Chapter Text
It was, supposedly, just a normal debriefing with the Justice League. The mission had been successfully accomplished, no one was harmed badly and they were sitting around the table, listening to Batman giving his meticulously detailed report.
Barry was staring into space through the opposite window. Hal was forming little figures with his mind beneath the table and watched them fighting each other with little spears and swords. Green Arrow was trying to secretly place bets on what he thought might be the winning figure.
The Martian and Cyborg were polite enough to pretend they were listening, although they might not have been.
Diana, warrior that she was, complimented Batman’s report with some additional information from the fight and Superman took everything in with interest, but added little.
It was then that the emergency line lit up and started ringing. Everyone perked up, even more intrigued upon noticing, it was not the Justice League Emergency line, but rather Batman’s personal, still being linked to the Watchtower systems. This had never happened before. To say that the JL members were absolutely curious to find out more about their most secretive founding member, was an understatement.
The Martian noticed Batman’s tensing and if his capabilities were still functioning after such a long mission, he felt more- maybe worry? Or even dare say, fear? Radiating from the Dark Knight.
Batman quickly answered the call, audio only, which echoed through the room, due to still being attached to the Watchtower system.
“Batman. Talk.” As communicative as ever.
“I need help, B. Now!” It was a young male voice, sounding as exhausted as the members of the League felt.
Hal and Barry exchanged a curious look at the nickname.
“Report, now.” Apparently, Batman wasn’t much of a talker with anyone outside the League either.
“The Demon-brat attacked in full rage mode, going in for the kill, again.” The ‘again’ part came out with a little whine from the tired voice. “I may have damaged his katana while deflecting his strokes. Now he is even more furious. I can’t handle it anymore right now. I need help, B.”
Cyborg and the Martian tensed. “A demon? Down on earth?” Hal asked while straightening his shoulders. He was silenced before saying anything else by Batman’s raised hand and the infamous Batglare.
“Contact Nightwing, he’ll handle the situation.”
“Already tried, but he is unavailable and Agent A is not here either. The only chance I had right now was either you or Hood… and you know how he is…” The voice entered into a slightly panicked octave.
“Calm down, Red. You made the right call.” Barry gaped at Batman’s caped back, was there something soothing in his tone?
“You know the reason for the rage attack?” He inquired further.
There was a long sigh through the communicator. “Bat-Cow disappeared.”
“Disappeared? Kidnapped or stolen?” Batman asked with a deep frown.
Hal looked at Barry confused and mouthed ‘Bat-Cow’? Barry only shrugged but was more interested in listening to the rest of the conversation. This was pure gold, learning something about Batman, who was apparently called ‘B’ by his associates. Maybe the League should start calling him ‘B’ as well… maybe not.
The voice continued, sounding more tired by the second. “No idea, he blames me, but I swear, B, I have nothing to do with it. I don’t even know what happened.”
“Where’s he now?”
Batman really asked about the whereabouts of an obviously loose and dangerous demon in Gotham? Why wasn’t he on the move already?
“I was able to detain him… for now. Please B! I don’t know how much longer I can keep him from killing me.”
Batman sighed, pinching the bridge of his nose as if trying to ease an oncoming headache, even with the cowl still on.
Batman sighed? It must have really been a long day, Batman only grunted, never sighed.
“Fine. Get Titus and Bat-Cow’s cowl, we’ll try to find the location. I’m on my way. Get started.”
“Sure thing. Thanks, B!”
Batman ended the call with an even deeper frown and shook his head. The eyes of every League member were following his every move.
“I need to go. Make sure to file your reports as soon as possible. Dismissed.” He grunted and headed for the door.
Superman piped up. “You need help with your search for your missing, uhm… team member?”
Batman turned, looking at Superman. “No! Titus will find the smell.” His tone sounded irritated at Superman’s offer.
“Ok. Keep me posted on the status of your search.” Superman said with a friendly smile.
“Hnn.” A last grunt from Batman and he was gone.
***
Superman continued with the meeting.
