Archive of Our Own ^beta

Chapter Text

The demigods scurried outside.

All the demigods sat with their respective godly parent.

Rachel and Reyna sat together and Octavian sat alone.

The sea gang sat together.

“So Percy, we haven’t really had a proper introduction you know. I mean we have talked in the readings and all but we haven’t had proper one and the first time I met you during the war well…” said Triton finally

“Gods that was awkward.” Breathed Percy

Triton chuckled.

“Okay so hello Triton, my name is Perseus Jackson and I’m your half-brother.”

“I’m Triton, you godly half-brother.”

The two looked each other in the eye and burst out laughing.

“So how have been doing?” asked Triton

“Well it’s been okay, I mean planning with college in Rome with Annabeth and all. Though its still been a little traumatizing for certain reasons but still I’m good.” Said Percy

“Certain reasons?”

“Well one of them would serve as a spoiler but the second one is Jason’s death, he’s a really good friend so yeah, I mean it’s hard for me if my friend dies.”

Triton gave an understanding nod, knowing Percy wouldn’t appreciate pity.

Poseidon and Amphitrite watched this entire scene with amusement and happiness.

“I still find the first time I saw you so awkward.” Laughed Percy

“Same here, I mean you were unconscious and then you came and I’m like finally come to help.” Triton chuckled

“I swear.”

“That’s why you were so awkward when me and mom gave you compliments?” asked Triton

“Yep”

“Yeah, we’ll get better.” Triton smiled.

“Yeah, you aren’t as annoying as I thought you would be.” Smirked Percy

Triton put a mock hurt hand on his chest dramatically.

“I’m offended. You wound me.”

The sea gang burst out laughing.

They spent the rest of the break eating and talking about camp.

The underworld gang also sat together.

Nico sat as far away from Persephone as possible which was basically sitting next to Hazel while facing his father who was staring at him intently.

Nico decided to have some fun and stared right back. Hades was a little surprised and raised an eyebrow but played along.

They had a quiet staring contest for 3 minutes with Persephone and Hazel’s eyes following both of them.

Finally Hazel decided to speak.

“So… um should we talk or something?”

Nico and Hades broke the contest and Persephone turned to look at Hazel.

“Yeah sure.” Said Nico

“You know Nico, I need to ask you something.” Said Persephone

Nico tried his best not to pull a face.

“Go ahead.”

“How come you blew up like that at father?”

Nico grimaced.

“I don’t know, Zeus has screwed up my life since I’ve been a kid due to the… you know. I can’t travel in a plane unless for a very very good reason and that reason has to be related to him or the world. Then when Percy didn’t even mention dad in the whole thing, he randomly jumped to the conclusion of him stealing the bolt and it all just resurfaced.” He said awkwardly

Persephone and his dad blinked and an awkward silence set over them.

“You know I think Jason and Thalia agreed with you, I mean I saw Thalia glare at her dad to stop him from doing anything to you.” Said Hazel

Nico nodded.

They spent the rest of the break eating in silence with a few bits of conversation between Hazel and Nico about their camps.

The Hermes gang sat and discussed some pranks with the night vision goggles.

“Dad so about the pranks…” grinned Connor

Hermes grinned too.

“Maybe we could do something to their outfit related to another god’s domain which they don’t like much. Like we could have Zeus’ shirt saying Under the sea, Poseidon’s saying electric blue and Hades’ saying I love cereal and they can’t snap out of it either.” Said Chris

The Hermes gang grinned maniacally.

Hermes high-fived his children and they decided to do it in the night.

The Apollo gang ate quickly but they still talked about archery, camp, etc.

When they finished Apollo took them away to introduce them to the muses.

Once they came back, Percy called the Greek demigods to another table.

“Guys, I’ve been wondering if we could do something about water pollution, dad says that they can get rid of it easily but I don’t think so and he also says that it affects him too but not much.” Said Percy seriously

“Maybe the Hephaestus cabin could make some sort of garbage sucker, like the sucker is kept near the or inside the water and it’ll attract the garbage and then we can empty it in the dustbins the next day or once it enters the sucker it just vaporizes.” Suggested Luke

“But the vaporization could cause air pollution.” Pointed out Jason

“Then we could empty it out in the dustbins.” Nodded Luke

“That’s a good idea but then we go swimming there too.” Said Percy

“We could use the suckers in the night during the tide and all and swim in the morning and evenings.” Suggested Annabeth

The demigods nodded.

“We could ask dad for help too, the three of us might be able to build something like that.” Said Beckendorf

They nodded.

“Let’s go tell Chiron, Hephaestus and Aunt Hestia.” Said Nico

They got up and a few went to Chiron, Beckendorf and Leo went to their dad and the others went to Hestia.

They told them their plan and Hestia was delighted, Hephaestus agreed within a second ad Chiron agreed to it.

The demigods flashed each other grins and thumbs up from the distance.

The others were left to wonder what happened.

“Everybody we should continue with the reading.” Said Chiron

Everybody got up and were muttering between themselves as to what the surprise could be.

Chapter Text

They all went inside the throne room and took their places.

“BOOM!”

There was a flash of golden light and there stood….. a sweet looking titan!

Apollo and Artemis ran and engulfed the titan into a big hug because….. the titan was their mother Leto.

They took her to their couch with their kids/hunter.

As soon as Zeus cleared his throat-

“BOOM!”

There was another flash of golden light and there stood a beautiful titan with regal features.

The elder six gods’ mouths hung open and their jaws hit the ground before they all had tears in their eyes and they all said-

“MOTHER!”

They ran and hugged their bother in a bone crushing hug as they had not seen her in a very long time.

Their demigods kids’ mouths hung open this time.

The gods took Rhea to a couch where they all sat with their kids and hugged her once again.

Their demigod kids, Apollo’s kids and Zoe felt extremely awkward and they shared a look with Hermes and his kids. Hermes caught the looks and nodded. He quietly expanded the couches and the demigods quietly shrunk on their knees and ran softly and sat on the Hermes couches, giving their parents space and also they were feeling very awkward.

When the gods finally pulled back, they saw that their children were sitting on the expanded Hermes couch wearing sheepish smiles with a grinning Hermes.

They all shook their heads.

“What are you all doing there?” Poseidon asked the sheepish demigods

“Uh…”

“We...”

“Well...”

These were the replies they got and they rolled their eyes.

Finally Hermes said-

“They wanted to give you all a little space and they also felt like they were intruding so they asked me to expand my couch so they could all sit here.” He said calmly

“Oh” they all said like they practiced it and then the room dissolved into snickers.

“Come on you guys, meet your grandmothers.” Smirked Apollo

The demigods were standing and they all tripped over their own pants or shoes.

They walked nervously back to the couches and the Hermes gang gave them a thumbs up.

“Dad if we like are related to your mother does it mean we have to accept Kronos too?” asked Percy a little teasingly

The gods chuckled.

“No there’s no need for that.”

The demigod children of the gods introduced themselves again.

“Perseus Jackson son of Poseidon.”

“Nico di Angelo, son of Hades.”

“Thalia Grace, daughter of Zeus.”

“Jason Grace, son of Jupiter.”

“Hazel Levesque, daughter of Pluto.”

“Katie Gardener, daughter of Demeter.”

Rhea smiled at her grandchildren who immediately felt happiness rush through them.

They flopped down next to each other. So it was basically the demigods on half of the couch and the gods on the other.

The Apollo kids and hunters introduced themselves too.

“Reyna Avila Ramirez Arellano, daughter of Bellona, hunter of Artemis.”

“Zoe Nightshade, former Lieutenant of the Hunters.”

“Thalia grace, Lieutenant of Artemis.”

“Will Solace, son of Apollo.”

“Michael yew, son of Apollo.”

“Lee Fletcher, son of Apollo.”

Leto smiled at all of them and they smiled back.

The Apollo kids gave their signature blinding grins for the effect which made everybody chuckle and Nico blush.

The Apollo kids sat down with their dad and Zoe sat with Artemis. Thalia was sitting with her cousins and Reyna with the Romans.

“I’ll read first.” Said Ares

“It’s an introduction so I’ll read that and the next chapter too.” He said

The book floated to him and he started.

INTRODUCTION

I HOPE I’M GETTING EXTRA CREDIT FOR THIS... Because I don’t need the Olympians mad at me again.”

“Do you even care anymore Seaweed Brain?” chuckled Annabeth

“Nope” said Percy, popping the p.

But if it helps you to know your Greek gods...then I guess writing all this down will be my good deed for the week.

“What’s the deed for this week?” asked Leo

“Not throwing a tantrum about you all reading my private thoughts.” Smirked Percy

If you don’t know me, my name is Percy Jackson... (cough— yeah, right— cough).

The Stolls and Leo also fake coughed.

Everybody chuckled.

Just go easy on me while I’m telling you about the gods, all right?... Believe me, I couldn’t make up stuff this weird.

“Well you’re Kelp head, so it’s quite possible.” Said Thalia

“I am but stuff that weird is something that doesn’t form in my head.” Grinned Percy

So here we go. First I’ll tell you how the world got made... AGGHHHHHHHHH!

All the demigods, Apollo and Hermes yelled along with the book.

The gods chuckled at their antics.

Just kidding. Still here... There will be blood.

Ares sounded way more interested for everybody’s liking.

“I don’t have a raincoat.” Pouted Leo

Percy shook his head.

Chapter Text

In the beginning, I wasn’t there... was Chaos—a gloomy, soupy mist

“Soupy?” chuckled Annabeth

“Seriously Kelp Head?” snickered Thalia

Percy stuck his tongue out.

With all the matter in the cosmos just drifting around... we’re not talking about the clothing store.

Aphrodite’s brightened face fell.

Eventually Chaos got less chaotic.

“Nice.” Laughed Travis

Maybe it got bored with being all gloomy and misty...She called herself Gaea, the Earth Mother.

The demigods scowled.

“Unfortunately is right.” Scowled Leo

“Why do they hate mother?” Rhea asked Hades

Nico heard this and was about to answer but his father went first.

“The second w-. Ow” he said as Nico nudged him in the ribs.

“Spoilers.” He said in a sing-song voice

Hades rolled his eyes and sighed.

Rhea nodded and winked at her grandchild.

Now Gaea was the actual earth—the rocks, the hills, the valleys, the whole enchilada.

“ENCHILADAS!” yelled Grover

“Yeah, dam enchiladas.” Chuckled Percy

The joke trio and Zoe burst into laughter.

But she could also take on humanlike form... a serene smile on her face. The smile hid a nasty disposition.

