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Zari came to an abrupt stop exactly where the door opened up into their accommodations, blocking the way. She didn’t pay much mind to the mild bite in Julia’s voice when the other agent spoke up, waiting behind her to get into the room proper. "Agent Zari?"
Zari heaved a heavy sigh, her headache only worsening. When she spoke, her voice was sharp, yet tired in its irritation. "There's only one bed."
She went to set down the laptop bag, and Julia moved further into the room to confirm that there was, indeed, only one bed. They stood and stared at it together for a few seconds with no small amount of weariness.
"I'll go talk to reception," Julia eventually sighed, Zari approving that and letting her go with a terse nod. She did not want to have to deal with this, and if Argent was going to volunteer then she could go right ahead. Aside from that, no doubt the prospect of escaping the room felt like a welcome reprieve from the stifling silence that had persisted between the two agents since handing off Carmen to her allies. Zari wasn’t one to run from tense air, in fact having run right into such air on many occasions, but a little space would likely do them some good. It should help smooth things over so they could keep working as they should.
Because that was the crux of the matter. Stockholm Bell Tower had been a disaster, and the air between them since had not been kind. They had barely spoken since they left the icy ravine, both incredulous at the events that had taken place— Julia probably more so, but Zari was still baffled that they had Carmen Sandiego, and Chief had let her go instead of having her be treated under ACME surveillance. She trusted Chief, of course, but they’d finally had her.
When Julia returned, Zari was sitting at the desk, typing away on her ACME laptop in a blur of hands after having finished her sweep of the room. She turned and raised an eyebrow expectantly as Julia walked in, and Julia met her gaze with an unhappy look.
"Unfortunately, there are no other rooms available."
"What?"
"I did my best, but all of the rooms are booked. We will simply have to make do."
It wasn't like they could go find accommodations elsewhere over such a minor issue. This type of thing happened, but that didn’t mean they weren’t displeased about it. The look on Zari's face could have made milk curdle. Julia sat on a corner of the bed gingerly and sighed. They were both adults and professionals, not so unreasonable as to argue back and forth about sleeping on the floor. They were also both exhausted, the cold having long worked its way into their bones and tension still resting in the air, and so there was only a resigned agreement that was muttered between the two. It was far from the first time they’ve had to share a room, so it shouldn’t be too big a deal to share the bed either.
They would make do, but the events from today still sat between them, doing absolutely no favors for the unappealing situation.
Zari was, to say the least, distressed.
Once everything was in order she had made a beeline for her side of the bed and gone straight to sleep, ignoring Julia who somehow still had the mental energy to read. Zari was used to squinting at monitors and staying awake when necessary, but today had drained her mental reserves and her patience. Given the option, she was definitely not going to do some light reading before bed. Her limbs had been heavy since the bell tower, not that she had shown it in the ensuing chaos that followed, and she was still feeling that sense of exhaustion from the small amount of sleeping gas she had hacked up from her lungs earlier.
Despite the fatigue that had set in and dragged her into unconsciousness, Zari’s sleep was not restful. She’d turned into a light sleeper over the years, when odd hours were one of the norms at ACME and she needed to be able to spring awake at any given moment. Even with her worn-out state, she could feel the exhaustion as she slept, somehow—it definitely wasn’t the kind of sleep that would leave her feeling rested and refreshed. It was therefore not at all a surprise when she found herself waking up in the dead of the night, feeling as if she’d slept for either all of five minutes or fifteen hours. The unpleasantness of it hung over her like smog, but she cracked her eyes open blearily anyway, meaning to check the time.
Then she realized three things.
One, she was cold. She hadn't taken Argent as a blanket hog.
Two, she had evidently rolled over in her sleep, and was now facing Julia’s side of the bed, and by extension, Julia Argent.
Three, Julia was curled up way too close to her, almost nestled up into Zari’s chest.
It was practically an invasion of privacy; she could have counted the freckles, counted Julia's eyelashes. She could feel puffs of breath against her shoulder, just barely there, and Julia’s legs were resting against hers. Zari had frozen, eyes darting from Julia to around the room and then back to Julia, keeping her breathing carefully even to give the pretense of sleep. The room was quiet, any ambient noise from outside muffled by the snow and the late hour. In the silence, she realized another three things very quickly.
