Chapter Text
The ring was lead in his pocket.
A weight, pulling his very soul down, reminding him that he had destroyed his own hopes and dreams. That he had done the unthinkable, what he had once never considered himself knowingly capable of. He'd broken Magnus Bane's heart.
Alec took the ring out of his pocket and looked at it.
How many hours had he spent imagining seeing it on Magnus' finger? Seeing Magnus wear it with pride? Imagining that Magnus somehow, just might, be willing to say yes to marrying him?
Alec closed his hand around the ring and stood up.
The cold metal burned his hand. He stepped away from his desk and turned to the residential wing. He wouldn't go into his room. He couldn't. Not when all the evidence of Magnus' presence was still there, the reminder that not only had he broken two hearts tonight, he had kicked Magnus out of the only home he had.
Alec tightened his hand around the ring and walked faster, nodding to the shadowhunters he strode past. He stopped outside Max's door and heard the sounds of his brother inside, listening to some sort of music. Clary had been introducing him to mundane music, and Max had fallen in love.
Lifting one hand, Alec knocked, steeling himself for what he was about to do.
He should have known better. To think that he could have this. This chance.
Max deserved it far more than he ever had.
~!~
Max knew something was wrong the instant he opened the door and looked up at Alec. His face was blank, none of the usual smile or faked sternness that was so familiar. He straightened up, fear curling deep in his stomach. "Alec?" he asked, proud of the way his voice didn't shake. Alec would be proud too.
He held his hand out, almost on reflex when Alec extended his fist. He frowned, and blinked in surprise at the ring that was dropped into his palm. "What, Alec?"
"It's yours now," Alec said. The final nail in the coffin for his heart he had built for his heart.
Max blinked, looking down at the ring in confusion. "Alec, what are you talking about? You're the eldest. This ring goes to you."
Alec looked at his brother, meeting his eyes briefly. "I won't ever have anyone else to give this to, Max. It's yours now. Please keep it safe." His throat tightened at the admission.
"Alec, I don't-"
"I have to get back to work," Alec interrupted. "We can talk more about it tomorrow, Max." He forced a small smile on his face and reached out to ruffle Max's hair. "Get some sleep."
Max's frown deepened as he watched his older brother walk away, his shoulders slumping in a way that he had never seen. He took one step out of his door before he realized he was dressed in boxers and a shirt. With a growl, he stepped back into his room, and pulled on his patrol leathers, and shoved the ring into his pocket.
He needed to talk to Magnus. And if his brother was going to be a workaholic, Max knew just where to find him.
Of course, he hadn't anticipated Magnus not answering the door to Alec's room. Or not being there when Max picked the lock. Or answering his phone when Max sent him a text message, or his phone to go to voicemail when he called it.
Max pressed his hand to the ring in his pocket, a sinking feeling growing in his chest.
Something was wrong.
Something was very, very wrong.
With both Magnus and Alec.
But he was a shadowhunter, and more than anything else, he was a Lightwood. He would get to the bottom of this, and break as many noses as he needed to to get some answers.
The first place Max went was Operations, explaining that he needed to study the security logs from his training session earlier. They were happy to sign over a tablet to him, and a seraph blade for additional practice for his training. Once Max had that, it was a matter of minutes before he knew what time Magnus had left the Institute, and that he had yet to return.
Wiping the evidence of his search on the tablet, signing it back in, he pulled out his phone again. If Magnus had left the Institute, he could have gone to one of his warlock friends. Or he could have gone to visit Mom. He could eliminate at least one of those.
Sneaking past the security cameras was a trick Jace and Izzy had taught him the summer previous, both of their expressions mischievous and teasing. Max got out of the Institute in minutes, swiping his stele over runes that he would normally use on patrol before he pulled his phone out. He hit dial and took the briefest of moments to pray to the angel that Magnus was at his mother's shop and everything could be explained as soon as he got there.
"Max! It's late, is everything all right?"
Max relaxed, tension bleeding out of his shoulders at the sound of his Mom's voice. "Everything is fine, Mom, but I'm looking for Magnus."
