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Lots of people attended June’s house party that she didn’t ask for after the Fruity Rumpus Asshole Factory 2 debacle, and though June talked to them all, they also talked among themselves. Here are a few of the more interesting conversations that happened that night which June was not privy to.
Conversation 01: Dave & Half the Polycule
Dave Strider has been welcoming people into June’s house for an hour or two now, but at this point he’s over it and would like to get some time to himself. Despite how cool he always tries to play it, his mind is awash in turbulent emotions, even more so than is usually the case. He was super not excellent to June apparently and he’s been having a hard time figuring out exactly why that is. Or perhaps a better way to put it would be that he’s having a hard time accepting exactly why that is!
So he tells Karkat he needs to be alone, and he passes by Jane with only a short greeting on his way out the back door. Moving a little ways down the back of the house, he slumps into the grass, head in his hands, and tries to figure his shit out.
He is unsuccessful. He’s wrapped up in too many layers of denial to be honest with himself. What he really needs is to talk to someone else, but not someone who loves him, like Karkat or Terezi or his other friends, but someone who doesn’t even fucking know him. That way, if they judge him for his thoughts, it probably won’t hurt as much and he can just never talk to them ever again afterward.
Fortunately for him, the universe is willing to grant him this need, at least this once. The sound of light conversation greets his ears and a moment later three trolls walk out the back door — three trolls that Dave can’t remember if he’s ever seen before. They walk in his direction, not noticing him until they’re almost upon him.
FEFERI: O)(! )(ey, sorry )(uman! We didn’t sea you t)(ere!
FEFERI: )(ow are you doing...
She turns toward her compatriots, biting her lip a little.
FEFERI: (Do eit)(er of you remember t)(is one’s name?)
ARADIA: (yeah i met dead versions of him!)
ARADIA: (thats dave)
Turning back to the glasses-wearing human, Feferi smiles so enthusiastically that it would come off as fake, if it weren’t for the fact that her smiles are incapable of seeming remotely disingenuous.
FEFERI: ...Dave!?
DAVE: nice save
FEFERI: T)(anks!
FEFERI: So )(i, )(ow are you?
FEFERI: Oh wait, are we bot)(ering you? Is sitting against a wall looking miserable a )(uman custom t)(at we’re interrupting?
DAVE: oh hell yeah you are
DAVE: depressive human wall sitting is a fucking institution in human culture
DAVE: and its mad disrespectful that you three are interrupting such a sacred fuckin rite
DAVE: if this was old earth id call the town guard to tar and feather your asses for this transgression
DAVE: but unfortunately this is earth c and they outlawed the practice
DAVE: so all i can do is shame you til you take the fuckin hint and leave me the hell alone
FEFERI: (Is )(e fucking wit)( us?)
(SOLLUX): ye2, obviiou2ly.
ARADIA: i think hes crying out for help
DAVE: oh no the fuck he isnt
FEFERI: Is T)(AT w)(at’s )(appening?? 38D
FEFERI: DAV-E do you need )(elp? ----EMOTIONAL )(elp??
DAVE: nope not even a little bit
DAVE: im super good here actually
(SOLLUX): well you heard the man, let2 get the fuck out of here.
ARADIA: youve literally got tears on your cheeks dave
DAVE: just a part of the wall tradition
DAVE: wouldnt be a good sorrowful wall lean without a couple a fuckin tears like come on
DAVE: also remember that thing about taking a hint i mentioned earlier cause i dont think youve managed to take it yet
(SOLLUX): ii have.
FEFERI: )(ey if you really want us to go, we can!
FEFERI: But two of t)(e t)(ree of us )(ave plenty of moirail experience, and we’re willing to lend it to you in a non-romantic capacity. For FR-E-E, even! I )(ear some )(umans c)(arge for it!
DAVE: what the fuck are you talking about what are these words you’re using is that some sort of troll quadrant bullshit
DAVE: no matter how many times kar explains that shit to me i just cant even try to care about it
(SOLLUX): kar? you two u2e cute niickname2 two? that2 goddamn adorable.
DAVE: wait shit no forget i said that
DAVE: he will fucking hate that i let that out
DAVE: i fucking hate it too goddamn it
ARADIA: its really nothing to feel ashamed about!
ARADIA: correct me if im wrong but havent you two been dating for several years now?
DAVE: probably less time than youd think
DAVE: we just kinda lived together without making anything official for a long time
(SOLLUX): ii2 liiviing together all you diid?
