Chapter Text
'I remember it hurt, watching her hurt,' is a line from some movie that continues to run through Aang's head as he watches Toph pretend to listen to the conversation that is going on around them. They're sitting in the living room of Sokka's apartment listening to his latest encounter with Zuko's sister.
She must feel him staring at her cause one second her eyes are trained towards the ground, unfocused and empty, and the next she looking in his direction. They stare at each other for a few seconds before she drops her gaze to her lap and picks at the hole in her jeans. It's been a week or two since the breakup with Kanto and she has slowly been withdrawing into herself. Katara had to actually show up to Toph's place and physically drag her to Sokka's. Normally, they see each other every other day or so since they live so close to each other, but none of them had seen her in days. She hasn't said anything since she greeted them all when she got here.
When she had announced their relationship several months ago, it was a shock to the group, but Kanto had quickly found his place among them, and became close with them all. So, when Toph had mumbled one night they broke up when she was asked where he was, it was a bigger shock to everyone.
"...What do you think, Toph?" Aang's attention is pulled from staring at her to Sokka. He isn't sure what the question was and he's sure Toph doesn't know either. She glances up at the group and senses that they're all waiting for her reply and the clear attempt to pull her into the conversation and include her somehow.
"What?" she asks, raising an eyebrow.
"I said that we should go see a movie, we were thinking about either Old or Free Guy."
"Oh, uh. I don't know," she says, standing up slowly, " Listen, I'm going to head home. I've got some stuff to work on," she trails off and grabbing her coat, she heads towards the door. The rest of the group look around at each other, and Aang quickly stands up, beating Toph to the door.
"Yeah, I'm going to head home, too. I have work in the morning, so I'll walk with you, T.." She doesn't say anything in acknowledgement but waits at the door as he quickly says bye to everyone and grabs his coat.
Once they're out on the sidewalk, the only sound is their feet on the pavement and Toph's sniffling every few moments. Aang stuffs his hands deep in his pockets to protect them from the cold and racks his brain to try and think of something that could possibly bring her out of her head a little bit.
Right when he opens his mouth to say something, she cuts him off, "You didn't have to come along and babysit me."
"I'm not babysitting you," he says but his tone makes it sound like a question.
"I know you all think I'm a fucking wreck. It's evident in the way you guys talk to me," she keeps her face pointed down and clicks her cane against the pavement. He didn't realize they had been talking to her any differently, but now that she mentions it, he can see it. How they carefully pick topics that steer clear of relationships or something that might have involved Kanto. "I just need time to deal with it," she says, her voice low and sounding so dejected and tired.
"Yeah, I'll go check on her," Aang says into the phone before hanging up with Katara. That night they left Sokka's apartment, she had gone downhill quickly. He knew the breakup between Toph and Kanto had been bad, but he didn't think it would ever get this bad. She had began to refuse to see anyone or answer any calls or texts. Needless to say, everyone is worried.
As he waits for the elevator to open onto her floor, he starts to think about how he is going to go about talk to her. She isn't the easiest person to read or get to open up about her feelings so it will definitely take some care and consideration.
He knocks at her door a few times, but when he doesn't receive an answer, he tries the knob and finds it unlocked. Carefully, he opens the door and is immediately hit with the smell of alcohol and the sight of Toph sitting on the couch with her head in her hands, a bottle of alcohol of something sitting on the floor next to her foot. She doesn't even acknowledge the fact that he has just walked into her apartment.
Taking a deep sigh, he shrugs off his jacket and hangs it on the hook by the door and walks over to the couch to sit beside her.
"You don't need to come check up on me, Aang."
He casts a quick glance around the living room and adjacent kitchen and sees the empty bottles, take out boxes, and clothes strewn about the counters and floors. "Yeah, obviously I don't. You seem to be handling the break up well," he answers.
Toph lifts her head and shoots him a glare, her eyes bloodshot and she has fresh tear tracks on her cheeks, "Fuck you, Aang. I don't need your fucking charity check ups or conversation. I told you that the other night," she snatches up the bottle from the floor and starts to pace around the living room, taking a swig as she goes, "Just let me deal with it in my own way."
He watches her face and notices how she doesn't even grimace when the liquid goes down her throat. She wipes her mouth with the back of her hand and stands by the window like she is looking out and shakes her head slightly.
"It just hurts, you know?" she whispers. "I never knew something could hurt so fucking bad." She abruptly turns away from the window, a look of anger on her face now. "I mean, he says all this fucking bullshit to me and how I'm the best thing that ever happened to him and the next fucking week, it's like, 'Oh, I found someone else to stick myself in'," she takes another swig. "I don't mean anything anymore and obviously just something he can throw away after he's done! 'I never liked you like that, Toph. I never thought you were funny or smart or pretty, I just needed something to do'!" she yells and throws the bottle at the wall, shattering it.
Aang tenses when the bottle makes contact with the wall and when he looks back at Toph, he sees that she has her head in her hands and her shoulders are shaking with her sobs. He stands up and goes to her, wrapping her in his arms.
