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Despite the grey skies and the cold November wind, Enji couldn’t have said no to Rei’s demand. He’d rather face fifty villains than say no to his very pregnant and very moody wife. So they packed lunch, and kids to spend their Sunday on a secluded beach, a couple hours driving away from their home.
The kids chatter excitedly on the backseat, and Enji catches the soft smile on Rei’s face as she caresses her swollen belly. Enji can’t help but reach out, cupping the bump in his palm and heating it up ever so slightly. He’s rewarded by a familiar kick that never fails to make his heart beat faster.
“He’s not going to be able to move any more soon,” Rei comments, amused. She slithers her cool fingers between Enji’s and smiles at him, a sparkle in her grey eyes.
Enji hums and rubs his palm on the strained fabric of Rei’s sweater. “It’s okay. I’ll be able to hold him soon enough.”
“Dad, Dad, Dad!”
Enji glances in the rearview mirror, meeting a pair of blue eyes and a smile missing a few teeth. “What is it?”
“Can you help us build a sandcastle? A big one! Bigger than me!” Touya is literally buzzing in his seat, squished between his sister and his brother’s child car seat.
Enji raises an eyebrow. “Did you bring your shovel?”
Touya’s expression turns crestfallen. “I— I didn’t.”
“You can have mine, Touya-nii,” Fuyumi chirps.
“I don’t want a girl shovel,” Touya pouts.
Enji huffs, amused. “A shovel is a shovel, Touya.”
“But it has glitter and unicorns,” Touya groans.
“It’s pretty!” Fuyumi protests.
“It is not ,” Touya answers with a definitive tone. “Right Natsu?”
“Shiny!” Natsuo babbles, clapping his hands together.
Touya rolls his eyes, and Enji has to bite up his lower lip to not laugh at the sight of his son’s dejected face. He exchanges a look with Rei who’s obviously struggling with holding back her laugh too.
“I packed your shovel, Touya,” she finally says, the giggling barely concealed in her voice.
The change in Touya’s expression is radical, going back to unbridled joy. “Mom! You’re the best Mom!”
“I know.”
“Are we there yet?” Touya asks again, the forsaken question any parent dreads.
“Almost,” Enji eludes, knowing that they still have a good hour left, but it’s enough to placate Touya for at least a short while.
The beach is as deserted as Enji hoped it would be. He doesn’t want to be Endeavor today, he doesn’t want to have to deal with fanservice or villains. Today, he just wants to be Enji.
The wind that welcomes him as he steps out of the car is chilling but nothing he can’t handle. He opens the door to Fuyumi and Touya. Touya bolts toward the waves immediately, Fuyumi hot on his heels, her white hair floating behind her like a flag. Natsuo squirms in his seat, looking at his siblings with wide eyes.
“Mamaaaaaaaa.”
“I’m coming, sweetheart,” Rei soothes as she extracts herself from the passenger seat. She unbuckles Natsuo while Enji unloads the trunk, stumbling backward when Natsuo bulldozes his way between him and the car to run after his brother and sister with all the speed his little legs allow. And it’s a lot, from what Enji can see. Compared to Touya, Natsuo is already tall and strong. Not a trace of clumsiness in his gait, no hesitation or wobble. Natsuo joins Touya and Fuyumi already busy splashing in the waves with their rubber boots, welcomed by playful taunts and laughs.
Enji carries the bags and refuses Rei’s offer to help with a frown, undeterred by the way she rolls her eyes at him.
“I’m not—”
“Crippled, just pregnant,” he finishes with a deadpan stare. “Maybe but I don’t want you to give birth on a beach.”
“You worry too much.”
“And you don’t worry enough.”
“It’s the fourth time I’ve done this,” she counters with a smug smile. “I think I know what I’m doing.”
Enji huffs but still refuses to give her a bag, carrying everything to a spot not far from the water. He lays down a large blanket and unfolds a chair for Rei to sit. “Do you need another pillow?” he asks.
“I’m fine, Enji. Touya! Stop dousing your brother!”
Touya kicks the water toward Natsuo once more for good measure before retreating toward the blanket. “Dad, I’m hungry.”
