Chapter Text
The night was quiet as usual over the New Mexico Desert, a light breeze blowing the tumbleweeds along their path. A young man stands in the middle of the desert, a small imperfection on the long flatland carved into the earth by the harsh conditions. He stands at a phonebooth, the tone of the end of the call blaring into the man’s deaf ears.
The young Scout looked down at the phone in his big meaty hands. Every week he came out to the phone booth at the same time. This inconspicuous booth was out in what seemed like nowhere, but it was there for him and his coworkers. Despite that it was a miles out from the base, he ran out every week to hear from his Mama. Every week it seemed neither had much to say but he continued calling just to hear the reassuring tones of his mother’s voice. This week had brought a change however. Usually his mother talked about his sibling in a cheery tone, of course she did he had 8 siblings, all boys and all growing up and flying out of the nest one after another. At least, until now. From yesterday onwards he only has 7.
Scout stood in shock. His brother, 3rd oldest, Big Joe, best soccer player of the bunch had been struck by an oncoming vehicle and slaughtered in the street to the horror of several onlookers. But despite all the witnesses the perpetrator had driven away and hadn’t been found. Nobody memorized the plates or got a good look at the driver it seems. At least, that’s what his mother said. Scout just stared at the phone in his hands. He hadn’t talked to Big Joe in several years, sometimes there are long stretches between reunions since so many of his brothers had moved away or had been busy for one reason or another and Scout was no exception.
The sun had gone down surprisingly fast before Scout had remembered where he was and what was going on. He slowly returned the phone to the hook and realized that it had been beeping this whole time. He had ran the length of the road and it hadn’t been a short run at all but his walk back had taken a few hours. Scout didn’t have any of his usual expendable energy. He was racked with guilt and grief. He was considerably young and inexperienced when it came to grief. Death he had gotten plenty used to, he dies multiple times a day. But to lose someone forever, that was new to him.
Once he had arrived back to the base the moon was high and reflected off the metal roofing of the shack-like building. Scout assumed most of his teammates had gone to sleep already judging by the silence of the place. Something that was also earie and unfamiliar to him as he was used to going to bed at the same time as the rest of his teammates. He quietly trudged his way back to his room and collapsed on his bed, feeling emotionally and physically exhausted. All he could think about is poor Joe, left to die and he wasn’t there, none of his brothers there to save him. He cried into his pillow feeling just as alone. What good was such a big family if they can’t help each other at a time like this. He wished he could go home to his mother, but his contract restricted him from travel anytime outside of holidays. After all there was a pointless and endless war going on and his job was to be a weapon until the forces above him get bored of him.
The next morning, Scout awoke to the usual awakening alarm from outside. He had to get to work, no matter what the conditions he had a duty that needed to be fulfilled. He put on a fresh uniform, he didn’t bother changing out of yesterdays last night so he made a mental note to not get too close to anyone before showering at night. He headed to the lockers and grabbed his gear. He greeted his teammates with a tired smile, a few teammates looked on with slight concern but they were all gearing up and didn’t have time to pry while they mentally prepared for the daily battle.
The battle went below average, the usual chaos of the battlefield didn’t make as much sense as it used to to Scout. He simply couldn’t get his head in the game and it showed in his daily performance, By the end of the day he was so frustrated he was cussing out anyone he could his hands on.
“What was that?” Engineer asked as Scout was closing his locker revealing Engie’s face.
“What do you mean what was that? Get off my dick!!!” Scout was downright ready to fistfight anyone.
“Settle down, Pardner, relax. You just seemed a bit sloppy today is all”
“Yeah well, How bout you suck my dick about it!!!” Scout shouted.
Scout jumped at a hand on his shoulder, he turned around and looked upwards to see his medic looking stern. “See me in ze medbay after dinner today.” he said and then left the room.
Scout just glared as the doctor left the room. His other teammates stayed to talk a little bit before getting showered off but Scout went straight to his room in a huff. He knew he was being unreasonable and a dick for no reason to his teammates but he didn’t want to talk about what was bothering him. He just wanted to be alone, he figured he would apologize later when he felt better. Scout pulled his shirt over his head once he got to his room. He was sweating like a horse in the sun and although the sun had started setting it was still unbearably hot. He carefully unfurled his bandages and took off the rest of his clothes to get into the shower.
He felt awful. He knew he let his team down today, but he couldn’t stop thinking about Joe. it really just wasn’t fair. It wasn’t fair at all what happened to him. The idea he had about the world had fallen apart last night when he heard the news and he just couldn’t think about anything else. Sure, he knew that car accidents happen. People die all the time, every day, young and old. But it all seemed distant, like something that happens to other people. But now he was really coming to terms with mortality, Scout knew he was safe, if he would get hit by a car randomly he’d just respawn but that was the gift he was given in return for fighting an endless war every day. It would be awful bloody and taxing if they’d have to get a new person every time someone died. But his family, his brothers, his friends, his mom, they could all die at any moment and there was nothing he could do about it. He probably wouldn’t even be able to attend Joe’s funeral.
Scout stood facing away from the water, letting it run down his back. He wondered briefly what medic wanted with him. Probably some check-up, or perhaps he was going to lecture him about his behavior. Scout rolled his eyes at the thought as he got out of the shower, wrapping a towel around his waist.
