Chapter Text
“I’ve called everyone here today because I need help.” Kenma looked solemnly around the room at the gathered members of the former Nekoma volleyball team.
“Shovel or bucket kind?” Fukunaga immediately called from the kitchen.
Kenma smiled slightly. “Thanks, but neither. I need help finding someone for Kuro to date so he can stop whining to me about his tragicomedy of a love life.”
Kuroo, who’d previously only been listening with half an ear, too engrossed with his phone, immediately looked up. “What the hell? I knew there was something fishy about this sudden reunion.” He pauses with a stricken look, “Is the cake a lie too?”
Kenma sighed. “Kuro, we’re all here to help fix your dating life so you can stop bothering me with it. Hopefully, having a partner will also stop you from trolling people on Twitter.”
Guiltily exiting out of the app, Kuroo scoffed, “I don’t need help. If you didn’t want me to talk about it, you could have asked. You know, like a normal person, rather than calling everyone here. Plus, you didn’t answer my question.”
Lev waved his hand in the air excitedly, “Ooh, ooh. What about signing him up on a dating site?”
“Lev, you’re not in high school anymore, you don’t need to raise your hand.” Yaku sighed as he smacked Lev’s arm.
Kuroo muttered, resigning himself to a cake-less life along with whatever torture his (nominal) friends were going to put him through. “I’ve been using one, andI’ve managed to go on dates. Besides, why aren’t you focusing on any of the other sad singles in this room?”
“Yea! We want dates too!” Yamamoto and Inuoka nodded vigorously, missing Kuroo’s insult.
“First, you’ve been on one date, and second, no one else has drunk dialed me when I’m in the middle of a boss fight, crying that they’re never going to find the perfect pair of thighs to lay their head on.”
Unable to refute Kenma’s acidic words, Kuroo stayed silent, though he did petulantly kick at Yaku for snickering.
Kicking him back, Yaku asked. “Well if that hasn’t been working out for you, what about putting an advertisement in the papers? Like when people sell their furniture. Or used sneakers.”
“...Or maybe we could first ask around? Test the waters, see if people we know, or their friends are interested? Kuroo isn’t exactly the most outgoing.” Kai mused thoughtfully, as he pulled an irate Kuroo back from a smirking Yaku.
“That could work. We should write up a bio to hand out to people.” Kenma nodded to Fukunaga in thanks, as he passed him a plate of risotto.
Kuroo, who had now initiated his strategy of simply pretending none of this was happening to him, sullenly accepted Fukunaga’s plate as he glared at everyone else present.
“Well, if we’re writing his profile, it definitely needs some sort of up front warning.” Yaku reached over to Kenma’s laptop, typing into it: ‘To Whom it Will Concern.’ Nodding in satisfaction, “That should be a good start.”
“A pros and cons list might be nice too.” Inuoka immediately reached for the laptop, “Here! Pro: Affectionate and really good at giving cuddles.”
Kenma nodded, as he chewed, “Yea sounds good. By the way, the risotto Fukunaga made is super tasty. You guys should all try it!”
“... So… There really isn’t any cake?”
“No, Lev. I’ll bring some next time.”
________________________________________________________________
[Text: Yaku]
[Text: Sugawara]
Yaku: Hey Suga. Kenma’s been trying to find someone for our resident stray. Know anyone who’d be interested?
To Whom It Will Concern,
Looking for a special person to care for a black haired menace.
Pros:
-Affectionate and really good at giving cuddles
-Smart (Sometimes)
-Apparently pretty/handsome
-Loyal
Cons:
-Will lie on top of your laptop whenever you’re trying to do work or play games
-Will try to lie on your lap despite being way too big
-Sleeps in weird places
-You can probably kiss your privacy goodbye, but if you enjoy having a conjoined twin, this might belong as a pro?
-Drinks directly from the faucet like a weirdo
At the end of the day, Kuro is a good guy. He’s just been having trouble finding that special place in someone’s heart, so please don’t let any of his issues keep you from falling in love with him.
Suga: Awww this is so sweet!
Yaku: I think the word you actually mean is nauseating. Anyway, know anyone interested?
Suga: Don’t be a downer Yaku. I happen to know the perfect person.
Yaku: I’m being truthful. Also wow, that was quick. Who did you have in mind?
Suga: Daichi!
Yaku: WHAT? Sawamura???
Suga: Why so surprised? I know Daichi doesn’t seem the type, but I think it’ll be good for him. He’s been lonely for a while, and has always had a soft spot for troublemakers. I think he could keep up with your ‘black-haired menace.’
