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“I’d follow you into Hell if you asked,” Riza said, her eyes never wavering from Roy’s. He matched her intensity.
She would shoot him in the back if necessary, yes. She would agree to that. But hell, she would never let it become necessary. Not with breath still in her lungs.
But she knew that she’d rather bear the burden of killing Roy Mustang than bear the guilt of his actions. She knew Roy, perhaps better than she should. He was capable of great good, that she was sure of. But also of great evil, as she’d witnessed firsthand in Ishval.
“If that’s what you want, Lieutenant. But don’t tell me you regret your decision later.”
“That won’t be an issue, sir.”
Roy paused. Almost everything about him was the same as when they’d been young teenagers, living under the same roof. He was a bit taller now, sure, and more muscular. But the real change was in his eyes.
Both of them were killers. It was what Riza had meant when she had said that soldiers have a lot to give back.
“Do you want to get a drink, Lieutenant?”
Riza was taken aback by this offer. She allowed her heart to flutter for a moment, but it was swiftly crushed by the dead and empty look in the Colonel’s eyes.
“I don’t see why not, sir,” Riza said firmly.
Colonel Mustang stood up out of his chair and reached out to shake Riza’s hand. She took it.
“Thank you,” he said. “I’m glad you’ve got my back.”
The Lieutenant nodded solemnly. The pair walked out of the office together. There was only one foot of distance between them, but to Riza, it felt like miles.
As a young teenager, she occasionally allowed herself to imagine herself enjoying the company of her father’s apprentice. But never like this. Riza knew that she’d lost the right to enjoy anything, especially the company of the very person who had used her as a tool in genocide.
She knew, and she was sure that he did too, that she shared the guilt of every person that he killed in Ishval. With all the blood on her hands, how could she even think about holding his?
The bar was crowded, exactly how Riza liked it. There was no room in her head for her own thoughts, which was all well and good.
The newly-promoted Colonel ordered a whiskey, but Riza passed. She didn’t drink.
“How did you end up in the military anyway?” Roy asked.
Riza’s stomach churned. She would like to say that he was the reason, or that she had no other option.
“At first it was because I knew my father would roll in his grave. His only child, a soldier? But I believe he lost the right to see me as his child long ago. In the end, I made the decision for three reasons. I needed the money, I was already a skilled hunter, and I had the same foolish dream that you did.”
Perhaps she had said too much. For a moment it looked like Mustang was about to crack a smile. “I guess that’s as good of a reason as any of us had.”
There was a pause.
“How is your back healing?” Roy asked, his voice softer than before.
Riza’s chest ached at the memory. Roy’s screams of anguish still haunted her at night, his pleading for her to reconsider.
“It’s been a few months, I rarely think about it anymore. It’s practically healed.”
Roy nodded. “And the scarring…”
“It’s enough,” Hawkeye responded casually. She would rather the entire thing was burned off, but Roy was right. That could have killed her, not that she didn’t deserve it.
Mustang took a sip of his drink.
“I’m still sorry that you had to be the one to do it.”
Roy shook his head. “Don’t say that. You’re watching my back, aren’t you? It’s only fair I return the favor.”
Even though his eyes were dead and empty, and his presence was muted, Roy still kept the same conviction that Riza had envied as a child. Perhaps, if the roles had been reversed, there would have been no tattoo to burn in the first place.
“You know I trust you,” Riza said. “But if I may ask, sir, why would you continue on this path yourself? Surely there are better ways to make repairs.”
Roy nodded. “You never need my permission to ask anything of me. I’ve entrusted you with watching my back. There’s nothing that I can, or should, hide from you.”
He cleared his throat and took another sip of his whiskey.
“I want everyone who participated in the Ishvalan Genocide to be tried as a war criminal. And if I want to do that, and make a real difference in restoring Ishval, I’ll need to be on the very top.”
Riza wasn’t as surprised as she wanted to be. It’s a lofty goal, she knows it, but she’s imagined it before.
“That would include both of us, wouldn’t it, sir?”
Roy nodded, nonchalantly. “You aren’t going to change your mind, are you?”
Riza shrugged. “At the very least, this should be interesting.”
Mustang smirked ever so slightly and finished the rest of his whiskey.
A few drinks later, and Colonel Mustang was beginning to slur his words.
“You should probably be done,” Riza said, raising an eyebrow.
“You’re right, as always.”
Riza extended her arm and Roy took her hand. He stood up slowly, and Riza wrapped her arm around his back. She guided him out of the bar and put him in the backseat of his car.
“I can drive,” Roy mumbled from the backseat.
“I don’t think so, sir. I’ll take you home.”
The ride back to Roy’s apartment was silent, all except for the sound that the tires made on the pavement.
Once again, Riza helped Roy out of the car and into his apartment.
“How are you feeling, sir?”
“I’m not sure,” he said. “You being here- it just reminds me of Ishval.”
Roy’s cheeks were blushed red and he looked like he was zoning out. Riza knew that he wouldn’t have said this sober, but it cut just the same. Not that he was wrong.