“Definitely.” Said Jason

You’ll see that soon enough... There’s pretty much no way you can pronounce that name without people snickering.

Everybody who understood the joke burst out laughing.

Ares kept the book down and joined in.

A few people were a little confused but when the others explained it, even they joined in the laughter.

There’s pretty much no way you can pronounce...like Deathbringer or Jose—I don’t know

“Percy don’t name your kids or dog that.” Said Nico, snickering

“It sounds cool!” he protested

“Just no.” said Luke

Percy pouted

But it might explain why Ouranos was so cranky all the time... -distance relationships never work out.

“Well a few of them do.” Informed Silena

In physical form, he looked like a tall, buff guy with longish dark hair...sometimes dark with glimmering stars.

“Um is that supposed to be handsome?” asked Piper uncertainly

Hey, Gaea dreamed him up to look like that.

“Well that answers it.” Said Piper

“She does not have good taste.” Said Leo

“Nope.”

Don’t blame me. Sometimes you’ll see pictures of him holding a zodiac wheel... Happily ever after?

“Definitely not.” Said Annabeth

Not exactly.
Part of the problem was that Chaos got a little creation-happy...and by that I mean gods.

All the demigods shook with laughter.

.

Water collected out of the mist of Chaos, pooled in the deepest parts of the earth, and formed the first seas... This was Tartarus, the Pit of Evil.

Nico, Annabeth and Percy gave slight shudders which was notice by Rhea who frowned.

And as you can guess from the name...which put some pressure on her relationship with Ouranos.

“Yeah sure why not.” Sighed Thalia

 A bunch of other primordial gods popped up... Chaos and Tartarus had a kid together.

“What the heck? No no How the heck?” asked a very confused Will

(don’t ask how; I don’t know)

“You know I’m actually quite relieved.” He said

Called Nyx, who was the embodiment of night. Then Nyx, somehow all by herself, had a daughter named Hemera, who was Day.

“I bet they never got along.” Muttered Nico

Those two never got along because they were as different as…well, you know.

“Well I was right.”

Percy snickered

According to some stories, Chaos also created Eros, the god of procreation…in other words, mommy gods and daddy gods having lots of little baby gods.

There was silence for two seconds before every person in the room broke into loud laughter.

“That’s one way to put it.” Choked out Apollo

“Son… I’m so proud.” Choked out Poseidon

They all laughed even harder.

Other stories claim Eros was the son of Aphrodite...First, they had a batch of twelve—six girls and six boys called the Titans. 

The demigods didn’t know whether to look glad or angry so they ended up with very weird facial expressions which just caused the gods to look at them as if they were sick.

You’d figure twelve kids would be enough for anybody, right? I mean, with a family that big, you’ve basically got your own reality TV show.

“The whole story would make a very bloody reality show.” Said Percy

Plus, once the Titans were born...it would bring them closer….

“Let me guess, bad idea?” said Luke

I know, right? Bad idea.

Luke and Percy grinned at each other.

She gave birth to triplets... Worst of all, each kid had a single eye in the middle of his forehead.

“Don’t you have a cyclops half-brother?” asked Dakota

“Yeah”

“Then you just called them ugly.” He said awkwardly

“I said ugly not bad people.” He pointed out

Poseidon and Triton looked at Percy proudly

Dakota nodded.

 Talk about a face only a mother could love...“They are your children, you deadbeat!”

“Dude deadbeat?” cackled Connor

“You know I wonder if she would say all that.” Said Jason

“I’m pretty sure she did.” Said Katie

“Don’t you dare leave me to raise them on my own!... Ouranos wouldn’t have to look at them.

“Well that’s awful.” Said Piper

“So you’re telling me that there has been a lot of throwing babies?” said Leo

“Uh huh”

Harsh, right?
Gaea screamed and wailed, but Ouranos refused to release the Cyclopes...How could I not be? I am literally above everything else.”

“You know that attitude reminds me of somebody.” Muttered Percy though everybody heard it.

A few people sneaked glances at Zeus but quickly retracted them too.

“I hate you!” Gaea wailed.
“Bah! You will do as I say. I am the first and best of the primordial gods.”

“She was born before him.” Pointed out Chris

“I was born before you!” Gaea protested. “You wouldn’t even be here if I didn’t—”... They felt bad for Mom.

“Yeah we did, he was one terrible father.” Said Rhea

“Well he wasn’t the only bad dad.” Said Poseidon

They didn’t like their dad much either—Gaea was always bad-mouthing him... Maybe I should give it one more try with Ouranos.

“Oh no.” groaned everybody

She arranged a…of recycling.

“You know I never thought I would say this but I kind of feel bad for her. Kind of.” Said Frank, pressing on the kind of.

“Ouranos has issues.” Said Leo

 Clearly, the sky dude had issues.

Leo and Percy exchanged air – high fives.

“You just called a primordial sky dude.” Sniggered Annabeth

“That’s Percy style Wise Girl.” Percy smirked

Everybody shook their heads or face-palmed.

Well, that was pretty much it for Gaea...but I have a feeling that’s when the first cuss words were invented.

“That’s right.” Said Rhea

“They are not family friendly so I’m not going to be telling you.” She added on the demigods’ looks.

The demigods pouted at her.

She explained what had happened... How do you spell scythe?

“The last one was Hyperion.” Said Rhea

“Were they dyslexic too?” asked Percy

“No, they just didn’t know how to spell.”

All the demigods and gods started laughing.

 “One of you needs to step up!” Gaea cried...“So…explain this whole killing thing,” said Oceanus

The sea gang scowled at the mention of Oceanus.

He was the oldest Titan boy... and she immediately got the concept of punishing someone for a crime. 

Hera scowled.

“Like, make him not exist anymore.”...Also, I will make you those cookies you used to like, with the sprinkles.”

“That’s… freaking psycho.” Said Castor

“It’s like come over to the dark side, we have cookies.” Said Nico

Now, in modern times, we have a word for this sort of behavior. We call it psycho.

Percy and Castor exchanged smiles.

Back then, the rules of behavior were a lot looser. 

“Very loose.” Muttered Persephone

Maybe you’ll feel better about your own relatives...but I’ve got this thing I have to do, so—”

“Excuses excuses.” Said Leo in a sing song voice.

 “I’ll do it!” said a voice from the back.

“Gee I wonder who that could be.” Said Poseidon sarcastically

“Dear old Grandpa.” Said Percy with his voice dripping with equal sarcasm.

Everybody chuckled at Percy.

The youngest of the twelve shouldered his way forward. Kronos was smaller than his brothers and sisters...you’re always looking for ways to stand out and get noticed.

This time more people looked at Zeus.

He caught their glances and glared and they quickly looked anywhere but him.

The youngest Titan loved the idea of taking over the world, especially if it meant being the boss of all his siblings. The offer of cookies with sprinkles didn’t hurt, either.

“Percy you really love cookies.” Said Pollux

“One true love, except you of course Wise Girl.” He said dreamily

Annabeth blushed.

 Kronos stood about nine feet tall, which was runty for a Titan...but the kid was crafty. He’d already gotten the nickname “the Crooked One” among his siblings.

Percy and Luke grimaced.

Because he would fight dirty in their wrestling matches...tell if he was about to punch you or tell you a joke.

“Was he even capable of telling jokes?” snorted Chris

“No”

His beard was kind of unnerving, too...he understood how much damage it could cause.

“One to two touches and it can reap the soul from your body.” Said Percy

Poseidon sat up immediately.

“How the heck do you know that?”

“It’ll come up.”

This got everybody worried.

And as for killing his dad—why not? Ouranos barely noticed him...I knew I could count on you, uh…which one are you again?”

Everybody burst out laughing.

“Yeah she doesn’t know her favourite son’s name.” cackled Nico

“Mother Rhea who is you favourite child?” asked Zeus

“Hestia”

Hestia smiled wide.

“Fine in the three of us?” Zeus gestured to him and his brothers

Rhea swallowed.

“All three of you.” She said

The three pouted.

The big three kids were surprised at the facial expressions.

 “Kronos.” He managed… actual slicing and dicing.

“He’s not exactly a sandwich that you say slicing and dicing.” Pointed out Reyna

“No but they wanted to cut him like that but in more pieces.” Said Luke

Everybody looked sick.

Suddenly there was a flash of light.

There were some buckets there with a note.

“These are if you guys get sick because some people most probably will. Also the curse for this book is changed a little, this time the demigods will feel their parents’ pain while they will feel it too and don’t worry the pain is going to manageable.

Signed

The Fates”

All the demigods and gods got up and grabbed a bucket and sat down in their places.

Four of you just need to hold him... They made their excuses and quickly left.

“Thank you Percy.” Said Rhea with a smile

Percy returned a thumbs up with a flashing grin.

The oldest son, Oceanus, chewed his thumb nervously...Koios, Iapetus, Krios, and Hyperion.

Percy, Annabeth and Nico smiled sadly at the mention of Iapetus aka Bob.

Kronos smiled at them. He took the scythe from Gaea’s hands and tested its point, drawing a drop of golden blood from his own finger. 

“That is freakily sharp.” Whistled Lee

“So, four volunteers! Nice!”... “I got your note. Are you serious about making up?”

“No, she wants to chop you.” Said Leo

“Absolutely!” Gaea was dressed in her best green sleeveless dress...He was starting to think he should’ve at least brushed his teeth.

Aphrodite and Silena used their bucket.

Beckendorf looked at his girlfriend worriedly and Hephaestus and Ares did the same with Aphrodite.

Was he suspicious? I don’t know. Remember, nobody in the history of the cosmos had been lured into an ambush and chopped to pieces before. He was going to be the first.

“Lucky.” Said Luke

Everybody snickered.

Lucky guy.

“How are you brains that way?” asked Thalia

“Skills.” Said Percy

Thalia rolled her eyes.

Also, he got lonely hanging out in the sky so much...“And…you’re okay with me wrapping our kids in chains and throwing them into the abyss?”

“Oh she is not.” said Leo

Gaea gritted her teeth and forced a smile. “I am okay with it.”... Hyperion had tucked himself under the couch (it was a large couch).

“That is definitely big.” Said Travis

“No, you are not getting one.” Said Chiron immediately

“Oh come on Chiron.” Whined the Hermes gang

And Iapetus was attempting to look like a tree with his arms out for branches. For some reason, it had worked.

“Wow”

The four brothers grabbed Ouranos...His iron scythe gleamed in the starlight. “Hello, Father.”

Hades cringed.

“Those were the exact words Hades said when we came to stop Kronos.” Said Demeter

“Not exactly.” Said Nico

“He said Hello father you’re looking young.” Said Nico

“Eh.” She shrugged.

