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There's a new boy at their school, and Light has decided to never get within a ten foot radius of him.
Just looking at him is making his nose wrinkle. His hair looks like it hasn't been combed in a month. And a bird had made its nest in there. And a squirrel had had a fight with the bird in it. It's just gross.
And his clothes? Doesn't he realise he goes to a prestigious high school, and that he's expected to dress accordingly? His shoes are dirty and his shirt, unironed. This is just embarrassing.
To top it off, he's got eyebags so large it looks like he uses them to hold his belongings. If he's not going to sleep all night, he could spend some time trying to look more presentable.
These are the only reasons Light Yagami is currently staring at the new boy. Because Light Yagami would never find anyone like that 'attractive'. Hypothetically.
He makes a mental force field around himself as the boy wanders into the room, looking like he's from a different world.
Please God, don't let him sit next to me, he prays, despite being a self-declared atheist from age 7.
The boy doesn't sit next to him. He sits a couple seats down, not quite out of his force field, but still at a relatively safe distance.
Light breathes out in relief, raising his eyes thankfully to the heavens. The boy has pulled his knees up and is resting his chin on them, unaware or uncaring of the eyes fixed on him. Thank the Lord, Light has been saved. Perhaps he needs to reconsider his religious beliefs.
The lesson passes uneventfully. The teacher talks, everyone listens, Light learns nothing.
(He already knows it all.)
The real problem occurs near the end of the lesson, when Light once again sneaks a look towards the new boy, and realises with a start that he's already watching him. He ducks his head down, because of course, he mustn't be rude, even to weirdos such as New Boy. He just needs to bide his time, until the boy looks away, and he can peacefully return to staring at him and thinking uncharitable thoughts.
He counts down the minutes, and then twists his neck around to check if the coast is clear.
New Boy's head is turned directly towards Light, inky black eyes locked onto him, his thumb wedged between his front teeth.
The fuck? Light thinks eloquently, turning away again. But his neck prickles from New Boy's eyes on him. This isn't good.
The lesson ends. Light packs his bag, angling himself so he can put his books away and eye New Boy at the same time. To his disconcertment, New Boy's creepy eyes are still glued to him, and his position hasn't shifted. He hadn't even taken any books out for the lesson, so has nothing to pack away.
Light zips his bag shut and walks towards the exit, planning on unpacking that whole encounter over his lunch. He takes his usual seat outside on the grass, eyes scanning across the field as he takes his food out, hoping he can find New Boy and glare at him from here.
He spots New Boy, but to his utmost horror, New Boy is slouching across to him, hands stuffed in his pockets.
Light freezes in place. He briefly considers making a run for it, eyes darting around panickedly, trying to map out an escape route. Before he can act on it however, New Boy has thumped down next to him.
"I'm L," he says, as soon as he's seated, face devoid of emotion. "Nice to meet you, Yagami-kun."
Who has such a stupid name? How does he know Light's name? Why does he smell like freshly baked bread even though he looks like he should reek of old shoes?
And what the fuck is Light doing, sniffing him inconspicuously?
"Nice to meet you too," he says stupidly, his parents' strict teachings regarding manners automatically kicking in.
"I don't think so," L mumbles, taking a small paper bag out of his pocket. Light watches curiously as he tips out a handful of sherbet lemons and pops one in his mouth. "You don't like me."
Light coughs, and neatly tweaks his face into 'offence taken' mode.
"That's not true! I make it a point not to judge any book by its cover!"
This was not a lie. Light didn't judge books by their covers. People however, he did.
It irritates him highly when a ghost of a smile ripples across L's face. Irritates him so much he memorises the expression so he can replay it and scoff at a later date.
"If you say so, Yagami-kun," L says, sticking his tongue out and dropping another sweet onto it. Light watches, trying to keep his expression of disgust at bay.
Disgust. That's what the twist in his stomach is.
Not many people managed to grate on his nerves as much as L was right now. What bothers Light more is that there's something else behind it that he hasn't quite placed his finger on yet
He'll figure it out as soon as he can. He frowns as L sucks the lemon sherbet and blinks owlishly at Light with dark eyes. Light's heart skips a beat - because he dislikes L. He dislikes L and it's making his body react negatively.
They finish their lunches in silence, L munching on his sherbet lemons and Light picking at his chicken wings and rice, scowling.
"I have English with Matsuda-sensei next. What about you?" L asks, standing up and offering a hand out to Light. Light takes it for sake of appearances, but rubs his hand on his trousers discreetly as soon as he's up.
"Physics."
L nods at him. "I don't think we'll see each other again today. It's been nice getting to know you, Yagami-kun."
Smiling through gritted teeth, Light replies, "And you, L."
(It definitely hasn't been nice. L makes him feel... odd. He doesn't understand why, when the only one who should be feeling odd is L himself, looking the way he does.)
L gives him another small smile and goes to leave, before pausing and turning back.
"Can I call you Light-kun?" he asks, scratching his neck.
It'll make them friends of a sort, if he says yes. And he really doesn't want to be friends with L.
And yet.
He's got plenty of time. He'll work it out.
