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andante
n. In music, moving with a moderate, even, graceful progression; a walking pace.
--
Taekwoon would have been fine if it was only ever him and his violin.
He was in junior high school when his best friend Hakyeon convinced him to join the orchestra, and though the idea of playing with other people every day didn’t sit well with him at first (and still doesn’t, sometimes) he eventually grew to appreciate the sound it made when all of them played together. More importantly, it gave him a new outlet for his competitiveness after he was forced to quit soccer, and by the time they were seniors at their performing arts university he’d already long settled on orchestra as a career.
“You were the natural choice for first violin,” Hakyeon tells him as they’re walking down the hallway to the practice room.
I know, Taekwoon thinks, but decides on remaining silent as usual. Replies tend to only encourage Hakyeon.
“That’s probably why the director thought you’d be the best person to train our new first cellist,” Hakyeon continues anyway, and Taekwoon glares at him.
Hakyeon is the star TA and first ever student conductor of their orchestra, so he knew as well as Taekwoon how embarrassing, how implausible it was that they were in this situation at all. A reputable academy like theirs, forced to audition in a first cellist from some no-name school who had no significant performing experience to speak of? And the director had wasted zero time in dumping him directly on Taekwoon, so now he was Taekwoon’s responsibility. For better or for worse.
He steels himself for the worst as Hakyeon opens the sliding door with a loud greeting.
“Hello! You must be Jaehwan.”
“Y-Yes, that’s me!” The boy who stands up and bows makes Taekwoon’s eyes widen a little, and even Hakyeon’s practiced smile falters a bit. He’s wearing enormous coke-bottle glasses and his hair is bizarrely asymmetrical, plus his heavily wrinkled uniform looks like it doesn’t fit him quite right either. In short, he looks like a disaster.
“Well… at least he probably plays really well.” Taekwoon hears Hakyeon mutter under his breath.
“Yes well… I’m Hakyeon, the TA, and this is Taekwoon, our first violin. The director probably mentioned it, but Taekwoon here is your partner for the term,” Hakyeon tells Jaehwan, who nods and blinks, as if hanging on to Hakyeon’s every word. “The director has high expectations for your duet, so get along well, okay?”
The last part is mostly directed towards Taekwoon, and Hakyeon has that signature half-pleading, half-sympathetic look on his face that makes Taekwoon want to roll his eyes at him.
Taekwoon stares at Jaehwan with as much ice as he can muster once Hakyeon leaves the room, and Jaehwan shuffles around nervously.
“Jung Taekwoon… sunbaenim?” he tries hesitantly, bending down a little to peer up at Taekwoon.
Taekwoon studies him for a few long moments, trying to figure out how he can communicate what he wants to Jaehwan in as few words as possible.
“All of this. Fix it,” he says eventually, pointing to Jaehwan’s hair, his glasses, his uniform, and Jaehwan only looks confused.
“Wh… huh? Fix what now?” he asks, frowning, and Taekwoon lets out a small sigh. They have so, so much work to do, and that’s before either of them even touch an instrument.
--
The first few times, Taekwoon isn’t sure if Jaehwan is scared of him or is trying to deliberately annoy him; eventually, he settles on the likelihood of it being both.
He’s attempting to have Jaehwan learn their stage setup for the duet but he keeps catching Jaehwan’s eyes wandering, his mouth flapping uselessly like a fish out of water when he’s not biting his lip or wrinkling his nose for no apparent reason.
Eventually, he’s had enough. He pulls Jaehwan roughly to the side, glowering at him in frustration.
“Do you know what you did wrong?” he asks, softly threatening.
“Yes, I’m very sorry. I promise I won’t do it again!” Jaehwan bobs his head up and down frantically, and suffice to say Taekwoon isn’t entirely convinced that Jaehwan actually knows what he did wrong.
He’s about to scold Jaehwan again when a couple of other dongsaengs from the string section decide then is an optimal time to pile into the room and disrupt everything. Taekwoon shoots them all a glare, but they’re much more used to him than Jaehwan. This is bad.
Wonshik, a second-year and his fellow violinist, saunters over to them casually, and Taekwoon makes a mental note to get him back for this later.
“Hey Taekwoonie hyung,” he says, before grinning at Jaehwan. “This must be the new guy.”
“Oh! I’m Lee Jaehwan, um, the new third-year cellist,” Jaehwan bows his head and speaks modestly, even though it’s obvious that Wonshik isn’t older than him.
