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𝙨𝙤𝙢𝙚𝙗𝙤𝙙𝙮 𝙚𝙡𝙨𝙚 // 𝙨𝙝𝙞𝙣𝙠𝙖𝙢𝙞
it's been a month since shinsou broke up with me. one month of sleepless nights, one month without leaving my apartment, one month without eating a proper meal. my best friend, mina, you could say was pretty fed up with me as she dragged me to a party.
"come on, denks! you need to forget him and have some fun!" she said while we sat in her car outside of the party. "i'm doing perfectly fine and i don't need you to do this for me," i muttered softly. at that, she groaned and flicked my forehead. "come on bro, i'm not doing this for you. i'm doing this for me because i want to have fun with my best friend who's been locking himself inside his cave for the past million years."
i rolled my eyes and let out a soft chuckle, "yeah okay, fine." the pink girl squeezed my shoulder softly and gave me an encouraging smile. "thanks denks, it means a lot. i'm serious." "don't get all mushy on me, i thought we were here to have fun!" she then laughed and swung her door open, "then let's get this party started!"
stepping into the house, the smell of cigarettes, alcohol, and sweaty bodies flooded my senses. "the life of the party is here!" mina screamed over the loud music. a few girls made motions, calling her over and i nodded. "go have fun, don't worry about me." as she skipped over to the now screaming girls, i looked around the party.
soon i spotted a table which appeared to have the drinks. i smiled to myself, looks like that's where i'll be spending tonight. making my way over, i greeted old friends who slapped me on the back saying things like, "it's good to see you bro!" or "nice to see you've left your stinky hole." grabbing one of the red cups full of miscellaneous liquid, i took a long sip. the drink left my throat burning and eyes stinging, that's some good stuff.
soon the first song ended and i heard the opening chords to... how nice, somebody else by the 1975. of course it had to be that song.
𝘴𝘰 𝘪 𝘩𝘦𝘢𝘳𝘥 𝘺𝘰𝘶 𝘧𝘰𝘶𝘯𝘥 𝘴𝘰𝘮𝘦𝘣𝘰𝘥𝘺 𝘦𝘭𝘴𝘦
i remember sitting in his car, driving on a road that never seemed to end.
𝘢𝘯𝘥 𝘢𝘵 𝘧𝘪𝘳𝘴𝘵 𝘪 𝘵𝘩𝘰𝘶𝘨𝘩𝘵 𝘪𝘵 𝘸𝘢𝘴 𝘢 𝘭𝘪𝘦
"oh you listen to the 1975?" i grinned at him who gave me a small smile in return. "yeah, you like them?"
𝘪 𝘵𝘰𝘰𝘬 𝘢𝘭𝘭 𝘮𝘺 𝘵𝘩𝘪𝘯𝘨𝘴 𝘵𝘩𝘢𝘵 𝘮𝘢𝘬𝘦 𝘴𝘰𝘶𝘯𝘥𝘴
"oh my gods, 'toshi they make only the greatest bops!" the wind was whipping our hair all around, but we were just enjoying each other's presence.
𝘵𝘩𝘦 𝘳𝘦𝘴𝘵 𝘪 𝘤𝘢𝘯 𝘥𝘰 𝘸𝘪𝘵𝘩𝘰𝘶𝘵
the second time we listened to it together was the morning after we spent the night together.
𝘪 𝘥𝘰𝘯'𝘵 𝘸𝘢𝘯𝘵 𝘺𝘰𝘶𝘳 𝘣𝘰𝘥𝘺
the blankets fell off my bare torso as i sat up in bed. "hey 'toshi?" i heard music coming from the kitchen so i pulled on his hoodie which was lying on the floor and wandered out.