"That's fine," he says. L's smile widens fractionally, and Light finds himself reflecting the movement unconsciously. He straightens his expression the moment he notices, trying to understand what's happening to him, and watches, brow furrowed, as L walks off.
This isn't good. L's trapping him into something. He has to be.
He mustn't underestimate the strange-looking boy, Light decides, slinking off to his own lesson.
Light isn't surprised when L makes it a habit to sit next to him in lessons. This didn't make it any less insufferable however.
L picks a chocolate chip off his muffin and pops it in his mouth.
"If I didn't know better, I'd think Light-kun liked my face," he says innocently, staring at the board but smiling in a way that's definitely directed at Light.
Stuff that muffin in your face so I don't have to listen to your damn voice, Light thinks sourly, but out loud says, "What? What makes you think that?"
"Well, you have been leaning on your hand, staring at me for the last thirty six minutes."
Light blinks and realises, shit, he's not wrong, slapping his hand down on the table in his haste to pass it off.
"Light, calm down back there! Save your flirting for another time!" his teacher shouts. Light nods quickly, putting a hand on his forehead to cover the rising colour on his cheeks. He steals a glance to his right, and discovers that L has stuffed his face with his muffin. But it looks like the little shit is trying not to burst out laughing in class, if the tears of mirth in the corners of his eyes are anything to go by.
Humiliated, Light purses his lips and ignores L for the rest of the lesson.
The next day, when Light gets to his desk, he's surprised to see a muffin on top of it. L had probably placed it on the wrong desk. Shaking his head at the boy's unhealthy eating habits, he moves it to L's desk and sits down.
L returns a short while later from wherever he'd been, slumping down in his seat and looking between Light and the muffin. He doesn't say anything, and eats the muffin later as their teacher continues with the lesson. Light thinks nothing more of it.
Until the following morning, when there is another muffin on his desk. Bewildered, Light moves it to L's desk again. L making the same mistake twice is unnatural in itself, but him arriving to class earlier than Light? Twice in a row? That was the real mystery.
The boy in question returns again, sitting down and side-eyeing Light before shrugging and eating the muffin. Light has no idea what the hell is happening.
When the same thing happens the day after, Light waits until L is sitting down in his seat, then turns around and says, "You clearly know where you're supposed to sit, so why do you keep putting your muffin on my fucking desk."
L bites his thumb, laughing self-consciously. "Sorry. I should have asked if you wanted them or not, I wanted- I just wanted to be a nice friend? It looks like I messed up, I think."
Okay, Light had not been expecting that. "The. The muffin is for me."
Peeling the muffin case off so he could avoid looking at Light, L nods. "But not if you don't want it, that's okay, I'm not trying -"
The muffin is snatched out of his hands and shoved down Light's throat in a blur.
"Why didn't you tell me?!" he asks incredulously, ears pink as he talks through cake-swollen cheeks. "I thought you kept misplacing your muffins. Course I goddamn want it!"
L's smiling so hard it looks like his cheeks are going to cramp.
"That's good, I'm glad," he murmurs, biting his lip in a failing attempt to flatten his smile. Light finds it horrifically endearing to watch.
"Fnnck," he coughs, fighting his stomach's urge to zap out of existence.
L lays a concerned hand on Light's back and he manages to stay neutral despite his back setting on fire at the contact.
"I still disagree on the friends part," he says, trying to reclaim some dignity. L nods seriously, and worries his lip between his teeth.
"That's not a problem. You're still in the denial stage of grief, but acceptance is inevitable."
Light laughs so hard at that he ends up getting thrown out the classroom. He hears something being said behind him, followed by a collective gasp, and then L is there beside him too, grinning lopsidedly.
Maybe L isn't as bad as Light had first thought.
(It's a big maybe.)
Light's walking back home when he sees L being tailed by a group of three hollering boys.
They're a short distance ahead of him, and his brow furrows as he slows his pace down.
"Oi! Freak! Don't ignore me!" one of them shouts. Another throws an apple core at his head and they all laugh.
If Light hadn't grown grudgingly accustomed to having L around him, he would have assumed that L was unbothered by the mockery, walking silently without a change in pace or gait.
But Light had grown grudgingly accustomed to having L around him, and the tenseness between L's shoulders as well as the light pinkness of the tips of his ears was more than enough to tell Light that L was stressed.
"Are you deaf?" the tallest one asks, pushing L to a side and coming up in front of him. "Hey, I'm talking to you." They all circle around him, pulling faces and shoving him from side to side.
"Look at this ugly shit," he chuckles, as Light stands frozen, far enough back that they can't see him. He could walk away from here and no-one would know.
The boy yanks L's hair sharply, and L mewls in pain. They're imitating him and guffawing when a thump comes from behind them.
The boy turns around apprehensively and is cut off by a fist to his jaw.
He tumbles to the ground, and L trips away from him, snatching his bag and running off. Light turns his attention to the other two.
"You assholes wanna have a go too?" he growls, sleeves rolled up, breathing heavily.
While Light genuinely is furious, he could never resist a touch of the dramatic, and had thought he sounded plenty threatening when he'd said that.
