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Kuroo’s mother once told him that resentment born from a partner making sacrifices without the other one acknowledging them. He should have probably paid more attention at the time.
It’s just, he never thought he and Kenma would experience such mundane struggles.
Kuroo and Kenma go a long way back. Everybody knows it. From best friends since childhood to high school sweethearts. From fiances to spouses.
Kuroo can confidently say that for many years, he and Kenma shared an almost telepathic bond that let them understand each other without talking most of the time. It was one of those silly things he used to show off to his friends.
He took pride in being the only one able to read Kenma. It was a part of his identity.
Kenma’s Whisperer , said jokingly to him their shared friends.
But people change.
It started small. He could ignore it easily.
A little disagreement here and there. Whose turn was of doing the dishes that day and some at least try to keep our home clean for a day, I just tidied up!
It was whatever. Kenma and him had never been shy of letting each other know what they thought.
But then disagreements turned into discussions of Kenma, I’m just worried you are not taking good care of yourself, don’t be a brat , followed by icy words like Well Kuroo, maybe if you actually were home instead of at work for more than 2 days a week you will be able to actually tell.
Still, looking back Kuroo can trick himself into thinking those discussions were alright. They came from a place of love at least. He was worried about Kenma because he loves him. Kenma missed him, because he loves him. It would be alright.
Except it was not.
Slowly but steady, like water bowling, the discussions turned into fights and on especially bad days full-on battles. Kuroo couldn’t fool himself into thinking they came from a place of love anymore.
They knew each other so well, that they knew exactly where to aim for it to truly hurt.
----
“When are you going to fucking grow up Kenma? You can’t just act like an immature child forever. Sometimes people have to do stuff they don’t like, but that’s adulthood, so man up.”
“What? Like you? Should I get a 9 to 5 stupid job that I hate for you to be happy that we are both miserable and you aren’t the only who is a failure in this house?”
---
The night he spent over at Bokuto’s was hell. He felt ashamed knocking on his friend’s door, and even more when he burst out crying as soon as a surprised Akaashi opened it.
Bokuto let him stay on the couch, and Kuroo spent the whole night crying, wondering how did he and Kenma got there.
When the sun got through the window of the kitchen and realized he hadn’t slept a minute, he grabbed his things and showed up home red eyed.
Kenma was sitting on the couch, 2 cups of now cold tea on the table, wearing matching red eyes and dark eyebags.
Kuroo takes a seat beside him and they stay silent for a couple of minutes, both facing the turned off T.V.
As expected, he brokes first.
It felt like he always did, nowadays.
He wonders if Kenma still loves him.
“Did you sleep any?” He asks, still looking ahead.
As if his voice was a detonator of some kind, Kenma immediately collapses next to him, hugging him and hiding on Kuroo’s chest. Slim arms surround him, and after a couple of tense seconds in which he didn’t dare move, he finally let himself hug Kenma back.
The man on his arms lets out a pitiful sound.
“I waited for you all night.” Kenma murmurs onto his chest.
Kuroo strokes his back, calming.
“I needed time.”
Kenma presses himself even closer. Kuroo’s chest hurts a little bit at the pression. Or maybe it is just his heart, longing. He can’t tell.
“From me?” Kenma asks, voice small.
Kuroo sighs.
“Maybe. From us. From the fighting.” He shrugs, small too.
There is a heavy silence.
And then.
“I am sorry.” Kenma looks up at him from his chest, and tears are running down his face. “I don’t know what- I don’t. I don’t understand.”
It is strange that Kenma is crying. He isn’t a crier. Not really.
Kuroo is, but he is not crying now.
“What you don’t understand?” He asks calmly. Patiently.
Kenma isn’t a crier, but he has always needed time to voice his thoughts. So Kuroo waits. He always has. Kuroo would wait years for him.
Kenma sobs before talking.
“I don’t understand why we are fighting so much. We never did before. I don’t know what is happening. Why it is happening.” He lets out, voice frustrated.
His spouse looks lost. Kuroo can’t stand it. He brings him back to his chest, and is a little surprised when Kenma follows easily.
He had thought it would be difficult.
But isn’t that the problem? It didn’t used to be.
It used to be always easy, between him and Kenma. Always in sync.
Not now though. He has come accustomed to waiting for a fight from Kenma. Was bracing himself for one just now.
He hums, letting the other know he heard him and adjust his grip on Kenma before getting up, his spouse still in his arms.
Kenma instinctively drapes his legs around Kuroo’s waist. He is trembling in his arms.
Kuroo takes both of them to their bedroom, and when he places Kenma on his bed, he lets him go slowly.
“Shower?”
Kenma nods.
Kuroo undresses himself completely and hesitates. He looks at Kenma for permission, and the shorter one raises his arms.
With care, he takes off Kenma’s shirt, and everything else slowly.
When both of them are naked, he takes Kenma by the hand and they walk to the restroom, fingers intertwined.
He lets Kenma in the shower, while he goes to the other side of the bathroom to let the tub fill. He tosses some nearby oils and calls it a day.
When he comes back to the shower, Kenma is still where he let him.
With a little uncertain smile that Kenma can’t seem to return, he enters the shower.
