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So, you’re in your teenage years. Bullshit hormones dressed up in the word ‘puberty’ have fucked up your brain and body, and you’re a lot different now, and more physically mature. Alongside maturity comes horniness, and with horniness comes more confusing bullshit called ‘sexuality’. It should be simple, sexuality, just find out who you find sexy and what makes those horny thoughts tick!
Simple, right? …Yeah, not so much.
The thing is… Pico thinks everyone can be kinda sexy.
Not literally everyone, but he never found himself restricted by stuff like gender, or what the fuck laid between someone’s legs. Whoever looked nice made Pico start crushing, or think horny thoughts especially if their name is Boyfriend. At first he was settled into calling himself bisexual, ‘cause he’s liked boys and girls in the past, but the label wasn’t… accurate, enough? He didn’t like them because they were boys and girls… he just liked them.
This shit shouldn’t be so fucking difficult, damn it!
Things like sexuality were so complicated but he managed to find himself in the most expansive position ever, while simultaneously in the most confusing one as well. In a situation like this Pico would normally go to his parents and ask for help, but he didn’t want either of his dads’ snarky remarks, and he also didn’t want their dumbasses (that he loves, he swears) to have any insights to his more puberty-stricken personal thoughts. So he went to a different source to inquire about his troubles.
“This is normal, right? I’m not alone?” he had asked his friends during lunch one day. “I think so? What is it? I’ve heard of it because Carol told me about it, you’re… something something something pansexual!” Nene snaps her fingers as she settles on her answer. Pico raises a brow, then scrunches his face at the word, before the label settles itself in his chest, simultaneously lightening the weight of each bone in his body. Could that be what he is? “Pansexual… Pansexual? I don’t know what that means.”
Darnell butts in, “You’re attracted to pans and every kitchen’s your dream- ouch!,” he’s interrupted by a harsh elbow in the rib. “No, jackass! Pan people like other people in general… kinda? It’s like being bi but it’s not the same as being bi. They aren’t limited by gender preferences, and shit like that, they just… fucking date whoever they happen to like.” Pico thrums his fingers on the picnic table, turning the new word and its definition over in his head. “Pansexual… aren’t limited… whoever they like… hmm. Well, I guess I’m pan then!”
They continued eating lunch like the conversation never happened. Pico felt as light as a feather. Pansexual, huh? Yeah, he’s pansexual! The definition made sense, it fit him; he was perfectly in tune with himself now! Pretty easy to figure the rest of this shit out, right? Definitely!… Until Darnell asks him a question.
“You’ll come out to your parents now, right? You said you would after you figured out your shit,” Darnell queries, aiming his sights away from his makeshift toothpick campfire and the magnifying glass in his hand to his friend. Nene hums inquisitively as Pico laughs loudly at the other boy’s question. He grins smugly, pointing at Darnell playfully, “Dude, really? You’ve met my parents! My dads are so fucking gay, like really fucking gay! I don’t need to come out at this point; I have nothing to worry about.”
The older boy purses his lip quizzically, raising a dark brow, “Peek, just for your sake, I’m warning you now: don’t say ‘nothing’. My aunt Aliyah’s a lesbian and she gave me a bunch of shit after I came out as bisexual. ‘That’s ridiculous!’, ya know? ‘You’re gay or you’re not gay!’” Darnell loured, and his two friends were shocked to hear this information about his aunt for the first time. Pico frowns, giving the also stunned Nene a questioning look for further inquiry. The girl shrugs and says, “I, wow, well, Darnell has a point. Your dads are gay, sure, but I guess you still have a chance of, um, not being accepted.”
“What about not being accepted?” a new voice chimes in from behind Pico. He chokes on his spit, thankful he didn’t have any food or drink to spit out in his mouth. Boyfriend sits with them for lunch like he said he would today, curious about the conversation he’s missed. ”Welcome to the party Beebop,” Nene greets, smirking at the glaring Pico when she uses the code name to refer to Boyfriend. “Pico’s gotta come out to his folks like he said he would for the past year,” contextualizes Darnell, prompting Boyfriend to jump in with his own support.