𝘣𝘶𝘵 𝘪 𝘩𝘢𝘵𝘦 𝘵𝘰 𝘵𝘩𝘪𝘯𝘬 𝘢𝘣𝘰𝘶𝘵 𝘺𝘰𝘶 𝘸𝘪𝘵𝘩 𝘴𝘰𝘮𝘦𝘣𝘰𝘥𝘺 𝘦𝘭𝘴𝘦
the tall indigo-haired man was smoothly moving to the beat of the song as he made breakfast. "good morning kitten," the words poured out of his mouth like melted chocolate.
𝘰𝘶𝘳 𝘭𝘰𝘷𝘦 𝘩𝘢𝘴 𝘨𝘰𝘯𝘦 𝘤𝘰𝘭𝘥
i wrapped my arms around his body and hummed along to the song, "i don't want your body, but i hate to think about you with somebody else." i felt cool fingers run through my hair as he hummed along with me.
𝘺𝘰𝘶'𝘳𝘦 𝘪𝘯𝘵𝘦𝘳𝘵𝘸𝘪𝘯𝘪𝘯𝘨 𝘺𝘰𝘶𝘳 𝘴𝘰𝘶𝘭 𝘸𝘪𝘵𝘩 𝘴𝘰𝘮𝘦𝘣𝘰𝘥𝘺 𝘦𝘭𝘴𝘦
back to present time, i feel my eyes begin to water so i swallow the rest of my drink and rush through the crowd of dancing people, trying to find the bathroom.
𝘪'𝘮 𝘭𝘰𝘰𝘬𝘪𝘯𝘨 𝘵𝘩𝘳𝘰𝘶𝘨𝘩 𝘺𝘰𝘶 𝘸𝘩𝘪𝘭𝘦 𝘺𝘰𝘶'𝘳𝘦 𝘭𝘰𝘰𝘬𝘪𝘯𝘨 𝘵𝘩𝘳𝘰𝘶𝘨𝘩 𝘺𝘰𝘶𝘳 𝘱𝘩𝘰𝘯𝘦
why does he still affect me so much? i choke up as i lock the door of the bathroom, leaning back against it and falling to the floor.
𝘢𝘯𝘥 𝘵𝘩𝘦𝘯 𝘭𝘦𝘢𝘷𝘪𝘯𝘨 𝘸𝘪𝘵𝘩 𝘴𝘰𝘮𝘦𝘣𝘰𝘥𝘺 𝘦𝘭𝘴𝘦
as soon as the first tear fell from my eyes, there was no stopping the downpour.
𝘯𝘰, 𝘪 𝘥𝘰𝘯'𝘵 𝘸𝘢𝘯𝘵 𝘺𝘰𝘶𝘳 𝘣𝘰𝘥𝘺
choked sobs escaped my mouth while i desperately tried wiping away the tears.
𝘣𝘶𝘵 𝘪'𝘮 𝘱𝘪𝘤𝘵𝘶𝘳𝘪𝘯𝘨 𝘺𝘰𝘶𝘳 𝘣𝘰𝘥𝘺 𝘸𝘪𝘵𝘩 𝘴𝘰𝘮𝘦𝘣𝘰𝘥𝘺 𝘦𝘭𝘴𝘦
the last time i heard this song was the car ride home where he dumped me.
𝘤𝘰𝘮𝘦 𝘰𝘯 𝘣𝘢𝘣𝘺
i was singing the lyrics, driving home from the grocery store.
𝘵𝘩𝘪𝘴 𝘢𝘪𝘯'𝘵 𝘵𝘩𝘦 𝘭𝘢𝘴𝘵 𝘵𝘪𝘮𝘦 𝘵𝘩𝘢𝘵 𝘪'𝘭𝘭 𝘴𝘦𝘦 𝘺𝘰𝘶𝘳 𝘧𝘢𝘤𝘦
even after i parked the car, i continued humming the song as i gathered the bags.
𝘤𝘰𝘮𝘦 𝘰𝘯 𝘣𝘢𝘣𝘺
i happily moved along to the beat in my head as i stood in the elevator.
