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“Captain Gillian?”
Nancy continued working, completely aware of the nervous trainee trying to get her attention. It wasn’t until TK elbowed her that she looked over at Denton, who was looking at her anxiously. She started as she realized he was talking to her - being called Captain was going to take some getting used to.
“Yes, Denton?” she asked, trying her best to keep her tone even. Judging by TK’s raised eyebrow, she was only moderately successful.
“I um, I was just wondering where the intravenous glucose goes?”
Nancy tried her hardest to not audibly sigh in frustration. She didn’t know how Tommy did it. Sure, she and TK may be more self-sufficient than Howard Denton, the new trainee, but it still had to be exhausting all the same.
“Here,” TK interjected, saving her by gesturing for Denton to join him in the back of the ambulance. “I’ll show you where everything goes, again.”
Nancy shot him a grateful look as she returned to the roster duty roster in her hands. Tommy could not come back from leave soon enough, in her opinion.
A few minutes later, TK appeared at her side again.
“What?” she asked without looking up, able to feel his skeptical look without having to see it.
“Are you okay? Because you seem tense.”
“Why on earth would I possibly be tense?” she asked sarcastically. “It’s not like I have to figure out how to run a team while also training a new paramedic while also making sure none of us fuck up on any calls. Everything is great!”
She is aware her voice is heading into hysterics and when she finally looks up she isn’t surprised by TK’s look of concern.
“Nance,” he begins, but she cuts him off.
“I’m sorry,” she said instead in a much calmer tone, “I’ll be fine. It’s just a lot.” She looked down at the paper in her hands and sighed, “I know Tommy needed this time off to be with her girls and I’m happy she took it. I just kind of wish she had asked you to take over as captain instead.”
At this TK outright snorted, “Because it definitely makes sense to pick the new guy over the paramedic who has been on the team for almost 8 years.”
She frowned at him, “You have just as much experience as I do.”
TK shrugged, “Maybe, but it wasn’t all strictly medical, and I’m still new. You’re the senior paramedic and besides, you’re going to be good at this. It’s only been two days, you need to give yourself time to adjust. You’re going to rock this, Nance.”
The look he was giving her was so earnest and his words filled her with a warmth and a feeling of gratitude. She opened her mouth, trying to find the right words to thank him, but she was interrupted by the sounds of the alarms summoning them to a medical call. She dropped the duty roster with relish, setting it on top of one of the utility carts in the ambulance bay. A call at least was something she knew how to do.
“Should we let the kid drive?” she asked TK, and they both glanced over at the young trainee, who was looking anxiously between them and the ambulance.
“Maybe not just yet,” TK admitted. “He can ride up front with me and I’ll talk him through everything. Baby steps.”
Nancy nodded her agreement before stepping up to the ambulance and addressing the other paramedic, “Denton, you ride up front with Strand. He’ll talk you through everything, pay attention.”
“Yes ma’am,” he said with a firm nod before he scurried around to the passenger side. TK shook his head disbelievingly and mouthed “ma’am” and Nancy grinned at him as she climbed into the back of the ambulance. Maybe this captain thing wasn’t all that bad after all.
The call was a usual one and Nancy was finally starting to feel in her element again. She and TK went about providing treatment while she simultaneously instructed and explained everything to Denton. For his part he caught on quick and held onto every word. Really his only problem was his nerves. She told him as much as they climbed back into the ambulance after delivering their patient to the ER.
“You clearly know what you’re doing,” she said as soon the doors closed behind them, “but you are second-guessing yourself. You need to trust your instincts and your training. There is no room for hesitation in the field.”
The younger man looked taken aback, looking from her to TK in shock, “Really?”
TK grinned at him, “I would listen to your captain. She’s pretty good at this kind of stuff.’
Nancy shook her head fondly before she continued, “At the next call, as long as we don’t have multiple victims, I want you to work with TK. I’ll watch and I will stop you if you do anything wrong, but I want you to do it yourself. Assess the situation and proceed with treatment. TK will be right next to you and I’ll be watching. One of us will step in if you are making a mistake, but I don’t think you will.”
Denton blinked at her for a moment before nodding quickly, “Yes ma’am.”
TK scoffed at the use of ma’am again and Nancy ignored him. “Let’s head back to the station,” she said instead. We should…” but whatever she was about to say was interrupted by the sound of dispatch on the radio, directing them to another call.
“Or we could do that,” she amended as TK switched on the ignition and she grasped her radio to inform dispatch that they were on route. It turned out to be a morning of non-stop calls, but they were all relatively simple ones. True to her word she stayed back and let Denton work alongside TK and true to her instinct, she only had to step in and correct him once.
“As mistakes go,” TK assured him as they packed up, “that was an easy one to make.”
“And not life threatening,” Nancy agreed. “Also something that will come with time. Thankfully you still have another week with us before you go to another team. By the end of your training period I think you will be an excellent paramedic.”