Riza would be lying if she said that Roy didn’t bring up any similar memories in her. The stench of burning flesh filled her nostrils, and she couldn’t look at him in the eyes without being reminded about everything that her childish arrogance had cost her.
“I know.” That was all Riza had to say, all she wanted to say.
That’s when it occurred to her.
She could fight for Roy. She could dry his tears, bring him home from the bar, tuck him into bed, and stay by his side through the night. She could even die for him.
But Riza knew she could never give him peace.
Of course not, she thought to herself. Riza was a walking reminder of everything that Roy hated. All of his mistakes. The peace of mind, the clarity that he would need to lead a country, was something he’d have to figure out without her.
But yet, she couldn’t bring herself to leave his side.
“Come on, sir, you need to get into bed.”
Roy grunted as Riza guided him towards his bedroom. She laid out pajamas for him and gave him time to change.
When she was satisfied that Roy wasn’t in danger of alcohol poisoning, she left. After all, what would they say if the new Lieutenant spent the night with her commanding officer? That wouldn’t benefit either of them.
The next day, Riza arrived an hour early for her first day working in Eastern Command under Colonel Roy Mustang.
People began filing into the office. She recognized Maes Hughes from Ishval and acknowledged him politely. She was formally introduced to the members of Roy’s team. Fuery and Falman would be easy to work with, she thought to herself. Breda seemed polite enough, but he had already gone through three sandwiches before his lunch break. Havoc made an impression, showing up late after meeting with a girl for brunch.
Eventually, the Colonel himself arrived. His under eyes were swollen and one of his eyebrows was twitching.
“Damn, sir,” Havoc said unprofessionally. “You hungover or what?”
Roy groaned and sat down at his desk. He tilted his head back.
“Mind your own business, Havoc,” he grumbled.
“Sir, it’s a Wednesday,” Breda said, sounding confused.
Mustang moaned and placed his head flat on the desk.
“Must have been a hot date for you to get drunk on a Tuesday night,” Havoc teased. He lit a cigarette and placed it in his mouth.
“Why doesn’t everyone get to work?” Riza asked, perhaps a little too boldly for her first day.
“The Lietenant’s right,” Mustang said, although Riza strongly doubted that Roy would be willing to do any work himself.
The day went by slowly, as most first days do.
When it was finally over, Riza headed straight for the shooting range. Sweat mixed with a few selfish tears. She knew it was wrong for her to feel anything that resembled pity, not after everything she’d done.
She finished firing her round and went to stand up. There was a tap on her shoulder.
“You know you shouldn’t surprise a woman with a gun, Colonel,” Riza said.
“Yeah,” Roy said, scratching the back of his neck. “I just wanted to talk to you.”
“Alright.” Riza stowed her rifle in her locker and walked with Roy back to the main command center.
“I wanted to thank you for last night, and to apologize,” Mustang said. “It was really careless of me to have gotten drunk last night. It was an extra burden for you. You shouldn’t have had to drive me home, and you certainly shouldn’t have had to cover for my mistake on your first day here in Eastern Command.”
“I appreciate it, Colonel. But isn’t that my job?”
Roy shrugged. “If that’s the case, you could have shot me in the back at any point last night, or today. It’s possible you even considered it.”
Riza smiled. “It’s rather bold of you to assume that I’m not still considering it.”
Mustang chuckled, and Riza was relieved. It wasn’t often that she allowed herself a satirical comment, and she was glad it was received well.
The pair arrived at his office. It was empty, as everyone else had gone home. A stack of unfinished paperwork lay scattered across the Colonel’s desk.
“I also wanted to tell you that I remember what I said last night to you after you brought me home.”
“About Ishval?”
“Yeah.”
There was a silence between them. Riza was worried that Roy was going to take it back, or say it was just the alcohol. Both of them knew that Roy had meant what he said, and there was nothing that either of them could do to change it. Both of them only saw their own mistakes when looking at the other.
“Sometimes you remind me of everything that happened in Ishval,” Roy said. “Everything that I did.”
There was a pause.
“But that’s not all I see.”
Riza nodded her head. “I know. I trust you,” she said softly.
“You shouldn’t.”
Surprising even herself, Riza grabbed Roy by the collar of his shirt and kissed him.
He wrapped his arms around her back softly and pressed his lips into hers.
By the time they pulled apart, Riza could taste Roy on her lips and feel his hands in her hair.
“I’ll see you tomorrow, Colonel,” Riza said with a small smile. She felt guilty for the small indulgence, and she could see the same feeling reflected across Roy’s face.
Roy was flushed again, but not from alcohol this time. He didn’t say a word as his Lieutenant left his office.
It wouldn’t become a habit, Riza told herself. She thought back to what Roy had said: ‘But that’s not all I see.’
Roy was more to her than a reminder of Ishval. He was a beautiful culmination of her mistakes, her pride, her past, her future, and everything in between.
Why was it so hard to believe that he saw the same when he looked at her?
Neither of them would ever have peace. But dammit, they would have each other.