Chapter Text
sol isn't sure when she realized it was jiwan. she can't remember a time where the drawings that occasionally inked her arms (and sometimes her legs) weren't linked to jiwan in her mind. it helps her just as much as it scares her. it's far easier to take care of your forgetful best friend when her lists show up on your skin too.
despite the normalcy of soulmates, of being covered in drawings and notes from the one person who's destined to be yours, sol still hides hers. there's rarely a day where she isn't in long sleeves, where she isn't carrying a jacket, where she doesn't have a backup plan in case something goes awry. the root cause eludes even her, however. she isn't sure if it's a fear of other people knowing, a fear of jiwan's drawings outing her, or a fear of jiwan herself finding out how sol feels without her getting to find the words for herself. nevertheless, she takes extra steps to keep her skin covered, and tries not to think too much about it all.
on the other side of things, nabi cannot even begin to figure out who her soulmate is. love has always seemed so hopeless to her, what with how it's treated her since her first relationship. and maybe that's on her for wanting to date around instead of patiently waiting for her soulmate to find her. either way, when she's not busy working or out drinking with her friends, she's staring helplessly at the drawings on her skin, wondering who they belong to. sometimes she adds to them, doodling meaningless things onto her skin late into the night when she can't sleep, nights where she's up until the sun threatens to spill its light past the horizon.
last night was one of those nights for nabi, and it shows in the way she drags herself into class and settles down at her workstation with a noticeable THUNK. it takes all of what little energy remains in her body to not bury her face into her arms and sleep instead of working, but the mental image of the professor nagging her for the umpteenth time proves to be motivational enough.
before she can get too swept up in staring sadly at her failed attempt at a sculpture — or as she likes to call it, "working" — yun sol silently strides to her desk and grabs her attention. it's not hard to pick up on her eyeing what few drawings ink nabi's arms that morning, trying to make out what they are, and for whatever reason, she feels particularly self-conscious of them.
"ya, nabi. long night?"
ah, sol. always straight to the point. nabi likes that about her, that she doesn't often make small talk. it's refreshing.
"something like that," she replies, sighing. "not sure why."
it's only a partial lie, but it still sits heavy on her mind. she's never been too keen on lying, even if she does acknowledge that it's a necessity from time to time. sol hums in response, eyes flicking to nabi's partially finished sculpture.
"anything new," she asks, and nabi's gaze immediately drops to the drawings on her arms. they have this conversation all too often.
"so far today it's been... tame. thankfully."
just before nabi is able to show sol the drawings she's had show up today, bitna walks into the studio, boisterous as ever, gyu-hyun tailing silently behind her. sol and nabi exchange a brief look before greeting their peers. there's a chance that their conversation will resume over text later. nabi returns to staring at her half-finished sculpture disdainfully while bitna goes on about something or other — she wasn't really paying attention — and sol heads back to her project.
the little morning chats are becoming more frequent, though nabi never minds. talking to sol is a welcome break from her sometimes overwhelmingly extroverted best friend. she loves bitna, truly, but it's nice to talk to someone who's more her speed here and there.
"sol-ah! can I see your arms? please? I wanna see what your soulmate drew today!"
sol had been staring at nothing in particular until jiwan's voice brought her back down to reality, and her gaze found her best friend's. she's silent for what's probably entirely too long a time, taking a breath before speaking.
"jiwan-ah... what if I told you there wasn't anything today?"
jiwan's face falls, dark brows knitted together in a frown. she has no reason to not believe sol. who was sol's soulmate if they couldn't even be bothered to decorate her skin with pretty pictures deserving of someone as wonderful as her? she doesn't get it.
in all reality, sol's forearms are littered in little doodles and jiwan's handwriting, and the thought of it is normally enough to bring a smile to her face. but not now. she keeps her composure, drumming her fingers mindlessly on the table they both sat at.
"what do you mean, there's nothing? that doesn't make any sense," jiwan says, and brown doe eyes drop to her own arms to look at the artwork of the day. it's all so beautiful. there's a planet surrounded by little stars and a very carefully written '사랑해' so as not to give away handwriting, among other little drawings littering her skin. "who do you think it is?"
sol hesitates. lying to jiwan is hell on earth. it feels cruel. they're supposed to tell each other everything, isn't that what jiwan always said? she pretends to think to give herself more time to figure out what to do. she could conjure up the name of a random guy from their university, sure, but she'd risk the guilt eating her alive. on the other hand, she could just confess, but that sounded like a mistake best saved for a day that wasn't this one. perhaps one where she's under the influence of alcohol, and can blame everything on the drunken brain fog.
