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Kieran hadn’t come into work that day.
Nor the day after.
And it was starting to get on Lauren’s nerves.
He hadn’t told her he would be gone and the only thing he had told the Lieutenant over the phone was that he was taking a few days off due to illness. But what annoyed her even more was the fact that her worry for him grew with every passing hour. He was the deadliest assassin in Ardhalis. Why was she worried for him? He could take care of himself.
But every time she told herself that, it felt less and less reassuring.
Kym noticed her restlessness as Lauren sat at her desk, twirling her pen with her fingers, staring at the paperwork in front of her. Lauren’s eyes skimmed the words, but her brain didn’t process anything. Kym walked up to Lauren’s desk, Lauren too lost in her thoughts to notice her best friend’s presence. Kym rolled her eyes, placing a hand on Lauren’s shoulder, causing her to flinch.
“Seriously, Lauren. You’ve been staring at that piece of paper for five minutes. If you’re so worried about him--”
“I just need a break,” Lauren said curtly, promptly standing and waving to her friend. “I’ll be back in a few.”
Kym watched her friend leave the office, heading towards the break room, presumably to get a cup of coffee. Her fifth today, to be precise. Kym’s keen eyes had picked up that fact and it only served to heighten her worry. Kym saw Will walk up to her out of the corner of her eye, staring at the doorway as well.
“I’m worried about her. I’ve never seen her so stressed and distracted, even if she hasn’t gotten any sleep,” Kym said, biting her thumbnail. Will glanced at the Sergeant, sighing.
“For once, I agree with you, Ladell. She didn’t even look that worried when you were gone for three days because of a fever,” he replied, crossing his arms over his chest. Kym huffed, blowing a strand of hair out of her face.
“Tell her to take the rest of the day off. She’s not going to get anything else done if she’s sitting there, worried out of her mind.” Kym was sure that Will would argue, but to her surprise, he nodded.
“I was going to suggest the same thing. I’ll go tell her,” he said, determined as he left the office and made his way to the break room.
He walked in to find Lauren pouring herself another cup of coffee, but she seemed distracted as the cup came close to overflowing. Will grabbed the pot from her hand, stopping the coffee from spilling over and Lauren jolted in surprise.
“Sorry, Will. I didn’t hear you come in,” she said, setting the cup down and her slightly shaking hands didn’t go unnoticed by Will. He sighed, already preparing himself to argue with her.
“Lauren, take the rest of the day off.” As expected, she opened her mouth to protest, but he held up his hand. “You haven’t gotten anything done today, or yesterday for that matter. Plus, I hate seeing you so worried over someone. Go check on Kieran,” he said, nodding towards the doorway. “Kym and I will take care of your paperwork,” he assured her. Lauren closed her mouth, sighing heavily.
“Thank you, Will,” she replied, surprising him. He didn’t think she would agree so quickly, but it seemed that she had already wanted to leave. “I’ll see you tomorrow.”
“Take as many days off as you need, Lauren,” Will said with a smile. Lauren returned it weakly, placing a hand on his shoulder as she passed him. She left the break room, walking quickly towards the locker room. As Lauren suspected, Kym joined her side not two seconds after she left the break room.
“Soooo, are you going to check on him?” Kym asked, leaning towards Lauren as they walked. Lauren rolled her eyes, entering the locker room and opening her locker.
“Yes, Kym. I’m assuming you had something to do with this,” she replied, grabbing her coat. She looked at Kym with a raised eyebrow and spotted her slightly guilty expression before Kym masked it.
“Perhaps I did. But if you saw your reflection, you’d nag yourself until you went to check on Kieran,” Kym pointed out. Lauren shut the locker closed, now slightly curious about what she looked like. She hadn’t properly looked in the mirror the past couple of days, her brain too occupied with thoughts and questions. Lauren sighed heavily, rubbing her eyes.
“Alright, well, I’m leaving, so no need to keep bugging me,” she said, making her way out of the room, Kym close on her heels.