Unfortunately for him, the remaining two stop shouting panickedly about their fallen friend, and turn on Light. He feels his bravado slowly seeping out of him as they corner him, rolling their shoulders menacingly.
"D'you guys like coconut biscuits?" he stammers. He's not built for this. "I have a whole pack, I stole them off my dad, just uh, l-let me slip past and they're all yours."
"Fuck coconuts," one of them spits, grabbing him by his collar and shoving him against the wall. "Gave me a rash so bad when I was 11, I had to stay in hospital for a week. It was disgusting."
Light's not going to get out of this without a pounding that's going to bruise his organs. He pulls a face he hopes is sufficiently sympathetic. "Sucks, buddy. Hey, good thing it's getting better now, it's not that noticeable when you turn 180 degrees from your face!"
The guy blinks, thrown, then howls, "THE RASH WAS ON MY BACK!" and slams Light's head into the wall behind him.
"You missed the joke," Light mumbles groggily, as his arms are pinned to his sides and the first fist swings towards his face.
L practically tackles him to the ground when he walks into school the next day.
"Light-kun!" he shouts in Light's ear as Light struggles and pushes L's arms away, face red. "You didn't have to do that!"
"Get! Off me! Can't you- everyone's staring, get off-"
He finally detaches L from himself and stalks into the classroom, throwing his bag down on his desk and slumping down. There's still some time until their lesson starts. L sits down next to him, flapping his hands.
"Are you okay? Did they hit you?"
"I'm fine, L, fucking hell-"
"But you have a bruise under your eye! Does it hurt?" He dives into his bag and brings out a jar of greenish-looking jelly. "I have some aloe vera gel, would you like some?"
"No."
"Hold still!" L says brightly. He scoops out a dollop of gel and reaches out towards Light's face. Light hears people titter with laughter near him, and he slaps L's hand away, hot with embarrassment. The gel flies off his fingers and lands wetly somewhere far from them.
"Cut it out, L," Light hisses.
He turns to give him a death glare, but freezes when he sees L's crushed expression. Shit.
"F-fuck, I didn't m- that was-"
L is already scrambling to his feet, cheeks dark. "Doesn't matter, it's... fine. I'm gonna get something to eat."
Light watches helplessly as L hurries off, shoulders hunched. He fidgets in his seat, then pushes his own chair back decisively and starts making his way to the door, ignoring the passing laughter.
He can see L as he walks towards the vending machine. He's staring at the glass, hands shoved in his pockets, his lips downturned. For some reason, it makes Light's chest constrict. L isn't overly emotional anyway, so sadness is one Light doesn't like seeing. L shouldn't look sad and because of him no less.
Sadness doesn't suit L, that's why. Emotions in general don't. He's a neutral guy.
"L-" he calls, then stops. A group of boys are walking past. He doesn't want them to make any dumb comments.
As they walk past, they side-eye each other and grin, gesturing towards L. His back is turned to them, still regarding the vending machine distractedly.
Light's only taken a step nearer when one of them kicks the back of L's knees. Him and his friends double over with laughter as L topples and smacks his head on the glass on his way down.
Light strides towards them and opens his mouth to yell a string of unrepeatable profanities in their faces, but then his eyes lock onto L's. Tears roll down his cheeks as he bites his knuckle to stay quiet, still on his knees next to the vending machine. The centre of his forehead is a light pink.
He's not aware of how it happens, but the next thing he realises is he's holding the guy up by his collar and the guy's nose is bleeding onto his fist.
"YOU BASTARD, WHO THE FUCK DO YOU THINK YOU ARE?!" Light roars, ears ringing. "WHAT THE FUCK HAS L EVER DONE TO YOU?!" He socks him in the mouth since he's right there, so he might as well. The guy groans and a trickle of blood dribbles out his mouth. His friends are screaming at Light and pulling his arms, and a small crowd had gathered, ogling and gasping at what was happening before them. Light hadn't even noticed. But... there's two boys pulling his arms? Where's the other one gone? There had been four boys, right?
"YAGAMI LIGHT!" their sensei, Mogi-san, bellows, marching towards the scuffle, tailed by The Other One. "STAND OUTSIDE MY OFFICE, RIGHT NOW!"
Jaw clenched, Light lets go of the boy clutched in his grip. The boy flops on to the ground, which Light glances at with no little satisfaction. He would look a bit longer to check how bad of a beating he'd given him, but he has priorities, okay.
Mogi-sensei bends down to check the boy over, glaring disapprovingly at Light. He doesn't notice, scanning across the faces in the crowd to spot a specific pale, thin face. Nowhere to be seen.
"Light-kun, was I clear enough in my instructions or would you like a floor plan with arrows drawn to my room?" he hears Mogi-sensei say, and decides it's best he does listen this time. He drags himself to his teacher's office, not slightly apologetic for what he'd done. But he is worried that he hadn't seen L anywhere. Hopefully he was fine.
"What," Light says aloud. He can hardly believe he'd even thought that. Since when had he started not hating the guy? He didn't fucking care about that weirdo.
The state of the boy on the floor as well as Light's sudden urge to punch himself speaks otherwise.