He takes his time, washing Kenma. Slowly and lovingly.
He carefully rubs a sponge through all his body with the blonde’s favorite liquid soap. He rinses it. He goes for the special shampoo for bleached hair next. With circular motions, he makes sure all of Kenma’s scalp is covered. He decides to let it sit and start to wash himself.
Kenma’s hand stops him before starting, taking the soap bar from him. With a determined look, he starts washing Kuroo, just as carefully as he washed Kenma.
Kuroo lets himself relax onto his meticulous touch. When his body is soap free, they wordlessly agree that it is time to rinse Kenma’s hair.
Kuroo tilts his face up by the chin slowly, letting the water run through his hair while his hands make sure to get all of the shampoo out. He stays some more minutes just playing with Kenma’s hair, until the short one grabs Kuroo’s shampoo.
In silence, Kuroo leans down, so Kenma can wash his hair too.
When they are both finally clean, Kuroo takes Kenma's hand once more and pulls him to the now filled tub. He lets him enter first, and when Kenma moves forward Kuroo takes a seat behind him.
The water is warm, just enough to sting but not burn.
Kenma leans back, on Kuroo’s chest, and they both let out a sigh at the same time.
The tub smells of lavender, and Kuroo notices the oil he used is one of the gifts he had given Kenma their last anniversary.
“So you can relax, love!”
Kenma always was a big fan of baths. It was him who demanded to have a big bathroom with a ridiculously modern tub when they moved. Kuroo only enjoys baths if they are with Kenma. He liked being like this. Skin pressed to skin. Intimate.
He wonders if this is the last time he is going to be able to feel like this. To be like this with Kenma. His chest aches at the thought.
“Kuro?” Kenma asks as he tenses, so he tries to relax again.
He lets his right arm circle Kenma’s waist, tight. He presses his hand on his stomach, and Kenma feels so small. He could probably circle his whole waist like this. His left arm positionates on Kenma’s hip, dragging up and down on his leg.
Kenma shivers against his chest.
Kuroo stops the movement, a questioning sound in his throat. Kenma shakes his head a little, placing his own hand on top of Kuroo's and recreating the movements himself.
Kuroo hums, and lets himself place a kiss on Kenma’s neck.
They stay quiet, just savoring the contact.
Kuroo talks first, because he always does. Because he needs to know.
“Kenma?”
“Kuro?”
He takes a big breath.
“Do you still love me?”
Kenma’s relaxation dies, body tensing so quick it must have hurt his muscles. Kuroo tries to massage his shoulder, but Kenma moves a little bit forward.
Out of reach.
Not really. Kuroo could touch his shoulder again, if he stretches. But he is so tired. He feels like he is always stretching. And even that wouldn’t stop him normally. But he doesn’t know if Kenma wants him to stretch. To reach.
That’s what stops him from doing it.
A sob cuts the tense silence, and Kuroo reaches.
How couldn’t he?
He places a hand on Kenma's shoulder, but there is still an infinite space between them.
“Kenma.”
“I am sorry.” His voice shakes. “I am so sorry Kuro.”
“Hey Kenma, breath, it’s-”
“Don’t say it’s okay. It isn’t.” Kenma tries to raise his voice, but it is just a loud whisper. “I am so sorry I made you doubt that.”
Kuroo’s heart finds a little relief for the first time in weeks.
“Kenma-”
“I love you. I love you so much. Always will. Never think otherwise.” He says between quiet sobs, and Kuroo finally hugs him tight from behind.
He lets himself just feel for the first time today, and a heartbreaking sob comes out of his lips before he can try to stop it. He is crying now, but he is so relieved. He was so scared.
Kenma turns to face him and the water of the tub spills to the floor but they don’t notice. He places himself once more on Kuroo’s chest, leaving kisses where he can reach.
“I love you. I love you. I love you.” He chants, between each kiss to his chest, and Kuroo just continues crying. Kenma knows he is a crier, so it is okay.
“I love you.” Kuroo says when he can find his voice once more.
“I know. I know.” Kenma’s kisses have stopped and he is resting his lips above his heart, dragging the words into his chest. “I have always known. You have always shown me. I’ll do better. I’ll show you I love you too.”
“I do know.” He says because it is true and because he hates seeing Kenma like this. Like he isn’t enough. “I was just scared. I was dumb to-”
“No.” Kenma stops him. “It’s not dumb. I gave you reasons to doubt. I know I haven’t been easy this couple weeks, and neither have you, but you never make me doubt you love me. For that I am sorry.”
“Love-”
“I'll do better.” He says, and Kuroo knows he will.
He smiles at him, knowing his stubborn husband won’t take anything else.
“I know, Kenma. I love you.”
Kenma kisses him deep. Slowly. Like they have all the time in the world. He tastes like tea, lavender and tears. But most of all, he tastes like Kenma. It’s perfect.
They haven’t kissed like this in a long time. Kuroo has missed it so much.
“We will be okay, kitty.”
“I know. I love you.” Kenma says once more. Kuroo grins.
“That’s how I know we will be okay.”
They stay in the bath until the water is cold that day, but they both feel warm.