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The first time he meets George, they’re at a skatepark.
The sunlight catches on his high cheeks, reflecting gold and soft carmine as he squints, slender fingers connected to thin wrists, being brought up to his eyes as a shield from the sun. Sapnap has his hair tied back, resting a foot on his skateboard as his friends attempt continuous trick shots around him and failing miserably.
He’s taking a break when he sees his friend—Dream, approaching their group from the distance, with a stranger in tow. The person he’s dragging beside him seems reluctant, and loses to Dream in the height department, letting himself be unwillingly manhandled their way.
“Guys, I want you to meet George! He’s from my computer science classes!” Dream waves to them, enthusiastic and loud, his voice booming across the park as he beckons them over. Alex and Karl have bolted over before Sapnap can even get a proper look at the guy, crowded between the most energetic, high-spirited people he knew.
He’s heard of George before, the friend from class that shared all the same interests as Dream, the one that codes better than him, always sending him the funniest memes— that George. Although he’s never met the guy, he’s only heard good things, so he waits, seated in the direct sun, idly listening to the scratching of wheels as they scrape across the concrete.
Dream takes George by the wrist and immediately scoots between Karl and Alex to reach Sapnap. Up close, George is as pale as they come, porcelain skin and dark lashes, his brown hair looked fluffy, and Sapnap wonders how soft it’d be if he touched it.
“Hi,” greeted George plainly, looking down at Sapnap with curious eyes. He notices his accent and remembers when Dream mentioned he wasn’t a local.
“George, this is Sapnap. Sapnap, George,” introduced Dream, a beaming grin split across his tanned, freckled face.
“Hi,” replied Sapnap, flashing George a small smile. It’s awkward, for a split second, and it’s worst when Dream dashes off to fetch them drinks, barely letting George follow in time as he disappears.
Trust Dream to leave him stranded with the new guy, uneasy tension lines the air between them as the silence grows. George has his arms crossed, a slight furrow in his brow as he stares at the concrete ramps.
“Um, do you skate?” asks Sapnap, politely diffusing the awkward silence.
“No.” George doesn’t make any eye contact with his reply, and Sapnap doesn’t know what to make of it.
“You’re in Dream’s class, right?”
“Obviously.” He doesn’t miss the tone and frowns when he’s left with nothing but with more silence to follow.
He rolls his skateboard under his feet, letting it scrape the pavement as he leans back, challenging George with his prudent stare.
“Not much of a talker?” George turns his head in response, painted disinterest in his dark-brown eyes as he points him with an unimpressed stare. George just shrugs, and Sapnap cocks a brow in question.
“For someone so cute, you sure have an attitude.” He’s met with an abrupt look of distaste, sharp eyes burning holes into his smug face, and Sapnap can’t help but feel pleased with himself for getting a reaction out of him.
“What the hell did you just—”
“I’m back!” Dream rushes back as fast at he left, bottled sodas balanced by large hands as he hands them out. George is cut off when he’s handed his drink, Dream insisting he tries it in front of them so that they could witness his first impression. George rolls his eyes and concedes as he brings it to his lips.
He’s less tense when Dream is around, his expression more lax and open as he engages in easy conversation. Sometimes, Sapnap wished he had Dream’s charisma, the ability to pull people in was second nature to the tall man.
They skirt around each other as the sun sets, Sapnap mainly sticking to his own, practising his flips as George remained on the side, chatting with Dream and his other friends. Eventually, everyone gets hungry, and they find themselves at the closest pizza parlour, ordering to their heart’s content after they’ve spent so long outdoors in the beating sun.
He’s the last to get his meal, and the only open seat is next to George. He shrugs and seats himself next to George, who is only slightly startled by his appearance.
Karl carries the conversation with his stories, and Sapnap is content with eating and listening, laughing when Dream coughs up his drink at a joke he didn’t even find that funny. He glances to the side and notices George barely touching his slice.
“Not hungry?” asked Sapnap, leaning towards George as he spoke.
George sighs, and flicks the pizza as if it offended him. “I don’t like olives.”
Sapnap points him a weird look. “Then why’d you order it?”
“I didn’t, Dream did.” George warily eyes Dream, who was too involved in his talk with Karl to notice George’s reluctance to eat. Sapnap remembers a time when he was nervous to eat in front of new people, so he takes the matter into his own hands.
“Here, my slice doesn’t have olives, we can swap.” He picks his plate up, careful so that the flimsy paper plate doesn’t give under his grip, and slides George’s plate over to his side, plopping his plate down before he could protest. “Hope you don’t mind tomatoes.”
George has a petulant scowl on his face, lips parted as though he was going to disagree, until he grumbles out a quiet, “thank you.”
He waits for George to eat, making sure he didn’t mind the slice he traded before he brings up George’s slice and takes his own bite. He’s never been a particularly picky eater, so olives weren’t a big deal to him. He rejoins the table’s conversation, listening to Alex’s grand analysis of his latest favourite tv show—until he feels as though he’s being watched.
He quickly glances to his side, and sure enough, George had been looking at him, averting his gaze when he’s suddenly caught. Sapnap grins, and nudges George by the shoulder, earning himself an annoyed huff.
“You still hungry?” he asked.
George fixes him with a firm glare, and Sapnap doesn’t know why he finds it so amusing—and mostly unconvincing. “I’m not.”
“You sure? We should grab dessert, there’s a great froyo place not far from here—”
“I said I’m fine,” snapped George. Sapnap clicks his tongue, slightly put off by his attitude, but decidedly not deterred enough to relent.
“Guys!” Sapnap beckoned, alerting the other people at the table, cutting them off mid-conversation. “George wants froyo.”
“I don’t!”
“Yes! Let’s go!” Karl cheered, pumping a fist up and he excitedly leaves his seat. Dream laughs, collecting their plates and drinks to dispose of to the nearest bin. Sapnap smiles, wolfish and proud as he slaps George on the shoulder, who responds by slapping his hand away.
He doesn’t know why he’s so keen on impressing George, especially when the other man barely wants to be around him for some odd reason. They manage to find an unoccupied space at the closest parking lot, cold cups of frozen yogurt in each hand, delighted at finishing off the day with dessert.
Sapnap’s thoughts are kept busy with George, watching him as he brings each spoonful to his mouth, very much less grumpy once he’s actually tried it. Dream asks for a taste, and George nods, letting Dream scoop from his cup to try.