“Wait! Wait, wait wait, wait! Do we all just pretend like that didn’t just happen?” Hal asked incredulously.
“What do you mean?” Superman looked confused.
“I think what he means is that this was like the first time we even heard about Batman’s associates. Aren’t we gonna talk about that?” Barry chimed in.
It was Diana who answered. “The personal lives of League members are theirs to share and not part of gossip. We should all respect the facts they share willingly and not pry on those that may have come up accidentally.”
“Yeah right!” Hal’s tone was sarcastic.
Barry: “But it’s Batman. No one knows anything about him. And he knows... like everything about us! That’s not really fair.”
There was some mild encouragement from the other League members to that statement.
“Diana is right. We do not pry on personal information here. Especially not secret identities.” Superman said with an air of finality.
“Ah come on! You guys all know our secret identities!” Hal gestured towards himself and Barry.
“And Aquaman and Cyborg!” Barry added.
“You know, you are not really helping your case here, since it was your own fault, we discovered your identities.” Green Arrow smugly added.
Barry groaned. “Not my fault… just sometimes my mouth is faster than my brain.” He mumbled.
“I dare say, we are all curious about Batman, but it is indeed his decision to share.” Martian Manhunter added. And the discussion was over at that. The meeting concluded and shortly afterwards ended.
***
Barry and Hal were manning the monitors at the Watchtower. Technically it only needed one person for monitor duty, but where’s the fun in that?
“Hey give me that, it’s mine!”
“You gotta be faster, man.” Barry grinned and swallowed all in once.
“Oh come on, that was the last Donut!” Hal pouted and sat back in his chair.
The communication monitor lit up unexpectedly and darkness appeared on it. Hal sat forward and recognized the darkness as what it was, Batman’s grim features, not really an improvement. Barry registered and sat up straight. Hal thought he was about to salute with a ‘yes, Batman, Sir’ and snickered to himself.
“Hey Spooky, what’s up? Find your Bat-Cow yet?”
There was a low grunt from Batman and if it was possible his features went even more grim.
“I was able to solve the case, yes.” Batman said sternly. “I am sending you some case files of the topic we discussed during the meeting. Forward them to each member. I will not be attending the next meeting. Make sure to discuss the given information and write a report. I need to follow up on it.” There was not a single please in his orders.
But Barry and Hal knew better than to wait on it.
“Sure thing, Batman, anything el-“ Barry trailed off confused and Hal sat up straighter.
There in the background of the ‘Batcave?’, at least Barry and Hal had dubbed it that the first time they heard Batman talking about a cave as his headquarters, was movement.
Something dark was flying towards Batman’s head and he barely ducked out of the way. (How he did it, Barry and Hal didn’t know, since he had been facing them and not the cave. But really, how does Batman do anything? Sometimes they doubted he was even human.) And the next moment there was a loud crack, like shattering glass and the monitor went black a second.
Barry and Hal looked at each other, a little on alert, but not sure what they were supposed to do now. Has Batman been attacked? But they didn’t even know where he had his base, so they couldn’t even respond in helping him. Before they could grasp on a strategy, there was a static noise and the monitor lit up again.
Instead of one feed from the cave, there were multiple angles appearing on the monitor. Some glitched, yet there was audio and different views. Enough for the two Leaguers to deduct, that indeed, Batman was in a cave.
Then the audio feed cut back in. “… do I have to repeat myself? I said, `No MORE’ new Batarang testing near electronic equipment!” Batman sounded angry and annoyed. There was an immediate response “It wasn’t my fault!”
Through the different camera angles Barry and Hal could see he was sitting in front of a giant computer. A computer where a black batarang was now sticking out, resulting in black monitors on the cave end.
“You think he can still hear us?” Barry asked hesitantly. “Not sure.” Hal answered with a shrug. “Bats?” Barry asked. There was no reaction from Batman. “Guess not.” Hal said with a smirk. “Oh this is pure gold!”
“Seriously Dick? Again?” Batman let out a loud sigh. A young man came into view via another camera angle. He was grinning sheepishly.