Enji sits cross-legged on the blanket and opens the cooler. “Do you want a tuna sandwich?”
Touya scrunches his nose. “Ew, Daaaad.”
“What? Tuna is good,” Enji answers, trying to remain serious in front of his son’s pout. “It’s full of good things for your body and mind.”
“Fish is stinky,” Touya grumbles and climbs in Enji’s lap, his body still fitting in the space between Enji’s legs.
Enji automatically warms up, and Touya reclines against his chest with a happy sigh. Since he started on the Quirk suppressors, his body tends to get cold and it was still jarring for Touya to not be warm all the time. Enji looks down on the top of his son’s head, but the patch of white hair didn’t expand, to his utmost relief.
“I want a tuna sandwich!” Fuyumi chimes in, trying to climb in Enji’s lap as well but Touya makes himself bigger to make sure his sister doesn't have space.
It’s without counting on Fuyumi’s stubbornness. She squishes herself next to her brother with a big toothy smile and Touya has no other choice than to let her make herself comfortable. Enji doesn’t intervene. Rei told him it’s better to let the kids settle that kind of issue on their own and she clearly knows better than him.
“You’re crushing my leg,” Touya whines.
“No I’m not. Dad, can I have my sandwich please?”
Enji shifts slightly to accommodate the weight of his kids, going through the food Rei has neatly stacked in the cooler. He hands a tuna sandwich to Fuyumi and another for Rei who has hoisted Natsuo on her knees. Natsuo looks at the neatly wrapped sandwich with a ravenous expression.
“Here.” Enji gives Touya his own sandwich, wrapped in a different color. “It’s ham,” he adds when Touya gives him a suspicious look. Touya still squints his eyes as he takes the sandwich out of its wrap and only starts eating after opening the sandwich to check himself that there’s no sneaky fish hidden.
Enji pours himself a cup of hot tea from the thermos, looking at the waves crashing near them and the seagulls landing not far, attracted by the prospect of leftovers food. Natsuo babbles at Rei, his cheeks stained with mayo and breadcrumbs, and Rei hums in answer, munching on her onigiri that seems to be Natsuo’s next target.
It’s rare for him to be able to enjoy that kind of moment with his family. Long shifts at work, training, meetings, constant sollicitations make it hard to balance personal and professional life and it would be so easy to simply push his family aside to focus on becoming the Number One Hero. It would be so easy to cross that line, to let the snake of ambition swallow him whole.
So easy that it almost happened.
Training Touya to become his successor had seemed the natural thing to do. Seeing him improve and watching his powerful Quirk develop had been his pride and joy, the realization of one of his dreams.
Until Touya started to get hurt. Until training caused more pain, despite Touya’s insistence that he was fine, that he wanted to keep going even if the soft skin of his arms was covered with blisters and white ate the red of his hair.
It would have been so easy to just keep pushing, to ignore the signs.
It would have been so easy to relent before Touya’s stubbornness.
Enji wraps an arm around his son's midriff and tucks him closer to his chest and Touya doesn’t protest, engrossed with his bickering with Fuyumi.
It would have been so easy to lose him.
Enji can’t imagine a life where he can’t hear his son laughing and running his smart mouth every minute of every day. The idea of not having Touya sneaking in his office after bedtime and sitting in his lap while he’s doing paperwork to finally fall asleep with his face squished against his chest is simply unfathomable.
What would Enji do if he wasn’t able to hear Fuyumi reading stories to her brothers? If he wasn’t welcomed by the sound of socked feet running into the hallway every time he came home?
Enji’s heart clenches painfully at the idea of what he could have lost if Rei hadn’t have put her foot down and forced him to make a choice between them and his ambitions. Cool fingers run into his hair, dragging him out of his thoughts and he’s met by a gentle smile and a knowing gaze.
Enji delicately grabs Rei’s wrist and presses a kiss in her palm.
“Ew, gross,” Touya groans.
Rei chuckles. “Is it, now?”
“I think it’s romantic ,” Fuyumi says, looking at her parents with flushed cheeks.
“Gross,” Touya repeats with a grimace.