DAVE: dude fuck you what happened to the taking of the hint you supposedly did
(SOLLUX): ii gave iit back after you mentiioned the niickname thiing.
DAVE: well fuckin untake it back
FEFERI: Dave, do you really want us to go? We don’t mind )(elping you out wit)( w)(atever’s going on, and like I tried to say, Aradia and I are experts on talking stuff out!
DAVE: i mean what is there to fucking say
DAVE: you want me to talk about how my best bro shit i mean girl now
DAVE: well she needed me to be there for her today and i acted like a fuckin clown
DAVE: oh goddman it is that offensive to you
DAVE: isnt being a clown some sort of weird troll religion
ARADIA: its not one that any of us practice so dont worry about it
DAVE: cool okay
DAVE: so anyway uh yeah i fucked things up with june when she needed me the most
DAVE: and she acted like it was fine and maybe for her it is but i just feel like a fuckin tool
DAVE: i mean i still feel some sorta weird way about it!
DAVE: why cant i just be fuckin happy for my best friend
FEFERI: W)(at sort of way are you feeling about it?
DAVE: uh i dunno
DAVE: bad
DAVE: jumbled up
DAVE: like some kinda dark fuckin carnival is going on in my insides with like miniature elephants and trapeze artists
(SOLLUX): uh yeah maybe dont 2ay that though.
DAVE: what the elephants
(SOLLUX): no, the dark carniival.
DAVE: sure man whatever you say
DAVE: look i dont know how to describe it
DAVE: i feel happy for her but also it weirds me out and gives me other upsetting feelings but then it pisses me off that i feel that way
DAVE: like what fuckin right do i have to be weirded out by her
DAVE: shes been miserable as hell for a while now and she figured out what was wrong and she fixed it
DAVE: hah goddamn it maybe im just jealous
ARADIA: of her gender?
DAVE: what no
DAVE: that she figured her shit out i guess
DAVE: like i dunno i think all of us mightve had kinda shitty childhoods that fucked us up in ways it took a long time to unpack
DAVE: except i dont know if ive even fully unpacked my shit
DAVE: like ive talked about how my bro treated me and how i feel about that but like
DAVE: its not like i can blame him for why im being weird about junes gender shit
DAVE: i mean dirk is gay so my bro probably was too
DAVE: well shit i mean he definitely was in retrospect
DAVE: so is it his fault it took me so long to accept being gay or bi or whatever i am
DAVE: i dont think so
DAVE: its like i spent a lotta time on the internet in some pretty shitty corners of it and i think it damaged the way i see the world a lot more than i gave it credit for
DAVE: i used to think it was funny making jokes about being gay
DAVE: made em all the time
DAVE: except did i really ever think it was funny or did i just think those were the sorts of jokes a cool dude like me was supposed to make
(SOLLUX): (what the fuck doe2 gay mean?)
FEFERI: (I don’t know but )(e’s on a roll, just let )(im keep going!)
DAVE: like do you have any idea what those parts of the internet called people like june
DAVE: fuckin terrible things
DAVE: and when she came out those words immediately appeared in my head cause that was the main fuckin association i had with the whole transgender concept!
DAVE: how fucked it that!
DAVE: im a terrible person and a terrible friend and june deserves better
JUNE: you two are in a polycule??
Dave leaps to his feet and stares in the direction of the voice as though whoever it belongs to is within seconds of shredding him to ribbons. Three more people have exited the back door, including June, along with the rest of the Aradias/Solluxes/Feferi polycule.
DAVE: shit
DAVE: june what did you hear
JUNE: uh nothing? why, you talking about me?
DAVE:
June was there for the rest of that conversation, so let’s move onto another conversation that was happening around the same time as this one...
Conversation 02: Jadepeta & the Other Half of the Polycule
(ARADIA): nepeta come on you have got to tell us how you two got together!!
NEPETA: :33 < well fine, if you insist! jade, do you mind if i tell the story?
JADE: not at all, be my guest!
NEPETA: :33 < *okay so! a couple of months ago, nepeta was working at a certain cat cafe, as she had b33n fur months.*
NEPETA: :33 < *but that day was destined to be supurr different than all the fun days nepeta had at the cafe befure!*
NEPETA: :33 < *beclaws that day a new volunt33r started working at the cafe! none other than ms harley herself!*
NEPETA: :33 < *meow nepeta immediately thought ms harley was very cute, but nepeta is also historically very very bad at telling anyone how she f33ls about them*
SOLLUX: thats n0t ever been a pr0blem that ive 0bserved.