He sinks down into the cheap chairs outside Mogi-sensei's office and checks the time. It's the start of the lesson, there's no way he's going to come right now. He doesn't know why he's been sent here this early; it's pretty stupid.
His gaze lands on his hands and he pulls a face. They're still wet with that bastard's blood. He checks left and right: no teachers had seen him yet. He gets up and casually walks away. He'll wash his hands and be back before anyone realises.
It's while washing his hands and marvelling at the soreness in his knuckles (just how hard had he hit that kid? Fucking worth it) does he hear someone take a shuddering breath in from one of the stalls. He turns the tap off and stands there, unsure. Should he ask if they're fine? Is that intrusive? Especially if they're crying in a bathroom stall at school. Believe him, he'd been there. Those crying sessions were visceral.
He clears his throat. "Hey, uh. You okay?" They've become completely silent. It was understandable, really. "It's fine, uh, if you're not. Life is a bitch sometimes." The sniffles restart and he kicks the floor, wanting to be somewhere else but also wanting the person to know they're not alone.
Goddammit, he's not soft. He just... knows what it's like.
"You, um. Whatever it is that's bothering you, it'll work out. imagine yourself a year, two years from now, this won't mean anything anymore, see? Of course, doesn't mean it isn't shitty right now, I'm not denying that, but uh. I - I hope it gets better for you, as quickly as possible."
He clears his throat again, just so he has something to do, then an idea occurs to him. "D'you want a cup of water? I can go down to the dispenser and get you one, no hassle. I'm in a shitload of trouble myself, so any excuse to distract myself from that is welcome."
After a minute's silence in which Light thinks they don't want to talk to him and he's about to leave, he hears a low, barely audible, "Yes, please."
He smiles. "One minute, then."
It takes a little longer than he'd expected, due to furtively peering around every corner to make sure there are no teachers around.
By the time he gets back, the stall door is open. His heart sinks. So they'd left as soon as he had. Not a terrible plan if they hadn't wanted to get caught, but unnecessary. If they'd told him to leave, he would have.
He steps towards the sink to pour the water down, then realises he was mistaken. They're still sitting on the toilet lid, watching him, knees up to their chin.
"Seriously?" he says weakly. Because of-fucking-course, it's L.
He takes the cup over to and hands it to him. "You heard my whole inspirational speech and didn't say a word?"
L takes a small sip. "I like your voice when you're being gentle."
Both their faces flame up at the same time.
"Th-thanks?" Light stammers. L looks like he wants to drown himself in the toilet he's sitting on.
"Wh- the ki-kid, you were - you... said you're a- in- uh," he says articulately, then slaps his forehead and regrets it immediately after.
"You're in trouble?" he repeats, rubbing his forehead.
"Yep," Light shrugs. "But hey, he deserved it."
For me? he sees L mouth, clearly unable to understand why anyone would defend him, let alone get in trouble for his sake. Light's heart breaks.
('Breaks' is a strong word. Maybe it cracks a little. Small crack lines. Not even that, it just... chips at the corner. That's all, he swears.)
"Listen, L," he says seriously, about to sit down then rapidly changing his mind, considering where they are. "I'm a prick, alright? You didn't deserve to be treated the way the boys from yesterday treated you, and the guys from today, yeah. But you also didn't deserve my behaviour towards you. So I'm sorry."
L bites his thumb, not meeting Light's eyes. "No, I was being a pain, it's okay."
"L-" Light begins angrily, then stops and whispers, "What's your second name?"
"Uh, Lawliet."
"L Lawliet, call yourself a pain and I won't hesitate to throw down with you, bitch. Affectionate," he adds.
L laughs, and Light tries not to light up like a Christmas tree at the rare sound.
"I'm kind of scared of you after seeing what you did to that kid, so for now I'll comply," L sighs ruefully.
"You better. You deserve more," Light mutters. They stay there in companionable silence until Light glances at his watch and pushes himself off the stall wall.
"I'd better get to Mogi-sensei's office before he realises I haven't been there the whole time," he says reluctantly.
He's peeking through the door and preparing to rush down when a hand taps his wrist. He almost jumps out his skin and places a hand on his chest when he sees L's wide, dark eyes.
"Thank you, Light-kun," he murmurs. "You're the first person to care."
Their faces are much too close. A part of Light subconsciously screams not close enough! but Light is good at ignoring those things. Whether he wants to or not.
"You're welcome," he says softly, fixing his eyes high on L's face. It wouldn't do for them to stray anywhere else. "Put some aloe vera gel on that." He taps L's forehead lightly and with a final smile, ducks out the bathroom and shuffles down the corridor. His heart is beating a bruise onto his chest. Maybe it's a sign that Mogi-sensei is close? He hadn't felt this out of breath when he'd snuck down before. Strange.
He gets down without incident and sprawls down on the chair, trying to look like he's bored out of his mind and has been here for the full fifty minutes. Just in time it seems, as students start crowding through the corridors and whispering loudly as they notice him. Looks like the whole fucking school already knew of what had happened outside his classroom. He sinks down lower, pulling his shirt over his nose to hide himself.
Eventually, the corridors clear and Mogi-sensei comes over to his office.