“What is the meaning of this?” Ouranos bellowed...“Beware! If you do this, uh…what was your name again?”

Everybody roared with laughter.

“KRONOS!”
“If you do this, Kronos,” said Ouranos...Kronos laughed. “Let them try.”

“We did and we won.” Said Zeus, smugly.

He brought down the scythe...Yep. That’s the place.

Everybody winced.

Kronos chopped, and Ouranos howled in pain..., and it’s called ichor.

Ares was sounding slightly excited.

This time Piper joined Silena and Aphrodite.

Droplets of it splattered over the rocks... the spirits of punishment.

“Now they’re with me.” Said Hades

“Yeah and now one of them has a crush on me.” Grumbled Percy, making everybody laugh.

Other drops of sky blood fell on fertile soil, where they eventually turned into wild but gentler creatures called nymphs and satyrs.

“That’s odd now.” Said Grover, wrinkling his nose.

Most of the blood just splattered everything...Kronos toted the stuff to the sea and tossed it in.

The sea gang scowled again.

The blood mixed with the salty water... Okay, so if the sky was killed, why do I look up and still see the sky?

“They just destroyed his physical form which means he can only be the dome.” Said Athena smuggle, betting that Percy wouldn’t know.

Answer: I dunno...but now he can’t do anything but be the harmless dome over the world.

Athena’s mouth hung open but she quickly closed it however unfortunately for her, it was spotted by Poseidon, Annabeth and Percy who smirked.

Anyway, Kronos…would depose him.

Zeus smirked.

In spite of that, he yelled, “My siblings, a toast! We have begun a Golden Age!”

Percy scoffed.

“Absolute crap.”

And if you like lots of lying, stealing, backstabbing, and cannibalism, then read on, because it definitely was a Golden Age for all that.

“Nice spin Perce.” Snickered Grover

“I’ll read.” Said Hades

“Dad you probably shouldn’t read that chapter.” Said Nico

“Why though?” asked Hades

“Just… um…no” was the reply.

“I’ll read then.” Said Annabeth

She practically had to snatch the book from Ares.

Chapter Text

AT FIRST, KRONOS WASN’T SO BAD. He had to work his way up to being a complete slime bucket...which back then was the tallest mountain in Greece.

“Cool” said Leo

The palace was made from void-black marble...surveying the entire world below him, cackling evilly, “Mine! All mine!

The room exploded in chuckles.

His five Titan brothers and six Titan sisters didn’t argue with him....they didn’t want to get on his bad side.

“Understandable.” Swallowed Leo

In addition to being king of the cosmos, Kronos became the Titan of time... that’s Kronos’s fault, too.

“KRONOS!” yelled all the demigods, deafening the gods

“Always the weekend.” Whined Travis

“Long lecture.” Whined Percy

He was especially interested in the destructive power of time... so he could watch them wither and die. He never got tired of that.

“That’s awful.” Said Piper, disgustedly

“Well, it’s Kronos.” Said Luke

As for his brothers…have requested a more exciting job.

“Yeah, he should have.” Said Lee

Koios, the Titan of the north, lived at the opposite end of the world (obviously)...This was way before Santa Claus moved in.

“Oh man, so you guys haven’t celebrated Christmas?” asked Nico

Hades shook his head.

The demigods made mental notes to spend Christmas with their parents and that was pretty near because it was already December 20^th.

Koios was also the first Titan to have the gift of prophecy. In fact, Koios literally means question. He could ask questions of the sky, and sometimes the sky would whisper answers. Creepy?

“Yep” said Will

Yes.

Percy and Will grinned.

I don’t know if he was communing with the spirit of Ouranos

“That’s creepier.” Shivered Piper

But his glimpses of the future were so useful that other Titans started... What should I wear to Rhea’s dance?

“Definitely burning questions.” Chuckled Apollo

That kind of thing. Eventually Koios would pass down the gift of prophecy to his children. Hyperion, Titan of the east, was the flashiest of the four.

“I do not like that guy.” Said Percy

“He looks good as a tree.” Grinned Nico

Grover chuckled.

“What?” asked Poseidon

“It’ll come up.” Said Percy

“Oh come one.” He said throwing his hands up, narrowly missing Zeus’ face.

Since the light of day came from the east every morning... was basically like Kronos with half the calories and none of the taste.

There were a few chuckles in the room.

Anyway, he wore blazing golden armor and was known to burst into flames...and I’m pretty sure he didn’t get that name by doing ear-piercings at the mall.

“He didn’t, he’s one heck of a fighter.” Said Rhea

A small voice in Percy, Annabeth and Nico’s mind said ‘Was’.

As for the last brother, Oceanus... and that just doesn’t have the same ring to it.

“I’m fine by it.” Shrugged Leo

Now, before I turn to the six lady Titans...hen they looked at the lady Titans and thought, Hmm…

The demigods tried their best to not turn green or pale and luckily they succeeded.

I know. You’re screaming, GROSS! The brothers wanted to marry their own sisters?!

“Yep” said Thalia

“Thalia seriously, your dad is married to his sister.” Pointed out Annabeth

Thalia paled.

Yeah. I find that pretty disgusting myself, but here’s the thing: Titans didn’t see family relationships the same way we do.

“You know Percy, you have a relative who is from a grosser combination.” Said Rachel

Percy shuddered, remembering his father had a child with Gaia.

“Don’t remind me.” He groaned

First off, like…all just freaks. I’ll let you decide.

“Both.” Chorused the demigods

“What about them then?” smirked Poseidon

The demigods knew they were led into a trap.

“Um..”

“Well…”

“We…”

“Please continue reading Annabeth.” They begged.

Anyway, not all the…you can imagine, they got along great

“Obviously.” Sighed Nico

Though how they got any sleep with Hyperion glowing all night and Theia giggling, “Shiny! Shiny!” I don’t know.

Everybody looked at Percy.

“Percy…”

“I-“

“My friend I love the way you head works.” Cheered Travis

Percy bowed.

Her sister Themis? Totally different. She was quiet and thoughtful and never tried to draw attention to herself, always wearing a simple white shawl over her hair.

“You and her have that common Aunt Hestia.” Smiled Percy

Hestia gave him a warm smile in return.

She realized from an early age that she had a natural sense of right and wrong... because Gaea wasn’t really hung up on right and wrong.

“Nope” said Leo, popping the p

Anyway, Themis had a good reputation among her brothers and sisters. She could mediate even the worst arguments.

Hades whistled.

“We need her for Poseidon and Zeus.” Said Demeter

She could mediate even the worst arguments. She became the Titan of natural law and fairness. She didn’t marry any of her six brothers, which just proves how wise she was.

All the demigods started laughing.

“Super wise.” Said Piper

Third sister: Tethys, and I promise this is the last “T” name for the girls...Titan needs twenty-four large glasses of water a day to stay hydrated.

“Twenty four glasses of water.” Chuckled Triton

At any rate, Tethys thought of herself as the nursemaid for the whole world...We should totally go out!”

“Oh yeah totally!” snickered Lee

Phoebe, the fourth sister, lived right in the geographic center of the world,

“Grandma!” exclaimed Apollo

Which for the Greeks meant the Oracle of Delphi...though they never specified whether it was an innie or an outie.

“Son I’m going to stop trying to understand your head.” Said Poseidon, though he was grinning

Phoebe was one of the first people to figure out how to hear the voices of Delphi...Her prophecies tended to be like fortune cookies—only good stuff.

“I wish that we had such positive prophecies.” Said Jason wistfully

“Ares’ prophecies are awesome.” Said Percy, grinning

Ares gave him a thumbs up which shocked the hell out of Percy.

Which was fine, I guess, if you only wanted to hear good news...“Oh, um, I foresee that you won’t have to worry about your math test next week!”

Everybody burst out laughing.

“A very positive person.” Said Percy, genuinely.

Phoebe ended up marrying Koios, the northern dude... Apollo was sometimes called Phoebus Apollo.

Apollo glowed for the dramatic effect.

Titan sister five was Mnemosyne—and, man, with my dyslexia I had to spell check that name about twenty times, and it’s probably still wrong. Pretty sure it’s pronounced NEMO-sign.

“You’re 500% a son of the sea.” Snorted Hades

“You just made that name related with a fish movie.” Laughed Lee

The sea gang smirked.

Anyway, Mnemosyne…thank Mnemosyne.

“WHY!!” groaned all the demigods dramatically

That kind of assignment was totally her idea. None of her fellow Titans wanted to marry her. Go figure.

“You know I feel bad for her but Percy just made it hilarious.” Said Jason, snickering

Finally, there was sister number six: Rhea. Poor Rhea. She was the sweetest and most beautiful of the lady Titans.

Rhea and her children turned to look at Percy.

“Thank you Percy.” Said Rhea with a warm smile.

Percy returned it.

Which of course meant she had the worst luck and the hardest life.

The elder six gods sighed.

“You’re comparing her with Aunt Sally?” asked Thalia

“Yeah.”

Thalia nodded.

Her name either means flow or ease. Both definitions fit. She always went with the flow, and she totally put people at ease.

The elder six gods nodded.

“On point nephew.” Said Hades

“Thanks Uncle.”

She would wander the valleys of the earth... even in the worst neighborhoods.

“Cool bodyguards.” Said Travis

Rhea smiled at him.

Rhea became the Titan of motherhood…a good king forever and ever.

“Yeah right.” Snorted Poseidon

(Yeah, right.)

Percy and Poseidon looked at each other and grinned.

“Like father, like son.” Chuckled Hades and Nico

Then those two looked at each other.

“Same applies to you brother.” Laughed Poseidon

So she lay down…if Hollywood existed.

“She and Aphrodite could be besties.” Said Artemis

Like a lot of folks who are obsessed with fame, she headed west. She ended up falling for the Titan of the west, Iapetus.

“Isn’t that her uncle?” asked Jason uncertainly

I know, he was technically her uncle. Disgusting.

A few demigods choked on air and Leo found the bucket given to him very useful.

But like I said before, the Titans were different. My advice is not to think about it too much. Anyway, Iapetus and Klymene had a son named Atlas

Artemis, Percy, Thalia, Annabeth, Zoe, Grover and Apollo scowled.

Who turned out to be an excellent fighter, and also kind of a jerk... life form you may have heard of—humans.

“Yep, totally minor.” Said Will

One day he was just… repulsive rodents.

“Nice to know, we get such flattering descriptions.” Said Rachel

Some Titans didn’t pay them any attention at all. As for the humans, they mostly just cowered in their caves and scurried around trying not to get stepped on.