"I don't want to feel like this anymore, Aang. I just want to be numb," she says so quietly, he almost doesn't hear it. "I should have known better than to give myself completely over to someone. I mean, I fucking watched you get your heart shattered by Onji and I swore I would never let someone hurt me like that."
Aang tenses when she mentions Onji. Although it had been a few years since they had broken up, the subject was still a little sore for him. His first love had broken his heart and then gotten with the guy who had tormented him in high school.
"Does it ever go away, this feeling?" she asks, burying her face in his chest.
Taking a deep breath, he considers her question. Although it had been years, every now and then, the plaguing question of 'Why wasn't I good enough' or 'What did he have that I didn't' haunts him at night when he is lying alone in bed at night.
It takes him a moment to answer, to steady his voice, "I think it does. It just takes time, Toph," he whispers to her. He leans down and kisses the top of her head. He can feel the way her tears are starting to seep into his shirt, making the material stick to his skin, but he doesn't mind. He'll stand here for hours with her if it means she won't be alone with her thoughts.
He ends up staying the night with her, and when she finally passes out, he starts to clean up her place, throwing bottles in a trash bag he had gotten from under the sink. He cleans up the mess she made from throwing the bottle at the wall, and discovers that she had done this at least 3 more times, which explains why her apartment smelled so bad.
Around 2 am, he finally collapses on her couch and places an arm over his eyes. The reminder of Onji that Toph had given him earlier that day was sticking with him. He remembers how raw that pain was, how it stole the breath from him every few hours and brought him down to his knees. He wouldn't wish that pain on anyone so knowing that his best friend is hurting that way is hurting him.
He wakes up around 10 am to the sound of Toph rummaging quite loudly through the fridge. Rubbing a hand over his face, trying to wake himself up, Aang sits up on the couch and looks over towards the kitchen. Toph is in a bralette and shorts, something she normally wears around the house. At first, the rest of the group were kind of scandalized when they discovered this, but after a while, it became normal to see her dressed like that.
"What are you looking for?" he asks.
"There was a bottle of vodka in here yesterday," she mumbles.
Taking a deep breath and stealing himself for this argument, "I threw it out." Toph stops looking for the bottle and slowly stands up, turning her face over to him.
"You did what?" her voice is low and deadly. Aang visibly swallows but lifts his chin and chest in fake confidence, which he realizes is kind of stupid since she can't see him no matter what he does.
"You're drinking yourself to death, Toph. It's not health-"
"How I choose to handle this fucking breakup is none of your goddamn business, Aang," she yells, walking from the kitchen into the living room, pointing a finger at him. "You weren't any better, so I don't want to fucking hear it."
Aang stands up from the couch and moves towards her, "It is my business if you're self-destructing, Toph. I'm not watching you go down the hole I went down, it's not safe."
"Safe?" she screams. "Are you fucking kidding me? What's not safe is you throwing out my shit."
He takes a deep breath and places his hands on her shoulders, aiming for a calm demeanor, "Go get dressed. I'm taking you to breakfast."
"I don't want to go anywhere with you right now."
"Do it, before I fucking make you do it," his voice is low and steady. She knows that when he puts that tone in his voice he isn't screwing around. Toph crosses her arms over her chest and chews on her lower lip for a moment. After a moment of pouting, she huffs loudly and stalks towards her bedroom.
The tension drains from Aang's shoulders. He really has no desire to go out in public right now, especially with the mood that she is in, but his duty to her as her best friend out weighs his personal needs.
They're both sitting in a booth at one of the local diners and he can feel the anger still radiating off of Toph. The waitress picks up on it too because she cuts herself off halfway through the specials, and just scurries off to get their drinks.
"Go on, say it," he says.
"Fuck you for making me come out like this," she says, her arms crossing over her chest. "I was doing just fine, you know. I was handling it."
"Drinking yourself into oblivion everyday so you don't feel it doesn't count as handling it, Toph"
She just snorts and turns her head away, her lips pursed. Their waitress comes and drops off their drinks and quickly takes their food order and scurries off again. Aang thinks they're going to spend their meal in tense silence, but when he glances up at her, he sees the fight going out of her and tears swelling up in her eyes.
"Why are you even doing this, Aang?" she whispers.
He doesn't even realize he is doing it until he is out of his seat and sliding in next to her. His arm comes around her shoulders and he pulls her to him, letting her rest his head against his shoulder.
"Because, I remember this pain. I remember how bad it hurt, how it felt like someone had shot a hole right through my chest and left me to bleed out. Because, I can see how hard you're trying to be angry about the situation, but I know you're sad and dying inside." Toph turns and buries her face into his shoulder, hiding her tears from the rest of the world. He rubs his hand up and down her arm, trying to soothe her.
The waitress comes back with their food and sees the way Aang has his arm around Toph and gives him a sympathetic smile and quietly sets their food on the table before walking off.
"Come on, eat something. I doubt you've had a proper meal in days," he mumbles to her.