Archive of Our Own ^beta

“Would you please be with me forever?”

It had been over a year now since that night Kurosawa had kneeled in front of Adachi and asked him that very question. Over a year, and Adachi had never once regretted saying yes.

Now, he only wished Kurosawa believed him.

It wasn’t something they ever talked about, really, but Adachi could see how Kurosawa would sometimes get this wistful look in his eyes whenever he gazed at him. It was as though he was still wondering if this was all a dream, as though he was trying to commit it all to memory in fear that what they had was fleeting, that it might all come to an end.

Adachi knew that those insecurities came from all those years Kurosawa had watched him from afar, never letting himself believe Adachi would one day return his feelings. He knew of Kurosawa’s daydreams, of the heartache they used to bring him. And while he was past beating himself up for never noticing the way Kurosawa had been looking at him all along, Adachi still hated that he wasn’t able to fully soothe Kurosawa’s fears of losing him. Especially with how much Kurosawa had done to help him with his own insecurities.

It felt ridiculous, somehow, that Kurosawa could still doubt what they had. They had fitted into each other’s lives so naturally after that Christmas - as much a continuation of the relationship they had started before as a new beginning. From going out on more dates, to feeling more comfortable with their growing intimacy, and eventually moving in together, everything had fallen into place so easily that sometimes Adachi felt as though he had known Kurosawa for his entire life. 

Of course, it wasn’t always perfect. They both had their bad days, after all, where they would struggle with their own insecurities, but at least they had each other when that happened. Adachi had never thought that having someone by his side whenever he felt down could make such a difference. He felt blessed. Blessed to have Kurosawa’s support, blessed to be the one person who got to witness the weaker, more human side of his boyfriend, and to be able to support him in return.

Truly, he felt blessed just being with Kurosawa. He hadn’t necessarily felt dissatisfied with his life before, but he hadn’t felt satisfied either. He didn’t use to think about it much, to be honest. After all, Adachi had never expected to have a particularly exciting life. As long as it was manageable and he could enjoy a few hobbies on the side, mindless routine used to sit perfectly fine with him. 

Until Kurosawa came into his life and showed him that routine didn’t have to be mindless. 

On the outside, Adachi’s daily life didn’t seem to have changed that much. He still spent his days doing the same job, enjoyed playing video games or reading manga to relax after work… Of course, there were now the surprise dates and impromptu trips Kurosawa organized on their days off - in spite of all of Adachi’s efforts to get him to dial down on the grand gestures. But really, while Adachi of course loved everything they did together, their shared routine was the most precious to him. 

He loved being greeted by his boyfriend’s smile every morning, loved staying in bed just a little longer to bask in each other’s warmth before they needed to get ready for work. He loved the looks and the little smiles they exchanged during the train ride or across the office space, loved the way their ankles touched under the cafeteria table when they ate lunch together, or the not-so-accidental brush of their hands when walking back to their desks. He loved that they often came home together, or if they couldn’t then he would get to welcome Kurosawa home - or be welcomed by Kurosawa’s smile. He loved spending quiet evenings together, leaning on Kurosawa’s shoulder while reading a book on the couch, or being wrapped in his boyfriend’s arms if they decided to watch something together. And he loved going to bed together, sharing sweet, lazy kisses that would sometimes become more passionate until they eventually fell asleep in each other’s arms.

Those little things might seem insignificant, yet they meant everything to Adachi. Just like stars lit up the night sky, they made his life feel so much brighter. If he used to worry a lot about their relationship back when the magic had still been a secret, most of his fears had now been eased and what was left was a warm, safe feeling. 

And now, all that Adachi wanted was for Kurosawa to feel just as safe with him. He wanted to show Kurosawa how truly happy he was being with him, that he wasn’t staying out of kindness or because he felt guilty that Kurosawa had loved him silently for so long. He would never do something like that, really; it would just be cruel… But still, Adachi knew that Kurosawa carried that fear within him, no matter how irrational it might be. Not that Adachi was one to judge anyone for having irrational fears, but it still saddened him. 

In any case, he really wanted to do something. Something that would reaffirm his vow from that Christmas night, that would finally ease Kurosawa’s fears and allow him to trust that Adachi would truly remain by his side forever, out of nothing else but love.

The problem was that Adachi had no idea what that something could be. He wasn’t really good at talking; he couldn’t put his feelings into words as easily as Kurosawa. He could probably write them down, but somehow writing Kurosawa a letter really didn’t feel like enough. He wasn’t necessarily looking for a big romantic gesture - he also wasn’t good at thinking those up - but still something significant enough to really convey his feelings. 

After quite a lot of overthinking, the answer finally dawned on him - and it ended up being so obvious that Adachi berated himself slightly for not having been able to come up with it on his own. Then again, the way it happened felt so much like fate that Adachi didn’t mind it too much either.

It wasn’t technically spring yet, but the days were definitely getting warmer. He was on the way home after having had lunch with Tsuge - they hadn’t had much time to catch up recently so it had been nice to meet up just the two of them. It had also been a while since Adachi had come to that area, yet he remembered that there used to be a sweets shop not too far from the train station that sold daifuku Kurosawa really liked. Except, when he went to buy some, the shop wasn’t there anymore and had been replaced by a different kind of store. Adachi was about to go back, slightly disappointed, when his eyes caught sight of one of the displays and he stopped in his tracks. 

Of course.

The new store happened to be a jewelry store, with a big window display of rings in the middle. Almost transfixed, Adachi stepped closer and let his eyes wander across all the rings. Gold bands, platinum bands, some with simple designs, others with more original ones or small diamond inserts - Adachi would likely have felt quite lost if the sight hadn’t brought back the memory of one of Kurosawa’s daydreams. He hadn’t paid too much attention to that detail at the time, the main content of the vision already unsettling him enough. Now, though, he definitely remembered the brief flash of their intertwined hands over blue sheets, and most importantly, the subtle shine of a platinum band around his finger.