One. Argent was warm, and a part of Zari really, really wanted to move closer.
Two. Despite herself, her heart was beating way too fast.
And three. Julia Argent looked very pretty like this. Unfairly so, even. She had always been unfairly pretty, but with her delicate features relaxed like this…
Julia shifted slightly in her sleep, curling in towards herself. Zari suddenly tensed as if caught, nearly having jolted away, and the sudden implications of her uncharacteristic thoughts careened through her mind with a grace comparable to that of one Chase Devineaux. It woke her up like a shock of ice water, and somehow, against all odds, led her to a very unfortunate thought at the worst possible time.
It was for this reason that Zari found herself distressed in a way she had rarely experienced.
The unfortunate thought was not quite a conclusion. It was not decisive in the slightest, but even the very thought of it made her cringe, withdrawing from that thought like she’d been burned. She was very suddenly aware of the uncomfortable warmth that had settled behind her ribcage, cinders flickering in her stomach, the way the quiet just felt like too much all at once.
She carefully turned away from Julia, facing the other direction. Somehow that was even worse; she could feel Julia’s breathing against the base of her neck.
(It wasn’t impossible, but it was a baffling thought nonetheless. Zari had thought it impossible.)
She stayed still as long as she could. Her thoughts felt far out of her control, so used she was to handling them with an iron grip. She stayed stock still until she thought she’d burn to death alive if she didn’t get away from this bed.
Zari cautiously eased away from Julia. She slipped off the bed, pausing for only a moment when Julia shifted again at the motion. Hearing Julia settle back down, Zari grabbed her ACME coat from the chair it had been resting on and put it on hastily, the beginnings of antsiness in her movements as she made towards the balcony door and opened it. Ignoring the blast of cold air that swept past, she stepped out and quietly slid the door closed behind her. It had stopped snowing, at least.
She was almost grateful for the harsh chill. It had started to feel stifling in there, despite the cold.
Zari hesitated, and then reached into her inner pocket. Her fingers slid against a small, light box; she popped it open and fished out a cigarette from within. The small flame of her lighter did nothing against the cold, but she savored the gentle warmth of her first rush of nicotine in a while, the tension in her shoulders easing. She allowed her posture to drop as she rested her arms against the balcony railing. As she inhaled deeply, feeling the smoke curl in her lungs, she cast her gaze out over the view. The scenery was blanketed in a white, pristine sheet of snow, crisscrossed by shadows being cast from the pinpricks of light from the city and the light of the moon.
Does she like Argent?
She never liked how she and Julia got along (or didn’t, rather) when it came to working together. The other agent was too soft and naive, even if she was undeniably very intelligent. Furthermore, despite her rather reserved demeanor she liked to question everything. Perhaps it was useful in investigating leads, but it extended to their orders, what they did, and Argent would even question Chief. She’d questioned Zari many times as well, something that Zari had absolutely no patience for. They tried to keep things professional, to cooperate, but there was always that friction between them. It was tiresome.
Today had been a breaking point. Both of them had done what they felt they needed to do, and it had backfired on everyone involved spectacularly.
Julia had shot her a reproachful frown when Sandiego was being carried off by the medics, and it was clear that it wasn’t only because of the way Zari had sneered at the thief. She was aware she had never quite been forgiving nor kind with Argent to begin with, too, and the other agent losing her patience on the tower had confirmed that Julia was quite aware of Zari’s actions against her own agenda, even if they were in line with ACME orders. The anger in Julia’s voice earlier had made Zari curl her hand into a fist, the annoying little sliver of uncertainty in her twinging, but when it comes down to it she would have carried out the very same actions again, no question. Despite their efforts they were never quite going to work out as partners, and today had proved it.
And yet here Zari was, feeling… something. Something that didn’t just come out of the necessary range of emotions for the job, or out of irritation. Something that burned in a way she didn’t like.
She didn’t even know this could happen to her.
Agent Zari doesn’t do mushy feelings. Attraction of any type has never panned out for her. She doesn’t do romance, nor does she waste time fooling around with anyone. She doesn’t have time to have feelings for anyone. A part of her believes she might not even have the capacity to love, not the way others talk about love and affection and adoration, not the way they talk about their partners and the people they pine after like idiots.
That was what she thought. Now she might be one of those idiots. God.
