Chapter Text
Zhongli knew he was forgetting something. It was a feeling of some sort, nagging him from the back of his head, until he woke up, narrowly avoiding the clingy arms of Childe, and started preparing breakfast. That was when it hit him. He’d forgotten to buy croissants. Xiao was already awake watching a random news channel with Qiqi in his arms, and the sisters Ganyu and Hu Tao were probably sleeping in or somewhere else in the house he didn’t have the information of.
Childe walks in the room, half asleep, and notices the expression of Zhonglis face, "Hon, there something wrong?"
Zhongli pauses when he looks over to his husband, ginger hair a mess and tiredly rubbing at his eyes. He’d been making some eggs for breakfast, the smell probably floated into the bedroom, awaking the other man.
“I think we have forgotten the croissants.” Zhongli answers sheepishly.
Childe is no longer half asleep. He knows the Costco is halfway across the city, in the big parts. And even if you survived the New York like nature, that Costco is owned by a Hilichurl gang. You would have to book a time, then book how long you'll be in there for, then pay the heavy prices. In other words, Childe's face went from 'I just woke up, where is my coffee' to 'I am not mentally prepared for this.'
This was how Childe did not want to start his day. Nuh uh, nope, not a chance. But of course they had forgotten something from their most recent shopping trip. Childe took his cup of coffee Zhongli had prepared for him, and drank it like there was no tomorrow. Ah, perfect flavor. Zhongli really knows what he loves- FOCUS AJAX, YOU HAVE A CRISIS ON YOUR HANDS AND YOU GOTTA SOLVE IT. What should they do?
Childe went through the options in his head:
A. Croissants? What croissants? EH FORGET ABOUT IT
B. Ask if we really need the croissants
C. Tell Xiao to go buy them Croissants. Wait no Xiao can't buy the croissants, he won't listen to Childe.
C Part 2. Go buy the croissants
D. Jump out the window, start a new family, you don't need them.
Childe was thinking about doing plan D, but decided that that wasn't necessary right now "Do we, necessarily, need the croissants?"
Zhongli paused his small assault on the omelet he was eating, as a sleepy Hu Tao came to the table with Ganyu to eat their fill.
Zhongli hummed thoughtfully, “Well, I should ask the kids for their opinion. Ganyu? Hu Tao?”.
Hu Tao looks up, “Yo”
Ganyu mumbles something, realizes that nobody heard her then stops eating to ask, "You need something?"
Zhongli looks a little disapprovingly at Hu Tao’s response but asks, “Do you two want any croissants?”
Hu Tao chokes on her chocolate milk, and Ganyu raises a hesitant eyebrow, “Well, I-I don’t really need them....” Came Ganyu’s meek response while Hu Tao elbowed her sister in the side gently. “Oh c’mon, Yuyu, I’m pretty sure you were craving for those delicious Fontaine goods.” Hu Tao wiggles her eyebrows at Ganyu’s embarrassed blush.
Ganyu doesn't give an answer. The room goes silent except for the TV in the background.
Hu Tao tried to make the awkwardness go away, "You should probably just ask Xiao."
Zhongli begins to walk over to Xiao, so Childe just yells to get Xiao over there, "XIAOOOOOO WE HAVE A QUESTION FOR YOU!"
Xiao only glares up at Childe and seems to mutter something to Qiqi, before patting her head gently and coming over. “What do you want?”
"We are debating over getting croissants. What is your vote?"
“What is this?” Xiao snorts, “The presidential election?”
Hu Tao looks over, "Yes, should we vote for the one with a blond wig and is covered in orange juice or the old one."
Xiao and Hu Tao look mischievously at each other while the other three in the conversation make some sort of dying/choking noise.
Xiao begins to walk back. "I'm assuming you're not voting then."
“I was going to ask Qiqi. She has to have an opinion on this, right? My own opinion though, it doesn’t concern you.”
"OH IS THAT A THREAT FROM THE EMO CAT BOY?!"
Xiao only rolls his eyes, “I’m just saying my opinion doesn’t matter.”
Hu Tao begins to speak before being cut off by Zhongli so they don't start an argument. Xiao then walks over to Qiqi and asks, their conversation barely audible but after some quiet talking, Xiao nods understandably and finds himself, yet again in front of his parent(s) and sisters.
"She said she would like some croissants."
Childe thinks about plan D again.
Zhongli sees his look and glares, because he has a vague idea of what is going through his husband's mind. And for Archon's sake, they were married, happy, and had children. Childe decides to not get the heck out of there, because it's just Costco, what could go wrong?
"Ok, we'll go to Costco."