After sitting on the bed for a while he heard someone call out that it was dinner time and he put on some leisure clothing and headed towards the mess hall. Scout grabbed his tray and sat down a ways away from the others, he didn’t really feel like eating but he knew that if he didn’t eat now he’d get hungry at night so he forced down a few bites.
“’Ey, what’s up with you Scout?” Demoman asked, his voice slightly slurred from a day of drinking.
“nothin’ Demo.”
“No seriously kid, you seem out of it today. Did something happen?” Engineer had a gentle hushed voice and leaned a bit closer to the young man.
“Get off me. So I didn’t do well today! Whatever! I’m just tired! Fuck off!” Scout stood up, dumped his tray on the collection shelf and fast-walked back to his room. He collapsed on his bed and buried his face into his pillow.
Scout didn’t really know why he didn’t want to tell anyone what’s been going on, he just felt frustrated that he couldn’t do his job as well. He was trying to just shake off what happened to an extent and he was mad that he couldn’t as much as he wanted to. He was mad at everyone for noticing that he was bothered even though Scout was trying so hard to not break down at any given moment.
Scout looked at the clock on the wall and remembered that he was to meet with the medic in the medbay today. He groaned and pulled himself out of bed and slouched his way towards the medic’s room.
“Hey doc, I’m here.” he muttered as he pushed the double doors out of his way.
“Ah, Hello Scout, thank you so much for coming!” the German smiled, Scout could tell he was trying to be inviting but the doctor’s smile always seemed more like a menacing grimace. “I invited you so I could esk vat is wrong? Your performance vas undervelming today and I am vorried zere iz some kind of medical issue.”
“Oh, uh… well, no there’s nothing wrong really…” Scout rubbed the back of his neck and looked away from the Doctor. “not physically anyway…” he muttered.
“you know Scout, stress can manifest itzelf in many physical vays even if it’s not caused by a physical trauma.” Medic looked down at the scout with a softer gaze.
“Well, uh… I called my mom yesterday… and I got some bad news.” Scout spoke in a much quieter tone than his usual brash voice.
“Ah, I’m sorry to hear zat Scout, do you vish to talk about it?” Medic put his hand on Scout’s shoulder. “It might make you feel better.”
“I don’t know… I don’t really feel like it…” Scout couldn’t look the doctor in the eyes so naturally his eyes began to wander. His vision got caught on a small statue sitting on the medic’s filing cabinet. It was of a woman with her arms spread, she had robes on covering her body except her eyes which looked serene and peaceful. Somehow the statue calmed Scout down, it gave the room a maternal energy that put the boy at ease. He faced the doctor with a little more confidence.
“Well, actually… My brother passed away a few days ago and I only found out last night…”
“Oh, Zat’s terrible. How did he pass?”
“He was hit by a car…” Scout started to tear up and he looked away, he looked at the statue again. He choked his words through his tears. “Just out of nowhere, and they never found the bastard that did it.”
Medic invited Scout to sit down on a plastic chair next to his office desk, he sat down as well and offered Scout a biscuit. Scout refused, wiping his face with his arm before medic gave him a box of tissues.
“Zis must be a turbulent time for you Scout but I know that things will end up okay. God has a plan for us all and I’m sure zay you’re brother is with him now.” Medic reassured the boy in a pleasantly unusually soft voice.
“yeah yeah sure I’m sure that’s why he let my brother die.”
“God invited him home Scout… He has a plan for each and every one of us. Would you mind if we prayed for him?”
“Ugh, Whatever. I don’t care.” Scout blew his nose.
Medic folded his hands and muttered a short prayer in German. While his head was bowed Scout took a closer look at everything in the room. There was a cross on the wall above his operating table, the cross had a figure of a man on it. Scout had always thought that it was a bit gruesome to see a statue of this man bleeding and suffering on this middle age torture device while he was going through whatever medical procedure he was there for, but now it seemed to provide a different atmosphere. Something seemed nice about the cross, something comforting.
“Have you ever been to church Scout?” Medic asked.
“oh, uh no. My family isn’t religious no…”
“I see you noticed the crucifix on the wall” Medic paused. “That’s Jesus on there, do you know about him?”
“I’ve heard the name… a couple times probably…” Scout felt embarrassed. He knew his grandma went to church back when he was a kid but he never really understood anything about religion. He remembers knowing the story about Jesus’ birth from a nativity scene he saw as a kid but that’s about it. He didn’t know why the character he knew as some kind of important baby was being displayed in some kind of gory art piece.
“As a Christian, I believe that Jesus Christ died on a cross so that people like you, me or your brother can go to heaven Scout.” Medic looked from the cross to the boy next to him. “God loves us so much that he sent his only son down to earth so we could be saved.”
“No offence doc, but you sound like a nutball right about now.”
Medic chuckled, “Perhaps you’re right. Vell, It’s about time you get to bed no? Didn’t it feel better to get zat off your chest?”
“Yeah I guess… whatever, G’night Doc” Scout casually stood up and walked back to his room thinking about how strange Medic was but he had to admit to himself that it did feel a little better now that someone else knew what he was going through.