Archive of Our Own

Oh, no. It’s raining. How’s your joints doing, old man?

They’re screaming. Thanks for caring. Makes me smile when someone’s thinking of me.

I always think of you when it’s raining after you said you had mild arthritis. I’m sorry I can’t take away the pain for you T.T

It’s alright. It’s been happening for so long now, I know how to handle it so that it hurts less. I’m just away from home, so I can’t treat it.

Ah, I see. Hope you can get home quickly then. I feel hurt too somehow when you’re hurt. Did you eat?

Woops, you caught me. I will soon. How about you?
Yup! I had my signature.

Jokbal, again? At this time of day? Isn’t that a bit heavy? You never get tired of it. That’s amazing, in a bad way.

Jokbal is perfect for any time of the day. It’s not heavy and I could never get tired of something so tasty. What are you saying? You jokbal anti.

I’m not as far as anti. You’re just a maniac. There’s a limit to how often you can eat one sort of food.

At least I eat food, not just candy all day.

Hey, those are vitamins! They’re healthy. I’m down to one pack a day. Better than you with your water in-take, I’ll say.

LMAO. You’re deflecting, honey, so that’s bullshit. Just how many are you stuffing in the extra space of the pack to get away with saying that?

No comment.

LOL I thought so. Such a terrible liar you are.

How do you know me so well? That’s annoying >.<

Eh, you say that now but you will like that fact when it comes to your birthday.

True. You read exactly what’s on my mind. No one gives presents like you, hyung. You’re like Santa Clong.

Making a list, checking it twice~

Gonna find out if you’re naughty or nice.

Oh, we’re definitely naughty ;)

You most def haha. I think I’m fairly pure.

That’s part of your reversal charm. A badass who is an innocent softie. Stay that way.

I will if you say so, hyung.

Up until the last text which revealed the genders, someone would assume that this was a conversation between a singer and his hidden girlfriend. It wasn’t. They were texts from several months ago that Daniel had shared with one of his best friends, Seongwoo. He did at one point have a girlfriend but even when they’d first been together, they didn’t text in such a sweet, familiar way. That was because he hadn’t wanted to be with her. They’d been using each other mutually to get over someone who they couldn’t be with.

Why was a singer being a lazy couch potato, spending hours looking over ancient texts? Since he wasn’t in the middle of promoting and he no longer had a girlfriend, he had nothing better to do at the moment. After breaking up, he didn’t ever think of her or reread their texts. It was funny that he did that often with his friend, another dude.

Did that imply that Kang Daniel was gay? To be completely honest, he didn’t know. Maybe he was, maybe he wasn’t. It was true that he’d felt something different with Ong Seongwoo, which was the first time that he’d felt that way towards another man. It had scared him a little bit back when they’d been working together in the same group. Due to the nature of his job and the country he lived in, he didn’t want to be gay since it was something that would destroy his career, so he’d fought it almost to the end.

After the group split, he’d dated a girl on a spur of the moment decision. He thought she was decently attractive and happened to be in a similar confusing, complicated situation as himself. Recent reputation-damaging issues on top of identity questions.

During that time, he felt like he was trying to force feelings he didn’t have. It had felt silly. He couldn’t grow an attraction for her no matter how physical they got or how much they shared. There was no lasting, deep connection. As he matured, he realized what he was doing was just plain dumb. You couldn’t force feelings for someone and he didn’t need to define his sexuality in rigid black or white terms either. This was a different, more openly unique and accepting generation.  

Seongwoo was one of those people with which Daniel didn’t have to define or force anything. He was so genuine about himself, especially likes and dislikes, that Daniel aspired to be the same. He also wanted to be unbothered by people’s assumptions and comments online.

Likely, it wasn’t that he was into guys only since he had been into girls before. He’d been attracted to him because of those naturally developing feelings; because they were close friends who connected well on many levels. He’d been making things complicated when they could have been relatively simple. The one that he was into recently was Seongwoo, who just happened to be a guy. That didn’t mean his sexuality irreversibly changed.

Being apart, having a girlfriend, having a different life, and even not talking to his friend didn’t change his feelings one bit. He still felt like the one he liked and wanted to be with was Seongwoo, no matter the circumstances or the risks.

Except, Seongwoo didn’t seem to feel the same. He didn’t want to be together anymore, even as friends.  

In their group days, the two had grown close the first week they’d met since they were a year apart, had similar interests, and complimentary personalities. They’d been roommates for two years, sharing everything, including their clothes and perfume. It was rough to say the least when the group split and they started on the uncertain paths to their futures. However, they still had each other virtually.

Seongwoo continued to be his biggest pillar of support. He used to take time from his busy schedule as an upcoming, hot idol-actor to call or text him back when he’d been going through the beginnings of a terrible slump, his darkest times. There wasn’t any particular reason and Daniel didn’t request it of him. He just wanted to chat, share a funny story or joke to make him laugh like the old days, see what the homebody who refused to go outside was up to that day, ask if he ate, attempt to coax the homebody out to a secluded place.

After Daniel recovered from the worst of his slump, it was a matter of incredibly hectic months until his solo debut. After that, they’d both become extremely busy. Seongwoo was filming for his first dram while looking into movie deals, appearing in various campaigns and magazines. They knew what was going on in each other’s lives through the group chat, but they hardly ever had time and energy for a personal call.

Daniel thought the trigger wasn’t their busy schedules or the way he was being blacklisted from his old company since debut. Although he wasn’t sure why it would have bothered him, from that fall Seongwoo stopped replying to his messages, didn’t answer his calls, and avoided addressing him directly in the group chat as well. It was around the time that Daniel’s dating news abruptly broke out – an attempt from his ex-company to sabotage his debut as revenge for the trial not going their way.

It was now almost a year since the last time they’d met up. On these slower days where he was supposed to be peacefully resting, he became pensive and down instead. He was terribly missing his best friend who he’d once talked to everyday, sometimes for hours at a time.

Was the timing of everything just a coincidence? Did he say or do something to offend him? Would Seongwoo really be upset because he had a girlfriend? That hardly made sense since they both knew about the girlfriends of their past, even in their trainee days they’d had some that were to this day luckily silent. He knew that Seongwoo felt the same way about this—that they were humans before they were idols and how could they sing love songs without experiencing some romance.

It was out of character for him to disapprove of that. Now that they weren’t in a group with a huge company, it was more alright. Unless he was envious or liked the girl too, then it made no sense for him to be upset about not being single. It wasn’t as if he ignored anyone in the group the past year. Compared to Seongwoo, Daniel was in touch and active in the group chat much more frequently. So, the reason couldn’t be that Seongwoo felt he had chosen a girl over his friends.

Although he couldn’t think of any reason for why Seongwoo would be upset with him, the favoritism and the cold shoulder was obvious to all. Whenever he appeared in the group chat, Daniel specifically wrote ‘Seongwoo hyung’ in several things that he talked about but if Seongwoo was online then, he never answered him directly or asked him anything either. This was most unusual since in the past they’d be in their own world, having a conversation that others couldn’t follow. The reason they had their own private chat was because they’d been driven off from the other annoyed members who constantly told them to ‘get a room’.

Is he angry that I didn’t tell him about my situation myself? That could be. He is easily sulky and he hates being the left out. Or could he possibly be upset because he likes me so much? Did he feel like he was losing his place as my most important person? Did he wish to date me instead? Is he in love with me?

