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Sun was setting above Brighton when it finally hit Tommy. He was sitting on the dumpster, Tubbo on one side and Ranboo on the other, with a joint in his hand and a huge pile of nonsense in his head. The only thought that was standing out in the middle of this mess was “you are an entitled piece of shit. just a pot smoking good for nothing”
Ever since he moved here with Wilbur, he hasn't worked even a single day, just hanging out with his two best friends all the time. He stole food from Tesco, telling Wilbur that he bought it, he owed Ranboo at least fifty quid that he wasted on weed and molly, and his life was going downhill a bit too fast.
The blonde boy leans back, resting his head against the brick wall behind them, and watches as Tubbo takes a hit of the joint, as Ranboo tries to hold back his usual mom friend behaviour. Those two bastards always manage to make things work. They always know what to say to make Tommy feel worthy. And for some reason Tom felt like he didn't deserve this, like they are too good to be true.
“Tommy, you are getting so much better at rolling those!” Tubbo laughs, passing the joint to Ranboo, who just stares at it with concern and confusion, definitely debating whether he should go against his beliefs for this. “Hey, you good?”
“Yeah, Tubs, don't worry.” Tommy pulls a smile on his face and jumps off the dumpster, taking the last hit and throwing the smoked out joint on the floor. “Will asked me to come home early today, he has something planned and he wants me to be there.”
“Do you need gum? I have some.” Ranboo passes the little cigarette to Tubbo, and opens his bag, pulling out a pack of mint gum. Tommy grabs it from the american boy’s hands and drops a piece into his mouth. “Text us when you are finished. We wanted to go and watch the meteor shower from the pier tonight!”
“Will do, big man! See ya!” The blonde boy salutes to the two teens, turns around on the heels of his converse and runs off towards the street.
Tommy feels guilt when he turns the key in the front door of their cheap apartment. Faint music could be heard from Wilbur’s room, and as soon as the door closes behind the blond door, the music stops and a messy brown haired man peeks out of the corridor.
“Oh hey! You are early today.” Will walks out, still wearing the same clothes that Tommy saw him in a week before, and smiles weakly. His fingers look red from the thick strings of his old guitar, and his voice sounds hoarse from
singing. “How are the boys doing? I haven't seen them for a while.”
“They are fine, I guess. Ranboo found a job, he now works at the burger place near the pier.” Tommy scratches his head and walks towards the kitchen island, sitting down in the chair. “Tubbo dropped out of college and now works as the waiter at the restaurant near the fair place.”
“That's great Toms!” Will shuffles towards the refrigerator, rummaging for any leftovers they could eat tonight for dinner. He looks extremely tired and Tommy feels extreme guilt once again, watching as his brother tiredly reads the expiration date on the package of precooked chicken. “You smell like weed again.”
“Yeah, sorry about that.” Wilbur looks over at the blonde boy, concern clearly visible in his tired brown eyes. “Look, Will, it's okay. It helps with anxiety and stuff.”
“I know.”
Wilbur is worried. Wilbur is always worried. It hurts so much to be such a dick to the only family member he has left, but Tommy just can't find any energy in himself to actually be a decent human. He feels his eyes burning with tears when he watches Wilbur rip the plastic off of the packaging, and tries his best not to cry in front of him.
Wilbur is trying. He really is. He spends his money on Tommy, barely even managing to tie the ends. Two side jobs, the music career that Will is desperately trying to pursue and a younger brother who is often acting like a pain in the ass is a very hard thing to balance out. And Will is so thankful to Ranboo and Tubbo for being there for his brother.
Ever since they moved here, those two kids were near Tommy at all times, and every single day the blonde boy came home with excitement burning in his eyes and funny stories about what they did that day. Will doesn't understand what happened to his Tom. What happened that led to this sad, tired and fake Tommy appearing.
“Are you planning on finding a job? I can help you with searching for a place that is hiring.” Will pulls the packaging out of the microwave, wincing at the, obviously, not appealing chicken laying at the bottom of the box. “I don't want to pressure you, Toms, but I feel like it would help both of us.”
“Wilbur, I am trying to find one.” Lies. Tommy buries his face in the palms of his hands, avoiding looking at his brother at all. He won't be able to hold back the horrible guilt. “I don't need you to help me.”
“Well, I guess I'll die before you get your ass to work.” Tom can tell that this bastard is joking, but his stomach turns upside down at those words. The thought of Will joining father makes him scared. “Okay, time to eat. Are you staying home after dinner, or do you have plans with your little gang?”
Tommy opens his eyes to see a plate with peas and a little piece of precooked chicken. Not the most appetising meal ever, but that's better than not eating at all. “We are going to go see the meteor shower. At least that's what Ranboo wants to do.” Tom picks up a fork from the table and pokes the chicken a few times, wrinkling his nose at the weird texture of it. “I don't know if Tubboyb has something else in mind.”
“You guys always let Tubbo decide stuff, don't you?” Wilbur laughs and puts his small piece of meat in his mouth. Tommy giggles at that, and pulls out his phone. He shoots a quick text to Ranboo and smiles, when that dumbass replies basically a few seconds later with all the info. “You won't go anywhere until you finish the peas and take out the trash though. I have to be the bitchy brother from time to time, you know?”
“Of course, Will.”