Ever since he had lost his magic, Adachi had tried to make as many of Kurosawa’s dreams come true as possible. Technically, they had already recreated that particular one… Except for that little detail. Somehow, Adachi suspected that they might have been wearing rings in many more of those visions, even though he didn’t remember enough details to be sure. 

Either way, it was something Kurosawa had dreamed about. In the end, the only reason why they weren’t wearing rings right now was that Kurosawa had been too worried about Adachi being embarrassed to present him with one back then. But the meaning behind those pens had been the same, and Adachi had known that when he had said yes. They might not be able to technically get married yet, but for all intents and purposes, they were engaged. 

So, rings. That made perfect sense. Because while it was true that Adachi would have been embarrassed to wear one right after that Christmas night, back when he was still adjusting to the mere fact of being in a relationship, that definitely wasn’t true anymore. Sure, he still felt rather self-conscious about the stares they would attract sometimes, but at the end of the day it didn’t bother him as much as it used to. After all, being with Kurosawa had made him happier than he had ever been his entire life, so why should it matter what other people might think?

The important people in his life - his friends, his mother, they all knew about their relationship by now and supported them. And really, even if they didn’t… Adachi was sure it wouldn’t have changed anything. His relationship with Kurosawa was the most precious thing in his life, and cherishing it truly was what mattered the most.

He wanted to keep cherishing what they had, keep cherishing his boyfriend - his fiancé - for as long as he could. And hopefully, if he was the one to present Kurosawa with rings, Kurosawa would understand the significance. 

Before he could start overthinking this, Adachi took a deep breath and stepped inside the shop.

Coming home that same night was a rather stressful event. Adachi had never been the best at keeping secrets - he was always too jumpy, too hyper aware of everything around him to appear nonchalant, and people usually always figured out he was hiding something. And, considering how well Kurosawa knew him, Adachi knew it would be tough.

Still, he hoped that he could explain his apparent nervousness by telling Kurosawa the story of how he had wanted to get him some sweets but the store had disappeared. He could even say that it had been replaced by a jewelry store - after all, as long as Kurosawa didn’t know of the order Adachi had placed earlier in that very store, things should be fine, right?

Worst case scenario, Adachi also knew of a rather foolproof way to distract his boyfriend.

“I’m home,” he said loudly as he closed their apartment door behind him and kicked off his shoes. 

Kurosawa appeared in the hallway, wearing an apron and his usual blinding smile. He was accompanied by a delicious smell coming from the kitchen. “Welcome back. How is Tsuge?” His smile fell a little. “Is something wrong?”

Of course he would notice immediately.

Adachi shook his head quickly. “No, no, everything’s fine, Tsuge’s fine. It’s just…” He exhaled loudly and looked up at Kurosawa. “You know that sweet shop you liked? It’s not there anymore. I wanted to bring you back something…”

He was interrupted by Kurosawa pulling him into a hug. “Ah, Kiyoshi, you don’t need to worry about that. I’m just happy to have you back in my arms.”

Adachi couldn’t help but chuckle. Really, he had thought that Kurosawa’s mushiness had mainly been due to how long he had been trying to suppress his feelings for him, and that it would fade a little over time… But no, that was just the way Kurosawa was - the way Kurosawa loved. 

And dammit, Adachi adored him.

“Besides,” Kurosawa continued, gently cupping Adachi’s cheek to get him to look at him, “if I want something sweet for dessert, I can always have you.”

Right. Foolproof.

Adachi raised an eyebrow - he wasn’t so quick to blush over such light teasing anymore. “And what if I want something sweet?”

Kurosawa made a weak sound, something between a whine and a groan, and pressed his forehead to Adachi’s. “If you don’t want the dinner to burn, then stop saying such things.”

“Alright, alright, but just because I’m actually hungry,” Adachi laughed and kissed his boyfriend sweetly. “I’ll go take a bath and leave you to it then, okay?”

Later that night, after Adachi had successfully kept Kurosawa distracted for a while, he started contemplating the decision he had just taken. Kurosawa was already asleep behind him, his left arm draped over Adachi’s waist and their fingers intertwined. Slowly, careful not to wake up his boyfriend, Adachi lifted their tangled hands in front of his eyes and stared for a while, trying to picture matching bands adorning them. 

Yes. It felt right. So right, in fact, that Adachi started feeling the anticipation bubbling inside his chest. He couldn’t wait to do it, couldn’t wait to present Kurosawa with the rings, to see the look on his face - couldn’t wait to always carry on his person a reminder of what they had, what they meant to each other.

Sure, part of him did feel slightly anxious at the thought that it definitely wouldn’t go unnoticed at work. People would immediately notice Kurosawa wearing a ring, and while his coworkers didn’t usually pay Adachi much attention, someone - Urabe or Rokkaku, most likely - was bound to notice and announce their surprise loudly. Then, it probably wouldn’t take a genius to connect the dots. 

That being said, they weren’t always subtle - especially not Kurosawa - and while no one had ever said anything, Adachi was sure some people already suspected something. And, surprisingly, Adachi found that he didn’t care so much anymore. It would have been an issue if it could endanger their careers, but Toyokawa’s policy on relationships between coworkers was rather lax, so it shouldn’t pose a problem. 

As for the rest, well. The warmth Adachi felt as he slowly traced over his ring finger with his other hand was a lot stronger than the anxiety related to their coworkers’ reaction. 

Ah, I really can’t wait.

Adachi snuggled a bit closer against Kurosawa, smiling when his sleeping boyfriend unconsciously tightened his hold around him. He still needed to think about when and where he wanted to do this, but he had some time. The store had told him it would take about ten days to do the engraving inside the rings, so, in the meantime, Adachi would be able to consider his options. For now, he should try to sleep. 