“Really?” Denton said in awe, looking between the two of them. TK rolled his eyes, but there was a small grin on his face.
“Probably,” he agreed, “but don’t let it go to your head.”
“That’s true,” Nancy agreed, “TK does enough of that for the whole department.”
TK rolled his eyes at her and turned to fire something back, but whatever it was that he was going to say was interrupted by the sudden appearance of a man at the back of the ambulance. Nancy let her grin fall away as she turned to face him.
“Sir, you need to step back. You can’t be here.”
“Relax, I don’t want your drugs,” he said dismissively and Nancy knew she wasn’t imagining TK gently nudging Denton further back into the ambulance and she was grateful.
She glanced around uneasily before she asked the follow-up question, “What do you want then?”
“One of you to come with me.”
“No,” TK said firmly, stepping up beside her, “that’s not happening. We have another call to get to and you’re clearly not hurt so we’re going to need you to leave, alone.”
“No,” the man repeated, more forcefully this time, “one of you is coming with me.”
“Why?” Nancy asked, “What do you need a paramedic for?”
“You’re going to help me.”
The way he said it sent a shiver down Nancy’s spine. “With what?” she asked, hoping the trepidation she was feeling hadn’t made its way into her voice.
“I need to practice,” was all he said and the implications sent Nancy’s heart racing. “And I need one of you to help.”
She glanced around again. They had just been responding to a call with an elderly couple. No one needed to be brought to the hospital which was good, but it left them in the middle of a residential neighborhood in the middle of a workday where the only occupants currently home were the elderly couple in the home behind them. For all extents and purposes, they were alone. It was just the three of them versus this strange man and based on the way his left hand never strayed from his jacket pocket, she had a feeling he had more than an unsettling demeanor in his arsenal.
“I can’t just let you have one of my team,” she tried instead, “we’re still on shift. What happens when we get another call? We work in teams for a reason.”
He shook his head dismissively, “I only need one of you, you’ll still have two.” He took a step closer then, closing the distance between them so that Nancy could feel the heat of his breath on her face, “And it seems like you’re the one in charge, Captain, so I think it should be you.”
Nancy swallowed, fear rising up in her gut as she studied the man in front of her. She didn’t really know what other option she had. Even if it was only temporary she was the captain. That meant that her team’s safety was in her hands. If it came down to it, if he couldn’t be reasoned with...she knew what she had to do.
But that was a last resort so she tried again, “Is there anything we can give you that would help instead?”
He shook his head, more forcefully this time. “No,” he repeated firmly. “I need one of you. I don’t want to make this ugly, but I will if you make me.”
It wasn’t obvious but Nancy saw the way his hand shifted over his pocket, the way his fingers tightened over something inside. She knew TK saw it too from the way that he stiffened behind her. She took a deep breath and readied herself. There wasn’t another option, there was only one choice now.
“I’ll go with you, just leave them alone.”
Nancy frowned, because that is what she was going to say, but she hadn’t spoken yet. It took her another moment to realize that it had been TK’s voice that had spoken from beside her and that it was TK’s body she now felt moving beside her as he stepped away from her and towards their visitor. His hands were held aloft and his gaze was trained on the man before them, “You have me, you don’t need them,” he repeated in an even tone.
No, this was not happening.
“TK,” she hissed, but he tore his gaze from the man long enough to meet Nancy’s eyes and shake his head.
“It’s fine Nance,” he said evenly. “Everything’s going to be fine, right?”
The last part was directed to the man, who didn’t respond. Instead he reached forward and grabbed TK with the hand not hovering near his pocket, roughly wrenching him forward and away from the ambulance. Nancy took a step forward, mouth open to argue more but she was forced to stop when his left hand slipped into his pocket and he pulled out a gun, which he leveled at TK’s head. A chill ran down her spine as TK stiffened at the press of cold metal against his head. She took a slow and deliberate step backward, hands raised and heart pounding. “Okay,” she said slowly, “there’s no need to do anything rash.”
“Not as long as you stay back,” the man agreed, stepping further away from them. “Stay there until we are gone and no one needs to get hurt.”
“Okay,” Nancy agreed, dread seeping through her as TK’s eyes met hers and she saw the fresh fear in them. “I don’t want anyone to get hurt.”
“This should be easy then,” the man agreed as he backed away, pulling TK along with him. Nancy watched with a sinking heart as they got further away, the reality of the situation sinking in more and more with each step. She met TK’s eyes and felt a whole new level of pain at the fear in his eyes. She wanted nothing more than to run after them, to save her partner from this nightmare but she knew doing so would put them all in more danger - especially TK.
So instead she watched helplessly as the mysterious man pulled TK away, shoving him into a car a few houses down before climbing in himself and speeding away; taking her partner towards an unknown fate.