Yaku: If you say so… But won’t the distance make it hard?
Suga: I mean it’s not like Daichi can’t travel to Tokyo to pick him up. How about they do a video call first? Test the waters before committing, so to speak.
Yaku: Yea, that definitely makes sense. Ok! I’ll let Kenma and Kuroo know.
Suga: Sounds great! I’ll let Daichi know ♥
________________________________________________________________
“I, your amazing and wonderful best friend,” Sugawara waves his hand expressively at Daichi, “have good news to share with you.”
Daichi looks up at Suga with a deadpan expression, long used to his antics. “You’re paying for lunch?”
Suga scoffs, “With your appetite? I don’t make nearly enough money to afford filling your blackhole of a stomach.”
Daichi turns his attention back to his food, “If it’s not that, then I don’t care.”
Suga glares, “Rude! Especially when I’m simply concerned about your happiness!” He continues, undeterred, “The good news is: I, in my vast wisdom, have volunteered for you to adopt a cat.”
Daichi slowly lifts his head, raising an eyebrow at Suga. “Excuse me?”
Suga immediately blanches, as he backpedals. “Uh… I’m worried that you’re getting super lonely?”
“So you decided, without asking me, I might add, to volunteer for me to adopt a cat, without even meeting said cat?”
Suga brightens. “Would you meet him? I’ve been told that he’s really handsome and smart. Plus, think of it as a favor to Kenma and Kuroo! Here, take a look at the adoption bio Yaku sent--”
Daichi stares. “You can’t be serious.”
Suga waves his phone at Daichi. “I’m always serious when it comes to your happiness.”
Daichi rolls his eyes, reaching for Suga’s phone. He reads the first line and sputters. “To Whom It Will Concern? Why does this sound more like a threat than an adoption bio?”
“Keep reading! It’s super sweet.”
Sighing, Daichi finishes reading, before biting his lip. “Suga… I don’t know…”
“Just meet him on video before saying no! It seems like the poor guy’s had a hard life, being a stray and all. You might be his last chance at happiness.”
Daichi winces, and sensing weakness, Suga leans in for the kill. “Don’t think I forgot that time where you were drunk and crying over cute animal pictures with Asahi, saying that you just wanted ‘the cutest snuggly buddy to sleep with at night.’ I have it on video, just waiting to be sent to the right people.”
Suga blinks solemnly as he waits with the patience of a man who knows he’s already won.
Finally Daichi sighs, “When’s the call?”
________________________________________________________________
Kuroo’s just about to type a scathing yet brilliant retort to some uneducated plebeian online, when the sound of rapid pounding at the door interrupts him. Blowing out a gusty sigh, he shuffles to the door with his mug.
“Yaku, what the fuck is so urgent that you couldn’t call?”
Yaku blithely waves off his irritation. “You’ll never guess what I just heard.”
Kuroo lifts an eyebrow, “You’re moving back to Russia so that you can’t barge in on my home unannounced anymore?”
Yaku snorts, pushing him aside as he enters the doorway. “Yea, yea, get that out of your system, because you’ll be singing my praises after you hear what I say next.” Yaku pauses dramatically, “Sawamura’s interested.”
Kuroo froze, his heartbeat picking up.
There’s no way...
“...Interested in?” Kuroo feigns nonchalance as he takes a sip from his mug.
Yaku shrugs off his jacket, turning to hang it up. “Apparently interested in you, though I have no idea why. He wants to do a video call fir--”
*Hrrrrrrck*
Yaku whips around, greeted with the sight of a red-faced and hacking Kuroo, as he hurriedly swipes at the tea dribbling from his mouth. Kuroo struggles to catch his breath, quickly trying to organize his thoughts after the bomb that Yaku had casually dropped on his head.
Sawamura’s interested in me?
Sure, he’d had a crush on Sawamura all the way back during training camp, like most people with eyes did, because heLLO those thighs. But now…?
Who was he kidding? His crush had never really faded, further bolstered by seeing Sawamura again in Sendai. Apparently, all the embers of his old crush needed was just a little air to roar back to life. The thought that Sawamura might be interested, coupled with the fact that Kuroo’s job was flexible enough to easily allow him to spend more time in Miyagi--… The thought that Daichi wanted to see him…
“Wait. How do you know?” Kuroo asked frantically, gripping at Yaku with his slightly damp hand.
Yaku wrinkles his nose, as he detaches Kuroo’s fingers from his sleeve. “Suga told me. I showed him the bio we all wrote up at your little intervention thing, and he said Sawamura’s interested.”