“Don’t worry about the office, we’ll be fine. Just make sure that Kieran feels better,” Kym said with a suggestive wink. Lauren cringed, smacking her friend’s shoulder as Kym chuckled.
“You’re ridiculous, Kym.” She passed Kym and opened the door to the APD, waving at her friend. “I’ll see you later. Don’t burn the precinct down while I’m gone,” she said, pointing a finger at Kym. She laughed.
“I’ll try, but no promises!” she called out as Lauren backed away. Lauren chuckled as Kym entered the APD again, leaving her alone.
She turned around, seeing the sun start to set on the horizon. As soon as she determined the direction of Kieran’s apartment, she set off at a quick pace.
Something took over her mind and body, urging her to go faster, her fast walk turning into a jog, then turning into a sprint. Adrenaline pumped through her veins, spurring her to go faster. The thought that had been haunting her these past two days pushed to the front of her mind, undeniable.
Something horrible had happened.
***
Kieran had lost track of time.
He barely had enough energy to phone the Lieutenant and call in sick for a few days. He was sure that his raspy voice had convinced Will that he was sick as the Lieutenant told him to take as much time as he needed to get better.
Except, Kieran knew that no amount of time could heal him. At least, not his mental scars.
For the first time in years, he resisted orders. Because of his promise to Lauren, he refused to take the life of her uncle.
And he paid the price.
***
Two days earlier
"Your next target is the Chief of police."
That’s what the Messenger had said three days ago.
And the job still wasn’t done.
“Purple Hyacinth, you know why you’re here, I assume,” the Messenger drawled, his hands clasped in front of him as he sat at his desk. Kieran lifted a brow slightly.
“It’s taking more time to get past the Chief’s defenses than I thought,” he lied, trying to deflect suspicion. But he knew he was only delaying the inevitable.
“Don’t lie, Hyacinth. You know that the Leader doesn’t like slackers. So, tell me. When are you going to kill him?” the Messenger asked sharply. There was no questioning of why Kieran hadn’t killed him yet. If the Leader wanted to know why, he would find out through his spies.
“I’m not sure. Like I said, it’s been difficult to find the right time,” Kieran replied, his fists clenching and unclenching behind his back.
The Messenger walked around the desk slowly, allowing fear to build up in his prey. Except, this was the Purple Hyacinth. He already knew what was coming and whatever fear he used to have had been beaten out of him a long time ago. He stood his ground as the Messenger stood beside him, facing the opposite wall.
“I suggest you rethink what you just said. The Leader doesn’t take to cowards easily, even if you’re the Hyacinth. The Chief will be dead tonight , by your hand,” he said, his voice hard and unforgiving. Kieran glanced sideways at the Messenger, keeping his gaze steady on the eyes of the bird mask.
“That isn’t enough time,” he said, the smallest part of him hoping they would give him more time to figure something out. He should’ve told Lauren about the Leader’s orders, but she had been occupied with enough conflicts without the death of her uncle being added to her plate. He had been sure that he could handle it, maybe convince the Messenger to give him another few days. But the Messenger’s scoff diminished whatever hope Kieran had.
That’s when the punishment began.
Kieran tried to brace himself as the Messenger called in two Scythe members, ones that Kieran hadn’t met before but knew wouldn’t allow any resistance from him. Not that he provided any. They roughly grabbed his arms, pushing him out of the tiny room and into the cell that Kieran had grown familiar with. The men chained his wrists to chains hanging from the ceiling, ripping his shirt off his torso.
"The Leader's orders are meant to be followed, Hyacinth. You are no exception," the Messenger said, his tone cold. Kieran couldn't see the Messenger since he was behind him, but he could hear the whip being unraveled.
The first lashing was always the most painful, tearing into his skin and sending shots of pain up his back. But the Messenger didn’t stop, even after five, ten, fifteen. Kieran lost count, the pain clouding his mind and he bit down on his tongue so as to not scream, the taste of metal filling his mouth. Tears involuntarily streamed down his face. But one thought kept him from wishing he was dead. Wishing he could just kill himself then and there. Wishing that the Scythe would end him instead of letting him live.