The drive back to the 126 was a blur for Nancy. Denton took over the driving without a word, picking up the keys off the ground where TK had dropped them as Nancy finished talking to APD and waiting quietly in the driver’s seat until Nancy joined him in the cab. Once she had informed dispatch to stand them down until a relief team could be called he switched on the ignition without needing to be asked and they made the journey to the firehouse in silence.
Nancy knew she should say something to him. She should check on him, assure him that this was not a normal day in the field, that everything would be okay. It’s what Tommy would have done.
But Nancy can’t think past her last glimpse of TK’s face or the fear filling her chest and stealing her breath. The only thought in her head is that she could lose her partner again and that this time it wouldn’t be from a freak accident or a force of nature; this time it would be completely her fault.
By the time Denton backed the ambulance into the station, Nancy had managed to shove that thought back. It wasn’t gone (it never would be) but it’s just far enough that she can deal with this. She needed to tell the others. She needed to call Tommy. She selfishly hoped APD had already contacted Captain Strand because she doesn’t think she’d be able to stomach seeing that kind of fear in his eyes as a result of her words. The rest of the 126 would be bad enough; she couldn’t do that.
But she had to, so she took a deep breath and climbed out of the ambulance. She waited a moment to make sure Denton had actually put the rig in park, or so she told herself. In reality she was stalling, and she knew it. She allowed it though - they all deserved another moment before they had to confront the fear currently eating her alive.
But she couldn’t avoid it anymore so she took an uncertain step away from the ambulance towards the kitchen where she could hear the distant voices of the others drifting out into the ambulance bay.
Her progress was halted though as a familiar voice sounded from the bay doors and she froze, a new dread filling her.
“Hey, Captain Gillian!” Carlos called from behind her, a grin evident in his voice even with her back to him. He didn’t know she thought grimly; there is no way he would sound like that if he knew. Distantly she recalled a grinning TK mentioning that Carlos had the day off today, that he might stop by for lunch if they weren’t on a call. Carlos wasn’t at work which meant that Carlos didn’t know, and she didn’t want to have to be the one to tell him.
“Can I help you?” Denton asked politely, stepping between Carlos and Nancy. She turned in time to see Carlos glance at him before trading his grin for a polite smile.
“You must be Denton, TK mentioned you. He said you’re adjusting well.”
“You know TK?” the younger man asked, and Nancy admired the way his voice stayed even.
Carlos grinned and extended his hand, “I’m Carlos, TK’s boyfriend. It’s nice to meet you.”
Denton took his hand automatically without a word and after another moment Carlos glanced around the ambulance bay before looking directly at Nancy, “Where is he anyway? I told him I’d stop by for lunch today if you guys were free. You didn’t kill him yet, did you?”
His grin was wide and easy as he looked at her and Nancy swallowed; there was no avoiding this now.
“Carlos,” she began, voice wavering, “something happened on our last call.”
It only took a fraction of a second for Carlos’s easy grin to slip and for worry to take its place. “Where is he?” he asked quickly, “Is he hurt?”
“I don’t know,” she answered truthfully, voice low.
Now Carlos frowned. “What do you mean you don’t know, Nancy? How can you not know ?”
His voice was getting louder now and Nancy could hear the distant sounds of chatter in the kitchen come to a halt and she closed her eyes, forcing herself to take a deep breath. She could do this - she had to do this.
“I don’t know because we don’t know where he is.”
She could hear footsteps behind her too from the kitchen and wryly thought that maybe this was the best possible way to do this, to get it out there all at once.
“There was an incident, as we were wrapping up our last call. There was a man, he had a knife. He wanted one of us to go with him. He…” she stopped and swallowed, taking a shaky breath. “He wanted me to go, but TK…”
She let herself trail off. She knew the others could fill in the blanks. It was TK after all.
She could hear the others behind her as they moved closer, but her focus was on Carlos.
“He took him, Carlos. I don’t know where or why but…”
She trailed off again, the fear in Carlos’s eyes reflecting her own. It was all too much. She let out a choked sob, pressing a fist against her mouth to try and keep the rest in. She was the captain, she couldn’t afford to fall apart. She felt a warm hand on her arm and looked over to see Marjan looking at her with a fearful and sympathetic gaze. She gave her a weak but grateful smile before she turned her attention back to Carlos.
He seemed frozen, eyes wide as he processed. Nancy felt Paul step from behind her, moving closer to his friend but before he closed the distance Carlos seemed to come out of it. He reached into his pocket with shaking hands, pulling out his phone and swiping it open.
“I’m going to make some calls,” he announced in a shaky voice. “Someone has to know something, I…”
But he was interrupted by Paul who had reached him and laid a tentative hand on his arm, preventing him from lifting up his phone.
“Take a breath man,” he said evenly, “just breathe for a minute. I’m sure the rest of APD is already on it, you don’t need to be on right now.”