“Can I try too?” asked Sapnap, already knowing the answer when George doesn’t look at him.
“No.”
Sapnap pouts. “Why not? I’ll let you try mine.” He’s ignored, George focusing on finishing his dessert, purposely tuning Sapnap out.
“I want to try!” piped up Karl, his own cup long gone after he scoffed it down. Sapnap chuckles, scooping up a generous spoonful before holding it up to Karl’s mouth. He playfully withdraws it a couple of times, egging Karl on as he attempts to close his mouth around it. He’s being wrangled by swift hands, angling his wrist down until Karl successfully captures a bite.
They end up in fits of laughter on the asphalt, Dream shaking his head as the pair continue to snicker.
They end their day on a good note, Dream offering to drive George back while Karl takes Sapnap and Alex back in his own car.
He’s exhausted, and ignores the pestering feeling of being watched as they part ways.
——————
Avoiding George was harder than avoiding his moods.
George had successfully integrated into their friend group, and days when he didn’t see George were getting fewer by the week. Sapnap didn’t mind seeing him, he was just unsure as to why he held such aversion to his presence when he got too close.
He found the best way of dealing with George’s attitude was to simply overlook it. He’d meet every frown with his own smile, deflect his grumpy countenance with his own lively nature, and extend kindness whenever he can.
Of course, it didn’t mean he wasn’t going to give George a hard time when he could, sometimes he made it too easy. Some days, he’d catch him idly staring, eyes shadowed by curiosity, underlying emotions unseen as he calls him out for it, teasing him until he’s red in the face.
One night, Alex throws a small get together at his place, in celebration of passing his exams. There’s alcohol involved, and Sapnap isn’t one to say no to group events.
He’s stumbling out of the kitchen, a drink in one hand as he scans the living room of familiar faces, and finds George pressed into the furthest corner of a couch. Their eyes meet, and Sapnap grins as he beelines for him, ignoring a pout of exasperation as Sapnap plops down to crowd him in.
“You drinking?” asked Sapnap, eyeing the red cup George held between delicate fingers.
“I am,” he replied. “It tastes horrible. I don’t know what Alex put in this.”
“Probably everything, knowing him,” sniped Sapnap, chuckling at George’s disgruntled face. He extends his cup towards George’s, taps it with his own as he mutters a childish ‘clink!’ , laughing when George quickly pulls away.
“Do you want to do a shot instead?” Sapnap quirks up a brow in offer.
“Absolutely not,” declined George.
Sapnap shrugs. “Suit yourself.”
The night carries on, and Sapnap drowns out the conversation around him by downing as much alcohol as he can. Alex continues to brag about his grades, and Sapnap is dreadfully reminded of his own. He unexpectedly let them slip recently, and it wasn’t doing his emotional state any favours. He didn’t live up to his friend’s academic success, always falling short in some aspect. He’d always been a straight-A student in high school, yet college was a whole other ball game, one he was failing miserably at.
Less thinking, more alcohol he decides, so he abandons the couch and heads outside for fresh air with a new drink in hand. He zones out, letting his vision go askew and unbalanced as he becomes tipsier with each drink. The time around him feels unsteady, and he’s unsure of how long he’s been loitering outside.
He doesn’t say no when a guy he’s never met offers him a hit from his joint, taking it between clumsy fingers, breathing in hot smoke and holding it in, letting it heat his core until he has to exhale.
He thanks the unknown man, and stumbles inside when he gets too cold. He doesn’t realise where he sits until he hears a voice perk up next to him.
“You smell awful.” His head rolls to the side, leaned against the back of the couch as he attempts to centre himself. He’s spinning a bit, and it takes him a while to respond.
“Thanks,” he replied, straightening his head so he didn’t feel so unbalanced, closing his eyes when he feels a bit too disorienting. “Feel dizzy…”
George sneers, and Sapnap rethinks his decision on sitting next to him. “Why’d you drink so much? I’ve seen you drinking all night.”
Why were you watching me?
He doesn’t have the heart to voice his thoughts, doesn’t want to go on a longwinded spiel about his bad grades and piss-poor mood. Instead, he opts for silence, lets it fill the space between them as opposed to speaking.
“Are you… okay?” The unexpected concern throws him off a bit, opening his eyes as he adjusts to the light, landing amber eyes on an apprehensive face. He doesn’t know what to make of it, knows that George could leave his side if he wanted to, let him wallow in his self-pity alone.
“I’ll be honest, Georgie, I’m pretty sleepy…” He lets his eyes flutter close, let the dizziness slow itself as he evens his breathing. “I think mixing the drinks with the weed was a bad idea, I don’t feel so good.”
He feels George shift beside him, waves of unease apparent in the way he fidgets.
“Do you need, like, water, or something?” offered George, uncertainty laced in his voice. Sapnap doesn’t like the feeling it gives him, doesn’t know why George is being nice all of a sudden, maybe he’s in trouble, maybe he needs more fresh air. “You’re breathing really heavy.”
He snaps, for a quick second, pulls himself off the couch and stands on unsteady legs, staggering as he tries to move away, get away from the noise and the walls that close in on him. He’s close to the foot of the stairs, facing the front door until he collapses, vision blacking as his head thumps against the wall.
“Sapnap! Are you okay?” George rushes into view, cold hands supporting his head, leaning him upwards so he doesn’t fall. “Dude, don’t sleep here, please!” He groans, George’s pleas piercing through as he exhales heavy breaths.
“I’m fine…” He’s not, he needs to lay down, and George panicking in front of him wasn’t doing him any favours. “Can you call me an Uber?”
George nods, fishing his phone out of his back pocket with one hand, trembling fingers tapping against his phone screen as it lights up his face, painting his features in luminescence. His fingers feel nice against his head, and he pushes through the fog to reach up, pulling George’s fingers out of his hair to lace them in his own.
“I’ll stay awake, I promise,” he whispered, letting their hands fall to his lap, intertwined in each other. It was warm, and it was grounding him, and as the minutes ticked by, he waited for George to pull away, but he didn’t.
Eventually, his Uber comes, and George gets in with him and stays with him even when they reach his house. Except it’s not his house, and he’s confused when a warm body joins him on the sidewalk, leading him in with a firm grip.
“Where…” he questioned, compliant as George unlocks the front door.