He gently kissed Kurosawa’s hand and closed his eyes, trying to focus on his boyfriend’s regular breathing in order to calm down the bubbly feeling inside his chest.

Adachi was definitely overthinking this. 

It had barely been a week since he had bought the rings, and he didn’t even technically have them in his possession, but he had spent most of his time since then trying to figure out where and how to present Kurosawa with them. He just wanted to do this right, to do this in a way that was worthy of Kurosawa. 

There were several places that were significant to them. The park bench, where Adachi had reached out to Kurosawa all those years ago; the bridge where Adachi had confessed… Those were rather public places though, and Adachi’s newfound confidence didn’t quite yet extend to doing a public proposal. The roof of the Anton building would be a good alternative, but it would just feel like he was copying Kurosawa. He could book them a trip to that onsen they had been to on New Year’s after they had gotten back together, but it would sort of spoil the surprise a little. 

Usually, he would at least talk about this with Tsuge to help organize his thoughts - and maybe get some good advice out of the conversation - but he really didn’t want anyone to know beforehand. It just didn’t feel fair to Kurosawa. After all, this was about the two of them, not anyone else. He did try to go through Tsuge’s novels again, at least the ones that included a proposal scene, but they always had the same sort of thing… Moonlight boat rides, secluded beaches at sunset… All grand romantic gestures that sounded really nice, but ultimately didn’t feel like him.

“Everything alright?” Kurosawa asked him one night from the kitchen, while Adachi was sitting on the couch and frowning at his phone. 

“Ah, yes!” Adachi all but yelped, quickly exiting his browser app and turning off his screen. Alright, maybe he shouldn’t read articles such as “The ten best ways to propose to your significant other” when Kurosawa was at home. 

Kurosawa tilted his head slightly, and Adachi could see the concern in his eyes as he looked up behind the couch. “I don’t know, you’ve been looking rather preoccupied lately. You can tell me anything, you know?”

Of course Kurosawa would notice something. Of course. Adachi tried his best to wave it off. “It’s nothing, don’t worry about it. I just have… stuff on my mind. Work, you know.”

“Oh, I didn’t realize you were having a hard time, sorry. Anything I can help you with?” Kurosawa sounded off, and Adachi knew he wasn’t really buying that admittedly lame excuse, and he was likely starting to worry about losing him again.

Oh god, this is so not what I wanted, Adachi thought, mentally hitting himself. He stood up quickly and went to wrap his arms around Kurosawa from behind. He held him tightly, burying his face between his boyfriend’s shoulder blades and placing a small kiss there, just above the collar of Kurosawa’s t-shirt. 

“Alright, it’s not work,” Adachi admitted quietly. He felt Kurosawa tense and loosened his hold around him a little, just so that he could get his boyfriend to turn around and face him. “But please don’t worry about it. I promise it’s something good - it’s just something I need to figure out on my own first, okay?”

Kurosawa exhaled shakily but nodded. “Okay. But please tell me if I can hel—”

“You can help by stopping all this unnecessary fretting,” Adachi teased, placing a gentle kiss on his lips. “Seriously, I wish you would trust how much I love you by now.”

“I do— Really. It’s just…” Kurosawa sighed and rested his forehead on Adachi’s. “Ah, I guess I can’t help it. I just can’t bear to imagine my life without you.”

“Then don’t,” Adachi replied simply. He captured his boyfriend’s lips once again and kissed him slowly, lovingly cradling Kurosawa’s face in his hands. It took some more kissing and cuddling for Kurosawa’s nerves to settle down, and while Adachi still wasn’t any closer to figuring out how he wanted to do things, this incident only made his resolve stronger.

The answer came to him later that night. Kurosawa was fast asleep, curled up in Adachi’s arms. Adachi was watching him softly, his fingers tracing idle patterns on his boyfriend’s back. He kept trying to picture them in various proposal scenarios he had been reading about, but no matter what, he couldn’t find anything that felt right. He wanted to do something that felt like them… That would make Kurosawa feel warm and safe, just the way Kurosawa always made him feel.

And then he remembered. Kurosawa’s sister had told him something months ago, back when Adachi was freaking out about celebrating Kurosawa’s birthday together for the first time. “You’re thinking about this too hard,” she had said - which was pretty much always true when it came to Adachi, but that hadn’t been the main message. The important part had been what she had texted next, “Yuichi loves you for you, so you should do something that you come up with. If it comes from you, he’s bound to appreciate it.”

He thought back fondly to the date he had planned then, how he had taken Kurosawa to a place where they could make their own keyrings. They had only recently moved in together after all, and Adachi knew how much it meant to Kurosawa that they finally shared their lives completely. So, commemorating that new step in their relationship had seemed like the perfect idea.

Well, he couldn’t very well plan the same date, but… Maybe he didn’t have to plan anything at all. Maybe he could do it here, in their home, the one place where they could always be themselves without worrying about the rest of the world. Adachi loved their home, loved how it was a perfect blend of him and Kurosawa, loved all the memories these walls carried, even after the short amount of time they had been living here. And he knew all of this was precious to Kurosawa as well.

Of course, he would need to set the mood a little, maybe redecorate… He thought of all the mementos he had been keeping from their dates, tickets from places they visited together, station stamps, all the pictures of them together that Kurosawa always saved on a shared album just for the two of them. Maybe… Maybe he could do something with all that - create something that would contain all of their memories together, and surprise Kurosawa with it.

And then, when Kurosawa would be done looking through it all, he would surprise him with the rings. 

Yes. Yes, that could work. 

Everything was ready.

Alright, maybe Adachi wasn’t sure he himself was ready. He was a complete mess of nerves - had been for a few days, really, ever since he had gotten the rings back from the shop. It was a good thing Kurosawa had been away for a week-long business trip, because Adachi would have had a hard time hiding how anxious he was.

