Chapter Text
My eyes opened to my dark room. The bed was cold, a sure sign he was gone. I rose from the bed, dragging myself to my wardrobe. I slipped into my clothes slowly, thinking of the conversation I was about to have with my husband. He was never home, and even though this marriage was arranged, I thought he might’ve put a little effort into it. Truth be told, I’ve loved him for months now. His dark demeanor, his hair, the way he holds himself, how he holds me close while we sleep. He didn’t always use to be this distant. When we were first wed he use to spend hours in our shared courters with me, but now we hardly ever eat dinner together. I understand he’s busy, but I can’t take being alone all day anymore. I don’t know his feelings for me either, something he’s never stated. I feel like our relationship is just him owning me, and the little affection he shows me is to remind me that I belong to him.
When I walked into the main living area of our courters I saw him lifting his helmet to his head, back turned to me in front of the door, about to leave. I have to tel him now, before I lose my nerve.
“Kylo, wait.” I called after him.
He froze at the door, and with a sigh, he turned around. He let the helmet fall to his side in his hands. His voice was hard and rough when he spoke, “What?”
I took in a deep breath before replying, “I know Hux has you working extra hard right now, but I would really appreciate you being home more. I just get so lonely up here all day. Even if we could just eat our meals together I would feel so much better.” I twisted my fingers together anxiously as I waited for his response.
His face remained the same. Then, his reply came: “ I am the Supreme Leader. It is not my job to play house with you every day. I actually have responsibilities, maybe if you actually did something on this ship you wouldn’t feel so lonely.” I knew he was upset with me for asking him to stretch himself further, but I can’t stand reliving the same day over and over again. It’s not like I’m asking for the galaxy for stars sake.
I tried getting my point across again, “I know you’re busy, Kylo, but I’m you wife, shouldn’t I be entitled to more than a small amount of your attention?”
His face now showed his anger, the atmosphere around the room changing instantly. I tensed in fear.
“You’re not entitled to anything!” His voice was rising, “just cause you’re a spoiled princess doesn’t mean you get everything you want!” He was yelling now and my hands were balled in fists.
It was my turn to raise my voice: “ I gave away my life for this empire! Just because I fell in love with you doesn’t mean it wasn’t a hard choice to make! Can’t you at least try to make my sacrifice worth it!” I was yelling now too, angry tears threatening to spill over. Kylo unwaveringly still stood in front of me.
“I never asked you to be loyal to me! There are plenty of other men on this ship! Go to one of them for your unimportant needs!”
I was go angry at the man before me. “I don’t want any other man! I want you, my husband!” My tears were falling freely down my face now.
He delivered the final blow in our argument: “I never wanted to marry you. I only did what was best for my empire.” I felt my heart actually shatter in that moment. Nothing was important anymore. I couldn’t feel anything, I couldn’t even sense Kylo’s presence in the room with me, the force connection we shared must have split like my heart. I was only able to stare blankly at his chest through my sea of tears. Watch his raise his helmet to his head, and walk out of our courters. Listen to the sliding door open and close with a whoosh.
I felt myself slip to the floor, and then the sobs came. I sat there for who knows how long, before my tears suddenly stopped. I rose from the floor and walked to our plush sofa, sitting down on the soft cushions. I sat there for so long, thinking of only our Kylo, despite how much I didn’t want to. I found myself thinking over the fight. I wasn’t in the wrong was I? No, all I wanted was for my husband to realize my existence, that was the bare minimum. I remember when I was first asked about marrying Kylo Ren. He had caught my attention the first time I had heard about him. How strong he was with the force, how fast he was climbing the ranks of the empire, how beautiful he was supposed to look.
I first met him at a ball my father had thrown for the empire. It was a big social event for my kingdom and the empire to grow closer in their alliance. When I saw him I immediately knew all those rumors about his looks weren’t lies. He was magnificent with his long dark hair and tall build. That’s when the spark I had for him first started. We only spoke for a moment that night, when my father introduced us for the first time. I knew from that moment that I wanted to be his. I was absolutely over the moon when my father asked if I’d marry him to strengthen our alliance with the empire. I said yes at once. I knew what I was giving up to be with him, but I would be his, and that’s all I needed.