The last thought passed in one ear and out the other in a flash. He didn’t consider that option possible. Even if Seongwoo by some miracle wasn’t straight in despite of his playboy past and the way he ogled anyone with large breasts on TV, there was no way someone like Seongwoo could like someone like him. He wasn’t the sort of amazing, gorgeous guy that would woo anyone no matter their previous preferences.

Seongwoo was such a handsome, talented, charming guy that anyone would fall for after spending just five minutes with him. Although Daniel had fans, he didn’t clearly understand why they liked him, what his charming points were. He didn’t think he was handsome or funny or all that talented. He was just a human that worked hard to achieve his dream. Someone with a reversal charm of being cute, dorky, and childish off stage and charismatic and confident on stage. He could dance pretty well and he wasn’t THAT ugly and he had a large, nice physical. That was about it. Next to all-rounder, perfection personified Seongwoo who shined bright as the North Star, he felt like a dim, blinking satellite.

Towards the end of their contract, he’d started to accept his strange feelings for what they truly were. He wasn’t nice and protective to Seongwoo just because he was a gullible, clueless, accident-prone baby. He didn’t laugh at everything the elder said or did because he was the sort to laugh easily. He just liked Seongwoo. He felt relaxed and happy when they were in the same room. He was a special person.

That fact alone made him act differently than with others. It wasn’t shipper delusion in their case. What fans observed and interpreted was real. It was just that Daniel forcefully blinded himself to it for so long.

Almost until it was too late, actually. He wanted to confess around their concert preparation, but he was scared. More than he wanted a relationship, the friendship they had was something he cherished. Since he figured he was misreading things that Seongwoo said and did. Since he figured there wasn’t any way someone as amazing as Seongwoo could feel for him the same way. Since he was certain he was the only one feeling confused about his sexuality, dipping his toes out of the closet.

He’d ended up missing the timing to say it face-to-face. That first couple weeks it was hard to be apart. He thought more of how he wanted to see his roommate than any other. When he’d finally got the courage the only way to confess was by text. He was an old-fashioned person and thought that was wrong. Shit went down with his company just as he’d started making music in the early spring, then he’d been wrapped up in a head-splitting, complicated lawsuit one wouldn’t expect such a young person to have to deal with.

He didn’t really know why he’d acted on the insane idea to just date anyone he was mildly attracted to, but it was a mistake that he regretted within a few days as many things crumbled around his life. Even now, he was still baffled over why he’d done that. Maybe he was desperate for a distraction. Maybe he needed physical company and couldn’t afford to / didn’t dare ask that from his ex-members who were also busy and dealing with their own issues. Maybe he terribly disliked the idea of being gay and it was his attempt to prove to himself that he was still straight, that his feelings for Seongwoo were just confusion come from only being around guys for years. Maybe he was terrified and needed to run away.

The more time went that Seongwoo distanced himself after that news broke out, the more and more strongly did he come to regret starting to see her. Eventually, his distance and coldness drove the girl off; if she had been developing some sort of real feelings for him, he wouldn’t know. He didn’t care about her enough to ask, though he did apologize for not paying her much attention for the majority of their unorthodox relationship. He honestly hadn’t given his all there. Because the majority of his heart was elsewhere.

That particular morning, the group chat he shared with his ten ex-members was lively. It all started when someone bragged about their achievement in a game that many of them enjoyed playing. He interrupted their inventory/level ‘flexing’ conversation with the only thing he wanted to know about.

(these texts are various members of wanna one in the group chat but since they aren’t important individually in this, I won’t mention who says what. You can just imagine according to what they say)

Is Seongwoo around?

There he goes again, searching for Ong as soon as he gets online. When did the game addict become an Ong addict?

We know he’s your bestie and you don’t care much for others, but at least say hello. We’re not nearly as handsome but we’re not potatoes.

Where’s your manners, young man? I’m offended!

Start again with a proper greeting. Then we’ll pretend to not be hurt.

Hey, guys. What’s up?

Pfft.

Figures.

THAT was REALLY sincere.

Niellie hyung~ You’re too much T.T

I did what you asked. I’m a one-track minded, direct person, you know that. I just want to know if he’s been around.

Nope. Not for days.

He hasn’t read this chat in awhile. Seems he’s busy.

I’m not surprised. He’s a recluse when he’s filming.

And he’s pretty much always filming. I can’t even remember what number is this project.

Number 4, I think?

I know what he’s doing. He’s busy ignoring Daniel’s existence. His current hobby.

HA HA.

Truth.

Painful but so funny.

Yah, why is my suffering funny? You’re all cruel.

It just is.

Especially when we imagine your sulky puppy face.

So keen to over-reaction. Giant baby.

Wears his emotions all over his face and his heart on his sleeve.

Look, you can’t seriously deny how much you resemble this.

(Samoyed puppy memes. Daniel sent a fuck you Thanos hand)

Wonder if there’s really some problem. He responds to us just fine.

As soon as Daniel appears, he goes ghost mode.

He doesn’t answer your calls?

Or your personal chat?

Not at all. I think I did something wrong, but I don’t know what. Sigh…

Maybe you’re just imagining it, hyung.

Maybe it’s a timing issue.

He’s just a busy guy. He probably knows that if he talks to you it will go on for hours, so that’s why.

When he comes back, why don’t you just ask him honestly? I don’t think he wants to have a misunderstanding.

As far as we know, there’s no beef.

We don’t know his issue with you either, if there really is one. He didn’t talk about it.

He doesn’t talk about you at all, in fact.

Ba-dunts!

That’s weird! Doesn’t that mean there’s something wrong? Ugh, this is frustrating…

It seems the only way that you’ll be able to talk to him at this point is to become his fan and go to a fan event.

Isn’t he preparing music? I thought I read that he’s planning a debut album in the news somewhere.

Ah, that’s why he’s busy. Makes sense now. I didn’t have time to be on my phone then either.

My company basically forbid us. There’s always a time crunch. It’s worse with those who also act.

Daniel, you should stop being a closeted fan and act like an official one. Buy his albums, join the fan café or something.

You always said you’re his biggest fan. Why not show it?

Tossing the phone to the floor, he bolted upright from the sofa where he’d been sleeping usually.

Although it was a joke, the conversation gave him a brilliant idea. A debut meant an album. An album meant video call chances. Although Daniel didn’t have a lot of brains or patience, there was one thing that he had a ton of, a surplus amount that he hardly had anything to use it on – money.

“I need to do some investigating.”

Like that, he abandoned the group chat which luckily was flooded with gaming conversation within minutes.

Daniel spent several hours a day for the next week on his secret stan account on twitter. Besides scrolling through the chat to see if Seongwoo had appeared (he hadn’t, he must be busy). That’s how he was able to come across the various album pre-order events. He bought twenty albums from each distributer that offered a lottery chance for a video call with Seongwoo the next month.

He purchased around two hundred, then he wondered when they arrived in huge boxes, what should he do with them. It was his friend’s debut album. He didn’t have the heart to re-sell them or put them in storage or toss them. He bought a new shelf and stacked the black and white albums as if they were books.

That was, after he’d checked the contents. Inside the albums, there were photo cards. He was a bit upset when he realized he had so many duplicates that he couldn’t complete the full forty-piece set. He hadn’t understood before until he experienced it, but collecting cards, opening the boxes to see what you got inside was quite thrilling. Plus, he had an excuse to admire that dazzling, star-speckled face.

