Chapter Text
Remus Lupin was, pretty decisively, not looking forward to his final year of secondary.
Another year that would be filled with crammed study evenings with bleary eyes and strained fingers; avoiding teacher’s hard gazes as they picked on someone to answer the questions that clearly nobody wanted to; trying (and failing) to support Lily in every school project she committed herself to.
It was simply another school year that Remus just wanted to be over. He craved summer: long, warm days, drinking in his back garden, reading dawn until dusk.
Least of all, Remus did not want to spend another year with Sirius Black.
It was a shame because, to be honest, Remus quite liked Sirius’ friends. James was friendly enough, and Peter - well, he was there too. Marlene and Dorcas were pretty nice as well. Actually, he shared his sociology class with Dorcas, and he really enjoyed working with her. She was smart and witty, and he had a feeling that Marlene was of a similar nature.
It was just Sirius that was the issue. And the worst part: Sirius wasn’t even an issue. Being around him, was the issue.
Black embodied just about everything Remus was not, and everything that Remus avoided. He was effortlessly popular - in the cliché, American, high school rom-com kind of way. He was almost arrogantly casual when it came just to about everything. He got away with so much - not completing homework, winking at teachers, kicking his feet onto the table. He was infuriating.
Remus liked him, and kind of hated himself for it.
And that wasn’t really fair to Sirius either because they - him and Sirius - didn’t even know each other.
Their paths had barely crossed. For every free period Sirius seemed to have, Remus had filled with a club. For every sports game Sirius was a part of, Remus opted for the library instead of watching. Or, even worse, playing. The two just… weren’t compatible.
So therefore, Remus had no right to be worrying about what Sirius Black thought of him. He had no right to even be thinking about Sirius at all. In fact, it was a rule he made for himself this year. It bares repeating: they didn’t even know each other.
“Remus?”
Remus jumped as his car door creaked opened, and Lily appeared at his side. He shook himself out his daze.
“Morning, Lil,” He smiled, starting his car up as she settled into the passenger seat. “Excited for another year?”
“Ha, ‘course I am. Are you, though?” She snorted, grinning back at him.
She had kicked her bag to the floor and was connecting her phone to Remus’ Bluetooth, baring a toothy grin.
“You know me, Lil. Couldn’t be happier.”
Lily laughed, head tilting back in a joyful little giggle. Remus loved making Lily laugh. He loved Lily full stop, to be honest. She was one of his only favourite things about school at all.
And yes, he was being dramatic. But teenagers are allowed to be just that.
They chatted as Remus drove, Lily’s throwback playlist blaring in the background. It was good to see Lily, thought Remus. Even though he had seen her pretty regularly over the summer, it still felt really good to see her just then. Remus had missed her a lot.
After a rather quick 15 minute car journey, Remus eventually pulled into the schools carpark. As soon as Remus switched off the engine, Lily loosened her seatbelt and swivelled to face him. Remus blinked.
“Remus. You, us, we… are going to have a good year, Remus Lupin. I can feel it. I’m manifesting it.” Lily stated matter-of-factly, staring directly into Remus’ eyes.
Remus eased away from her slowly - though, could you blame him? The girl could be bloody intense when she wanted to be.
“Okay, Remus replied simply, nodding his head. He wasn’t so convinced, but who was he to deny Lily's art of manifestation?
Lily nodded, (to herself or Remus, he wasn't sure), and started to get out of the car.
So. All Remus had to was not leave studying to the last minute, support Lily but not at the expense of himself, and do his damn best to avoid Sirius Black.
Easy.
**
Remus walked into his third period English class with sweat lightly sweeping across his brow. He had had to dart from the cafeteria on the school's ground floor, not realising his English classroom this year was a floor up.
Luckily, Professor McGonagall hadn’t seemed to have arrived yet. Unluckily, it seemed most of the class had.
He made his way up to the back of the classroom, a wall of loud teenage chatter at either side of him. Eventually, he made it.
Peter Pettigrew peered up at him.
“Um, hullo.” Peter smiled awkwardly, as if clueless as to why Remus might be standing at his desk.
