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"So. You got the green light, huh?"
"-What?" Pete turns around. Andy is behind him, casually gathering some of his stuff scattered around the backstage lounge. He's already put his mask back on, so he sounds a little muffled.
"You got the green light." Andy says again. "From Patrick. For this matching outfit thing."
"Oh. Yeah, I guess so." Pete starts to realize what Andy is talking about. He picks up his half empty bottle of water and gulps down. Then he pulls his mask on, too.
It is just after the Detroit show. Patrick and Joe have returned directly to their separate rooms to shower and change, while Pete and Andy linger backstage a little longer, to cool down from the post-concert hype. Actually Andy seemed always cool and Pete always wondered why he does this, but nonetheless he stays.
"Was it weird? It wasn't too weird, was it?" Pete laughs a little at the end of the sentence, having noticed he just repeated himself.
"No, it wasn't." Andy replies. "I mean, I was a bit surprised when I saw it. But it's just because the pants are just really, you know, not from Patrick's usual wardrobe. That's all." Andy says slowly but sincerely.
"I suggested the oversize T-shirt. But Patrick actually picked the pants himself." Pete says, a little incredulously. Which is in fact how he's feeling. He actually couldn't quite believe it when Patrick put down the oversized T-shirt Pete thought he'd at least be comfortable with, and suggested he wear the Watchmen comic book print trousers instead. "How about freaking them out even more?" was what Patrick had said. Shit. He's kinda into this game, Pete had thought to himself.
"Really. Wow." Andy says simply. He coils his phone charger and stuffs it into his bag.
"I'm surprised, too." Pete admits aloud.
"They look nice on him." Andy stops and comments. "You look nice in them, too," he adds, "but it's just, you know. It's a new look for Patrick."
Pete's thoughts drift for a second. To the pants, to Patrick, to how Patrick looked wearing the pants. To how they hugged his thighs and buttocks, from Pete's view behind him.
Shit. Pete's mind snaps back to reality.
"The crowd. The reaction was incredible." He scrambles to say something.
"Yeah, it was. I think they loved it." Andy nods, with a smile in his voice. Pete smiles, too.
As they stand in brief silence, his thoughts drift again. He can almost hear the crowd screaming, at the opening of the show. The crowd went absolutely insane, probably because it was their return show after sitting out on three previous ones. Probably because Detroit was somehow always the loudest. Or probably because of the pants. Or a combination of these.
Anyway. Patrick was up front. Pete greeted the audience with his opening lines while Patrick did that with his powerful voice. The Phoenix. The way Patrick stomped his foot and sings with one hand behind his back. Pete's stomach churns as he thinks about it. The second verse. The little grunts and growls he made in between the lyrics. Those noises...
Pete stumbles on a pile of cables and nearly falls over, interrupting his train of thoughts.
"Dude, are you alright?" Andy exclaims, motioning towards Pete to help out.
"I'm- I'm fine." Pete replies, steadying himself against an amp speaker.
Wow. I'm drunk, he thinks. Even though he hadn't had more than two beers before the show, over two hours ago. He shouldn't be drunk. At least not drunk enough to feel like… this. He hasn't thought of Patrick like this for a while. It makes him shudder a little.
I'm just exhausted. He defends. Being exhausted almost had the same effect on him as being drunk.
"You sure? You look… tired." Andy must be a mind reader, Pete thinks. “You wanna sit down?" Andy reaches him and steers him into a nearby couch. Pete wants to protest but silently complies.
Once seated, Pete breathes deeply and tries to sort out his mind. He's been feeling strange since he saw Patrick in those Watchmen pants. It reminds him of things he used to feel earlier on in their time together. Years ago, when everything on stage was a lot crazier and he made those seductive gestures for more attention, more screaming. Or because he liked Patrick's reaction to it. Or, just simply because he liked it. He's not really sure which.
What was that he just felt earlier? His mind is tangled, and he feels a sudden urge to voice his thoughts out loud to help him think. With Andy here he feels safe to do so, so he does.
"Hey Andy?" He starts, carefully forming his words.
"Yeah?" Andy is now mindlessly tidying some magazines on the table.
"Did I ever tell you that… I'm kind of… into Patrick's- um, voice?" He says way too slowly, fumbling with a towel he just picked up from the couch.
“You mean like, sexually attracted to it? Or just, like, emotionally in love with it?” Pete deeply appreciates Andy’s words of precision right now. It really does helps him think.
“I don’t really know. Both? I think?” Pete shrugs.
“I think you used to say something on stage about that. About having a physical reaction or something.” Andy recalls.
Pete remembers that. He even remembers the exact words he had said, somehow. I get a raging hard-on when he sings that backstage, he had said. Patrick looked both disgusted and embarrassed, and he’d found it amusing to watch.
It was one of those things that was meant to be a joke. A flirtatious joke, not to be taken seriously. But now thinking back to those moments when Patrick’s voice does take effect on him, making his heartbeat uneven or his chest tighten, he realizes that maybe it was not completely a joke. Or, maybe completely not a joke.
“True,” He chuckles. “It’s just… I know I don’t like him that way? But there are, like, certain bits of his singing, or certain sounds that he makes, that really has an effect on me, you know?” He trails off, pursing his lips in thought. “I mean, is it weird? To feel like that about your bandmate? To still feel like that, even now, after all these years?”