“Hard core.” Said Castor

The Titans kept having more baby Titans...had a girl named Leto.

“Mom!” exclaimed Apollo and Artemis.

Let smiled.

Who decided she wanted to be the Titan protector of the young. She was the world’s first babysitter. All the dad and mom Titans were really happy to see her.

“Oh they were.” Said Leto

Hyperion and Theia, Mr. & Mrs. Shiny, had twins named Helios and Selene...and he had an annoying habit of calling the sun his “chick magnet.”

“Maybe I can call the sun chick magnet too.” Grinned Apollo

“NO!” yelled everybody

“It’s final then.” He grinned

Everybody face-palmed.

Selene wasn’t quite so flashy…someone made him mad.

“Well that explains it all.” Laughed Luke

But was that his fault?

“Yes” chorused the demigods

 One morning he really snapped... They smelled like Porta Potties.

Everybody turned green.

They had, like, zero personal hygiene, and they were constantly making noise... Then they jumped the poor guys, wrapped them in chains again, and tossed them back into Tartarus.

“That’s sad.” Said Hestia

 If Gaea woke up, she wouldn’t be happy... Secretly, he had a crush on Rhea.

Everybody groaned.

She was gorgeous. Every time the Titan family got together... and warn them never to do it again.

“Whoa.” Said Leo

“That’s serious man.” Said Piper

He loved how Rhea laughed... Kronos dreamed about kissing those lips.

Everybody turned to look at Percy, who was blinking at them

“What?” he asked

“Your boyfriend’s going to keep you happy dear.” Said Aphrodite to Annabeth

Those two blushed.

The elder gods were staring at Percy.

 Also, Rhea was sweet and kind and everyone loved her... don’t marry a lady who is the Titan of motherhood.

Everybody shook their heads.

Kronos tried to restrain himself, but finally he couldn’t stand it any longer. He invited Rhea to a romantic dinner and poured out his feelings. He proposed to her on the spot.

“That was fast.” Whistled Beckendorf

Now, I don’t know if Rhea loved the guy or not...The king of the freaking universe.

Everybody looked at Rhea.

She didn’t answer.

It didn’t help that the whole time they ate dinner.. . He was happy! He would never be a bad father like Ouranos.

Every single person including Octavian snorted.

It didn’t matter…She radiated power.

Hestia gave a warm smile to Percy.

With Kronos’s understanding of time...  Kronos felt like an old cell phone staring at the latest model smartphone.

“That’s an odd comparison but sure, accurate I guess.” Said Jason

His proud papa smile faded.. . He stuffed Hestia in his mouth and swallowed her whole.

Everybody growled but the loudest and most threatening were the demigods.

They were practically snarling.

Just like: GULP. She was gone.

As you can imagine, Rhea completely freaked.

“I was in pure shock.” Said Rhea

“My baby!” she screamed. “You—you just—”... or ordered her lions to attack.

“Go Rhea!” Cheered all the demigods

But she was afraid of hurting the baby that was now stuck inside him.

“Oh”

“Cough her up!” Rhea demanded…a slider hamburger

“Percy, you and Thalia are the only ones in the universe who can swallow a slider hamburger.” Said Luke, seriously

Those two stuck their tongue out at Luke who laughed.

Your typical mother…crippled, or mutilated.

The Hephaestus gang glared at Hera.

An injury might not kill them... Kronos was one crazy piece of work.

“Bruh, he is a psycho piece of work.” Said Will

Rhea had known that fact ever since he chopped up their dad... Kronos was lord of the whole world. Unless she wanted to jump into Tartarus.

The ones who had fallen into Tartarus shuddered.

Jason slung an arm around Percy and Nico and Thalia got up to sling hers around Annabeth.

(Which she didn’t), there was no place to go...l ike three or four days—he insisted that they try to have more kids.

“WHAT?” asked Piper

Why? Maybe he had a secret death wish…swallowed her down.

Katie and Travis were glaring at nothing in particular and a few plants sprung on the couch which she immediately removed.

Cue the screaming fit from Mom... I was not there in Kronos’s stomach,

“Thankfully.” Said Triton

Thankfully

Triton and Percy exchanged fist bumps.

But I’m guessing the little immortal babies just made themselves small... And every day praying that Kronos wouldn’t have hot sauce with his dinner.

“Oh yeah, that would be bad.” Winced Connor

Poor Rhea. Kronos insisted they try again... natural law against eating your kids, but Themis was too afraid to mention that to Kronos.)

“Go figure.” Muttered Silena

And so Rhea mustered her courage. “My lord, may I present your daughter Hera.”

GULP.

There wasn’t really much of a reaction from the demigods.

Only when Zeus glared at them they started.

“Oh no”

“Horrible”

“Awful”

The gods shook their heads fondly.

This time, Rhea left the throne room without throwing a fit... with lots of powerful henchmen, so she couldn’t fight back or run away.

“Yep, things are worse.” Said the demigods.

Yeah. Things were worse... The fifth child was another boy, Poseidon. Same story. SNARF.

Though Persephone, Amphitrite and Triton were glaring at nothing, nobody was looking more dangerous than a set of three demigods.

Percy, Nico and Hazel were glaring daggers and were looking practically murderous for their uncles and fathers.

The demigods knew that this was a gang they did not want to mess with.

The temperature must have dropped 10 degrees.

“I want to seriously wring his neck.” Said Hazel, which was the most dangerous threat she had ever given and it sound really serious.

“I want to end him with every fiber of his being.” Snarled Percy

“Oh, you’re not the only one.” Said Nico, letting out a dry, humorless laugh.

Nico had a black fire lit in his eyes, Percy’s eyes had swirling hurricanes in their eyes and Hazel had a murderous glare.

Everybody was too stunned to say anything.

“Did they just give those threats?” whispered Castor

“Yeah I guess.” Pollux whispered back.

The parents were trying to calm their kids and then gave them hugs.

At this point, Rhea fled the palace... couldn’t stand to hear the wailing of her lovely daughter.

“Huh, well she’s not completely heartless.” Said Piper

“Would you look at that.” Said Frank

When you are ready to deliver your next child...This child will be different! He will save the others!

Zeus, Jason and Thalia smirked.

Rhea sniffled and tried to pull herself together. “Where is Crete?”... Then you turn left and—You know what? You’ll find it.

Everybody snickered

When the time came…in Crete, it would please you best of all! And of course, my lord, I am all about pleasing you!”

“Nice one.” Grinned Travis and Connor

Kronos frowned. He was suspicious, but he also thought:... That’s enough for doubles tennis, including a ref.

“Percy what goes on in your head?” Jason asked

“Stuff”

They’d been down there so long, they were probably hoping Kronos would swallow a deck of cards or a Monopoly game.

Everybody burst out laughing.

Anyway, Kronos looked…the occasional pizza.

“That’s true.” Said Leo

Rhea gave birth to a healthy baby boy god...away from hostile stomachs.

“That’s true.” Said Rhea

Percy grinned.

Zeus began to cry...Titan mother knew a baby had been born.

“Ah big lung capacity explains the drama.” Snickered Poseidon

Zeus pouted at him.

“Oh, great,”… baby formula.

“That’s so cool.” Said Leo

Zeus smirked.

“Nice goat,” Rhea admitted. “But what if the baby cries? Kronos has incredible hearing up there on Mount Othrys. You may have noticed this kid has a set of lungs on him.

“See even grandma agrees.” Muttered Nico

Percy and Hades heard him and chuckled.

Kronos will suspect something…the Kouretes stopped.

“Well noisy people like noisy people.” Sniggered Hades

“Okay, well,” Rhea said, her ears popping... A fine little boy named, uh, Rocky!

“Well that’s a no-brainer.” Said Thalia

Rhea shrugged.

“And I suppose… “Incoming!” yelled Poseidon.

Everybody burst out laughing.

They shifted—as much as they could in the cramped space... He was observant that way.

The laughter increased.

Meanwhile, in the throne room…be rescued from Kronos’s gut.

“Those are some…odd bedtime stories.” Said Jason

Everybody chuckled.

So you know that when Zeus comes of age...Because in the next chapter, Zeus goes nuclear.

“Oh yeah.” Zeus smirked

“I’ll read” said Percy

Annabeth handed her boyfriend the book.

Chapter Text

ZEUS HAD A GOOD CHILDHOOD ON MOUNT IDA...because school hadn’t been invented yet.

“Aw man.” Whined the demigods

Zeus smiled at the memory of his old friends.

By the time he was a young adult god, he had grown into a good-looking dude—all tan and ripped from his time in the forest and at the beach.

“Oh you used to spend time at the beach?” teased Poseidon

Zeus pointedly ignored him.

He had short black hair, a neatly trimmed beard, and eyes as blue as the sky, though they could cloud over very fast when he got angry.

“See even your son admits I’m good looking.” Smirked Zeus

“Well, I’m not going to deny that but my dad’s better.” Smirked Percy

Poseidon and Percy exchanged fist bumps.

One day his mom, Rhea, came to visit on her chariot pulled by lions... She had been planning her revenge on Kronos for a long time

The demigods looked at Rhea, trying to imagine her that way.

Rhea looked at them and they quickly stopped looking.

Now, looking at her son…transforming into a wolf.

“That’s cheating.” Said Grover, indignantly

“Nope, wolf also have feet.” Said Zeus

Grover huffed.

The satyrs claimed he’d cheated...It’s not like he’d turned into an eagle (which he could also do).

Grover scowled.

The only Titan that Zeus had ever seen up close was his mother... He felt as if he’d slept badly after a hard day strangling his enemies.

“That’s intense.” Said Jason

“Well done!” Rhea said. “Now, let’s go to your job interview.”... “Lord of Darkness” look. His palace would be brilliant, blinding white.

Everybody nodded.

Rhea escorted her son into the royal hall, where Old King Cannibal

Everybody cracked up.

“That was so accurate.” Choked out Poseidon

Was snoozing on his throne... didn’t make him laugh like it used to, despite their cute little shrieks.

“Oh so cute.” Snorted Piper

“The cutest.” Said Rachel

He’d put on weight from eating and drinking so much...but they gave Kronos terrible acid reflux.

“Yeah, give him acid reflux.” Said Nico

Hades grinned.

Rhea approached the throne... “I wasn’t asleep!”

Everybody snickered.

He blinked at the handsome young Titan who stood before him. “Who…?”... the sparkle in his eyes, the crooked way he smiled.

“He gets it from father.” Said Demeter

Zeus scowled.

Of course all the Titans were related…Then he demonstrated some Kouretes dance moves.