“Uh, hiya. The seat next to you is the only free one left in the class. I was wondering if…?”
Oh God. He hated situations like this.
‘It’s only a classroom, not a fucking minefield’. He thought desperately. ‘These are kids, not assassins. Get it together, Lupin’.
“Oh! Oh, okay. Do you wanna just…” Peter trailed off, squeezing his seat in as so to let Remus by. Remus stared at the small space between Peter’s seat and the wall, and braced himself to make the tight journey across.
"Pete, mate. Would it not be easier to let Renold sit in your seat, and you just move one over?”
Remus turned around.
Fan fucking tastic.
“But-“ Peter looked crestfallen at such a suggestion. Remus was about to interject that he was more than happy to move in, but the voice piped up once more.
"Peter, class is about to start. Just move.”
“Fuck, fine. Fine, Sirius.” Peter grumbled, devastation clear on his face, grabbing his things and sliding one seat across.
“Sorry.” Remus offered, trying to smile at Peter. Peter nodded in reply, with a small smile that didn’t quite reach his eyes, and that was that.
Remus sat in the seat, grabbing his things out of his bag. Professor McGonagall had entered the classroom by now and was swiftly setting up her own things across her desk.
“Hi,” A voice whispered.
Remus’ head snapped up, following the voice. He turned, only to be faced with Sirius Black staring at him from across the aisle. Fucking gorgeous Sirius Black.
“Hey,” Remus whispered back, feeling a bit dumb.
“I like your bag. The pins are nice.” Remus peered down at the pins on his bag.
Various book and tv show pins peered back at him. Most notably, his bi-flag pin stared back - it was small and blended in, pretty much unnoticeable. Remus wondered if Sirius had noticed it.
“Thanks. And, um, it’s Remus.”
“Remus?” Sirius repeated, eyebrows suddenly furrowed together. His hands (Oh Christ, his hands) were balled into fists and resting against the table.
“My name. You called me Renold, but it’s actually Remus.” He explained plainly.
Sirius, to give him credit, seemed certifiably mortified. His cheeks flushed, and he shook his hair so as for it to fall conveniently in front of his eyes. He cleared his throat.
“Well, Remus. I’m Sirius" He smiled, cheeks still pink.
Remus, to give him credit, didn’t laugh in Sirius’ face. Was Sirius screwing with him? Was he trying to be polite? As if Remus wouldn’t know who he was.
“Nice to meet you, Sirius. We should probably pay attention.” Remus motioned his head towards the front of the class where McGonagall was beginning to call the register.
He stared towards the board and was determined not to look back towards Sirius and his dumb face, with his dumb eyebrows and his dumb hands.
Professor McGonagall introduced The Great Gatsby, and Remus settled into a long period dedicated to learning about a book he had already read thrice.
So much for avoiding Sirius Black this year, he thought miserably, as he dragged his orange highlighter across the first few lines of the first page.
**
Remus was unsure whether he was happy or un-happy with the earlier developments of that day. He lay in his bed at home, the soft creak of the floor groaning every few minutes as he turned from his back, onto his side, and onto his back again.
His speaker hummed from his bedside table, Mac Demarco crooning in his ear as he thought about… well, thought about Sirius.
It was strange. He really did like Sirius, as much as it annoyed him. He probably always had, since he first saw him. He remembered it with the fuzziness that comes when thinking back on memories from when you were younger: Sirius had come stumbling into their first History class of secondary school. James was bounding behind him, tugging on Sirius’ bag and pulling him backwards as they both collapsed onto each other in heaps of laughter.
Professor Binns either hadn’t noticed them, or hadn’t cared to, but he paid the pair no mind as they clambered towards two unclaimed desks at the back of the classroom, giggling and whispering and pushing each other around. Remus had been so annoyed. Lily had been too. Remus recalled her huffing the second they had entered the classroom, rolling her eyes as she jotted down the date in her notebook.
Sirius had kind of always annoyed Remus during school. And yet, Remus had always begrudgingly laughed at his silly jokes that interrupted important lessons and grinned as Sirius outsmarted a teacher at least once a week. It was hard not to like Sirius, actually. He was so charming, and likeable, and friendly. He was friends with nearly everyone in their year.
