Chapter Text
It was a bloody moon.
Chishiya was standing on a plain balcony of a grey apartment building wearing a long brown sweater and oversized pants.
He sighed.
The red sky was the most exciting thing he had seen today. His hands were as dry as the paper he turned over every day at university.
He missed the touch of soft hands.
"Dinner is ready," his mother called him. Chishiya breathed in the last fresh air of the waking day and went with slurping steps and closing the door behind him into the dining room, where his mother was already waiting for him at the laid table.
"Where is dad?", Chishiya asked.
His mother smiled bravely. "He'll be home later today. Dad had another emergency operation."
"Hm.", Chishiya nodded deprecatingly and sat down.
He knew he had a life like that ahead of him too.
His father was a bitter, stressed man who had no time for his family.
His father had not been to his first theatre performance in primary school, had not been there for any of Chishiya's birthdays and had never known the names of his friends.
Chishiya's mother took the role of mom and dad together.
His father was the coach who watched the progress of his frightened pupil from the operating table.
But being a medical student had many advantages.
You would certainly find a job, your relatives and friends spoke highly of you and your parents were proud.
In the end, those around you benefited more from your life than you do. You don't just make decisions for yourself. That was a luxury.
Chishiya was smart enough for all that, that was out of question.
But every page in a book about anatomy sucked his soul out a little more.
Every essay on pain hurt him and every presentation on remedies poisoned his mind.
The professors robbed him of words and replaced his knowledge with their teachings.
He watched his mother eat, looking older with every bite. Chishiya thought her hair had become greyer. Her hands shakier and her skin more wrinkled. Was she getting old? Why was his mother getting old that quickly?
Chishiya dropped his cutlery and asked his mother in a serious voice: "Why are you getting old?"
She laughed and looked at him worriedly. "Because I'm alive, darling."
"Are you making fun of me?", Chishiya looked in his mother eyes.
She shook her head and straightened the tablecloth.
"Don't talk eat, honey."
His mother placed one of her warm hands on his.
At that moment, Chishiya heard the PIN being entered into the door lock and the door opened with a confirmed sound.
His mother's hand was pulled away and she wiped it on her apron to greet her husband.
Chishiya felt as some of his food had stuck in his throat. He stood up and watched them like animals in a zoo.
He coughed and looked into his father's musty face.
His dark eyes sparkled at him and Chishiya could see the glowing operating table in his eyes and his delicate hands holding the tools.
"What are you doing, son?" he asked in a voice deep as hell. "Nothing," Chishiya answered and left the room.
He could still hear his father talking to his mother about work, complaining and having food brought.
Chishiya clenched his fists and hoped that this nightmare would end soon.
He was already in bed when there was a knock on his bedroom door. "Did you get your test results yet?" his father asked with a frown standing in the doorway.
He looked down at him like the little boy he had been when he was waiting for his test results in mittle school.
"Passed, was the best ... again," Chishiya murmured. "Okay." was his short reply. His father's words were sharper than a dagger Chishiya had seen in a museum as a child with his mother. At the time, he had found this short cunning weapon fascinating. Now it hurt him almost every day in the guise of threatening words. Each cut a little deeper.
The lump in his throat grew bigger.
It probably wasn't leftover food, maybe he had swallowed the test results. And his father cut the edges, which dug painfully into his throat.
It was a dry night, which lay like a leaden blanket over Chishiya's body.
The next morning, the sun shone into his room like a broken spotlight and kicked up the dust from the curtains.
Chishiya put on a pair of grey cloth trousers and a white shirt and took his heavy backpack and cardigan from the chair as he passed.
He closed his room door and out of the corner of his eye saw his mother clearing the breakfast table from his father.
Without a good morning, Chishiya left the flat and made his way to the bus stop.
Angelic birdsong and tentative wind accompanied him to the bus stop and sat him patiently on the bus. They waited there in the freshness for his return. The dusty daily routine took him by the hand and showed him a seat on the bus.
Two stops further on, the bus became fuller. Chishiya put headphones in his ears to drown out the battle cries of reality. He would have to listen to enough today.
In four months, Chishiya would start his internship at his father's hospital, his doorway to hell.
Chishiya felt a sudden pain in his hand and saw that he had clenched his fingers so tightly into fists that they left little gashes in his palm.
While he stared at his hand, a boy sat down next to him. Chishiya had never seen him before and looked the stranger up and down. He had shoulder-length curly black hair.
His bright green eyes contrasted strongly with his matted hair.
The young man brought with him a strong smell of forest and sweet flowers, which Chishiya did not often smell.
Where did he come from? He did not fit into Chishiya's world at all and seemed like a lost wanderer who had mistaken the forest for the city.
He had an unusually elfish face and looked more like a fantasy character than one of the grey men around him.
"Hello", he said, noticing Chishiya's astonished look.
With a composed clearing of his throat, Chishiya withdrew his staring gaze and suppressed his newfound curiosity.
"Hello", Chishiya whispered and turned to his mobile phone to select a new song, waiting until the stranger looked away before glancing at him again.
The world looked so colourful when he looked past him.
But shortly afterwards, the boy made room for an older lady and left the bus at the next stop.