They eat in silence. Tommy tries his best to finish his food as fast as he can, just to avoid his own brother. Just sitting in one room with him makes the dark thoughts appear again and again without stopping. He almost throws his plate in the sink and tells Will that he will go and get ready, before speeding over to the bathroom.
When he stares into the mirror, a disgusting feeling burns in his stomach. He feels sick just looking at himself, at his red eyes, the scratches on his face and hands. It feels almost offensive to Wilbur to exist that way. Tommy pushes his fingers through his greasy hair and sighs, finally not holding back the tears.
Tommy ends up crying in the bathroom for half an hour before he finally goes out. When he passes Wilbur’s room, he sees Will passed out near his laptop, eye-piercing white light from the monitor being the only source of light in the small room. Tom gently closes the door, giving Wilbur the useless privacy, and walks to the kitchen.
The bag of trash is mostly full of empty bottles of cheap wine that Will keeps in his bedroom and packages of microwaveable food and ramen. Tommy frowns, pushing the bag into the dumpster, and jumps into the bus seconds away from the door closing. Ranboo is already blowing up Tommy’s phone with messages, and the blonde boy quickly assures his friend that he hasn't fallen asleep or forgotten.
The cheap and small apartment buildings change into big and expensive restaurants and shopping centres, weird little houses, and just fifteen minutes later Tommy spots his friends standing near the bus stop at the pier. Ranboo looks around with a worried look on his face, and whispers something to Tubbo, who simply nods and sighs. Tom jumps out of the bus as soon as the doors open and rushes towards his friends, stumbling down as he runs across the pavement. Ranboo greets the blonde boy with a hug, and Tubbo gives him a simple warm smile. It's okay, he doesn't like being physical and Tommy knows that.
“Hey, Big man, we got a surprise.” Tubbo shoves Ranboo and the taller boy smiles, taking off his backpack. “I saw how upset you were tonight, so I thought we could have some fun tonight to help you unwind!”
“The fuck do you mean?” Tommy wants to protest, saying that he's fine, but before he can even think of what he can say, Ranboo opens his backpack. Bottles of expensive and fancy wine are carefully wrapped in two blankets, and Tommy can't hold back the shocked exhale. “How did you…”
“We asked my dad what wine is the best, and he said that this one, and I quote, tastes like shit, but hits harder than a train. Whatever the fuck that means.” Tommy stares at the bottles for a few more seconds, before drifting his gaze back at Tubbo’s excited face. “Then, me and Ranboo found some money and went to find this particular wine.”
“It was very hard, so you better enjoy it” Ranboo laughs and closes the backpack, throwing the strap back onto his shoulder. Tommy is speechless. Those two assholes went and did it again. They made him feel like he matters again.
They walk across the pier, talking about absolutely nothing and everything at the same time. The shore is almost completely empty, only a couple of people wandering around holding hands and chatting. Tommy takes a big swig of the wine straight out of the bottle and passes it to Ranboo, who skepticslly eyes the continents of it before shrugging and drinking some.
Schlatt was right. It tastes absolutely awful, with a bitter aftertaste that lingers for a while, but just after a few rounds of big sips both Tubbo and Tommy were more than a little tipsy. Ranboo, for some reason, stayed more or less sober, which was very confusing to Tommy’s mushy brain. Tall dumb fuck, food probably expires before it reaches his stomach. They settle down on the sand, placing the blankets on the ground and almost falling on them.
“I hope this won't sound rude, but… Why were you so down today? You don't have to answer if you don't want to.” Ranboo awkwardly places his hand around Tommy’s shoulder, taking the bottle out of the blonde boy’s hands and taking a sip on his own.
And if sober Tommy would've come up with some witty and funny response to this question, drunk Tommy feels his emotions brewing up a bit too fast and getting too overwhelming for his liking. He stares at Ranboo, watching him pull his black mask back above his nose when he is done with wine, and tries his best to think of a good answer.
“Uh… I just feel worthless.” Tommy sighs, finally telling the truth. He doesn't joke around, he lets the words spill out of his mouth as fast as he can as if they are burning his mind. “Wilbur is working his ass off and I just smoke weed, play the piano while he is at work and lie to him. I didn't even go to college, I don't even know what I want to do with my life.”
“Hey, calm down Big man.” Tubbo smiles softly, placing his hand above Ranboo’s, and Tommy genuinely feels at ease just from that simple gesture. “You are not worthless for starters, we really love you and you mean so much to us both. And to Wilbur too, obviously.”
“Yeah! And he definitely understands. He is your brother and he doesn't care if you smoke weed or not, he doesn't care if you don't work or not, he will love you no matter what.” Ranboo nods, pulling his mask down as a sign of being genuine. This bastard always does this when they are talking about serious stuff. “We can help you get a job, if you want. I bet I can get you a vacation at the burger place.”
“Or I can get my boss to hire you. He is a very nice dude and he has a cool scar across his face.” Tubbo signs at the left side of his face, mimicking the scar that his boss has, and Tommy genuinely thinks that that is really cool. “We love you, dude. You can always tell us if something’s wrong, we are here for you.”
Tommy feels this warm tingle in his chest. It always happens when those two dumbasses say something tooth rotting sweet, or lay in the grass with him, or whenever Wilbur tiredly hugs him while whispering something so comforting. He feels loved.
And when the first shooting star flies across the sky, Tommy makes a wish, just like he used to do when his father was alive, wishing to get used to feeling loved.