“Oh come on, B., Timmy said he fixed all the malfunctions on the batarangs. They are not supposed to be always drawn to electronics. Sooooo… technically it is Timmy’s fault.”
“Hey!” Came another young voice and Barry and Hal’s gaze moved to yet another angle to follow what was going on in the Batcave. There was a skinny, black-haired teenager (probably ‘Timmy’). He was grunting and trying to get a bunch of paper files away from a cow, which was attempting to eat them. (Barry and Hal took a double take at that. It was an actual cow… in the Batcave… with Batman…).
“It’s not my fault I was overworked with my other case files. I just didn’t have the time yet to reprogram them, ok?!” He grunted, while trying to get the cow of his paperwork.
“B… please do something! This dumb cow is eating my presentation for tomorrow…” The teenager whined, while the cow was chewing happily on his papers.
Another sudden movement and there was a small figure next to the teenager with a sword, no, a katana to the teenager’s throat. “Drake, you unworthy specimen of father’s offspring! How dare you insult Bat-Cow, after you are the one to risk her life in the first place. I should end your pitiful existence right-”
“Oh come on Dami, you don’t mean it.” Said the young man (Dick?) with a cheery attitude. “Deep down, you know you love us, I know you do.”
“Tt!” The young boy (Dami?) began to move back and swung his katana. “I shall demonstrate how much I despise you unworthy existences and-”
“Damian! Stop threatening your brother! Now!” Batman’s voice was a demanding growl. The young boy stopped mid-strike. “But Father-”
“Father?” Barry and Hal said in shock while looking at each other in confusion.
“We are not killing family members, nor any other people for that matter.” Batman stated calmly at his youngest (son? Really? He had a son, or even more if they had heard right, the others were brothers. How was that even possible?)
There was a laugh from a dark corner of the cave. “You don’t, but I do, and guess what old man, there’s nothing you can do about that!”
“What the actual f-” Hal was utterly confused and couldn’t believe this was happening in front of them.
“Uhm… you think we should try and turn it off?” Barry asked hesitantly.
“Are you kidding? This is the best entertainment I could ask for. Spying on Batman, finding out all of his secrets... “ Hal was grinning like a kid on Christmas morning. “Hell no, this is bribery material! Next time Spooky makes a not so nice comment, I can at least counter it with gossiping. Not giving up this chance!”
The laughing figure came into view and Barry and Hal took a sharp intake of breath. It was none other than the Red Hood. Even if he was a crime boss in Gotham that didn’t mean they haven’t heard of him in their respective cities.
Batman merely glared at the Red Hood, who was now leaning against the computer display, first taking off the helmet, revealing a domino mask underneath. Then, nonchalantly taking out one of his weapons and inspecting it. “Soooo, what’s going on here, anyway? Demon-brat on one of his killing sprees again?” It was said in a way too casual tone.
Dick chimed in: “Nah! Dami was just a little upset because Bat-Cow ran away and he was worried something happened to her.”
“Grayson, you know that was not the case! Bat-Cow was kidnapped and could have been seriously injured and it was all Drake’s fault. He will pay for hi-”
“Damian! I say this one last time, stop threatening your brother. It was not his fault!”
“But Father-”
Batman lifted his hand to stop all arguing. “Just go upstairs into your room and do your homework. Tim, I’m sure you have a backup of your presentation, just print a new one and then get some sleep tonight.” He pinched the bridge of his nose again, seemingly forgetting that his cowl was still in the way.
“We could all have family dinner, I’m sure Alfred has something in the oven…” Dick said with a cheerful grin.
“I am sure Nightwing has some important business tonight.” Batman said and it was not a question.
Dick’s good mood dissipated a little at the turndown. “Fine. But no one is gonna take my family cuddling time away!” And with that he jumped towards Batman and to the shock of Hal and Barry (that appeared to be the theme of tonight for the two League members), he hugged Batman tightly around his waist and lifted him slightly of the ground, more surprisingly, Batman let him.
“‘til next time, you old grumpy Bat.” Dick let Batman down again and punched his shoulder in a playful way. “You know I love you, Dad! Get some rest and try to not be so brooding next time.”