NEPETA: :33 < telling a cutie how cute they are is very different from telling a friend what a sourpuss they are!
NEPETA: :33 < but fur the record, sollux is a huge sourpuss and jade is a supurr cutie
Jade leans over and presses a kiss to Nepeta’s cheek, prompting the cat troll girl to purr. Aradia clearly finds this display adorable, while Sollux just rolls his eyes.
NEPETA: :33 < *anyway, back to the story! so a new cutie started working with me at the cat cafe, but there was trouble purtty much immediately!*
NEPETA: :33 < *you s33 this cutie was part doggy and she had a very hard time working at a cat-themed cafe with multiple girls wearing cat ears and also actual cats running around*
SOLLUX: why the fuck was she there, then.
(ARADIA): let her tell the story!
NEPETA: :33 < *ms harley started to bark and shout and chase the little kitties around! nepeta didnt want the kitties to get hurt so she tackled ms harley to the ground furrociously!*
JADE: :P
NEPETA: :33 < *the feral kitty and angry doggy rolled around fur a bit, and when they pulled apart the doggy kept barking and chased the kitty out of the cafe!*
NEPETA: :33 < *being supurr clever, the kitty led the doggy to a nearby park, to a large field where not many people were at that time of day*
NEPETA: :33 < *the cat and the dog fought some more! they both used their claws, but nepeta didnt use her deadly ones, beclaws she didnt want to actually kill this cute dog even if the cute dog was a big troublemaker!!*
NEPETA: :33 < *nepeta thought she had finally won when she managed to pin ms harley to the ground, but that was only beclaws she didnt kmeow about the dogs teleporting powers!*
NEPETA: :33 < *those powers ended up making the fight a lot more difficult, but also more fun! the two animals didnt stop fighting until they were so exhausted that they could barely move!*
NEPETA: :33 < *then the two of them lay on the cool grass, panting and sweating and laying next to one another*
(ARADIA): 0_0
NEPETA: :33 < *once nepeta caught her breath, she asked ms harley if she was okay!*
NEPETA: :33 < jade do you remember what you said?
JADE: hah, yes, of course!
JADE: i said—
NEPETA: :33 < no no no! do it rp style!
JADE: oh, of course, sorry!
JADE: *jade said yes, i feel better than ive felt in years*
NEPETA: :33 < and then we made out in the grass fur like an hour!
SOLLUX: w0w.
(ARADIA): thats an amazing story!
SOLLUX: wait but seri0usly, why the fuck did y0u take a j0b at a cat cafe if y0uve g0t s0me kind 0f cat hangup?
JADE: exposure therapy!
SOLLUX: what.
JADE: im part dog, but im fucking sick of bec taking over whenever i hear or see cats! so i was trying to force myself to be around them so i could get acclimated and get over it.
SOLLUX: and h0w did that w0rk 0ut f0r y0u.
JADE: the job? terribly! i was fired immediately when nepeta and i went back.
NEPETA: :33 < me too
(ARADIA): oh no!
(ARADIA): you love cats that place must have been like paradise!
NEPETA: :33 < oh, its okay, they still let me visit! jades banned, though
JADE: which is fine by me. i found a better form of exposure therapy anyway!
NEPETA: :33 < its me! im the exposure therapy!
Wrapping her arms around her matesprit, Jade pulls the kitty troll into a hug and starts kissing her face all over. It is clear to everyone that the exposure therapy has been a rousing success, at least in this very particular case.
SOLLUX: (hey im tired 0f seeing them all 0ver each 0ther. can we g0 find feferi and the 0thers n0w?)
(ARADIA): (you can just admit that seeing them be lovey-dovey makes you miss the rest of the polycule)
SOLLUX: (fuck y0u.)
(ARADIA): (dont talk to me that way, im not your kismesis)
SOLLUX: (...s0rry.)
(ARADIA): hey this has been a lot of fun, but if you two dont mind we are going to go find fef and the others!
JADE: oh yes, sorry, feel free!
NEPETA: :33 < and you have our purmission to tell the other thr33 the story, if you want!
NEPETA: :33 < or you can bring them to me and ill tell it again!
(ARADIA): sounds great!
(ARADIA): talk to you later!
The two of them then left in the direction of the kitchen, where they would end up running into June, which led to her coming across Dave as we saw earlier. After THAT conversation ended and June had absconded, however, it turned out that Dave had a few more things to talk about with his new acquaintances...