“They are,” a new voice said and they all turned to find Denton watching him. He blanched at the sight of the entire station plus Carlos watching him but he swallowed and continued, “the police already know. We already gave them our statements at the scene and they're looking into it now. And,” he shifted so his gaze was directed at Nancy, “there was nothing you could have done to stop it, Captain Gillian. TK made his choice and there was nothing we could have done to stop him.”
“Sounds like TK,” Judd noted from the edge of the crowd. The others nodded but Carlos only had eyes for Nancy.
“Did the man who took him say anything?” he asked desperately. “Did he give any indications of what he wanted at all?”
Nancy shook her head. “All he said is that he needed one of us to help him ‘practice’,” she told Carlos. “I don’t know what that meant but…”
She trailed off, not sure how to put what she was thinking into words and not wanting to give voice to the terrible possibility taking up residence in her mind.
“But,” Carlos prompted and she could feel not just his but all eyes on her now.
“He was interested in us because we were paramedics,” she finally said. “I don’t know anything specific but I can only assume whatever he wanted to practice is medical related.”
There was a heavy silence in the ambulance bay after that. Carlos sank onto the bench behind him and closed his eyes. Paul stepped closer to him, placing a hand on his shoulder as he took a deep breath. Nancy watched as he opened his eyes and gave Paul a shaky smile of thanks before staring back down at the phone clutched so tightly in his hands his knuckles shone white around it. A fresh pang shot through her at the sight. This was all her fault. She had lost her partner and hurt all her friends.
“I’m so sorry,” she said softly, stepping away from the group. But she didn’t make it far before a hand on her arm halted her progress. She turned to find Marjan looking at her with a stubborn expression.
“You aren’t going anywhere,” she told her firmly. “We’re all in this together, you’re not facing this alone.”
Soon enough it became clear that the 126 had become the hub for all the waiting.
They all gathered in the lounge, just like they had the last time. A replacement paramedic crew had been called in but fire was still on call, waiting with her for news or the sound of the alarm bell: whichever came first.
They all sat in silence, each lost in their own worries and fears. Carlos sat nearby, alternating between sitting and pacing, compulsively checking his phone with every other breath. No one had the heart to tell him to stop, but Paul hovered close, keeping a watchful eye on his friend.
Captain Strand emerged briefly, more scattered than Nancy had ever seen him. He gave Carlos a quick, tight hug, murmured some reassurances to him and then left; announcing that he was going to the police station. Apparently a detective has asked for him to be there so they could get information from him immediately as they needed.
Eventually Carlos’s phone did ring and he stepped into the kitchen to take a call from his father. He looked drained when he came back and simply shook his head at the unasked question in all their eyes: no news yet. Apparently, he shared in short, quiet sentences, his father was not directly involved in the investigation but he was keeping tabs on all the developments and would let Carlos know when there was anything worth knowing. It’s not much, but at this point they would all take what they can get.
Denton hovered at the edge, refilling coffees and generally quietly and respectfully waiting on the fringes. At one point Nancy told him he could leave; they were done for the day with a relief squad covering their shift for now. He had only shaken his head, “I might not know him well, but TK was good to me. You both were, and I’m here as long as you are.” She almost manages to give him a smile at that, but the act seems to be impossible at the moment. From the look he gives her, she’s pretty sure he understands anyways.
She vowed that when this was all over and his training period was up, she was going to write him the most fantastic recommendation anyone has ever read.
All together they make up a solemn bunch. Nancy appreciated their presence, but the sight of them all sitting solemnly around the lounge was too similar. It brought back memories of the worst night of her life; of the night her best friend was ripped from her by a flaming rock and how nothing had been the same ever since.
Yes, things were different now. She had grown closer to the fire crew, she had a different partner. In so many ways this life she now led was miles away from the one she had then. But that didn’t change the crux of it: the fact that at the end of the day she was still sitting here and her partner was gone.
Only this time, it was all her fault.
She tapped her foot on the ground, trying her best to suppress the memories; to keep the two eerily similar scenes from overlapping in her brain. Today was not then, she hadn’t lost TK yet. He was out there and people were looking for him. After everything, he didn’t deserve for her to give up on him. But it was so hard not to give in to the fear; to not imagine the worst. Not when the guilt was gnawing at her, doing its best to eat her alive.
It’s your fault , it whispered in her mind. You were the captain, you were his partner. You let him down in every conceivable way. Again.
She snapped her eyes closed as the memories of after the volcano tried to superimpose themselves over what was before her. That was not my fault , she reasoned. It had taken time and a decent amount of therapy to come to terms with it but the fact remained: it was not her fault. It had been a freak accident, it could have been anyone. The fact that it was Tim was not her fault and thinking it was wasn’t going to change anything. She knew that.
But this time it was .
