Work Text:
“You’re going to recommend us to the Detective Agency?”
“Isn’t that what I just said?” Dazai’s eyes narrow. “Blegh, is Chuuya going deaf?” He pointedly asks, motioning to his ears.
“God, fuck off. I’m not going deaf, dipshit. It’s you who needs to get your ears checked.”
“Whatever it is, you’ll finally be with me, all~ the time!”
“Oh, god no.” Chuuya groans. Akutagawa sat silently next to the gravity-user, staring at his lap.
“Oh,” Chuuya starts, motioning to the boy. “He needs somewhere to go too.” Akutagawa continues to sit silently. Chuuya raises an eyebrow at the silence as he expected some retort about working with “that Jinko!” as Akutagawa likes to call the grey haired boy.
Chuuya gives Dazai a concerned expression which translates to : “What did you do to this poor boy?” to which Dazai only responds with an even bigger smile, increasing Chuuya’s concern.
“I have no interest in this vile pest.” Dazai continues to hold his smile as Chuuya rolls his eyes. Akutagawa was visibly hurt by this statement.
“I’m not done yet,” Dazai continues. As if on cue, the bell to the café rings. “Dazai-san, why did you call me he-- Akutagawa?! Chuuya-san?!” Atsushi leans backwards in shock. Atsushi turns to Dazai with alarm.
“W-What’s happening?!”
“Atsushi-kun here might be interested in recruiting you, Akutagawa-kun.” Dazai sneers, knowing the reaction he was about to elicit. “After all, you guys are practically obsessed with each other!”
“Him?! That…” Akutagawa motions to Atsushi, as if wanting to spit on him. “That vile pest?!”
“No, no, that’s you,” Dazai coos right before Chuuya kicks his shin from under the table.
“W-Wait! Dazai-san, recruiting him? To what?”
“The Detective Agency of course!” Atsushi’s jaw drops.
~;~
“Here are your desks. I have a strict plan for what you have to do--” A book is shoved open into Chuuya’s face as soon as he enters.
“Ah, relax!” Dazai says, kicking back in his chair and raising his legs up to settle on the desk. “Kunikida-kun~, did you know that too much stress can cause your ability to become weaker? We wouldn’t want that, would we?” Dazai teases with wide eyes. Chuuya immediately jumps to contradict but was silenced with a finger to his lips (which he is tempted to bite off, but he holds back)
Kunikida quickly pulled out his pen, taking notes on the bandaged man’s words.
“Of course, I’m just kidding--” The pen snaps and Dazai is thrown against a wall. Kunikida berates him as Chuuya watches with amusement. The gravity user has a feeling that he is going to get along splendidly with Dazai’s current partner. They could reminisce how annoying the waste of bandages is. Atsushi nervously eyes Dazai.
“So, kid,” Atsushi's attention shifts to Chuuya. “You’re the one with that tiger ability, right? Akutagawa talks about it all the ti--” Chuuya’s eyebrows narrow as his pupils move to look at the hand covering his mouth. “Shut it, Jinko,” Akutagawa says as if Atsushi had been the one talking.
“ I wasn't even talking!” Atsushi squeaks as he points accusingly at the other’s annoyed expression.
Chuuya watches the display with awe. It reminds him of his relationship with Dazai when they had first met. Just a bit. A bit too much.
Speak of the devil. Dazai cheerfully taps on Chuuya’s shoulder. Chuuya turns to face the bandaged man. “What now?” Chuuya sharply askes, holding back his sigh for whatever bullshit is about to come spewing out of the other’s mouth.
“Ah! Chuuya, now that you’re working here~ , you can be my true dog and do all~ my work!”
The kick Dazai dodges is lethal and is aimed directly at the head. But of course, this definitely was not his idea of a painless death. And by Chuuya’s hand? Yeah, he didn't think so. Dazai quickly jumps away, almost weightless in the air. Kunikida is rubbing his temples as he tries to soothe his headache. According to the blonde man, more people means more pain to his sanity (Atsushi is slowly starting to agree).