“I have a bad feeling about this...” Xiao sighs and goes to his room to get dressed.
A while passes by and they are in the car, headed to Costco.
The Costco they didn't know had a bomb inside.
The Costco that was in the news not too long ago.
The Costco that was also on fire not too long ago.
Childe is at the wheel, with Zhongli in the passenger seat next to him, and Xiao is sitting with Qiqi in the middle seats, while Ganyu and Hu Tao are sitting all the way at the back. Qiqi has Xiao’s phone, looking at bird videos, Ganyu and Hu Tao are listening to some music (separately) and Xiao? Watching over their youngest sibling with an almost fond look.
They are at the Costco, but it seems it, and the road beside it, are all abandoned. Hu Tao looks out the window, "Heh, it looks like a ghost town."
Ganyu unplugs her headphones looking out the window nervously, while Xiao gently takes his phone back, asking, “Are you sure we’re even in the right place?”
Childe pulls the window down to see the sign. This was Costco all right, but it seemed to be shut down. Childe looks around wondering what the heck happened and sees that the Hilichurl that was monitoring the area with a list, was dead. But he didn't know that, the hilichurl looked asleep from that angle.
“WE NEED TO GET THEM CROISSANTS QUICKLY!"
Zhongli sighs in relief, "I see you finally care about our childre-"
"THE TIME DUDE IS ASLEEP, IF HE GO PAST HIM WE WON'T HAVE TO PAY HIM $100 FOR NOT CHECKING IN EARLIER!" Zhongli's mad spending habits didn't help Childe's bank accounts, so any money he can save is a golden opportunity.
Zhongli sighs again, but this time it's much, much, disappointment. Xiao only rolls his eyes, Ganyu lets out the breath she had been holding, Hu Tao only giggles mischievously whispering something about ghosts and the grim reaper, Qiqi, well. She’s Qiqi. She asks for Xiao’s phone again, like nothing happened at all.
The family enters the Costco, here is where I would say 'carefully,' but Childe ain't care bout nobody and only has one main objective: GET THEM CROISSANTS BEFORE THE TIME DUDE WAKES UP.
Everyone else maneuvers throughout the store carefully, Hu Tao telling Ganyu fake tall tales to scare Ganyu. Also yes, Qiqi successfully has Xiao's phone again and is watching bird videos.
Everything is fine until Xiao looks away for two seconds, then goes to check on Qiqi, and the child isn't there. "Anyone know where Qiqi is?"
Everyone stops, then turns to look at Xiao. Ganyu starts doing the heavy breathing parents do when they realize they are screwed.
Hu Tao isn't helping at all. "Can't believe it, the tales are true."
Everyone turns to Hu Tao. "She has been taken by ghosts, don't worry I know a gu-"
"HU TAO PLEASE, YOU’RE GONNA GIVE ME A HEART ATTACK!"
Qiqi is just inside the shopping cart, holding the phone like her lifeline.
Eventually they split up, the groups having different objectives from each other.
Childe is finding the croissants,
Xiao, Ganyu, and Hu Tao are looking for Qiqi,
and Zhongli is making sure nobody steals the cart.
Zhongli feels like he should be looking for something. It’s probably Qiqi, his fatherly senses are silently screaming at him, but alas, no Qiqi in sight. Also, did the fog just get thicker or was his eyesight health declining faster than he thought it was?
Hu Tao realizes the fog is thickening, the ghosts must be near.
"Guys the ghosts-"
Xiao looks at Hu Tao, "There aren't any ghosts."
Ganyu falls on the floor. Xiao looks at Ganyu, and checks her pulse.
"She's still alive, far from dead even." Hu Tao comments erily.
He gets up. "WHO GOES THERE!"
No response.
“WHO DID THIS TO OUR SISTER? ANSWER ME-“
“Xiao, Xiao, chillll... you’re overreacting. I think I have some things we could use to communicate with the ghosts...”
Hu Tao starts rummaging through her backpack, while Xiao looks at his younger sister like she’s crazy. (Newsflash: She is)
Meanwhile:
Childe, DOESN'T GIVE A CRAP THE FOG IS THICKENING, HE JUST NEED THOSE DANG FRICKIN CROISSANTS!
Eventually he passed out because he sprinted for too long. So much for training his body to defeat strong foes.
BACK TO THE CHILDREN GANG:
Hu Tao pulls out a Ouija Board and candles.
She sets up the ritual, "Oh ghost of, probably, many, please answer the questions that I have!"
Ouija Board says, "What the fuck do you want"
Xiao shouts at the board, "WHAT DID YOU DO TO MY SISTER?"
