Chapter Text
Claire’s cursor hovered over the accept button. She held her head in one hand, mouse in the other. Was she making the right choice? Could she really uproot herself and move herself way over to the other side of America?
She would be leaving San Jose, the only place she’s ever known. She’d be leaving Morgan, Alex, Shaun, all of whom have become her closest friends throughout her residency. She’d miss working alongside them, getting drinks with them after work. Morgan, although previously overly competitive and mean towards her, had warmed up to Claire and they became each other’s support network.
Furthermore, she’d be leaving Audrey. The trauma surgeon had become more than just a mentor to her. She looked up to the woman like the mother she never had growing up. Audrey was always looking out for them and making sure they were well both mentally and emotionally. Audrey had even wrote her a stunning recommendation letter, which was surely what got her into the program in the first place. She’d hate to be unable to seek counsel from the older woman whenever she needed it.
And then there was Neil. Her best friend. Or the closest thing she had to one.
That was a whole other can of worms she didn’t want to open. Whatever it was between them, she couldn’t risk their careers over it. She wouldn’t risk her career over it.
But would she be able to leave him behind? She knew that doing so was essentially ripping a part of herself and leaving it behind in San Jose while she pursued a career elsewhere. Then again, that was exactly the reason she had to leave. Before it got too complicated.
She clicked the “accept” button before she could second-guess herself, essentially cementing her future.
~
Claire took a deep breath in and exhaled slowly, releasing the tension in her shoulders. She strode into St Bonaventure with a confident gait, hopefully for the last time. From tomorrow onwards, she’d be a John Hopkins attending. She just had to finish up her shift with no qualms and everything would be good to go.
As soon as she entered the resident’s lounge, she had a faceful of Morgan. The blonde girl had jumped up from her seat and rushed over before she could barely get her foot in the door. “Good… morning?” Claire greeted tentatively, snorting at the look of anticipation on the other surgeon’s face.
Morgan groaned. “You’re torturing me with this suspense. Please tell me the decision that I know you already made.”
“Starting tomorrow, I’m going to be a John Hopkins attending.” Claire announced proudly. She felt her heart aching, but she buried it deep down and masked it with a huge grin on her face.
“Urgh I’m so excited for you!” Morgan exclaimed, gripping Claire’s biceps. Claire couldn’t help but smile genuinely at the other girl’s excitement for her. She felt a bit bad that Morgan could no longer live out her dream, and was living vicariously through Claire instead. “I’ll.. miss you. It wouldn’t be the same around here, God forbid Shaun comes to me for relationship advice, or patients complain about how bad the rest of us doctors are at communicating.”
This elicited a giggle from Claire, and she brought her arms up to hold the other girl in a tight embrace. “I’ll miss you too, Morgan.”
They held each other for a while before separating. “So did you tell Melendez yet? How did he take the news?” Morgan squeezed Claire’s hands in her own. Throughout the whole ordeal, Morgan knew about their feelings for each other. She had apologised profusely to Claire some months after her favouritism complaint when she came to understand the situation and realise Claire wasn’t using Neil to get ahead. Afterwards, she had been Claire’s biggest cheerleader and was almost as affected by their not-relationship as Claire was.
Claire shook her head in response to Morgan’s query, a sad smile on her face. “I’m not telling him, Morgan.”
“You’re WHAT? You can’t not tell him, Browne! He’s going to be a royal pain in our asses if he finds out you left without telling him! I don’t know if I can deal with him moping around the hospital!”
“Deal with who moping? Shaun get into relationship trouble again?”
Both girls tensed, and Morgan’s jaw snapped shut as they turned to acknowledge the one and only Neil Melendez walking into the lounge.
“Good morning,” He greeted cheerily, his easygoing grin faltering at the way the two girls stared at him, trying to decipher how much of their conversation he heard. “Is everything okay?”
Not much then.
“Yeah we’re good. Claire and I were just discussing a patient.” Morgan lied smoothly. The cardio-thoracic surgeon was not fooled. He narrowed his eyes at the pair. Morgan had been under his tutelage long enough for him to know when she was not telling the truth, considering how often it was. They were saved, however, by the urgent beeping of all three of their pagers simultaneously.
“Oh great! A vehicle pile-up! Let’s go, Browne!” Morgan all but dragged a sighing Claire out of the lounge and to the ER. Neil sighed dejectedly as he watched them go, catching the way Claire's emerald eyes seemed to have glanced back at him before following Morgan. It was so fast, he almost thought he had imagined it. He hated the distance he could feel between Claire and himself. Even when they were in the same room, she felt miles apart from him. He hoped he could fix it soon.
~
Claire’s last shift had been a complete blur. With the vehicle pile-up, she had been in surgery after surgery, with a bunch of different attendings. By the end of the day, she was glad to be going home, even if it meant leaving St Bonaventure behind.
“Dr Browne.” Claire looked up from her locker at the sound of her name. The nurse next to her wasn’t anyone she recognised in her years as a surgical resident, which was odd considering the fact that she made an effort to remember every one of their names.
