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It hurts, sometimes, when Jiyong thinks about it. He doesn't try to, not really, but when it's shoved so glaringly in his face, it's hard not to.
The love of his life, though Jiyong highly doubts the boy realizes it, was on the phone fighting with his girlfriend. Just the thought that his best friend was with someone else hurt. The fact that it cemented Seung Hyun's heterosexuality did not help one bit.
It was not like he really could do anything about it, so he had to grin and bear it.
"I was making a joke! I don't really think you're stupid! I wasn't even trying to insult you!" Seung Hyun was yelling almost into the phone, gesturing with his free hand even though his girlfriend wasn't there to see it. That was one of his defensive tics, Jiyong knew. "Hell, I say it to Jiyong all the time, and he doesn't react the way you do!"
There was a pause. Jiyong waited for it.
"Yes, I realize Jiyong's not a woman, therefore not as sensi- wait. This is Jiyong we're talking about, honey," Seung Hyun rolled his eyes, and looked for Jiyong for help.
Jiyong's heart staggered, not quite skipping beats but damn near close. He wanted to help, he really did, but this wasn't his business and he was a little too selfish to help his crush get together with someone else. He held his hands up and shook his head.
Seung Hyun mocked glared at him, and Jiyong had a sinking feeling he helped without realizing it, "Yeah, I know. Sorry you didn't get the joke. Alright, see you tomorrow."
His secret love smiled slightly, an embarrassed look on his face as he glanced at Jiyong before turning his back on his best friend, whispering an, "I love you too, bye," into the phone before shutting it.
Jiyong could hear his heart crying. He's just surprised no one else could hear it.
Seung Hyun shook his head slightly and looked to his friend, smiling brighter to his friend and exasperatedly said, "Girls."
Jiyong smiled a little more, and to his own credit, said in only a slightly wavery voice, "Yeah. Thank God I don't have to deal with them except when they're trying to take the jewelery I want."
Seung Hyun cackled with laughter and wrapped an arm around Jiyong's shoulder, "Lucky you, huh?"
Yeah, Jiyong thought as they walked through the mall. Lucky me.
*
"You know," Seung Hyun broke the silence, laying his arm against the park bench, so close to Jiyong's shoulder that it almost seemed romantic. "I really am fine."
"That's bull shit," Jiyong replied instantly, and didn't dare glance at Seung Hyun's face to confirm that. He knew from experience (something that girl didn't have) that when Seung Hyun went into denial-mode, he wanted normalcy. That was the one thing that would make it worse, though.
"It's just-" Seung Hyun cut himself off and sighed, rubbing his face with his hand. "With my family pressuring my school choices along with these stupid fights with her, it's just getting dumb."
Jiyong stayed silent. What he wanted to say was something that shouldn't be said, and he didn't have any other words, so that was the best option.
Well, there was one thing.
"You know," he started slowly, looking straight down to his sneakers. What would that girl be wearing on her feet if she was here? Probably heels. "Before you were the boyfriend of this girl, you used to smile more."
He looked over to Seung Hyun's face, "It used to light up this city, you know? People would be sad, and you would get this goofy grin over something completely irrelevant like an old song and people would become happy by just seeing that smile. It was like this contagious warmth that people would get from just being around you before that girl brought you down."
He stood up, wondering suddenly why it was so easy to say this. He brushed his hands on his jeans, and smiled slightly at Seung Hyun, "In my oh so humble opinion, Choi Seung Hyun should not be dating girls that take away his smile."
Seung Hyun just sat there, his arm laid on the bench like he had some imaginary lover, staring at Jiyong. It was funny how it was supposed to be tense feeling, but all Jiyong ever felt around Seung Hyun was ease.
"I'll see you at the game tonight, yeah? I have to do some errands for my mom," Jiyong said, already walking backwards down the path to go back to town.
Seung Hyun nodded slightly, still staring at Jiyong as the boy turned around and walked away.
*
Jiyong distinctly remembered going to sleep that night. He remembered this because it was relaxing to leave the game where he took turns between glaring at the cheerleader currently dating his best friend and watching as said best friend made a fool of himself playing soccer. If it wasn't for being his best friend, he would have taken pictures.
Instead, his videotaped it on his phone for Seung Hyun to watch next day.
Anyways, mischievous best friend antics aside, he was asleep. He was. Well, before someone had decided to knock on his window. Only one person knocked on his window in the middle of the night, and it usually meant late night epiphanies that made for weird nights for Jiyong.
He rubbed his eyes and slowly got up from his bed, shooing Seung Hyun away from the window before opening it. He raised one eyebrow sluggishly, leaning out of the window, "What is it this time, Seung Hyun? Flying pancakes? Hearing aid spies? Filling our headmaster's car with recycled paper?"
Jiyong watched his best friend open his mouth and close it a couple of times. It was the middle of the night, and Jiyong actually liked sleeping. "You're usually more forthcoming than this. Are we miming fish tonight?"
Seung Hyun relaxed a little, but still seemed to be struggling something, before getting a look of determination. Uh oh, Jiyong didn't like the sight of that. It never seemed to bode well for him.
Suddenly, hands were cupping Jiyong's cheeks, and Jiyong had only a moment to close his eyes before Seung Hyun's lips connected with his. It was short, sweet, and exactly what Jiyong wanted for a very long time.
Seung Hyun pulled back a little, but stayed his ground, keeping his hands on Jiyong's cheeks, "I know it seemed sudden, but it just seemed to click today what exactly has been my problem. I was looking for seamless love and didn't even bother to notice that I had it all along."
Well, Jiyong was awake now.
"You're the one person I know that knows everything about me, who can make me laugh no matter what mood I'm in, and who I belong with in every shape, way, or form," Seung Hyun looked sheepish, but happy. Some late-night epiphany. "Well, what do you think?"
Jiyong, without realizing it, burst into the happiest smile Seung Hyun had seen, "Where were you a couple of years ago?"
"Under a heavy rock of denial."
"I bet, asshole. Making me wait for you," Jiyong replied with no conviction, already pulling Seung Hyun back in for more kisses.