“Dude, finally! That’s great!” Boyfriend adds, nudging Pico’s side, who does his best to not let his flusteredness be obvious, “So, uhh, w-what are you anyways?” Pico thinks he imagines that stutter, and he ignores Darnell and Nene’s suggestive looks. Those fucking assholes, always teasing him for his obvious crush. Unfortunately, Boyfriend is oblivious, which makes it hard for Pico to find a way to confess without outright saying it. Fortunately, this also meant he didn’t pick up on anyone else’s hints, either.
“Uuuuum… I just found out… I’m pansexual…?” Pico says hesitantly, and mentally sighs in relief when Boyfriend shows no sign of judgement. The cyanette plops a cracker in his mouth, “Ohoho, th-that’s cool! By the way, I heard a good place to get a date for someone like you: a restaurant; trust me, the pans are everywhere!” Pico scoffs, but still smiles, ineffectively shoving the snickering Boyfriend, “We’ve already made that joke, you’re not funny or original!” They both yelp at the harsh kick from under the table, courtesy of Nene.
“Fucking none of you are! Anyways,” she points a knife (a plastic one, Darnell already swapped her metal one for a less self-harm-risky alternative) at the ginger, ”stop being a little bitch - especially a whiny little bitch - and fucking tell your parents you’re pan like you said you would.” Pico rolls his eyes, “It’s just… now? I’m not sure - actually wait yeah I can-… er, uh, I don’t know.” He mentally slams his head on the table for stuttering in front of his crush. “Don’t you have two dads though?” Boyfriend, the crush, asks, “It’ll be easier, since, y’know… they’re gay.”
Boyfriend repeats Pico’s argument from earlier. Pico huffs, leaning his head on his palm and pointing his thumb at Darnell, “Arson Man over here has an aunt who doesn’t like him for liking both dick and pussy, even though she herself likes pussy. So, uh, I guess there’s a chance it won’t be easy?” Boyfriend gives Darnell a questioning, sympathetic look, and he gets an affirmative, somber nod in return. “Well, damn, that just sucks dude.”It’s silent again, a lot more awkward than the last silence, and the group eats their lunch just as awkwardly.
“Hey,” Boyfriend interjects, catching everyone’s attention, “I just want to say that we’ve got your back, Peek. We’ve all got each other’s backs! We’re f-friends, so we’re supposed to, right? I think you’ll be fine, but if you aren’t we’ll be there for you, ya?” That’s a spiel a lot longer than Boyfriend is usually willing to speak. Pico attempts to avoid those surprisingly passionate eyes, but he meets them anyway just to tease his own feelings. He smiles at Boyfriend’s words.
“Wow, thanks Bee. My dad and papa are fucking stupid, but they love me and, because of that, I have don’t have nothing to worry about… I think,” Pico contemplates. He’s sure his parents won’t care, he’s very, very sure. While they’re both fucking crazy, they’re crazy in all the ways that don’t involve not accepting him. Pico is confident, now, that, yeah, they won’t trash him. They’re gay, if they did that it would make them huge hypocrites.
His thoughts are interrupted when the five minute bell rings, signaling to all the students that they need to return to class. “Ah, great, we’ll see you guys later- agh!” Pico shouts, because Boyfriend had pushed him off the table’s bench and started sprinting. “I’m beating you to English this time, asshole!” Pico scrambles off the grass, making to chase Boyfriend and hopefully pass him. “Fuck you, bitch! You’re a fucking cheater!” The two teens left behind look at each other smugly, packing their things as they thought the same thing.
“Tell me, Ne, is there a word for being attracted to short people with blue hair and a rapper complex? If there is, I personally think it suits him better,” Darnell teases, making a heart shape with his hands towards the leaving pair. The girl chuckles through her last bite of her sandwich, “Hmm I believe it to be Beebop-sexual, my friend, the word is Beebop-sexual.” They both snicker, following their friends back to class.