“This is my place. Get in quick, it’s bloody cold.” He feels a rush at those words, perking up at the sight of George’s residence for the first time. It’s still too dark to make out any details, and he’s still very wasted by how much he stumbles inside.
George throws him on the couch, fetching him a pillow and blankets, before setting aside a glass of water and some aspirin on the coffee table. When he finally lays back properly, sinking into the plush of the couch’s cushion, his eyes close and darkness encompasses him.
Finally, he sleeps.
——————
The following morning, he’s met with two headaches.
The one currently pounding away inside his cranium was as unforgiving as most hangovers are. He’s dehydrated and sick to the stomach, so he downs the glass of water like a lifeline, sitting up to orient himself as much as he can.
George stood across him, hands crossed and eyebrows pinched in irritation. He was wearing an oversized hoodie and some sweats, and Sapnap thought it was endearing with how angry he looked in clothes a few sizes too big for him.
“Good morning,” croaked Sapnap.
“It’s one o’clock,” stated George, as blunt as ever.
Sapnap grabs his phone, confirming the time and ignoring the plethora of texts he received from last night. He’ll just deal with that later, right now, he was in George’s house, dealing with a very pissed off Brit.
“I’m sorry…” he began, taking in his surroundings. “I didn’t think you’d take me back to your place.”
“I didn’t know where you lived.”
“You could have asked,” he pointed out, yawning as he stretches himself, pulling his arms over his shoulders and tensing them.
“You’re insufferable. Get dressed and get out.” He watches George storm off, heading to the kitchen seemingly in a fit of rage. How amusing, he thinks to himself, as he stands to continue his stretch. He’s sore, but now that he’s fully awake he was more ravenous than anything else.
He ducks into the kitchen, eyeing George as he brews himself a cup of tea.
“Have you eaten?” asked Sapnap, sliding in the kitchen stool.
“Sapnap, get out.” George braces both palms on the island counter, a firm glare pointed his way. Sapnap raises both hands, relaying his peace.
“Let me buy you lunch.” He clasps both hands together, holding them in front of his face, head bowing in unspoken apology. “Please, Georgie, let me make it up to you for taking care of me last night.” He continues to hold his head down, shoulders caving in as he pleads for George’s agreement.
A pregnant pause fills the room, nothing but the sound of the kettle boiling in the background.
“Fine.” He observes the tension lining his brows, the hesitance in his balled hands as they press firmly against the countertops. He’s thankful and more relieved than anything. It was his first time over, and he’d be damned if he didn’t make the most of it.
He hands George his phone. “Pick what you like.” He lets George browse through the menu, settling for the closest burger point so that they wouldn’t have to wait long. After he gets George to enter in his address, he smiles—lazy and bright. “Can I use your shower?”
“What am I—a hotel?” snapped George.
“Please, I feel like death. I’ll be quick, I promise!” He doesn’t know what dried up fluids stick to his skin other than sweat, but he wanted nothing more than to rid himself of last night’s grime if he could.
“Be quick. I’m not waiting for you when the food arrives.”
He relays his thanks, and once directed to the bathroom, heads straight to the shower. The relief is a godsend, and he washes himself in soaps that smell like George—sweet lavender with mild undertones of citrus. Floral scents always seemed to match George so well, and he’s unabashed as he lathers himself in it.
He keeps to his promise and re-enters the kitchen to find George sitting by the counter.
“Where’s your shirt?” piqued George, frowning as his eyes scan over Sapnap’s bare chest. He quickly averts his gaze, returning them to his tea in front of him.
“Shirt’s gross. Also, I get too hot after a shower anyways.” He stands across from him, observing his hunched stature over the counter, admiring his hair when it's more unkempt than usual.
“Why’d you drink so much last night?” asked George, eyes not leaving his cup as he dips the teabag in and out of his tea. Sapnap is not sure where the question comes from, but he supposes he deserved an answer considering their turn of events.
“I got carried away on accident, it happens.” George looks up from under his lashes, as if he sensed the lie in his voice.
“Doesn’t seem like you, to drink so much.”
“Well, let’s just say I was in a shit mood, okay?” His tone comes out harsher than he’d like, but George remains unbothered by it, almost seeming bored if it weren’t for his intense stare. He grits his teeth, slowly unwinding, unwilling compelled by the way George looks at him.
He sighs, taking in a breath to steady himself. “I didn’t do well in my last exam, and I barely passed my classes. The party was a shit reminder, so I drank a bit too much, alright?”
His admission of guilt claws heavy at his chest, and his appetite sinks low at the thought of George’s condescension—his pity, even. He doesn’t like feeling shame or inadequacy, and he wonders what it must feel like for George who had it so easy.
“They can’t be that bad,” mumbled George.
“They are. My dad’s gonna kill me if I bomb another test.” His dad didn’t even know about his recent failure, barely scraping a pass after he had pulled an all-nighter for an assignment he started too late into the semester.
George has a contemplative look on his face. “We can study together—if you want?”
He looks up, questioning as he stares at George from across the counter, still seeping his tea, tight-lipped and stubbornly avoiding his eye contact. It’s the first time George has offered for them to hang out outside their friend groups, only ever together by association.
He’s unsure what’s sparked this on, but then again, George has always been a little hard to read.
“I mean, sure? I’m down—it’ll probably help me focus if I have someone holding me accountable.” George looks up, a small smile stretched on pink lips, and he gingerly sips his tea.
“I will drop you if you fool around,” warned George, a hint of playfulness gleams in his eyes, and Sapnap feels drawn in wonderment.
“I don’t doubt that, Georgie.” As if on cue, the doorbell rings. “Oh, looks like our lunch date is here.”
He ignores the indignant scowl George sends him and misses the flush that paints his cheeks after.
——————
Study sessions with George started as strict as he’d imagine—hours of work with little play.
The first few times they met up were in public settings, usually the campus library or a popular cafe that had decent wifi. Eventually, Sapnap suggests for them to head to his place, where they could be more comfortable and study for longer hours. When these days become more frequent, they interchanged between George’s place and his own, letting the comfort of their own homes provide privacy and better focus.
Time alone with George was definitely an education in itself. They fell into a comfortable rhythm after long hours spent hunched over assessment briefs, going over lecture notes, and brainstorming ideas. It helped that he looked forward to every meeting, and his grades definitely reflected his hard work, so in his eyes, it’s a win-win for him.
