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“I need your help.”
Kenma doesn’t even need to lift his head up from his game to know who it is. There’s only one person in the world that constantly barges into his room, demanding his assistance. Dryly, he says, “I can’t help you get out of jail again.”
“Wha -- again? First of all, I’ve never even been to jail,” Kuroo Tetsurou protests, and Kenma chuckles to himself. Kuroo’s always been easy to get a rise out of, despite the fact that he thrives on getting a rise out of other people. “Second, if I was in jail, how would I be in your room right now?”
Fair point. Kenma looks up, assessing Kuroo’s face. There’s sincerity painted there, along with worry in the crease between his eyebrows and the teeth sinking into his lip. “What did you do?” Kenma asks.
“Whaaaa? What makes you think I did something?”
“You always do,” Kenma replies flatly.
Kuroo grins at that, but the smile quickly falls from his face. “Well, it’s not me this time, actually,” he says, plopping down on the bed beside Kenma in a somewhat defeated manner. “It’s my grandparents.”
“Your grandparents?” Kenma raises an eyebrow. He’s known Kuroo’s grandparents nearly as long as Kuroo himself, and he cares about them as if they were his own grandparents. They’re well-meaning, if a bit old-fashioned. “Are they okay?”
“Physically, yes,” Kuroo says. “Mentally, well, not so much. They’ve decided to torture me.”
“What do you mean?”
Kuroo sprawls back across the bed dramatically and sighs. “Apparently they’ve come to the decision that I’m getting old, and therefore I need to set about finding myself a woman to marry so I can produce an heir to the Kuroo family.”
Kenma’s breath catches in his throat.
It’s no secret to anyone but Kuroo that Kenma has been completely, disgustingly in love with Kuroo since middle school, when Kenma realized that the tingling sensation he felt when Kuroo brushed against him wasn’t just static electricity and the butterflies he’d been feeling when Kuroo was around weren’t just indigestion. He’d known this day would come, though - the day when Kuroo’s family grew impatient. Kuroo was a Prince, after all. It’s only natural that he’d be expected to marry.
It doesn’t make it any easier for Kenma, though.
“So?” Kenma says, trying his best to keep his voice even. “Your grandma’s gonna set you up with a girl? What’s the problem?”
“I’m not ready for that!” Kuroo says, his voice becoming higher in pitch as he continues to rant. “I’m only 24! I’m not ready to settle down and get married to some girl and have kids! I’m just not there yet!”
Kenma studies him carefully yet again. Despite the clear panic in his eyes, Kenma sees something else there - determination, maybe? “So,” he says, “what’s your plan?”
Kuroo’s mouth turns up before he slowly says, “I need you to pretend to be my boyfriend.”
Kenma drops his game. It makes a loud clattering noise as it hits the ground.
“ What ?!”
.
Kuroo’s idea is absolutely ridiculous.
He believes that his family’s sudden rush to marry him off is because he hasn’t really dated anyone, well, ever, which means he may be undateable (save for familial intervention). He thinks that if he shows he can be in a serious relationship, his family will back off a little bit. Since it’s Kenma, he explains, his family won’t mind that it’s a gay relationship - they love Kenma enough that they’ll understand. And besides, it’s not like Kuroo’s close enough to any girls that he could ask them to pretend to date him. He just needs Kenma’s help for a month or two, just until his family backs down.
It’s a stupid plan. It makes no sense at all. And yet…
And yet, Kenma agrees, because it gives him the chance to be with Kuroo, even if it’s just pretend. God, he’s a love struck idiot, isn’t he? Now he’s here, getting ready to be presented to Kuroo’s family. As Kuroo’s boyfriend.
It’s a dream and a nightmare all at once.
“Okay,” Kuroo says. “Take my hand. Let’s walk in together, yeah?”
Kenma shrugs, but offers his hand to Kuroo anyways. Kuroo threads their fingers together. Kenma’s hand feels so tiny when it’s encased in Kuroo’s, and God, has Kuroo’s hand always been so warm and so soft? He takes a deep breath to clear his head before they walk in together.
“Tetsurou! Kenma! So good to see you both,” Kuroo’s grandmother, the current queen, says primly. Her gaze then falls to their hands, though, and her eyes widen exponentially. “Dear me. What in the heavens is going on here ?”
Kuroo clears his throat. “Grandmother, I would like to present to you my boyfriend, the honorable Kozume Kenma.”
The Queen looks as though she might perish on the spot. Kenma’s anxiety spikes.
Why had he agreed to do this again?
Oh, right, love. What a useless emotion.
“Are you… Tetsurou, you must be kidding,” she says. “Kozume Kenma is your best friend, and a man, besides. How are you to produce an heir with him?”