Lauren.
He had kept his promise. And he would continue to do so. He had made another promise to himself that night at the Carmine Camelia too. He would never hurt her again or give her any reason to distrust him. They were partners in this and he had already ruined it with his anger. Now, he just hoped he could make things right.
The lashings had finally stopped. Kieran didn’t know how long it had gone on or how many the Messenger had given him, but the pain was still fresh, leaving him breathing heavily, his head hanging. He felt a hand grip his chin, pulling his face forward so he was locking eyes with a bird mask.
“You are the Purple Hyacinth. You don’t get to disobey,” the Messenger said, his voice deep and threatening. “Someone else will eliminate the target since you are too weak to do so. But remember. You were bred for this, Hyacinth. Rebuilt by the Scythe. And you are a monster. That’s all you were and all you’ll ever be.”
Monster.
That word echoed through his head as they unlocked his chains, allowing him to leave.
Monster.
He let his feet guide him, not sure where he was going.
Monster.
Subconsciously, he didn’t head back to his apartment, but to his cave. He knew no Scythe members would follow. He was too injured to be a threat to anyone. And no one else knew where the cave was or that it even existed besides one officer that would never come back there again after what he did.
You’re nothing but a monster.
Just the thought of her reminded him of the words. Her voice screamed in his head, truth ringing in the accusation. As soon as he entered the cave, he fell to his knees, gripping the sides of his head in an attempt to quiet the voices. But they stayed, reminding him again and again what he was.
And you are a monster.
That’s all you were and all you’ll ever be.
The stone dug into his knees as he bent over as if someone punched him in the gut. The voices wouldn’t leave his head, screaming over and over again.
Monster.
Monster.
MONSTER.
In his desperation to drown out the voices, a scream tore itself from his throat. The sound of anguish and pain echoed through the cave, bouncing off the walls. It didn’t succeed in lessening the internal voices. If anything, it made them louder, reverberating in his skull. He screamed until his throat was raw and, still, the voices stayed.
Do not become the monster they want you to be, you hear me, Kieran?
He hadn’t been able to keep that promise, even when he swore to himself that he would.
Nothing but a monster.
Always were.
Always will be.
***
Lauren reached his apartment, the number 16 glinting in the dimming sunlight. She bent over, clutching her knees as she drew in air heavily, her breath visible in the cold. She pounded on the door, still catching her breath, but her high worry spurred her into action.
“Kieran!” she yelled breathlessly, still knocking on the door. No one answered, and she only knocked harder. “Kieran, let me in, or I’ll put a bullet through your skull.” Still, the door didn’t open. No sarcastic comment alerted her to his presence, no familiar face with the smirk she had grown accustomed to.
He wasn’t home.
Her mind raced. Where could he be? Is he coming back home? Had he disappeared somewhere else? Where else could he have gone?
Then, it struck her.
The cave.
Just thinking about it struck her frozen. Memories of a hand around her throat flashed in front of her eyes. She hadn’t dared go back to the cave since the incident. But…
Kieran was in trouble.
Two sides of herself fought tooth and nail. One part of her wanted to stay as far away from the cave as she could. It wanted to wait for Kieran to show up again, to not go after him. To believe that he wasn’t even there and she would only be wasting her time. And scaring herself for nothing.
But the part that won the battle was the part that knew he needed help. The part that told her that something serious had happened. And, to her surprise at the realization, the part that cared for him. But she ignored the last thought, turning away from his door and sprinting towards the cave.
I’m coming, Kieran.
***
Kieran’s throat felt like it was bleeding and he knew his back was worse. He had been lying in bed for the past couple of days, only able to tell that it was early into the night because of the sunlight slowly fading outside. His hunger went unnoticed by him, his thoughts occupying him enough. Lying on his stomach brought little comfort from the pain from his back and he hadn’t changed his bandages since he had mindlessly, and rather sloppily, wrapped them the day he came to the cave. He closed his eyes, trying to get some resemblance of sleep. But as soon as his mind allowed rest, he was plagued with nightmares.