As hardened as George normally is around him, cracks in his demeanour were spotted, and Sapnap used every opportunity to slip through. He’d push closer, innocently edging his way towards George when asking a question, or he would buy him coffee on days he had time to, not ever needing him to repay the favour.
As much as he’d like to think he chipped away at George’s cold exterior, there was always something holding him back from truly opening up. He observed it in the way he’d flinch back when he noticed Sapnap leaning it too close, or turning his head when he was accidentally caught staring.
Two steps forward, one step back.
Their relaxed dynamic did lead them to hang out outside study sessions, and Sapnap let relief fill his lungs when George didn’t resist the first time he asked him out for lunch. His grades were improving, so he planned it under the pretence of gratitude.
They always found their way to someone’s place at the end of the day, whether it be his or George’s, it became a tradition to reward their hard efforts by spending time playing video games or watching the latest trendy TV show.
The best reward was semester break when Sapnap would celebrate in jubilant roars of excitement at passing with flying colours. He remembered running up to George, laughter spilling from toothy grins as he grabs him from behind, lifting him with ease as he’s met with fiery protest.
“Sapnap! Let me down!” shouted George, squirming and pushing at his arms as he’s slowly let down. Dream laughs at the sudden commotion and raises a questioning brow at Sapnap as he dodges George’s hits.
“What’s all this about?” asked Dream.
Sapnap grins, holding George at arm’s length with ease as he ignores his pointed glares. “Semester’s over, and thanks to Georgie here, I finish with stellar marks!” He looks at George, mesmerised by the pink that dusts his cheeks.
“It was nothing. You just needed to study.” George pulls his arms away, rubbing at his wrists as he ducks towards Dream, seemingly using the taller man as a human shield.
“Still, couldn’t have done it without you.” His honesty is met with deep vermillion, and George turns his head further to hide behind Dream. Sapnap brushes it off, spotting Karl and Alex not too far off as they bound through the hallway, noticeably ready to hit the ramps. He turns to George. “I’ll see you later?”
George nods. “Sure.”
Unfortunately, Sapnap doesn’t see him for a while.
Obviously, there wasn’t a reason for them to study during their break, but that didn’t mean he didn’t try reaching out. They had hung out plenty of times before without studying, but for some reason, George had made himself more unavailable than before.
That’s fine, it wasn’t like he was his only friend. George was plenty popular, and most likely hanging out with his other friends. Right, he couldn’t take it personally, Sapnap knew when to take hints.
The first time Sapnap sees him again is at another party, and maybe it’s because he’s kept count of the days he’s last seen him, or because he’s stared at one too many pictures on social media, but seeing George again makes him breathless.
He’s in a collared shirt fitted over with an oversized sweater, and Sapnap fawns over his flop of hair as it sticks out. The gap between almost daily encounters to radio silence isn’t forgotten, so he doesn’t approach him until he’s gotten at least a few drinks in him for liquid courage.
“Hey, stranger.” He finds him outside, tucked against the stairs on the porch under the moonlight. His cheeks are slightly pink, and he’s idly playing on his phone, distracted and dazed.
“Hi,” greeted George plainly, tucking his phone into his pocket as Sapnap sits beside him.
“Haven’t seen you in a while. Been up to much?” His tone is casual, purposely devoid of any emotion.
“Um—not really. Been playing a lot of games with Dream. Alex took me to his favourite restaurant the other day, was pretty good.” His recount is innocent enough, and Sapnap wonders what George would say if he took him to his favourite restaurant, wonders if he’d let him indulge, let him hold his hand when it gets cold and let him take him home to where it’d be warmer.
He shakes the thought, and takes another swig of his drink.
“You, er, seeing anyone, George?” he asked, clearing his throat when it awkwardly catches on a random note. George points him a puzzled look at the sudden question.
“I’m not, no.” He doesn’t let the relief show, hides his smile behind the palm of his hand as he leans an elbow on his knee.
“Is that so, no one tried to ask you out yet?” He teased, giggling when he’s met with a dramatic eye-roll. He’s not deaf to the gossip that passes around campus, there aren’t a shortage of people interested in George—not that you could blame them. The man had an allure about him, soft smiles and bashful eyes that crinkled every time he laughed, his personality so easy-going that it was hard not to like him.
“Don’t be ridiculous. Has anyone asked you out?” The emphasis was meant to be mocking, but Sapnap shrugs it off easily.
“Not yet.” George looks halfway dismayed.
“You sound like you have someone in mind.”
Sapnap smiles, flushed and suggestive. “I might.” He takes another swig of his drink, letting it heat his core and fuel him on. “Are you interested in anyone?”
George pauses for a little too long.
“N-No.” Sapnap watches him fiddle with his drink, pointedly looking down to his ringed fingers as it taps against the plastic cup. It almost felt expected, and yet it doesn’t stop him from being let down. He ignores the feeling as it festers in his chest, and chases it down with more alcohol.
“You should slow down with the drinks. I’m not taking your drunk ass home again,” reprimanded George, scornfully eyeing him in disdain.
“I know, I promise, I’ll be good,” reassured Sapnap, placing his cup beside him on the wooden porch, freeing his hands of an excuse to drink. He clasps his fingers together, breathing in the cold night air.
He looks to the moon for guidance, asks her silently if she’ll stay with him as he turns to George.
“Would you go out with me if I asked?”
“No.”
The direct rejection stings, but he’s glad that he’s numb enough for it to hit slower. Nonetheless, he persists, like he always does with George.
“Why not?”
“Because, you’re drunk.”
“I’m not drunk.”
“Yes, you are. Otherwise, you wouldn’t have asked me.” George states it so matter-of-factly as though he knew for certain Sapnap would never broach such a question if he were sober. He sighs to himself, perhaps he’s right.
“What if I’m not drunk?” pushed Sapnap.
“Enough, Sapnap.” George looked pained, and Sapnap can sense when he’s crossed a boundary.
“Sorry,” he apologised. “Can I take you to my favourite restaurant?” Time moves so much different when you’re nervous and tipsy. His mind always finds itself searching—soft lips under starry eyes. George, always George.
“Why?” asked George.