“Gross gross gross!” Natsuo adds with a giggle.
“Go play, you brats,” Rei huffs and she doesn’t need to say it twice. In the blink of an eye, the three kids dash toward the water again, and Enji can finally eat his own sandwich.
Rei’s hand doesn’t leave his shoulder, massaging it gently, and Enji relaxes, his dark thoughts drifting away like the grey clouds above their heads.
“Do you want to go for a walk?” Enji asks after a while.
“That would be good, yes.”
Enji rises to his feet and helps Rei to get up. She leans against his arm as they start walking along the water line. Soon enough, they hear footsteps rushing behind them.
“Where are you going?” Touya asks, his small hand wrapping around Enji’s fingers.
“Nowhere. We’re just walking,” Enji replies. “Your mom needs to stretch her legs.”
“Is it for the baby?” Fuyumi chimes in.
“It’s good for him, yes,” Rei answers.
Natsuo plants himself in front of Enji with his arms raised, forcing them to stop. “Dadadada. Up up up!”
Enji chuckles but crouches nonetheless. “You’re big enough to walk now.”
“Up up up!” Natsuo insists with a wide grin.
Enji glances at Touya who looks at Natsuo with envy and Enji rolls his eyes. “Come on, climb.”
Touya beams at Enji, and uses Enji’s thigh to hoist himself up. He settles on Enji’s shoulders and shrieks in delight when Enji stands up, Natsuo tucked against his chest. Touya’s fingers grab Enji’s hair without tugging.
They resume their slow walk. Natsuo comments on everything he sees in a language only Rei understands. Fuyumi chats with Rei about the baby, and school, and that boy Kato in her class.
Touya is strangely quiet.
After a while, Natsuo quiets down as well, his eyelids drooping more and more and Enji increases his body temperature. The trick never fails and soon enough, Natsuo is deeply asleep in Enji’s arms.
“I’m going to go back,” Rei says quietly. She glances up at Touya and back to Enji. “You should keep walking a bit longer.”
Enji understands the message and looks at Rei retracing their steps toward the blanket, holding Fuyumi’s hand. Enji resumes his walk, trying to find the words to reach his son.
Touya is still his bright boy, smiling and witty and lively, albeit an absolute pain in the ass when he decides to be. He proved it once more when the doctor ordered Touya to stop using his Quirk and start on Quirk suppressors. Touya had yelled and screamed and cried, refusing to take the medicine for days. No matter how much Rei begged and bargained, no matter how severe Enji was, Touya had refused. Until Enji made a deal with him: he’d keep training him physically, not his Quirk, if he accepted to take his medicine. Touya reluctantly agreed to it but it’s almost as if something broke, the first crack on Touya’s heart.
Rei told him that Touya spends long moments in Enji’s study or in the training room when Enji is not around, alone. Enji caught him as well, in those moments where all life and joy seems to leave him, when he grows quiet and pensive, completely still save for absentmindedly petting Marshmallow until something or someone drags him out his melancholy, usually Natsuo.
Rei is concerned. Enji is too. The problem is that he’s never been good at talking about feelings, it’s Rei’s area of expertise. He’s here to brawl on the floor, to help build pillow forts and sandcastles, and make sure his family has everything they need, a safe place to live in and enough food in the fridge.
He can’t let Touya down though. Enji is not a fool, he perfectly knows the reason why Touya fought so hard against the Quirk suppressors, and why he accepted it in exchange of resuming his training with Enji.
Enji gently pinches his son’s calf. “You okay up there?”
“Dad, do you think I’ll be tall like you one day?”
“I don’t know. Would you like to be?”
Touya’s chin rests on top of Enji’s head. “Maybe.”
Enji squeezes the scrawny leg resting against his chest. “Even if you’re not, it’s okay. You don’t need to be tall to be strong.”
Touya hums and Enji keeps walking.
“Dad?”
“Yes?”
“Can I still be a hero if I can’t use your Quirk?”
Enji’s heart sinks at the quietness of Touya’s voice. He knew it was coming but it doesn’t make it any easier. He’s the one to blame for this situation. If he hadn't pushed his dreams of glory onto his son, Touya wouldn’t have to experience his first disappointment so early in his life. Berating himself won’t help his boy though.