“We’re almost there. Keep the door open for us.”

“Ah, already…”

“What’s wrong? Are you not home? You actually went outside when you’re on break? I can’t believe that!”

Daniel confessed sheepishly. “Well, just to this one small café. I’ve been waiting for someone.”

“Seongwoo hyung?”

“Ha. If things were only that easy. Nope. You’re not totally off the mark though. It’s a fan of his.”

“Why are you meeting a fan? Did you get in a fight? Are they a stalker?”

“I didn’t, but I might be about to. I think I might have been scammed.”

After hearing the story, the big-mouthed youngest Guanlin started laughing, then hurried to tattle. The boys who spared time to come that day were still laughing when they were let in his house. Daniel blushed and swatted the pink sausage brothers on the shoulders. He’d never hit Guanlin, since he adored him too much to possibly harm him. He was considered Daniel and Seongwoo’s adopted son.

“God Daniel got scammed by a Slate!” Jaehwan was of course the loudest when it came time to tease someone, laughing like a psycho.

“Aish, don’t mention it. It’s embarrassing. And they’re called Welo now, you dunce. How can you call yourself his friend but not know that much?”

Daniel pulled the short guy under his arm, ruffling the mess of ramen-like curls. Jaehwan still continued to let out that hair-rising, chill laugh.

Jihoon was the next to tease. “Guys, look at that! He bought a whole truck-worth of albums and he has it on display as if it’s art!”

Jihoon’s best friend/partner in crime, Woojin, added dryly, “Wow, you’re spiraling down the black hole fast.”

Jinyoung snickered while Daehwi was pressing his mouth to the taller boy’s shoulder to hold in his laughs out of politeness. “To think, he even got scammed trying to trade photocards.”

“I wasn’t scammed. They just had something come up today. I just need that one to complete the whole coll….” Daniel stopped in the middle of explaining with a defeated, baffled look. “Aish. What the hell am I doing? I didn’t realize that fan life would be this addictive and rough. No wonder some parents are against it…”

The kind, positive leader, Jisung, spoke up to comfort the furiously flushed singer. “I think it’s a good thing. We should all experience this once. Going crazy over something you love.”

“Right. It helps you understand your fans better.”

“And appreciate them, especially what they go through for you though they likely haven’t ever seen you face to face.”

“There’s nothing easy in fangirling life. I have mad respect for the fans. They’re tough cookies.”

“Seriously. Ticketing and merchandise alone are wars. Then if you don’t get it, your down for weeks, especially when you can see others being excited.”

His grey wrap-around style couch was large enough for all of them to fit, even when they splayed in strange ways. Seongwoo once said that his couch felt like clouds. It was the comfiest, coolest place in the house, so he ended up sleeping there often.

“It’s a good thing that you’re not a multi. It would be worse.”

“Just imagine when our fans liked our group. Eleven members. The number of albums and all the trading you’d have to do just for one comeback. Insane!”

The seven singers shivered in horror. They still moved in unison, funnily enough. Though a gathering of more than three to four was rare. It was hard to match schedules and they weren’t living in the same area either.

Today was a special circumstance where they had a much larger proportion of members. They’d pulled some strings because it was something that they couldn’t miss, plus their friend needed as much moral support as he could get.

Daniel was too nervous to check the winner announcements for the video calls. He insisted that he tried many times now, but he couldn’t do it, at least not alone. He desperately wanted to go through with this crazy idea once he’d thought it over. At this point, it was the only chance for him to talk to Seongwoo. He couldn’t possibly ignore him this way and he wouldn’t be breaking any laws or need to hide his identity.

Even though the house owner gave them snacks and drinks, the guests dared to tease him while he was working on the computer. Those ungrateful, heartless munchkins. They even refused to watch Netflix because they found his discomfort more amusing. Sometimes he wondered if they liked to gang up on him because he was arguably the most successful one before.

Then again, he didn’t think they were so mean spirited, not ones to be driven by jealousy. There were many more times that they were nice to him than otherwise. This was what it felt like to have brothers, he figured. Even when picking on each other, there was an underlying bond that felt warm. After living together and going through various hardships, they felt like family and he didn’t expect that would change even if they couldn’t meet often.

“I still don’t know why you have to do this when you could just keep calling him until he picks up…”

“We meant that as a joke. I can’t believe this crazy dog bought tons of albums right after.”

“It was our fault for not thinking before we suggested a nonsense idea. You know how him and Ong are.”

“Always gotta be dumb and extra, yeah.”

“Why are we friends with them again? The secondhand embarrassment is so painful…”

“Because they’re famous and handsome? Everyone needs friends like that to not be forgotten.”

Daniel could hear them, but he just shook his head. Not because that wasn’t true, just that the guys were laying it on thick. It was funny to him how unlucky Seongwoo’s fate was. He was picked on when he wasn’t even here. If he was, then they’d be picking on him relentlessly and Daniel would join in, likely to be the instigator of half of the jokes. Because he thought Seongwoo was incredibly cute when he was annoyed.

“It’s because they’re hilarious. Dumb and dumber one day, Bonny & Clyde or Tom and Jerry another day. If they aren’t bickering, then they’re doing something dumb or causing trouble together. Two peas of the same pod.”

“Ah, that’s right. I did laugh a lot when they’re together. Hey, Daniel. Make us laugh. Why aren’t you funny anymore? Are you not able to be funny without your pretty better half?”

Daniel turned from the computer to glare at the group. They sucked in their lips and froze except their pupils, which shifted anywhere but him.

Daniel was intimidating when he wasn’t smiling. He had an intense aura when he was serious combined with the body of a bodyguard. At first, there were many people who had been scared of him, Seongwoo included. Though no-one heard about that until awhile after their debut and it had been hilarious. Considering how attached at the hip and usually smiling/laughing they were within a week of meeting.

It was something that Daniel hadn’t imagined and at first, he’d felt incredibly offended and worried. He had really liked Seongwoo the moment that he’d seen him at the audition when he was put in A class without a hitch. He’d wanted to be close, but he was shy to approach people, especially when they were so unrealistically charming, handsome, and talented. Although he hadn’t realized that his ‘like’ and ‘uncomfortableness’ was the start of a crush.

“You think I haven’t tried everything? He’s either screening my calls or got me blocked. He reads but won’t ever respond to my texts. Not like I can go bang on his door when I don’t even know if he’s at home. What about security? What if I’m arrested? The media would chew my ass off like sharks in a feeding frenzy. It HAS to be a surprise. Or he won’t answer. Though why not is still a mystery…”

After snapping, he turned back to the computer screen. He had a couple of tabs open. All he needed to do was click on the link to see the announcement with the list of names. So much easier said than done. Whenever he went to do it, he felt as if his arm was glued to the mouse pad. That’s why he called his friends in for moral support. If he couldn’t budge, they’d eventually force his fingers to move.

After locking his jaw, he stated, “I’m going to click. Pray hard until your poop turns to rocks.”

The boys crossed their fingers and tensed up, hanging over their knees as if they were riding a racehorse.

"Five…Four…Three…Two…Two and a half…Two and three quarters…”

They counted slowly and dramatically down from five. Meanwhile, Daniel took deep breaths while nervously clicking the mouse nearby the link to prevent himself from freezing up. It was one of the most nerve-wracking things he’d ever experienced. He didn’t think that something like ticketing would be worse than right before he was about to go on stage. That was mixed with excitement, but this was just terrifying.