His hand was around her throat, blood under his fingers. Her blood. But that wasn’t what terrified him the most. What scared him the most, an emotion that he hadn’t felt in a while, was the fear and betrayal reflected in her eyes. Her golden eyes dimmed as he choked her, cutting off her air supply. He tried to release her, commanding his hand to unclench itself. But it refused, only tightening its grip.
Panic surged through him as he tried to force his hand to let her go. Let Lauren go. He couldn’t. His hand wouldn’t listen. A voice, faint and nearly inaudible, brought his eyes to hers, dimming with every passing second. With her last breath, she spoke, a tear rolling down her cheek.
“Monster.”
His eyes flung open, sitting up in a flash before crying out in pain, lying back down on his stomach. He panted, covered in a cold sweat. The voices began again, pounding into his skull. He covered his ears, bringing himself to his knees with his head on the bed. Breathing heavily, he clawed his hands through his hair, whispering to himself.
“Monster, monster, monster .”
“Kieran!”
A voice. Full of worry. Her voice.
Except, he had heard that voice these past days. He knew it was all in his head. She wouldn’t come back here , of all places. Not after what he did. How he betrayed her trust. How he had hurt her, both physically and verbally. She didn’t care about him enough to come here. She didn’t care about him at all--
“Kieran, where are you--” A gasp echoed off the walls and footsteps approached him, quick and steady. He had heard those footsteps so many times, it was impossible to deny who it was. Lauren. “Kieran, what the hell happened?”
He fell back on his stomach, burying his head in his pillow. There was no way she was real. She wouldn’t be here, she couldn’t. He felt a hand on his shoulder, tentative and gentle, but even then, it made him flinch, pulling away from the touch. Now, he was imagining touch--
“Kieran, it’s me. Please, tell me what they did to you,” she said, her voice that of an angel, a savior. But what was she doing here?
It didn't matter.
“You shouldn’t be here,” he croaked, his voice muffled by the pillow, not bothering to look at her. “Please, just leave.”
***
He had the audacity to tell her to leave when it took nearly all her strength to come back. She wouldn’t stand for it.
“Kieran, please let me help you,” she said, worry seeping into her voice, but she didn’t care. His back was covered in blood and scars, new wounds adding to the old. He had hastily bandaged them, but nearly half of the wounds weren’t covered and she could tell they were going to get worse if they weren’t properly treated.
“Please, Lauren. I’ll be fine. Just leave.” His voice was hoarse as if he really was sick. But she knew better than that.
“Kieran, you are not fine. Did you really think I would come looking for you only to leave as soon as I found you?” she asked, hands on her hips, staring at his head, which was buried in his pillow. Finally, he looked up and it took all her self-control not to gasp at the sight.
His eyes were a dulled blue, something she had never seen from him before. The skin around his eyes was red and puffy as if he had been crying. Kieran, the Purple Hyacinth, crying. Eye bags were heavy under his eyes, indicating he hadn't gotten much sleep. His frame was thin as if he hadn't eaten the two days he had been gone. And maybe he hadn't, she thought. There wasn’t his usual smirk or a playful gleam in his eyes. He didn’t even attempt to poke fun at her or make a stupid comment. He simply stared at her, his eyes void of emotion.
“Leave, Lauren. There’s no reason for you to help me,” he rasped, and the fact that there wasn’t a lie in what he said only brought a pang of guilt through her chest. She pressed her lips together, brushing past him as she walked over to where the medical kit was last time. She found it easily, carrying it over to where Kieran was. He was still in the same position, though his head was turned so he could watch what she was doing.
“Sit up,” she said sternly, leaving no room for argument. He didn’t seem to have much fight left in him as he sat up, swinging his legs over the side of the bed so his back was facing her. Even his posture was slumped, his shoulders hanging in defeat, his head much the same. She didn’t miss the wince as he adjusted himself, and it sent another pang through her heart.