Everybody stared at Zeus.

Percy dropped the book on his lap for dramatic effects.

“Zeus can tell jokes?” asked Leo, thunderstruck

“He can dance?” asked Thalia and Jason, equally incredulously.

The others were speechless.

“Am I asleep?” asked Travis

Connor pinched his brother.

“Yes I can.” Zeus scowled.

Percy shook his head violently and continued.

It was the most interesting…I can’t tell them in a family-friendly book.

“Hold on a second, what the heck is going on here?” asked Percy, finally

“I just can’t imagine Zeus doing any of that.” Said Annabeth

“I can do all of that.” Said Zeus, indignantly

He always knew exactly what Kronos would like to drink...The fastest drinker won.

“You know we should do those. The demigods can chug juice.” Suggested Apollo

The demigods grinned and agreed at once.

The gods were a little hesitant but agreed.

What did he win? Well, nothing—but it was a great way to show off, because nothing looks more manly (or Titanly) than having nectar dribbling down your chin and all over your shirt.

Everybody snickered.

These contests rekindled some of Kronos’s competitive spirit. Sure, he was king of the universe, but he was still the youngest of twelve kids. He couldn’t allow his brothers or nephews to be better than him at anything.

“Wow, back to being relatable.” Said Percy

Nico nodded.

Despite his constantly full stomach... your stomach would want to exit your body.

“That’s terrible.” Agreed Nico

For the king’s guests...story will say Zeus used wine.

“That can’t be right, dad invented wine.” Said Pollux

Dionysus grinned.

But that can’t be right, because wine hadn’t been invented yet...He entertained the guests with his jokes and his singing.

Percy’s voice cracked but he continued reading.

Toward the end…the Heimlich maneuver.

“That’s fairly accurate.” Said Zeus, nodding.

Rhea looked proud.

There’s no pleasant way to say it. Kronos puked... It was a kingly puke.

A few people snickered while the others got sick on the spot.

“Thank the buckets.” Said Nico

All the demigods burst out laughing.

His stomach tried to propel itself out his throat... The Titan guests stared in amazement, their minds working slowly due to the spiked nectar.

“Their minds worked slow either way.” Said Zeus

As for Kronos, he was still trying to catapult his guts across the throne room... He wanted to slice up the old cannibal on the spot.

“I love how you call him old.” Snickered Luke

But the other Titans were starting to recover from their shock. They might be slow and sleepy, but they had weapons. Meanwhile, Zeus’s only weapon was a serving tray.

Leo opened his mouth to make a joke, but knowing it was Zeus, he closed it.

His army consisted…call the Zeus Cave.

“Good call.” Said Nico

Zeus had briefed…he had rescued them.

“Some things never change.” Chuckled Thalia

“I’m all for fighting Dad,” Poseidon said... “Perhaps we can make peace,” Hestia suggested.

“Look Aunt Hestia I love you but maybe peace isn’t the right choice this time.” Said Percy

“That was put rather nicely Perce.” Said Nico

“I’m always nice to Aunt Hestia.” Percy pouted.

The others stared…beautiful fields we flew over?”

Everybody face-palmed.

“You know I have no doubt that she would have actually said that.” Snickered Nico

Demeter scowled.

Rhea was trying to control her chuckles.

Hera scowled at her sister… “They built Kronos’s palace.”

“Which sounds pretty cool.” Said Thalia, begrudgingly

“Which is pretty awesome,” Zeus admitted.

Thalia gave a dramatic groan.

Everybody started laughing.

“They are strong, and they hate Kronos,” Rhea continued... The idea of descending into the most dangerous, vilest part of creation somehow appealed to him.

Nico shuddered at thought of his dad going to Tartarus now.

“So we go to Tartarus, and we bring back the Cyclopes and Hundred-Handed Ones.”...T he crumbs and icing were always getting in her hair.

Piper snickered and Thalia and Annabeth burst into full-blown laughter.

Everybody started laughing then.

Hera scowled deeply.

“Let’s go.”

A Tartarus jailbreak may not sound like an easy thing for you or me...He seemed to have a knack for navigating the tunnels.

“Yeah go dad!” cheered Nico and Hazel

Hades smiled.

He led his siblings along the course of a subterranean river called the Styx until it spilled over a cliff into the void of Tartarus. The gods became bats (you could argue that they were already bats,

All the demigods roared with laughter.

Poseidon raised an eyebrow at his son who smiled sheepishly.

It took good 5 minutes for them to stop and then the respective parents raised an eyebrow at their children who just smiled sheepishly.

But you know what I mean)…  Her name was Kampê.

The demigods who were present during the battle of labyrinth shuddered.

I don’t know if Kronos found her on Craigslist or what... it’s because the hairdo really caught on with other monsters later.)

“Medusa” said Nico

From the waist down, she was a four-legged dragon.... Basically, Kampê didn’t get invited on many dates.

“I bet she didn’t” said Leo

The gods watched from behind a pile of boulders as the monstrous jailer tromped back and forth... scorpion tail whenever they got out of line.

Everybody flinched.

The poor prisoners were forced to work without any break...burning lash marks across their backs.

“That’s very harsh.” Said Annabeth

Everybody nodded.

Even worse…writhing in pain.

“That’s just horrible.” Growled Luke

Even Ares looked mad.

The dragon lady was straight-up terrifying, and the prisoners... Give these dudes a bucket of Legos, and they’d be happy for days.

Silena awed.

Zeus waited until Kampê marched to the far end of the prison yard... “I am not Psst,” the Cyclops said. “I am Brontes.”

Everybody chuckled.

“Hey, Brontes.”… Kampê will never know.”

“That’s pretty intelligent.” Said Lee

Zeus smirked.

“You are smart.”...  across the yard to the Hundred-Handed Ones—Briares,

Annabeth, Percy and Grover smiled at the mention of the friend while the rest of the sea gang smiled at the help Briares had given against Oceanus.

Kottos, and Gyes... At least they didn’t end up named Huey, Dewey, and Louie.

“You are definitely not naming your kids.” Said Thalia

Percy grinned sheepishly.

The gods waited…his whole body tingled with power.

Zeus grinned.

Poseidon frowned. “What is that? It’s not a scythe.”... Maybe things exploded a lot in Tartarus.

“They do.” Muttered Annabeth

A few minutes later, Brontes tossed them a second weapon—a spear with three prongs... the floor of the pit began to shake and crack.

The sea gang grinned.

Brontes tossed them a third item. Hades caught this one—a gleaming bronze war helmet decorated with scenes of death and destruction.

This time the Underworld gang grinned.

“You get weapons,” Hades grumbled. “I get a hat.”... “Yeah.” Hades sighed miserably. “I’m used to it.”

Everybody snickered but they felt bad for him.

“Don’t worry uncle, you won’t be invisible anymore.” Said Percy

“Nope.” Came from Nico

“Definitely not.”  Piped in Hazel

Hades smiled at them.

The rest of the sea gang and the others were still a little surprised as to how well Percy was getting along with Hades.

“Huh.” Hades willed himself to turn visible again... “Stop that!” Zeus hissed. “You’re freaking me out!”

Everybody Oohed.

The underworld gang smirked.

Hades grinned. “Okay, maybe the hat isn’t so bad.”... Zeus winked at her. “Don’t worry, baby. I’ll protect you.”

Hera and Zeus blushed.

Jason and Thalia made gagging actions which was luckily not noticed by Hera or Zeus, making everybody snicker.

“I think I’m going to be sick,” Hera said.

“So are we.” Muttered Thalia which was heard by a couple of people.

It’s possible the Cyclopes… pieces of reptile confetti.

“That’s disgusting.” Said Thalia

Everybody nodded.

“THAT’S what I’m talking… the gods would give up.

“That won’t work.” Said Triton

If so, it didn’t work.

Triton and Percy grinned at each other.

Rhea the Great Mother visited every Titan she could... agreed not to take sides as long as they got to keep their jobs.

“Priorities, priorities.” Said Jason

That left Kronos and most… yourself and your allies.

“Throwing rocks is hard.” Said Beckendorf

Once the gods learned to fight… you want us to commit suicide.

Everybody sniggered.

Poseidon leaned on his trident. “For once, I agree with Hades... she’d chosen a fearsome garden trowel.

Katie and Persephone looked at their mother.

“We scale Olympus,” Zeus said... “And I’ll turn invisible,” Hades muttered.

A few people chuckled.

Nico patted his dad on the shoulder, a little teasingly.

Hades rolled his eyes.

Zeus clapped his brother on the shoulder... “Sure!” Zeus smiled nervously. “Did you think I’d forgotten you?”

“Yes.” Chorused all the demigods

“Yes,” said Demeter... Hera tapped the dirt map. “It’s a crazy plan. I like it.”

Hera and Zeus blushed again.

Jason and Thalia were a little green.

Hades and Poseidon noticed their expressions and snickered.

So that night, under cover of darkness... toward Mount Othrys that when Kronos looked out his window, it seemed to be raining major appliances.

Everybody laughed.

The beautiful palace domes imploded in mushroom clouds of dust...and they knew exactly how to destroy it.

The throne room burst into cheers.

As the palace shook, Kronos grabbed his scythe...a three-ton section of the ceiling collapsed on his head.

“Nice.” Grinned Travis

The battle was a massacre.. . Hades popped up in random places and yelled, “Boo!”

Everybody burst out laughing and Hades turned red.

His helmet of terror (or his Boo Cap, as the others called it)

The laughter increased.

Nico and Hazel were trying not to laugh but they weren’t doing very well.

Sent Titans fleeing straight off the sides of cliffs, or into the waiting arms of the Elder Cyclopes.

The laughter turned into cheers.

When the dust settled and the storm clouds lifted...Zeus and the Hundred-Handed Ones had basically cut the mountain in half.

“Wow” breathed the demigods.

The elder six gods smirked.

The Cyclopes dug… sky up all by yourself!”

Zoe, Artemis, Annabeth and Percy grimaced.

Leto frowned when she saw her daughter grimace.

“What?”

 “Brontes, Arges, Steropes,” Zeus called. “He’s all yours.”...  Also, it’s hard to appreciate unless you’ve done it (which I have).

Everybody looked at Percy, who continued reading quickly.

But holding the sky is kind of like being stuck under...Imagine being stuck in that situation for eternity.

The people who held it nodded.

Artemis didn’t because her mother was sitting there.

That was Atlas’s punishment. All the other Titans who fought in the war got off easy... Zeus took his father’s scythe and sliced him up the way Kronos had sliced up Ouranos.