𝘺𝘰𝘶 𝘴𝘢𝘪𝘥 𝘺𝘰𝘶'𝘥 𝘧𝘪𝘯𝘥 𝘴𝘰𝘮𝘦𝘰𝘯𝘦 𝘵𝘰 𝘵𝘢𝘬𝘦 𝘮𝘺 𝘱𝘭𝘢𝘤𝘦
the elevator softly dinged when it reached my floor.
𝘪 𝘫𝘶𝘴𝘵 𝘥𝘰𝘯'𝘵 𝘣𝘦𝘭𝘪𝘦𝘷𝘦 𝘵𝘩𝘢𝘵 𝘺𝘰𝘶 𝘩𝘢𝘷𝘦 𝘨𝘰𝘵 𝘪𝘵 𝘪𝘯 𝘺𝘰𝘶 '𝘤𝘢𝘶𝘴𝘦
fumbling with the bags as i dug the keys out of my pocket, i swung the door open.
𝘸𝘦 𝘢𝘳𝘦 𝘫𝘶𝘴𝘵 𝘨𝘰𝘯𝘯𝘢 𝘬𝘦𝘦𝘱 '𝘥𝘰𝘪𝘯' 𝘪𝘵' 𝘢𝘯𝘥 𝘦𝘷𝘦𝘳𝘺𝘵𝘪𝘮𝘦
"i'm home 'toshi!" i exclaimed and set the groceries on the counter.
𝘪 𝘴𝘵𝘢𝘳𝘵 𝘵𝘰 𝘣𝘦𝘭𝘪𝘦𝘷𝘦 𝘪𝘯 𝘢𝘯𝘺𝘵𝘩𝘪𝘯𝘨 𝘺𝘰𝘶'𝘳𝘦 𝘴𝘢𝘺𝘪𝘯𝘨
a still silence met me, but i didn't think anything of it. he's probably sleeping.
𝘪'𝘮 𝘳𝘦𝘮𝘪𝘯𝘥𝘦𝘥 𝘵𝘩𝘢𝘵 𝘪 𝘴𝘩𝘰𝘶𝘭𝘥 𝘣𝘦 𝘨𝘦𝘵𝘵𝘪𝘯𝘨 𝘰𝘷𝘦𝘳 𝘪𝘵
soft footsteps come from our room and i smile softly.
𝘪 𝘥𝘰𝘯'𝘵 𝘸𝘢𝘯𝘵 𝘺𝘰𝘶𝘳 𝘣𝘰𝘥𝘺
"happy fourth anniversary my love," i say as i turn around.
𝘣𝘶𝘵 𝘪 𝘩𝘢𝘵𝘦 𝘵𝘰 𝘵𝘩𝘪𝘯𝘬 𝘢𝘣𝘰𝘶𝘵 𝘺𝘰𝘶 𝘸𝘪𝘵𝘩 𝘴𝘰𝘮𝘦𝘣𝘰𝘥𝘺 𝘦𝘭𝘴𝘦
cold, indigo eyes meet my bright golden ones, and i feel my smile fade.
𝘰𝘶𝘳 𝘭𝘰𝘷𝘦 𝘩𝘢𝘴 𝘨𝘰𝘯𝘦 𝘤𝘰𝘭𝘥
"kaminari," he quietly says, staring through me and i can't tell what he's thinking. his eyes carry no emotion and it's like he's blocked me out entirely.
𝘺𝘰𝘶'𝘳𝘦 𝘪𝘯𝘵𝘦𝘳𝘵𝘸𝘪𝘯𝘪𝘯𝘨 𝘺𝘰𝘶𝘳 𝘴𝘰𝘶𝘭 𝘸𝘪𝘵𝘩 𝘴𝘰𝘮𝘦𝘣𝘰𝘥𝘺 𝘦𝘭𝘴𝘦
"um.. n-no kitten? or denki? what's wrong 'toshi...?" i softly ask him, reaching my hand out to hold him, but he brushes it away.