Peeling off the bandages was difficult, dried blood keeping them in place. She could hear Kieran hiss every time she had to pull the bandage harder for it to come undone. But he didn’t say anything and, frankly, that sent more worry coursing through her. There was something deeper than just the lashings that were bothering him. That much she knew. As she cleaned the wounds, preparing to wrap them again, she spoke.
“Kieran, why did they do this to you?” she asked, her voice soft. They both knew who “they” was. A low chuckle came from him, raspy and deep, but there wasn’t any humor in it. More of a sad sound, she realized.
“I disobeyed orders,” he stated simply, flinching when the alcohol-covered cloth touched one of his injuries. Lauren stared at the back of his head in shock, freezing for a split second before continuing to clean his back.
“Who did they ask you to kill?” she whispered, fearing the answer. Not because Kieran would be a threat. He had refused and had been punished. And she… trusted him to keep his promise. No, the reason she feared the answer was because now, whoever they were, they were on the Scythe’s radar. And if Kieran wasn’t being sent to finish the job, someone else surely would be.
“Your uncle.”
She froze then, unable to hide it. Kieran turned his head, glancing at her reaction. Regret filled his eyes, his mouth turned downward in a frown. It took her a couple of seconds to pull herself from her shock, shaking her head slightly and sighing.
“I should’ve expected it, honestly. He’s the Chief and has a lot of influence over the people of Ardhalis.” She chuckled wryly, rubbing her temple. “I’ll figure out some way to warn him.” Kieran stared at her for another second before speaking.
“The Leader thinks that I’m the only one that can penetrate through his security and kill him. That’s why the mission was assigned to me,” he said, his voice suddenly stoic and emotionless. She furrowed her brows, observing his facial features, but they revealed nothing about how he was really feeling. That in itself told her enough. It was how he looked that night. After she had said horrible things to him, things she wished she could take back. Kieran turned his face forward again, and Lauren took that as her cue to not ask questions. So, she didn’t ask a question.
“Thank you, Kieran.” He whipped his head towards her, confusion and surprise filling his expression. She gave him a sad smile, carefully wiping excess blood from his back. She spoke as she wrapped his injuries in new bandages, reminding her of a time when she had done this for him once before. “You kept your promise and suffered because of it. Thank you. And… I’m sorry.”
He faced her fully now, his lips parted, his eyes wide. He opened his mouth to speak, but no words came out. He swallowed, tried again, and this time, succeeded.
“I don’t deserve your thanks. Or your apologies,” he said, shaking his head, looking away from her. “I should’ve told you about your uncle sooner. And you shouldn’t even be here, helping me. I don’t deserve your kindness or your worry. I don’t deserve you . Not after what I did. I’m a monster and--”
Suddenly, Lauren cupped the sides of his face, forcing him to look up at her. Surprisingly, it didn’t bring flashbacks and she didn’t feel his grip on her throat. Her eyes stared into his dull and near lifeless ones.
“Don’t ever say that again,” she said, her voice hard and scolding. He moved to pull away from her touch, but she held him steady, her voice full of conviction as she continued. “Do not ever call yourself that again. Because you’re not a monster, Kieran. You’re human.”
***
His eyes widened as he processed the words, not sure he heard correctly. But he realized that, yes, Lauren Sinclair, the person he had hurt and betrayed, had just told him he wasn’t a monster. That he was human .
And those simple words broke the dams he had been holding up for years.
He could tell she was surprised as the tears ran down his cheeks. He hung his head, not wanting her to see him like this. Vulnerable. Weak. Broken. Instead of pulling away from him, she sat on the bed beside him and wrapped her arms around his neck. He tensed as she hugged him tighter, clearly not about to let go. He finally broke, melting into her embrace. He wrapped his arms around her waist, burying his head into her shoulder, sobs crawling out of him.