Everyone except Remus, that is (and maybe Lily too). Sirius had never once paid him any mind.
Except today.
Remus turned and smooshed his head further into his pillow, successfully burying his entire face into the soft comforter, and attempting to suppress his thoughts while he was it. It was a feeble attempt - his mind was too busy going at one hundred miles per hour.
It didn’t matter that Sirius had said hi, Remus tried to reason with himself. For Christ sake, ‘hi’ was all he had said to him, more or less. Nothing to get worked up over, and nothing that should keep him awake at all bloody hours of the night.
Remus turned back on his side, shut his eyes, and made the decision to shut out each and every thought about Sirius that crept into his mind from there on out.
That night, he definitely did not dream of orange highlighters, English classrooms, and holding Sirius’ hand across the aisle that separated them during third period English.
Definitely not.
**
School continued much the same as it always had. Not particularly exciting, but Remus didn’t hate studying as much as every other teenager seemed to, at least.
The only aggravating thing about the school year so far was… well, it was Sirius. He talked to Remus in third period English every. single. day.
He greeted him every morning before he had even sat down. He turned to him so often during class that Remus was surprised Sirius didn’t have a crick in his neck.
It distracted Remus so much.
And it was so irritating because English was Remus’ favourite subject. And every time Sirius whispered something toward his way, Remus would turn around and notice how the sun was glaring across his face just right, brightening his stark features, and he could hardly form words.
Enter his current predicament: he was sitting in English class, and McGonagall was up front discussing the use of tension in The Great Gatsby, and Remus could feel Sirius’ eyes burning into the side of his face. It took everything in him to not turn around and stare right back.
“Okay students!” McGonagall clapped up front, bringing the attention over to her.
Remus took the opportunity to glance to the side, as subtly as he could, and saw Sirius’ eyes had been drawn towards their teacher. Remus didn’t know if he was upset or relieved.
“I would like you all now to pair up with another student and discuss the use of romantic tension throughout Gatsby. I want you all to look at the way Fitzgerald explores the differences of love and lust through his use of this technique.” She continued, eyes flitting between her students.
Remus turned to Peter, who had just the beginnings of an awkward smile before McGonagall cut in once more.
“However,” she continued, lips curling at the edges. “I would like you to pair up with someone other than your desk partner. Not too much chaos, please.”
Peter and Remus frowned at each other, before looking out to the rest of the class.
“Pete! Partners?” Remus heard James Potter call out, passing by Sirius with a clap on his shoulder and over to Peter and Remus’ desks.
Remus could see the relief in the smile Peter sent James’ way, probably grateful to be saved from navigating the throngs of people switching and swapping seats. Remus himself looked out despairingly towards the said sea of people and braced himself. Before he could move, however, he felt a gentle tap on his shoulder. He glanced up.
“Hey, Remus. Would you like to be my partner?” Sirius said softly, almost shyly, his black hair falling into his eyes.
“Oh,” Remus said after a one-beat-too-long pause. “Yeah, sure, that’s cool," He eventually finished, feebly attempting casualness.
“Okay, cool.” Sirius smiled and slid over into James’ seat. Remus stood and collected his things, letting James steal his seat who smiled at him in thanks and took the now free one next to Sirius.
“So. Gatsby.” Remus began awkwardly as he placed his notebook and pens and highlighters in front of him in a neat little order.
He looked over to Sirius, who was watching him with a small smile. Remus tried not to think too much into his soft eyes and the tilt of his head.
“Yup. We need to talk about romantic tension in the novel.” Sirius replied, eyes not leaving Remus’.
“Mhm.” Remus hummed. He picked up his book and started to flick through the pages just so as to give him something to do that didn’t involve making heart eyes at the boy next to him.
“Do you have any thoughts or…” Sirius trailed off, kicking his seat back and winding an arm round the back of Remus's chair.
“Well... I think, obviously, the best use of romantic tension is really any scenes that involve Gatsby and Daisy interacting with one another. Gatsby is obsessed with her. The tension radiates from him alone.” Remus mumbled.
