Work Text:
They had found it sophomore year of high school, bored on the bus home and trolling ao3 for the weirdest shit they could find. And they had found a completely unironic The Adventures of Tintin and historical french revolution era RPF crossover fanfiction rated explicit and marked gen. It was written by one xxxbloodysecace666xxx and it was the perfect intersection of basically competent writing and completely batshit subject matter.
Cameron gleefully showed his phone to Jez, and they revelled in a fanfic where an unabashed love for violence met absolutely no knowledge about the French Revolution to create a true masterpiece, both chapters of which they read aloud to each other in hushed tones, broken by joyful peals of laughter. Jez took one for the team and bookmarked it, and likely that would have been that-- if it hadn’t updated the next day, with a chapter even more off the rails than the previous two.
The time-travelling Tintin was investigating the death of Marat, which had been described fully and in a manner much gorier than the historical reality, which was a delightful enough turn of event on its own, even without--
“Oh my God, Jez,” Cameron said breathlessly. “The authors note.”
Jez peered at her phone. “I can barely see what it says through the cry-typing. Holy shit.”
“I think it’s about the hate comments on the other chapters,” Cameron said, though, to be fair, it was sort of difficult to tell between the unironic cry-typing and random sentences in French. “And also… something about leaving France?”
“Xxxbloodysecace666xxx is really going through it huh.” She paused, then grinned. “I’m gonna leave a comment.”
Carmen made a grab for her phone. “Aw, come on, that’s mean.”
“No, no!” She batted him off, “A nice comment. I promise.”
Guest as JnC: This fic is sooooo good xoxo i love your robespierre characterization!!! Excited to see whether tintin is going to get away with murdering all those jacobites XP
“Oh my god. Send it. Send it!”
“Already did.”
They sat staring at the monitor on Jez’s desk. After a minute or so, they moved on to playing smash bros. It was several hours later that Jez received a notification.
“Cameron.” She put the controller down, something between glee and panic on her face. “Cameron, xxxbloodysecace666xxx responded to my comment. In French.”
Xxxbloodysecace666xxx: ahh merci d'être si gentil avec moi tout le monde est si méchant avec moi tout le temps mais ton commentaire était tellement gentil anonyme !! tout le monde me crie dessus pour les fautes de frappe et les erreurs ... j'ai écrit ça dans l'avion sur mon téléphone et je sais que j'ai fait du mauvais boulot mais j'ai fait de mon mieux ... j'ai fait de mon mieux en france mais j'ai échoué là aussi et et J'ai dû laisser tous mes amis derrière parce que ma mère retourne à (expurgée) parce qu'elle a terminé ses études supérieures et j'ai dit que ça allait et que j'allais bien avec le changement et que je faisais mieux mais je ne suis vraiment pas et la France me manque déjà mais ahh je suis désolé de me plaindre mais oui merci j'ai arrêté de pleurer pour la première fois ce week-end quand j'ai vu ça
“What the fuck?” Cameron said slowly. “What the fuck? Put it through Google translate.”
They did. It was an odd mixture of gratitude and oversharing about the histrionics engendered by a move from France which was so earnest and pathetic that they knew they would be following the course of this fanfic for all time.
And, over the next three years, they did. They learned more about xxxbloodysecace666xxx than they did the French Revolution.
They were with him in the comments and authors notes as he started college-- that’s right, he was two years older-- when he began working part-time at a combination tea and flower shop where his fingers were cut up by roses and he was terrorized daily by, as he reported, the meanest customers on the planet. They were there when he fell childishly and pathetically in love with someone from his calculus class, and they were there when he failed his calculus class.
Cameron and Jaz were also there when Marie Antoinette escaped and became a vigilante after brutally disembowelling Jacques Necker, and when Tintin mobilized the sans-culotte against the rule of Robespierre and his anachronistic co-regent Marc Anthony, and when Charlotte Corday killed and skinned Napoleon to take his place as general before marching on Paris like Julius Ceasar. They were even there for the weird subplot of the Marquis De Lafayette getting lost in the Paris catacombs for weeks and becoming the king of the rats.
There were other regulars in the comments-- over time the fic gained a small cult following-- but none that had been there so long, or who so regularly got author responses, than they did.
They had gone to different colleges, with earnest promises to stay in touch and fears that they wouldn’t. Then, the second day of classes, Jez had texted to tell him xxxbloodysecace666xxx had updated, and he knew they would stay friends. It was odd to say, but though they had never met him, it was like they were a band of three, and they read the authors notes with as much, if not more, attention that they did the fic itself.
Cameron: JEZ
Cameron: have u seen his update
Jez: Something is rotten in the state of xxxbloodysecace666xxx?