“He deserves it.” Said Nico

“Yeah, it’s kind of my favourite too.” Said Percy

Kronos was thrown into Tartarus in teeny-tiny pieces...though it’s difficult to imagine Zeus in a diaper and a party hat.

Everybody roared with laughter at the planted image.

Zeus glared at his nephew.

Some versions claim that Zeus released Kronos from Tartarus many years later—either to live out his retirement in Italy, or to rule the Isles of the Blest in Elysium.

“Ok no, first Italy is beautiful and that’s not possible if Kronos is there and second the ones who receive Isles of the Blest and Elysium get a positive life not a Kronos one.” Said Nico

“There is no way that I am going to let him do that.” Growled Hades

Personally, I don’t buy that. It doesn’t make sense if you believe that Kronos was chopped to bits. And if you know Zeus, you know he’s not exactly the forgive-and-forget type.

“Nope.” Said the demigods.

Anyway, Kronos was done… I know. Totally unfair.

The hunters’ respect for Percy went even higher.

But that’s how it went down… ones with the whips.

Everybody grinned.

The Elder Cyclopes… wouldn’t go with the decor.”

Zeus shuffled uncomfortable at the glares he was getting from his nephews but he shuffled the most under the glare of his mother.

“Really son?” asked Rhea

Zeus chose not to answer.

“Dad, you care more about the décor?” asked Thalia disgustedly

Again, Zeus didn’t answer.

“Oh, sure,” grumbled Hades. “I see how it is.”... had been thrown into Tartarus, Zeusie was going to have some explaining to do.

“Zeusie?” choked out Poseidon from between his laughter.

Percy grinned.

“That’s a brilliant name, we’re going to call him that now.” Hades smirked

“No you are not.” Glared Zeus but Hades ignored it.

But that’s a tale for another day... after a big glass of mustard nectar.

“Well it’s a relief that the fates sent these buckets.” Said Leo

“Yep.”

“Zeus maybe you should read this chapter.” Said Percy

“Yeah I’ll do that because it will obviously be about me.”

Percy was trying his level best to not laugh.

Zeus took the book and started reading.

Chapter Text

ZEUS

“Why is my name crossed out?” asked an angry Zeus

“Read on” said Percy.

WHY IS ZEUS ALWAYS FIRST?

Seriously, every book about the Greek gods has to start with this guy. Are we doing reverse alphabetical order?

“Nope.” Said a grinning Poseidon

I know he’s the king of Olympus and all—but trust me, this dude’s ego does not need to get any bigger.

“No it does not.” Said Hades, with a raised eyebrow at his nephew

Nico flashed his cousin a thumbs up.

You know what? Forget him.

“What? You can’t just forget me.” Said Zeus, frustrated.

We’re going to talk about the gods in the order they were born, women first. Take a backseat, Zeus. We’re starting with Hestia.

All the demigods burst into cheers.

Poseidon, Hades, Apollo and Hermes joined in.

Zeus scowled.

“Could I read next?” asked Rhea

Zeus’ scowl fell off his face and he handed over the book to his mother with a smile.

“Of course mother.”

HESTIA CHOOSES BACHELOR NUMBER ZERO

IN SOME WAYS, Hestia was a lot like her mom, Rhea... She was gentle and good-natured. She never said a bad word about anybody.

Rhea gave a quick smile to Percy and Hestia gave him a warm smile.

If you walked into a party on Mount Olympus,.. She wore plain, modest dresses and never used makeup.

Hestia gave another smile to her nephew.

I said earlier that nobody took her seriously... but that didn’t mean they didn’t love her. Like Rhea, Hestia was a hard person not to love.

“That’s true.” Said Thalia

“Yeah, you can’t not love Aunt Hestia.” Said Percy and Nico

Hestia was glad that her nephews and niece loved her.

In one important way, though, Hestia was not like Rhea. Her mom was known for being…well, a mom. The Great Mother. The Ultimate Mama. La Madre Grande.

Rhea raised an eyebrow at her grandson.

Everybody burst out laughing.

“La Madre Grande is Italian.” Said Nico

“Yep” said Percy

Hestia wanted nothing to do with being a mom...eally any wholesome activity.

“You know I’m starting to feel like that the Olympians are more fun than they look.” Said Annabeth

“Guys we should have a game night.” Suggested Travis

“We could play these kind of games too.” Added his brother Connor.

The gods and demigods agreed at once as it would let them spend more time with each other.

“What about tonight?” asked Percy

“We could have the drinking contest and the game night.” Said Will with a shrug.

Everybody nodded.

“So it’s decided, we’ll stop after 2-4 hours.”

If you think about it, you can see why...married only to find out her husband was actually a baby-swallowing cannibal.

Hestia shuddered.

She wasn’t being paranoid, either...he will be destined to rule the universe some day! Isn’t that awesome?”

Everybody face-palmed or groaned.

Zeus panicked. He thought he was going to end up like Ouranos and Kronos... compressing her so small that he could swallow her whole.

Rhea put the book down and glared at her youngest son.

Athena glared at her father.

Zeus looked at his feet.

That kind of freaked out the other Olympians, especially Hestia.

“Shoot, sorry Hestia.” Said Zeus

What happened to Metis and her unborn child down there in Zeus’s gut?... would be better rulers than Kronos. (Notice I said better, not good.)

Most of the gods looked at their feet or shuffled awkwardly.

Hera and Zeus glared at Percy who met their gazes with a glare of his own.

Like Hestia, Themis was modest and veiled and wasn’t interested in marriage... so feel free to get sick about them getting married. But let’s move past that.)

Everybody tried their hardest not to look at Zeus.

Hera scowled.

The marriage didn’t last long…But even Zeus was afraid of those girls.

“Well who wouldn’t be.” Said Thalia

After fathering the Fates, Zeus pulled Themis aside and said... she definitely didn’t want to get sucked down the tornado of Zeus’s throat.

“You know she really is wise.” Said Annabeth

Everybody nodded.

“Doomsday bombs?” asked Leo, cackling

Percy shrugged.

She decided it was much better to stay single and concentrate on helping her siblings raise their families... Let’s get it out of our systems—all together, One, two, three: “GROSS!”

“One...” said Percy

“Two…” said Nico

“Three…” said the Stolls

“GROSS!” yelled all the demigods and then everybody dissolved into snickers.

The gods looked at their children who were laughing like mad people.

A younger Olympian, Apollo, also wanted to marry Hestia.

“Dad?” asked Apollo’s kids, incredulously

“Yep.” Said Apollo

We’ll talk more about him later…holding bouquets of flowers and boxes of candy.

“Uh oh.” Said the demigods at once.

She thought, Uh-oh.

Everybody grinned.

“Great news,” Zeus said. “Both of these fine gods want to marry you... if he’d forgotten his underarm deodorant again.

“Did you?” Triton asked his father

“Nope.” Poseidon grinned.

Before they could get too angry…rare and valuable commodity.

“That much niceness is hard.” Admitted Clarisse.

“I rescind my offer of marriage,” Poseidon said... I will honor her wishes.”

“Good job you two.” Rhea praised

Poseidon and Apollo grinned.

Zeus shrugged. “Well, I still don’t get it. But okay... Hestia, your wish is granted!”

“I’ll make marshmallows at the game night.” Said Hestia before anybody could say anything.

They all grinned at her.

Hestia breathed a huge sigh of relief…infamous satyr jokes.

“No way.” Breathed Jason

“I’m still stuck on the fact that Zeus can tell jokes.” Said Nico

Hestia wasn’t used to…Priapus came wandering through the woods.

The gods scowled.

You don’t hear much about Priapus in the old stories..., guard my cucumbers with your mighty powers!

Everybody burst out laughing.

“Hail!” yelled all the demigods which just increased the laughter.

If you’ve ever seen…romantic with the god of vegetables?

Everybody raised their hands.

He knelt next to her. She smelled so yummy—like wood smoke and toasted marshmallows... because you simply didn’t mess with Hestia.

The gods nodded.

“Nope, you do not.” Said Nico

When they found Priapus…Why would they need fire?”

“Really dad?” asked Thalia

Zeus winced.

“They could learn to be more like us,” Prometheus said... Next, you’re going to want to arm the cockroaches.

“Cockroaches. That’s what we are.” Scowled Thalia

Zeus winced again.

Give humans fire, and they’re going to take over the world.. . Humans deserved the same comfort.

“Never thought I would say this but thank Prometheus.” Said Percy

The demigods nodded.

What happened next?

Most versions of the story say that Prometheus stole hot coals... Prometheus could’ve stolen fire without Hestia noticing.

Zeus looked at Hestia.

Personally, I think she had sympathy for Prometheus and those little humans…  “That little punk,” Zeus grumbled. “Prometheus armed the cockroaches.”

Zeus flinched under the glare of his children.

“Nothing,” Zeus muttered. He yelled to his guards: “Find Prometheus and get him in here. NOW!”... to peck open Prometheus’s belly and feed on his liver.

Rhea frowned at her son which made him feel slightly guilty.

Oh, sorry. That was a little gross…went to Hestia.

“That’s true.” Said Hestia

As towns and cities grew… caused World War Zero….

“Chapter’s done.” Said Rhea

“I’ll read.” Said Castor

Rhea handed Castor the book and he started reading.

Chapter Text

OH, YEAH. DEMETER!

“HECK YEAH!” cheered Nico

“GRAINS ROCK!” whooped Leo

“Is that how you talk to your grandmother Nico?” chided Demeter

“Sure Granty.” Nico grinned

“Granty?” blinked Demeter

“Grandma-aunty.” Smirked Nico

Hades groaned at the reminder.

“You need-“started Demeter

“I DON’T NEED ANY CEREAL.” Yelled Nico

The demigods and gods except Hades laughed their heads off and Demeter stared at Nico.

Rhea had no idea what they were talking about but she figured she would find out.

Try not to get too excited, because this chapter is all about the goddess of wheat... I’m not being fair to her, though.

Katie nodded.

Sure, she was the goddess of agriculture...sweet personality with her younger sister Hera’s knockout hotness.

Hera and Demeter looked at Percy who shrugged.

“I’m taken.” He teased

Annabeth blushed.

She wore a crown of woven corn leaves—not a fashion statement most people can pull off, but she managed.

Demeter smirked.

She liked to adorn herself with poppies... but her attitude…well, we’ll get to that later.)

Zeus and Hera glared at Percy who ignored them.

Not only was Demeter good-looking... meaning the Lady with the Golden Blade. Sounds like a good title for a martial arts movie.

“I would watch it.” Shrugged Leo

According to some legends... Zeus, Poseidon, and Hades all proposed marriage.