He had highlighted one of the passages in the text, and turned to point it out to Sirius in order to prove his point. Sirius leaned in close, his face hovering near Remus’ as he leaned in to read the passage. Remus could nearly feel Sirius’ breath on his cheek.
“’ They were sitting at either end of the couch looking at each other as if some question had been asked or was in the air, and every vestige of embarrassment was gone.’” Sirius read aloud quietly, his finger tracing the lines as he went.
Remus watched, and if he was any more self-aware at that moment, maybe he would’ve felt embarrassed. As it was, he watched Sirius’ delicate fingers glide across the page and felt his arm brush against his own, and listened to the way he let out a breath once he was finished.
Remus swallowed again. “See what I mean?” He said, eyes glancing up to Sirius’.
It was only then he realised just how close they were - close enough that Remus could make out the creases next to Sirius’ eyes. To the other students in the class, it would look like nothing more than a focused discussion. Maybe to Sirius that’s exactly what it was. But Remus - he couldn’t help it, but he felt more.
“Yeah. He really likes her.” Sirius replied plainly.
“More than likes.” Remus supplied.
They watched each other, just for a moment, before Remus moved back. He shook his hair out of his eyes and pulled his notebook back towards himself. He grabbed his pen but it hovered over the page. He didn’t know what to write because Sirius hadn’t moved back yet, and Sirius was still staring at him.
“Do you think Nick and Gatsby might’ve liked each other?” Sirius said casually, finally leaning back, crossing his arms across his chest.
Remus startled, head snapping up as he furrowed his eyebrows.
“I-I don’t know.” Remus stuttered, shrugging his shoulders a little helplessly. The question felt so direct but also not direct at all. It felt so out of the blue.
“I’ve read this book a few times, you know.” Sirius continued. “And the last time I reread it before we started it for class, I did some research on it. There’s quite a bit of queer theory out there regarding Gatsby and Nick’s relationship. Not a lot, but, you know.”
Remus stared at him. He had no idea what to say in reply. If he wasn’t so taken aback by what Sirius was talking about, he would’ve been almost as taken aback by how eloquently Sirius spoke.
“Maybe on Nick’s part,” Remus began carefully. “Not sure about Gatsby. He seemed desperately in love with Daisy. Like, tragically in love.”
“Yeah,” Sirius smiled. It was that small smile again. “Maybe you’re right.”
Before Remus could respond, McGonagall called the attention back to the front of the class.
**
“Why is it so warm? It’s late September. Late September is for jumpers and warm drinks.” Lily complained as she and Remus lounged outside on the grassy school grounds.
The sun shone hard and furious down upon them, and Lily had her arms raised to shield the harsh glares from her eyes.
“I know, Lils. Autumn is where I thrive. I’m supposed to be thriving right now.” Remus was whining just as much, leaning back on his arms with his jumper tied around his waist and shirt his sleeves rolled up. Teenagers.
“Exactly! Autumn was made for redheads. It’s my season and the sun is ruining it.”
Remus chuckled at Lily slumping all the way down onto her back, evidently giving up on protecting herself.
“Watch you don’t burn yourself, ginger,” Remus smirked, leaning over to nudge Lily.
“Watch yourself,” Lily muttered without opening her eyes.
The pair basked in comfortable silence for a little while, lying side by side, before their attention was pulled to something coming towards them.
“Remus! Hey! How are you?”
Remus pushed himself into a sitting position, just in time to see Dorcas Meadows take a seat on the grass across from him. He glanced up a little further and saw Marlene McKinnon and James Potter coming up behind her. And, of course, at the very back of the group, Sirius was trailing behind them too. Although, he seemed to be walking a little… sheepishly?
“Mind if we sit?” Dorcas continued, as bubbly as ever, “Not seen you in ages.” She smiled.
“’ Course not.” Remus smiled back. Remus scooted a little closer to Lily subconsciously, even though there was plenty of room on the grass around them.
