Chapter Text
Once it's graduation day, Nozomi knows she'll cry. And, as the principal calls her name by the podium, the second she steps on there and rehearses a few words, she knows her heart will stammer. It'll cry out like concrete hardening her insides, mostly her heart. As tears will stream down her cheeks, she'll hold in her yells. She'll look around for her friends, her parents, music instructors, acquaintances of musicians even to instead thank them with a smile. She speaks her words almost like they're played in her mind like a foriegn film. As her words flow there are cracks in her voice but her voice was nonetheless clear and beautiful. Her speech came out as positive. Sweet. Almost like herself, encouraging just as a Kasaki would say.
Nozomi takes a bow and whispers a thank you to Kitauji. She thanks the cleaning staffs for polishing up the memories and thanks her teachers for the euphoric experience. She leaves the stage as some of her friends and even her teachers applaud then the principal reads off the next student on the list. She makes her way over to her Minami tetrad, scooting mostly to Mizore with her parents in the back. When she's close enough, she wraps one arm around Mizore's shoulder, and gives an affectionate pat there and Mizore just leans into the touch, enjoying the sensation. Natsuki and Yuuko as usual with their bickering but because it's in the early morning during an important event, they're not at each other's throats as any other week. It's more like a mild bit of bickering but Nozomi knows once the Minami girls get out to celebrate, their bickering is going to be heated as it is in a boxing match. There's no way one is going to back down until one just does! And, Nozomi doesn't mind it since she'll be able to break it up as usual.
And when the day arrives, it does, there's no way to relive those moments the same again. Nozomi only has the future and the past, it's the same for everyone but as comforting as it sounds that everyone in Kitauji will feel this missing piece in their heart someday, she can't help but weep loud around her three best friends. They all turn around, tear-struck. And graduation day at school is officially over as the principal announces congratulations to the students who attended the graduation. Nozomi sniffles louder and Natsuki joins in with a huge sob as Nozomi's cries are contagious, Yuuko can't hold it in anymore.
"Idiots.." Yuuko can't hide her face anymore as she's biting back her cries she can't help but feel embarrassed. Her ribbon is like a cat as both flaps sag down, dangling from her forehead. Natsuki brings Yuuko into a hug, holding Nozomi on one side of her arm. And, Nozomi looks to Mizore, through her blurry vision, at a purple blob. Mizore lips tremble like a mini quake.
"Nozomi.." her voice sounds distant, sounds like they're not coming from her lips. Mizore has a habit of this, she lets her words float around let them fly away, and never be heard again. Nozomi tries her best to listen as she's already used to Mizore's antisocial self. When Mizore's words sound barely audible, Nozomi hears them loud and clear. Nozomi knows that that's how strong love was. She hopes Mizore somehow feels the same. That her footsteps are somewhat louder than others or are easier to decipher from.
"Mizore, c'mere." Tears make their way towards Nozomi's skirt and they soak her uniform ribbon. She extends her arm to hold out her hand. Mizore pieces their fingers together with eyes glossing around her tears and lips shining with a tug of a smile. Nozomi had already figured out that she's beautiful. Nozomi draws Mizore in and tucks her head under her chin, she secures one arm around her back before the other Minami girls form a bigger hug with them. Nozomi grips her graduation paper tight until her knuckles become white. It just hurts her so. There are tears on their face and chest but for the last of moments, Nozomi spends time with the most precious people of her life.
They go out and take pictures, Nozomi's smiling of course but the aloof Mizore just barely does, her eyebrows meet and her mouth barely makes a peek. Natsuki and Yuuko, like Nozomi's foretelling, are always annoyed and irritated around each other. Then, Nozomi wants to cry again out of happiness and wishes that they would stay the same, that this would be forever but she knows good things don't last forever.
And, she's right.
When she drops Mizore off at the airport before her flight, there's an even bigger hole in her heart. That there's always going to be a presence of absence. She's upset but there's nothing she could do about it. She can't stop Mizore midway through her journey. Nozomi knows to hell that both of them just hardly started. She wants to hold in her tears, and she does, but it feels like chunks of pineapple stuck in her throat. She's clenching her jaw so hard that she feels a headache she may have to worry about later. Mizore doesn't hide it at all, her eyelashes are wet and she looks even more terrible than she was at their graduation. Nozomi's heart sinks. They don't exchange words but it's not like they need to. They just stare at each other in Nozomi's car. Nozomi's eyes threaten to water up and it just does. She isn't surprised by it. This is the most hurt she's ever been. Seeing your most special person going, moving, flying away. Nozomi throws her arms around Mizore and scoffs. Mizore hangs on tighter and she feels as though she should move closer but the middle compartment of the car blocks their thighs from contact. So, Mizore sobs louder, unlike her former self. Nozomi soothes her back and says, "It's okay."
She hesitates on her next words, her tongue is on the brink of saying it so she lets it slip.
"I love you," Nozomi says. Her cheeks and ears burn up, her heart thumps at an unusual pace, she squeezes her eyes shut harder, most intensely. Mizore's body feels warmer, softer. It's just everything at once. Mizore stays silent for a while then laughs a little, pressing her cheek against Nozomi's own.
"I love you too."