She stood up without warning, startling the heavy silence that had covered the room. She could feel all their eyes on her, but she ignored them. Instead she turned on her heel and exited the station. She needed air; she needed to escape this horrible deja vu.
She almost stumbled through the side door out onto the small patch of grass beside the station. She made it as far as the wall before she slid down it, sinking to the ground with her head in her hands. She knew this wasn’t helping TK but at the moment nothing she could do could help him so she may as well have a breakdown outside of her place of work.
She took deep breaths to try and quell her racing heart before she gave an exasperated sigh and knocked her head back against the wall behind her. TK was the one in danger and here she was falling apart. What a paragon of leadership she was.
She managed a few more moments of solitude before the door beside her opened. It’s not that she didn’t think someone would come and try to talk to her - they were all good like that - but if she was honest she had figured it would be Marjan. Maybe Tommy, as last she had heard she was on her way in.
So to say she was shocked when the voice that said her name was deep and wrapped in a thick southern drawl would be an understatement.
“Judd?” she asked, “What are you doing here?”
“I’m checking on you,” he said simply, coming to rest on the ground beside her. “The better question is what are you doing out here?”
“I just needed some time,” she said. “Being in there, waiting, with everyone so sad and quiet, it just felt like…” she trailed off, but Judd’s curt nod told her that he understood the words she had left unsaid.
“It’s been a hard couple of years,” he agreed, “and we’ve all been through a lot. And believe me when I say I know what you’re feeling.”
“I know you do,” she admitted softly. If there was anyone who could understand this, it was Judd Ryder: lone survivor of the original 126.
“And I know that pain, it gets inside you. In your head, in your bones - it feels like it’s never going to go away. Even when it finally does it never seems to go really far. Then something like this happens and it’s back again. But this isn’t like that.”
“How isn’t it?” she asked. “It feels the same. I lost my partner again, just like last time,” she said roughly and Judd shook his head firmly.
“TK ain’t gone, Nancy,” he told her with a certainty she wished she could even pretend to have. “He’s smart and resourceful and there are a whole lotta people looking for him. This ain’t gonna be like Tim.”
“No,” Nancy agreed dryly, “because losing Tim wasn’t my fault. This is.”
“Nancy…”
“No, Judd.” she said firmly, “This is my fault. I am the captain, my team’s safety is my responsibility. TK was taken on my watch. I should have been faster, I should have been braver. If I had just made up my mind sooner…”
“We would probably be in the same place,” Judd cut across, fixing her with a hard look. “TK did what he did to protect you and there is no amount of anything in the world that is going to get between that boy and protecting the people he loves.”
“I’m the captain though,” she said again almost absently, “he was my responsibility. Do you think Tommy would’ve let this happen? Do you think we would be sitting here if she had been in charge and not me?”
Judd shook his head, “That’s where you’re wrong, Nancy. You’re the temporary captain, and that puts this in a different light.” He held up his hands placatingly when she looked at him sharply, “I don’t mean that in a disrespectful way. You are absolutely capable and based on everything I’ve seen over the past week you’re a damn fine captain. But you were TK’s partner first and you will be again. On paper and in rank you may be in charge, but you are still his partner no matter what and that is not going to change. Of course he made sure you were safe. Everything you’re saying about him he believes just as much. That’s how partners are, and I know how close you two have gotten.”
“It was a rough start,” she admitted, “but he’s grown on me. I don’t think I could ask for a better partner,” she amended a moment later, “and I don’t want to try and find one.”
“You won’t have to,” Judd said with a certainty Nancy wished she could emulate, “it’s going to be okay, you just need to have a little faith.”
He was looking at her expectantly so she nodded and forced a smile. She appreciated Judd’s optimism and his support more than she could say. But until she had the proof, until TK was safely away from that man and somewhere where she could see him and know that he was unequivocally okay, she didn’t think she could match it.
The best she could do was hope for the best, and prepare to face the worst.
The waiting dragged on and as two hours stretched into three Nancy returned to the lounge, Judd close on her heels. The others glanced up at them, but no words were spoken. The silence continued until the sound of a truck pulling into the station parking lot cut through the air, followed closely by quick footsteps. They all looked up as one to see Gabriel Reyes come rushing into the lounge, addressing them all but looking directly at his son when he spoke: “They found him.”
There was a collective exclamation of surprise and a mess of questions, but the Ranger didn’t answer any of them.
“We don’t know much yet,” he said once they had quieted at his raised hand, “all I know is he was found and brought to the hospital.”
His eyes sought his son and his expression softened, “I’m assuming you’re going to want to get there as soon as possible, come on, I’ll drive you.”
Carlos nodded and stood on shaking legs. He paused though before he followed his dad, glancing around the room at the rest of them. “I know you all still have a shift to finish, I'll...I’ll let you know when we know something.”
