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Year 1 - (Izuku Midoriya Is Weak)
Bakugo Katsuki is not weak. The pops of his quirk are a comforting noise, a proof of power, that he is there and alive and breathing. It shows others how strong he can be, and it keeps him in the foreground, stuck there just like he wants to be. (He doesn’t want to fade into the background.)
His only problem in life is one he keeps secret, locked up in the cages of his volcanic heart; a heart that with explode with anger that he cannot control, words that he can’t stop from spilling off his lips. It’s a weakness that could chance his entire being in the foreground.
Izuku Midoriya, his ex best friend, had always been weak, a blip in the world constantly changing around him. The boy blended into the background; shoulders hunched, body instinctively making itself small in the presence of a predator. Katsuki doesn’t want to be a predator, and that’s his entire problem all over again.
When he first tells Izuku to kill himself, pushing him down until he hits his head on the desk behind him, and there’s blood- god, so much blood from a small body; the world stop on its axis, words halting time until it is just two friends in a bubble of apologies unsaid.
It terrifies him, how angry he can get, how the words flow like a rushing river. In the moment they feel so, irrevocably right. Izuku Midoriya was just going to get hurt as a hero, burned and charred and scarred and everything that he’s experiencing now. But later, when he’s laid in bed smelling of charred caramel from the nightmare he’d just had of Izuku killing himself, he feels nothing but pure, hot terror.
Everyone around him always tells him that he’s wanted to be a hero since he was young, but Bakugo Katsuki knows that his fate was set only after he’d told Izuku Midoriya to kill himself. His anger scares him, and being a hero is the only way to repent for everything he says and does.
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Year 2- (Izuku Midoriya wants to be a hero)
Contrary to popular belief, Katsuki does not want to become the number one hero for power, but instead to redeem his anger and turn it from innocent Deku’s to heartless villains.
Izuku has always had a heart too big for his rib cage, constricting his lungs and making him prone to muttering. Bakugo Katsuki has the honor of sitting next to him, and listening the muttering of mumbled words setting out into the quiet classroom.
There’s a few calm moments in the day that Bakugo just listens. Tunes out the rest of the background and actually tries to process the words that the boy next to him utters. Sometimes, he closes his eyes and pretends that he has no problems, that he and Izuku are friends still, and will be the best heros that Japan has ever known.
Until Izuku actually starts muttering about his plans to be a hero, sketching in his notebook a design for his costume. His blood boils, hands sweating from the fire inside his soul pop, pop, pops until there is nothing left of Izuku’s notebook. (If a new one is placed in the boys mailbox the next day, then nobody is around to see Katsuki put it there.)
The boy continues his ramblings, ideas of support weapons and designs for other heros costumes. It makes him just as annoyed each time. The fucking nerd doesn’t have a reason to be a hero. Izuku is weak, and quirkless, and will never be anything but. So he tells him that. (He cries later that night.)
Year 3- (Izuku Midoriya Gives Up)
In their third and last year of Middle school, Izuku continues to be the savior of the class. He pushes his body in between bullies and their victims even when he can’t do the same for himself. The scrawny, thin, gaunt child continues his ramblings of becoming a hero…until he doesn’t.
Katsuki finds this enraging. The boys entire demeanor had changed in just one day. “Hey, Deku, what’s got your panties in a twist?” Izuku ignores him. Bakugo doesn’t realize what he’s doing, vision fogged with red, but his hands are covering Izuku’s ears and- p o p.
.
.
.
.
He swallows the pool of shame, and terror and surprise just like he always has. . .
Bakugo thinks that the only correlations with Izuku’s forcefully halted muttering is his birthday. It also exactly ties to an incident regarding quirk discrimination with a trusted pro hero, and all of the riots that followed his statement of ‘I prioritize who I save by what they give to society’. Katsuki finds it sick, and then vomits when he realizes that he’d been thinking the exact same way for his entire life. Face pale with disgust as his dinner and lunch and past words burn a path up his throat and eat away at his enamel.
The bathroom stinks of caramel by the time he’s done, sweet sweat masking the putrid scent of Bakugo Katsuki’s mistakes.
He does what he always does when he finds a problem in himself and his ways…he ignores it.
His only chance at redemption is becoming a hero, so he straps in and pours his entire being into training. His muscles constantly ache with strain, and he wonders if this is how Izuku had felt all the times he’d had to run away, breath heaving with panic as predators (Bakugo) cornered him in an alleyway.