"uh... I don't know. maybe moon jun-myeon?" it feels like the lie burns her lips, like it rolls off her tongue coated in a poison that only she feels. "thought I saw him looking at me the other day in between classes like he knew something I didn't," sol says, shrugging like it's nothing, like she's not lying through her teeth. hopefully it's believable.
"oh." that's all that leaves jiwan's mouth, and her shoulders slump. it's weird, sol thinks, that she's acting like this. but jiwan's always been weird, it's one of the many things she loves about her. she doesn't really try to fit in, she's always been herself. silence settles over them for what feels like several minutes before jiwan's voice breaks it. "do you want to go see a movie?"
sol hums, still drumming her fingers idly on the table.
"sure," she nods, standing up so that jiwan can take her arm like she always does. sol doesn't ask what movie — knowing jiwan, she'd explain on her own, — she just lets the shorter girl pull her along contently.
•••
sol walks jiwan home after the movie. it's an unconscious habit for sol. wherever she goes, jiwan follows, and wherever jiwan goes, sol is never far behind. of course, sol makes more independent, non - jiwan - related choices than jiwan makes non - sol - related ones, but nevertheless. there's always been something endearing about that, about jiwan taking sol into consideration above all else. but she really wishes that jiwan would do some things for herself, that she'd follow her own passions and do what makes her happy.
jiwan has yet to stop talking about the movie they saw, and that's okay with sol. they're trudging through mostly empty streets, and sol has found she has a knack for glancing at jiwan just as she's bathed in the warm glow of a streetlamp. it almost takes her breath away. she makes mental plans to write jiwan some kind of note on her wrist later, after they're both home, telling her how beautiful she is.
in that moment, sol forgets that she might not be jiwan's soulmate and that it doesn't always go both ways. this is as good a way as any to find out. if she commits.
in the meantime, she walks and listens, nodding here and there so that, if there was any doubt in jiwan's mind, she knows for a fact that sol is listening. they walk together until they've passed where sol lives by a few feet, and jiwan abruptly stops, throwing sol for a loop.
"sol-ah," she says, smiling. "can I stay with you tonight?"
and though she hesitates, when has she ever really told jiwan no? never, unless it was something that was genuinely for her own good. and they both know that.
"sure." she smiles right back at jiwan, though it doesn't even come close to rivaling jiwan's. they turn around and walk back to sol's place arm in arm, and sol can't shake her little smile.
nabi isn't sure how she got roped into this. or why it had to be her apartment that their friend group, save for sol and jiwan, got drunk at. but here she is, and here they are. she's been nursing the same shot of soju all night so far, and the drinking games aren't helping.
she's hardly even playing with them at this point, just sitting back and watching them whisper questions to one another, watching the chaos unfold when an answer is given.
she stands up to get something to from her kitchen, and for a brief few moments, she's able to vaguely drown out her buzzed friends. it's a short reprieve from the hubbub of drunken university students, but like all things good and peaceful in yu nabi's life, it doesn't last. her attention is drawn right back to their drinking game when she hears someone get bitna's attention to ask her a question next. everyone in the circle looks around expectantly, cheeks flushed and alcohol at the ready.
just as she's about to return to whatever she was doing (it's really just a poor attempt at pretending to be busy), she hears her name. it takes her a moment to process everything through the sudden influx of movement and noise as their friends rush to find out what was asked, but bitna had answered with her name.
"you'd really kiss her?" someone blurts out, though nabi isn't really sure who. jang se-young, maybe? nabi's brows furrow and she makes her way back to the group in silence.
"no way you'd do that," one of the boys says.
"you willing to bet money on that?"
nabi's acutely aware of the grin on bitna's face. it's the same mischievous grin she wears so well when she's talking about the rumors she's heard.
"yeah, 29000 won says you won't."
nabi can hear her heart in her ears. it's anxiety, she tells herself. this entire experience is such a mess, it can't be anything else. she only faintly hears bitna agreeing to the bet before she's crawling her way over to her shell-shocked best friend.