“A third-year, huh? So you’re our hyung too?”
Hongbin, another second-year, peers at Jaehwan suspiciously. Taekwoon knows he should be the one introducing everyone in this context, but if he doesn’t say anything maybe the two of them will get the hint and leave.
“Um… I suppose?” Jaehwan looks startled by their immediate familiarity, but it’s obvious he’s pleased by it as well. “I’ve only played a few solo recitals out in the country, so sunbaenim has been showing me around a little.”
“You should just call him Taekwoonie hyung, he likes that better,” Hongbin says, snickering, and Taekwoon scowls and slaps him on the back of the head. Much to his chagrin, Hongbin only laughs louder. “See? That’s how he shows his love.”
Taekwoon glares at him harder, then whirls on Jaehwan, daring him to try it. It’s too late, however; emboldened by the presence of bad influence(s), his mouth curls up in the tiniest of smiles.
“T... Taekwoonie hyung…?” he says tentatively, before smiling wider. “Taekwoonie hyung!”
Taekwoon tries to stare him down, as icily as he can possibly manage, but it’s like the new form of address has given Jaehwan new bravado as well. Wonshik and Hongbin grab whatever they came in the room for and scoot back out, but the damage has already been done. Whatever shreds of focus Jaehwan might’ve had to begin with are certainly obliterated by now.
Taekwoon sighs, solemnly accepting that this is about all they’re going to get done today.
“Go home for today, Jaehwan-ah,” he says, familiarity accidentally slipping into his speech as well.
“Okay, hyung!” Jaehwan practically glows as he puts away his things, and Taekwoon can’t help but feel like he lost the battle before it even began.
He takes his time packing up his own things and heads home, looking forward to the peace and quiet and solitude, only to see that the recently vacated apartment next to his has boxes out in front of it. Boxes labeled clearly with the name Lee Jaehwan.
The door is wide open, and Taekwoon doesn’t have enough time to duck in before Jaehwan sticks his head out.
“Taekwoonie hyung!” he says, tumbling out of his apartment, grabbing Taekwoon’s sleeve in delight. “You’re my new neighbor? That’s so awesome! We can walk to class together in the morning!”
“No.” Taekwoon shakes Jaehwan off, hurries inside, and slams the door. Jaehwan won’t stop knocking even after he runs and hides in his bedroom with his cat, but thankfully he eventually gives up.
Just a few more months, he tells himself. Several paltry more months and you’ll be graduated, and moving to Germany, and you’ll never have to deal with Lee Jaehwan ever again.
There’s a banging on the living room wall. “Hyung! Can you hear me? These walls are pretty thin, aren’t they?”
Taekwoon rubs his temples. It can’t come soon enough.
--
Taekwoon soon learns, despite his faint hopes of it being otherwise, that having Jaehwan as both his next-door neighbor and his mentee during school hours means there’s practically no escape from him, ever.
He hears Jaehwan’s obnoxious anime theme song alarm clock through the walls first thing in the morning, and no matter how quietly he tries to get ready Jaehwan is uncannily good at catching him as he’s on his way to school, and because they have to practice after regular hours for their duet they usually end up going home at the same time as well, only to repeat the cycle the next day. It’s beyond tiring; it’s exhausting.
“Hyung, how does this look?”
Jaehwan pokes his head out from the dressing room before showing off his new clothes, and Taekwoon manages to nod slightly.
Hakyeon, in typical fashion, had suggested the two of them take Jaehwan out on a makeover day, help him go shopping, etc., but at the last second he was needed elsewhere and so here Taekwoon was at the uniform place, abandoned and betrayed, one of his precious few Jaehwan-free days snatched out from underneath him.
At least, he thinks as he looks Jaehwan over, the new clothes are a marked improvement. Not that he’s going to tell him that.
Jaehwan waits for Taekwoon to say something, but inevitably gives up. “I’ll just get this then, okay.”
After they finish at the checkout, he notices Jaehwan is wilting a little, and for the first time, Taekwoon feels slightly guilty. To his credit, Jaehwan hasn’t been quite as obnoxious as usual, and it’s not necessarily his fault Hakyeon ditched them.
“Here,” he says, avoiding eye contact as he extends his water bottle to Jaehwan. “Don’t get dehydrated.”
Jaehwan’s eyes are wide as he takes the bottle, drinking from it carefully.