Conversation 03: Dave & The Whole Polycule
DAVE: hah wow that was terrifying
DAVE: i dont even remember what i was talking about before that
FEFERI: You said t)(at some terrible words for June came to mind w)(en you saw s)(e’d come out, and because you t)(oug)(t t)(ose words you feel like you’re a terrible friend to )(er.
DAVE: ah
DAVE:
DAVE: yeah
SOLLUX: what is this ab0ut, s0me blackr0m feelings 0r s0mething?
(SOLLUX): dont come iin makiing a22umptiion2 liike that when you mii22ed the fiir2t half of the conver2atiion! come on ii know youre not that 2tupiid.
SOLLUX: eat my entire ass.
(SOLLUX): 2ave the diirty talk for later, babe.
DAVE: okay seeing two versions of the same guy flirting is really weird but also im jealous
SOLLUX: what the fuck, why?
DAVE: well i dunno about you
DAVE: but other you is super open about the whole thing and thats just
DAVE: that ain’t something that comes easy for me
DAVE: it’s hard for karkat too but for him its just cause hes a private person i think
DAVE: but that aint it for me
DAVE: i mean maybe its part of it but mainly the idea of being open about my feelings for another guy around other people is completely fucking terrifying
FEFERI: T)(is is somet)(ing related to t)(e places on t)(e internet you visited as a c)(ild? T)(ere was some sort of )(angup t)(ere about s)(owing affection?
DAVE: kinda but yall dont get it cause trolls dont understand what being gay is i guess
(SOLLUX): (ii2 he fiinally goiing two tell u2 what that mean2?)
DAVE: its like
DAVE: okay how the fuck would rose put this
DAVE: there is a social stigma from old earth surrounding the concept of two people of the same gender being romantically entangled
DAVE: which means lots of people thought it was shit nasty gross
ARADIA: what? why?
(ARADIA): i see n0 difference between that and partners 0f different genders being t0gether.
FEFERI: I agree, love is love!
DAVE: uh
DAVE: i dont know
DAVE:
DAVE: with trolls gender doesnt matter when it comes to making babies right
SOLLUX: what the fuck are babies.
DAVE: oh uh wrigglers
ARADIA: correct! we dont make wrigglers directly with each other but all genders are able to contribute genetic material to the filial pails.
DAVE: those words will never stop sounding insane to me but yeah okay
DAVE: but humans do make babies directly with each other
DAVE: and usually you need a man and a woman to do it
DAVE: so like
DAVE: straight people
DAVE: who are people that are only attracted to the opposite gender
FEFERI: Opposite gender?
DAVE: oh yeah there are more than two i guess
DAVE: goddammit this shit is a lot to keep track of
DAVE: but anyway straight people decided a long time ago that anyone who wasnt like them is bad and worthy of mockery
DAVE: i mean i guess thats what happened im not a fuckin historian
(SOLLUX): your old earth 2ound2 liike a 2trange and terriible place.
DAVE: no disagreement here buddy
DAVE: so anyway the point is the society i lived in told me that it was deviant and evil and wrong for me as a guy to like other guys
DAVE: and thats not even touching on how it felt about trans people
DAVE: and i guess i like internalized all this shit more than i thought cause it aint easy to just let go of even though i dont wanna hold onto it
DAVE: its like ive got a booger on my finger and the booger is homophobia
DAVE: and im shaking my hand and wiping it on the wall and the couch and wherever i can fuckin reach but every time i check theres still a fucking booger on my goddamn finger
DAVE: a homophobic fuckin booger
DAVE: i just want the booger off already im so tired
FEFERI: Okay w)(ale t)(at’s a terrible metap)(or, and also your old society was weird and wrong about t)(is gay t)(ing. None of us t)(ink you’re weird for )(aving a boyfriend w)(o you love, rig)(t?
THE REST OF THE POLYCULE: not at all! / n0 / nah / n0 0f c0urse n0t!
DAVE: hah thanks i guess
DAVE: i mean i know youre all right about it
DAVE: i dont know why i cant just accept who i am and not feel ashamed of it
ARADIA: who you are is a gay man?
DAVE: i mean i like girls too so uh
DAVE: bi i guess
ARADIA: so you are a bi man then?
DAVE:
DAVE: sure
(ARADIA): y0u s0und unsure.
DAVE:
DAVE: maybe
SOLLUX: im c0nfused. youre n0t the bi thing?