"Come in, Light," he says, and Light trudges into the room. This wasn't going to be fun.
"... so I'm on a warning now. If I fuck up again, I might get suspended."
He's walking home with L today. He'd insisted on hearing what had happened with Mogi-sensei, and when asked, he'd discovered L lived on the way to his house.
L hums. "No more knocking people out on my behalf?"
"No more knocking people out on your behalf."
"Shame."
They talk idly about anything and everything. L discovers that Light loves his sister and wants to learn how to bake. Light discovers that L's parents are dead and that he's been adopted by a man named Watari. That makes him feel a bit stupid about his previous admissions, but L insists that he's happy as he is, and he doesn't need Light to feel bad about anything.
It's... fun. Enjoyable. He watches L chat brightly, a bit loud, sure, but Light has slight hearing loss in his left ear so he doesn't mind. In fact, he's thankful. L jumps between subjects, talking about each one with more passion than the last. He interrupts himself, he pauses to muse over completely unrelated things, and at one point, he has to stop, overwhelmed with the amount of things he wants to say.
"Take your time," Light laughs, gazing fondly at him as he flaps his hands and stumbles over too many words.
"You need to be more serious about this, Light-kun!" L gasps. "The Facebook post moderators' mental health is no laughing matter!"
"No, I know, I'm not laughing at that- it's - you're so - gah."
How was he supposed to word the warmth in his chest that arose whenever L talked? The rush of... fondness?
"So you're laughing at me?" L asks uncomfortably.
"No I'm fucking not! I'm fascinated, dumbass! Keep talking!" Aggressive, yes, but it gets the message across. L jumps right back into his rant, with more vigour than before if possible. The warmth in Light's chest just won't go away.
When they turn onto a street predominantly lined with houses that look like they belong to American congressmen, Light thinks it's a shortcut to wherever L lives. So when L slows down and stops in front of a house with a gate that looms over their heads and that's twenty times the size of Light's house, he looks at the house and then L in confusion. L nods, rubbing his hands together.
Light gapes. "That's your house?!"
L chuckles awkwardly. "It's uh, a bit big, I know."
"A bit- it's a fucking mansion!" He grabs one of the metal bars of the gate and shakes it. "You never told me you were loaded!"
"Wouldn't you have disliked me more if I had?" L says, eyebrow raised.
"... Okay, point made. Still." His eyes land on a black car inside the gates.
"Holy shit, is that a Bentley?" Then something clicks. "Wait, why do you walk home if you have a car?"
L fiddles with his bottom lip. "Uh. I - I didn't want people to know I have money. I wouldn't be able to know which friends were real and which were only in it for that."
"Huh. That's true."
"And... I also wanted an excuse to spend some more time with you, I guess," he blurts out, looking down at his feet as if expecting Light to berate him for wasting his time. "You're my first friend."
Light automatically starts, "We're not frie-," but breaks off, looking horrified. Oh shit, they are friends, aren't they? He'd defended L multiple times and almost beaten a kid to a pulp for pulling a prank on him. And now they were walking home together and chatting like old pals. Even he can't deny it any longer.
"... I guess we are friends," he says, just to see L's mouth drop open and smile like the fucking sun.
His heart is pattering again. Maybe he should go to a doctor.
"Bye, Light-kun," L says, still smiling so much Light wants to shade his eyes. "See you tomorrow!"
Light waves at him as the gate opens, and he runs inside, looking over his shoulder, still waving. Light's face hurts - oh shit, he's smiling too? What the fuck??
He rubs the bridge of his nose and turns around to go towards his own house, now alone. It's a long and dull walk without L's animated chatter and hand gestures. He's not sure how he'd gotten through it before.
They walk home together every day after that.
Light and L settle into this strange thing they have going. Weeks turn into months. They sit together every lunch, walk home together, sit next to each other in lessons. Light is slowly realising that his friendship with L is the closest he's had with anyone. He's never felt like he's been missing out on anything before, thinking his so-called friends who chattered on tiringly and were depressingly normal were the best he could expect. But sometimes, when he jumps at the sound of the school bell, hating it for cutting short the time he gets to spend with L, he wonders what it would have been like to have had this before.
He only has these thoughts occasionally, because in the end, he knows L's company is the only company he can stand and actively seeks out. No-one else could have ever come close.
It hasn't slipped his notice how often L will call him his friend in conversation either. His eyes will flick over to Light, checking his reaction like he's nervous Light will suddenly take all of this away from him. Like Light will get up and leave while L is speaking and not return.
Light isn't infatuated with L or anything, alright? But fuck. He'd do anything to stop L from questioning whether he's worth the time Light spends with him or not. He'd do anything for L to see how he's the only person in the room Light ever wants to look at, how his voice is the only one Light hears when he's speaking, and how he wishes everyone else would shut up so he could listen to just him. He'd do anything- he'd do anything for L.
And that's what he blames, in the end, for his inevitable mistake.
It's one of L's quieter days. The days when Light has to speak for both of them, rather than the other way round. They're on the benches for lunch, a soft drizzle falling on them. They're two of a handful of people outside today. He's talking, chin resting on his hand and looking into the sky, cracking stupid jokes and hoping for a glimpse of L's radiant smile.