Sapnap mulls it over in his head, wondering how hard he had to work for George’s affection. “Thought we were friends?” Maybe George only hung out with him out of necessity, studying together like it was his academic obligation, and not because he wanted to. He cringes at the thought and begins to stand. “You know what—forget I said anything.”
He leaves the cold air, walking back into the house with heavy legs and a heavier heart. He rejoins his friends, reminds himself that even if George didn’t want him, he had a place amongst others, a place where he didn’t have to question whether or not he was wanted.
He keeps it tame that evening, making it home in one piece before collapsing onto his bed, sighing into the sheets as fatigue washes over him.
He checks his phone, sees one unread text message from George.
wats ur favourite restaurant?
——————
Just like before during their semester, George returns to Sapnap like an unbroken rhythm.
He takes him to his favourite restaurant, and even to his favourite dessert place after, picking him up and dropping him off like the gentleman he was. It wasn’t romantic, they were just friends, but Sapnap can’t help be envious of the person who’d get that privilege in the future.
He invites him over, so they can play his favourite video game, try his favourite snacks, watch his favourite movies. He asked George what his favourite things were, and so he learns.
George felt more genuine, less apprehensive like he used to be when it was just them two. He lets his touch linger for longer, eyes saunter over his features shamelessly when they sit close, unapologetic when their limbs cross paths.
How intoxicating, he thinks, to have George so close and yet so far.
He confesses his deep longing to a friend, voicing his fears and concerns for the first time, his anxieties pull tight on his chest and he feels as though he could drown when talking about George.
“Have you told him how you feel?” asked Alex, as if it were the most obvious solution to his problems. “Or try asking him out?”
He had, but he suppressed that memory as best as he could. “Don’t be ridiculous. He barely puts up with me half the time.”
“What? Don’t you guys hang out, like, all the time?” questioned Alex.
They did, but that didn’t mean anything. Sapnap had a lot of spare time, and George was probably bored enough to deal with him. He had always been the one to ask first, the first to reach out whenever he thought of an excuse for them to spend time together. Not that he minded, he enjoyed his time with George, he just knew where he stood.
Alex follows up with more suggestions he doesn’t take well to, and they end the conversation with a mutual understanding that Sapnap was just hopeless when it came to dating, and perhaps he needed to forget about George before he was in too deep.
Then George reached out for the first time. He invited him out to a concert that Dream found, securing last minute tickets to some underground gig. Sapnap didn’t care what it was, all he could focus on was George had asked him out, unprompted. Maybe it’s a little sad he’s so hung up on that little detail, but that’s just his own business to sort out.
Dream picks him up after George, climbing into the back seat, joining in on the roaring music as they make their way into the city. He shifts about in his seat, brimming with excitement as they pass the city lights, paving the road in technicolour life.
They meet up with a few more friends, and they crowd the bar in search of drinks before the show starts. Dream gets the privilege of being tall enough to flag down the bartender, and they all order a round of drinks in time for the performance.
The band that plays gets enough hype for the floor to be overly crowded, with bodies pressed against each other and little space for breathing room. He smells the faint scent of cigarette smoke and grimaces when it reaches too close.
He spots George not too far, slim figure swallowed amongst the mass of bodies that surround him, and he’s as uncomfortable as when he first walked in when he comments on the music being too loud for his liking. To be honest, the scene didn’t suit him, so Sapnap doesn’t know why he invited him along.
George topples forward a bit, off-balanced when someone flings their arms up to yell alongside the crowd, and Sapnap makes an effort to squeeze through, hands holding his waist to steady him.
“You doing alright, Georgie?” he yelled, leaning close to his ear.
George grabs at his arms but doesn’t push him off. “I’m fine—just, stay close to me, please.”
Sapnap smiles, letting his body press closer as his fingers push deeper into George’s side. The songs that play are definitely hype, and Sapnap encourages George to join in when people began to jump about, shielding him from being pushed about by strangers.
His chest burned, heat churned in his lungs as sweat clung to his skin. George felt even hotter between his palms, soft and real as he held him close, letting tuffs of stray hair brush his cheeks when he periodically leaned in to talk.
He can feel his heartbeat over the songs, pounding against his ribcage in tune with the vibrations around him. He dips his head in closer, lost in the sensation of having George so near, similarly to his fantasies when he ached to reach out—to close the gap.
Then the music cuts out, the static sharp as the lead singer grabs the mic, announcing the end of their performance with a loud cheer from the crowd. He leans back, and they break apart to disperse along the sea of people. George grabs his hand, leading him out to the closest exit, and Sapnap can barely hear over his own heartbeat as he stares after George.
They regroup, finding their friends again along the sidewalks, clustered together while a few stood around for a smoke. George lets go of their hands, and Sapnap wants to find every excuse to hold it again.
Half his friends want to stay out longer, to enjoy the night while they still could with the few open bars in the area, while the others wanted to call it a night—including Dream and George. Sapnap watches as George and Dream head for the car, Sapnap calling after them that he’d follow them soon, he just wanted to say goodbye to a few more friends.
After a few strong hugs and promises of future catch-ups, he tucked his hands into his pockets and jogged into the direction of where Dream parked his car. He kept his eyes peeled for a tall blonde, knowing he’d stick out amongst the scattered parking lot, and his feet stall when he spots them.
“Relax, George. Just relax…” Dream had George tucked in close, hugging him close to his body, pressing him against his car as the shorter man held on as though his life depended on it—thin arms wrapped around Dream’s large torso. When he focused, he could see him trembling slightly.
They’re so close—even closer than Sapnap was when he had him up against his back at the concert, George holding as if it were normal for them, like it wasn’t their first time being so close with how comfortable he was with it.
He feels like he’s interrupting something, intruding on something he shouldn’t. He backtracks, hands firmly tucked into his jacket and he runs off—rejoining his friends.
With shaky palms, he shoots Dream a quick message, letting him know that he had decided to stay out instead and that he’d find his own way home.
He shoves his phone into his pocket and lets the night sweep him away.
——————
He doesn’t know what to make of what he saw the other night, all he knows is that he can’t bring himself to see George—at least not for now.
A week passes by in a rush, and George sends him the first text that breaks the silence, asking him if he’d like to come over and check out a new game he had bought.
Sapnap grips the phone in his hand, and seemingly hours pass by, frequently checking the message and chickening out when he attempts to type out his response. He wants nothing more than to come over, to see George rattle on about random topics, to share their favourite snacks and talk smack about useless details over competitive video games.