“Well,” Andy starts slowly but sounds firm. “would it help if I said that his voice has that same effect on millions of people, not just you?”
Pete hums in thought. “You mean I’m into him, like as a fan?” He reasons.
“More like a talent crush?” Andy finds the words for him. “Or something like that.”
Pete smiles under his mask. “Yeah. Something like that.”
He already knew he had the biggest talent crush on Patrick. He literally did since the first time he ever heard Patrick sing. But he feels like he hadn’t felt like that for a long time. Right now, however, being back on tour, being together, performing together, Pete feels like he’s just been reminded how in love with Patrick’s voice and music he was. Platonically, spiritually, emotionally, talent-wise, or even sexually, whatever. He’s in love. Yeah, some ultra kind of love, in his own special, only-child-of-the-universe, unique way.
He closes his eyes, breathes out slowly, and acknowledges this. But soon he is yanked out of his mind again, this time by some hasty, giggly whispering voices outside the door.
“-I told you-”
“No, that’s just-”
“-Seriously, I thought after what you did-”
“-I didn’t do anything-”
“So it was-”
“Uuum, guys?” Andy calls in the direction of the backstage door. “We can kinda hear you here.”
The door creaks open to reveal Joe and Patrick just outside. Pete’s heart drops.
“You- you guys are back.” He croaks out the obvious.
“Yeah,” Patrick enters but sort of avoids Pete’s eyes. He moves towards the other end of the room, where the guitars are.
“We were talking about you guys.” Joe enters, too, and says to Pete, with amused eyes. Pete is secretly scared that they've heard what he'd confessed earlier, and they're going to make fun of him. Or worse, they've heard and they're never going to tell him. He's not sure which is worse.
“Dude!” Patrick warns. But Joe isn’t threatened.
“We were talking about the time you guys kissed.” Joe announces lightly.
Andy laughs instantly.
“Wha-?” It takes Pete a second to comprehend what Joe is referring to. Then it slowly comes back to him. Okay, they're not making fun of what he just said. He feels slightly relieved. But as the memories surface, it makes his ears heat up.
The scene, the kiss, the feeling of Patrick’s bangs in his eyes and their lips pressed together. The way Patrick smiled at him innocently but somehow seductively at the same time, biting his lip. The events that took place before that. What he saw from across the room.
“Wait!” He blurts out.
In the present, across the lounge, Patrick freezes and looks at Pete, his expression unreadable under the mask. Joe and Andy also freeze.
"That was the time you guys kissed first!" He's not sure why he's saying it, but it feels like a defense or diverting maneuver. But as soon as he says it, flashbacks of how he felt watching them make his entire face heat up. He laughs instinctively. To his relief, they all start laughing. Even Patrick is visibly cracking up.
"We were really that crazy, huh?" Andy says through the laughter.
"What the hell was going on back then anyway?" Pete demands. He's never confronted Patrick or Joe about it. Not until now.
Joe takes a minute to stabilize himself. Then he suddenly seems slightly nervous as he says, "That… oh, my God. That was just something really stupid. We wanted to see-"
"-He wanted to see-" Patrick interrupts, pointing at Joe.
"We kinda just wanted to see your reaction if you saw Patrick- well, Patrick and me kissing." Joe steals back and finishes the sentence.
"What?" Pete laughs incredulously. "Why? Where'd you get that idea?"
"We- we thought you were like, weirdly into Patrick or something." Joe explains, eyes still grinning. Pete's own words ring in his ear. In love in my own special unique way…
Slightly embarrassed, he ducks his head and purses his lips, even though no one can see it. "You guys are the worst."
"But I totally didn't know Patrick was gonna go and kiss you." Joe says, almost defensively. All eyes now dart to Patrick, whose eyes widen innocently. He shrugs and shakes his head lightly.
"I just... thought it was cute, I guess. I don't know. I honestly didn't know what's gotten into me."
"You were actually quite a little flirt back then." Joe remarks.
"Maybe," Patrick says sarcastically. "I was trying to blend in!"
Pete watches Patrick snap back to Joe and laugh with Andy.
Patrick looks comfortable and confident, in contrast to how he was in the flashbacks, shy and angsty, and also adorably flirty. He feels relaxingly warm and grateful. He's not sure what for. Maybe for the simple truth that they've all somehow made it through this pandemic mess and are standing here together, doing what they love. Maybe for what they've accomplished through all these years? Whatever that means.
Or, maybe, he's just grateful that he fell in love with Patrick's musical mind two whole decades ago, and has never fallen out of it ever since. Platonically, spiritually, emotionally, talent-wise.
Maybe all of those. He's still not sure, but he doesn't care.
"-Really, Wentz?" Joe's voice pulls him back to reality once more.
"...Huh?"
"You're saying you're honestly, like, turned on by Patrick's voice or something?" Joe demands.
Ah. So they have heard. Pete feels a little embarrassed again, but this time the affection that just filled his heart breaks through.
"I'm saying," He says, almost smugly. " If it has effect on me, it has an effect on the fans. That's how it works. That's why I'm the ultimate filter to our records. Okay?" He finishes proudly.
He looks over at Patrick, and Patrick's eyes smile at him.
Yeah, all of those. He's pretty sure now.