He had tousled mahogany brown hair, twinkling green eyes, and was sporting a charming grin. She sensed a weird familiarity about him, and she felt oddly pulled into him, as if he were a black hole. She couldn’t quite explain it but it felt like the man was.. glowing in a way. Like he wasn’t quite real. It unsettled her greatly.
“Can I help you?” She asked warily. The man laughed warmly in response.
“I think the real question is if I can help you. I see you chose John Hopkins. Oh no wait, choosing John Hopkins wasn’t the issue, that was just an extension of the problem. I see you didn’t choose Neil Melendez, and John Hopkins was just an easy way out.”
Claire’s eyes narrowed at the mysterious man. Nobody other than Shaun, Alex, Audrey, and Morgan knew about her choice, and she doubted they told this guy. She felt a range of emotions from concern for her career and protectiveness towards Neil at the sound of his name. What did this man know, and what was he planning to do with this information?
“I’m sorry, who are you? Why do you know about this, and how is it any of your business?” The doctor asked defensively.
“Oh excuse me, I forgot my manners. Zachariah, nice to meet you.” The man held out a hand to shake, which Claire just stared at incredulously. “A mouthful, I know. All magic users have complicated names like mine. Just call me Zach.”
Magic? Did this man take her for a fool? “Listen, buddy, I have no idea who you are or what you think you know about me, but it’s getting creepy. Please leave.”
Zach rolled his eyes good-naturedly. “Well duh, that’s the point of the introduction. And you’re a skeptic. Great. Okay listen, listen. Just hear me out, it won’t kill you, you can choose whether or not you believe me tomorrow,” The man continued, not allowing Claire to interject, “You aren’t happy, even though you got the job of your dreams or whatever. Don’t even try to deny it. But clearly you’ve made up your mind and I can’t say anything to convince you otherwise, so instead I’m going to show you. What you’ll be missing out on.”
“I-what? That doesn’t even make sense. I have no idea what you’re even talking about-“
“Wait shhh,” Zach stepped forward, wrapping his fingers around Claire’s wrist, effectively silencing her. “Your boyfriend’s coming.”
They both heard the locker room door swing open then, and Zach smirked playfully.
“Hey, get your hand off of me,” Claire growled. She had no idea what to make of that ‘boyfriend’ comment.
“Claire?” The surgeon felt a wave of relief crash into her at the familiar voice, accompanied by his very welcome face as he turned the corner to face them.
Neil took in the scene before him, squinting at the stranger’s hand still around Claire’s wrist, his face hardening. The smaller doctor felt her heart sing as Neil instinctively took a protective step forward. “Is there a problem here?” His voice remained steady, but the underlying threat rung clear.
“Wow,” Zach commented, letting go of Claire’s hand. He had an excited, almost manic grin on his face, which did nothing to assuage Neil’s concern for Claire. “You see what I mean? You’re missing out, girl.”
Turning to Neil, Zach gave him a casual once-over. “And no, sir. No problem here. I’ll be taking my leave now.” Hands in his pockets, Zach practically skipped out of the locker room, slamming the door behind him.
As soon as the door shut, Neil’s face softened and he stepped in closer to Claire, worry written all over his face. His hands came up to hover around her, stopping short of touching her. “Are you okay? Who was that guy? Do you want to file a report? I can follow you to HR.”
The curly-haired surgeon chuckled, amused. There he was again. Mother-hen Neil. She already felt so much better. “No it’s okay. He didn’t do anything before you came to my rescue. Thanks for that by the way.”
“Any time. Are you sure you don’t want to report it?” The smaller doctor felt her heart melt at his open concern for her.
“Yeah I’m good. I will report it if he exhibits repeat behaviour.” She lied easily. She was already leaving and there was no point opening a case now.
“Okay, if you say so.” Neil let his hands drop to his side before taking a step back to maintain distance between them. “I came to say.. great job in the O.R. today. You saved many lives.”
Claire’s heart leapt as it always did when Neil praised her. She had noticed him glancing at her a few times during surgery, but thought better than to mention it. She couldn’t give in now when she was leaving tomorrow.
“I.. Thank you. You too, Melendez.” He had been looking at her expectantly, but deflated at the formal use of his last name.
“Sooo I was wondering if you’re up for some friendly drinks tonight? To celebrate your last night of being a surgical resident. My treat.” Neil had one eyebrow raised. He tried to keep a straight face but the sides of his mouth quirked upwards slightly.
“I’m sorry I can’t, I have an early morning tomorrow.” Claire wanted nothing more than to say yes and give in with wild abandon, but she knew she couldn’t. She had already made her choice and she had to stick to it.
“Oh.. Sure. Maybe next time.”
Claire sighed. “Sure. Good night,” She turned and walked out of the room with resolve. She had to fight herself to not turn back. The crestfallen expression on his face may just be what makes her give in and fall into his arms.
~
Claire’s phone buzzed on her bedside table, lighting up with a new text. She picked it up and opened the text.