DAVE: nah that parts right
FEFERI: 38O
FEFERI: Is it t)(e MAN part t)(at’s wrong?
DAVE:
DAVE:
DAVE: i dunno
All members of the polycule are suddenly much closer to Dave than he would frankly prefer. Well, except for Sollux, who hasn’t moved at all. Feferi takes Dave’s hands in her own, and though part of him wants to pull away, he doesn’t.
FEFERI: DAV----E, is it not just June t)(at’s trans, but YOU too?
DAVE: fuck youre all close uh um
DAVE: i dont know
DAVE: maybe
DAVE: i like being a guy sometimes tho
DAVE: well its not like ive talked to june so maybe this isnt true but like i dont think she ever enjoys feeling like a guy
(SOLLUX): 2o what, you feel liike a guy 2ometiime2 and 2omethiing el2e other tiime2?
DAVE: uh yeah actually
DAVE: a guy sometimes and a uh
DAVE: um
DAVE: a girl other times
(SOLLUX): niice, welcome two the club.
DAVE: wait really
DAVE: i thought you were just
DAVE: ive only ever seen
(SOLLUX): thii2 ii2 the fiir2t tiime weve ever actually talked.
DAVE: yeah okay fair
(SOLLUX): but yeah, riight now iim a guy, but 2ometiime2 ii feel liike iim part giirl.
DAVE: what about him
SOLLUX: i d0nt know, d0nt fucking rush me!
ARADIA: thats a good point!
ARADIA: sollux has been sure of his identity pretty much since merging
ARADIA: but sol is still figuring himself out, and hes not in a rush about it
ARADIA: if youre not sure about things you dont have to be in a rush to make any decisions either!
DAVE: huh
DAVE: yeah
DAVE: but so like you can just be a guy sometimes but a girl other times
DAVE: what about your body though
DAVE: like i cant just change my body back and forth
(SOLLUX): that2 one of the rea2on2 you 2hould giive thii2 2ome thought.
(SOLLUX): the 2hort an2wer ii2 you choo2e what body work2 be2t for you.
DAVE: so what just choose if i wanna keep the dick or have boobs or whatever?
DAVE: wanting to be a boy and a girl doesnt mean i have to like be as half one and half the other as possible?
DAVE: be like fuckin two-face but the ugly side is a beautiful woman
(SOLLUX) you lo2t me wiith 2ome of that, but no, choo2e what make2 you mo2t comfortable. change thiing2 more than once iif you have two. iit2 a fuckiin proce22 and your feeliing2 can change over tiime.
DAVE: okay well this is all well and good and its cool that you five are chill about this stuff but like
DAVE: what if no one else is
DAVE: what if junes like nah dude you gotta choose one or the other and youre a greedy asshole for thinking otherwise
DAVE: what if rose is like actually freud says that wanting to be both means you secretly want to bang you mom AND your bro you sick fuck
DAVE: what if terezi says shes really happy she jumped ship off the ol dave express before it fuckin wrecked itself and fell off gender bridge into a goddamn abyss
DAVE: what if
DAVE:
DAVE: what if karkat doesnt love me anymore
Despite or maybe because of how stupid he’s being, Feferi pulls Dave into a big hug. Given her height, this results in him being pressed into her ample chest. Normally he would be embarrassed about this, but given its obscuring the tears rolling down his cheeks, he’s actually quite happy about it.
FEFERI: O)(, )(ON-EY! I don’t know you friends as w)(ale, but I do know Terezi and Karkat. If Terezi said anyt)(ing like t)(at it would just be blackrom flirting and s)(e’d feel terrible once s)(e realized s)(e actually upset you.
FEFERI: And Karkat would never stop loving you over somet)(ing like t)(is. T)(at little ball of rage is full of )(eart, and if you’ve been living wit)( )(im for years now you )(AV-E to know )(e’s going to do everyt)(ing in )(is power to )(elp you t)(roug)( t)(is.
She pulls away, as do the others, allowing Dave some room to breathe and collect himself.
DAVE: ...heh yeah i guess
DAVE:
DAVE: thanks
DAVE: to all of you really
DAVE: does this uh
DAVE: are we all friends now?
THE POLYCULE: yes! / eh / Y---ES!!!! / yeah / yes!!
(SOLLUX): come on dude.
SOLLUX: fine, yeah, i guess s0.