He felt if he didn’t get in that his life was over or something. How silly it was. But just because you knew it was a silly feeling to have didn’t stop you from feeling that way.

“One!”

He clicked hard, then his eyes ran down the blurry list of black text. He checked two times just in case he had read it wrongly. Indeed, he was there.

“Yay! I got in! Guys, I got in! I’m going to have a call with Seongwoo!”

“Really?! Yaaay!!!”

The members on the couch jumped up and gathered the jumping man into a group hug. Then they cheered as they circled the table with their arms still linked, making a thunderous racket with their stomping feet even in socks. It was possibly the biggest celebratory moment they’d had since they won a daesang.

Some might consider it childish, but these guys shared a secret. They all sort of knew why Daniel was like this, though he hadn’t directly stated it. They knew what fixing things with Seongwoo meant for Daniel. They wanted that for them because it was about time that the pining and secretly crushing ended.

Daniel had thought the most nerve-wracking moment of his life was that day, but it turned out the actual day of the call was worse. He lost count of how many times he’d taken trips between the fridge and the bathroom two hours before his scheduled time. He shouldn’t have looked at his phone, that was the issue.

Although he refused to let them witness his private moment with Seongwoo because they’d surely interfere and tease him for a lifetime with whatever happened, of course the devils didn’t forget what day it was. They sent him all sorts of ideas as well as photos from the video call event going on. Surprisingly, they were being rather helpful friends. Which he needed.

He had won three sessions, which would mean roughly ten to fifteen minutes to talk to Seongwoo, who happened to be looking like a casually dressed model. He could make a black t-shirt look like a high-fashion item, especially seeing that his bulk-up training was finally taking effect. Compared to the past, his shoulders were broader and his chest and arms slightly bulging.

It made him feel small and squishy since he was the opposite. It was hard to be confident when he wasn’t as buff and manly as in the past. Then, that pretty brat just had to happen to have his hair in Danie’s favorite styling which was sure to take a heavy toll on his weak heart. He looked like a mysterious, sort of mischievous prince when his long, chestnut bangs were curled half over his face. A deadly mixture of polished and rough, pretty and manly.

As soon as he’d seen a glimpse of how his crush looked today, his weak knees caused him to trip, knocking over one of his cat towers (luckily it was empty then, but he’d still made his little sisters hiss at the sound). As if this wasn’t hard enough, Seongwoo looking devilishly good was unfair. That was one thing he wasn’t exactly grateful to his friends for. He would feel half as nervous if he didn’t know that.

In order to cure his impossible nerves, Daniel fidgeted with the albums and various knick-knacks on the bookshelf that would be displayed in the background, then he started doing push-ups. His body felt tired, but he wasn’t all that much calmer, so he sat in front of his computer and attempted to meditate while listening to recorded sounds of nature. A timer went off five minutes before. He set up his camera and the equipment necessary to take the call. He had no plans to record it because he’d never much liked to share his moments with Seongwoo with anyone, so he hadn’t looked up how to do that. Although he had planned some things to say, the words faded from his mind as the seconds ticked by.

He jerked and grabbed his pounding heart when the call came just a minute past schedule (naturally, there could be some delay with this sort of back-to-back short interaction sort of thing). That scared him so badly that he cursed. He took ten seconds to do some deep breathing with his eyes closed. He had no choice but to answer because he had no idea if they would call back. He’d gone through a lot to get this chance so even if he was feeling chicken he needed to act like a lion. Although he wasn’t ready in the slightest, he answered with a quivering finger. 

“Hel-lo~! Yoboseyo? Can you hear me? This is Ong Seong…”

Seongwoo drifted off as he got a good look at the caller. His seal-like smile dropped and his lushly lashed, galaxy eyes widened. His creamy skin became the shade of watered-down milk. His horrified reaction was as if he were looking at a ghost.

Instead of feeling offended, Daniel smiled his signature crooked, sunshine and waved awkwardly. That was because Seongwoo had this strange calming, warming effect on him. It was weird but he instantly felt comfortable despite his bashfulness, so much so that he was melting. No matter what miserable mood he was in, just seeing Seongwoo’s face made him feel so good.

Hyung, it’s been so long. How do you possibly get more handsome every time I see you? I missed that lovely face. Only you can make me feel this way. Like I’m dying yet alive at the same time. It’s magical. I’m so happy at the moment, I could sprout wings from my bottom and fly.

He couldn’t possibly say such cheesy things. His face would flame enough to fry an egg, for one. Their relationship had never been like that, for two. They hardly ever complimented each other, at least not face-to-face, especially not seriously. Because they were both bashful hearing compliments aloud due to the fact they didn’t really believe that and they had no idea how to react besides laughing and blushing.

All the years that passed by, for Daniel that hadn’t changed and from what he’d heard, neither had it for Seongwoo. Although he had an actor face and years of modeling experience, so he was far more used to hearing compliments on his looks.

“Hello, Seongwoo hyung. How are you?” he softly murmured while giving a lazy wave, continuing to smile brilliantly from ear to ear.

“Um… I’m fine. Yeah, I’m good. Um, wait a moment please…”

Seongwoo’s voice was hoarse as if he’d swallowed a bug. His hands shakily reached for some coffee to wet his scratchy as sandpaper throat. He turned his head and sipped on his iced caramel macchiato (Daniel realized Seongwoo truly hadn’t changed besides his cheeks being less fluffy, he secretly loved it).

Daniel’s eyes traced his elegant yet sharp features, recalling that his dashing profile was like a statue, and it was even breathtaking when it was a mere shadow. They followed his thick Adam’s apple, bobbing as he gulped, then from nerves as he faced him once more.

“Sorry. You just really look like someone I know. I got shocked. Hope you don’t feel offended.”

Seongwoo put his hands together in front of his nose and bowed politely. His curvy lips, the way he exuberantly gestured, and his large, dark eyes reminded him so much of a seal. Like those white seal dolls that Seongwoo had loved collecting. Daniel several times had gone around on stage at concerts to give him those just because he loved the way that Seongwoo’s face lighted up when someone did something nice for him.

He’d been so pretty and childishly adorable those moments. Although Seongwoo was older, he never really felt that way, which was why he didn’t speak to him formally. He only did now because this was a formal situation.

“Ah, do I? Who do I resemble?” he commented with a hint of playfulness, leaning closer so that Seongwoo had a better look at his handsome, mole speckled face.

He wasn’t masked but maybe he should move his bangs off his thick brows. It seemed that Seongwoo thought he was a doppelganger. Likely because it never would have crossed his mind that a celebrity would be a fan, participating in a video call event. Yes, it was rather unbelievable. But if there was anyone else cursed with this hideous mug, then he would feel bad for them.

“I don’t know if you ever heard this. But you really look like Kang Daniel. You could be brothers.”

“Ah, him. Yes, I’ve heard that sometimes. It won’t be dangerous to meet him three times. I can look in a mirror a hundred times and be alright. Because I am him, not a doppelganger. I don’t have any brothers either, as far as I know.”

“Neh? No way…” Seongwoo become adorably flustered. He came closer to the screen and squinted, tracing his features up and down with scared-deer eyes. Then, he jumped back with a gasp, bringing his dainty hands to his mouth.

“I am Kang Daniel. Not a look alike. It’s me, hyung. Were you surprised? Then it’s a success, assa!”

