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My dearest, Tomo,
It has been so long since I’ve last seen your face. In some ways I am fortunate that I did not see your dying expression, for I am sure that would haunt me until the end of my days. Until now, I have nightmares of holding your dead body in my arms after you fell. The feel of your lifeless weight has seemed to erode all other memories of me embracing you. I am lost, as with every day that passes the sharpness of my memory of you blurs ever so slightly. Such is the nature of grief and death, but I cannot help but feel as though I have betrayed you somehow. If only I could preserve the memory of your laughter in crystalline perfection. I would place you on a pedestal in the center of my memories, so that I may override the haunting that comes with the day I stole your vision.
If you could wonder, you may ask why I am writing to you tonight. Tomorrow we are launching a tactical attack with the resistance forces against the nearby Kujou troops, in hopes of gaining advances in the greater war against the Shogun’s army. We already had our first victory a week ago, thanks to the leadership of Sangonomiya Kokomi, who reached out and hired Beidou’s fleet as mercenaries.
I know that between the two of us, you have always been the more ideologically driven one, but since your passing I cannot sit passively as I individually evade the Vision Hunt Decree. A deep desire has rooted itself in my heart to fight alongside and protect people from the kind of fate you have faced. Although, I must admit, I cannot find it in my heart to shake away the desire to confront the Shogun at the throne myself. As you said, someone must be able to withstand the lighting’s glow. Recently I’ve met someone who evaded it, rather than withstood it. A mysterious traveler who has taken up ranks in the resistance, with battle prowess that I daresay surpasses yours (although you would be loathe to admit it, you stubborn thing). I wonder if I can do the same.
Or would I just die in vain, a mockery of your own death? Are my motives driven by a noble cause, or is it vengeance that I seek over the loss of the one I love most?
Kazuha stopped writing to catch his breath. He had only been writing for half an hour and yet he felt as though he’d ran a marathon. He could not find it in himself to finish the letter to his dead friend. Instead, he left his quarters in the Alcor to visit the deck. Thankfully, he found Beidou there, embraced her and wept.
“I miss him,” he found himself repeating over and over again, uncharacteristically lost for words as Beidou stroked his hair.
My dearest Tomo, I am sorry.