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A large crack of lightning followed by the roaring thunder forced Changbin out of his slumber, sweat rolling down his face from the absolute panic that took over him. He felt his heartbeat racing, pounding so loud it sounded as if it were in his eardrums rather than being settled firmly in his chest.
He’s always been afraid of thunderstorms, the loud noises always terrified him, most nights he cried himself back to sleep when he was younger. Though lately he’s been doing it again, not wanting to reach out to his members for comfort, he always enjoyed being seen as a pillar of strength. Being the one they could come to for comfort, not so much the other way around.
So, he knew what was about to happen as the tears began to well up in his eyes, clouding his already hard to focus vision since the room was dark from the new black out curtains Minho had put up since the two of them shared a room.
Though he was out for the night, choosing to bunk with Jisung, leaving him alone in the room. Which he wasn’t sure if that made it easier or harder to settle down into a realm of normalcy as his heartrate continued to race.
He felt as though his chest was tightening, his lungs screaming out for help as they struggled to fill with oxygen due to the way he was holding his breath without realizing it. The panic state only seeming to rise as another round of lightning and thunder clapped together in terrifying harmony, making the tears start to fall down his cheeks.
Rain began to pour down onto the dorm, ricocheting off the roof, down the window and everywhere else that it could reach, coating the area in thousands upon thousands of water droplets.
Choking on a sob, trying not to make too much noise, which he failed to do as once again thunder rang out, causing him to yelp as he covered his ears in sheer panic.
He began to shake, his world feeling like it was on the brink of collapsing until warm arms took hold of him. Warm and safe arms that began to take his hands off his ears, wiping away the salty tears that fell at a remarkable pace until they ceased to exist.
“Focus on me Binnie. Focus on my voice, my breathing, anything but the awful thunderstorm” Hyunjin said softly as he moved to sit next to Changbin, pulling the man into his chest, allowing him to nuzzle his face into his neck to breathe in his calming scent.
Hyunjin rubbed along his back, telling Changbin small random details about his day, allowing Changbin’s mind to slowly come back to reality, the fear that was once claiming him began to subside, his breathing beginning to slow down to a normal pace.
“Binnie, how long?” Hyunjin asked, once he knew Changbin was coming down from his panic attack.
“Ever since I was a child.”
“Has it always been this bad?”
Changbin nodded as he pulled away from Hyunjin, looking at the blonde in shame.
“Hey, it’s okay, everyone has a fear of something.”
“Yeah, but mine is so stupid.”
“Binnie, look at me love” Hyunjin said holding onto Changbin’s face so gently in between his hands “I’m afraid of being alone. Channie hyung is afraid of failing and disappointing people. Minho hyung is afraid of heights, same with Hannie. Lixie is afraid of being in tight spaces while Seungmin……. well, I haven’t figured out his fear, but he’s bound to be afraid of something. And finally, Innie is afraid of spiders. So, would you think that any of our fears were stupid?”
Changbin’s eyes widened, immediately shaking his head no, which was slightly hard to do as Hyunjin kept hold of his face.
“Exactly, then why would you consider yours stupid?”
“Because I need to be strong for you all, this fear of mine makes me weak” Changbin muttered as he heard Hyunjin sigh deeply.
“Love, it’s okay to not be strong all the time. I promise you no one expects you to be strong twenty-four seven. You wouldn’t be human if you were” Hyunjin told him, pressing a gentle kiss onto his forehead followed by one on each of his eyes, his nose and then finally claiming his lips in a tender kiss, which the older man happily accepted as he wrapped his arms around Hyunjin.
“Thanks baby” Changbin whispered, feeling safe and content in Hyunjin’s presence despite the storm that was getting stronger outside.
He and Hyunjin haven’t been together for long, both trying to focus on the group more than their growing love for each other. But one thing that has remained constant the entire time they’ve known one another, is how Hyunjin just knows when Changbin needs someone.
When he needs a shoulder to cry on even though he claims he isn’t crying. When he needs someone to vent to, even though he tries to say he’s okay. Or when he is feeling lonely even though he’s in a room full of people. It’s as though Hyunjin can read into his soul, knowing himself better than he ever could.
And for that he’s beyond grateful for Hyunjin, someone he knows is a great friend and an even better boyfriend.
“Anytime my love, anytime.”