Hey, I heard Morgan and Alex are staying at Bonaventure. Of course I hope you stay too, but any hospital would be lucky to have you. I’m sure the choice you make will be the right one. -NM
Claire groaned as she read the text. She didn’t know how to interpret it. “I hope you stay too”? Was that practically an “I love you” or was she overthinking it? And if she stayed? Would they be able to keep a professional distance between them?
Sometimes she would catch him gazing at her longingly, and often she’d see him in her peripheral about to reach out to her before stopping himself. It hurt her to see him like this, but she knew she couldn’t reach out to him either. They were wading in dangerous waters as it already was. It wouldn’t help either of their careers if the rumour mill picked up on their situation, no matter how innocent it was.
The doctor sighed. She was tired of this, and she tried to ignore the pang of guilt she felt at not telling Neil she was leaving. It was easier this way.
Placing her phone face down on the bedside table, she settled in to sleep. She had an early flight to Baltimore to meet her new team and settle her living arrangements. By the time Neil started his shift the morning after, she’d be gone.
Hopefully, she was making the right choice moving away. It was time to move on.
Her conversation with Zachariah played on repeat in her head as she tossed and turned. She didn’t believe in magic but she had to agree that he didn’t appear quite.. normal. His last words before Neil walked in rung in her head as she finally fell into a deep sleep.
I’m going to show you. What you’ll be missing out on.
~
“-aire? Claire? Come on, babe, your pager is beeping. They need you.” A very soothing familiar tenor cut through the haze, and Claire slowly roused from sleep.
“Five more minutes..” She mumbled, curling in on herself again.
“Noo.. Claire. You’re needed for a consult,” The warm hand that was stroking her head gently to prevent her from falling back to sleep was persistent, but also entirely calming. His tone was almost pleading now, with a hint of reluctance as if he didn’t want to wake her up as much as she didn’t want to wake up.
Claire groaned, propping herself up on one elbow. She brought one balled up fist up to rub at her eyes blearily. She heard Neil laughing affectionately as she struggled to comprehend where she was and what was happening. Wait. Affectionately?
Wait. Neil?
WAIT. BABE?
Claire shot up, eyes wide as if shocked awake. The soft blanket she was previously wrapped up in fell off her body and to the floor. She swivelled around quickly as she tried to make sense of what was happening right now. She was in Neil’s office, asleep on his couch! How did that happen? Last thing she remembered was falling asleep in her own bed after receiving that text from Neil.
“Wha…? Dr Melendez! What is happening? How did I get here? Did I miss my flight!?”
“Woah woah, calm down, Claire. You came in here after your early morning surgery to take a nap. I didn’t want to wake you because you seemed like you needed the sleep but I had no choice. Your pager went off. Also, your.. flight?” Neil chuckled, “I don’t know what you were dreaming, but you’re definitely not leaving San Jose any time soon.” He gravitated towards her. “Also, Dr. Melendez?” Neil huffed playfully. “Should I be calling you Dr. Browne? Will you be into that?” The flirtatious way in which he said it and the wink he sent her triggered a torrent of emotions within the smaller doctor.
Fear flooded Claire’s system, activating her fight or flight response. She had no idea what was happening and it was throwing her for a loop. She could feel her heart racing as she tried to make sense of the situation. She would never have come into Neil’s office to take a nap, and he sure as hell wouldn’t have been so chill about it if she did. Moreover, Neil should have known by now that she accepted John Hopkins’s offer. Why was he acting like she was staying? And why was he using endearments on her!? She realised that there wasn’t one “Dr. Browne” since she woke up, a way they tacitly agreed was a good semblance of distance and professionalism in the hospital.
“.. Are you okay, Claire?” Neil asked her, worry clouding his features as he watched the colour drain from her face. “Could you be catching a fever?” Neil took a step closer to the couch, crouching so that he was just below her eye level. The way he looked up at her with concern and tenderness was something she could get used to. No. Wait. Thoughts like that were dangerous territory. Claire shook her head to try and clear it.
The cardio-thoracic surgeon brought a hand up slowly. Claire’s eyes widened as she watched it move towards her forehead, almost in slow motion. She swung her arm up, slapping his hand out of the way and practically leaping off the couch to maintain a professional distance between them.
The slap reverberated throughout the room, and Neil turned to look at her, startled. His hand was still floating mid-air.
Claire was holding her breath. The only sound interrupting the heavy silence now present in the office was the insistent beeping of her pager.
“Claire…?” The smaller surgeon winced at the raw hurt present in the man’s voice. He looked equal measures confused and lost as he stared at her questioningly. His eyes seemed to search her face for answers. As if he couldn’t comprehend why he would rebuff her.
Zach’s laughing face resurfaced in her mind. Whatever was going on, he definitely was a part of it.
“I have to go. Thank you for letting me rest here and for waking me up, Dr. Melendez.” The curly-haired doctor stated coldly, quickly stalking out of the room. She had to find Zach.
“Dr. Melendez?” Neil whispered to his empty office. The air suddenly felt a lot colder now that he was alone. Almost frigid. The doctor’s shoulders drooped and he slowly picked himself up off the floor. He watched Claire’s retreating back through the glass forlornly, wondering what he did wrong.