“For real?”
“I’m just as surprised as you are. Sawamura can do so much better.”
“And this video call?”
“Suga set up a call for you to meet Daichi tomorrow, so--”
“Tomorrow?” Kuroo absolutely does not squeak, as he promptly drops his mug of tea on Yaku’s feet, to the latter’s shouted dismay.
_____________________________________________________________
Kuroo wipes his hands on his pants again as he checks the time on his phone. It mockingly shows him the same time it displayed through the last five times he’d checked it. He pokes it suspiciously. Maybe his phone is broken? The digits change, and he heaves an audible sigh of relief.
“Calm down already, Kuro.”
“Calm? I’m totally calm. Cool as a cucumber--or a cat--Well, cats don’t like cucumbers, so I’m cooler than both of them.” Kuroo immediately shoots back, before wincing at Kenma’s unimpressed look.
“I’m only over here because you apparently wanted moral support before your video call with Daichi-san, but I’m deeply regretting even starting this whole plan in the first place.”
“Okay, maybe I’m the tiniest bit nervous, but come on. This is Sa’amura we’re talking about. He’s just--with that--and his--he’s so--” Kuroo groans, burying his head in his hands.
“Yes, I completely understand everything you just said.” Kenma deadpans.
Kuroo would love to have offered Kenma an appropriately sarcastic response to Kenma, but all thoughts of comebacks abandoned his mind when his phone began chiming. Heart in his throat, he immediately runs for his room. He hurriedly checked his reflection one last time, before taking a deep breath and answered the call.
Pulse beating a frantic tattoo against his neck, he watches the blurry pixels sharpen into Sawamura’s smiling face. “Oh, hey Kuroo! Long time no see, huh?”
“Hey yourself, Sa’amura.” Kuroo shoots a finger gun at Daichi, hiding a wince as he immediately feels like an idiot. It hasn’t even been a full minute into their virtual date, and already he’s showing just how unsuave he actually is.
Daichi just laughs, shooting a finger gun back. “So is this going to be our standard greeting now instead of a handshake? Can’t say I blame you seeing how our handshakes usually went.”
And just like that, Kuroo feels the tension release from his shoulders as he easily returns Daichi’s smile. It’s always been like this with Sawamura--this comfortable and familiar banter. “You haven’t heard Sa’amura? This is all the rage with the youth these days. I have to be up with the times as an advocate for the Japanese Volleyball Association.”
“I don’t think anyone who is ‘up with the times,’ would ever refer to the youth as ‘the youth,’ or claim that they’re up with the times.” Daichi deadpans. “So, how’s everything with you? I feel like it’s been forever since we’ve seen each other in person.”
“Not too bad. Been busy, but now I’ve gotten a little more time to myself, so I can actually invest in my social life a little more now. Spend time with people I like.” Kuroo coughs a little as he looks at Daichi, hoping he wasn’t coming on too strong.
Daichi smiles ruefully, “I know the feeling. I just felt so busy trying to build up my reputation at work, that I didn’t notice how lonely I was actually getting.” He rubs the back of his neck, “I realized that I need to focus more on a life outside of work, and I figure this would be a good first step.” He shoots a shy look at Kuroo. “Plus I could also help someone else feel a little less lonely.”
Warmth runs through Kuroo’s chest as he hears Daichi’s admission, “Yea, I--same actually.”
Daichi nods, before asking, “But hey, I’m kind of curious, where’s Kenma? Is he coming later?”
Kuroo freezes, his stomach filling with lead as he slowly asks. “Why would Kenma be here?”
Daichi frowns bemusedly, “I thought the two of you were taking care of the cat? Are you keeping Kuro at your place?”
Kuroo stares, even more confused, before croaking out, “Kenma’s cat?”
Daichi nods, “Yea, y’know, the cat that Suga volunteered for me to adopt?” He softens his tone, smiling at Kuroo, “I mean, I know it’s a lot of responsibility, which is why I wanted to meet him over video before I fully commit. I figured that I owed it to him.”
What?
Kuroo’s mind spins wildly. But Yaku had said--Sugawara had told him that Sawamura was--what the fuck did Yaku tell Sugawara? He struggles to focus on Sawamura, who was still speaking.
“--adopt him. Sorry for rambling a bit, I guess I’m more nervous than I thought. Where’s Kuro now?”
He looks at Daichi’s expectant face, and Kuroo…
Well, Kuroo panics.
And in that moment of panic, he of course makes an absolutely terrible decision.