It wasn’t even that he was scared… They were technically already engaged, so his relationship wasn’t at stake here, but… As usual, he worried about the little things - about fumbling over his words, dropping the rings, basically making a fool of himself. Of course it was irrational; Adachi knew very well that Kurosawa would absolutely not hold any of this against him, but since when was his anxiety rational anyway?

He checked the time again - Kurosawa’s Shinkansen had arrived a while ago, so he must not have been more than fifteen minutes away. Unable to sit still, Adachi got up to check on the decoration for the hundredth time, adjusting the new picture frames he had set up on the side table next to the couch, the shelf and the small LED candles he had put next to each of them. Somehow it calmed him a little bit every time he did this - maybe it was just doing something instead of sitting and waiting, or maybe it was the way he couldn’t help but smile at the photos and the memories they brought back… A snow fight on their first New Year’s trip, a warm summer weekend at the beach, the soft glow of fireworks lighting up their faces for a quick selfie at a festival… They just helped remind Adachi why he was doing this, helped transform his anxiety into determination for a moment. 

He took a deep breath, deciding that the frames were definitely fine, but still went to adjust the little LED candles he had put on the kitchen counter, and the fairy lights he had wrapped around the large plant in their living room before sitting back down on the couch, fingers nervously tapping on his thighs. He checked behind the cushions for the little red box again, making sure he could reach it discreetly while Kurosawa would be going through the album that was sitting in the middle of the coffee table. Adachi resisted the urge to look through it again and check that none of the pictures or mementos had come off - he had done it at least ten times already, it was fine. 

Maybe I should have gotten some candles for the table too… It feels a little off— No, there are enough little lights already, this isn’t supposed to be a Christmas display… But—

That train of thought was fortunately interrupted by the sound of the apartment door being unlocked. Adachi took a deep, unsteady breath and stood up, trying to ignore the dizziness that was threatening to overcome him. I can do this. With one last glance towards the place where he had hidden the rings, Adachi went to greet Kurosawa in the hallway.

“Welcome back,” he said, trying to hide his nervousness as he smiled at his boyfriend. 

“I’m home,” Kurosawa replied, kicking off his shoes. “Ah, I missed y—” As he looked up at Adachi, Kurosawa immediately froze, his eyes traveling up and down Adachi’s body. 

Even though this was the reaction Adachi had hoped for, he still felt himself start to blush under the sheer intensity of his boyfriend’s gaze. “Hi,” he said, nervously rubbing the back of his neck.

“You… when?”

Adachi chuckled at the way Kurosawa seemed to be unable to form sentences. He knew that wouldn’t last, but it still felt slightly empowering every time he managed to surprise his boyfriend enough that he would be at a loss for words. Adachi had always thought of himself as plain and unattractive, but Kurosawa had done his best to show him those assumptions were very, very wrong. And while Adachi didn’t entirely believe his - slightly biased - boyfriend, he still liked surprising him with new outfits from time to time, outfits that were wildly different from the loose, unfitting clothing he used to favor.

He had agonized about every little detail for this special night, so of course that had included his clothes. He wanted the atmosphere to be cozy and warm, but Kurosawa would be wearing a suit, so it would be weird if Adachi was wearing something too casual. In the end, he went for something in between. Dark blue pants, matched to a dark blue blazer. Underneath, he was wearing an even darker blue sweater that had a white diagonal line across it, giving the outfit a nice, light touch. All those were very well fitted, something he wasn’t entirely used to yet... But based on the way Kurosawa was looking at him, it seemed to suit him.

“I wanted to surprise you,” Adachi said simply, holding out his hand to lead Kurosawa into their living room. 

Kurosawa took his hand, his bag and suitcase forgotten in the hallway as he followed Adachi, eyes still wide. “Surprise,” he repeated, confused. He stopped in his tracks as Adachi turned around to see him looking around the room and taking in all the little lights and the new photos. “Wait— Is today a special date? Did I forget any—”

Adachi cut his ridiculous boyfriend off with a kiss. “I don’t think you’re capable of forgetting any special date, considering you’ve noted down every single one.” It was true, and Kurosawa made a point to celebrate the anniversary of the first time they held hands, the first time Adachi came over to his house, their first practice date, and many other things that always made Adachi roll his eyes in fond amusement. “I don’t need a reason for wanting to surprise you now, do I?” Adachi said with a small, teasing smile.

Kurosawa’s hand tightened around Adachi’s. “I… No, I guess not.” He still seemed a bit confused and wary. Adachi sighed fondly, cupping his boyfriend’s face.

“See, that’s the thing. When you do something like this for me, it’s all normal to you. But if it’s me… You start getting all up in your head somehow. I see the way you look at me sometimes, like you’re afraid I’m going to leave or, I don’t know, disappear.” Kurosawa opened his mouth as if to say something but Adachi didn’t leave him the time. “But I won’t. And yes, you’re going to say that you know that - and on some level you do, but deep down I know that you’re still afraid. I get it, but… I want…” Adachi took a deep breath. He still had a hard time organizing his thoughts when it came to expressing his feelings out loud. 

In any case, it was probably better to just show Kurosawa. That was why he had prepared the scrapbook, after all. So, Adachi placed one more soft kiss on Kurosawa’s lips and took both his hands, then slowly led them both to sit on the couch. He took the large album in his hands and looked up at Kurosawa, smiling shyly. “I made this while you were away. I hope you’ll like it, and that you’ll understand what I’m trying to say,” he said, handing it out to his boyfriend.

With somewhat shaky hands, Kurosawa took the scrapbook and cradled it on his lap. Adachi shifted closer until their thighs were pressed together. The book’s cover was rather simple, blue with a golden tree in the middle. The design had really stood out to him in the store, in the middle of all those other books with random quotes on the cover, and Adachi loved the simplicity of it. 