Marlene sat down next to Dorcas, her arm resting lazily across Dorcas' leg. Remus tried not to raise an eyebrow - he liked the thought of them together, though. They would make a good pair.
James sat on Dorcas’ other side, next to Lily. Remus could tell that Lily was suppressing an eye-roll, but if Remus didn’t know any better, he would think that James was making hopeful eyes in her direction. Again, he resisted the urge to raise an eyebrow.
Lastly, Sirius sat down on Remus’ other side. Remus held his breath.
“How have you been?” Remus asked Dorcas, seeing as she had approached him and all. He was mostly trying to distract himself from the boy sitting next to him.
“Good, yeah! I’ve been so busy this term, I feel like I’ve hardly seen you.” Dorcas pouted playfully.
“I know me too. Lily has me joining her in every club imaginable.” Remus joked.
Remus and Dorcas shared sociology together, as they had the previous year. Unlike the previous year, however, they weren't desk partners. Remus had frowned when he realised this at the start of term - he had enjoyed working one-on-one with her.
“That’s such an exaggeration, Remus!” Lily groaned good-naturedly, knowing Remus wasn’t far off.
“What clubs are you guys in?” James asked them, although his eyes were trained on Lily.
“If you must know,” Lily began, her chin jutting out, “We’ve only joined the debate club, the publishing group and the school's book club. That’s three less than last year, and the book club was Remus’ idea.”
“Yeah, yeah.” Remus laughed.
“Wow, you must have a lot of energy to be involved in so many clubs. That’s really cool.” James said, this time directly to Lily. He smiled a little crookedly in her direction.
“Oh,” Lily stumbled - clearly not having expected such a compliment from James. “I guess, thanks.” She mumbled, half-smiling in a way that clearly showed she didn’t know if he was being sincere. James only smiled in return.
“Oh!” Dorcas suddenly exclaimed. “Emmeline Vance is throwing a party next Saturday. Have you guys heard?”
“Yeah, she texted us both the other day. Dunno if we’re gonna go, though.” Lily shrugged.
“Guys! You need to! I’ll pay for your booze if you do.” Dorcas said in return, bouncing a little in her spot. “It’s the perfect time for a proper catch-up!”
“Remus?” Lily asked, turning her head towards him.
Truthfully, Remus nor Lily had much intention of going to the party when Emmeline had first texted them. Although neither of them were necessarily opposed to a party, Emmeline’s parties were known to be particularly chaotic, and they had a publishing group meeting the Saturday morning after.
“We’ll think about it,” Remus smirked while Dorcas booed in the background.
“Hey Lily, have you done the homework for Slughorn’s class yet? I swear, he’s killing me.” Marlene said. Her voice had a sweet lilt to it, and Dorcas reached over to brush her hair over her shoulder as if she did it several times a day. Maybe she did, Remus mused.
“Oh yeah! I have, actually. You wanna see?” Lily replied as she pulled out her notes.
Remus tuned the conversation out. He hadn’t taken chemistry this year, considering he was miserable at it. He simply bathed in the sun once more as the group chatted around him. It was peaceful.
“You gonna come? To the party?” A voice next to him said lowly. Remus turned towards it and found Sirius leaning close towards him. Remus had nearly forgotten he was there, he had been so quiet.
“I don’t know. You think I should?” He asked, his volume matching Sirius’ own.
He watched as Sirius dragged his eyes down Remus’ face, his tongue darting out across his lips and resting between his teeth. Sirius shrugged.
“I think it’ll be a good time, yeah.” He lolled his head lazily to the side. Remus held his breath again.
“Okay,” Remus whispered. Sirius’ smile widened.
“We need to get going for debate, Remus.” Lily nudged him as she stood up to grab her bag.
Sirius broke eye contact first, breaking Remus out of his daze. He quickly grabbed his own bag and joined Lily.
“See you guys later.” Remus grinned as Dorcas and Marlene waved up at him from their spots on the grass.
“Yeah, bye guys.” Lily smiled. Maybe Remus would’ve noticed the way Lily’s eyes lingered on James if his own eyes weren’t lingering on Sirius.