𝘪'𝘮 𝘭𝘰𝘰𝘬𝘪𝘯𝘨 𝘵𝘩𝘳𝘰𝘶𝘨𝘩 𝘸𝘩𝘪𝘭𝘦 𝘺𝘰𝘶'𝘳𝘦 𝘭𝘰𝘰𝘬𝘪𝘯𝘨 𝘵𝘩𝘳𝘰𝘶𝘨𝘩 𝘺𝘰𝘶𝘳 𝘱𝘩𝘰𝘯𝘦
he glares at the ground, "stop it." i feel tears start to pool up in my eyes, but i blink them away. "we need to talk, kaminari."
𝘢𝘯𝘥 𝘵𝘩𝘦𝘯 𝘭𝘦𝘢𝘷𝘪𝘯𝘨 𝘸𝘪𝘵𝘩 𝘴𝘰𝘮𝘦𝘣𝘰𝘥𝘺 𝘦𝘭𝘴𝘦
i nod and lean back against the counter. "what's going on?"
𝘯𝘰, 𝘪 𝘥𝘰𝘯'𝘵 𝘸𝘢𝘯𝘵 𝘺𝘰𝘶𝘳 𝘣𝘰𝘥𝘺
"i'm breaking up with you," he plainly states and i feel the color drain out of my face.
𝘣𝘶𝘵 𝘪'𝘮 𝘱𝘪𝘤𝘵𝘶𝘳𝘪𝘯𝘨 𝘺𝘰𝘶𝘳 𝘣𝘰𝘥𝘺 𝘸𝘪𝘵𝘩 𝘴𝘰𝘮𝘦𝘣𝘰𝘥𝘺 𝘦𝘭𝘴𝘦
"u-um, what?" my bottom lip begins to tremble and i shrink under his cold stare.
𝘪 𝘥𝘰𝘯'𝘵 𝘸𝘢𝘯𝘵 𝘺𝘰𝘶𝘳 𝘣𝘰𝘥𝘺
he slowly blinks, "you heard me, i'm breaking up with you."
𝘪 𝘥𝘰𝘯'𝘵 𝘸𝘢𝘯𝘵 𝘺𝘰𝘶𝘳 𝘣𝘰𝘥𝘺
my legs feel like they're about to give out, so i slowly sink to the ground. "but, why?"
𝘪 𝘥𝘰𝘯'𝘵 𝘸𝘢𝘯𝘵 𝘺𝘰𝘶𝘳 𝘣𝘰𝘥𝘺
rubbing his neck he says, "haven't you seen the signs denki? i knew you were dense but i didn't know you were this dense." he begins to pace around the room and continues his rant.
𝘪 𝘥𝘰𝘯'𝘵 𝘸𝘢𝘯𝘵 𝘺𝘰𝘶𝘳 𝘣𝘰𝘥𝘺
"you're so painfully clingy, always trying to touch me and cuddle me. then when something doesn't go your way, you constantly whine about it and don't shut up! you're always, always trying to please me and it makes you look so desperate when i don't do much in return. you never take anything seriously and it's so goddamn annoying. anyone could take your place and i'd be so happy that they wouldn't be an idiot like you."
𝘪 𝘥𝘰𝘯'𝘵 𝘸𝘢𝘯𝘵 𝘺𝘰𝘶𝘳 𝘣𝘰𝘥𝘺
a round tear drop rolls down my cheek as i smile up at him, "why didn't you tell me any of this before?"
𝘪 𝘥𝘰𝘯'𝘵 𝘸𝘢𝘯𝘵 𝘺𝘰𝘶𝘳 𝘣𝘰𝘥𝘺
"i-" i interrupt him, "wait, i don't wanna hear it. just leave."
𝘨𝘦𝘵 𝘴𝘰𝘮𝘦𝘰𝘯𝘦 𝘺𝘰𝘶 𝘭𝘰𝘷𝘦?
i blink and i'm back, slumped on the floor of the bathroom.
𝘨𝘦𝘵 𝘴𝘰𝘮𝘦𝘰𝘯𝘦 𝘺𝘰𝘶 𝘯𝘦𝘦𝘥?
i don't know if it's because the drink was strong, but i start laughing to myself.