———
Pico went home later that day. Some extra research on Google and with more of his friends really hammered in that he was pan. It just made sense, at least for him. He’s found himself, and the only thing he has left to do is to deliver the message.
Furthermore, just like he promised himself for nearly a year, he’s confident enough tonight that he was going to tell Dad and Papa he wasn’t straight since he’s now figured out what his non-heterosexuality was. Hearing Darnell’s experience with his gay aunt was a bit disheartening, but he knew his parents well. If anything they’d slap him across the back of the head and ground him for not telling them sooner. Which would be the worst response… hopefully.
Also, maybe he should have picked a better day for this, because he kinda forgot that both Dad and Papa were really fucking booked and stressed with their schedules today.
“Heeyy, I’m home!” announces Pico through the front door, tossing his book bag to be next to the couch, which he lazily collapses on to. He remembers that they were busy a few moments after. The lack of a ‘Welcome back, Peekaboo!’ from John or a shout from Steve about throwing his bag carelessly reminded him they were scrambling around doing shit. There’s a loud fury of stomps from the stairs, and Pico lifts his head to see both Dad and Papa run down the stairs, looking very unkempt while being dressed real nicely.
Oh yeah… all the dominoes really lined up and fell onto this date, huh? Papa’s career as an author has picked up lately and he had a book interview that he arranged to go to today, then John had to attend a long meeting for his business that required him to be there because he was, y’know, the owner, and then finally there was that double date-catch up thing with Uncles George and Lou later that night that they didn’t want to postpone for a third time. Today is a busy, busy day for them, which Pico had completely forgotten about.
Well then… he’s not gonna let that stop him from coming out today, now is it?
Finally, they both manage to acknowledge their kid, who’s lazing on the couch looking at them curiously. “A-ah, welcome home, Pico!” Steve grins apologetically, and Pico waves nonchalantly in response. “Sorry we can’t stay long, kiddo,” John sighs, “we’ll be back around midnight, I promise.” The teen nods, then gestures towards the kitchen, “Is there still left over pizza? Because I’m not cooking jack shit today,” he asks, and he tries to recoil from the rough hand ruffling his hair.
“There is, now tell me the three golden rules if we’re gone,” Dad confirms and orders, and Pico rolls his eyes. “One - don’t leave to go anywhere at all. Two - don’t invite or open the door for anyone. Three - do all my school work, then I can fuck off for the day.” John grins down at him and he can hear Steve’s chuckling at the front door… wait a second. “Alright Peek, we’ll see you later,” Dad turns to leave, “we love you, and don’t set the house on fire.”
Pico feels a slight panic. Shit, they’re leaving now? But he wanted to come out right now! Right now right now! He didn’t think he’d have this little time - what, less than a minute!? He springs up from the couch, lunging forwards and manages to grasp the sleeves of both his fathers’ jackets. John and Steve jump in surprise, and both of them didn’t want another distraction to delay them again.
“Papa, Dad! I have something to tell you guys!” Announces Pico as he tugs both their arms to make them turn and look at him. Steve stumbles as he’s turned, and he checks his watch worryingly. “Pico, is it really that important you need to tell us now?” The ginger nods with affirmation, and John, the family’s stickler to a strict, proactive schedule, sighs, “Shit kid, be fucking quick with it, then! Make it thirty words or less, we’re running late!”
“Alright! I can even say it right now with way less,” he inhales, “I finally figured it out: I’m pansexual!” All the frustration in the group disappeared. Well, that was unexpected. Now the house is silent. “…Uhh, yeah, that’s it, you can leave now…” They all three stare at each other for a moment. Well, there’s no shouting, no questions… at all… that’s a good sign! “…I’m going to do my homework now.” Pico shrugs at his confused parents, abruptly turning and making his way upstairs with his bag to his room.