What he doesn't expect is the look on L's face. His voice catches in his throat, and he stutters to a halt. Light can't see why L would be looking at him like... that. He wonders if it even matters, when L looks so beautiful like this, watching him tenderly, the skin around his eyes crinkled, wet hair sparkling in the tired sunlight.
"Kiss me," L murmurs.
And if it were a different day, a different place, a different time, Light might have reacted in a different way.
But the haziness of the afternoon gets to him. He's lost himself in the bubble they've made for themselves. The world is muffled, holding its breath. Light forgets any reason he could've ever had to refuse.
"Okay," he breathes. "Okay."
It isn't awkward or tricky. He leans closer and so does L and then their lips meet. A sigh escapes L, warming the corners of Light's mouth. The sharply sweet taste of strawberries lingers on his tongue, and Light can't help smiling, even though it momentarily interrupts their kiss. He buries a hand in L's hair and tilts his head further, soaking in L's delighted squeak and how he moves eagerly forward, fisting his hands in Light's shirt like however close they are won't be enough.
L's hand comes up and wraps around Light's loosely. He makes a disappointed noise as Light pulls back from him, their foreheads still resting together, but Light tugs the other boy's hand closer. His lips brush against L's knuckles and his head swims, intoxicated on L's bright eyes and laughter. It's maddening. He's fallen so fucking hard without realising.
"I think I'm in love with you," L whispers, gazing into Light's hazel eyes with his own black-blue pools.
Light presses their lips back together, and L welcomes it, squeezing and releasing Light's hand, but never letting their skin break contact. Light focuses on that, because just once he wants the knife-sharp voices hissing in his head to shut up and let him have this.
"What the fuck?" he hears from a distance. He doesn't realise it's directed towards him until the following shout of, "Can you not do that gay shit where we're eating?"
The bubble bursts. Light feels like ice has been dropped down his back.
His eyes snap open and he shoves himself apart from L, yelling back some curses at whoever had spoken on autopilot while his mind reels. L stays leaned across the table, eyes closed, fists clenched, and mouth slightly open. His lips are still pink and swollen and Light did that, he kissed those lips-
His heart won't stop pounding, like his own body is furious at him for making L look so frozen, like Light had broken something precious that L had trusted him with.
L's eyes open slowly, meeting his gaze. Light holds it for a second, then tears away. He didn't know what had come over him. His brain hadn't yet caught up, but it would eventually, and then where would he be with L? What had changed? How the fuck were they going to deal with this, whatever the fuck this was?
This is bad. It has to be. It has to be. Light isn't a good person, he's been terrible to L from the start. L doesn't deserve to suffer with someone like him.
I'm doing this for you, I swear, he wants to bawl, as L swallows thickly and moves his hands off the bench and into his lap.
Instead, he gets out his seat, pulling his bag on hastily. He rushes back into the school building without looking over his shoulder.
He wants to. He wants to do a lot of things.
But he doesn't.
When their next lesson starts, L isn't in the classroom. Someone else comes and sits next to him, bursting straight into conversation. He ignores them until their voice peters out and they stop talking. As if he cares. They're not L.
He touches his lips absently, mirroring the action L makes so often. They're cold.
Three days have passed. L has yet to return to school. Light doesn't know what to do with himself: he doesn't think he's heard a single word his teachers have said this whole time.
He goes to buy his own muffin, but only takes a bite before throwing it in a bin. It's not the same.
It's while he's sitting there, staring at L's empty seat instead of focusing that it hits him like a sledgehammer to his chest that he misses L. He misses his unpracticed, imperfect smile. He misses the way he's constantly fiddling with his pens. He misses the weird way he sits and his self-conscious lip bites and quiet humming and stifled yawns.
He misses him so much it physically aches and it's only been three days.
He rubs his face, shoulders sinking. He's hopelessly, awfully, debilitatingly in love. He probably looks so pathetic right now.
No no, he's not going to cry in the middle of his Biology lesson, he's not that fucking weak. He's a strong-willed guy who faces his problems head on and smashes them through the fucking floor.
So what the fuck is this, Yagami? he can't help berating himself. He's actually fucking twiddling his thumbs like he's some kind of goddamn useless side character who weeps a lot in an Agatha Christie novel.
He slams his hands down on his desk in frustration, ignoring his teacher's alarmed call. What the fuck does he have to do to fix this? What possible solution can there be for this despicable conundrum?
(Agatha Christie, shut up, he warns, glowering, unaware he's doing it. The person sitting next to him pushes their chair a bit further away, and discover they've run out of space to back into.)
(This is why he needs L.)
It's obvious. He has to talk to L and fix his mistakes, communicate healthily!
God, why isn't there an easier solution? Why can't he just fucking slay a dragon on his behalf or something? He hates upsetting L.
The sentence reverberates soundly around his brain.
Upset. L.
L... is upset.
L is upset. Because of Light.
Doesn't matter what Light thinks. L is upset and Light has to fix that as soon as fucking possible.
He's scrambling out his chair and halfway out the door before he's even registered what his body is doing.