DAVE: dope
DAVE: well i think im actually gonna get back to wall sitting
DAVE: but now its not depressive wall sitting its like
DAVE: thoughtful wall sitting
DAVE: the kind where you cry some but its just cause youre feeling a lot of emotions and not because youre actually sad
ARADIA: do you want us to stay with you?
DAVE: i mean you dont have to
DAVE: but if anyone wants to sit or stand in silence while i try to pull myself together enough to not look like a complete fuckin disaster in front of my friends then feel free
(SOLLUX): iif youre all fiine wiith iit, pretty 2ure 2ol would liike two go back iin2iide, 2o iill go wiith hiim.
SOLLUX: hes right.
ARADIA: ill go too!
(ARADIA): id like t0 stay
FEFERI: Me too!
FEFERI: You don’t mind if t)(e two of us stay, Dave?
DAVE: its cool
DAVE: like for real
DAVE: feel like ive said that a lot today and been told it sounds like im lying every time
The polycule physically splits up again, while Dave slides back down the wall with a sigh. (Aradia) and Feferi sit next to him, holding each other’s hands, and the other three head back inside. Laying his arms on his knees, Dave contemplates the conversation he just had and what it means for his identity. And though it’s still scary, this time, he feels like he can handle it.
Meanwhile, June returns to her girlfriends to hear the tail end of a conversation that she also heard the first few words of. That conversation can be found in full below.
Conversation 04: Kanaya & Vriska
VRISKA: So Kanaya. About you 8locking and crushing on me.
KANAYA: Fuck
KANAYA: Maybe We Could Talk Not About That
VRISKA: Oh, we’re definitely gonna fucking talk a8out it!!!!!!!!
VRISKA: You’ve 8een ignoring me for weeks!
KANAYA: Well
KANAYA: I Was Dealing With
KANAYA: Things
VRISKA: Things, huh?
VRISKA: We both know you mean Eg8ert. You 8locked me and ignored my attempts to reach out just 8ecause you were crushing on another girl!?
KANAYA: She Was Going Through A Lot And She Required My Assistance
KANAYA: Being Enamored With Her Has Nothing To Do With It
VRISKA: Nothing to do with it. Sure, we’ll go with that lie if you want.
VRISKA: It doesn’t matter anyway, 8ecause she’s figured her shit out now!
VRISKA: Also we’re in person, so there’s no 8lock 8utton to save you.
TEREZI: 1 M34N SH3 COULD JUST L34V3
VRISKA: Don’t you fucking start!!!!!!!!
TEREZI: H3H3H3H3
KANAYA: Fine Vriska
KANAYA: If We Must Talk We Will Talk
KANAYA: I Apologize For Blocking You
KANAYA:
KANAYA: There We Are Finished
VRISKA: Oh no we fucking aren’t!
VRISKA: If you think you’re getting out of talking a8out crushing on me you have another thing coming!
KANAYA: Fine
KANAYA: I Had Red Feelings For You Once
KANAYA: Then I Stopped
KANAYA: Are We Done Now
VRISKA: No!!!!!!!!
VRISKA: How long!? When!? Why!?
KANAYA: For A Sweep Or Two
KANAYA: Before We Played Sgrub Up Until You Kissed Tavros
KANAYA: The Why Of It Has Been Lost To Time
KANAYA: I Can No Longer Recall Why I Would Ever Be So Foolish
VRISKA: ::::(
TAVROS: hEY, i HEARD SOMEONE SAY MY NAME,
VRISKA: Fuck 8ff T8vros!!!!!!!!
TAVROS: wOW OKAY, i’M FEELING REALLY ATTACKED RIGHT NOW, aND I THINK I DID NOTHING TO DESERVE IT,
VRISKA: Did nothing to deserve it???????? You’re 8utting in on a private fucking conversation, 8uddy!
TAVROS: hM, yOU KNOW VRISKA, yOU SAY YOU’VE CHANGED, bUT I THINK YOU’RE ACTUALLY STILL VERY MEAN, aND I’VE DECIDED I’M NOT GOING TO PUT UP WITH IT,
VRISKA: Goddammn 8t, look, I’m s8rry! I’m frustrated r8ght now and it’s got nothing to d8 with you!
VRISKA: I’m just—
VRISKA: I’m sorry I y8lled, okay?
TAVROS: wELL THAT DOES SOUND PRETTY GENUINE, bUT I HAVE BEEN TRICKED BY YOU BEFORE,
TAVROS: mANY, mANY TIMES, aCTUALLY,
ROSE: Far be it from me to insert myself into this, but for what it’s worth, I believe she means it.