“Hnn.”
“Timmy!” Dick’s way too cheerful voice exclaimed.
Timmy in contrast to Batman was fast enough and practically bolted away from the cave and the camera. With Dick now chasing him up some stairs. “Ah, come here, little brother!”
Hal and Barry were watching that really weird display and hadn’t noticed the other monitor. They were suddenly drawn by Batman's voice and the Red Hood’s renewed barking laughter.
“Damian! Bat-Cow does not enter the Manor, nor will she be sleeping in your room.” Batman said to the youngest one in the cave who was trying to get the cow (Bat-Cow) towards one visible side arm of the cave.
“Father, must I remind you of the immediate danger she is in? It would be unwise to leave her unsupervised for the time that the perpetrator has not been neutralized.” The young boy had a really posh voice.
“No cows in the house!”
Now THAT was definitely one sentence Hal and Barry never expected they would hear from Batman.
The laughing from Red Hood grew louder by the second. “Oh fuck, I should really swing by more often. This whole shit show is just fucking hilarious!” More laughing followed.
“Jason! Language!” Batman chided the Red Hood. Like really? Batman chided the Red Hood, one of Gotham’s most ruthless criminals, as far as the League's knowledge was concerned. Maybe Batman should add a little info though, since it seemed theirs was not up to date.
“Tt.” Was the only response from the young boy that followed.
“Hey Demon-brat, why don’t you just camp outside at the barn with Bat-Cow? That way you can watch over her and be nearby in case anything happens.”
“Tt.” The young boy appeared to be thinking it over. “For an imbecile, Todd, you might have just made an uncharacteristic helpful suggestion.” And with that, Damian, the ‘Demon-brat???’, changed directions and pulled Bat-Cow to another end of the cave and away from camera angles.
“Whoa, did I just get a compliment from the Demon-spawn?”
“You know he will probably get pneumonia if he were to stay outside overnight.” Batman’s tone was clearly resembling an annoyed father by now.
The Red Hood smirked. “I’m counting on it.”
Batman sighed long and suffering. (Like really, had the man ever sighed that much in all of their League business?)
“I know it was you.” A simple statement, no questions asked.
“So? You gonna arrest me for- Cow-napping?” Red Hood grinned devilishly at Batman. “There’s nothing you can prove!”
A long pause between the two figures, sizing each other up. Finally Batman caved.
“Just stay for dinner. It would mean a lot to Alfred.”
A movement in one of the dark corners caught Barry’s eye. It was barely visible, a fast shadowlike figure moved with the darkness of the cave.
“Pfff… just Alfred, huh?” Red Hood threw his arms up in exaggeration. “Fuck you, old man!”
“Cass. Would you mind getting your brother away from Bat-Cow and inside to wash up for dinner?”
The shadow that Barry had seen moving around before suddenly appeared on the Red Hood’s side. It was a girl, with dark hair (a family trade, maybe?). She hugged the Red Hood around his waist and his shoulders relaxed visibly until he half hugged her back.
There was some fast movement with her hands.
“Thank you.” Batman said with a very fond and never heard before undertone. The girl quickly hugged him and then disappeared into the shadows again.
“I’ll meet you upstairs, Jay. Just going to reboot the system and hopefully salvage the last data inserted.” Batman said while the Red Hood (Jay? Jason?) was turning away towards the stairs that Timmy and Dick had disappeared on.
“Well, if you’re late for dinner, it’s all on you to explain it to Alfred!” And with that the Red Hood went up the stairs.
Hal and Barry did a double take at Batman’s expression. Was the man really smiling? They didn’t even know it was possible for Batman to smile.
A minute later the screens went black, Batman’s reboot successfully shutting down all camera feeds.
“What in the name of the almighty did we just witness?” Hal asked in wild astonishment and shock.
“I have absolutely no idea!” Barry was speechless, something that rarely, if ever happened.
“No one is going to believe this…” Hal muttered under his breath.
It's the Bat-Cow I found around the corner... although she might look more like a "Rorschach-Cow"...