Maryse blinked in surprise. "You're looking for Magnus?"
Max chewed on his lip, debating how much he wanted to tell her before he let out a hard breath. "I think something is wrong with Alec, Mom. And Magnus would know what is going on."
Maryse sighed. "Max, I'm sure it's just Magnus-"
"No, Mom," Max said, cutting her off. "Something is wrong, and I need to find Magnus. Please. Have you seen him tonight? He's not at the Institute."
Maryse blinked in surprise, looking back up at the clock. "That's odd," she said, her voice growing soft. "He should have been back by now. We finished working several hours ago."
Max tightened his hand around the phone, the sense of wrong growing even deeper in his chest. What had happened? Where was Magnus? "Got it," he said. "Thanks Mom. I gotta go."
"Wait, Max-"
Max hung up the phone on her and ignored the next call that came through seconds later, and the third one. He knew that his Mom was going to call Alec and the others soon, and that meant that he had to get moving. He pressed his hand to his seraph blade and turned in the direction of his Mom's shop, staring to run.
Magnus couldn't portal, and he didn't like driving in the city, which meant that unless he'd taken a taxi (which Max knew that he hated doing, despite the necessity of it), he would be walking. If he moved quickly enough, he could catch up. He wouldn't have gone south, there were no safe places to walk there, and it led to the docks.
Which meant that he could have turned either west, sticking ot the area around Maryse's shop and the theatre district, or he could have turned toward Central Park. Max turned and headed for the theatre district. Magnus would have gone there first if he needed a distraction of some sort. He might not have his magic, but he did still have money, and loved shopping.
His phone rang again, twenty minutes later, and it was Izzy. Max stared at the phone screen for a long moment before he swiped the call active.
"Maximillian, where are you-"
"Take one look at Alec and tell me that everything is fine and I'll come home right now," Max snapped at her, jogging down another street, scouring the people walking for Magnus, cursing when he didn't see him.
Isabelle sighed. "Max, you can't fix what Magnus is dealing with."
"I'm not talking about that!" Max growled, his eyes prickling with frustrated tears. "Have you seen Alec tonight?"
Isabelle looked at the Head's office. "No, he's been working, and asked not to be disturbed."
"Walk into that room, and tell me that you think he is perfectly fine and I'll come home right now!" Max said, pleading with her. He pressed his hand to the ring his pocket and the weight of it felt too heavy.
Standing up, Isabelle sighed again and knocked on the Head's door before opening it. She took one look at Alec, who was openly glaring at her for disobeying a direct order and froze. She tightened her hand around the phone.
"It had better be important," Alec snapped.
Isabelle closed her eyes and opened them again. "It can wait," she said, her voice soft, before she stepped out and closed the door. She listened to the sound of Max panting as he jogged. "Where are you?"
"No," Max said, stopping at the end of a block, looking left and right before dashing across the street. "I am not telling you so you and Jace can come pick me up. I am going to find Magnus and bring him home, and whatever is going on, he can fix it!"
"I'll cover for you," Izzy promised, ending the call before she leaned back against the wall, exhaling shakily. She'd seen that expression on her brother's face once before. It had been the day Magnus had walked out of Alec's life when they had broken up.
Max shoved his phone back into his pocket and began to run again. He'd canvased almost the entire theatre district and hadn't seen a single hint of Magnus. Activating his stamina rune, he turned to run toward Central Park. He was more than halfway there, when he caught sight of Magnus standing in front of a sign, his shoulders hunched and tears on his face. "Magnus!"
Magnus' eyes widened and he turned to look at the youngest Lightwood. "Max? What are you-"
"I have been looking all over for you!" Max said, grinning in relief, stepping closer to Magnus. "Thank the angel I found you. You need to come home and talk to Alec-"
"Consorting with miniature shadowhunters now, Magnus? I thought the one was shameful enough."
Magnus spun, yanking Max behind him, the move more instinct than anything, and stared at his father. "He was just leaving," he said, giving Max a shove.
Asmodeus raised an imperious eyebrow. "Really? That's not what I saw or heard. In fact, I heard mention of him searching for you."