"may i," asks bitna with that same grin. nabi gulps.
"uh... i guess so."
it's just for bitna to win the bet, she thinks to herself. it's not weird to agree if it's on a bet. bitna leans in, lightly cups nabi's jaw, and kisses her. it's nothing too glamorous, just a few short seconds, and her fingers just barely curl into the hem of Bitna's shirt, where her hand is hovering. her head is spinning, and the shocked responses all around her sound like TV static.
once bitna's gone back to her spot, nabi downs her soju with shaking hands, ready for the night to be over and for everyone to leave her home so that she can have some peace and quiet.
•••
things never really work out for nabi, it seems.
almost everyone went home later that night. emphasis on almost. bitna had asked to stay the night, and nabi was unable to say no. now she's sprawled out beside nabi in bed, and nabi can't sleep. she keeps thinking about what happened, about bitna kissing her. that was so out of nowhere, wasn't it?
she resists the urge to groan. she doesn't want to wake bitna up. this is hell. this is her own personally curated hell. she picks up her phone to text sol, even though it's unlikely that she's awake given the time.
[nabi:
hey, sol
are you awake?]
•••
sol is still wide awake when her phone vibrates behind her. it's a chore to grab it without waking jiwan, but she manages. she turns on her phone just long enough to check the notification before her gaze dips down to the sleeping girl in her bed.
jiwan is fast asleep in one of sol's old shirts, fists gently clutching at the shirt sol is wearing now. her nose is nuzzled into sol's collar, and sol can feel her every breath. it's killing her. it really is. if only she knew.
[sol:
hey.
why are you up?
is everything okay?]
[nabi:
uh...
something happened]
•••
they text for, well, sol isn't sure, actually, but probably a few hours. she's careful not to wake jiwan the whole time, and eventually dozes off herself, arm slung over jiwan's middle. she wakes up before jiwan does, and while she doesn't want to move, she carefully slips out of bed to get dressed for class and make the two of them breakfast. by the time her best friend wakes, any and all drawings that remain from the day previous are hidden. just as they always are.
sol's breath hitches when she catches sight of the note she managed to write on jiwan's wrist. unless she was wrong.
"it's warm in here," jiwan grumbles, sleepily stumbling into sol's kitchen. "why are you wearing a jacket?"
"ah... I was cold," she says. another lie. "there's something on your wrist."
sol won't look at it. she won't even entertain the idea that she's jiwan's soulmate, because there's no way that that's true, is there? jiwan's soulmate is some guy, probably someone they don't know. he'll meet her and sweep her off her feet and she'll get the happy ending she's always deserved. just not with sol. so there's no reason to get her hopes up.
when she turns to set out breakfast for the two of them and catches jiwan smiling at the little note on her wrist, sol finds that she can't quite breathe around the newly formed lump in her throat. you're not the one making her smile, she reminds herself. it's someone else. it's some guy. it'll never be you. not like that.
"aw," jiwan gushes, finally. "this is so sweet! I wish I knew who my soulmate was." she's pouting. sol doesn't have to see her face to know that much. "thank you for breakfast, sol-ah! I love you!"
sol's lost her appetite. she manages to choke down a few bites, but she feels nauseous, plagued by those horrible, hurtful thoughts. jiwan is talking about something — she always is — and for what might be the first time ever, sol is barely listening.
•••
they arrive at hongseo university later than sol would've liked. jiwan took an eternity to get ready, which is fine. or, rather, it would be fine, if they hadn't slept in just a little bit.
before they even make it through the studio doors, jiwan perks up at the sound of students chattering excitedly. she rushes into the studio, away from sol, to find out what happened, and she's already pouting and huffing when sol makes it in behind her. she catches bits and pieces of the conversation, and puts together that they're talking about bitna and nabi.
"why didn't anyone tell me," jiwan huffs again, dark brows furrowed and arms crossed over her chest. sol slips beside her, fingers barely grazing jiwan's arm, and her friend turns to look at her. "bitna kissed nabi," she exclaimed, and sol didn't have the heart to tell her that she already knew. "no one told me!"
nabi sits uncomfortably at her workstation, looking as though she wants to die. she catches sol's eye, and sol flashes her an apologetic look.
this is going to be a long ass day.