**
remus : we’re going to the party
lily : but we were gonna watch a mooooooovie
remus : but james will be there
lily : …
lily : this is unrelated
lily : but we’re going to the party
**
Remus stared at himself hopelessly in the mirror. He was in jeans, a blue button-up. His hair was soft and curly. He looked… well, he looked alright. But he was so nervous. He couldn’t stop fussing with himself, couldn’t stop adjusting his clothes or his hair.
He didn’t quite know why he was so nervous. This wasn’t his first party by any means. Remus usually enjoyed the parties he went to. He and Lily normally set up camp in the kitchen, drinking cheap vodka with whatever mixers they could find and getting suitably drunk, before branching off to other groups occupying the space around them. It was kind of fun, usually.
Maybe it was the number of people going that was causing his anxiety to heighten, Remus tried to reason with himself. But as he stared at himself in the mirror, having tousled his hair for around the 10th time, he knew it had less to do with the number of people attending and more to do with who might be among those people. Confronting those feelings, however, made his heart beat a little faster and his mouth feel a little drier. Luckily, his phone cut through his thoughts before he had to think about it for too long.
lily : i’m outside BITCH hurry up or i’m going without u 😌
remus : don’t go baby u know i can’t live w/o u 😔☝️
lily : remus istg if u don’t MOVE
remus : ok ok sorry i’m coming
**
The party was bustling with people.
Every time Remus turned his head, he seemed to spot somebody new. He and Lily entered together - their arms linked together loosely. They stopped in the crowded entryway, soaking in the boozy atmosphere. Lily broke her arm free of Remus’ and reached inside her bag, pulling out a cheap bottle of vodka that she kept underneath her bed. She unscrewed it and took a sour shot from the bottle, before wordlessly handing the bottle over to Remus. Remus took a gulp of his own, breathing through the bitterness before handing it back to Lily.
“Evans! Hey, Evans! C’mere, need your opinion!”
Remus and Lily both turned towards the voice, and Remus was unsurprised to find James to be the one calling after Lily. Remus watched with a smile playing on his lips as Lily arched an eyebrow James’ way.
“I’m just in the door Potter, what could you possibly want already?”
James grinned in response. Remus didn’t know how, or why, but James seemed to chase after Lily’s disinterest. She never directly rejected his attempts of conversations or his advances, but she never encouraged them. Remus had noticed him coming up to her more and more lately, though.
“Come onnnnn Evans, trust me. You know you want to?” James batted his eyes, and Lily rolled hers in return.
“Hold this,” she muttered to Remus, pushing the vodka back into his hands, “I’ll be right back,” Lily promised him.
Remus watched her walk towards James, her arms crossed as a delighted look spread across James’ face.
Remus took another swig from the bottle before peering around the party, wincing at the taste. He really needed to find a mixer. As he looked around, he recognised a few people, but not many. The Prewett twins were over towards where the kitchen seemed to be, and a small crowd gathered around them. They seemed to be in some kind of shots competition, and Remus was certain that one of them would end up throwing up on the other before the night was out.
“Fancy a smoke, love?”
Remus startled at the low voice in his ear, turning quickly to his left. He smiled.
“Hey, Dorcas. For the love of God, please.”
She smirked, before grabbing his hand and leading him through the crowd. She seemed half-cut already, joint dangling loosely from her fingers. She swayed in time with the music as they weaved through the mass of sweaty teenagers, before eventually pulling Remus through the terrace doors. She tugged him all the way over towards a deep-seated swing in the garden, landing gracefully on top of it and pulling Remus down with her.
“For you, my love.” She passed him the joint, before lighting it for him, hands cupped around it. Remus inhaled gratefully, greedily. He was all of five minutes into the party, and already relieved to be away.
“Not much of a party person?” Dorcas smiled, lighting her own.
“Nah,” Remus breathed out. “How could you tell?” he smiled lazily.
“Just a hunch.” She winked, lolling her head back against the swing. “I’m the same, it’s not as fun without Marls here.” She sighed regrettably.
“How come she isn’t?” Remus asked, puzzled. Dorcas and Marlene were always together, and usually with James and Sirius in tow.