Adachi was barely breathing as he watched Kurosawa’s fingers trail gently over the golden tree before opening the album. On the first page, written in beautiful calligraphy, were the words “思い出が宝物 ~ Memories are treasures” surrounded by a few drawings of fireworks, reminiscent of that Christmas night when they had vowed to be together forever. 

Adachi’s memories with Kurosawa were indeed all little treasures, and he had made sure this album showcased all of them. Between little drawings and pictures of them were all those mementos Adachi had kept over the months. There was the amusement park ticket from their first practice date, the little thank you note Kurosawa had given him at work after the Mont Blanc incident, business cards from restaurants where Kurosawa had taken him, more tickets to various places they had visited together - aquariums, gondolas, temples…

“I didn’t know you kept all that stuff,” Kurosawa said, voice wavering and filled with wonder as his fingers traced the ribbon from the chocolates he had made for Adachi for their first Valentine’s Day together. 

“Well, you’re not the only sentimental one,” Adachi conceded, leaning against Kurosawa’s shoulder. “I’m just more quiet about it.”

“This is amazing,” Kurosawa breathed out after going through a few more pages. “You’re amazing.” He closed his eyes and rested his head against Adachi’s. Adachi could feel him shaking slightly, and he didn’t need to look at him to know he was holding back tears. 

“Don’t cry just yet,” he said, wrapping one arm around Kurosawa’s waist and turning his head just enough to place a soft kiss on his boyfriend’s cheek.

Kurosawa let out a wet chuckle and leaned back to glance at Adachi. “Yet, you say.”

Adachi shrugged and smiled. “Well. I know you, after all.” He rested his chin on Kurosawa’s shoulder and tightened his hold on his waist a little. “Come on, you’re only halfway through it,” he nudged Kurosawa gently.

Together, they went through the next pages, laughing at certain memories, exchanging soft kisses at others. Kurosawa kept marvelling at how beautifully everything was arranged, how many mementos Adachi had kept, and how adorable all his little doodles were - and Adachi kept rolling his eyes fondly, burying his face against Kurosawa’s shoulders a few times to try and hide how furiously he was blushing.

Truthfully, while his nerves had calmed down a little after Kurosawa had started looking through the scrapbook, Adachi was beginning to feel really anxious again now that they were almost at the end. His fingers itched with the urge to reach behind the pillows and grab the little box, and just do this so he could finally breathe again. 

But no, not yet. Adachi had a plan, and that plan included waiting until Kurosawa got to the very last pages. And when he finally did, Adachi could swear his heart was beating out of his chest.

“Kiyoshi… This is… You drew this?” Kurosawa asked, his eyes fixated on the book. His fingers brushed the drawing on the left page, slowly and carefully, as though he was worried the paper might turn into dust under his touch. 

“I just… It’s a nice picture of us, isn’t it?” Adachi replied, his voice barely above a whisper as he didn’t trust it right now. To end the scrapbook, Adachi had redrawn his favorite photo of the two of them. It had been nerve-wracking, because he very rarely had the confidence to draw anything so detailed and realistic - and whenever that had happened he definitely hadn’t shown anyone.

But for Kurosawa… He had decided to take that leap. The original photo was one Tsuge had taken of them about two months ago, when they had all been hanging out at Adachi’s and Kurosawa’s place for a movie night. Adachi had felt comfortable enough around them to lay his head in Kurosawa’s lap, and he hadn’t even noticed Tsuge taking a picture until his friend had sent it to him. “You two are really cute,” Tsuge had written, and Adachi had wanted to bang his head on the table - how had Tsuge become so mushy too - but then again… That photo was really nice. Because they both had been unaware of it, they looked completely relaxed and happy in it. Kurosawa’s hand was in Adachi’s hair, and Adachi almost looked like he was about to fall asleep. 

Somehow, this sneaky picture managed to capture just how relaxed, warm and safe his relationship with Kurosawa made him feel. So, Adachi treasured it. Of course, when he had sent it to Kurosawa, the man had gushed over it and immediately made it his phone’s wallpaper… But, well, at least it meant he loved the photo as well.

“I mean… It’s not as good as the original,” Adachi said again. Kurosawa was being too quiet and while deep down Adachi knew he was probably just processing, it was still making him incredibly nervous. “That’s why I printed it as well.” He pointed towards the side table, on which the picture sat, surrounded by a nice, silver frame. “But, I thought I could—”

He was cut off by Kurosawa’s arms wrapping around him so tightly it took his breath away. He gasped in surprise, but Kurosawa only tightened his hold. “I’m not gonna let you put yourself down. Kiyoshi, this is incredible… I had no idea you were so talented— I mean, I knew, but—”

“I don’t draw like this often,” Adachi interrupted. “I generally don’t feel up to it, but… I wanted to try.”

Kurosawa backed away enough to look at him, his eyes shining with awe and unshed tears. “Thank you.”

So many answers came to Adachi’s mind, so many things he wanted to tell Kurosawa - how much more confident he felt thanks to him, how happy he was to be with him, how he would do anything to make him smile… But that would probably be redundant with what was on the very last page, next to the drawing. And really, Adachi didn’t trust he could say all this without stumbling on his words about a hundred times. That was the reason he had written all of it down, after all.

“I wrote you a letter,” he said simply, nodding towards the scrapbook. Kurosawa’s eyes followed his gaze, falling on the words written on the right page. “You should read it.”

Kurosawa looked back up at him. “Now?” Adachi nodded quickly. He felt the loss of warmth as Kurosawa straightened up so he could properly hold the book, and braced himself for the next part of his plan. He shifted slowly on the couch while Kurosawa’s attention was on the letter, his hand discreetly reaching back behind the pillows and closing around the red box, clenching tightly around it. He waited, watching Kurosawa’s face as he read, reciting every word inside his own head.

Adachi’s heart was beating so fast it made him feel slightly dizzy, but his resolve was stronger than ever. He took a deep breath, trying to settle his nerves as he watched Kurosawa brush away the tears that had already escaped his eyes, and opened the box in his hands, revealing the two platinum bands just as Kurosawa turned to look at him.