Magnus straightened his spine and met his father's eyes. "He doesn't matter. He's just a shadowhunter after all. A baby one, at that."
Max scowled, stepping up beside Magnus, looking to the other man. "Who are you, and what do you want with Magnus?"
Asmodeus laughed. "What a ridiculous child." He made a shooing motion. "Off you go now, I have business to discuss with my son."
Max's eyes widened as the man's eyes shifted to golden slits. The same eyes that Magnus himself had. He dropped his hand to his blade.
"I would advise you not to do that, child," Asmodeus purred. "I could have you dead in an instant. Magnus is nothing to you and your family, after all."
"That's not true," Max said, willing his voice not to shake as he pulled his blade out of the holster, holding it steady in front of him, pointed at the demon. He stepped in front of Magnus, his eyes on the demon. "Magnus is my family. And I will protect him, just like he would protect me."
"Max," Magnus said, reaching out to touch his arm. "Please, just go."
Max tightened his hand on the seraph blade. "No," he said to Magnus. He lifted his chin. "What do you want with Magnus?"
Magnus couldn't feel the magic Asmodeus was gathering around his hands, but he could feel the weight in the air that meant that Max was not going to last much longer. The familiar burn of anger, of heartbreak was enough to remind him of what had happened earlier, and he tugged on Max's arm. "Max."
Asmodeus laughed. "I've come to take him home. To his proper home, not a makeshift one among those he has sworn as enemies. I come to remind him of just who he is."
Max tilted his chin up defiantly. "Magnus already knows who he is. He might not have a home yet, but he and Alec are looking for one. He's our family, and I hope that one day he's going to be my brother in law." He narrowed his eyes. "I will not let you touch him."
"Enough of this," Asmodeus said, turning to look at his son. "Magnus, I've come to bring you home. There's nothing left for you in this world, as you well know."
"He has everything left in this world!" Max shouted. "He has, has a family! He has friends, and a niece, and the last thing he needs is you!"
Magnus stared at Max, at the way his shoulders were heaving, and how much he looked like Alec in that moment. Alec, who had broken his heart and left him alone, without a home, without...
"Magnus, either come with me, or I'll kill this child where he stands," Asmodeus said.
Magnus looked down at his hands and then back up to his father. "You want me to come home. You, who mocked me for being willing to give up my power?"
Asmodeus smirked, snapping his fingers, sending an echo rattling through the air, releasing the hold that he had on his son's magic. "Of course not, if you are to rule by my side, then I would have you at full strength for your glorious return home."
Max's eyes widened and he glanced behind him and then back at the demon. "Magnus, what's going on?" he hissed. "We have to get out of here."
Magnus stared at the flames around his fingertips, magic flooding into him like a dry well, filled after decades of emptiness. He breathed in deep, the scent of his magic, the scent of all the magic in the city sinking into him. How had he ever imagined that he would be able to live without this?
"Magnus, it's time to go," Asmodeus said.
Max stepped in front of Magnus again. "He's not going with you!"
Asmodeus laughed, tossing his head. "Do you not know what heartbreak looks like, child?" he taunted. "Your precious brother abandoned Magnus when he needed him most, but I, his father-"
Max turned around to face Magnus, his eyes wide. "Alec would never abandon you!"
Magnus swallowed and kept his senses alert and on his father, but he could sense his amusement from here that he would have to admit... That he would have to tell Max what his brother had done. "He broke up with me earlier this evening," Magnus said, breathing through the now-familiar lance of pain at the words. "He couldn't handle me without my magic. He said I wasn't the same."
Max scowled, glaring at Magnus. "That doesn't sound like my brother." He looked over his shoulder at the demon, his blade still held at the ready. "In fact, that sounds like him!" he gestured over his shoulder.
Magnus sighed. "Max, please. I don't want you to get hurt. Go home."
"And leave you here? With him?" Max snapped. "No! Lightwoods don't abandon their family, we break noses and accept the consequences."