Nozomi smiles and feels the pressure winding down. Mizore presses a soft kiss to Nozomi's cheek and Nozomi nearly loses it. She breaks apart the hug and plays with the tip of her ears and earrings.
"Um.. you'll call?" Nozomi asked, squeamishly.
"Of course, Nozomi," Mizore says reassuringly. "I will."
"Every day?" Nozomi jokes.
"Only if you want me to." Mizore laughs.
Nozomi smiles. "This is nice but.."
They both look at the digital clock by the AC compartment.
"I have to go.." Mizore says sadly.
"..yeah you do.." Nozomi replied, mimicking her body language.
Mizore opens her door, taking a long blink as things become over. A loud breath escapes.
"Wait! Here! Let me help you with your stuff!" Nozomi opens her door and jumps out of the car, dashes towards the opposite side, then she opens the back passenger seat to retrieve Mizore's backpack and luggage. "Here," she extends the luggage handle and helps her put on her backpack. Mizore blushes and wants to believe that they're actual lovers.
"Hey, don't forget about your oboe." Nozomi reaches for the instrument at the furthest end of the seats. "Here."
"Thanks.." and like Mizore, she tugs her hair.
Nozomi smiles again. "Oh! And, I got you a little something," she said bashfully.
She reached out for her pockets and slipped out a wrapped thing from her jacket.
".. I made it myself but you don't have to open it up now. Maybe the next time you miss me?" Nozomi giggles, she hands it to Mizore which she curiously took.
Mizore smiles and it's the sincerest passionate smile Nozomi's ever seen. "Sure. Thank you."
Mizore makes her way towards a warm hug, Nozomi just melts to it and reciprocates back moments later. Taking in a long sniff to commit memory. Lavender always reminds her of Mizore as she prints more of herself to Mizore.
Mizore lets go and wipes away some of her tears. Nozomi does the same. She lets Mizore walk away because she knows that the first step to loving someone is to let them go. Putting their life in front of your own. Mizore cranes her neck and waves to Nozomi. Mizore lips move apart from each other but Nozomi's unsure what she's saying because of the planes, because of the crowds.
Nozomi waves and says "farewell," whispers, "until next time." Her heart wanted her to shout "I love you," but she held them at bay.
She watches Mizore through the entrance until she's nothing but a speck in the crowds. Nozomi cries all over again. Mizore has no shadow to follow. Noz
omi doesn't have to turn to look back anymore.
-----
It's the first thing Mizore's attentive to. When she at the airport gate waiting to board her flight:
Open it the next time you miss me.
"The wrapping is so cute though," Mizore whispers in protest. With a cheeky grin, she grazes the paper with gentle strokes. But, she was curious what Nozomi's hand had crafted for her, only for her. Plus, she truly did miss her already. Mizore reluctantly agreed with the latter as she slowly ripped away parts of the wrapping paper. Her heart was like fluttering butterflies as her eyes caught the sight of little cheerful bluebirds seemingly chirping a song, sewed onto a soft and sturdy fabric material. It's neat, sweet, and simple but well thought through. It's so much like her Nozomi. Mizore smiles blissfully at the thought. The thought of Nozomi being a kind, gentle, and considerate person. She had become everything like a bliss child or like heaven's gift. Behind the handkerchief was a folded letter. Mizore's heart jumps, skips a few beats. Another token to cherish from Nozomi, another memento to add to Mizore's collection.
Mizore takes a quick glimpse at the neat letter folded in eight before reading it aloud to herself. "If you are reading this card, it's by chance that you have already seen the gift. The handkerchief that I had made myself. (Well, not actually. I just sewed up the little bluebirds. Haha) The material was from my grandmother's thin table cloth. She told me that I should let her sew the rest of the gift for you but I wanted to sew something that's a bit of me ;) Aren't the borders cute? You can use the gift to clean up your oboe or you could do whatever you want with it! It's up to you! I also wanted to let you know that no matter how many times you revisit the gift, I'm thinking of you. So, you're not alone, Mizore. I think you're a person I'll always hold close to my heart."
Mizore's heart flutters and she did miss Nozomi too. Reading it over and over before taking the handkerchief, and letter, folding it back to its original position, and carefully sneaking it into her purse. Making sure from time to time that it wouldn't God willingly slip. It would cause her so much distress over a handkerchief and note.
-----
Nozomi thinks back to the gift when she settles comfortably in her seat during a stoplight. About how those last few words she'd written down, she's unable to say it in person. So, she wrote them down so that her thick skull wouldn't forget. Natsuki calls her a coward for it but Nozomi thinks it's romantic and knowing Mizore, she'll probably think so too.
The stoplight turns green and Nozomi's eyes get teary every now and then. She steps on the pedal. She cries and cries until she's afraid she made prominent marks on her cheeks. But, she doesn't wipe them off, she knows it won't help as they're like an endless cycle of flowing water.
Nozomi just wants to go home and rest for now.. for now until the emptiness feeling fades away. She knows that's impossible and not a way to cope with severe loneliness but she unironically feels like she needs to get used to it.
Lonely but not alone. Lonely but not alone. Lonely but not alone.
She reassures Mizore.
In that tone. Lonely but not alone .
And, Mizore knows that but if only Nozomi knew that too..