Daniel laughed for a solid minute while Seongwoo stared at him, unmoving. It almost seemed like his frame froze. Daniel clicked on the screen with the mouse and waved his hand over the camera.

“Hello? Hello, oh, oh~ Hyung, are you there still? Is there a glitch? I wonder if this thing froze on me…”

“Ah, no. I’m just shocked. What the heck, Daniel? What’s with this? You surprised me!”

That whine and the burst into casual language made Daniel exceptionally giggly. He was on cloud nine at that moment. It felt exactly like they were back at the dorm and Seongwoo was scolding him for hiding behind the door and scaring him when he came back from the convenience store on a beer run (they’d often drank, sharing one mattress and chatting about the most random topics for hours even though they should be sleeping because they had an early morning schedule, thus giving Jisung hell attempting to wake them up the next day).

“Aw, cute…”

The word slipped out ever so softly – a result of a thin filter, being a person who often talked to himself and wasn’t afraid to speak his mind. Seongwoo heard it, judging by the way he cleared his throat and pulled at his flaming ears.

“It’s weird to see you like this.”

“Why? No one else did it for you? Didn’t they go into your V lives, at least? I guess I’m the coolest friend/fanboy that you have. I thought it would be a fun experience. So, I can say ‘mom, I won a call with your ultimate bias!’”

Acting like himself, Daniel was as cheeky as could be. That’s how he earned so many slaps from the members, his friends, and even his staff sometimes (those that were close enough to know he was harmless in despite of his power and fame). It was true about his mother though. She was more of a fan of Seongwoo than himself, to the point she had both their slogans while attending their concerts.

“You did this just for fun and bragging rights? I swear, you are the most unpredictable dude…Oh my gosh! Did you really buy my albums to come here? That’s so embarrassing! Why’d you have to be so over the top, Niel? Doing something nonsensical and unnecessary…Ah, I really can’t with you…”

“Eh~ Isn’t that much standard to be considered a true fan? I have more money than I know what to do with anyway. It’s my favorite hyung’s debut album, plus the albums are so pretty and modern. I can make pictures easily with it and it looks like a modern art piece since it’s black and white. I’m totally satisfied with my purchase.”

The singer was too embarrassed to look carefully at the stacks of albums behind Daniel. He needed to avoid it, but that meant he would have to look at the other’s face, which was also something that would surely crack his resolve.

“Ugh…You’re impossible. I should refund you.”

“Don’t even think of it. I tossed out all the receipts. It’s not possible.”

Seongwoo groaned and rubbed his temples while Daniel stuck out his tongue and wiggled his fingers with his thumbs in the middle of his fleshy cheeks, being obnoxious.  This was how they’d been, just like this which everyone around them in the past had found amusing. Full of playful banter, incredibly comfortable and honest like brothers.

Daniel had smoothly dropped his formal speech. Seongwoo hadn’t even blinked, he was that used to it. There’d been a couple of times where Seongwoo had yelled at him for not treating him respectfully, which is why Daniel had switched to adding the polite ‘hyung’ suffix instead of just saying his name like only friends were allowed to do. Though he dropped that from time to time, testing the waters and showing off how close they were.

No-one in the group was allowed to get away with as much as he was since he was the closest to Seongwoo. Even if he’d seemed annoyed, snapped and cursed at him, sometimes even slapping him, Daniel knew that he wasn’t actually upset. If he was truly upset, then his expression would become blank and he wouldn’t meet his eyes. He’d ignore him and his voice would turn flat with a hint of chillness mixed with sadness. As it did abruptly a moment later. Though Daniel couldn’t pinpoint the reason since there were a lot of different possibilities. He hadn’t expected Seongwoo to be in a good mood today.  

“What did you contact me this way for? There must be some important reason to go through all that. Spill it before the time’s up. I want a serious answer. Don’t pully anymore choding moves. I know you better.”

Daniel looked down to see that the call was already gone into three minutes. He’d used up half of his time already. Good thing that he had another call, though he wouldn’t tell Seongwoo. He wanted to see that adorable surprised, flustered expression again. This was going better than he expected. Since there wasn’t all that much time, he figured he better keep this call pleasant, meaning he needed to steer away from this subject for the moment. He switched to the ultimate awkward, shy fanboy mode, his ears tinting naturally when he did things that he wasn’t used to.

“Hyung, you should eat properly. You look really thin. And it’s not summer, you know. If you dress so thin, you’re sure to catch a cold while the seasons change. Take good care of yourself. Drink water, not just coffee and soups. Eat things besides jokbal and noodles. You’re alone now. There’s no-one to mother you.”

“Tch. Stop babying me. I’m doing just fine, for your information! I do all of that and more! I diet and take vitamins! Thanks no thanks for asking, hmph!” Seongwoo snapped, scrunching up his button nose as he scowled. It was as lovable as a hissing kitten, making Daniel’s insides creamy as a milkshake.

“I still like it when you get irritated. How adorable…” he muttered, chewing on his lips as his feelings bubbled to the brim of his brain.

“What was that? The connection is not that great, so you should speak up.”

Daniel was relieved that Seongwoo hadn’t heard his comment. That was putting his heart right on his sleeve more so than ever (he didn’t even want to imagine how silly and whipped his face looked). He couldn’t help being unguarded and emotional since it had been so long since they’d interacted. With Seongwoo, for some reason, he didn’t want to be secretive, especially after months of zilch contact.

“Ongz… Aren’t you showing too much skin? It seems the neckline is a bit stretched out. Instead of keeping the same favorite shirts for years, why not use some of that dough to replace your wardrobe? I mean, you’re the company’s biggest breadwinner, I heard. Where are all those millions going?”

“Did you come here just to nag me until my ears fall off? As if you are any different. You wear t-shirts on snowy days. You have the same clothes for over a decade while making more than me. You hypocritical frugal hoarder!”

“Yeah, well. You should do as I say. Not what I do. Follow by example. Haven’t you heard that expression?”

“Haven’t you ever heard of the expression ‘the pot calling the kettle black?’ Because that’s just what you’re doing, Nyel-ah.”

“I’m wearing white though? Oh no, have you gone color-blind, hyung?” Daniel retorted, then snickered when Seongwoo acted as if he were squeezing his neck through the call. The sensitive, expressive elder was such a blast to tease. He couldn’t possibly get tired of it.

“Ugh, I swear… Why are you doing this to me? Do you really have nothing better to do than pluck out a poor, tired bird’s feathers?”

“I wouldn’t have to do this if you just answered my calls or messages, hyung. No matter how busy you may be, isn’t this too mean? I’m running out of ways to reach out to you to prevent this friendship from dying.”

“Hey, it’s not like I don’t think of you! I reached out to you in my own way. Don’t try to come off like the good guy. I wasn’t being mean.”

“I didn’t see anything,” Daniel shrugged, not sure what he meant by that. To his knowledge, he’d been flat out ignoring him for months. 

“The sun and eye emojis. The clothes we both have. Posting and updating things at the same time. That sort of thing. That was my idea. It wasn’t a coincidence. It’s not my fault you don’t check around SNS.”

“Oh, really?”

Daniel was pleasantly delighted. He had indeed seen some of those sort of subtle connections, but he thought it was mostly coincidence that shippers had blown up.

Had Seongwoo been subtly flirting with him? Playing around? Attempting to keep a connection? Attempting to get his attention?