"I..." Magnus swallowed, looking up at his father and then back down to the shadowhunter in front of him. "I'm sorry," he whispered, pressing a kiss to Max’s forehead, before he stepped around Max. He lifted his chin and faced his father, and the growing grin on his face.
"Magnus!" Max shouted. "Don't go!"
Magnus turned to look at Max one last time, smiling sadly. He dropped his glamour and offered Max a small nod before facing Asmodeus. "Very well, father."
Max lowered his sword, watching as Magnus stepped up beside his father. He reached down with his free hand to press it against the ring and clenched his eyes shut, angry tears falling down his cheeks.
"Did you not want the ring?" he shouted. "Is that why you're leaving? Because it's the Lightwood ring, and you didn't want it? Alec would have bought you a hundred, a thousand rings!" Max grabbed the ring out of his pocket and threw it at Magnus' feet, watching it bounce along the ground. "If you don't want it, then I don't it either!"
Magnus paused, turning to look at Max, and then the ring on the ground. The familiar Lightwood crest twinkled at him from the ground. "What are you talking about?"
"Alec said he'd never want to give it to anyone else, so he gave to me!" Max shouted, blinking hard through the tears. "It's supposed to be yours, but you're leaving! Why are you leaving?!"
"Magnus."
For the first time in centuries, Magnus ignored the threat and warning in his father's voice. He crouched down and picked up the ring. He remembered the wonderful dinner that Alec had set up. How nervous but happy he'd been that day, for no reason at all. When he'd...
"Don't go," Max said, watching Magnus. "Please, Magnus. Don't go. Don't leave us. Don't leave Alec. He loves you. I don't know what happened, but he loves you."
Magnus swallowed, twisting the ring around his fingers. His father's hand landed on his arm, heavy and threatening, all at once.
"It's time to go, Magnus."
Magnus stared at the ring and looked up at Max Lightwood, who was glaring at him, his face twisted in anguish and anger. "He'd blow up the very ground he stands on to make something right," he whispered. He closed his eyes and breathed out, tightening his hand around the ring. And then Alexander had done precisely that.
With a firm tug, Magnus pulled his arm away from his father and turned to face him. "What was it you said?" he asked, frowning. "That I was nothing to his family?"
"Magnus," Asmodeus growled. "I am out of patience. We are leaving."
Magnus stared at his father, and then down at his hands. "You gave my magic back. Without a deal. Without promises of my staying." His eyes widened and he took a step back, toward Max. "You would never have done that without me agreeing to a deal." He paused, realization sweeping over him in an instant. "Because you'd already made a deal, hadn't you?"
Asmodeus stepped forward, holding out his hand. "Come with me now, Magnus. All of Hell will stand at our feet. You have nothing left for you here but a sobbing child."
Magnus barely had time to throw up a shield when Asmodeus twisted his hand and threw a blast of magic at him, knocking him back and into the brick wall. "Max!" he shouted, scrambling to his feet, calling up his magic. He stood up and stared in shock at the tableau in front of him.
Max knew his hand was shaking, and that he was going to die shortly, but he'd aimed true. Alec had told him, after Azazel. Greater Demons had human forms. They had one weak spot. One. "I will not," he breathed, his chest heaving, his arm straining as he pressed the blade in further, until it was hilt-deep in the demon's chest. "Let you hurt Magnus."
Magnus dove forward, tackling Max, wrapping his arms and magic around him as edomite magic immediately began to bleed from his father, until the human form he'd assumed was gone in a flash of furious magic and ichor. He summoned magic to his fingers and rapidly ran it over Max, but other than a bruise on his chest, he was fine. "Thank Lilith," he breathed, sinking back onto the ground. "Max, that was foolish."
Max carefully rolled over onto his front and picked up his seraph blade, cleaning it carefully, his hands trembling. “More or less foolish than you almost leaving?”
Magnus sighed and carefully stood up, offering Max a hand so they were both standing. A quick look around showed the ring lying against a nearby brick wall. He picked it up again and stared at it, his shoulders slumping.
"Magnus?" Max asked, taking a step toward him. He rubbed his face on his sleeve, wiping away the tears. "Are, are you okay?"