“Sirius had some kind of emergency,” she rolled her eyes, voice dripping with sarcasm. “They’re both coming together, probably be here shortly. You and Sirius get on, don’t you?”
“We do?” Remus’ brows furrowed, and he resisted the urge to let his mouth drop open.
“Well, I thought so. Sirius, the bloody buggar, he’s always going on about you.”
“He is?” Remus asked, mostly to himself, voice so low he felt it scratching. Dorcas seemed oblivious.
“Oh, for sure. Feel like you guys are basically soulmates the amount he goes on about you-“
“Dorcas, I just remembered. I need to grab Lily for- well she has my booze, I need to grab her.” Remus interrupted, passing the joint back to Dorcas and praying she didn’t notice the near-full bottle of vodka already clutched in his hand.
“Don’t be daft, go on! Don’t have too much fun without me.” She winked again, and Remus give a little timid smile in return before racing back inside, trying to act like he wasn’t on the verge of a meltdown. His heart was thudding in his chest.
Sirius spoke about him? Like, regularly? Like, a lot, according to Dorcas.
What did that mean?
Remus rubbed his eyes, trying to refrain from outwardly groaning into his hands. Get a grip, Remus. He’s only a boy, he thought desperately.
Remus passed through the living room, briefly noting Lily engaged in a somewhat intense-looking conversation with James who, as ever when with Lily, was grinning ear to ear.
He made his way into the kitchen, peering at the strewn bottles of alcohol and mixers lying on the worktops. He picked up the first clean-looking shot glass he found, filled it to the brim, and downed it.
Well, he’s at a party. He may as well act like it.
**
Shit. Remus was drunk.
He didn’t quite know how he had gotten this drunk. Especially when he was, quite pathetically, by himself. He leaned against the doorframe of the kitchen, swirling his drink in his glass.
The music was thrumming in the background, Remus faintly making out Maneater amongst his drunken, hazy thoughts. He glanced around the kitchen, several groups of people surrounding him in the small space, all up to different drunken antics. And then, as his eyes slowly moved around the room, he caught a pair looking right back at him.
Grey eyes.
When had Sirius arrived? Shit, he thought. I am way too drunk for this.
Sirius was leaning against a wall on the opposite side of the room, straw dangling loosely from his mouth, connected to a dangerous-looking concoction. He was wearing a black button-down, the front few buttons undone. And he was staring directly at Remus.
Remus stilled, glass halfway to his mouth. Was Sirius looking at him on purpose? Or was he staring into nothingness, and Remus was so far gone that he thought Sirius was looking at him? But, no, Sirius had pushed himself off the wall and was walking over. Directly towards Remus. Okay. Don’t panic. Don’t panic. Don’t panic.
“Hi.” Sirius smiled, standing in front of Remus now. Remus stared for a beat too long - Sirius watched him with a raised eyebrow.
“Hey,” Remus replied eventually. He brought the half-raised drink to his lips slowly and downed it there and then. Sirius watched his every movement, eyes travelling from his hand to the cup to his lips. He stared as Remus swallowed the liquid.
Remus smirked, but that was definitely the drink. Sirius smirked back.
“So,” Sirius started, resting his hip against the doorframe opposite, “how are you enjoying the party?”
Remus glanced around for the second time, the busy kitchen still bursting with conversation and drunk teenagers kissing and dancing. The LED lights were bright enough to hurt his eyes.
“It’s okay,” he shrugged. He flicked his eyes back to Sirius’. “How are you enjoying it?”
“Wasn’t enjoying it much till a few minutes ago.”
He quirked a brow in response. “That right?”
“Yeah,” Sirius whispered lowly, inching closer. Remus could feel Sirius’ knee bump against his own, and his hand suddenly seemed very close to where Remus’ own was gripping the door.
Whatever was happening suddenly felt quite dangerous.
Remus tried to get a bearing of what was happening just then, at that moment. Sirius was definitely hitting on him, and Remus was definitely receptive to it. He tried to focus on what to do next, what to say, but Sirius just wouldn’t stop looking at him. His eyes were travelling across the entirety of Remus’ body, it was like he was drinking in him. It was intoxicating. Sirius inched closer.