"Yagami-kun! Where are you going? You can't leave without a note!" his teacher shouts, the rest of the class watching wide-eyed.
"Fucking hell," Light huffs, pulling his notebook out. He rips a sheet off, scratches out a quick note, and signs it with a flourish.
"Wave it around, it'll dry quicker," he says, throwing the note in the direction of his speechless teacher, and sprinting out the room.
He's outside L's house in ten minutes flat, breathing so hard he's verging on retching.
Barely giving himself time to reoxygenate his lungs, Light bangs on the gate wildly. "L LAWLIET, IF YOU DON'T OPEN THE GATES THIS FUCKING INSTANT-"
He pauses, waiting for a response. Nothing.
"Fine then, you bastard," he says, face set with determination. He rubs his hands, and with a grunt more to psych himself up than anything, he begins scaling the gate.
He's almost at the top, clutching on to the metal with sweaty hands, and trying to work out how he's going to get over the barbed wire, when the intercom crackles and a tired voice floats out.
"And may I ask who you are, young man?"
It's not L, so it must be his father, Watari.
"I'm a friend of L's! Yagami Light! He must have mentioned me?"
A pause. "No, I'm not sure he has."
"Fu- fucking call him and ask him!" Light shouts, muscles burning. "Where the fuck is he anyway?"
"I'm going to have to ask you to leave, Yagami-kun."
Light was much too infuriated to care at this point.
"I'm coming over this fence, and then I'm going to beat the shit out of you, Lawliet!" Light screeches, manic. He hadn't gotten over his stupid judgments of L, befriended him, and then realised he was crushing massively on the boy only for him to disappear from his life as quickly as he'd appeared because of Light's incompetence.
He heaves himself higher, disregarding Watari's bored warnings.
"If I die trying to get over this barbed wire," Light pants, arms shaking with the effort (he should've taken his bag off beforehand), "tell L I'm sorry for being a dickhead when we first met, and he's actually very cool, and brightens my day up immeasurably, and he's bothersome because he's so cute, and I hate the way he makes me feel, because I have a reputation to uphold but I wanna hold him for all eternity when he smiles and-"
Is he tearing up while confessing his love for his friend to his guardian and simultaneously breaking into his house? Yes, yes he is.
"- and I don't want him to leave because of my being a crap human being, and he's the best friend I've ever had in my meaningless, dull life, so L, if you can hear me, please come out here and talk to me or I'm going to cry while hanging down from your front door, possibly lacerated on the barbed wire."
He's wheezing for breath at the end of that speech, and he doesn't think he can hold on any longer.
"Goodbye, cruel world," he squeaks with the last of his energy, and lets go.
Miraculously, he doesn't die. But he does hit his head nastily on the ground, and lies there, dazed, as the gates finally swing open and a familiar pale and concerned face hovers over him.
"L," Light breathes, his expression so mushy that if he weren't concussed, he would have punched his own lights out rather than let L see him like that.
"Light-kun," L sighs in response, shaking his head, and slinging Light's arm around his shoulders. They stand up, and Light is hit with a nauseatingly strong wave of dizziness. He drops his head down onto L's shoulder, groaning.
L continues walking, moving carefully so Light's head doesn't shake too much. They go inside and Light barely has time to process how expensive everything looks before he's dragged to a room that looks like a natural disaster occurred within it.
With gentle hands, L lays him down on what must be his bed, even though it's not visible under the layer of discarded clothes and papers, and sits next to him, legs crossed. The tremors from L's jittering leg travel across the whole bed.
He clears his throat. "So aren't you supposed to be at school? It's the middle of the day."
"I kind of just. Got up and left," Light replies, massaging his forehead.
"What? Why?"
Light looks pointedly at him and then gestures to his head. "I wasn't trying to scale that gate for nothing."
"Oh," L says, scratching his leg.
They both look at each other silently. Light's mouth has gone dry, but he swallows regardless, knowing he has to say it now before he loses what little confidence he's gained.
"I'm sorry for k-kissing you," he blurts. "I wanted to- do, uh, kiss you, I mean, but you- you're too good. I'm really sorry." L's eyebrows inch upwards.
"I asked you to kiss me, Light-kun," he says, bewildered. "How is that your fault?"
"No, I was... judgemental and horrible towards you at the start, and I can't - I don't want anything, I just want to apologise, it was shitty and-"
"Yeah, it was," L interrupts dryly. "I'm trying to understand why you think I still care about that after everything you've done for me."
Light's mind screeches to a halt. "You're not upset? After all that?"
"Light-kun, that was months ago! Has that been bothering you that long?" L says, throwing his hands up.
"I never apologised properly," Light replies in a small voice. "And then we kissed and I thought- I thought- I dunno."
L tenses, digging his fingers into his sheets. "About that. I think I should be the one apologising. It was improper of me, the way I asked you to- you know." He's ducking his head so low his face is almost completely obscured by his hair. "I should have made sure you were actually consenting, because I think I might have come across as more forceful than pl- it wasn't planned but, um. Sorry. "
Light looks at him in surprise. "But I wanted to kiss you."