“Hades?” asked everybody

“Dad?” asked Nico, incredulously

Hades shrugged.

“I have a better one now.” He said

Persephone turned red.

But Demeter turned them down flat... and decided he absolutely had to get with her.

“Trouble.” Said Chris, in a sing song voice

He found her in a field… “Hey, baby. Don’t be like that.”

Jason and Thalia were slowly turning green.

Finally Demeter got so disgusted, she transformed herself into a serpent. She figured she could lose Zeus by hiding in the fields and slithering away.

“Bad idea.” Said Nico

Bad idea.

Nico and Percy high fived.

Zeus could transform into an animal too... Demeter slithered into a hole in the dirt. Another pretty terrible idea.

“Horrible.” Said everybody

“Grandma is not going to like the next part.” Said Nico

Rhea looked at him and blinked.

Zeus flinched.

Zeus slithered in after her...Well, use your imagination.

Rhea glared at her son and so did Katie and Demeter.

Jason and Thalia were as green as a leaf.

They both found the buckets very helpful.

Months later, Demeter gave birth to her first child—a daughter named Persephone.

Hades smiled.

She was such a cute, sweet baby, Demeter almost forgave Zeus for tricking her into reptile hanky-panky. Almost. They didn’t get married, and Zeus was a pretty neglectful dad.

“Is that a surprise?” snorted Nico

“Nope.” Said Percy

Thalia grumbled under her breath.

But still the little girl became the light of Demeter’s life... Being a sea god, he tended to notice pretty ladies walking along the beach.

Poseidon turned red.

“Perce, your mother happens to be one of them.” Said Jason, nudging Percy.

Percy turned red and looked at his dad with a raised eyebrow.

Poseidon sent him a mental message.

‘Yes’

Percy turned redder.

He appeared out of the waves in his best green robes, with his trident in his hand and a crown of seashells on his head. (He was sure that the crown made him look irresistible.)

Amphitrite blushed.

“Hey, girl,” he said, wiggling his eyebrows. “You must be the riptide, ’cause you sweep me off my feet.”

“Nice one Uncle P.” grinned Hermes and Apollo

Poseidon smirked.

“Sometimes the sea goes away,” Poseidon agreed, “but it always comes back... saw a herd of wild horses galloping through the surf.

Everybody groaned.

“Mother, Lord Poseidon created horses.” Said Katie, exasperatedly

Demeter turned red.

That’s perfect! Demeter thought.... She was easy to find.

“I have to change that perfume.” Grumbled Demeter

Poseidon shuffled uncomfortably.

Demeter’s seemingly perfect camouflage in the herd turned out to be a perfect trap...whinnied something like Hey, beautiful. Galloping my way?

Percy and Katie groaned and put their heads in their hands.

Much to Demeter’s horror, Poseidon got a lot cuddlier than she wanted... Poseidon to King Zeus, because Zeus was just as bad.

Rhea glared at Poseidon which just made him shuffle more awkwardly.

Months later, a very embarrassed and angry Demeter gave birth to twins... I’m not going to even try to figure that out.

“Nope.” Said a green Castor

Leo, and the Stolls used their buckets.

The baby girl was named Despoine, but you don’t hear much about her in the myths...Her baby brother, the stallion, was named Arion.

Hazel smiled at the mention of her friend.

He grew up to be a super-fast immortal steed who helped out Hercules and some other heroes, too.

“Yeah, except the fact that Hercules wasn’t a hero.” Growled Percy

Zoe smiled at him.

He was a pretty awesome horse, though I’m not sure that Demeter was real proud of having a son who needed new horseshoes every few months and was constantly nuzzling her for apples.

“It was weird but I do love Arion.” Admitted Demeter

At this point, you’d think Demeter would have sworn off those gross... she fell in love with a human prince named Iasion (pronounced EYE-son, I think).

Demeter glared at Zeus with such intensity that he flinched.

Rhea braced herself for what her son had done.

Just shows you how far humans had come since Prometheus gave them fire…Of course, something had to go wrong.

“Obviously.” Sighed the demigods

The next time Demeter visited the fields...A pile of hero ashes lay at her feet.

“Dad!” yelped Thalia

“Seriously?” said Jason

Castor continued reading.

She wailed and screamed curses at Zeus... hard work with bags of cash—kind of like the Old MacDonald Prize Patrol.

Some people snickered.

At this point, Demeter decided enough was enough...You should’ve seen what she did to this one dude, Erisikhthon.

“That’s a horrible name.” pointed out Piper

I know. Stupidest name ever… goddess on speed dial

“Speed dial.” Laughed Hermes

Because she was there in a flash…“I will cut them down too!”

“Bad move.” Cringed Leo

Katie looked murderous.

Travis went over and sat with her and gave her a hand squeeze and smile which made her feel better.

Demeter clenched her jaw. “And if Demeter tries to stop you?” Eric laughed...“SO,” the giant Demeter boomed, “YOU ARE NOT AFRAID?”

“That would be scary.” Said Persephone

“You should have seen their faces.” Scoffed Demeter

Eric’s fifty goons dropped their axes and ran screaming like little girls... BUT YOUR HUNGER WILL NEVER BE SATISFIED!”

“Whoa” said Leo, his mouth hanging open.

Demeter disappeared in a flash of emerald light. Poor Eric ran away whimpering, and swearing to the gods that he would never ever touch that sacred grove.

“Too late.” Said Katie, grinning maniacally

Travis went and joined his brothers and dad.

It didn’t matter. That night, when he had finished his dinner... He got so desperate, he even tried to sell his own daughter into slavery to get money for food.

“Mom wouldn’t let that happen.” Said Katie

Fortunately, Demeter wasn’t cruel enough to let that happen.

Katie and Demeter smiled at each other.

The daughter pleaded for someone to rescue her, and Poseidon came to her aid...Maybe he just didn’t mind helping out a pretty mortal girl.

“Both.” Shrugged Poseidon

He kept quiet when he noticed Amphitrite and Triton’s gazes and Percy’s keep quiet gesture.

When Amphitrite noticed Percy’s gesture, he just smiled innocently, causing her to roll her eyes though it was good naturedly.

Anyway, he took the girl under his protection and made her a housekeeper in his underwater palace...Anybody who controls food can bless you—or they can curse you very, very badly.

The demigods nodded.

After that, Demeter figured she’d gotten her anger out of her system... Oh, sure, she loved her other kids; but Persephone was her favorite.

Persephone and Demeter grinned at each other.

“I’m done with drama,” Demeter told herself. “I’m just going to kick back and enjoy spending time with my wonderful daughter!” As you can probably guess, that didn’t work out so well.

“Of course not.” Muttered Katie

“I’ll read.” Said Nico

Castor tossed him the book which he caught and smirked.

He groaned inwardly as he read the title.

Chapter Text

I HAVE TO BE HONEST. I never understood what made Persephone such a big deal.

Nico snickered.

Hades, Persephone and Demeter raised an eyebrow at Percy but he got the message clearly.

‘Don’t’

I mean, for a girl who almost destroyed the universe, she seems kind of meh.

Nico snickered louder and gave Percy a fist bump from between their feet which Poseidon saw and muffled his laughter.

Hades and Demeter glared at Percy, who looked anywhere but at them.

Sure, she was pretty. She had her mother’s long blond hair and Zeus’s sky blue eyes...I guess when your parents are both gods, you can come to believe that.

Nico couldn’t stop his chuckles this time.

She loved the outdoors... She wasn’t all that bright. She wasn’t brave.

Nico had to practically clamp a hand on his mouth and he was shaking with laughter.

The glares increased.

Percy shuffled uncomfortably, got up and squished himself between his dad and Triton who made some space for him.

Hades leaned behind Nico and Poseidon’s back and gave a playful ‘I’m watching you’ gesture to Percy.

Nico calmed himself and continued reading.

Persephone glaring at his back made matters easier.

She didn’t really have any goals or hobbies ...but I didn’t grow up that way, so I don’t have much sympathy for her.

This time when only Demeter glared at him, he met her gaze with a glare of his own, which took her by surprise.

“You already know about Gabe so don’t even look at me.” He said coldly to Demeter.

Triton and Poseidon put a hand on each of his shoulders.

Still, Demeter lived for her daughter, and I can’t blame her for being over-protective...The kid was lucky she wasn’t hatched from an egg.

This time Nico couldn’t control himself.

He burst out laughing and laughed his head off.

Hades looked at him but he still didn’t stop this time.

His laughter just caused all the demigods to laugh too. After that their parents started laughing.

So it was basically like a laughing gas spread in the throne room.

Of course, since Persephone was declared off-limits, all the male gods noticed her...But one god couldn’t get Persephone out of his mind—namely Hades, lord of the Underworld.

Hades and Persephone turned red.

Demeter scowled.

Perfect match, right? An old gloomy dude who lives in the world’s largest cave filled with the souls of the dead

“Hey, I am not old!” protested Hades

“I look like a 30 year old guy.” He added

“I know that but Persephone looked like an 18 year old girl.” Percy told his uncle.

“Yeah but now I look 28.” Said Persephone.

And he falls in love with a pretty young girl who likes sunlight and flowers and the Great Outdoors...Persephone was completely out of his league.

Persephone smiled.

“That you were.” Smiled Hades.

Persephone smiled at Hades and squeezed his hand.

Nico was trying his best not to choke on air.

His expression must have looked really funny because Thalia and Will were trying their best not to laugh.

Will sent a sympathetic smile towards his boyfriend.

Besides, Demeter wouldn’t let any god get close to her daughter... He carved her name on his obsidian dining table with a knife—which took a lot of work.

Persephone turned bright red and so did Hades.

She scooted a little closer to him and Nico and Hazel scooted further away from them.

This time Nico actually choked on air.

When everybody looked at him he said-

“Oh its okay just had some stuff stuck in my throat.”

“And in my head.” He added under his breath.

Percy snickered as he heard that.

He dreamed about her and had imaginary conversations with her where he admitted his love... The traffic jams at the gates of the Underworld got ridiculous.

“Ooh somebody is lovesick.” Cooed Aphrodite

Nico turned paler.

Finally Hades couldn’t stand it anymore.... Maybe I should talk to Persephone’s dad.

“Bad move uncle.” Flinched Thalia

It wasn’t easy for Hades to visit Mount Olympus. He knew he wasn’t welcome there.

The gods flinched.

He certainly didn’t want to ask any favors of his annoying little brother Zeus...about another beautiful lady he was intent on marrying, namely Hera

This time Thalia and Jason turned green.