“You’re actually nice, aren’t you?” he says all of the sudden, as if realizing something revolutionary, and Taekwoon frowns immediately. “You just like hiding it beneath a layer of prickles.”
Taekwoon narrows his eyes and smacks Jaehwan on the shoulder, but instead of flinching Jaehwan only laughs this time.
“Thanks for the water, hyung,” he says, and Taekwoon isn’t quite sure what he’s so happy about, but he’s positive it’s nothing good.
--
Somewhat placating to Taekwoon’s situation is the fact that Jaehwan didn’t audition in for no reason, after all. Taekwoon only needs to hear Jaehwan play once to know that he’s an excellent cellist, and it turns out he has composition knowledge as well. So, it really is just everything else that needs work.
He reams Jaehwan every time he wanders off on his own when they’re practicing the duet, makes them play in front of a mirror to monitor their expressions, and the metronome has to come out more often than not, but he likes to think they’re making progress, enough that he thinks their final concert of the year probably won’t be a complete disaster after all.
They’re wrapping up a long day of practice one evening when Taekwoon expects Jaehwan to trail after him like a puppy as usual, but when he comes back from his last coffee refill Jaehwan is nowhere to be found. It’s a little weird, but he tells himself that the silence is a welcome change as he walks alone back to his apartment.
The unnatural silence continues as he goes about his evening routine, and Taekwoon almost suspects something might actually be wrong. He even texts Jaehwan to make sure nothing happened, but all he gets in reply is a short ‘I’m fine.’ That’s it; no emojis, no hearts, no anything besides two words of proof that Jaehwan is anything but fine.
And that’s how Taekwoon ends up with a plastic container full of pasta in front of Jaehwan’s door, knocking until Jaehwan finally answers.
“I said I was fine,” he says sulkily, but lets Taekwoon in anyway. His place is more well-kept than Taekwoon expected it to be, but it’s still fairly full of random anime posters and figures and other weird knick-knacks that are all very… Jaehwan.
“I know.” Taekwoon stops staring around eventually, sets the food down on Jaehwan’s coffee table. There’s a laptop open there, and on the couch is a large stuffed animal from that one anime Jaehwan really likes. Jaehwan hugs it dejectedly as he sits down.
“Do you want to talk about it?”
Taekwoon sits down next to him, but Jaehwan only stares morosely at his screen in response. Seeing Jaehwan like this unsettles Taekwoon more than he wants to admit—how is he supposed to order him around when he’s all mopey like this?
He glances at the laptop screen and sees what Jaehwan was looking at—photos of a middle-aged couple, probably his parents. There’s also a few of a smiling young man who resembles an older version of Jaehwan, holding a baby and waving at the camera.
“You miss them,” he says softly, looking down at his hands. Jaehwan nods slightly, hugs his stuffed animal tighter, and Taekwoon has an idea.
“You’re not allergic to cats?” he asks, and when Jaehwan shakes his head, he gets up and hurries back over to his apartment, scooping up his cat in his arms and bringing her over to Jaehwan’s place.
“Her name is Pepero.” He deposits the cat onto Jaehwan’s lap, and though she’d been slightly suspicious of the new surroundings when Taekwoon was carrying her she makes herself at home immediately, curling up and purring contentedly.
“She’s… really friendly.” Jaehwan pets her carefully, a watery smile finally creeping onto his face. “And soft.”
“You… can come over and pet her any time you like,” Taekwoon tells him. He just wants Jaehwan to go back to being his loud, obnoxious Jaehwan self already, even though he thinks he’ll probably regret offering.
But when Jaehwan breaks into a real smile, Taekwoon feels something flutter in the pit of his stomach that doesn’t feel like regret at all.
--
Taekwoon is never late for practice, but he’s currently running at least half an hour late. He’s combed his apartment around five times by now, looking in every cupboard and hidden corner, but he still can’t find his cat.
“Pepero…?”
He goes out onto the small veranda of his apartment and calls for her, wondering if she could have escaped out that way somehow. But he’s positive he didn’t leave it open last night…
A sinking feeling settles in as Taekwoon leaves his apartment, checking the hallways, knocking on neighbor’s doors to ask if they’ve seen her. Jaehwan had an errand to run and left the building a while ago, so Taekwoon heads down the stairs and out of the complex to go look in the courtyard.
Even when the sky clouds and it starts to rain, Taekwoon doesn’t give up looking. He only becomes more worried, more fearful that something happened, that his cat is wet and scared and alone somewhere, or worse.
