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Luke Castellan had never had a good relationship with love.
...Actually, all things considered, that was probably a massive understatement, but a statement that was true nonetheless. It would honestly be probably more accurate to say that Luke was love’s favorite punching bag, its favorite sex toy, and for good reason:
Love had first made him watch as it made his mother, tormented by visions of his future, slowly go insane. Then, it had made him watch as his first girlfriend, Thalia Grace, the daughter of Zeus, had died on top of Half-Blood Hill, the one place in the world where she would have been truly safe. And then, as if that wasn’t enough, love had finally made him watch as his first boyfriend, Alan Bolloré, the son of Aphrodite, had died in his arms, due to Luke’s own failure to protect him.
So, when Percy Jackson came crashing into his life like a hurricane the summer after Luke had stolen Zeus’s lightning bolt, Luke had tried to ignore the way that his stomach fluttered at the sight of the younger demigod.
And truthfully, for a moment, it hadn’t been that hard to do; no matter how beautiful Percy had been with his messy black hair and sea green eyes, even as covered in dirt and monster dust as he was, Luke still had a job to do. He still had the gods to overthrow and Kronos to restore and all other kinds of fun stuff. He didn’t have time to love, especially considering how much love loved to fuck him in the first place.
But then, with wide eyes, Percy had declared, “Your eyes are really blue, did you know that?”, and suddenly, Luke was fucked.
Of course, as those first few days passed and Percy recovered from his first major fight in the infirmary, Luke would only become even more fucked. It was hard for him to resist watching over the kid, both because of his own attraction to him and because he knew that the kid would become one of his own charges. It also didn’t help matters much, either, that Lee Fletcher suddenly got the bright idea that Luke needed to spoon-feed Percy ambrosia as well, if only because it would give him a familiar face to look at.
(“How are you feeling?”
“Like shit. Hey, can you stop the music...?”
“What music?”
“That song. You know...”)
But then, Percy woke up, and for a while, Luke was able to pretend like nothing was wrong. Granted, his idea of “pretending like nothing was wrong” also meant shamelessly flirting with the kid, but seeing Percy blush was as much for his own amusement as it was for the satisfaction of his own feelings. After all, the only other person at camp who he could make blush that way was Annabeth, and that was just...wrong. On so many levels.
All semi-good things had to come to an end, though. Luke’s worst suspicions were confirmed when Percy was claimed by Poseidon during Capture the Flag, and then given the quest to clean up the so-called “mess” that Luke had made. Percy had then asked him, with pleading eyes, if Luke could go on his quest with him instead of Annabeth, and for a moment, he had almost been tempted to say yes.
...But. Luke couldn’t. Not only would doing so blow his entire cover before his work at camp had been done, but he couldn’t bear most likely watching Percy die on the quest. After all, the thought of making a hellhound attack the kid had been bad enough for him to defy Kronos’s orders, but giving him his cursed shoes so that they would drag him into Tartarus, it was just...it was just too much.
So, Luke did the next-best thing he could. He led Percy to Cabin 10, where the two of them, plus the other Aphrodite children, convinced Silena Beauregard to go on his quest. Of course, Silena being Silena, she also couldn’t help but reveal the fact that not only did Luke have feelings for Percy, but apparently Percy had feelings for him, too.
Once again, Luke was fucked.
And because he was so thoroughly fucked, as Percy went on his quest with Silena and Katie, Luke plotted and planned. Although he had originally told Kronos, when the titan had become enraged at his refusal to set the hellhound on Percy, that he would convince the son of Poseidon to join them, he had never really believed it. Neither had the titan, which was why he had ordered Luke to give Percy his shoes.
But...maybe he actually could? It would be hard to do, certainly, given how staunchly loyal Percy seemed to be to both his father and Hermes, but Luke thought he could do it. Especially if it meant that Percy didn’t have to die. Especially if it meant that he didn’t have to die by Luke’s hand, or worse, in his own arms, like Alan did two years ago.
And thus, when Percy came back from his quest, complete with two children of Hades in tow, Luke didn’t bother to try to fight his feelings. Of course, he did admit that he had a lot of emotional baggage – after watching his first two lovers die and his mom go insane, how couldn’t he? – but Percy didn’t seem to care. Percy just seemed to like him and want to be with him for who he was, and it made their relationship effortless in a way that Luke had never experienced before. Not even with Thalia or Alan.
Pretty soon, though, after their romantic date at the cove and two months of bliss, the August deadline arrived. And so, after leading Percy back to the cove, Luke told Percy about everything, and he really meant everything. He told the other demigod about Thalia, about Alan, and about his working for Kronos, even if it didn’t go quite the way he expected it to.
And even though Percy was so blindly loyal to the gods, even though he had practically been singing their praises for the entire summer, for a moment, just for a moment, Luke thought that Percy would join him. If only because it meant that they would be together, forever.
But then...
“I became Demeter’s champion!”
He realized, then, that he was too late. Percy, with all of his innocence, with all of his wide-eyed looks and oblivious smiles, had tied himself to the gods in a way that not even Kronos, let alone Luke, could undo. And they would always be enemies because of it, always be fated to kill each other because of it, unless – unless –
“I love you, Percy. I love you so much that I have to let you go. I have to – ”
He tried not to think about what he was doing, then, as he both gave Percy the most passionate kiss he could muster and literally stabbed him in the back – or, well, side, He tried not to think about what he was doing, either, as he pulled away, promising Percy that he would come get him from the Underworld one day, before he used Backbiter to escape from the one person who he loved like no one else.
Because Luke Castellan had never had a good relationship with love. Love had taken first his mother, then Thalia, and then Alan away from him.
So it only seemed fitting that, after all of that, it would force him to kill the only other person he had ever loved in his life, too.