ROSE: My wife is doing an excellent job of getting under her skin, so she’s extra sensitive at this particular moment in time.
TAVROS: i THINK THAT, aCTUALLY, vRISKA IS ALWAYS SENSITIVE,
TAVROS: tHAT’S WHY SHE LASHES OUT ALL THE TIME,
TAVROS: uSUALLY AT ME IN PARTICULAR,
ROSE: I tend to agree.
VRISKA: Hey Tavros, I swear I’m not trying to be mean, 8ut I’m a8out to fucking strangle you if you don’t fuck right the hell off right now.
TAVROS: oKAY, i’LL GO, bUT I’M DOING THIS FOR ME, aND NOT BECAUSE YOU TOLD ME TO DO IT,
TAVROS: iF ANYONE BESIDES VRISKA WANTS TO TALK, gCATAV AND I ARE JUST RIGHT OVER THERE,
KANAYA: Thank You For The Invite
TAVROS: wITH ERIDAN
KANAYA: I Rescind My Statement
Tavros walks back over to a sneezing Gcatavrosprite and a bored Eridan, a smile on his face. All eight of Vriska’s eyes watch him as he goes, then snap back to Kanaya once he’s gone.
VRISKA: Now that th8t a8solute stupidity is 8ver with...
VRISKA: Where the f8ck were we?
KANAYA: You Were Unhappy About The Regret I Expressed Over Having Once Held Red Feelings For You
VRISKA: That’s not—
VRISKA: It’s more the way you said it! Like the idea of having feelings for me is... is something unfathomable. Is the idea that I’m lovable so outlandish?
TEREZI: >:[
ROSE:
( ͡° ʖ̯ ͡°)
KANAYA:
KANAYA: I Apologize
KANAYA: The Idea That Someone
KANAYA: Including My Past Self
KANAYA: Might Have Feelings For You
KANAYA: Red Or Otherwise
KANAYA: Is No Surprise
KANAYA: You Are A Magnetic Woman
KANAYA: It Just So Happens Our Magnetism Is Now Repulsive In Nature
KANAYA: Magnetically Repulsive To Clarify
KANAYA: You Are Not Repulsive
VRISKA: ...I get it.
VRISKA: So okay, fine, you don’t like me that way anymore.
VRISKA: 8ut why the hell didn’t you ever tell me? It’s 8een years!
KANAYA: Because I Did Not Owe It To You
KANAYA: And I Did Not Want To
KANAYA: That Seems Reason Enough
VRISKA: Ugh, whatever, fine!
VRISKA: Well, you still 8locked me after 8asically spilling the 8eans — for WEEKS — and that was a load of hoof8eastshit!
KANAYA: Yes You Have Made Your Feelings On The Blocking Event Quite Clear
KANAYA: I Have Apologized And Have Nothing More To Say On The Matter
KANAYA: Do You Have Anything Else To Say Beyond Voicing Complaints Or Are We Done Here
VRISKA: I!
VRISKA: Well!
VRISKA: ........
VRISKA: Ugh I j8st, like... wanted t8 talk a8out it????????
KANAYA: We Are Talking
KANAYA: What Is Left To Say
VRISKA: It’s just—!
VRISKA: This whol8 thing got so confront8ional and I d8dn’t want th8t!
VRIKSA: I just wanted th8 two of us to talk, on8-on-one pr8fera8ly, so I co8ld...
VRISKA: I w8s just going to s8y that I........ hadacrushonyoutooonce.
KANAYA: What
VRISKA: UGH, I said I had 8 crush on y8u too, onc8!!!!!!!!
KANAYA:
VRISKA:
KANAYA: When
VRISKA: You know, 8ack when yo8 sliced Eridan 8n half!
VRISKA: Shit w8s hot, not g8nna lie.
ERIDAN:
VRISKA: Fuck off fish 8oy I’m not accepting anymore interruptions.
KANAYA: Why
KANAYA: Why Did You Not Say Anything
VRISKA: Oh that’s fucking rich!!!!!!!!
VRISKA: You said you weren’t into me anymore by then anyway, right? So what does it fucking matter!?
KANAYA: I
KANAYA: Suppose It Does Not
KANAYA:
VRISKA:
JUNE: hey everyone, how’s it been going over here?
ROSE: Very well.
TEREZI: 4M4Z1NG
KANAYA: It Has Been
KANAYA: Taxing
KANAYA: Vriska Would You Be Open To Discussing Things At A Later Date
KANAYA: One On One
VRISKA: ...Yeah, sure.