Our wedding was amazing. I was stunning in my black dress, and I only hopped that he truly thought so as well. He was always polite to me, and complimented me on that day more than enough to convince me. But as our marriage went on he grew distant, and then we fell into the dynamic we have now. I wake right before he leaves for his duties and say goodbye to him, before I’m left in our courters. I walk around aimlessly through the halls of the massive ship, and even sometimes talk with some of the officials. Hux and I are almost friends, and even though I know Kylo hates him, he isn’t all that bad. I’m always home to greet Kylo though, and then we ate together before we might talk a little about my kingdom or my day. I always do most of the talking, and he just sits there, listening to me. Then Kylo will shower and go to bed. I prefer to use the giant bath once he’s done. Then, we lay for bed, and the only way he’s intimate with me is when he holds me to his chest when he sleeps. I think he had horrible nightmares before marrying me, and this small gesture helps keep them away. I love being so close to him though, and I’m happy to be a source of comfort to him.
I don’t know how long I’ve been sitting here, thinking over my whole relationship with my husband, when I hear the emergency alarms go off. My attention snapped into focus as four storm troopers found their way into my courters, ushering me out, talking about the need to get me to Kylo. That makes sense, he’s probably the safest place I could be right now. I rose from my seat as I walked with the troopers towards the only door. Suddenly, one of the trooper’s turned and murdered the other three with his gun. I froze in place as he ripped his helmet off.
His hair was cut in the typical stormtrooper fashion and dark brown. He was tall, not as tall as Kylo, but he had quite an amount of inches over me. He was much stronger than me too, something obvious by his build. I was terrified as I called out to Kylo frantically in my mind. The man had a smile on his face. A creepy, horrifying smile, like he thought this was all some kind of joke. I backed away from him, my legs shaking under me. “Where do you think you’re going, sweetheart?” His voice was scratchy, and it sent chills down my spine.
He suddenly lunged towards me, so fast I couldn’t react. His tight grip locked around my wrists, and I couldn’t pull away. That didn’t mean I didn’t try though. I kicked and pulled away, frantic to escape from this man. I screamed out to Kylo over and over to save me in my head, “Please, Kylo! I need you! There’s someone trying to attack me! Please!!” My cries were getting more and more desperate. “I’m sorry for fighting with you! I’ll never complain again! Please come save me Kylo! I’m so scared!” Those words played over and over in my mind until the man spoke again.
“Your husband isn’t coming for you, sweetheart. So there’s no point in calling for him.” His smile only grew at my continued fear of him. How did he know that? Tears were falling down my face again, as my next idea came to me. I opened my mouth and screamed. Screamed as loud and long as I could.
The man shut me up with a hard punch to my left check. My face snapped to the right from impact, and a sob of pain fell from my mouth. “You stupid girl! I assure you no one is going to hear your pain.”
Just like that the constant torture of his brutal hands were upon me, beating me to my limit. My blood covered the surfaces of my home. My ribs broken and bruised. My face covered in cuts and dark, purple marks. I couldn’t take it any longer. I was going to die here, in my own living space, by a man I only met once. To think the last words said to my lover were angry ones. I hope he can forgive me one day. For leaving like this. I can only wish that the alliance my kingdom and the empire has doesn’t collapse because of my murder.
The last fully conscious thing I remember is the man looking down at me, with his ever present smile. “Having fun, sweetheart?” His voice laced with amusement. With the little fight I had left in me, I worked around the remaining spit and blood left in my mouth, and spit it in his eye. In a fit of rage the man lifted me from the floor, and threw me across the room, where I shattered a mirror with my back, landing hard on my side, right on top of the glass. My body was aching and my blood flowing freely. I kept my eyes closed. These were my final moments, and instead of letting the evil man win, I want to be thinking of my best memories with Kylo.
I thought of our first dance as a couple. He was quite good, surprising me in the best way. I thought of every morning when I woke up in his strong arms. I thought of when he would take my kingdom’s side in any argument about our alliance. I thought of the play fights he and Hux would hold about my outfit choice of the day. Slowly, the crushing feeling of the man’s boot ramming into my stomach stopped.
“Goodbye for now, sweetheart. I’ll see you soon.” And with that, he walked away. I heard the whoosh of the door opening and closing. A sense of relief filled me, now I can die in peace. I was fading fast, the sounds around me fading. The last things I heard and felt were confusing.
I heard the opening and closing of the door again, thinking the man was back to ensure my death. I heard the stomp of boots, different than the mans. I heard the gasp leave a new comer. Heard the shout of help from the new man, with my fading hearing I couldn’t tell who the voice belonged to. Although only a few people had access to Kylo and I’s courters. I felt the warm hands on my body, trying to keep as much of my blood in as possible. My eyelids were too heavy to open. Every part of my body too heavy to move in the slightest. In my last few moments of life, I heard the voice of my rescuer.
“Hang in there, you’re going to be okay. Just hang on a little longer.”
I lost all conciseness after those words were uttered in shear panic.