Any other time he broke down like this, which were few and far between, he always felt out in the open, prone to an attack, knowing that if anyone ever found out about this, he would be in danger.
But being held in her arms, being in her presence, made him feel safe. He knew he could trust her. Trust that she wouldn’t use this against him. Trust that she wouldn’t hurt him. Trust that she wouldn’t throw salt into his wounds, that she would help him heal, whether she meant to or not.
“Kieran, I’m sorry about what I said. I didn’t realize how much I hurt you--” Lauren started to say, but Kieran interrupted.
“You don’t have to apologize.” His voice was muffled by her shoulder, but he knew she could hear him just fine. “I’m sorry for breaking your trust and for hurting you. I was angry, but that isn’t an excuse to hurt the only person that I care about. I was… lost and I know that no matter how much I try, people will always see me as a monster. And,” he said, pausing, “you aren’t a hypocrite. I should’ve never said that.”
Lauren stroked his hair, not saying a word. Part of Kieran knew that he shouldn’t be receiving any kindness from her and that he should push her away, tell her to leave. But he didn’t have any fight left in him. Tears still flowed down his cheeks, soaking Lauren’s shirt, but she didn’t seem to mind. He didn’t expect her to say anything, the silence stretching on, seconds turning into minutes, all the while sitting on the bed, holding onto each other.
“Kieran--” she started, her voice catching. She swallowed, continuing. “I have no idea what you’ve been through. What the Scythe made you do. What they did to you.”
Do not become the monster they want you to be, you hear me, Kieran?
“But you’re not a monster.”
You’re nothing but a monster.
“Monsters can’t feel. They can’t care. Can’t regret. Can’t laugh. Can’t smile. Can’t cry. But you can do all of those things.”
And you are a monster. That’s all you were and all you’ll ever be.
“You’re just as human as I am. And don’t ever forget that, Kieran.”
The tears started again and this time, he didn’t try to hold them back. Maybe Kieran had kept his promise to that man. Maybe he wasn’t the total monster he believed himself to be.
Because the last person he expected to show up here of all places, was sitting beside him. She had helped heal him when he was too weak and hopeless to do so. She had apologized to him , even though she had no reason to. She had comforted him, getting close and embracing him even after everything he had done. She had said everything that he needed to hear.
The one person he had somehow convinced that he was human still thought he was.
The one person that he cared about had told him that he wasn’t a monster.
And that was enough to bring his human side out, fully on display to the only person he would ever allow to see him like this.
“And I forgive you.”
He pulled away fast, staring at her with wide, puffy eyes. Her aureate eyes softened as she gripped his shoulders gently, though he could tell there was a bit of struggle in her eyes. Whether it was from saying what she said or because of their closeness, he couldn’t tell. Kieran shook his head, brushing her hands away.
“You shouldn’t forgive me,” he said, his voice raspy. He used his hands to wipe away his tears, refusing to look at her. “I don’t deserve it.” He heard Lauren scoff softly and he glanced up at her, her expression genuine.
“I might not be able to forget it as easily, but I do forgive you. You made a promise and you kept it, despite the cost. You helped me with things that had nothing to do with you or our mission. When I was in trouble or stuck, you were there. I’ve noticed, Kieran. You’re trying to redeem yourself after what you did and that’s why I trust you. And why I forgive you.”
He couldn’t believe what he was hearing. He simply stared at her, frozen on the spot. He shook his head, briefly wondering if she was just an illusion spouting words. Surely, she wouldn’t ever say something like this to him. A small part of him hoped she could, one day, forgive him, but he never thought it would happen. Never, in a million lifetimes.
It was true that he had been trying everything he could to make it up to her. He did all of it in hopes of gaining her trust, but he thought she would never forgive him, even if she started to trust him again.
“Lauren--” he choked, locking eyes with her. She gave him a small smile, hugging him tightly. He returned it without much hesitation, though a small part of him told him that he shouldn’t be accepting it. This embrace. She pulled back, gripping his shoulders hard, glaring at him. For a second, he feared that he had overstepped a boundary and he tensed, an apology ready on his tongue.