“I love him,” Tetsurou says, and a shiver runs down Kenma’s spine at the words even though he knows them not to be true. “I don’t want to get married to a woman or have a child or any of that. I only want Kenma, and I’m not going to be dissuaded from that, no matter how much you try. Besides, you have Akari. She can be the one to bear you an heir.” He turns on his heel. “Come on, Kenma. Let’s go.”
As they walk off, Kenma’s sure he hears her whisper, “Disobedient boy. But that’s okay - it’s probably just a phase. He’ll come around eventually.”
Kenma can’t help but fear the same exact thing.
.
He’s blissfully left alone to dwell on his own feelings until the next day, when Kuroo comes crashing into his room. “We have to go on a date,” Kuroo says.
“Hm?” Kenma asks. “What kind of date?”
“A date kind of date,” Kuroo says, which makes even less sense somehow. He must sense Kenma’s skepticism in his face, because he adds, “Like, the romantic kind. A fancy dinner with scintillating conversation.”
“Sometimes, I forget you're a prince,” Kenma says, “and then you say stuff like scintillating conversation and I remember all over again.”
“It’s important,” Kuroo argues. “I don’t think people fully buy it yet - well, mostly my family, but you know. So if we’re seen out in public having a romantic outing and being in love or whatever at the same restaurant my grandparents are ‘making an appearance at’ tonight, then maybe they’ll buy it.”
“It’s a wonder women don’t want to date you, since you describe romance as ‘being in love or whatever.’”
Kuroo ignores him. “Come on, Kenma. You know that suit I got you when you came with me to that royal banquet last month? Put that on!”
“Are you going to wear a suit too, then?”
Kuroo turns to wink at him. “Of course, baby. I’d never ask you to do something I wouldn’t do myself.”
Kenma almost passes out. Nope, scratch that - this stupid fake dating idea has been his worst idea yet.
.
He puts on the suit anyways, though, and manages to make it out of his house without his parents spotting him and hounding him about who the hell he’s going on a date with. He doesn’t feel like trying to explain this whole messy situation. He can’t even really explain it to himself.
Kuroo is waiting slightly down the street, leaning against one of the palace’s more inconspicuous cars. He is, in fact, wearing a suit, and Kenma feels suddenly out of breath as he takes him in. His sleeves are slightly pushed up, and those pants - those pants that cling to his ass and thighs ever so well -
“Kenma!” Kuroo says, and Kenma jumps a little bit. Kuroo flashes him a smile. “Hey, thanks for coming. You look…” He pauses. Kenma’s heart jumps. Does Kenma look so bad that Kuroo is having a hard time coming up with a lie of a compliment to give him? “...so amazing,” Kuroo finishes softly, though, and Kenma feels a little better.
“You don’t look half bad yourself,” Kenma replies. For a moment, they just stare at each other with tiny smiles on their faces, and if Kenma didn’t know any better, he’d swear they were having a moment. He snaps out of it, though, and says, “Where are we going?”
“Another one of my grandmother’s favorite stuffy old fancy places,” Kuroo says with a sigh. “But they have good pie.”
“I’m sold,” Kenma says as he gets in the car. “What, no driver tonight?”
“I’m a good driver! I don’t need a driver to impress my date tonight,” Kuroo says. This is not entirely true - Kuroo can be a bit of a chaotic driver at times - but Kenma decides not to call him on it.
They make it to the restaurant in one piece, though, surprisingly. Kuroo goes the extra mile and comes around to open the car door for him. Kenma steps out and Kuroo offers his arm. It’s weird, Kenma thinks as he walks into the restaurant, but it feels good. It feels… natural.
Too bad Kuroo probably doesn’t feel the same way.
They’re seated immediately at a very nice, romantic table - decorated with a lacy tablecloth, a flower vase, and a wine bottle on ice. It pays to travel with royalty, Kenma supposes. He swallows as he sits down across from Kuroo and Kuroo pours him a bottle of wine.
He’s just about to take his first sip when Kuroo loudly hisses “There they are!” and Kenma very nearly spills his wine all over himself. “Come on,” Kuroo says, holding out a hand to him. “Take my hand and look into my eyes, yeah?”
“Gross,” Kenma mumbles, but complies nonetheless. His face is far too close to Kuroo’s for his own personal comfort. Already, he can feel his cheeks darkening. Too close, too close. He longs to lean in and close the space between them.
However, he’s smart enough to know that would change everything - and not for the better.
“Thank you for doing this,” Kuroo murmurs. “Seriously. I don’t think I’d be able to convince them to back off if not for you. I’m just… not ready to get married yet.”
Half of Kenma wants to ask “When will you be ready, then?”. The other half of Kenma is too scared of the answer he’ll get to ask it. Before he can even really make up his mind, they’re interrupted.
“Tetsurou! What are you doing here?” Kuroo’s grandmother hisses, pasting on a plastic smile as she looks between the two of them.