"You don't have to say anything like that to make me feel better, Light-kun," he says tightly, leg vibrating to a blur. "I forced myself on you. Again, I'm sorry."
Light can't believe L could say something like that so calmly even though it's clear his heart is breaking as he does. In the spur of the moment, he reaches out and takes L's hand, determined to get his point across too. L stops moving abruptly. He also appears to stop breathing at all.
"I'm in love with you too, idiot," Light sighs, rolling his eyes. "Though it's fair if you didn't notice. I wasn't, ah, very open about it with myself either."
When L doesn't react, Light gets worried. Maybe he'd overstepped. He begins to pull his hand back, embarrassed, but L grabs it and holds on, jerking his neck up and staring into Light's eyes.
"You're not lying, Light-kun?" he whispers, voice strained with hope.
Light wants to kiss L very much. "No, I'm fucking not, L, look at me."
"Oh," L says like before, but the giddiness in it, the brightness in his eyes is new.
Shit, Light wants to kiss him a lot.
"So, um, c-can I-" Light begins, then stops, ears going pink. "Do I have to ask, or...?"
L smiles, but Light detects the bite of mischief in it. Ah fuck, he had to fall in love with this bastard didn't he.
"Ask what?"
Light leans forward, but L moves back, grinning.
"What do you want, Light-kun?" he asks in a sing-song voice, giggling at Light's visible frustration.
"I'll tell you what I fucking-" Light tackles him and pins him down, hair flopping down over his forehead as L laughs, eyes scrunched up, cheeks flushed, hair messy. Light drinks it up like a man in a desert would water, thinking in much the same way, how did I never appreciate you before?
He tightens his grip on L's wrists, legs flung around his hips. They stare each other down, both stubborn to a fault. When he can't bear it a second longer, Light bends his head and hovers over L's lips, fighting the urge to cross the millimetres-wide gap, instead taking satisfaction in the way L's breath catches and his eyes glue to Light's mouth.
"You still want me to ask?" he says innocently.
L glares at him, looking him in his eyes for a moment before fixating on Light's catlike grin again.
"Do whatever," he mutters, tongue darting out the corner of his mouth in a pink stripe.
Light pecks L's cheek, once, twice, then the other side, until L is fighting his hold and craning his neck to reach his mouth every time he gets near.
"Stop teasing," L whines, as Light peppers kisses behind his ears, revelling in every shiver that ran down L's spine.
"Me? Teasing?" A kiss to the inside of L's wrist. "I'm a gentleman, L, I don't play dirty like you."
He works his way up L's arm, over his neck, his bobbing Adam's apple, all the way up to the corners of his mouth. L's eyes are screwed shut, mouth slightly apart. His racing pulse jumps where Light is holding his wrists down. It's much too inviting, and Light shifts closer to his mark before pausing.
"Can I kiss you?" he asks roughly. He feels L's heartbeat spike.
"Please," he gasps. Light obliges.
He closes the gap, and then they're finally kissing. The room melts away until all Light is aware of in the universe is the soft slide of L's lips against his.
They end up getting quite into it, and subsequently don't hear the door opening until there's a small cough. Light throws himself off L, slipping off the bed in his haste and moaning as the pain from his head injury returns.
"W-Watari!" L squeaks, sitting up straighter on his bed as if Light's tongue down hadn't been down his throat two seconds ago. His cheeks are still blotchy, and his shirt's riding halfway up his flushed chest. Watari's amused smirk doesn't give him much hope that he's gotten away with it. There's going to be a very embarrassing conversation later.
"I came to check in on Light. I want to see your head once before you go home so I can make sure it's nothing serious." He raises an eyebrow. "Though from what I saw, you seemed perfectly fine. So I can come back later."
Both boys start shouting simultaneously, faces growing redder than they already were, and chortling to himself, Watari leaves the room, closing the door behind him.
L and Light make eye contact with each other after an excruciating minute, but the second they do, they burst out laughing. Light's on the ground, laughing while twisted up in L's sheets and clutching his throbbing head, and the image makes L double up again.
At last, after they wipe their tears away, Light gets to his feet.
"I should go," he says unwillingly. "My parents have most likely been phoned by now. They'll be worried. I've infringed on poor Watari's hospitality for long enough, too."
"Stay for a while," L mumbles as Light searches for his shoes, so quietly that he nearly misses it. "Cuddle me."
Light pauses. L blinks at him, his nose poking out above where he's burrowed into his blanket. What is Light supposed to do? He's only able to fight his willpower to a degree. He gets back onto L's bed, meeting L's wide eyes with his own warm ones. He lays a hand carefully in the dip in L's back, shuffling closer to him. L throws his arm around Light's waist, nestling his head into the crook of Light's neck, explosively messy hair tickling his nose, and sighs happily.
Light holds him close, L's chest rising and falling against his, his fingers absently fiddling with the corner of Light's shirt.
L is unusual, has a terrible sugar addiction, hasn't touched a comb in his life, and lacks basic social skills- but God, Light wouldn't have him any other way.
I'm definitely in love with you, he thinks he hears L say before he falls asleep wrapped around the boy who'd stolen his heart the moment he'd walked into his life in all his dishevelled, beautiful glory.