“You look pretty good tonight, Lupin.” He said hotly, breath fanning across Remus’ flushed cheeks.
“Oh yeah?” Remus said in return, eyes fluttering shut. Shit.
“Yeah. Shit, you really do.” Sirius murmured softly. Sirius's hand reached forward and let his fingers rest against Remus’ wrist, hand closing around it gently.
"Dorcas said you speak about me sometimes.” Remus opened his eyes, Sirius’ fingers still wrapped loosely around his wrist. If Remus was sober, he probably would’ve cringed from embarrassment at saying such a thing. Although to be fair, if Remus was sober then he probably wouldn’t be in this position right now.
“Did she?” Sirius whispered. A smirk ghosted his lips as his fingers tightened around Remus's wrist. Christ, Remus thought, I really love his hands.
“Mhm. A lot. You speak about me all the time.” Remus stated. He titled his head so far that it rested against the wall behind him. Sirius’ eyes trailed down the length of his neck.
“Does that bother you?” Sirius asked. His fingers were moving now, caressing up his arm and towards his shoulders.
Definitely dangerous.
They were in public. Remus had to get out of there.
He shoved Sirius back suddenly. Sirius blinked back in shock - as if he hadn’t realised quite how close they were.
“I’m um, going to the bathroom. I’m gonna go the bathroom and, um, I don’t know if you were needing the bathroom too. But I’m gonna go there. And if you need the bathroom, you should go there too. If you wanted.”
Remus didn’t stay to see Sirius’ widening eyes or flushing cheeks or the way he swallowed slowly.
Instead, he quickly pushed by him and walked upstairs, hoping and praying to find an unoccupied bathroom.
Luck was playing ball tonight, it seemed. He darted into the bathroom, wringing his hands and resisting the urge to bite his fingernails. He barely had time to process what had just happened, if he had read the situation right at all when a dishevelled-looking Sirius appeared in the bathroom doorway.
They stared at each other for a moment, before Sirius turned to shut the bathroom door. Remus could’ve sworn he heard the click of the lock.
They stared at each other again, as Sirius slowly walked forward, until he was face to face with Remus - as close as they had been downstairs. Maybe even closer. Remus thought he might faint - dizzy with anticipation. The steady beat of the music thrummed in the background.
Sirius gently brought his hand up, tracing Remus’ jaw with his fingertips. His movements were stilted, as if hesitant. Remus leaned forward, letting his forehead knock gently against Sirius’ own - an unspoken invitation.
Sirius let out a breath, eyes searching Remus’ face, roaming from his forehead down the length of his face, to his lean neck. Remus brought his own hand up slowly, letting it curve around Sirius’ warm neck, fingers threading through his hair. He tugged Sirius forward, and eventually their lips, ever so slightly, touched.
Remus pulled back almost immediately, eyes widening in panic and a sudden thought of what did we just do?!, only for Sirius to drag him back, capturing Remus in a kiss that was deeper and longer and greater and better than what Remus could have imagined.
Sirius was intoxicating. The way his lips felt, the way his hands felt as they travelled down Remus’ neck, tracing his arms before they gripped his waist, then his lower back. This was better than what Remus could’ve ever thought. It felt surreal.
They kissed for what felt like hours but were probably more like minutes. Cramped together in the small bathroom, Remus’ back cool against the tiles. The music continued to thrum in the background. Remus pulled away; his hands still winded around Sirius’ neck. Sirius's fingers eagerly gripped his shirt, pulling him forward again, only for Remus to halt him midway. Sirius stared at him.
“Long time coming,” Sirius whispered after a pause, eyes hooded and lips still slick.
Had it been?
“We should talk,” Remus said.
“Yeah. Yeah, we should.” Sirius replied. His eyes, however, had already wandered back downwards, and he was inching closer again.
“We should talk,” Sirius muttered again, as he pulled Remus close until their lips were connected once more.
This works too, Remus thought briefly; before the alcohol, and the heat, and Sirius blurred his thoughts together.