God, he wants nothing more than to kiss him.
In a panic, he declines, shooting George a text hours later to say that he was busy—maybe another time, he adds on, grimacing when he hits send.
George doesn’t reply, and he supposes they leave it at that.
——————
College was going to start soon, and Sapnap had been successfully avoiding George until Dream practically begs him to come over for a game night.
He’d already made every excuse under the sun to avoid going, knowing fully well that George would be there, but Dream saw through him and expressed hurt at his evasive nature. He relents, because who could say no to Dream, and stops by as late as he can get away with.
George locks eyes with him the second he walks through, and he remembers how much he misses him, almost forgetting that he had chosen to ignore him in favour of smothering his own feelings. He smiles, awkwardly waving at him as he says hi, only to be met with a cold stare that snaps away.
Right, he deserved that.
He sits the furthest away from George, and tries his best not to distract himself with sharp eyes that pierce holes into him. He had a competitive spirit, he knew how to get a rise out of his friends as a distraction.
The first game was Monopoly, and Sapnap knew better than to argue with Karl when he got too heated, his manipulation speeches running rampant when he attempted to pressure others into giving up their property. He flunked early on, taking a seat back as he watches the arguments escalate. He wonders if they’ll even manage to get to the next game.
He announces drink orders, heading to the kitchen in search of Dream’s sodas that he kept stashed away. He’s placed a few on the counter, before hearing footsteps approach from behind.
“Need help?” It was George, leaning by the kitchen door, looking pretty and inquisitive. Sapnap swallows, throat suddenly dry at feeling cornered.
“Sure, thanks.” He continues to dig around Dream’s cupboard, sorting through the poorly placed pantry in search of something he might have forgotten, his brain short-circuiting with George standing behind.
“Have you been avoiding me?” The sudden question startles him, and he’s careful to not drop the cans in his hand as he turns to face George.
“No, I haven’t.” It’s a bald-faced lie, and he’s careful not to reveal too much. “I’ve been busy.”
“Busy during break?” challenged George, raising a skeptical brow. “You used to text me every day.”
He doesn’t know why George cares so much, why the sudden fixation on his texting habits. He was so sure George lived in his own world, unfazed by Sapnap’s internal crisis over unrequited feelings.
“Are you mad at me?” It’s an honest question, laced with curiosity as George fidgets with his sleeve.
“I’m not.” Sapnap chuckles, watchful as George crosses his arms, fixing a glare towards Sapnap as he steps closer. The distant chattering and fluorescent humming drones out, nothing existing between them as he stares into George’s eyes—searching for answers. “Have I been a bad friend?”
George scowls, flinching back when Sapnap tugs his arms apart, slowly resisting when he feels broad palms press into his forearms. “Y-You… I thought you were mad at me.”
“Me? Why would I be mad at you?” He feels George squirm, eyes averting his gaze as he steps back, unsure of what to say. Sapnap smiles, his heart in an uncertain turmoil as he observes George, wanting to understand him but unable to.
The moment drags on, and Sapnap decides to be brave enough and wraps his arm around George, pulling him in close, heartbeats in tandem as he imprints the shape of him into his chest. He’s warm, and Sapnap misses the way he smells. George lets it happen, and Sapnap ignores the ache when he doesn’t hug back, letting himself have his little moment even if it was selfish.
He pulls away, and is surprised when George pulls him back in, arms wrapped around his torso and clinging back. He relaxes his body, smiling into his hair as his emotions jitter in response.
“Aren’t you being cute tonight,” remarked Sapnap.
“Shut up.”
He chuckles, blowing tuffs of hair about. “I’ll make it up to you,” he said, pulling away to look into George’s face, flushed crimson blotted on high cheeks. “I promise.”
George looks at him, unspoken words hanging off parted lips, but reality sends them a reminder in the form of impatient voices that boom through the hallway.
“Hey! You guys get the drinks yet? Next round is starting soon!” He groans, reluctantly dropping his arms and removing himself from George’s warmth, enjoying the same look of remiss that falls onto his face as they break apart and gather the drinks.
He doesn’t forget his promise, and cherishes the memory of George between his arms.
——————
Days spent with George remind him of high-school crushes and forlorn longing.
The sun would rise early, long hours under golden rays spent out and about at the park, laughing with friends and teaching George how to balance on a skateboard, laughing every time he fell on his ass. They’d take turns picking places to eat at, or new foods to try, and there was no shortage of excitement when it came to spending time with George.
He learnt new things on the way, observant under the guise of being distracted, aimlessly staring at the other boy, memorising his features like he was the muse to his next artwork. He’d shake the thought when he got carried away, grounding himself when George raises a brow and waves a hand in front of his face.
“Are you even listening to me?” asked George, hand hanging halfway between them as he begins to lean back into his chair. Sapnap had chosen a random gelato joint to cool off, and they sat outside to watch the sun creep behind the buildings, signifying the end of the day.
“Sorry, wandered off a little there,” he apologised, blinking a few times. “What were you saying?”
“I asked if you wanted to keep studying together when break is over.” Right, they were talking about classes, no wonder he zoned out.
“Yeah, I’m down—would probably fail if you didn’t help me out anyways,” he quipped, laughing into a spoonful of gelato. George doesn’t look half as amused, but curves a lip up in silent agreement.
“I have to go back to England when the semester finishes. My family wants me back for the break.” Sapnap hums, almost forgetting that George had a life oceans away, that he couldn’t stay for as long as he wished he could.
“That’s cool,” he said honestly. “I’ll miss you heaps.” He meant that with even more honesty, letting the cool spike of citrus melt on his tongue, casual as his hands drip with cool condensation.
“You would?” George peers up through dark lashes, a spoon pressed against his lips, and Sapnap forces himself to look away.
“Of course I would, Georgie,” he replied. “Would you miss me?” Too honest, he thinks, too open, and he’s afraid he’s given himself away until George smiles, eyes sparkling in the summer sunset.
“Yeah, I would miss you, too.”
God, what did he do to deserve this? His endless pining had to stop sometime soon, but George wasn’t going to make it easy for him.
The evening catches up to them, and George invites Sapnap to hang out after dropping him off. They clamber onto his couch, lazy and tired as a random movie plays on screen. George likes to idly commentate, and Sapnap is more than happy to sit back and listen as his mind drones out.