He barely registers his phone ringing in his pocket, but eventually he goes underneath an awning and answers it, his hands trembling.
“Hello…?”
“Taekwoon hyung? Where are you? Are you okay?”
Jaehwan’s worried voice comes through the other end of the line, and Taekwoon bites back tears as he tries to explain.
“I can’t find Pepero,” he manages finally, his voice barely a whisper.
“I’ll come help you look,” Jaehwan says immediately, even though he has to stay and practice, but before Taekwoon can tell him not to come Jaehwan says to meet him in front of his apartment in fifteen and promptly hangs up.
“Any luck?” Jaehwan manages to ask once they meet up, even though he’s out of breath from running all the way there.
Taekwoon only shakes his head, tears threatening to spill over again. Jaehwan steps forward and wraps his arms around Taekwoon’s shoulders, patting his back comfortingly, and though Taekwoon freezes up at first he gradually relaxes, resting his head on Jaehwan’s shoulder.
“I’ll get my flashlight and we’ll look for her together,” he promises when he pulls back, and Taekwoon nods.
Jaehwan returns with the flashlight and takes Taekwoon by the hand when he leads him back down the hallway. Taekwoon can’t really explain why, but he’s glad Jaehwan doesn’t let go even when they’re outside again.
Thankfully, a couple of hours later, Pepero is sleeping peacefully on a towel in Taekwoon’s apartment.
Jaehwan is markedly less peaceful; he writhes around and complains as Taekwoon treats the scrapes and scratches Jaehwan suffered when he climbed up, and then fell out of, the tree the cat had gotten herself stuck in.
“I could have called for help,” Taekwoon murmurs as he carefully dabs Jaehwan’s scrapes with an antiseptic wipe. “Why’d you go up there yourself?”
“I-ow-dunno, I didn’t-ow-think about it that much.” Jaehwan shrugs between his wincing and squirming.
Taekwoon sticks another bandaid on Jaehwan’s arm, but this time he lets his hand rest there for a moment. He’s supposed to be the hyung, the mentor—he shouldn’t be the one needing help, and even though Jaehwan isn’t injured badly or anything Taekwoon feels responsible.
“Why did you help me?” he asks after a moment.
Jaehwan puts his hand over Taekwoon’s and smiles. It’s not his usual cheesy grin, but softer, almost sad, and Taekwoon doesn’t know why.
“Because I wanted to.”
--
The final concert of the year is only weeks away, but the night after Pepero escaped the apartment Taekwoon gets too much inspiration to not start working on another composition project, one he absolutely has to finish by the time they perform.
He’s never written a duet before, much less one that includes an instrument that isn't his speciality, but the melody won’t leave his head. Much like a certain someone, lately, so at the top of the page he writes, ‘For Jaehwan.’
Taekwoon has to go to Germany not long after the last concert; there won’t be time for another show. But even if they won’t have the chance to play it together for a while, he can still dream about it. The notes flow from his pen like water when he imagines Jaehwan’s face when he shows it to him, when he thinks of the day they can play it on a stage in front of their family and friends.
He won’t know for sure how it sounds until they do, but he hopes that at least, it will make Jaehwan smile.
--
The day of the concert arrives sooner than anyone expected, and despite his recent sidetracking Taekwoon feels confident. He’s done this plenty of times before, and his and Jaehwan’s last few rehearsals have all gone perfectly.
They’re in the dressing room together when he notices Jaehwan fumbling with his tie, and in his struggle he’s messed up the lapels of his suit jacket.
“Jaehwan-ah.”
Taekwoon goes over and smoothes down the lapels of Jaehwan’s jacket, then starts adjusting his tie for him. Jaehwan’s hair has been straightened and styled, his glasses replaced with contacts, and from this distance, he can see every one of Jaehwan’s thick eyelashes, can fully appreciate the way his bangs fall delicately over his eyebrows.
“You look great,” he tells him, and Jaehwan beams.
“Thank you, hyung,” he chirps, and then his smile turns shy. “I, um, know I looked really bad at first, so I’m glad you didn’t give up on me.”
Taekwoon frowns thoughtfully. He finishes adjusting Jaehwan’s tie before resting his hands on his shoulders.
“You’ve always looked great,” he says, even softer than usual. “I’m… sorry I judged you before, Jaehwan-ah.”