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Year…4? (Nothing. Nothing Izuku has ever done to him was wrong.)
His hands crackle with power as they wrap around soft flesh, squeezing with intent that he can’t place. The boy in front of him doesn’t squirm, or move, or even gasp for air.
And then Bakugos quirk is stolen, and his heart accelerates, panic striking his veins because that power is the only thing keeping him in the foreground, the only thing that guarantees his redemption.
“I suggest that you let him go, unless you’d like further punishment, other than expulsion.” The man says, quirking an eyebrow up as if this is something he has to deal with every day. “Now, Izuku, are you alright.”
“The nerd is deaf.” Bakugo sneers, and his voice takes off without his permission, words twisting to a tune of anger and rage. (Just like they always have…)
“Bakugo Katsuki, you are hereby expelled from UA. There will be no way for you to even think of getting back into this school until your papers are signed by a professional, and licensed physiologist who deems you mentally—“
“I’m sorry!” Izuku Midoriya interrupts, voice cracking like every single bone that Katsuki has broken in his fragile body. He bows with respect like he hadn’t torn Katsukis whole reason for living away from him; like the past three years of his life were for nothing.
He doesn’t remember lunging, or being pinned to the ground, helpless, just as Izuku had been so many times- but he listens as Aizawa explains the situation to his mother and father, head ducked in shame. (If anyone notices his tears, they don’t mention it.)
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“Hi, Bakugo. Ready for your session?” The woman, his therapist of 3 months now, beckons him into the calm, cool atmosphere. For the past 3 months, Katsuki has danced around the topic like a fucking ninja ballerina, toes gliding across the stage with ease as he changes the subject to something other than his problems.
“Alright, Katsuki. I know we’ve been tiptoeing around the subject for a long time now..but if you want to go back to UA, you’re unfortunately going to need my help. Even if it’s just me sitting and listening for a whole session, I’m fine with that.” Bakugo drowns out her voice, head ducking under the waves of relaxation- the girls quirk- as he leans back into the leather couch. “-don’t we start off with why you even want to become a hero.” the tail end of the sentence reaches his ears, and he huffs; a barely there laugh in the chilled air- it freezes there, words staticky and crackling in the air before Bakugo finally speaks up.
“There was this kid. Izuku. He made me so angry. He was so stupid that I couldn’t even control myself around him like I could others. All he’d do was cower and talk about being a hero when he couldn’t even stand up for himself” He turns the subject to Izuku, something easy to talk about. (Not really)
“Alright. Yes, this is great. Now, your feelings are definitely valid, but it seems that your anger has been a problem for you, so let’s walk through that first.” She pulls out a notepad and pen “what are some things you notice when you first start getting really mad, like does your chest tighten up, or your vision get all wonky?” Bakugo feels like a con artist. These are easy questions, ones that won’t pry into his personal amalgamation of secrets and problems and fears.
“My chest gets really tight and I get mad dizzy. I usually blank out if I get real mad, my memory gets all foggy of what happens when that happens.” Katsuki answers, cuticle skin cracking under the pressure of his nail digging at it.
“Great. Again, your feelings about Izuku are very valid, but id also like you to shift your veiw from just yourself, and think about how Izuku may be feeling, or thinking. You’ve mentioned him before as a childhood friend, so you must know at least a little about how he thinks, yes?” The world that had stopped turning years ago starts back up again. His head is fuzzy because yes, he’s imagined what Izuku might’ve been thinking, but he’d never even thought about how the nerd was when they were kids. His thought process couldn’t have changed that much. Katsuki had been the one putting words in Izuku’s mouth, and for the millionth time in the last few months, he excuses himself to the bathroom and vomits his lunch, so utterly sick at the thought of what he’d done, and how he’d avoided even thinking about it for years.
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Bakugo Katsuki no longer wants to be a hero for the redemption aspect. His goal is to succeed in the business and start an uprising against quirk discrimination, and to tear the Hero Corporation apart. He knows that Izuku will never forgive him, and he lives with the fact that he will always be a villain in his eyes.
He never feels as angry as he had before, and it feels exhilarating, being able to be around people without exploding and having foggy memories that turn out to be real life nightmares.
His pride is far behind him, replaced with selfless acts and gruff hugs. He’s no Izuku Midoriya, not by a long shot- his overall demeanor hasn’t changed, and probably never will- but he saves people; instead of hurting them.
And his hero name? It’s Kacchan.