It was a romance flick, as cliche as they come and apparently trending. It cuts to a scene between the main character and their love interest, and Sapnap pays enough attention to catch lines of morbid confession, dramatic and as tragic as they come. He thinks over his own sordid love-life, and his eyes pan over to George.
“Have you ever dated anyone before?” asked Sapnap.
George pauses at the sudden question. “I have, but it was a long time ago. Back in high school.” He doesn’t elaborate, and instead turns the question back to him. “What about you?”
Sapnap stretches, yawning as he reminisces on past relationships. “Had a girlfriend in high school, didn’t really find anyone interesting after that.” Not true, but what was he to say to George, sitting beside him with a soft, inquiring look.
“No one at all?” pushed George.
“… There might be someone,” he answered vaguely, but it doesn’t stop George from perking up, straightening up in his seat.
“Who?”
“I’m not telling you.” He makes a point to stare at the TV screen, unable to bring himself to look at George as he stares at him.
“Is it someone I know?”
“ George , I’m not telling you.” He pouts, hoping for George to drop the subject.
George crawls over, closing the gap and Sapnap pushes himself as far back as he can, his back hitting the armrest as he’s cornered, George hovering close as he rests his weight on both arms, looking at Sapnap like he was hiding answers.
“You’re blushing.” George huffs a laugh, retreating back to his spot on the other end of the couch, leaving Sapnap breathless from the approach. “I don’t know who it is, but you should say something.”
“And why the hell should I?” countered Sapnap.
“Because, you’re a good guy, it’s worth a shot,” stated George. The admission makes his chest hurt, and Sapnap didn’t know George thought so highly of him.
“Thanks, I guess.” He watches as the main characters kiss, embracing in a fit of tears, unable to stay together, taking what they could. Was love always this sad?
“Has anyone been catching your fancy, George?” He turns to look at George, sees him with his bottom lip under his teeth, contemplative.
“There is someone,” answered George, looking him directly in the eye. “But he’s an idiot, and thick-headed, and can’t take hints if it hit him square between the eyes.”
It’s was Sapnap’s turn to perk up, surprised by the proclamation. “What? Who is this guy?” George was interested in someone—and a guy no less? This was news to him.
George laughs, a cheeky snicker behind pale palms and eyes that sparkle with mirth.
“Why should I tell you, thought we were keeping secrets?” teased George.
His fingers tighten as they twist and turn, straining the couch cushion as a sharp ache spikes in his chest. George was interested in someone, which was a huge change of direction from the last time he asked him. He thinks back to blonde hair between broad shoulders, and remembers George pressed against a tall figure under flickering streetlights.
George was interested in someone, and it wasn’t him.
“Well, you should tell them how you feel, you know,” said Sapnap, pushing down his festering emotions as George stares at him.
“Why?” asked George. Sapnap doesn’t know why, maybe because he’s self-sacrificing, a masochist, or self-righteous. All he knows, is that if George were to end up dating someone, his best bet would be Dream. Repressed jealousy over moments where he watched from the sidelines, bitter and envious of their friendship, suspicious that they were hiding something between their private glances.
“Because,” he began, “you’re a great guy—you’re smart, handsome, funny—what’s not to like? Whoever you choose will be very lucky to have you.” His heart beats too loud in his chest, and the way George looks at him sets his nerves on fire.
“You’re an idiot,” proclaimed George, eyeing him down with an unreadable expression. Sapnap returns his look with confusion laced with hurt.
“What—”
“You heard me.”
Okay. Maybe Sapnap missed something down the line, shaking his head as he combs through their conversation in rewind.
“Why am I an idiot?” challenged Sapnap. George rolls his eyes in lieu of a response, while Sapnap settles on a defensive stance. “You like Dream, don’t you?”
George immediately pins him with a bewildered look with underlined venom, eyes narrowed in indignation.
“What the fuck, no ?”
Oh, well then. He was wrong—incredibly wrong, in that case. He bites his tongue, holding back any further words as George seethes beside him, seemingly more irked as the silence stretches on. He’s unsure of what to say, perhaps he should apologize considering he had read him all wrong.
“Alright, sorry! I thought wrong,” he lamented, clammy hands feeling sticky with cold sweat.
He jumps a little when George sighs, thrown off by the change in tone as he stares at the carpet, sullen and nervous.
“Sapnap…” George turns his head, determination firm in his eyes. “Do you not like me?”
“Of course I like you!” declared Sapnap.
George groans, clearly unsatisfied by his answer. “Remember when you asked me out on a date?”
Sapnap swallows a dry lump in his throat—yes, of course he remembered, how could he forget? Hot flares of embarrassment burned into his memory every time he thought back to George’s blatant rejection. He nods, tight-lipped and wary of where George was taking this.
“I thought… you were interested in me?”
He freezes at the accusation, alarmed and unaware of why George wanted to point it out. He doesn’t know why he’s so surprised when he probably was super obvious about his intentions, yet this would be the first time Geroge has actively acknowledged it.
“I... was… ” George immediately steels himself at his wording, and Sapnap quickly backtracks. “W-What I mean is—I thought you weren’t interested in me !”
“You were drunk, and I’ve told you so,” explained George.
“W-Well—” Sapnap shifts in his seat, frantically searching for clarification and the possibility that George felt differently to what he initially thought, “you never told me were interested in my offer! George, c’mon dude, throw a guy a bone.”
George flushes, bringing pale palms to his bright cheeks as he shields himself from Sapnap’s slightly crazed look, but it didn’t matter how embarrassed he felt, because Sapnap was overjoyed by the notion that George wanted to go on dates with him.
Holding hands with George, cuddling him under shared blankets, feeling his warm body pressed close again as they shared kisses. His late-night fantasies are no longer a fabrication of his own hopes, but an insight to what could be.
The gap between them closes, Sapnap crawling over to grab at George’s wrists, peeling away his slender fingers to reveal an expression strained with demure longing. He thinks back on accidental brushes of skin, shy glances and missed moments, thinks that maybe he is as thick-headed as George perceives him to be.
“Will you go on a date with me now?” asked Sapnap.
George eases into a smile that steals the air from his lungs, gentle as it curves his lips. He’s bashful, and Sapnap wants to bury his face as close as possible, wants to hold him even closer if he could.
“Yeah, I will.”