“Don’t ever scare me like that again, Kieran. Next time you decide to take a couple of days off, tell me, ” she said sternly and Kieran released an unexpected chuckle to both of their surprises.
“Of course, Officer. I promise.” He paused, smirking, his confident facade slipping in place. “And you know that I’m a man of my word,” he teased, realizing how wrong he was after he said it. But, surprisingly, the comment drew a laugh from her, a sound that filled the cave and his darkened heart with light and warmth.
She lowered her hands, crossing them over her chest, as she eyed him up and down. He felt scrutinized, her aureate eyes assessing his condition, he assumed. She nodded as if coming to a decision, and stood from the bed. She started rummaging through his stuff where the first aid kit had been, looking for something. He stood as well, making his way over to her when his face was met with cloth.
“Come on, I’m taking you home. You look like death,” she said sternly, clearly indicating that she wasn’t taking any questions or protesting. He chuckled softly, tugging the shirt on that she had thrown at him, wincing slightly as pain shot from his back.
“Fine, mother,” he replied, rolling his eyes as she glanced back once his shirt was on. He raised an eyebrow as he came to a realization. “Did you leave work early to find me?” he asked, truly curious. She held his stare, a challenge, her hands on her hips.
“Will and Kym insisted on me leaving,” she said pointedly, sighing as she turned away, waving her hand. “Glad they did or else you would have starved alone in this cave,” she quipped. Kieran froze for a split second before smirking.
“That does mean that my partner cares for me? How considerate, Officer,” he remarked and she spun around, exasperated.
“You could’ve been dead for all I knew, Kieran. I assumed the worst. That the Leader found out about us and sent someone to kill you. You had me worried sick,” she blurted out, freezing as she realized what she had just said.
The tease on Kieran’s tongue died, sincere worry in her eyes before she turned away, picking up the first aid kit and all the supplies. She refused to look at him, packing up the kit slowly to avoid him. He approached her cautiously as she finished putting everything inside. She straightened herself, picking up the kit and putting it back in its place before turning to him. This time, he wrapped his arms around her, comforting her. To his surprise, she didn’t pull away or flinch in fear. She simply returned the embrace.
“I’m sorry, Lauren. I truly didn’t know I caused so much worry,” he whispered into her hair. She nodded, pulling away with a scowl.
“Just don’t ever do that again. You’re the reason I could barely focus these past two days,” she scolded, grabbing his wrist and pulling him towards the entrance to the cave. He held his tongue, holding back any teasing he had. Once he was walking beside her, she released him, steps in sync as they made their way to his apartment.
“It’s getting late. You should head home,” Kieran mentioned, standing at a crossroads, her house in one direction, his apartment in the other. Lauren shook her head, turning left and marching towards his home.
“You’re hilarious, subordinate. You think I’m going to leave you alone after you defied the Leader’s direct orders?” she asked, holding up her hand when he opened his mouth to answer. “That was a rhetorical question. Come on.” He furrowed his brows, placing a hand on her shoulder to stop her.
“No, you need to go home. If a Scythe member spots us, they’ll make you a target or they’ll suspect us as Lune. You need to go home now, ” he said, urgency in his voice. “And even if they did send someone after me, you being there wouldn’t change anything. They would just do away with you first. Please, Lauren, go home. You’ve done more than enough for me.” Lauren raised an eyebrow, hesitating. She grabbed his wrist, pulling him along again.
“Well, it’s a good thing the Purple Hyacinth is with me and he owes me a debt,” she replied, a teasing gleam in her eyes as she glanced back at him. His serious expression didn’t change, scanning the shadows for hidden figures.
Thankfully, they made it back to his place without any interference. Without hesitation, he stood in front of her as he unlocked the door, swinging it open and searching for any intruders. Lauren brushed past him, locking the door and dropping her coat on the sofa. Kieran searched every room while Lauren did something in the kitchen. Once he deemed the apartment empty besides the two of them, he strapped his belt around his waist, carrying two blades in sheaths. Just in case, he thought. Though with his injuries, he probably wouldn't be much good in a fight.