Hu Tao slaps Xiao’s arm, "No that's not how you do it, you must ask the ghosts nicely.”
“Fine, fine, who are you, and will my sister be okay?” Xiao asks with a surprisingly soft tone that makes Hu Tao's face turn into one resembling the surprised pikachu meme.
Hu Tao realized that this would be the perfect prank. She spelled out "fuck you idk" on the Ouija board.
Xiao probably shouldn't have fallen for it. He picked up the board and snapped it in half. "HEY, that was the only Ouija board that worked!"
"Your 'luigi board' is stupid."
"It's Ouija, there's no L."
"I don't care, now help me carry your sisters body back to the-"
The candles that Xiao, also, knocked over started a small fire in the back of the store. Zhongli is now scared. Fear is slowly seeping into his bones, chills of nervousness for himself, and his family. His hands grip the cart tightly, and as the fog gets thicker he can hear the screams of his family, the possibility of not even making it out alive, just for croissants- Oh Archons. He smells fire now.
And Qiqi is still inside the cart.
Childe wakes up to the smell of fire and the screams of his children. He looks up and.. OH MY GOD HALF THE STORE IS ON FIRE! Childe turns and finds the thing they came for, THE CROISSANTS! He sprints over and grabs those fontaine pastries, and begins to run back to the cart, or at least where the fire isn't at.
Meanwhile:
Xiao is screaming,
Hu Tao is screaming,
Xiao is carrying Ganyu's body,
Ganyu wakes up,
Ganyu is screaming.
Childe runs in the direction of the screaming, croissants in hand, sprinting as fast as his legs can take him. They’d all split up right, so Zhongli was somewhere, all alone with the cart.... Okay, get the other children first, THEN worry about Zhongli. But another question? ...Where was Qiqi?
Ganyu is trying to put the fire out with cryo, but the fire was too large. She sees a fire alarm and sets it off, hoping to set off the others with just one (yes they weren't on that entire time). Ganyu aims her bow and hits the Fire Alarm. Nothing happens.
Then something did happen, a very burnt wooden board fell down and hit Hu Tao, knocking the wind out of her. Xiao shoves the wood off of her, and picks her up. They continue sprinting to where they hoped Zhongli and the cart where at.
They still hadn’t found Qiqi, but Ganyu bravely assumed Zhongli had found her and they were waiting for the rest of them to come back. They’d also need to find their other parent, who had hopefully escaped the slowly dying down fire (thanks to the sprinklers actually working after Ganyu shot at them multiple times) and had the one item that brought them upon this mess.
The croissants.
Childe, sprinting faster than he ever has, eventually found the cart by tripping over something and falling on the cart. Zhongli was glad to see a familiar face during this entire situation.
"Thank Archons, you’re okay Childe."
"I found the croissants..."
"Where are the children? We need to get out of her-"
"I THOUGHT YOU HAD THEM!"
"NO!"
"THEN WHY DO YOU HAVE QIQI?"
"WHAT DO YOU MEAN, WHY DO I HAVE QIQ-"
Zhongli then looks at the cart to see little miss Qiqi just sitting there.
“Oh.”
Childe looked at Zhongli, "I'm going after them," and almost started to run, but he heard screaming children coming their way.
They eventually see Xiao and Ganyu holding an unconscious Hu Tao. Zhongli looks over each family member, hugs included, and Childe lets out a sigh of relief as there were no (major) injuries besides Hu Tao. The unconscious female was put into the cart with Qiqi who was still watching bird videos with Xiao’s phone.
They decided, TO GET THE HECK OUT OF THERE. Xiao pushes the cart and they eventually make it to their car. They can almost taste home until the cart wheel gives up entirely and stops the cart completely.
Xiao just picks up the croissants and starts running to the car. Qiqi is in the arms of Zhongli, and Hu Tao was on a piggyback ride with Childe. Unlocking the doors, getting inside, and making sure the croissants were okay was very suspenseful as the hilichurl guard could awaken at any second.
Childe kept looking over his shoulder to check if the guard had awoken, and finally realized that he's dead.
MEANWHILE:
Xingqiu is talking with Chongyun. "Something goes wrong every time you sense an evil spirit, and I don't think I can catch u-"
"I SENSE AN EVIL SPIRIT!" Chongyun jumps out the window and starts sprinting towards the Costco.
Back to Costco:
The family is now driving away from the Costco, with the fire department and police going towards Costco.
“All's well that ends well right?” Childe sighed tiredly, earning a glare from Xiao in the back. “We almost died.” Ganyu and Zhongli could only sigh as the two began arguing, but, at least Hu Tao wasn’t awake to cause more chaos.