Kenji, on the other hand, is extremely entertained. He and Chuuya have had encounters outside of work where they coincidentally cross paths. Chuuya was always so kind to him, so Kenji really likes him. He also admires Chuuya’s ability, so much so, that he is on his way to ask the man in question to display it for him.
Chuuya is completely oblivious to the freckled teen almost glowing with excitement. He instead is looking over Atsushi’s shoulder, trying to get an idea on what to do.
Atsushi turns around with a bright smile. “Chuuya-san! This is from our most recent case that Ranpo and I solved!” Chuuya nods in acknowledgement but couldn’t help but eye Akutgawa who was trying to keep Rashoumon from stabbing Atsushi every time he opened his mouth.
Atsushi was clueless to this and is instead astonished by how collected Chuuya is. Whenever Atsushi thinks about the “Port Mafia Executive” he always pictures an angry mafioso who ruthlessly kills everyone and has no care in the world. Oh wait, he just described Akutagawa.
Of course, his thoughts are interrupted by a loud shriek. He instantly regrets laying his eyes on the chaos before him. Chuuya has Dazai pinned to the wall with a knife to the neck while the latter laughs uncontrollably. By this time, Atsushi doesn’t even have to find Kunikida to know that he probably fainted from stress overload. Poor Kunikida.
Yosano is another person Chuuya has encountered once or twice. He doesn't have any opinions on her until he notices the wine bottles on her desk and considers her a friend. At least someone here has good taste.
(Chuuya notes to ask Yosano to a bar sometime soon)
~;~
Chuuya skeptically looks at Ranpo who is sitting at the head of the Agency. He has his legs kicked back on the desk and his mouth is occupied with a Pocky. It almost looks like the detective is on a throne of some sort. Chuuya cringes a little.
He remembers Ranpo solely because of their interaction while he was in the Mafia. The detective had met him while he stood guard with his troops, and had brought up the shitty mackerel. The next thing he knew, he was stuck in a book with the other.
So, of course, his outlook on what he saw as an “entitled brat”, was not the best. Finally, Ranpo caught his stare, and his eyes became wide with slight interest. “Oh. Fancy Hat.”
“Detective,” Chuuya acknowledges. That was basically it.
~;~
It was a long day, but Akutagawa is still working (or at least trying to). Akutagawa’s ear drums were ringing from the loud environment. He isn’t used to this at all. The Mafia has a more organized and subdued atmosphere, which he definitely prefers. Akutagawa also hates filling out reports. He felt that they were a drag even in the Mafia, and even more so now since he hasn't even been assigned a mission yet. These were all just papers filing his recruitment to the Agency. Akutagawa holds back the groan of laziness and boredom that is about to escape from his mouth.
“Are you alright?” The familiar voice comes from behind him. His honed animal-like reflexes make him jump and activate Rashoumon.
“H-Hey! It’s just me...” Atsushi rubs the back of his head sheepishly. “You looked really tired.” Akutagawa’s eyes became angry.
“Are you underestimating me, Jinko? ” Akutagawa asks, warningly. Atsushi knows his next words have to be chosen carefully.
“N-No! Of course not!” Atsushi calms himself down from making an angered remark. He needs to remind himself that now, Akutagawa is on the same side as him. He has a feeling the other is yet to feel the same way, but it doesn’t change the fact that they are both co-workers now.
“Then what is it?” Akutagawa asks sharply. Atsushi feels like there’s a knife being held to his throat. “U-Uh! Well, I was wondering if you’d want to stay in one of the dorms we provide here!” Atsushi exclaims, hoping to get out of this situation soon. Akutagawa looks at him skeptically, as if scanning him for lies before hesitantly nodding.
Atsushi gives a bright smile. “I’m so glad! Here, I’ll take you to your room!” And that’s that.
