Chapter Text
Janus wandered through the twisting woods of the Imagination. It was 3 A.M. and everyone should have been long asleep, but Janus had awoken to a truly awful taste in his mouth. The taste was so potent and bitter on his tongue, he knew they must be lies, and very harmful ones at that.
The piercing pain steadily tugged him deeper and deeper into the foggy forest. As he got closer, the buzzing got louder till he couldn't hear himself think. He could almost hear who it was and what lies they were repeating like a mantra.
Janus tripped over a gnarled root, only just managing to catch himself with his hands, face landing quickly after. Great, now he was dirty.
He quickly realised the horrible buzzing had cleared. He must be close enough to hear them now.
"Everything is fine. I don't need physical contact to function. I have everything under control."
Logan.
Janus idly realised he could hear Logan both inside and outside his head.
Janus quickly picked himself up and passed a few more trees.
He rounded one last tree and there was Logan, sitting with his knees to his chest, rocking back and forth at the base of a large, very old tree. Repeating those horrid lies. Despite his voice being dull and monotone, tears still quickly streamed down his cheeks.
Logan's glazed-over eyes drifted over to Janus when he accidentally stepped on a twig. He cut himself off and looked at the general direction of Janus' shoes without focus.
Oh, Logan wasn't wearing his glasses.
"I— Logan? Are… well no, you're obviously not alright." Janus crouched down beside him. "How can I help?"
"You can't help me. No one can. But that's adequate, I will… I can… do it, by myself. I'll… I'll be fine."
"No, Logan. Let—"
"I don't need help! I said I'm fine. " Logan all but spat out the last word.
The sharp feeling in Janus' tongue returned with a vengeance, making him tumble back squarely on his bottom.
"Logan," Janus said gently. "Logan, that's not true."
"Yes, it is. It has to be. I'll… I'll make it true."
Janus scooted closer. "Repeating something an excessive amount of times doesn't make it true."
"...I am aware. I am... also a— aware that these are f— falsehoods… I just don't know what else to do!"
"Let us help you! You don't have to do this alone, Logan."
"I should be able to," Logan said bitterly.
"No."
"I— no?"
"No. Humans aren't made to be able to do everything by themselves. They are community animals. And the same goes for us, even more so because we are parts of one whole personality. We're each a part of Thomas, and we're meant to work together."
"I— okay."
"Okay?"
"Okay. I have a problem. That's the first step, right? Admitting you have a problem."
Janus nodded encouragingly and gently laid his hand on Logan's shoulder.
Logan took a deep breath. "Next I... ask for help…" Logan looked directly at Janus. "So… I need help, Janus." Logan made an odd choking noise, fresh tears already streaming down his cheeks.
"Alright. Let's get you to bed then. We shouldn't, and really can't, do much till you've first taken care of yourself. Can you walk?"
"Yes."
Janus carefully stood up, using the tree for balance, and crouched down in front of Logan.
"Hmmm, let me reiterate. Would you like me to carry you?"
"...Yes please." Logan sniffed and attempted, only semi-successfully, to wipe away his slowing tears.
"Okay, easy does it." Janus lifted Logan with one hand behind his back and the other under his knees.
Logan buried his face in the crook of Janus' neck, most likely to avoid looking at the blurry, spinning ground.
They made it to Logan's room without coming across anyone. This, however, didn't surprise Janus, it was quite early.
Janus gently set Logan down on Logan's bed and summoned a bottle of water before sitting next to him.
"Thank you, Janus. Not just for the water, although I am grateful for it, but for… your help a— and your company. I'm feeling a bit better now, truly. If you wish to go sleep now, I'll be okay."
"I don't doubt that, but do you want me to leave? Or do you want me to stay?"
"I— perhaps, but you've already helped tremendously. I shouldn't— couldn't ask for any more of your time. I haven't exactly been the kindest towards you in the past…"
"That's not what I asked you though," Janus said, not unkindly. "Do you want me to stay?"
"I— well… y— yes, but this is far more than I could ask or expect from you! I— I haven't done anything to deserve this. I don't deserve y—" Logan flushed and looked away.
"You absolutely deserve kindness, Logan, although one could argue that basic necessities aren't something people need to deserve. You don't need to work enough or be good enough for basic human decency. Kindness isn't something you earn, it's given. It's something you can and should, be able to ask for. The others haven't been good at paying attention, particularly to you, resulting in you being ignored. And for that I am truly sorry. I'm… I'm hoping to help fix this issue. You should be cared for. Be taken care of.
“Even if you hadn't earned it, although you have done more than enough to, you should still be looked after. We all need someone to have our back. To be there when we aren't at our best. And to help us get back to where we need to be. Things like kindness and love aren't things you should have to deserve… but you could also say that everyone deserves kindness, love, and to just… be happy.
"So, I need you to understand, you deserve to be cared for."
Logan shuddered at Janus' stern yet caring gaze.
"Seriously, Logan. You've earned it, even if you shouldn't have to."
Janus slid even closer. He slipped a hand under Logan's jaw and held his chin firmly. Logan let out a small gasp as Janus tried not to get lost in Logan's very dilated, very brown eyes.
"I— you, um…" Wait, dilated? Janus completely forgot everything else he was going to say.
Janus was trying his best not to get distracted by Logan… But with his glassy eyes, soft unfocused expression and his strong, slack jaw, it was becoming increasingly more difficult. Janus was completely enamored by— no.
No. He couldn't go down that path. He wouldn't. He wouldn't do that to himself. Or to Logan.
...But how would Logan react if he just—
Janus looked at Logan's lips with a slightly amused smirk.
He couldn't help it. He needed to know what would happen if he just...
Janus stuck the very tip of his tongue out from in between his lips as he brushed his thumb against Logan's bottom lip, making Logan shudder.
Interesting.
Logan's breathing was a bit shallow and gods, was Logan beautiful. Janus couldn't help but want to kiss Logan's face. So he did… kind of.
What he wanted to do was deeply kiss Logan's mouth, hear all the pretty little sounds and whines he made, kiss him again and again, and murmur soft assurances into his soft lips till Logan was relaxed and happy... But what he actually did was disappointing in comparison, just a small kiss on the cheek, although Janus was pleased to see how Logan flushed.
After cuddling Logan till he fell asleep, Janus went to his own bed that night with his head hurting and his heart aching.