“K— Kiyoshi?” Kurosawa rarely ever stuttered; he was very clearly overwhelmed. His eyes were wide and disbelieving, a stray tear running down his cheek as he looked from Adachi to the box in his lap. He rested one hand over his heart, his chest heaving slightly with how quickly he was breathing. “Are you— What—”

Adachi suddenly realized he was still sitting on the couch. “Ah, wait, I need to do this properly,” he stammered while scrambling to get down on one knee. At least it made Kurosawa let out a wet chuckle, and when Adachi looked back up at his boyfriend, his eyes were definitely shining with joy through the tears. Adachi smiled up at him, feeling himself start to tear up as well, and took a deep breath.

“The pen you gave me is something I hold so dear to my heart, and I know I always will. I’m not trying to replace it. But I know that the reason you didn’t get us rings back then was because you thought I would be too embarrassed to wear one - and you were right. You’ve always been able to read me so well… I was so grateful back then that you were so careful of my feelings. But I’m not scared anymore. I’ve never been happier than by your side, Yuichi, and I’m so proud and thankful to be with you, to be loved by you. So… I thought it was time to truly live up to the promise I made you. Hopefully one day we can actually get married, but until then… I hope this shows you that I am here to stay. I love you, Yuichi, I want to spend my life with you. Please, be with me forever,” he said, his last words echoing those Kurosawa had told him on that Christmas night all those months ago.

Kurosawa was staring at him, awestruck, tears falling freely from his eyes, and while Adachi’s heart was threatening to jump out of his chest he still waited patiently for his boyfriend to fully comprehend what was happening. He knew Kurosawa had caught up with the moment when he let out a choked sob, and carefully set down the scrapbook on the couch. Then, before Adachi could take another breath, Kurosawa gently grabbed his wrist and pulled him up into a somewhat awkward, yet crushing hug. 

“Is that a yes?” Adachi tried, for levity, while Kurosawa was laughing and sobbing against his neck.

Kurosawa pulled back slightly, rubbing at his eyes and shaking his head in fond disbelief. “Yes. Of course. Did you really doubt it?” His smile was brighter than ever, and it made something clench painfully in Adachi’s chest, like he was falling in love with Kurosawa all over again.

“Not really,” Adachi replied, trying to sound cheeky, though really he was fighting back tears of his own. He glanced at the box still in his hand, then at Kurosawa, and bit his lip. “May I?”

Kurosawa nodded quickly and held out his left hand. Adachi cradled it in its own as he set the box on the coffee table next to them. “I wasn’t sure what size would fit you… But I thought a little bigger than mine should work,” he said quietly as he took out the larger of the two rings. He held it in between them, then shyly looked up at Kurosawa. “I also… had something engraved inside.” Kurosawa raised his eyebrows and leaned forward slightly to be able to read the small writing inside the ring.

2020.12.24 - 愛結び 

“Our first Christmas, and… a love knot?” Kurosawa breathed out.

Adachi bit his lip once more, shifting a little on the couch. “Well. To me, today is just a reminder of our promise on that Christmas night. That was when we really got en— engaged, I feel,” he stammered. “As for the rest… Do you remember? The song at the restaurant, on our New Year’s trip?”

They hadn’t been able to spend their first New Year’s Eve together, but Kurosawa had taken Adachi on a short trip to a onsen town in Gunma on New Year’s Day. It had been amazing in many ways, and Adachi would never forget it. On the first night there, as they had been having dinner in the hotel restaurant, a song had started playing that had them both slightly flustered at how much the lyrics made them think about each other and their promise from that Christmas night.

“I remember,” Kurosawa said. “I didn’t think you did.”

“Well, I… Back then, I wasn’t really comfortable with all this stuff yet. But I looked it up afterwards and I just… I liked how it made me feel? How it made me think about you? And so, when I was buying the rings it just - it felt right. The idea of our lives being forever tied together, you know… It’s nice.”

Kurosawa’s smile softened, and he had a dreamy look in his eyes. “It certainly is.”

Adachi let out a breathless chuckle and lifted Kurosawa’s hand between them. “Anyway… Let me.” Slowly, he slipped the ring around Kurosawa’s finger, exhaling in relief when it fit perfectly. He looked up at his boyfriend - fiancé - and held his gaze as he brought Kurosawa’s hand to his lips, placing a soft kiss on the ring. 

Yet another choked sound escaped Kurosawa’s throat, and he leaned forward, resting his forehead against Adachi’s for a few moments. “My turn,” he breathed out eventually, and Adachi pulled back, nodding as his heart started racing again.

Adachi watched in awe as Kurosawa delicately took his hand and reached out for the second ring. Their eyes met and Kurosawa exhaled softly. “I love you. So much,” he said, voice unsteady, then looked down at their hands, slipping the ring around Adachi’s finger. Kurosawa slowly rubbed his thumb over the ring afterwards, and it felt so heartbreakingly tender that Adachi’s eyes immediately filled up with tears.

When Kurosawa looked up again, he gently cupped Adachi’s cheek with his free hand, brushing away some of the tears that had escaped his eyes before pulling him into a soft, loving kiss. Adachi’s hand tightened around Kurosawa’s, his other one grabbing onto the lapels of his shirt, holding him close. They kissed like that for a while, Adachi melting against Kurosawa, as his mind swirled with pure joy, elation and relief. He had done it. Everything had gone perfectly; he hadn’t even stumbled on his words that much, and most importantly, Kurosawa seemed happy. 

Even though he couldn’t read the man’s thoughts anymore, Adachi could see it in Kurosawa’s eyes as they parted. The sheer happiness, the love, the gratitude in his eyes were so potent it made Adachi’s heart skip a beat. Mirroring what Adachi had done before, Kurosawa lifted Adachi’s hand to brush his lips against his ring. 