The slight frazzlement fades away, and the couple looked at each other. “Peek, he’s… pansexual?” Steve asks, “What the fuck is a pansexu-AL?” Captain rudely interrupts him, yanking his husband’s arm to leave out the front door. “No time, Sunshine! We gotta go, and we’ll talk to him later.” The blonde sputters, clearly wanting to settle this now but his wants are ignored. John chuckles, because he honestly didn’t know what pansexual meant either.
Whatever, they’d talk to him about it when they got home.
As they leave, Pico does his homework, a weight off his shoulders disappearing.
See, that was pretty easy now, wasn’t it? he thinks calmly, organizing all his calculus equations and English papers back into their respectful folders
Then he plays video games for the rest of the afternoon, because his parents wouldn’t be home until midnight. Yeah, what a great start for the weekend!
———
It’s thirty past midnight, and Pico is now on Discord, moving his attention from his 30th playthrough of modded Skyrim to interact with his equally awake gang of misfits. It’s a Friday (er, Saturday morning) night, so he has an excuse to be up this late. They all could have done some cool alternative shit like going to the park to hang out or something, but everyone’s been exhausted since Spring Break ended. So they just texted and virtually fucked around on Discord. What else did they want to do anyway?
“Hyoooo, Pico, how did it go with your parents?” Nene suddenly asks after an hour of sending each other a bunch of memey bullshit. “Uh, good? I told you guys they wouldn’t give a shit!” He hears Darnell’s mic pick up some clatter - he’s clearly fucking around with some lighter or match - who then accuses half dramatically, half teasingly. “I don’t believe you, bitch.” Pico raises his eyebrows at that. Darnell even called him a bitch! “What, c’mon dude, what do you mean?” he asks incredulously, “I 100% did. I told them, and they didn’t give a fuck.”
He neglects to tell them he timed the announcement awkwardly. Pico literally left them hanging, revealing his identity with so little room to discuss or to get a true reaction. But, technically, he wasn’t lying, and he had told them. “Yo I think he’s telling the truth,” Boyfriend inputs, “Your parents are so chill, Peek, I wish my mom was like them.” Pico shrugs, his visible blush protected by his computer screen. God damn, Boyfriend was a dumbass but he always jumps in to save his roasted ass.
“Hmm, that’s great to hear though; we’re happy you’re accepted!” Another voice pipes up, which belongs to Carol. “I didn’t have time to tell you earlier, but I’m pan as well, Peek, haha! I’m glad someone else can join the club.” The ginger hums, smiling at his semi-cousin and friend’s offer. “Wow, okay! Good to know!” Carol’s partner decides to chime in, doing the typical pansexual pun schtick. “Just don’t have too much fun with whatever pan you find in the cupboards,” Sunday says as they add a few pictures of frying pans with poorly edited anime blushes into the chat.
Half the server laughs, the other groans. “This joke is so bad, please stoooop!” Nene complains. Pico and Carol groan alongside her. The joke was funny once, but their friends always kept doing it, because apparently it was peak comedy. “What do you mean? Look at the handle of that sucker,” Darnell laughs, “and those curves! Woo, that’s pretty sexy.” Boyfriend, his dumbass crush, joins in too, “Yeah, and well polished too. Those look more like fucking pans than frying pans to me!” Pico finally cuts them all off with loud faux anger, “I SWEAR TO GOD! I’M DONE, WE’RE NOT CALLING THEM FUCKING PANS!”
Discord chimes, signaling the entrance of a new challenger into the ring. “What’s that about fucking pans?” Brady asks humorously, chuckling at his lack of context. “Why’s the college kid here?” Sunday teases Pico’s older cousin, “Kinda creepy you decided to hang out with us, especially at fucking midnight.” The young man laughs, alongside the others present in the server. “Because it’s bedtime. No joke, my mom told me to tell you guys that, pfft, on behalf of everyone’s parents, go the fuck to sleep.”