The others nodded but Carlos looked past them to Nancy. He held out a hand to her and she took it without really thinking, pulling herself off of the bench she had settled on. “You should be there too,” he told her softly once she was standing. She nodded, swallowing and glancing around at the others. They all gave her some version of an encouraging smile, even Denton who had moved closer to the group over the past few hours. She wanted to say something reassuring; something that would let them all know it would be okay so they could focus more on their job than on worrying.
But she was pretty sure those words didn’t exist, so instead she turned on her heel and followed the Reyes men to Gabriel’s truck.
It was a tense and silent ride to the hospital. Carlos’s father kept glancing at them like he was about to say something but he never did and Nancy appreciated his silence. There was too much noise in her head to leave any room for small talk, no matter how well intentioned.
He didn’t speak until they arrived and he led them to a waiting room.
“Owen’s back with the doctors now,” he informed them after a quick glance at his phone, “he’ll let us know what is going on as soon as he can.”
Nancy nodded silently but Carlos seemed to have not lost the ability to form words, “Have you seen him yet?” he asked his dad desperately, “Do you know…?” he trailed off as his dad shook his head, placing a steady hand on Carlos’s arm.
“I haven’t seen him yet, mijo. At the moment I know just about as much as you. All I know is that they rushed him here as soon as they cleared the scene.”
That would be pretty standard protocol for any wound sustained during captivity, Nancy reasoned to herself. Hell, even just being in captivity for any length of time was enough to earn you an immediate one way ticket to the ER. That was normal and didn’t mean anything was necessarily wrong, but the way Gabriel kept checking his phone and the fact that Captain Strand was back with the doctors rather than in the waiting room did. Judging by the tight set of his jaw Carlos clearly realised the same thing, but neither of them pushed. Instead they settled into chairs to continue their waiting game here - physically closer but still so, so far from any resolution.
It was 27 minutes before the door from the ER swung open to reveal Captain Strand. Nancy knew this for sure because she had watched every second tick by on the clock in the corner, just like she knew that Carlos had given up on sitting and turned to anxious pacing 19 minutes ago and the doors to the ER had opened three times in that time, each time having nothing to do with them. Until now.
Carlos froze in his pacing as Captain Strand headed towards him and Nancy was out of her seat in an instant, crossing the room to meet them.
“Owen,” Carlos was saying, “what’s happening? Is he…?”
And Nancy studied the fire captain and felt dread seeping through her veins because he looked so haunted; a world away from the confident bravado she had grown used to. He swallowed before he spoke as if steadying himself and Nancy could feel her dread growing with each passing moment.
“He’s alive,” he assured them, and Nancy reached out a hand to Carlos’s arm, as much to steady him as herself. The weight of the fear being lifted left her reeling and threw off her equilibrium. But there was more in his expression than that so she waited, not letting go of her grasp on the worry that had been her shroud for so long now.
“And he will be okay,” Captain Strand continued, “but he’s been through a lot. It’s going to be a long and rough process.”
“What happened?”
She was surprised to hear the question and even more surprised when they turned to look at her, but Owen answered after a moment.
“The man that confronted your team, who took TK; he was a failed medical student. He was kicked out in his first year for unethical practices and he somehow got it in his head that if he knew enough he could get back in,” Owen said in a low tone with a half shrug. “And he decided the best way to do that was to practice. Apparently he thought the best way to do that was to have someone else with medical knowledge as his…”
Owen trailed off and Nancy could feel her chest tightening at the implications. She could feel Carlos stiffening beside her and knew that he had realized the same. Owen shook his head though and changed the topic.
“It doesn’t matter,” he said instead in a more optimistic tone. “What matters is that TK is alive and safe now, and that he has us to help him heal.”
Carlos nodded and Nancy followed suit, but she couldn’t help but wonder. What had been so bad that Owen could barely even talk about it, that even now his hands were shaking despite his best efforts to hide it.
“You can both go back and sit with him, if you’d like,” he said after a moment. “He’s sedated to give his body a chance to heal, but I think it’s best that he’s not alone, in case he wakes up.”
“Are you sure?” she asks, because as desperate as she is to see him, to have proof that he really truly is alive, she doesn’t want to impose. Carlos has every right to be there but she…
“I’m sure,” Captain Strand assured her without hesitation, “I’d actually really appreciate it. I need to go call his mother to update her. I’d feel better about not being with him if I know you both are.”
He looks away as he says it and Nancy has a feeling that it’s not only a phone call he needs privacy for. The thought fills her with dread all over again as she considers what could have affected him so deeply, what exactly TK had gone through. But as Carlos assures him they have no intention of being anywhere but by TK’s side she figures she’ll find out soon enough.
Their journey through the ER is unlike any she’s ever taken before and all too soon they are in the doorway of a room, looking at her partner lying still in a bed as machines beeped beginly beside him. She froze in the doorway, but Carlos had no such issue. He was beside the bed before Nancy could blink, tenderly running a hand through TK’s hair before he sank into the chair beside him and took one of the still hands in his own. He is speaking, murmuring words too softly for Nancy to make out from her position in the doorway, but she knows they’re not meant for her ears anyways.