𝘧𝘶𝘤𝘬 𝘵𝘩𝘢𝘵, 𝘨𝘦𝘵 𝘮𝘰𝘯𝘦𝘺
"it was my fault anyways, i'm the dumbass who wasn't good enough," and there i sat, laughing through my tears like a crazy person.
𝘪 𝘤𝘢𝘯'𝘵 𝘨𝘪𝘷𝘦 𝘺𝘰𝘶 𝘮𝘺 𝘴𝘰𝘶𝘭 '𝘤𝘢𝘶𝘴𝘦 𝘸𝘦'𝘳𝘦 𝘯𝘦𝘷𝘦𝘳 𝘢𝘭𝘰𝘯𝘦
i curl up, gripping my hair, "i hate you."
𝘨𝘦𝘵 𝘴𝘰𝘮𝘦𝘰𝘯𝘦 𝘺𝘰𝘶 𝘭𝘰𝘷𝘦?
"i hate you so damn much 'toshi."
𝘨𝘦𝘵 𝘴𝘰𝘮𝘦𝘰𝘯𝘦 𝘺𝘰𝘶 𝘯𝘦𝘦𝘥?
pressing my tear stained face against the dirty floor, i grin.
𝘧𝘶𝘤𝘬 𝘵𝘩𝘢𝘵, 𝘨𝘦𝘵 𝘮𝘰𝘯𝘦𝘺
"why do i still miss you, damnit."
𝘪 𝘤𝘢𝘯'𝘵 𝘨𝘪𝘷𝘦 𝘺𝘰𝘶 𝘮𝘺 𝘴𝘰𝘶𝘭 '𝘤𝘢𝘶𝘴𝘦 𝘸𝘦'𝘳𝘦 𝘯𝘦𝘷𝘦𝘳 𝘢𝘭𝘰𝘯𝘦
the stench from the disgusting floor urges me to stand up so i do and turn to look in the mirror.
𝘨𝘦𝘵 𝘴𝘰𝘮𝘦𝘰𝘯𝘦 𝘺𝘰𝘶 𝘭𝘰𝘷𝘦?
"it's funny how much this song described us, huh."
𝘨𝘦𝘵 𝘴𝘰𝘮𝘦𝘰𝘯𝘦 𝘺𝘰𝘶 𝘯𝘦𝘦𝘥?
splashing water from the sink onto my face, i grip the edge of the counter and laugh.
𝘧𝘶𝘤𝘬 𝘵𝘩𝘢𝘵, 𝘨𝘦𝘵 𝘮𝘰𝘯𝘦𝘺
"i wonder how you're doing."
𝘪 𝘤𝘢𝘯'𝘵 𝘨𝘪𝘷𝘦 𝘺𝘰𝘶 𝘮𝘺 𝘴𝘰𝘶𝘭 '𝘤𝘢𝘶𝘴𝘦 𝘸𝘦'𝘳𝘦 𝘯𝘦𝘷𝘦𝘳 𝘢𝘭𝘰𝘯𝘦
"i put so much work into making us work that i never noticed that you were barely trying."
𝘨𝘦𝘵 𝘴𝘰𝘮𝘦𝘰𝘯𝘦 𝘺𝘰𝘶 𝘭𝘰𝘷𝘦?
looking back up into the mirror, i wipe away my smeared mascara.
𝘨𝘦𝘵 𝘴𝘰𝘮𝘦𝘰𝘯𝘦 𝘺𝘰𝘶 𝘯𝘦𝘦𝘥?
"how'd a jerk mess up this bad bitch so much," i scoff at my reflection.
𝘧𝘶𝘤𝘬 𝘵𝘩𝘢𝘵, 𝘨𝘦𝘵 𝘮𝘰𝘯𝘦𝘺
wiping away some snot, i jump as someone bangs on the door.