He made his way back to the kitchen, the aroma making his hunger aware to him. He hadn’t eaten in two days and he managed to avoid the feeling of hunger until now. Lauren was cooking something and Kieran found himself staring at her, a small part of him unsure if this was real. He pinched himself just in case and found that, no, this wasn’t a dream. Lauren Sinclair was actually here, worried for his health and safety.
He didn’t realize that he was starting to doze off as he sat at the counter until Lauren shook his shoulder, placing a plate in front of him. He didn’t really pay attention to what she made, eating it faster than he had ever eaten anything. It was good, he realized, but he could barely taste it as he finished eating, his hunger fulfilled. Lauren nodded in satisfaction, gesturing towards the bedroom.
“Go sleep. You have work tomorrow,” she teased, grabbing his plate. He groaned, dragging himself off the chair.
“One more day off? My back hurts like hell,” he complained. She raised an eyebrow before rolling her eyes.
“Kym will never let me hear the end of this,” she mumbled, looking back at him. “Fine. I’ll stay here tonight, but I have to work tomorrow. Go rest.” Kieran chuckled as she left towards the living room.
“Inviting yourself to stay at my apartment, Officer? Since when did this become your house?” he called out to her.
She laughed instead of replying and he followed her orders, going to his bedroom and carefully lying down, pain shooting up his back whenever he made a wrong move. Finally, he found a position that allowed him comfort and, without much effort, fell asleep.
***
Kieran’s books were entertaining enough for Lauren. She had laid down on the couch, her head propped by the armrest as she read, her eyes skimming the words. Even though she knew Kieran was feeling slightly better and she was there with him, her worry only decreased marginally. Her gun was beside her, ready to be used if needed. Sandman’s words echoed through her head as she read, distracting her.
No one leaves the Phantom Scythe alive.
Kieran’s promise to her left him a target. The least she could do was try and protect him while he protected her loved ones. And her. She wouldn’t let them take Kieran. Not without a fight. She made that promise to herself.
A heavy thud and a voice alerted Lauren to Kieran’s bedroom. She dropped the book, grabbed her gun, and raced towards his room, the voice emitting from the other side of the door. She burst in, sweeping her gun around the room with both hands, but found no one. She glanced at the floor and gasped when she saw Kieran lying there, shaking and covered in sweat.
She holstered her gun, kneeling beside him. His eyes were still closed, signifying that he was still asleep, but his hands were clenched, shaking violently with the rest of his body. She laid a hand on his shoulder, shaking him gently. She opened her mouth to wake him, but froze as he spoke.
“Monster,” he whispered, his expression one of pain and regret. “Monster, monster. Nothing but a monster.”
Those words. That’s what she told him that night in the cave. Regret filled her heart, right along with guilt.
She shook his shoulder again, harder this time, but he still didn’t wake, muttering that cursed word over and over again. She didn’t know what he was seeing, but whatever it was brought tears dripping down his face. Lauren gripped both shoulders, shaking him harder.
“Kieran, wake up,” she said, almost yelling.
His eyes flung open, sitting up in a flash before groaning in pain. His sight adjusted by the changing of his pupils and he finally registered her, still holding his shoulders. He wiped his tears away quickly, turning his head so she wouldn’t see his eyes.
“I’m-- sorry,” he choked, and it was clear that he wanted to say more, but his throat restricted him. Lauren, without any words, hugged him, stroking his raven hair. He wrapped his arms around her waist tightly as if she was his lifeline.
“You’re not a monster,” she whispered and he nodded in acknowledgment. She didn’t know if he simply heard her or if he really accepted it, but Lauren promised to herself that she would do her best to remind him.
Because he was human. Even if Lauren was the only one who thought so. Even if Kieran didn’t believe it just yet.
One day, she would convince him.