Eventually she managed to find it within her to move and she finally entered the room, falling into the chair on the other side of the bed ungracefully. She couldn’t pull her eyes from the sight before her. In part because she can hardly believe it’s true, that he was really here and breathing before her, but also because she was somehow afraid that if she looked away he might disappear again.
Her eyes traveled from his face down to his torso, where she could see the shape of thick bandages under the blankets. On the whole, he looked relatively unmarred, but that thought seemed too optimistic to be true. Her mind was spinning with all the medical possibilities, trying to deduce what injuries could require sedation, but not surgery. Trying to figure out what kind of pain her partner was in because she hadn’t been smart enough or fast enough or brave enough to stop it.
Her inspection was interrupted by a sharp intake of breath and she looked across to see Carlos with his eyes shut and a hand against his mouth. His other hand still clutched TK’s and as she watched she could see his shoulders shaking with the force of repressed sobs. She felt a new pang at the sight and reached across TK’s still form to where Carlos’s hand rested in his to lay hers on top.
He opened his eyes and looked towards her, his pain filled gaze meeting her own. She gave him a thin smile and squeezed the hand underneath hers, “It’s okay,” she said softly, “you don’t have to hold it in. I won’t judge, and you know TK would never either.”
Carlos gave her a shaky nod, “I know that,” he admitted, voice rough and quiet, “but it’s been so much. I’m just afraid if I let myself break down now, I won’t be able to stop.”
Nancy sighed, removing her hand and leaning back into her own seat, eyes falling back on TK’s still form. “I get that,” she agreed, “but if not now, when? When he wakes up, he’s going to need you. But until then, you should take care of yourself and face this however you need.”
“He’s going to need both of us,” Carlos corrected her firmly. At her dubious look he shrugged, “All of us, I guess, but he will need you, Nancy. You are his partner and that means a lot to him.”
“He deserves a better one,” she said sadly, voice so soft it was nearly swallowed by the sound of the machines surrounding them.
“That’s not possible,” Carlos told her firmly. “And if you don’t believe me just wait and as TK himself. He’ll tell you the same thing, I’m sure of it.”
Nancy allowed herself a smile to give to Carlos who returned it before he looked back at TK and his expression fell again. He ran another hand through TK’s hair as tears began to fall silently down his face. Nancy turned away, focusing on the machines beside them, determined to give Carlos a moment as they settled in to wait together in silence.
Eventually, Nancy got answers and she almost wishes she hadn’t.
Vivisection.
The dissection of a living person for research.
Being cut open while you are still alive so that someone could see inside.
That is what had happened to TK. Nancy needed to sit down when she found out and Carlos went white as a sheet. The swath of bandages around his torso made sense now: he had been cut open so that that psychopath could look inside. She prayed that he was at least unconscious for it and so far most signs seem to point to yes. Police found copious amounts of chloroform at the scene (the garage of an abandoned house not all that far from where he had accosted the 126 ambulance earlier in the day). As anesthesia went it was crude, but effective. She only hoped the man knew what he was doing so that TK didn’t have to feel what was being done as it happened. The thought that he might have almost sent her over to the trash can in the corner more than once.
Captain Strand’s hesitation made more sense now. Physically, TK would heal. It wouldn’t be quick and he would likely have the scars forever, but his body would recover. But mentally that kind of fear and pain took a toll and until he woke up, they wouldn’t know what that toll was.
She could tell Carlos was having similar thoughts as his grip on TK’s still hand tightened and he studiously studied his boyfriend’s face, making a conscious effort to not let his eyes drift down and wonder what horrors were hidden beneath the securely wrapped bandages. She kept having to remind herself to do the same. Knowing, she reminded herself, wouldn’t make anything easier. In fact it would probably just make TK feel worse and if nothing else, she owed him this shred of dignity.
Another hour slipped by with not much change before finally, just before midnight - nearly a full twelve hours since this nightmare had begun, TK slowly blinked open his eyes. They were unfocused at first but then they sharpened quickly as panic filled them and TK tried to sit up in the bed, thrashing frantically against the wires attached to his body.
Nancy leaned forward but didn’t touch him, hands frantically hovering above, not sure where she could place them that would do more good than harm. Carlos leaned forward too, reaching out a hand for TK’s face and speaking to him in a low, steady voice. His words were soothing and somewhere between them and his familiar, tender voice TK stilled and took a breath as he took in his surroundings for the first time.
“Carlos?” he asked tentatively, and Carlos nodded, shifting his hands to TK’s shoulders and gently guiding him back to the pillow beneath him.
“Yeah babe,” he replied softly, “I’m here. I’m here and you’re safe.”
TK finally seemed to relax at that, taking a deep breath only to wince in pain the moment after.