He should have noticed that there was something out of the ordinary there. He should have thought more into it beyond surface level. That was such a Seongwoo move. It seemed those ‘delusional’ fans knew Seongwoo better than he did.

“Why? What’s the meaning behind small hints like that? What did you want me to do that I haven’t done? Why would you avoid talking to me for months? Why didn’t you just directly comment or reply once?”

A beeper signaled that their time was up. They would have to leave on this awkward, rather tense note. Daniel’s question unanswered. Seongwoo slightly irritated and uncomfortable.

“Let’s talk another time, Daniel. I’ve gotta go call other fans…” he muttered, expression cloudy.

Daniel felt bad for ruining the cheerful, light-hearted mood. He hadn’t intended it to go exactly that way. He shouldn’t have asked already and it definitely shouldn’t have sounded accusatory, revealing that he was upset about it. Since he was sure that if he sniffed around, something he did was at the center of the issue.

“Sure. See you again soon!”

He ended the call on a bright note, waving and smiling the same carefree way that he had started. It was a last-second attempt to salvage the situation. Seongwoo’s wide, pretty smile seemed just a tad bit forced, his eyes uneasy when they met his for a brief second. He was gone. Daniel’s smile fell as he collapsed on the keyboard. He felt as if all the energy and courage in his body had been zapped.

“That was a bit of a mess compared to what I had planned. This really isn’t easy…”

How much he wished that the calls weren’t so damn short. It wouldn’t likely be enough with the way they got sidetracked and bickered.

After the unfortunately ending call, he lied on top of the blanketed sofa, scheming up a better plan for the next. How could he get Seongwoo to talk, then work their issues out the most in this short time? Could he possibly do it in a civil, cool manner without them getting into an emotional tiff that would drift them far away from a solution?

He didn’t want to argue with Seongwoo. He didn’t want to blame the elder or downgrade the reasons behind his actions. He truly just wanted to know what was wrong so that he could work to fix it since he was certain at the core of the issue.

He didn’t plan, of course, to confess and have Seongwoo take him as his boyfriend. That was still an impossible dream. He merely wanted them to be close friends that talked regularly once more. He wanted to clear up this nasty air that was ruining the atmosphere between them. He couldn’t possibly do that though if Seongwoo refused to talk about it; likewise if he turned hot-headed or stand-offish.

“So, it wasn’t that he didn’t want to have anything to do with me. He attempted to reach out, keeping a connection. I missed it. I misunderstood. It’s even more so my fault. Hmm…

Then, why did he not want to talk? Why would he be avoiding conversing at all but be fine with an association that we’re still close? Was he just attempting to get my attention? What’s he mad at me for?

I reached out to him hundreds of times, but no way I tried ever worked. It seems like he’s holding a grudge and it’s not an easy thing to discuss. He probably wanted me to figure it out on my own and apologize first. But I don’t recall doing anything worse than normal…”

Daniel let out a shaky breath, attempting to take the sharp edge of his panic off. The stress had an agonizing hold on him as if a tiger was sitting on his chest with it’s open jaws aimed for his throat.

“Shit…” Seongwoo muttered under his breath. He was shaking after the surprise attack from his ex-member, that secret, unshakable crush of his.

“Are you alright?” His manager asked in concern, coming over to rub his shoulders while Seongwoo collapsed over his knees, taking deep breaths.

No, I’m fucking not even close to alright. Who would be alright after getting a call from the person they were trying to get over, huh?

“Sorry…I need to go to the bathroom.”

“Well, I think we can give you a few minutes. But we have more calls, so if it’s number two, you better hold it.”

The singer wrinkled his nose at the bathroom talk. He was a proper, easily shy sort that disliked those sorts of topics. It made his mood worse when he recalled that was exactly why Daniel would dirty talk any chance he had – to see Seongwoo blush and scowl. That bratty overgrown puppy just loved teasing him until his last nerve was about to snap. Sometimes he even missed it since the people he was around were serious and nice to him. It felt strange. There was a distance and this vibe that kept him from being his usual self, which was a goofy guy who enjoyed joking around and bickering.

“Don’t think about him, you idiot. Or you’ll break down on someone who’s clueless…You know how thinking of him always ends up with tears…”

While muttering this, the man slapped his hot cheeks with water from the running tab in the public bathroom. Thankfully, he was alone, so it was alright for him to look a little crazy. Talking to himself in the mirror and such.

Besides the slight redness in his cheeks and uneasy eyes, he was gauntly white like the soap bubbles on the edge of the sink. The singer sighed, leaving streaks on the glass from his wet hair tips as he rubbed his head there in distress.

“Why does he still shake me up this badly? What kind of power does that nuisance have…” he whimpered.

He allowed himself exactly two minutes to attempt to calm down and tear his mind away from his guest caller before his eyes became red and his mood plummeted deep in the sewers. He couldn’t afford to worry his fans and rob them of a chance to communicate with him after they waited so long for him to return to music. Unfortunately, it was an impossible task to fully shut down his brain once Daniel invaded the folds. As it always had been.

Seongwoo knew the winter of the last year the group was together that he liked his roommate and best friend Daniel romantically, but it was too late when he realized what his feelings meant. There’d been moments where he felt jealous, clingy, and possessive of his friend, but he’d found an excuse for his actions every time. Staring at his body when changing, becoming flushed from a flash of abs, feeling shy when he was taken care of, smiled at or flirted with, making up excuses for skinship to occur. That was a new experience for the young man who had only ever liked girls. He hadn’t realized he could like boys even then, when he was clearly acting like a crushing fangirl. He wasn’t exactly scared or repulsed but he wasn’t welcome to those sorts of drastic changes in his character due to the consequences they’d bring.

It wasn’t until they were apart that everything clicked and he was forced to realize his true feelings. The hole that was left in his heart when the group separated and started living apart was strangely much bigger for his roommate than others. It hurt being without Daniel in a different way. He would break down crying hard for an hour after merely talking to Daniel only to realize when he turned around that he was alone now. He found himself uneasy if they weren’t texting every day, always wondering what Daniel was up to dozens of times a day when they weren’t talking.

He figured that it wasn’t normal to miss or think of a friend quite that much. He was an old-fashioned sort, so he didn’t want to say anything about what he suspected was a serious crush through text. He’d even delusioned himself into thinking that Daniel thought differently of him but wasn’t saying anything because he was shy or doubtful. At that time, the feelings were about to burst, so he convinced himself by twisting the facts and looking deep into every moment, every kind word and warm smile. He was eagerly waiting for a chance that they could meet up and hang out privately.

Confessions were put to the back of his mind when Daniel had various troubles that spring. They did meet a couple of times, but he focused on keeping the clearly struggling Daniel’s spirits up, distracting him from his worries and anxieties with old stories and new situations in his life that he thought would make Daniel laugh. He decided for the mean time that he would just stay his close friend instead of burdening him with his feelings. He didn’t think at all that Daniel could possibly have time for a relationship with anyone.

So, when the scandal broke out, he felt like he’d been slapped front and back with a nail-infested two-by-four. He’d been in a relationship for months with a girl and he’d never hinted about it to him, not even a peep. In the midst of troubled times as well.

At that point, he wondered if he’d been wrong about everything he’d been thinking. Not only had he been delusional about Daniel’s sexuality, he’d been mistaken. He obviously wasn’t as close of a friend as he thought. Maybe Daniel hadn’t trusted him to keep the relationship secret.  He was hurt, embarrassed, and betrayed. But in many ways, he felt it was wrong for him to feel that way.