~;~
There are still a few people left in the Agency building. Kunikida, who is about to leave in exactly twenty-six seconds as his ideals state ; Yosano, who is shadily messing around in her clinical room ; Dazai, who, as always, is slacking off, kicked back in his chair, humming along to a song ; and Chuuya. Chuuya, unlike his subordinates and coworkers, doesn’t mind filling out reports. It’s just another part of the job. His fingers move gracefully against the keyboard, clacking away.
Kunikida has left by now, and the Agency slowly clears out, leaving the devilish pair in the room alone. This is a huge mistake that could lead to disaster.
Chuuya continues typing until he feels a weight on the top of his hat. A groan escapes his mouth. “What in the ever-loving fuck do you want?” It’s a question, but it comes out as a statement.
“I just want to see how my little sheep dog is doing!”
“I am not a fucking dog!” Chuuya’s voice becomes increasingly louder. He can practically hear Dazai’s expression shift to a playful smirk.
“Fine, fine!” Dazai sighs. “You’re obviously not a dog,” Dazai puts his finger up in declaration. “You’re a small fairy!” Chuuya digs his elbow into Dazai’s ribs. Once he hears the other groan in pain, his heart fills with satisfaction. Quickly, he gets back to work.
“Chuuya~” Dazai coos again. “You’re no fun!” He pouts and rests his cheek on the other's hat.
Chuuya clenches his teeth. “Maybe, just maybe, has your brain ever come to fathom that I’m trying to work! ” Chuuya shoots up from his seat. “Urgh! Have you even done anything today?”
“ Well~” Dazai starts but is interrupted by Chuuya. “I don’t even want to hear it.”
“So~ Where is little ChuuChuu planning to sleep?”
“Of course, with you? In your room,” Chuuya says as if this is information that Dazai should have already known. Dazai cocks his head. “And why is that?”
“Because.” Chuuya says with a tone that sounds like he's explaining something to a baby. “If I sleep in a different dorm, you’re going to come in anyway and try to pull some shit. Might as well avoid wasting space if you’re going to invade my privacy anyway.”
“Widdle ChuuChuu is so good at predicting my strategies” Dazai says with a baby voice while patting Chuuya’s head. A lethal punch is delivered to the other’s stomach.
~;~
“Oh my god.” Chuuya critically looks around with a hand on his hips. “Why is it so… bland?” Dazai shrugs as he lowers himself into the office chair beside his small desk.
“Well, I only use this place to sleep. No point in decorating!”
“Urgh, I thought your tastes would’ve become better after you left the Mafia,” Chuuya shrugs before planting himself on the bed. “Blegh, stinks like fucking Mackerel.”
“You don’t see me complaining about your sheepdog smell!” Dazai points out. It’s a lie of course since Chuuya can count many times where Dazai has called out his “stench”.
“You know for a goddamn fact I don’t smell.” Chuuya sits up and crosses his legs on the bed. “I use this really great bodywa--”
“I’m not listening~” Dazai coos loudly, his fingers shoved into his ears.
“Fucking bastard.” Dazai’s eyes follow Chuuya as he gets up from the bed and walks towards his fridge. A sigh escapes Dazai’s mouth knowing what’s about to follow.
“HAA?” Chuuya bends down partially to make sure he's seeing things correctly. “ There’s nothing even in here!” He straightens up and accusingly points at Dazai.
“ What the fuck! What have you even been eating?!” Chuuya questions with scrutiny. Dazai lets out a noisy groan. “Urgh. I hear barking! Oh, that’s just Chuuya’s nagging.”
Chuuya walks over to Dazai and hauls him up by the collar. “Go to the store and get me stuff, you useless bastard.” He quickly releases his hold on Dazai and walks to the kitchen counter. “ I’m going to cook because you’re such an incapable waste of space.”
“Aw! Chuuya’s like my little housewife!” Chuuya gags upon hearing this statement before shooing Dazai out of the house.
And these are just the first stories of many as Chuuya and Akutagawa make themselves at home in the Armed Detective Agency.
~;~
(Chuuya ends up making crab since the bastard didn’t bring anything else! Urgh, how annoying!)