Cameron: weirder
He drummed his fingers excitedly on the table, desire to drag it out and tease Jez warring with his need to discuss every possible angle of the update. When he saw the rating had, after three years, changed from “gen” to “m/m” he knew something big was happening but wow. Wow.
Cameron: you know the weird oc he introduced at the end of last chapter
Cameron: he. He just. He just onscreen hooked up with saint just
Jez: Wh
Jez: what
Jez: i hate. I hate to ask but. Was it. Explicit
Cameron: kind of yeah
Jez: who the FUCK is gawain
Cameron: well. Good news. Secace tells us!
And he had, right there in the authors note, which was of course in French.
Xxxbloodysecace666xxx: Salut à tous! merci d'avoir lu comme toujours. le nouveau personnage est un insert pour mon petit ami. désolé de changer de gen mais il a spécifiquement demandé que son personnage couche avec saint juste haha aussi il a dit de vous dire de le suivre sur instagram @gawain :-D gauvain si tu lis xoxo
Cameron: okay, okay. So theres a lot to unpack here. But. according to the authors note the new oc is an insert. For
Jez: oh my god
Cameron: okay so you know the guy he talked about in like every authors note for a while. From his calc class. Who he then like suddenly stopped talking to.
Of course, Jez remembered. That was the chapter where Marquis de Lafayette led his rat army out of the catacombs in an epic battle against Charlotte- Napoleon and died when his own rats turned on him and ate him alive. The authors note had been strikingly cry type free, which made them more worried than any of the rants had been. To their relief, the two seemed to have made up a bit later, or were at least speaking to each other.
Cameron: okay so in the beginning note it says that hes now dating that guy, and has been for a couple weeks. And thats who the character is an insert for
Cameron: for his boyfriend???? Who specifically asked???? To have sex with saint just onscreen in this fic????????
Jez: o
Jez: wow
Jez: okay. Thats
Cameron: wait. Theres more. Secace linked. Linked
Jez: stop dragging it out or ill fly to orlando and punch you
Cameron: he linked his boyfriends instagram. His real name is also gawain.
Jez: s end me the link please god
Cameron: its @gawain. Hes. okay dont get mad at me for saying this but gawain is really hot.
Jez: cameron. Stop being gay and use your detective skills. We might learn secaces real name today cameron.
As suggested, Cameron set to digging. If he felt at all guilty about internet stalking Gawain, his guilt was massively overpowered by curiosity. Over three years of knowing him as a screen name, and today they were going to see the real xxxbloodysecace666xxx.
Except they weren’t. Gawain, as far as his Instagram (15K followers, not bad) reported, was a senior in college working part-time as a barista whose claim to minor fame was being hot and confusing. His pictures featured a rotating cast of background characters including brothers, cousins, past hookups and co-workers, but no actual boyfriend, except in passing mentions, where he was only referred to as “my boyfriend.” No tag, no name, no pictures.
Cameron: the trails gone cold :((((
Jez: we cannot let it end here. Were so close. I'm gonna message him
Cameron: oh my god. Oh my god. You cant. Oh my go
But she could, and she did.
@JeznotJezebel: hi so. This is gonna sound weird but did your boyfriend write a fanfic about the french revolution and tintin
@Gawain: wfeesgdrtftg yeah why
She almost dropped her phone. For a panicked moment, she considered throwing it out the window. Then she took a deep breath. They had to know. After shooting out a panicked text to Cameron, she crafted a faux casual response
@JeznotJezebel: oh lol i was just like. Me and my friend found it and thought is was hilarious and wanted to know who the actual person that wrote it was.
This seemed insufficient, and before even a grey trio of dots could appear indicating forthcoming response, she sent another massage.
@JeznotJezebel: to be honest my friend and i have been reading it since the second chapter i honestly think its kind of un ironically great. We comment on every chapter lol
@Gawain: oh shit thats crazy. Hold on lemme get him. He doesnt have an insta but ill hand over my phone
Quickly, she texted Cameron and screen shared over Discord, so he could see the conversation in real-time. And, after a few anxious moments,
@Gawain: ahh hi gawain said you wanted to know who i was? From ao3?
@JeznotJezebel: oh my god. Oh my god. Hi
@JeznotJezebel: sorry that was a weird reaction lol. Its just like i feel like ive known you for three years. Me and my friend cameron are always commenting as JnC. Is your real name secace?
She immediately cursed herself. Cameron immediately texted to curse her. Asking for a stranger on the internet's name was the least cool and normal thing she could have done. This whole thing was a mistake.
@Gawain: thats so nice of you… i cant believe you actually read it…. Ahhh its embarrassing but it actually meant kind of a lot to me that u were nice back then so thank you i guess haha
@Gawain: and my name isnt secace :-) it’s lancelot