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‘ My family is safe. We are taking every necessary precaution. We are following the right protocols and we are in control.’ Lisa keeps telling this to herself every time her heartbeat rises. In a pandemic where thousands of lives are lost every day, it is not easy to feel secure with a partner in health service. She is extremely proud of Jisoo but she will always worry about her.
“Mom, we are out of cereal,” her eldest came shouting into the bedroom and she quickly took a deep breath before showing him her smile. “I’m going to see mama, will bring it on the way. Why don’t you make a list of all that we need?” Their family has a lot of emphasis on including the kids in all the basic chores and decisions. She hopes they will be independent when they are thrust into such a situation.
Her youngest was sleeping on the bed next to her. His small hand wrapped around her torso and head on her shoulder. “I want to see mama too,” he whispered sleepily and oh did her heartbreak. She shared a glance with her teenager. He understood. He accepted the situation but it is always difficult to explain it to her 6-year-old.
Hugging the boy closer she kissed his forehead, “Mama will be back next week. Then we will have a picnic in the backyard and a nice movie night and order pizza. Okay? I promise we will have a lot of fun.”
“Why don’t you give mama the paintings you showed her on the video call yesterday. She loved them and wanted to stick them in her drawer. C’mon, let’s wrap them up nicely with ribbons.” Her elder son rescued her. He had always been responsible. Sometimes, she is concerned that he closes himself off but she knows her wife is the one he often shares his worries with.
Leaving them with lunch and some chores she finally walked out of the house. At least they are lucky to have the hospital just a mile away from home. Her wife made it so when they decided to have another child. They worked day and night to find a stable childhood for their kids.
This family was the best gift she ever received and there was nothing she needed more than what she had. They were happy. Then, everything started crumbling as the covid-19 started spreading all across the world. Being a doctor, her wife was giving her all to fight it.
The railing was their limit. Even if her heart screamed at her to just cross it over and wrap the woman standing on its opposite side in a hug she knew she couldn't. If not for herself then for her kids.
Jisoo looked haggard. Her fatigue was all visible through her dishevelled form and lack of any emotion on her face. She stood a little far from Lisa, folding her hands and staring back at her wife. She could see Lisa sighing in relief. She understood very well why that was so. Every day was hell when anything could happen any minute. As much as Lisa was afraid of losing her, Jisoo was afraid of leaving her family behind.
If she could, Lisa would punch life back into Jisoo but all she did was flash a very wide smile hoping it would do it. When it wasn’t returned she realized there were tears in her wife’s eyes. “Babe.” Jisoo needed comfort and there was no way of giving it physically. Frustration reeked through Lisa in the form of shivers and she grabbed on the cold railing until her hands turned white.
“I lost 20 today. 20 Lisa and the day isn’t even over yet!” Jisoo sighed, her entire being screaming at her to grab her wife's hand, to feel some sort of warmth.
“I know you must be feeling very helpless right now. But you are doing everything you can baby. You have to know that as much as doctors are treated like gods they aren’t. You cannot control everything that’s happening right now. You can just do your best to prevent as much damage as you can. I know you are doing that and I know that if there is even one life that is saved because of my precious wife then she is doing her job very well.” her words were all she had left.
“How are the kids?” Jisoo asked. More tears fell down her eyes and Lisa knew she missed them.
“They are safe. They said they’ll video call you tonight. Oh, and they sent you some stuff.” She handed her the bag, curious as to what had been filled in it. Even she was prohibited to peek inside and ordered to see when Jisoo will.
The drawings were the ones they had already known. Those were artworks of some of their most memorable moments. Their first beach trip together, Jisoo's wisdom tooth removal and the hilarious events following it, her elder son learning to ride a bicycle, the birth of their second and many more. She was going through her drive when the kids joined her and they had spent an entire afternoon looking through old pictures on the TV. Having nothing to do during a lockdown gave some good results she figured. Her youngest sat and tried to replicate them as best as he could and they were his best masterpieces.
There were some scented candles, overly large hoodies and trainers which she figures their 16-year-old packed. Jisoo smiled while picking the clothes, “They smell like him.”
“Yeah I’m sure they aren’t washed,” she laughed and smiled widely when Jisoo followed her suit.
“Jisoo-ya. Roseanne is looking for you everywhere. Why aren’t you answering your pager?” It was Jisoo's colleague Jennie who was screaming at her from another corner of the railing. Lisa realized there were many people doing what they were doing right now. Most were catching up with their loved ones with whatever little time they got. The backside of the hospital had become a meeting spot for hospital staff and their families. It reassured her that they weren’t alone.
“Go, baby. Be a hero. Stay safe and come back to us. Home is waiting for you.” She wanted to kiss her but laughed when Jisoo sent one of her signature flying kisses. “See you tomorrow. Same place. Same timing. Don’t be late.” Jisoo said.
Somehow when she said that, she made it sound like it was all normal. Like they could actually be able to get through this. And when she found her wife giggling while she followed her friend inside she knew even if everything had changed nothing much actually has. They are the same. Their family is the same and home is still the same.