Magnus swallowed hard and turned the ring over in his fingers, feeling the grooves and tracing the flames on the outside. "I don't know," he admitted. He closed his eyes and let out a slow breath. "I don't think so."
Max stepped closer and reached out, wrapping his arms around Magnus' waist from behind, hugging him tight. He pressed his face against Magnus' shoulder, clenching his eyes shut. "Alec looks like he'll never be happy again, Magnus. Please, I know you can fix it. You can always make Alec feel better."
Magnus blinked hard, a tear escaping to slide down his cheek, followed by another, and then another. "I don't know how to fix this, Max. We both hurt each other very badly."
"But you love each other, right?" Max asked, squeezing Magnus tighter. "That's what matters. You can fight, and yell, and, and, all of that stuff. But as long as you love each other, it'll be okay, right?"
Magnus wanted to believe that. He did. He closed his eyes and wrapped his fingers around the ring. Pulling away from Max, he carefully knelt in front of him and reached out to take his free hand. "Sometimes," he whispered, uncurling Max's fingers, pressing the ring into his palm. "Love isn't enough, no matter how much we want it to be. There are things that matter just as much."
"Magnus," Max said. "Please."
Magnus let out a low breath and wrapped his arms around Max, hugging him tight. "Thank you for caring enough to come find me."
"You're family," Max said.
Magnus envied the unshakeable conviction in his voice of those simple words. He smiled and hugged Max tighter. "I'm going to be all right," he promised.
Max wrapped his arms around Magnus and squeezed him. "Are you going to talk to Alec?"
Magnus let out a low breath and pulled back from Max, looking down at him. "Not yet."
Max's eyes widened. "What do you mean? Alec needs you! You have to talk to him!"
Magnus smiled sadly. "I love your brother, more than I have ever loved anyone in my very long life, Max."
"Then go talk to him! Make him listen!" Max said, his voice getting frantic. "You have to come home, Magnus!"
"The Institute isn't home for me," Magnus explained, his voice gentling. He didn't say that the acceptance he had found with the Lightwood family had been the only thing that felt like family in the cold, unfeeling building.
Max bit down on his lip, closing his fingers around the ring. "You'll come back?" he asked.
The way Max's voice dropped to something small and insecure made the ache in his chest twist more painful than Magnus had imagined possible. He wanted to promise that he would return, that everything would be fine, would be all right. But he couldn't, wouldn't promise that.
"Magnus, please," Max whispered. "Please come back. Alec needs you. You're, you're family!"
Magnus reached out to hug Max again, pulling him tight against his chest, breathing out hard. "I would have been honored to be your family someday, Max. Beyond any honor I have ever achieved." He stood upright and let go of the small shadowhunter. He turned to look out across the city.
"Magnus?"
Magnus steeled himself against the shake in Max's voice and looked at him. "Yes?"
"Is this goodbye?" Max asked, lowering his hands next to his sides. "F-Forever goodbye?"
Magnus looked at him, at the brave shadowhunter who had faced down his father, had stood between him and a Greater Demon, who had declared him family, again and again to his own father, before banishing him back to Edom. "Hail and farewell, Max."
Magnus ignored the call of his name and turned to step through a portal that he summoned for himself, wiping at the tears that refused to stop.
Max dropped to his knees and punched the ground, ignoring the crack of his knuckles as he punched it again and again. He'd failed. He'd failed Alec. He should have told Izzy, or even Jace. They wouldn't have let him fail.
Max didn't know how long he stayed there, watching his knuckles bleed over the ground, tears streaking down his cheeks. He cried, harder than he could ever remember crying, and it wasn't until he heard the familiar sound of heels and boots that he looked up to the sight of his sister and Jace that he managed to stop.
Max buried his face in Izzy's throat and hugged her as tight as he could, apologizing over and over again for not being enough to stop Magnus from leaving. He'd tried, but he hadn't been enough.