Enji stops walking to face the sea, hand still secured around Touya’s shin.
What can he say? The cold logic part of himself is tempted to say no. It would be too dangerous, too risky. That it’s impossible and Touya should forget about it.
Touya won’t take no as an answer though.
“Why do you want to be a hero, Touya?” Enji asks instead.
“Because you told me I would be.”
Enji purses his lips. “I’m not always right.”
Touya remains silent for a long while and Enji waits. Touya doesn’t open his mouth again and Enji shifts on his feet, trying to find the right words.
“You can be anything you want, Touya,” he finally says, trying to sound as confident as possible. And truly, he believes his boy can be anything. He’s clever and his will is obviously made of steel, which makes Enji both proud and low-key wary. “If you really want to be a hero, because you want to be, not because I told you to be one, then we’ll try to find a way.”
I just want to see you smile .
Natsuo rubs his face against Enji’s chest, smearing drool on his black sweater and Enji traces the round cheek with his thumb, to check that his son is warm enough.
“Dad?”
“Yes?”
“Would we still be buddies if I don’t become a hero?”
Enji blinks and he wishes he could see Touya’s face right now. He squeezes his son’s calf once more. “Of course.”
“Even if I can’t use my Quirk?”
“Yes.
“Even if I’m weak?”
“Yes.”
“Forever?”
“Yes.”
“Dad?”
"Yes?”
“Can you show me again how to skip stones?”
The change of topic takes Enji off guard but he supposes that's how kids are. He holds an arm up so Touya can hang on to it to be lowered to the ground. Touya’s expression is still a bit gloomy as he looks for flat stones. He comes back to Enji and hands him a few black stones with a small smile, far from the usual grin that eats half of his face. Enji carefully moves Natsuo on his other hip and grabs a stone.
Touya looks at him with rapt attention as Enji throws the rock into the lazy waves.
“Again.”
Enji complies and at the third try, a second stone accompanies his, both trajectories parallel. Enji’s stone sinks while Touya’s bounces two more times before disappearing into the water.
He pats Touya’s hair with a smile. “You won.”
Touya chuckles, looking up to Enji. The gloom has disappeared. Touya’s blue eyes are clear, his expression open again and his smile once more large enough to swallow the world. Relief washes over Enji.
He will do anything to keep his boy happy. Who cares about being number one? Who cares about career and ambitions?
Who cares about stats and numbers?
None of that matters when Touya looks at him like this, when Natsuo’s little hand is tightly clenched around his sweater, when Fuyumi and Rei wait for them to come back.
Touya grabs Enji’s index and middle fingers and tugs his father forward. “Come on Dad, we still need to build this sandcastle.”
--vor-san.
--eavor-san!
Endeavor-san!
Enji snaps his eyes open. Familiar golden eyes hover above him, filled with concern.
“Hey old man. You’re with me?”
Enji blinks. The sky above him is blue, not grey. The beach is nowhere to be found. The sound of traffic has replaced the crash of waves and the cries of the seagulls.
“Hawks?”
Hawks smiles, visibly relieved. “You’ve been out forever. You okay?”
Enji’s throat constricts. He closes his eyes in an attempt to alleviate the pressure building behind them.
“Endeavor-san?”
“I’m fine,” he lies, sitting up. “What happened?”
Hawks frowns, lips pursed, before jerking his chin toward the police van. “You’ve been hit by that guy’s Quirk. Apparently it’s something that messes up with your mind. Creating fake memories, alternative versions of your life. Called ‘What if’.” Hawks’ frown deepens. “You sure you okay? You look pale.”
Enji stands up, the ghost feeling of Touya’s fingers around his still lingering, his laugh still ringing in his mind. “I’m good. Are we done here?”
Hawks peers at him, too clever eyes not buying his bullshit for one second, but he’s kind enough not to pry. “Almost but I can wrap up on my own. Maybe you should go home?”
Enji doesn’t want to go home. He doesn’t want to face an empty house and a silent shrine in a dark bedroom.
But he will anyway.