Jaehwan shakes his head forcefully. “It’s okay! I mean, it was really scary and hard at first, but I’m really glad it was you who took care of me. I couldn’t have done it without you, hyung.”
He’s blushing ever so slightly, and Taekwoon feels his own cheeks growing hot. He’s about to say something back when Hakyeon pops his head into the dressing room, startling them both.
“It’s almost time, you two!” he reminds them before disappearing back into the hallway.
“We’d better go,” Jaehwan says, and his voice is only a little shaky as both he and Taekwoon make their way to the stage.
“We’ll be fine,” Taekwoon reassures him, and he means it.
He doesn’t feel nervous like he normally does before shows, not with Jaehwan by his side. But when Jaehwan reaches out timidly and holds his hand, Taekwoon doesn’t let go until the very last second.
--
Just as Taekwoon predicted, the performance was a huge success. The audience gave Taekwoon and Jaehwan a standing ovation when they were introduced separately at the end, and even though Taekwoon lives for this, for the beauty of the performance and the audience cheering and clapping for them, part of him can’t be happy at all.
Jaehwan must notice something is off, because even after everyone else has left for the afterparty he walks over to where Taekwoon sits in the corner of the dressing room by himself, mulling everything over in his head.
“Hyung, are you feeling okay?” he asks, hovering over Taekwoon, then immediately starts making a fuss. “I didn’t mess up, right? The audience loved it… right?”
“It was perfect,” Taekwoon says quietly, thinks to himself, you were perfect. He takes the handwritten music sheets he prepared from his bag and stands up, holding them out to Jaehwan.
“For me?” Jaehwan looks confused at first, pointing to himself.
“I wrote it so that we could play it together someday.” Taekwoon stares at the floor, shuts his eyes to stop the tears from welling up. “I wrote it for you.”
“Taekwoon hyung…” Jaehwan takes the sheets from him, clutching them to his chest. For a moment neither of them says anything, before finally Jaehwan clears his throat.
“Thank you so much.” Jaehwan’s voice is sincere, his eyes clear and bright. “Not just for this… for everything.”
I should be thanking you, Taekwoon wants to tell him. He wants to tell Jaehwan how much he means to him, how much he wishes they had more time together, but he can’t find the words.
“Jaehwan, I…” he starts, stumbles. Jaehwan waits patiently for him, and Taekwoon finally meets his gaze.
“I love you.”
Jaehwan’s eyes widen, but Taekwoon doesn’t give him a chance to respond just yet. “You already know I’m going abroad, so I don’t expect you to… to think anything of it. I just wanted to tell you before I left.”
There’s another pause before Jaehwan scratches the back of his neck and stares at the ceiling.
“Um, actually… I applied to spend my senior year in the exchange program with Germany a while ago,” he admits sheepishly. “I was going to tell you I got accepted, but then everything got kind of busy, and—“
“You what?” Taekwoon cuts him off, blinks slowly. “Why?”
Jaehwan’s cheeks and ears turn bright pink, and this time he looks at his feet instead of the ceiling, but he’s smiling now. “I’ve always wanted to travel? Plus, there’s… someone I’m kinda head over heels for that I was planning on chasing after there.”
He looks up shyly at Taekwoon, and Taekwoon feels his own face starting to color. Jaehwan takes another step towards him, and now he’s right in front of Taekwoon, their noses almost touching.
“Is it the part where we kiss yet?” Jaehwan whispers conspiratorially.
“Be quiet.”
Taekwoon slips his arms around Jaehwan’s waist and their lips meet, tentatively at first. Jaehwan’s lips are even softer than they look, and his nose gets in the way a little, but then Jaehwan’s hands come up to cradle the sides of Taekwoon’s face. Like this they eventually find the right angle to deepen the kiss, even if it’s only for a moment before Taekwoon breaks away, overwhelmed. He keeps his arms around Jaehwan, though, and Jaehwan hums with contentment as he slips his arms around Taekwoon’s neck.
“Should we go to the party, hyung?” Jaehwan asks after a few moments, even though he knows Taekwoon will shake his head (and he does).
“Okay then, how about we go back to my place instead and look at apartments in Berlin and pet the cat and watch anime and cuddle and drink hot chocolate together?” Jaehwan suggests. “Because I really wanna do that.”
Taekwoon could do without the anime watching probably, but he supposes he can learn to indulge Jaehwan every now and then. He rests his head on Jaehwan’s shoulder and smiles.
“So do I.”