~!~
Alec wanted nothing more than to collapse and sleep for at least a couple of hours. He wasn't even going to attempt to sleep in his bed, in the sheets that undoubtedly still smelled like Magnus, but if he was going to sleep on his office couch, he at least needed a change of clothes.
Swiping his stele over the lock, Alec stepped into the room and froze, looking around as the door slowly clicked shut behind him.
Every single trace of Magnus was gone.
His clothes.
The sheets.
The pillows.
The shampoos and lotions in the bathroom.
All of it was gone.
His stele clattered to the ground, but Alec couldn't make himself move.
Every bit of life, every bit of Magnus that he had carefully stored in the room over the months they had been together was gone. Alec stared at it, taking all of it in.
This was what he deserved for what he had done.
He deserved more, for hurting Magnus as he had.
Alec didn't bother to grab a pillow off the bed. He picked up his stele and deposited it on the desk, in the usual spot that was no longer cluttered by Magnus' makeup and books and jewelry. He breathed through the searing agony of that realization.
Turning toward the shower, he decided he would forgo sleeping. It wouldn't be the first time that he went without. Nor, he suspected, would it be the last.
~!~
Eat.
Sleep.
Work.
Train.
Repeat.
His life, boiled down. Five words that he would live by.
Because, Alec knew, no matter how much the pain never stopped, no matter how much people refused to meet his eyes, no matter the comments that the Clave made, none of them could take those five things away.
Eat.
Sleep.
Work.
Train.
Repeat.
Izzy and Jace were worried. He saw it in their eyes, the questions that they wanted to ask, wanted to demand. But they never did, and a small part of Alec was grateful. He was already wounded beyond recovery. Twisting the knife was agony he did not need.
Eat.
Sleep.
Work.
Train.
Repeat.
It was a simple enough mantra. It got him through the endless Clave meetings. It got him through the Cabinet meetings that oscillated between outright hostility and anger to grudging acceptance. It got him through the nights when he curled into a pillow and let the tears come because even though he had no right, he mourned the life he had destroyed with his own hands.
Eat.
Sleep.
Work.
Train.
Repeat.
It was all that he needed. If he told himself that enough, maybe he would begin to believe it. He would believe it when the reports of a Greater Demon finally being banished from the city came from Lorenzo, with a grudging admittance that it had been Magnus who had ensured it. He didn't think about how much it hurt to say Magnus' name when he asked Lorenzo to extend the Institute's thanks.
Eat.
Sleep.
Work.
Train.
Repeat.
His mother called. Isabelle had finally told her what had happened, and she wanted to know, desperate to understand what had happened. Alec stood still, frozen in the face of her concerned upset. He let her hug him, let her give the comfort that he didn't deserve, and never would. He told her that he had given Max the family ring.
His voice didn't shake. He didn't imagine what it would have looked like on Magnus' finger anymore.
Eat.
Sleep.
Work.
Train.
Repeat.
Alec ignored the ever-increasing hints that he needed a vacation, needed to get away from the Institute. That he needed more sleep, more rest, more something. He ate more, just to please Izzy. Ordered his favorites from a restaurant to make them smile. Jace ordered what had been Magnus' favorite.
The food was ash in his mouth. He ate it anyway.
Eat.
Sleep.
Work.
Train.
Repeat.
...
Repeat.
...
Repeat.
...
Repeat.
...
Repeat. Until he couldn't anymore.
...
Repeat.
...
Repeat.
...
Repeat. What did a good night's sleep feel like?
...
Repeat.
...
Repeat.
...
Repeat.
...
Repeat. Shower. Wear clothes. None of those. He didn't deserve those any longer. Old and worn, that's what he was, and what he deserved.
...
Repeat.
...
Repeat. Eating was so difficult when food had no flavour.
...
Repeat.
...
Repeat. Train like he would die tomorrow. If only he was so lucky.
...
Repeat.
...
Repeat. See another sunrise. Forget what the sunrise looked like on golden skin.
...
Repeat.
...
Repeat.
...
Repeat. How long could he go on for like this?
...
Repeat. How long had it been?
...
Repeat.
...
Repeat.
...
Repeat.
...