“Take it easy, Strand,” she told him firmly, “you’re probably going to be hurting a lot for a while.”
“Nancy,” he asked, his gaze flicking to her, “are you okay? That guy…”
“That guy only hurt you,” she told him firmly. “I am completely fine.”
“Denton?”
“Denton is fine too,” she assured him, “thanks to you.”
He gave a sigh of relief before closing his eyes again, “Good.”
“Good?” she repeated incredulously, “TK, what part of this exactly is good ?”
“That you and Denton were safe,” he told her, eyes narrowed in confusion, “that’s why I did it, afterall. I’m just glad to know it worked.”
Nancy didn’t even know what to say to that. She simply stared at him, running over the past several hours in her mind. The fear and worry, the knowledge that she hadn’t been enough to save her partner, the confirmation of what he had gone through. To have him here - alive and mostly whole - was nothing short of a miracle. She knew there were a thousand ways this could have gone sideways, a million ways this didn’t work out. She had played through at least half of them in her head while waiting. Now to sit here and hear him say that…
“What the fuck were you thinking, TK?”
The words were would of her mouth before she could stop them and she couldn’t find it in her to feel much of anything when his eyes widened and Carlos looked at her sharply. Distantly she knew she was being unreasonable, that this was not the time or place for this conversation, but she was at the end of her rope. It had been a long day and her nerves were shot. Any semblance of tact had faded somewhere around hour seven and now here she was, being a dick to her partner who had just gone through something traumatic and she knew that, she just couldn’t seem to stop.
“Did you even stop to think about what you were doing? DId you maybe for a second think about what could happen to you, or what it would feel like for me to lose you, knowing it was all my fault?”
TK’s expression evened now as he put the pieces together and his gaze turned sympathetic and Nancy hated it. He was the one who had just been carved open by a psychopath and here he was, about to reassure her. She felt all her anger fall away as quickly as it had come. None of this was surprising: it was TK after all.
“Nancy,” he began, but she waved him off, blinking away the tears filling her eyes.
“No, I’m sorry,” she said quickly. “I just...you scared me so fucking much TK. All those hours of wondering what was happening, of not knowing if you were okay or not...I’m just tired right now, and a little emotionally drained. But you’re okay,” she added in a more normal voice as she allowed a smile to begin to form on her lips. “And that’s what matters.”
“I’m still sorry you had to worry,” TK said after a beat and she couldn’t resist the urge to roll her eyes at that, “and it wasn’t your fault. It was my choice and no one else’s - I need you to know that, Nancy.”
“I do,” she admitted, “I just don’t like it when you get hurt. We’re partners afterall, that means we're supposed to look after each other.”
“And we do,” TK replied with a soft smile, “you’re the best partner I could ever ask for, Nancy Gillian.”
Once again she felt moisture in her eyes, but this time it was for an entirely different reason.
“You’re not so bad yourself,” she said after a moment, “even if you are the biggest trouble magnet I have ever met.”
Carlos snorted at that, causing the paramedic team to look towards him. “What?” he said defensively, “I’ve been saying that ever since we met. I’m just glad to know I am not the only one.”
TK smiled and Nancy rolled her eyes at the pair of them before she looked down at TK again. There were more conversations to be had, some promises that needed to be made. But now was not the time for that. Now was the time to savor the fact that they had dodged this bullet; that they would all live to see another day.
That she didn’t have to face losing her partner again.
There would be time for the rest and for now, she decided, TK had more than earned a chance to rest and recover before they got into that. So she put a bookmark in the conversation and patted him on the knee as she rose from her seat.
“Are you leaving?” TK asked quickly, surprise evident in his tone.
“Yes,” she replied, “but I won’t go far. Someone needs to update the rest of the station and I’m sure you two would appreciate a few moments alone.” The look that they exchanged was so tender all she could do was snort at the sight of it. “I’ll take that as a yes.”
“Promise you’ll be back?” TK asked as she moved towards the door.
She nodded and grinned, “Don’t think you can get rid of me that easily Strand - we are partners after all.”
She ignored his answering eye roll as she stepped through the door, pausing on the threshold to look back. Carlos was leaning forwards now and they were speaking softly, fingers intertwined even as Carlos pressed a kiss to TK’s forehead and TK shut his eyes and leaned towards him. She allowed herself a moment to watch them before she stepped away, leaving them to each other and the comfort they both desperately needed after everything. She pulled out her phone as she headed towards the exit, grinning as she thought of the call she got to make, of the news she got to share.
In their line of work you learned fast that happy endings were never a guarantee and in a situation like this more of a longshot than anything. It had been a long and eventful year and maybe they were pressing their luck, maybe they were running out of chances. That could very well be but she couldn’t help but be grateful nonetheless.
A happy ending may never be a guarantee, but that just made the ones they got all the more precious.