A collective of ‘nah’s, ‘nope’s, and a loud ‘hell the fuck no’ from Carol follows through, the last one making the server crack up again. “It’s Friday,” Darnell justifies, ignoring Pico’s smartass correction of ‘it’s Saturday actually’, “we have our time off finally.” The group hums in stubborn teenaged agreement. “Yeah, and just to spite Brady’s mom I’ll be awake all night-“ Boyfriend starts, but is interrupted by a loud, barely legible feminine voice being picked up by his microphone.
Everyone cackles at the irony. They’re all familiar enough with Ms. Heart’s voice that they knew she just told her son to go to bed. “That’s fine, cuz you’ll listen to your mommy, right Bee?” Nene snarks, prompting his other friends to join in, playfully calling him a ‘mama’s boy.’ Boyfriend takes the teasing in stride, and Pico can perfectly picture the cyanette rubbing the back of his neck nervously right now. The mental image was cute. God damn, he has it real bad, doesn’t he? “Nnng, you guys suck, haha. Well, good night, I guess.”
He disconnects, returning the server’s count back to six. They still snicker, but their target of friendly mockery shifts once more when the eldest pipes up. “Hey, fucking pans are nice and all, but how about we discuss rappers with blue hair? I think Pico likes those better.” Said teen blushes, groaning and thankful Boyfriend was no longer in the call. “S-Shut the fuck up, Brady!” His cousin laughs, followed by a gaggle of more teasing laughter from the rest of the server. If Pico hadn’t liked them so much, he’d be strangling all of his friends right fucking now.
Pico’s chaotic and semi-embarrassing conversation with his peers is interrupted when he hears the loud front door opening and closing down stairs. “PICO!” he hears Papa call, “We know as well as you do that you’re not asleep. Come down here, we need to, uh, talk!” Uhhmm, okay? Pico sighs, redirecting his attention to his still giggling friends. “I gotta go, Papa just called me,” he says as he disconnects, ignoring Brady and Darnell’s further teasing.
He didn’t realize how tired he was until he stood, and he forced himself to march down the stairs to see what his parents had in store for him. Rubbing his eyes, the ginger makes his way to the kitchen. He sees Steve sitting on a bar stool and John’s leaning against the fridge. They both stare at him. An awkward atmosphere takes hold of the kitchen. “Heeyy, uhh, what is it?” he asks curiously, and his parents looked at each other and shrugged. Then John decides to take the lead.
“What’s this pansexual business?” the noirette asks bluntly. Pico stares a moment, calm as a cucumber, “Pansexual, uh, that would be me… I’m pansexual.” That’s not really the answer they were looking for, apparently. “What we mean is… what the hell is that?” Papa inquires, “We’ve not heard of this term before.” The confusion is finally dispelled, and Pico let’s a sigh of relief slip, “Oh, okay. Uh, it’s when you like everyone- n-not everyone, but… I like people in general, and their gender isn’t a, uh, factor in my… attraction?”
That was the practiced as fuck definition Carol had given him over the phone, anyway. “Okay, so… you like girls and boys, or whoever,” Steve processes carefully, “but that doesn’t really affect you?” Pico nods, shrugging to ignore his tiredness and awkwardness. John hums, “You’re hogging all the pretty people, huh?” The boy snorts, grinning, “Yeah, you can phrase it that way I guess, I don’t mind!” He laughs some more, because, yeah, he kinda was hogging all the pretty people for his own eyes, huh?
“Well alright then. Phew, I’m just glad now that my future kid-in-law wasn’t going to be some sort of cooking utensil,” John jokes, and Steve begins to laugh. Pico let out an annoyed groan, covering his face in frustration because he was just so tired of it. Of course Dad of all people would also be one to spout that stupid fucking joke he hates! Whatever, all that matters is that he’s out now, and accepted. His parents are dumbasses, but they were dumbasses he loved and they were dumbasses that loved him. That’s the only important thing here.
Also, the worst case scenario hadn’t happened at all, he wasn’t grounded! Hell yeah, more power to this stupid lovey dovey household!