𝘪 𝘤𝘢𝘯'𝘵 𝘨𝘪𝘷𝘦 𝘺𝘰𝘶 𝘮𝘺 𝘴𝘰𝘶𝘭 '𝘤𝘢𝘶𝘴𝘦 𝘸𝘦'𝘳𝘦 𝘯𝘦𝘷𝘦𝘳 𝘢𝘭𝘰𝘯𝘦
i smooth my hair down and swing open the door, "sorry about that, i'm done!"
𝘪 𝘥𝘰𝘯'𝘵 𝘸𝘢𝘯𝘵 𝘺𝘰𝘶𝘳 𝘣𝘰𝘥𝘺
a couple who reeks of alcohol pushes past me, slamming the door behind them.
𝘣𝘶𝘵 𝘪 𝘩𝘢𝘵𝘦 𝘵𝘰 𝘵𝘩𝘪𝘯𝘬 𝘢𝘣𝘰𝘶𝘵 𝘺𝘰𝘶 𝘸𝘪𝘵𝘩 𝘴𝘰𝘮𝘦𝘣𝘰𝘥𝘺 𝘦𝘭𝘴𝘦
"rude much?" i mutter and make my way down the stairs, when someone catches my eye.
𝘰𝘶𝘳 𝘭𝘰𝘷𝘦 𝘩𝘢𝘴 𝘨𝘰𝘯𝘦 𝘤𝘰𝘭𝘥
a tall, seemingly tired man with wild, indigo hair stares up at me.
𝘺𝘰𝘶'𝘳𝘦 𝘪𝘯𝘵𝘦𝘳𝘵𝘸𝘪𝘯𝘪𝘯𝘨 𝘺𝘰𝘶𝘳 𝘴𝘰𝘶𝘭 𝘸𝘪𝘵𝘩 𝘴𝘰𝘮𝘦𝘣𝘰𝘥𝘺 𝘦𝘭𝘴𝘦
it's shinsou. a shorter, blond man with blue eyes is dancing around him.
𝘪'𝘮 𝘭𝘰𝘰𝘬𝘪𝘯𝘨 𝘵𝘩𝘳𝘰𝘶𝘨𝘩 𝘺𝘰𝘶 𝘸𝘩𝘪𝘭𝘦 𝘺𝘰𝘶'𝘳𝘦 𝘭𝘰𝘰𝘬𝘪𝘯𝘨 𝘵𝘩𝘳𝘰𝘶𝘨𝘩 𝘺𝘰𝘶𝘳 𝘱𝘩𝘰𝘯𝘦
as i walk down the stairs, his unblinking eyes never leave mine.
𝘢𝘯𝘥 𝘵𝘩𝘦𝘯 𝘭𝘦𝘢𝘷𝘪𝘯𝘨 𝘸𝘪𝘵𝘩 𝘴𝘰𝘮𝘦𝘣𝘰𝘥𝘺 𝘦𝘭𝘴𝘦
i can see him lean down and say something to the other man, who turns to glare at me.
𝘯𝘰, 𝘪 𝘥𝘰𝘯'𝘵 𝘸𝘢𝘯𝘵 𝘺𝘰𝘶𝘳 𝘣𝘰𝘥𝘺
he then starts weaving through the dancing bodies, towards me.
𝘣𝘶𝘵 𝘪'𝘮 𝘱𝘪𝘤𝘵𝘶𝘳𝘪𝘯𝘨 𝘺𝘰𝘶𝘳 𝘣𝘰𝘥𝘺 𝘸𝘪𝘵𝘩 𝘴𝘰𝘮𝘦𝘣𝘰𝘥𝘺 𝘦𝘭𝘴𝘦
as he gets closer, my eyes, red from crying, never leave his. when he's less than 6 feet away, i shoot him the largest and brightest smile that i can manage, and turn around to find the door. quickly, i make my way around the sweaty dancers, never looking back to see if he was following me.
when i get to the door, i look back to see him one last time and see him struggling to make his way around the people.
i smile once more, then walk out into the frigid night air.