What had Daniel really done wrong? It wasn’t a crime to date someone. It was a person’s choice how much of their private life to reveal to others. Wasn’t he being selfish and over-sensitive? Wasn’t he like this because he was emotionally distressed? Weren’t his special feelings making him judge Daniel in the most negative way? Was he ever going to be able to think rationally so that he could behave in a civil manner?

At first, he’d started avoiding speaking to Daniel because he was angry and dumbfounded. Then, he kept it going because he felt he wasn’t ready to talk; he was afraid that he would snap. He didn’t want to say something out of line in an emotional state which might wreck their friendship. He didn’t want to hurt Daniel even if he felt justified to speak his mind about his pain. There were so many enemies in the world who had turned on him and hurt him already.

At some point, being alone, ignoring Daniel directing him in the group chat and all became a sick, unhealthy habit he wasn’t the least bit proud of. So, even when the news came out that Daniel was officially single and much of his industry-related issues had been resolved, he still said nothing, answered no calls, replied to no texts.

He told himself again and again that he would text him later and make up for being a terrible friend. Once his feelings were sorted out and he could speak in an unharmful way. That was the condition. He would talk to Daniel only after he didn’t like him anymore.

The thing was, that time hadn’t come yet. His feelings were as stubborn to fade as black ink on a white blouse.

Thirty minutes after getting back to the scheduled calling, Seongwoo groaned. A familiar face was on his screen, wearing a black beanie under a fuzzy cat ear headband and resting his pointy chin in his open hands. The cat-lover was pretty and cute with that blinding, cheesy smile in a flower pose.

“Why am I not even surprised? Just how many albums did you buy to disturb my peace continuously? Am I going to be seeing that marshmallow mug of yours ten times?”

Since the tension was gone for the most part (due to lovable Niel-ging’s appearance), he burst out laughing. Daniel had moved aside to proudly present an entire bookshelf full of nothing but black and white albums. There had to be at least a hundred. It seemed like he’d arranged the black ones around the white ones to form Snoopy.

That crazy dude wasn’t joking. He was dead serious. He had truly bought a ton of albums in order to have as many chances to talk to him as possible. That was insane but it was also admirable. Rather touching, in fact. There was someone he knew that would go to that extent to make up with him.

“Can you see, hyung? I’m really your biggest fan. I broke my back just to get a chance to talk to you.”

“Alright, alright. You’ve earned it. I will let you do as you wish. Freaking impossible, stubborn kid. What do you want from me? Should I sing? Impersonate some photos? Do the hula in a grass skirt?”

“Hmm. There’s nothing I want to request. This time, I wanted to ask you some questions and have a bit more serious talk. Is that alright? Even if the mood gets a bit dark and heavy?”

Seongwoo gulped. He was visibly scared. However, Daniel’s chocolate almond eyes were so sweet and calm, as if he were reassuring him that he would do his best to tread lightly on difficult subjects. He knew eventually they were going to need to sort through their issues and it was going to be awkward. He was avoiding it because he was afraid the timing would be off, resulting in ruining their friendship. But it was more likely that they would grow closer than drift apart. Because that’s what happened with guy friends.

He reminded himself while holding his breath that didn’t need to profess his undying love. He shouldn’t think of the worst-case scenario. If he didn’t want to tell him about his feelings ever, then he didn’t have to. It was unfortunate that he still hadn’t managed to get rid of them in the slightest, which was why his heart was pounding like a thunderstorm and his ears were flaming like the sun.

“Er, I guess. This would be easier if there wasn’t any video…”

“But then I wouldn’t see your face, which is what I’m paying over ten dollars an album for. So, nope, no way. The camera stays on. Pretty Prince Ong.”

Seongwoo felt his body relax as his nervousness increased. The statement was so ridiculous, and it was one that he hadn’t heard before. His snort laugh came out, then he covered his face, laughing and flushing harder out of embarrassment.

“What’s that….”

“It’s no exaggeration though. You are pretty and handsome like a prince. Anyway, hyung. Can you tell me this at least? What did I do to make you so upset to the point you can’t talk to me even casually? I’ve been wracking my brain for months, but I just don’t understand. Did it have something to do with…her?”

“Hmm. Yeah. Kind of. Okay, well…It’s just. I didn’t think you’d be in a relationship. And since we’re friends, if you were, I thought for sure you would tell me. I was blindsided and…”

“Betrayed? Because I didn’t tell you?”

Daniel guessed, appearing solemn and guilt-ridden. Seongwoo took a moment to think, then he simply nodded. This was difficult so he couldn’t look the other in the eye, though he could feel the anxious, sincere gaze drilling heat into his skin.

“I didn’t tell anyone though, hyung. I didn’t want anyone to know about it, actually. Because it wasn’t going to last and it wasn’t serious. I don’t even know why I was with her, but I felt like I shouldn’t tell about my relationship to anyone unless I want it to last. It was pretty much over with when the news came out, but there were some reasons to keep the pretenses going and delay saying we split.”

“Ah, is that so…”

Although he was relieved that she hadn’t meant much, he didn’t know what to say. It still hurt that it was true that he did date someone and then chose not to tell him. Somehow, he had been hoping that it was fake and he was forced not to tell even though he’d wanted to.

“Yeah. That’s the story. How are you feeling now?” Daniel spoke carefully while studying Seongwoo’s expression, which was difficult to interpret. However, of the many things that Daniel was good at, one was accurately guessing when Seongwoo was okay or not.

“Honestly? Not that much better. But thanks for explaining. At least now I finally know some things.”

Daniel held up his clasped hands and shook them as if he were pleading.

“I’m sorry, hyung. I’m comfortable to tell you everything. That was just my philosophy. There wasn’t any good time to tell you that stuff either. It would have spoiled our good times together. You’re more important to me, so it even slipped my mind. I’m really, really sorry.”

“Am I? Still? Even after being a bad friend?”

“Hey. Seems like I was a bad friend first. You had a right to be angry. Your feelings are completely justified. I’d be angry too. Nothing changed, promise. I still consider you my best friend. I’ll forgive you for anything. Even shooting me in the balls.”

Seongwoo winced and Daniel laughed in that husky, dorky fashion.

The elder lectured, “Why would you say…Stop playing so many games, jeez. It’s rotting your mind.”

“It’s my hobby, so I can’t stop. Instead, you should play with me. I heard that you’re better. I promise I won’t tease or scold you like before. I might not seem so on the outside, but I’ve matured.”

Seongwoo appeared doubtful. Daniel was tempted to pinch his raised eyebrow. He scrunched up his nose from the epic cuteness. A few seconds of silence passed as they simply gazed at each other with faint smiles.

“There’s something else I want to ask. It might sound random, but… here goes. Is there anything that you regret?”

“Sure. There’s lots. But we only have a minute left. How about we share?”

Daniel appeared nervous, shifting his eyes away. He hesitated, fingers near his lips as if he were about to start biting them. Seongwoo was subtly giving him a chance to show a part of his heart first, but Daniel seemed scared to.

Seongwoo had no idea what possessed him to be so brave, but suddenly he had this urge to spill his darkest secrets. Maybe because in a minute, he would be able to disconnect. He could say what he needed to with the added benefit of being able to disappear before suffering the awkwardness if the response wasn’t good. In the case of a phone call or a face-to-face meeting, he wouldn’t have any decent excuse to run away; instead, he would come off as rude. He had this sense of ‘well, it’s now or never, just go for it before you become a coward’.