Zari mentally backpedaled from that can of worms.
She should hate Julia. She thought she did hate Julia, the same way she just hated a lot of people. It would be much, much easier if she just hated Julia. For what reason could she even like Julia in that way? Sure, she was pretty, but Zari usually doesn’t care about that, doesn’t even notice. She usually doesn’t feel a twinge of angry jealousy over her partner’s willingness to stick up for someone else, doesn’t feel a faint, hesitant thrill somewhere beneath the impatience that arises whenever her partner challenges her, and oh, that definitely doesn’t bode well for her in hindsight now that she’s noticed it. That’s so mortifying she could resign on the spot. (She never would, but the sentiment’s there.)
And what really digs at her is the fact that she knows. She knows that whatever she’s feeling, she can’t feel this way. There’s no place for it in her life. She’s already gone over that, and things were never going to be more than professional, the way it should be.
It’s not like Julia could ever like her back, anyway. Zari isn’t self-pitying in the way she thinks this, as it seemed to be a simple but very sensible fact to her, as factual as the details on a mission debriefing. If anything, this particular mission should have solidified that fact. It didn’t help quell the turmoil within her in the slightest.
She doesn’t know what she should even do with this revelation other than to hold it close to her chest.
Zari didn’t get much time to think about it in the end. She exhaled slowly and addressed Julia without turning to look at her.
"Light sleeper too, huh?"
"I wasn't aware that you smoked, Agent Zari."
"I don't see how you could have known."
She tried not to smoke on the job, after all. She was trying to quit, actually, but it was probably clear enough that that wasn’t exactly working out just yet.
Zari was at least nice enough to hold the cigarette downwind. She tilted her head slightly to watch Julia approach out of the corner of her eye. It was not a big balcony by any means, so it wasn’t long before Julia stopped a respectable distance away, hovering beside the outdoor table. From the way her nose was scrunched up slightly, Zari could tell that Julia was not one for smoking. Not like she seemed the type, anyway. She was gazing at the view, clutching her jacket around her small frame and shivering slightly as the breeze picked up. Zari didn’t ask why Julia followed her out here in the first place, returning her stare to the snowy scenery. She was all too aware of how unlike herself she looked, hunched over the railing with her hair loose and a cigarette between her fingers. She was still mildly disheveled from her sleep.
At the reminder of her earlier situation and the thoughts it brought on her, her heart picked up the pace, traitor that it was. She could feel it in her fingertips, having foregone the gloves at this hour. This shouldn’t be that much different from the rush of a mission, something she had gotten accustomed to over the years; this should be easy. There was already a wall between them. Julia wrapped the jacket tighter around herself, and Zari willed her heart to freeze over like ice.
"Agent Argent, if you end up following Carmen Sandiego’s example and dying of hypothermia I'm going to have to do a lot of paperwork."
"Must you always make such cold and, frankly, unnecessary comments?”
Zari raised an eyebrow and resisted the urge to point out Julia's amusing and less than fortunate word choice. The question had been delivered without any real heat, full of weary exhaustion more than anything else, but the thought behind it was easy to figure out. Zari, too, was simply too tired for her anger to flare, for a snappy retort and a scathing look. She took a long, hard drag of her cigarette, and then forced the smoke out with a sharp breath.
The frigid silence stretched out between them. Zari is more than used to silence, but this one held all the weight from today. When Julia breaks it, it’s like glass shattering.
“Do you feel any remorse at all? She could have died.”
“I wasn’t expecting her to jump off the tower and fly right into a ravine in the middle of a snowstorm.”
Zari’s brusque avoidance of the question is all too obvious. Julia turned away from her with an audible exhale, no doubt to compose herself. Zari’s mouth was beginning to feel like an ashtray.
She regarded Julia. "You probably hate me." It was a careless comment, a thought that she let loose without much consideration, much like most of her snide remarks. Not that she cared. (In reality, it’s a selfish move, born of self-destruction. A crack in the ice. But she could still pretend, at least, that she had never put down her guard, never messed up; or if she had, that she didn’t care.)
"I... am upset with you," Julia corrected hesitantly as she turned back around, seemingly caught off guard. Good. "I wouldn't go as far as to say that I hate you."