“I have to say… I’m feeling pretty overwhelmed right now,” Kurosawa admitted, his lips moving softly against Adachi’s knuckles.

Adachi let out a soft chuckle. “As long as it’s in a good way…”

“Definitely,” Kurosawa said, lowering their joined hands and grabbing Adachi’s other one. He held them both tightly in between them and took a deep breath. “I was… clearly not expecting all this when coming home tonight. Kiyoshi, this is amazing. Everything you’ve done… Those picture frames, this beautiful album, and then the rings, I just— I feel like the luckiest man ever. Do I even deserve—”

“Stop. You deserve all of this and more. Didn’t you read my letter? Do you know how much you’ve changed my life? Yuichi…” Adachi looked down for a second, exhaling sharply before meeting Kurosawa’s eyes once more. “You don’t need to overthink this. I’m not doing this because I feel like I should or anything… I just love you. You make me feel so safe, I wish you could feel safe with me too. I’m here to stay. There’s nothing in this world that could make me want to leave your side.”

Kurosawa shook his head slowly, looking like he couldn’t believe what he was hearing. Letting go of Adachi’s hand, he pulled him in a tight embrace. Adachi went willingly, shifting on the couch until he was snuggled in Kurosawa’s arms, his head resting on his boyfriend’s chest, just above his heart. Kurosawa’s face was buried in his hair, and Adachi felt him place a few kisses on the top of his head.

“I do feel safe with you,” Kurosawa said quietly. “It’s just… I can’t help being afraid sometimes. I never expected you to love me back after all, so there are moments when I wonder if I’m not just dreaming. I know it’s not rational… I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to worry you.”

Adachi shook his head fondly and poked Kurosawa’s arm. “Tsk. Like I’d be one to judge you for having irrational fears.” He heard his boyfriend’s chuckle echo through his chest against his ear and smiled. “I do understand. After all, I tell myself the same things sometimes, but… Every day, you prove to me that this is real, and I know deep down that we will last. I guess… I don’t pretend that what I did today will magically make your fears disappear, but… Maybe whenever you get worried, you can simply look at your ring and remember that I’m not going anywhere.”

“I’ll certainly do that,” Kurosawa replied, kissing the top of Adachi’s head again. “Can I request something?”

“Huh? Sure.”

“Can you keep making scrapbooks? This one is really amazing… It would be so nice to keep documenting our memories like that.”

Adachi laughed and turned a little in Kurosawa’s embrace so he could look at him. “Tell you what. We’ll do the next one together, okay?”

“I don’t have your flair for design or your artistic skills, though.”

“Well you can always help choose the photos.”

“...Are you sure you want me to choose the photos?” Kurosawa asked slowly, the glint in his eyes making it pretty obvious who the main subject of the photos would be.

Adachi rolled his eyes at his ridiculous boyfriend. “I guess I’ll have to give you guidelines then. Not more than one picture of me alone for each memory.”

“You’re being unfair,” Kurosawa pouted.

“Hmm, maybe.” Adachi leaned in to kiss him softly. “Too bad you’re stuck with me.”

“I’ll live,” Kurosawa chuckled against Adachi’s lips. “Besides, you’re stuck with me too.”

“Dammit, what have I done?” Adachi whispered before closing the distance between them again. He shifted slowly, never breaking the kiss as he rearranged himself until he was straddling Kurosawa’s lap. Kurosawa’s arms were secure around his waist, holding him close, and Adachi melted into his embrace. He deepened the kiss, threading his fingers through Kurosawa’s hair so he could hear the soft moan his boyfriend always let out when he did this. He could feel the weight of his ring around his finger, the way it seemed to radiate warmth all the way to his heart, making it overflow with joy and happiness.

They kissed like that for a while, slow and intimate, until it became more - more intense, more urgent, more desperate. It always happened so naturally with them that Adachi could never pinpoint a moment when the mood shifted - but it didn’t matter. All that mattered was the warmth radiating from Kurosawa’s body, the feel of Kurosawa’s hands slipping underneath Adachi’s shirt to explore the bare skin of his back - a searing touch that only made Adachi want more and breathe out that wish against Kurosawa’s lips.

It was almost like a well-rehearsed dance - Kurosawa’s hands gripping Adachi’s thighs firmly, Adachi’s legs wrapping themselves around Kurosawa’s waist, Adachi’s lips relentlessly attacking Kurosawa’s neck as he was carried to the bedroom, until they fell together onto the bed in a tangle of limbs, unable to part for even the slightest moment. Clothes were discarded as lips met again in a frenzy, and soon the evening dissolved into heated touches, panted breaths, soft gasps and whispered words of praise.

Later, as they were lying in bed, still slightly sweaty and out of breath, Kurosawa’s left arm loosely wrapped around his waist, Adachi lifted his left hand towards the ceiling and watched the light reflect on the platinum band. 

“It feels nice,” he said idly, tilting his hand at different angles. 

Adachi felt the weight of Kurosawa’s arm around him disappear and watched his boyfriend’s fingers intertwine with his own, both rings shining under the lighting of their bedroom. “It really does,” Kurosawa agreed quietly. He brought their hands down gently and kissed Adachi’s knuckles. “I feel like I’m floating,” Kurosawa chuckled softly. “Tonight has been so… Are you sure I’m not dreaming?”

Rolling his eyes fondly, Adachi shifted onto his side so he was facing Kurosawa, then pinched his sides playfully. Kurosawa let out a sharp yelp and Adachi snorted quietly. “See, not a dream.”

“Mean,” Kurosawa retorted, poking Adachi’s cheek. Adachi didn’t bother replying and simply leaned in to kiss him. They lost themselves in the kiss for a little while before parting, both beaming at each other. “Ah, I do hope we can get married,” Kurosawa breathed out, his fingers brushing some of Adachi’s hair behind his ear. 