He clears his throat, “Yea, uh. Actually he’s sleeping right now, but if you just wait a second, I can check if he’s awake?”
Daichi grins warmly, “No problem. I can wait.”
Kuroo nods jerkily, muting the call as he sets the phone down gently. He backs away one step, staring at the phone, before turning and sprinting for the living room, bellowing. “KENMA!”
Kenma startles so badly, he nearly drops his phone. “Kuroo?? What the--”
“No time. I need to find a cat. Any cat. For Sawamura. He thinks he’s adopting a real cat named Kuro.”
“Wha--”
“I need a real cat!”
Kenma gives him a flat stare, and then holds out his hand. Give me your phone.
Kuroo tears back for his phone, unmuting it to quickly blurt out, “Let me call you right back, technical difficulties, Kenma’s here, thanks!”
Daichi can only get out a quizzical, “Okay?” Before Kuroo ends the call.
Sprinting back to Kenma, he hands his phone over. “I told him I’d call him right back.”
Kenma rolls his eyes, “You will explain everything to me after this call.” He taps rapidly at Kuroo’s phone.
Kuroo fidgets, “So, are you finding a real cat?”
Kenma slants an annoyed look at him, “Congratulations Kuroo, You’re going to become Kuro.”
“What?”
“I’ve been designing a realistic cat filter that works on the whole body, so thanks in advance for being a beta tester. You’re going to act as Kuro. Call Daichi-san back, and then we’ll switch places.”
“Uh. What?”
Kenma firmly places the phone back into Kuroo’s hand. “Call him, and then act like a cat.”
In a daze, Kuroo calls Daichi back, “Hey Sa’amura, sorry about that. Kenma just stopped by when I was checking on Kuro, but hey! Good news! Looks like he’s awake.”
Daichi smiles, “No worries, but you were looking a little stressed earlier. Everything alright?”
“Yup! Just calming Kuro down. He’s a little jumpy sometimes when he first wakes up.”
“Ohh, yea it must be a little tough for him, being a stray.”
“Anyway, let me just wrangle Kuro. You can say hi to Kenma.”
Kuroo hands the phone over to Kenma, as he wonders whether the way he felt was at all similar to how a person felt if they were about to fall out of a plane with a very suspicious parachute strapped to their back.
Crouching on the floor, he throws an unsure glance at Kenma, wondering just how he was supposed to act. Looking up, he catches Kenma’s expectant gaze. With a sigh, he waves a forlorn goodbye to his dignity, gingerly lounging on the floor to Kenma’s approving nod.
“Oh, Daichi-san. There he is.” Kenma flips the camera to show Kuroo.
Kuroo can hear Daichi’s slight gasp, “Wow. He’s definitely a stunner. You’re such a big and handsome fella aren’t you?” He laughs, “Look at that crazy mane of his! I can see why you decided to name him Kuro. He definitely resembles another black-haired menace we know.” Kuroo struggles to not respond as his face erupts into flames.
Kenma shrugs, before smiling slightly mischievously, “Yea, he and Kuroo really do share a lot of similarities.”
Kuroo glares at Kenma, shifting uncomfortably, when Daichi laughs again, “Do you think he can see me? It would be nice if he could maybe get used to my voice and face.”
“Oh yes, he definitely can. Let me just get a little closer.” With a smirk, Kenma flips the camera so that Kuroo can now see Daichi as well.
Kuroo’s feels his face absolutely burning when he sees Daichi’s face on the screen. Daichi is absolutely starry-eyed as he looks at him--no--at ‘Kuro,’ crooning. “Hey Kuro, I’m Daichi. I heard you’ve been lonely for a long time, and you’re looking for a home. What do you think, wanna go home with me?”
Kuroo stares at Daichi’s smiling face, and he nearly blurts out yes--he wants that so much. Luckily, he manages to stop himself just in time. He narrows his eyes when he sees Kenma mouth something at him.
‘Meow at him.’
What. The. Absolute. Fuck.
Kuroo closes his eyes, apparently he still had a last ounce of dignity left to lose. He opens them again to give Kenma an outraged glare, receiving in turn an eyebrow being arched at him. Kuroo stares back up at Daichi’s warm smile, and it’s just so lovely--he opens his mouth and--
“Meow.”
Absolutely refusing to look at Kenma’s face, he focuses on Daichi’s completely smitten expression instead, and he is almost struck breathless at the sheer amount of want bubbling up in his chest.
“Yea, I think I definitely want that too.” Daichi murmurs softly, gaze soft and fond.
Kuroo thinks to himself, quite piously.
Well. Fuck.