“I regret that I didn’t realize that I liked you earlier. I regret that I didn’t honestly express myself even after I realized what I was feeling. I regret being such a fool and terribly embarrassing myself. Because I deluded myself into thinking that you weren’t straight, that you liked me too, and that things you said and did and some special meaning.

If I had the chance, I would have confessed like a crazy dummy. I might have been more humiliated if I’d been turned down before you were dating someone, but at least it would have hurt a bit less. I was avoiding you because I was being childish. I was upset and jealous, then I made up excuses not to talk to you because it would be awkward. I simply watched all the opportunities to confess drift by. I’m sorry for by bratty, odd behavior…I just wanted you for myself the whole time…”

The other gaped in shock. It wasn’t at all along the lines of what he was expecting to hear.

“Seongwoo-yah…So, you liked me before…”

Seongwoo smiled gently, resting his cheek against his fist. “Yeah, but that’s not one of my regrets. How could I regret liking such a good person?”

“Hyung…” Daniel whined with a pout and a sniffle.

At the end of the call, they were both silent, unable to tear their teary eyes away from each other. Seongwoo wasn’t sure what Daniel wanted to say since his expression was complex, but the phone call wasn’t enough time for him to wrestle his chaotic thoughts and frozen lips into somewhat recognizable words. They had to end their second call in limbo.

Seongwoo desperately hoped that Daniel would call him again so he could hear an answer to his confession, whichever outcome it may be. Although, he was no longer feeling cowardly, so even if there were no more winning calls, he was going to call Daniel after this was over for sure. He couldn’t leave things so open-ended. That would be like bursting open a juicy watermelon without ever taking a spoonful—downright disrespect.

Even if these special feelings weren’t mutual, at least he wanted to repair their broken friendship. He couldn’t stand that gaping loneliness a single day more. He’d tried to fill it with many things and people as well for nearly a year, but it was impossible. Daniel, his existence literally, was just too big to be filled with anything else. He was done waiting for things to fix themselves.

Daniel was laying on the floor rug with his tan, short-coated cat on his stomach. She was bumping his hand with her nose and meowing, scolding him for not petting her. His mind was not in the dimly lit living room but floating in the clouds, which accounted for the glistening tint in his brown eyes and the goofy grin on his face. The star was ironically absolutely star-struck.

“Seongwoo liked me…Wah…me of all people…he had a crush on jerky loser me…Wah, hehe…so he was jealous, that’s why he was avoiding me…hehe…why am I so happy to hear that even though it’s past tense…hehe…”

For several blissful, slow-motion minutes, he replayed their conversation in his mind. Since he had a terrific memory, he could recall how his hyung looked in vivid detail. As beautiful and adorable as a baby’s bottom. He probably hadn’t realized it, but Seongwoo was blushing throughout the majority of each call. His smile and laugh were so lovely that Daniel thought he was going to go crazy back there.

It was hard to not shake the table or hug the monitor so tight that it was at risk of breaking. Even when he was annoyed or sad, he looked pretty as a peach. That was why he’d fallen so hard for him from the first time they met. Seongwoo was just such a visual dream. No matter what he did or how he styled, he was so dreamy that you couldn’t help but like him. Your preferences didn’t matter. Seongwoo was everyone’s type. Not liking Seongwoo was a crime.

“Ah, ottokhae~ I still like him so much. He’s freaking cute~ How can anyone be so perfect? To think, our feelings were mutual. Someone so out of my league liked dorky, ugly me, aw, ottokhae~ I like it so much~”

Laughing strangely, he covered his flushed face and kicked his feet sporadically. The sudden movement and banging noise drove his cat away, hissing angrily.

“Niel. You owe me, you brat.”

“I do? For what?”

Daniel wasn’t expecting that Seongwoo’s hypnotic galaxy eyes would be catapulting sparking meteors at him the second that he saw his face on their last call. He was afraid that he’d done something terribly wrong.

“Duh. For just now. I told you my regrets. Now it’s your turn. If you try to back out of the deal, I will chop off your finger.”

“Ah, that’s what you meant.” The younger huffed in relief like ‘eh-hyoo~’ Seongwoo gazed at him while wearing a warm smile, waiting patiently.

“Hmm. Of course, I regret that I made you misunderstand. That I was an idiot and hurt you. That I was so dense I didn’t see a hint of your feelings. I also seriously am regretting right now, I think. I seriously regret looking like such a wimp as if my repeated signs of idiocy wasn’t enough. I never thought that you would like me that way, so when I heard your confession, my mind went completely blank. I was just so happy and also regretting my actions this year, all of them. That I ended up crying. That was uncool.”

“Why? Is it so uncool to cry? You’ve seen me cry a thousand times now. This crybaby is offended. So, my crush thinks I’m uncool…” Seongwoo complained, crossing his arms and looking haughtily to the side.

The younger stuttered and started flailing in panic. “No! You are pretty when you cry. I’m so much uglier.”

“Aigoo. Why do you think you’re ugly? You never have been. Not even when you wake up. You’re always cute and handsome, Niel. That’s why my heart is near malfunctioning every call with you today.”

“Aw, hyung…”

Daniel wasn’t expecting that Seongwoo would suddenly hit him with some flirty yet apparently genuine compliment. That--coupled with the knowledge that Seongwoo apparently still was crushing on him, he hadn’t lost his chance yet—made him weak. He sank down in the chair, hands over his mouth to muffle his excited squeal. His face had never been so red. It almost looked like a filter effect. Seongwoo wickedly snickered with a familiar, hot smirk.

“As usual, so bashful and easy you are. Ask me that, Nyel-ah. The coffee or tea question.”

“Huh? Why?”

“Just do it. It will be fun, trust me.”

Daniel couldn’t ignore a request from Seongwoo is his life was on the line. Not then, not now. His crush might not know it, but he had full control of him. He was a completely loyal, obedient puppy only for this one person.

He did groan and whine before succumbing because he really wasn’t good doing cheesy things. He had only planned to apologize and make up. Confessing and flirting seriously was the last thing on his mind for today. Seongwoo had him on a fast and furious drive, going full-throttle, banging up all the speed signs on the way.

“Do you like coffee, tea, or me?” He just barely managed to get the question out through gritted teeth, his fingers clawing his desk.

 Seongwoo responded immediately as if he’d planned out a skit. “Do I have to choose just one? I want both.”

“You mean, coffee and tea? Won’t you be pissing all night?” The younger genuinely thought that Seongwoo meant that. He was unusually slow because his brain had been wrecked like a cannon to a boat’s side.

“No, pabo. I mean, coffee and Daniel.”

The instant he said that with a sensual smirk, Daniel collapsed. He fell off the floor and buried his face in his arms, laughing and flushing like crazy. The surprise attack was a fatal hit. He couldn’t get up as the seconds left on the timer went by.

“As expected, you really can’t handle flirting. I’m done with all the calls. I’ll be waiting for you, shy boy. At that place. You remember, right? If you are serious about me, you have a chance to make it up from now.”

Daniel figured he was talking about the usual café that they liked. He raised up his hand to give a thumbs up at the camera, though he was too bashful to show his face just yet.

“Of course. I’ll take a taxi in five.”