“I’m having a nice dinner with my boyfriend,” Kuroo says. He squeezes Kenma’s hand softly and then looks at him with a tiny smile on his face, one filled with fondness. Shit. It just isn’t fair that Kuroo can look at him like that and not mean it.
“I see,” his grandmother says. She sounds - not angry, really, but more resigned. “I hope you have a nice time tonight, then. While it lasts.” Kenma knows the Kuroo family enough to recognize that tone means I’ll be keeping an eye on you.
“Oh, we will,” Kuroo replies cheerily. As she walks away, though, Kuroo whispers, “She’s still looking over her shoulder. I can tell. Just… let me do something?”
Kenma looks up at him warily. Before he can ask what the hell Kuroo’s talking about, though, Kuroo’s leaning even closer and then, suddenly, Kuroo’s lips are on his.
Kuroo’s mouth is warm and soft, and his kiss is passionate. Kenma can feel himself melting into the kiss. For a few moments, he’s unable to think of anything but Kuroo, Kuroo, Kuroo - and then he catches himself.
Pulling back, he looks Kuroo straight in his dark, shining eyes and says, “I’m sorry. I have to go.”
Vaguely, he thinks he hears Kuroo frantically saying, “I’m so sorry, Kenma!” in the background, but he doesn’t turn back.
.
Unfortunately, once he makes it out of the restaurant, he remembers that he came here in Kuroo’s car and his phone is out of battery. Shit. Well, this is about the most unfortunate way this could’ve gone.
He sits down on the wall outside of the restaurant, trying to make sense of what just happened. Kuroo had only kissed him because his grandmother had been watching, right? So why had it felt so real?
Stupid Kuroo. It’s all Kuroo’s fault, Kenma decides. If only Kuroo hadn’t been so kind and understanding and funny throughout their many years of friendship, if only Kuroo had been less handsome, if only Kuroo hadn’t asked Kenma to fake date him, then maybe it wouldn’t have turned out like this! How could he -
“Kenma.”
Shit. It’s Kuroo. Kenma frowns and doesn’t turn around, but it’s not enough to deter Kuroo, of course. “Look, I’m really sorry. I just got caught up in the moment and I - I should’ve asked, or not done it at all, but you just looked so perfect and I couldn’t - “
“What?!”
“Uh.” Nervously, Kuroo clears his throat. “You looked so perfect, I said. God, I’m sorry, Kenma. I know I shouldn’t have asked you to do this when I’m kind of in love with you - “
“You’re in love with me?!” Kenma’s heart feels like it’s going to actually explode all over the both of them. What the hell is happening here?! He can’t be serious - can he?
“Uh, yeah? I thought I was being pretty obvious,” Kuroo says in a weirdly high voice.
“No!” Kenma exclaims. Holy shit, this is happening. Holy shit. “No, I had no idea.”
“I’ve been flirting with you all night!” Kuroo says, his voice even more high-pitched.
Kenma shrugs. “I figured it was all part of the weird game thing we were doing. You could’ve done that with anyone, you know. But I guess I thought you asked me because I’m your best friend and it’s convenient.”
“I asked you , Kenma, for a reason,” Kuroo says, his eyebrows creasing, his eyes too sincere. He takes a deep breath. “I asked you because I didn’t want to get married to anyone if it’s not you.”
Kenma takes a deep breath and stares at him. “A-are you serious?”
“Yeah, yes, of course,” Kuroo babbles out, staring back with big, puppy-dog eyes. “And I’m sorry if I misled you, I just didn’t know what else to do, and I thought that maybe - “
“Kuro,” Kenma cuts him off. “I don’t want you to marry anyone that’s not me either.”
“Shit.” Kuroo exhales, his grin spreading over his face. “Kenma - you want to marry me?! ”
“Well, not right now,” Kenma says. “I’m not ready to produce heirs just yet. Or be the husband of the future king.” He laughs to himself. “But. One day, yes.”
“Oh my god,” Kuroo says, his voice cracking. “Oh my god. Can I kiss you right now please?”
Kenma nods breathlessly. He’s never heard Kuroo sound so happy before. It’s kind of wonderful. Kuroo’s lips brush against his, and this time, it’s real. The warmth, the love that Kenma feels coming from Kuroo is real. Kuroo really, really loves him.
Once Kuroo pulls back, he grins. “How was that?”
“You got my face wet,” Kenma gripes, dabbing at his cheek. “Don’t cry while you kiss me.”
“I can’t help it - I’m just so happy!”
“Some kind of price you are,” Kenma complains, but he can’t help the smile that takes over his face - and only grows wider as Kuroo takes Kenma’s hand in his again. Perfect, Kenma thinks.
Maybe some good can come out of this stupid plan after all.