Adachi hummed softly in agreement. “I’m sure you already have everything planned out in your head, too,” he teased, and knew he had hit the nail on the head when Kurosawa froze and averted his eyes. “Oh now you have to tell me,” Adachi pressed on eagerly.

“I… It’s embarrassing, though.”

“More embarrassing than that poem you made up in bed two months ago after you drank that alcohol your sister brought back from her vacation?”

Kurosawa choked and poked Adachi’s cheek again. “We agreed never to mention that again.”

“I never agreed to such—” This time, it was Kurosawa who leaned in, and it was another few minutes before Adachi could speak again. “Seriously though… Can you tell me what you had in mind? I really want to know,” he said softly, with no hint of mischief in his voice.

Kurosawa sighed quietly, trying to collect himself, but Adachi could still see a soft blush rise on his cheeks. “Well… I mean, I wasn’t sure what would eventually be possible, or what you would agree with but… I thought it would be nice if we could have a traditional wedding, you know? I just— I think you’d look so beautiful in a black montsuki kimono…”

Adachi’s mind provided him with an image of Kurosawa wearing the same traditional wedding attire, and he had to swallow hard because that was definitely a really nice thought. “I… Hm, yes, you would—”

He was interrupted by Kurosawa’s lips on his own. “I’m talking about you here.”

“Yeah well, sorry if I’d rather think about how attractive you would look.”

Kurosawa gave a breathless smile. “I suppose I can live with it. Then again…” He inched closer, letting his lips brush against Adachi’s ear. “Seeing you tonight… Maybe a more modern ceremony wouldn’t be so bad. You could wear a dark blue, fitted suit… That color really suits you, you know?” His lips traveled slowly along Adachi’s neck, placing feather-like kisses that made shivers run up and down Adachi’s spine. “You’d certainly be testing my self-control, parading before me looking so good all night…”

“Ah yes,” Adachi said breathlessly, squirming a little under Kurosawa’s ministrations. “We all know how flawless that self-control of yours is. Especially the poor intern who had the misfortune of opening the supply closet that time you forgot to close the door.”

“Is that a challenge?” 

“Don’t drag me away at our wedding,” Adachi protested weakly. “Our families will be there.”

“Mmm, maybe I’ll behave then, if you ask nicely,” Kurosawa whispered against his lips - and since when had he been hovering above him? 

Seeing where this was going, Adachi gave his boyfriend a soft kiss but didn’t allow himself to linger. “As much as I’d love to continue, I’m honestly starving,” he said, his thumb gently tracing Kurosawa’s lower lip.

“Don’t tell me you skipped lunch?” Kurosawa asked, the renewed heat in his gaze replaced with concern.

“Not really… But I was nervous, so I wasn’t able to eat much at all.”

Kurosawa shook his head fondly and placed a gentle kiss on Adachi’s forehead. “You’re cute,” he said quietly. “Like I would be anything but incredibly happy with your surprise.”

Adachi opened his mouth to protest that it wasn’t necessarily rational, but he decided against it. Kurosawa knew it full well after all, considering how supportive he’d been whenever his anxiety got the best of him. “Anyway,” he exhaled. “I bought some meat that I thought we could grill… What do you say, yakiniku and then back to bed? And then we’ll have all night and all weekend to ourselves,” Adachi said, his fingers softly thrumming Kurosawa’s chest. 

“Hmm, tempting,” Kurosawa replied, kissing him again.

“I also got a cake, but we can always eat it later in bed…” Adachi caught the glint in his boyfriend’s gaze and rolled his eyes. “Not like that.” Kurosawa just shrugged innocently and Adachi laughed. “Alright you, let me get up so we can have dinner.”

“Yes, yes, let’s replenish our energy for later,” Kurosawa replied, winking as he got off Adachi and out of the bed. 

“You’re impossible,” Adachi chuckled, grabbing the robe Kurosawa was handing him. 

Kurosawa laughed softly before his smile turned warm and loving. “And yet, you want to marry me.”

Adachi stepped closer to wrap his arms around Kurosawa’s neck, feeling impossibly fond. “I do,” he said, beaming up at Kurosawa. “I really do.” 

Kurosawa let out a wet chuckle and rested his forehead against Adachi’s. “I really want to marry you too.”

“Hmm. How about we do both? A traditional ceremony and a modern one? I’m not sure I want to choose between the two.”

“I certainly wouldn’t mind.” His smile turned slightly mischievous. “I hope we can do it soon… I already have some ideas for my vows.”

“Do I even want to know?” Adachi asked warily.

“My dearest, sweetest Kiyoshi… I vow to love you forever, even if you turn bald—”

“Alright!” Adachi interrupted, stepping back and out of Kurosawa’s embrace. “Let’s just go eat.” 

Laughing, Kurosawa followed him out of the bedroom, grabbing his left hand as they stepped inside the kitchen. Adachi felt the tip of one of Kurosawa’s fingers trace the edge of his ring and he squeezed his boyfriend’s hand slightly. When he looked up, Kurosawa was beaming at him, his smile more blinding than ever.

Rings or not, married or not, their relationship wasn’t going to change. They would still love each other just as much, and enjoy peaceful days together. But if this helped settle down Kurosawa’s fears and make him feel safe, then Adachi was glad he had taken this step. 

Besides, the more he thought about it, the more appealing the image of Kurosawa standing next to him wearing either the traditional montsuki kimono, or a beautiful, well-tailored suit was. Would white or black suit him better for the modern ceremony? In his mind, Kurosawa looked breath-taking in both. He supposed they still had time to think about all this, but somehow now that it had been brought up Adachi found that he was really looking forward to it. 

I can’t wait.

He smiled back at Kurosawa, bright and happy, his nerves almost buzzing with anticipation as a wave of pure love and bliss washed over him.

Soon. I’m sure of it.