VRISKA: Gotta un8lock me first, though.
KANAYA: Of Course
Kanaya pulls her palmhusk out, while Vriska looks over at Terezi. Delicious recognition and irritation flashes across Vriska’s pretty face, even though she tries to hide it.
KANAYA: Done.
VRISKA: Okay, cool. Thanks.
VRISKA: You wanna go, then, Terezi?
TEREZI: GO? L1K3 L34V3 TH3 P4RTY?
VRISKA: No! I just meant go talk to someone else.
TEREZI: OH, 1 GU3SS
TEREZI: F1ND M3 L4T3R, THOUGH, JUN3! 1 W4NT TO CH4T
JUNE: sure! you gonna stick around for a while, then?
TEREZI: YOU KNOW 1T
TEREZI: SO M4NY TH1NGS 1N TH1S HOUSE TH4T 1 H4V3N'T L1CK3D Y3T
JUNE: goddamn it, have you really been going that or is this more blackrom flirting?
TEREZI: H3H3H3H3
Hopping up from her stair seat, Terezi walks away with Vriska in tow, offering June no further elaboration. It’s not as if any is needed, Terezi’s been making herself abundantly clear.
As she and Vriska puts sufficient distance between themselves and those they’d just been talking to, Vriska leans in and whispers.
VRISKA: (What’re you up to?)
TEREZI: (NOTH1NG CURR3NTLY)
VRISKA: (Dammit, you know what I mean, what WERE you up to? You didn’t say a single thing after June left until she got 8ack.)
TEREZI: (JUST US1NG S33R POW3RS TO SPY ON PR1V4T3 CONV3RS4T1ONS)
VRISKA: (Oh. So you weren’t listening to the whole thing with Kanaya and me?)
TEREZI: (NO 1 US3D MY POW3RS TO H34R TH4T TOO)
VRISKA: (Ugh, of course you did.)
VRISKA: ( )
VRISKA: (Did I come off as a total asshole?)
TEREZI: (JUST 4 P4RT14L ON3)
VRISKA: (Gee, thanks.)
TEREZI: (K4N4Y4 S41D SH3 W4NTS TO T4LK L4T3R, WHY 4R3 YOU ST1LL FR34K1NG OUT?)
VRISKA: (I don’t know! It just didn’t go like I planned it!)
TEREZI: (DO3S 1T 3V3R)
VRISKA: (Sometimes!!!!!!!!)
TEREZI: (SOUNDS F4K3 BUT OK4Y)
TEREZI: ( )
TEREZI: (YOU ST1LL TOT4LLY H4V3 4 CRUSH ON H3R, DON’T YOU?)
NEPETA: :33 < whatre you two whispurring about??
Vriska nearly jumps ten feet in the air while blushing furiously, which ALMOST makes up for Nepeta’s untimely interruption.
VRISKA: Nothing!!
NEPETA: :33 < *nepeta eyes the nervous spider with suspicion, her tail shifting back and furth*
VRISKA: There’s nothing to 8e suspicious a8out, cut it out!
TEREZI: *T3R3Z1 STR3TCH3S H3R 3L3G4NT W1NGS 4ND GR1NS 4T N3P3T4, D1SPL4Y1NG H3R M1GHTY 4ND SH4RP T33TH*
NEPETA: :33 < and im done roleplaying meow
TEREZI: >:[
NEPETA: :33 < youre always mean when you roleplay! both of you are!
JADE: are you two harassing my girlfriend? i can drop your asses on the moon, dont tempt me!
VRISKA: Oh yeah, you two are together.
JADE: we told you that literally an hour ago!
VRISKA: I’ve got a lot on my mind, okay!?
NEPETA: :33 < do you two wanna hear the story of how we got together?
TEREZI: ONLY 1F YOU T3LL 1T D1FF3R3NT TH1S T1M3!
NEPETA: :33 < ummm...?
TEREZI: G1V3 MOR3 GR1TTY D3T41LS 4ND STUFF
NEPETA: :33 < okay well i dont kmeow how you kmeow the amount of details i gave befure
NEPETA: :33 < or how you even kmeow i told the story befure
NEPETA: :33 < but okay! that sounds fun!!
And then Nepeta proceeds to tell the story all over again, adding more details and warding off Terezi whenever she tries to insert herself into the story to spice it up, because she doesn’t like fun as much as she claims to.