Zari gave her a skeptical look. "Really. You don't need to play nice, Argent." There’s no way Julia is that nice, nor stupid.
"I know that you were following your orders, Agent Zari. And that you very much believe in following those orders," Julia added and rested her hands on the railing, despite the cold metal that was doubtlessly biting against her skin.
"Yes, like we're supposed to do when chasing criminals for a covert crime-hunting organization. Especially a criminal that keeps running from us and treats us like a joke.”
"You’ve heard my reasoning for my own actions,” Julia said calmly, but her eyes betrayed her, something steely and sharp in them. They were awfully expressive like that. “As for your own… perhaps I can’t agree with them. But it makes sense, and I can’t truly hate you for it, even if you seem to take pleasure in being disagreeable while doing so."
Zari doesn’t rise to the comment. She knows she is disagreeable, and that’s just how it is. She knows, too, that they would never agree when it came to Carmen Sandiego. There was a brief pause as she looked away from Julia and inhaled deeply, feeling the smoke burn her windpipe as it made its way down. A rough sigh escaped her lips.
"Nothing personal with you, then."
"I suppose not."
And Zari nods, because she gets it. Even if it seems they’ll never agree.
(But oh, the part of her that had been holding onto the sensation of Julia's warmth ever since Zari had awoken… it wanted to be personal.)
(It also knows that Julia Argent is far too kind. Maybe not forgiving exactly, maybe not out of genuine kindness towards Zari, but it knows that Julia Argent could stand to hate her, especially after today. Zari knows firsthand how much Julia wanted to see the good in people too, and she hates it. She’s always hated it. But that part of Zari dares to wonder if Julia could ever see good in her.)
Zari squashed that part of her with one last drag of her cigarette. "We're going to have to get moving in a few hours."
Julia smiled, humorless and brittle. She looked exhausted. They both were.
"In that case, shall we go back to bed?"
And Zari can’t resist at that phrasing. Her thoughts, as if in revenge for the merciless way in which she ground them out, had taken a nearly hysterical edge— she could laugh at the ridiculousness of it all. It was nothing short of a miracle that she stayed impassive with her chosen response, even with the undercurrent of acridity that accompanied it.
"Well, when you say it like that, Argent."
Julia blinked, assessing the exchange for only a moment before she raised an eyebrow in a somewhat bemused look, eyeing Zari's carefully arranged expression. "I did not think you were the type to joke like that, Agent Zari."
And Zari had to step closer and lean in, her piercing eyes meeting Julia's gaze. She reached past Julia, and the other agent was trapped briefly by the movement; Zari maintained eye contact as she stubbed out her cigarette in the lone ashtray sitting on the crappy little outdoor table behind Julia. Julia seemed to freeze and hold her breath, watching Zari’s face carefully, and Zari doesn’t know what she sees in the dark.
"Who said I was joking?"
Her voice is low and quiet. She’s certain Julia can smell the tobacco on her breath; a part of Zari that is more familiar to her takes dark, savage satisfaction at the thought, refusing to back down. Maybe it would make Julia draw back and keep her distance. Maybe it would make her ask for a change in partner, for someone who doesn’t smoke. Maybe somehow, it would make Julia finally hate her.
(Maybe that would be for the best.)
Then she was moving away briskly, heading back inside. “On second thought, I’m going to do a perimeter check. We won’t have time to sit around later so I’d follow your own advice if I were you.”
Julia was left on the balcony, staring blankly after Zari’s retreating form. She remained there until the door to their room closed behind Zari with a sharp click.
By the time Zari returned nearly an hour past, Julia had gone back to bed, her breathing quiet and slow. Zari made no move towards the bed. She stood in the dark, wondering why even if she had spent the whole perimeter check trampling her feelings for Argent underfoot and painstakingly reinforcing her walls, her heart refused to follow her orders to simply turn to ice. After all these years she had thought herself more than capable of that, thought she had already done it long ago. After all, she knew that as much as she hardened her shell, it would take only one good blow inside for everything to come crashing down.
Just do your job.
With that thought, Zari can do nothing but keep going, pretending she’s made of steel and ice. She knows in the end that Julia Argent only has eyes for a certain superthief, clad in fiery red.
The wall between them needs to stay up at all costs. Zari keeps her back against Julia the rest of the night, but to say that she manages to sleep at all is a stretch.