He smiles back, letting fingers intertwine as they fall into his lap.
——————
Dating George doesn’t involve anything new or grand, he’s not taking him to any fancy places or trying to impress him in ways out of their comfort zone. In many ways, Sapnap supposes he’s impressed George enough to break through his walls, distance no longer met with concern for space, but instead filled with relaxed hand-holding and gentle cuddles.
But dating George definitely feels new. After their first date, George leaned on the tip of his toes and pressed a light kiss to Sapnap’s cheek, bidding him farewell as he returned behind his front door, leaving Sapnap on his own to freak out like some dork. He lets George call the shots, only because he’s afraid of overstepping and losing what they have, even if George has told him otherwise, but who was he to take the chances.
His first night staying over since becoming official, George let him sleep in his bed. Delighted by this, he doesn’t waste any time and slides in first, patient as George does his night routine in the bathroom. It isn’t long until cold limbs slide in beside him, joining him under the covers.
“Hey cutie,” teased Sapnap, grinning as he slid his fingers onto George’s waist. He smiles wider when he feels him shift closer, letting lithe limbs embrace him in return.
“Hey,” whispered George. He smells of soap, and Sapnap lets the scent comfort him as his eyes flutter closed. His body aches from the long day they’ve had, spending it outside at the skatepark, mindlessly chasing each other around as the sun beat down on them. The fatigue doesn’t settle his mind any less, thoughts racing and jittering as George cups his fingers against his cheek. “Tired?”
Sapnap nods. “Yeah, my thighs hurt for some reason.”
George snickers, muffled under the sheets. Sapnap opens his eyes, letting himself draw outlines of George under the dim, fading light seeping from the window. When did he become such a romantic, staring at George like some boy out of his dreams, memorising his features like he could forget it at any moment.
“Go to sleep then,” said George, tracing his fingers over Sapnap’s lips, letting his index catch onto his bottom lip as he continues to press down. He settles them onto his jaw, and Sapnap feels his breath hitch under the intensity of his stare.
“You’re looking at me funny,” commented Sapnap. George licks his lips, keeping his fingers still.
“Am I?”
“You are.”
“How so?” George resumes his pace, trailing slim fingers down to his throat, caressing his adam apple as he settles them on his nape.
“You look like you want to kiss me,” stated Sapnap. He does, the way his eyes track onto his lips when he talks, distracted and curious. His eyes darken as they concentrate, laced heavily with the undertone of desire and longing.
“Maybe I do,” remarked George. “You haven’t kissed me yet.”
Sapnap brings his own hands to curl over George’s, his heart palpitations beat heavier with every passing second. He’d be waiting for the perfect moment to plan their first kiss, wanting it to be special and memorable, as unforgettable as Geroge is. Many passing opportunities blink by, and Sapnap might have left it too long for even his own liking.
“I wanted to wait for the right time…” muttered Sapnap.
“The right time? When would that be?” questioned George, amused when Sapnap floundered for an answer.
“W-Well, you know… wanted to make it special for you…” mumbled Sapnap, flustered when George aimed him a kind smile.
“That’s sweet…” remarked George. “What if I want you to kiss me now?”
He pauses at the request, thankful that only the moon illuminated the space between them, hiding his scarlet flush as it bloomed across his face. He’d never expected George to be the one to ask, or even the one to initiate, especially after all that’s developed between them and the emotional obstacles they had to overcome before they got to where they were now.
Slowly, like wading through a river current, he drags his hand to George’s shoulder, sliding up to graze against his neck, matching pulses synchronized as they share a look. It’s as slow as he intended, and they both leaned in at the same time, pressing warm lips against each other.
The kiss hits him like a shot of adrenaline, making him hyperware of every touch, every breath, every movement as it passes between them. George tastes like an afterthought of toothpaste, and his scent up close is both comforting and intoxicating.
Lips slide in tandem until they stop, Sapnap barely pulling away as George quietly pants in front of him, warm breath ghosting over his skin. He wants to kiss him forever if he could, protect him between his arms and have him all for himself—but he’d settle for this.
“Can I kiss you again?” asked Sapnap, dazed from their intense staring.
George smiles, eyes flickering down to his lips and up to his eyes.
His answer is met with a kiss.
——————
“Ugh, airports are too crowded, I swear,” grumbled Sapnap, stretching against the uncomfortable seats as it dug into his back. He sat beside George, who had a look of disdain as he stared out the window, apprehensively checking the runway for his plane to arrive.
“If you think the airport is bad, be glad you won’t be cramped in a plane for nine hours straight,” said George. Ever since they had sat down, George held Sapnap’s hand between his own, interlocking their fingers as they rest on top of his thighs. Sapnap thought it was incredibly endearing, even if George was holding on to their last physical intimacy they’d share for a while.
“Relax, just try to sleep through as much of it as you can,” commented Sapnap, leaning in with a wicked grin as he whispers, “besides, I thought I kept you up late last night for that reason.”
George scowls, attempting to withdraw his hand with fail as Sapnap cements his hold, laughing at George’s knee-jerk reaction.
“Be quiet!” scolded George.
“I am, I am…” reassured Sapnap. He watches as George relaxes his hold, melting into his palm as he rubs circles into his skin with his thumb. They had mentally prepared for George’s return to London for months now, completely aware that he was expected home by family and friends. It doesn’t soften the harsh reality any less, and Sapnap feels himself sink at the realisation as it hits him—all of it a little too real, time running out the longer they sat in subdued silence.
“I’ll miss you a lot…” confessed George.
Sapnap nods, sharing the same sentiment. “Me too.” He squeezes his hand, letting George know he’d be missed just as much—if not, more. “We get to be e-boyfriends now—we’ll fall asleep on call and everything, it’ll be cute.” It earns him a quiet laugh, and he wants the memory of George laughing burned in his mind.
“You’re such a dork.”
“Yeah, but I’m your dork!” They share a laugh, letting it shake them as they leaned in closer, suppressing their voices as if they were sharing a secret. The announcement for George’s flight cuts through their moment, a static reminder of their situation. George sighs, accepting that his time had come to end.
“I have to go now.” George smiles, but it cracks at the edges. “I’ll text you when I land.”
“I’ll be waiting.” He presses a final kiss to warm lips—a promise for tomorrow, a promise for the future. “For you, I’ll always be waiting.”