Hera and Zeus blushed.

So when Hades came to see him...  “What’s up, man? Long time no see!”

“That’s cause you were the one who said he wasn’t welcome.” Grumbled Hazel

Hades was tempted to remind Zeus that it was “long time, no see” because Zeus had told him he wasn’t welcome on Mount Olympus; but he decided he’d better not mention that.

Hazel and Hades smiled at each other.

“Uh, actually…” Hades tugged nervously at his black robes. “I need some advice... “You’ve come to the right place. The ladies love me!”

Most of the people in the throne room snorted.

“Okay…” Hades started to wonder… I forget.”

“That’s probably because you have many children.” Said Rhea

“BURN!” yelled everybody in the throne room.

“Yes, my lord,” Hades said. “Her favorite daughter,” Zeus remembered...Mayb e I should declare my love to Persephone?”

Everybody looked at Hades.

“Wow.” Said the demigods

Persephone smiled at her husband and put her head on his shoulder.

This caused Aphrodite and Silena to aww.

Nico was green and one of his hand was resting on the bucket while the other held the book.

Hazel was green too and was patting Nico on the back.

Frank and Will were looking worriedly at their respective partners.

“What?” Zeus looked appalled. “Be honest with women? That never works, bro. You’ve got to be strong. Take what you want.”

Artemis glared at her father, so did Zoe and Thalia

“Son” Rhea face palmed.

“Uh…really?”

“Always works for me,” Zeus said... Maybe Zeus was right.

“NO HE WASN’T” yelled all the demigods.

(For the record: NO, HE WASN’T.)

All the demigods grinned.

“There’s one problem, my lord,” Hades said.

“Why does he have to call his brother lord?” growled Nico

The growl was pretty serious and that caused Zeus to look down.

Persephone is never alone… make flowers grow?

“He probably still has some pull with Gaia.” Said Annabeth

Dunno. Best guess: he still had some pull with Gaea the Earth Mother... But making flowers grow? Not a big deal.

Annabeth smiled fondly at her seaweed brain.

Persephone wandered from flower patch to flower patch, murmuring, “Ooh, pretty! Ooh, pretty!”... She meandered into a secluded valley filled with hyacinths.

Apollo smiled sadly.

She was reaching down to pick a beautiful red one when the ground rumbled...elaborate bronze helmet engraved with images of death and torture.

“Dad just robes would have been a good idea. There wasn’t any need for the whip and helmet and glove.” Said Hazel

Hades turned red and nodded.

In retrospect, Hades wondered if it was such a good idea to wear his helmet of terror... looking guy in a giant black chariot to come and trample her hyacinths.

There were a few snickers.

Truth be told, she’d occasionally had daydreams about some handsome young man sweeping her off her feet... But this was not what she’d envisioned.

“Well it is what I envision now.” Persephone smiled.

Hades turned bright red.

Nico’s hand was slowly closing on the handle of the bucket.

Hades took off his helm. His complexion was even paler than usual... “I am Hades,” he said in a squeaky voice. “I love you.”

Everybody chuckled.

Not knowing what else to do, Hades grabbed her arm... way up in his chick-magnet sun chariot.

“I am so calling the sun chick magnet.” Grinned Apollo

His kids chuckled and the others face palmed or laughed.

Because he had a great view and could see pretty much everything...Someday he should write a book. So Helios continued on his way.

“He’s like weird dudes.” Said Chris with a chuckle.

Clarisse smiled at her boyfriend and the others laughed.

As for the nymphs… but it could not have been good.

“It wasn’t. I had to ask mother a billion times to undo it all.” Shivered Persephone

Anyway, Demeter was freaked. She wandered around shouting for Persephone...she finally circled back around and combed the area near Hecate’s cave.

“Oh I hate walking in circles.” Groaned Leo

Hecate heard Demeter calling for Persephone...Hecate had a feeling a powerful god was behind it—or maybe more than one.

“Clever.” Said Beckendorf

Hecate ran down to meet Demeter...Then I will murder him again!”

Everybody looked at Demeter.

“You can’t murder me.” Smirked Hades

“You better not try to either.” Added Nico

At this point, most folks would’ve backed away from the crazy lady, but Hecate felt bad for her.

“Crazy indeed.” Muttered Nico

“I’ll help you search tonight,”… she was in the crowd.

Demeter nodded.

If it were me, I’d wait until the queen said, “O great Demeter—”

Then I’d jump out with a bunch of explosions and fireworks and say, “YOU CALLED?”

Everybody roared with laughter.

“That’d give the people a heart attack.” Choked out Connor

Percy grinned sheepishly.

Triton and Amphitrite shook their heads fondly at Percy.

Probably a good thing nobody has made me a god... “Oh, right! Yes, my queen!” Demeter said in her best old-lady voice.

Nico snickered.

The queen studied… How may we help you?”

“That’s sweet.” Said Piper

 Wow, Demeter thought. She’s serious... nicer in fact than most of Demeter’s fellow gods would have been.

The gods looked down.

Demeter felt so tired… goddess didn’t recognize.

“Ooh that’s next level.” Said Katie

She thanked the queen… largest Chia Pet.

Hades chuckled.

Demeter glared at him.

Demeter smiled… him in the blazing fireplace.

Leo glared at Hera.

You’re probably thinking… six-pack abs and hairy armpits.

Everybody sniggered.

Still, the queen was too polite… Maybe they’d heard the story of Eric.

“Oh that would scare them.” Admitted Pollux

The queen gasped. As a pious woman, she knew how to spot her gods. “Demeter!”... when he could have been Fully Phoon! Phoon the Great!”

“Fully Phoon.” Choked out Hermes, from between his laughter

Metaneira gulped… his stories, apparently.”

“You and Helios would’ve gotten along great brother.” Said Artemis

Demeter narrowed her eyes… “That’s okay. Really.”

Everybody chuckled.

“No, I insist. But now I must fly!”… Drooling all over Helios’ golden shoes.

“Busted.” Grinned Apollo

“Uh, hi?” he said nervously. “Where is my daughter?”...Hades was the most disgusting and horrible of all.

“Hey! Uncle/dad isn’t disgusting or horrible.” Said Nico and Percy.

They exchanged fist bumps behind Poseidon’s back.

Hades smiled at both of them and Demeter scowled.

“And why didn’t you tell me this sooner?”... When Zeus hears how Hades has dishonored our daughter, he’ll be furious!”

Everybody snorted.

She rode out of the sun palace and made straight for Mount Olympus... He kept picking at the end of his lightning bolt. Sweat trickled down the side of his face.

“Somebody’s guilty.” Said Aphrodite

A cold feeling came over Demeter—a kind of anger that was much deeper than anything she’d felt before. “Zeus, what did you do?”... He’s handsome…or, um, well, he’s powerful.”

“He’s good looking son.” Said Rhea

“Yes father.” Agreed Persephone

“I want my daughter back,” Demeter said... will share my pain until you do the right thing and return Persephone!”

“Mother!” said both Katie and Persephone

They exchanged quick and awkward smiles.

Everybody looked at Demeter, in a little disgust.

Demeter thundered out… even though she was starving.

“That’s hardcore.” Breathed the demigods.

“Poor bed.” Muttered Nico but it was loud enough for everybody to hear.

Persephone glared at Nico, which he ignored with practiced ease.

The “not eating” thing was important…  Hades looked sad and left her alone.

“Poor Hades.” Muttered Silena

Around the fourth day… quite seem forceful enough.

“You could learn some from your mother.” Said Nico, before he could help himself

Persephone raised an eyebrow as did Hades.

“What? She calls dad some unflattering names in the underworld. I have to thank her for my vocabulary.” Shrugged Nico

Everybody burst out laughing.

Hades took her abuse and told her he was sorry that she was angry... I will never miss the sunlight again. You are warmer than the sun by far.”

Aphrodite awed.

Persephone moved and sat in Hades’ lap and placed a kiss on his cheek which caused him to turn bright red.

Nico’s guts finally gave up.

He tossed the book to Percy and grabbed the bucket and emptied his guts out.

Nico did this all within a 3 seconds.

It took 4 minutes for Nico to stop and regain himself.

Will got up and sat with his boyfriend.

“I’m fine sunshine. You should sit with your brothers and dad and grandma.” Nico smiled

Will nodded and went.

Everybody was chuckling at Nico and he still looked very disturbed.

Persephone was still sitting in his dad’s lap which did not help.

He looked at Percy and he nodded.

“Dad could you move over slightly?” Percy murmured to his dad.

Poseidon understood and moved so did Triton

Nico went and sat between Percy and Hazel. He took the book from Percy and continued

“You’re a stupid head!” she screamed... Even on Mount Olympus, Persephone had never seen such dazzling wealth.

Hades smirked.

She started to realize… “She hates it here. She hates me.”

Rhea frowned at Demeter.

“Of course she does!”… Rather than release you!”

Silena cooed.

Hades blushed and put his hands around Persephone.

Nico tried his level best to not look at them.

Persephone didn’t know… and fresh fruits.

“That sounds beautiful.” Said Castor

Dionysus and Pollux agreed.

 She couldn’t understand what she was seeing... He didn’t look so horrible when he smiled.

Nico smiled.

“You—you did this for me?”… She told herself.

Demeter groaned.

“Mother, I like it in the underworld.” Said Persephone

She sat down, put one seed in her mouth, and couldn’t believe how good it tasted... “My love!” Hades called, and his voice sounded like he’d been weeping.

“Man I feel bad for uncle.” Said Percy

Jason heard him and nodded.

Persephone shot to her feet... Persephone swallowed. “But…you said—”

“She wants to stay.” Grinned Silena

“Zeus commands it.”… The dead for her sake

“I still would my love.” Said Hades

Hades kissed Persephone’s forehead.

Aphrodite squealed.

The ones sitting next to her winced.

Nico found the bucket useful again.

Hazel was feeling very awkward.

Rhea looked at her with a smile.

Hermes didn’t seem… “Show them your hands, my lady.”

“Snitch.” Muttered Katie

Persephone blushed. She held out her hands, which were stained purple... “She can stay!” Hades danced in a circle, grinning from ear to ear

Everybody grinned.

Hades was red.

Percy patted his uncle on the back, a little teasingly.

Then seemed to realize he didn’t look very dignified...She zapped the gardener Askalaphos into a gecko because he’d told on Persephone.

“Whoa.” Said Leo

“That’s…weird.” Said Thalia

The demigods nodded.

Demeter shrugged.

Why a gecko? I have no idea. I guess, off the top of her head, a zombie gecko was the worst curse she could think of... Let her spend a third of the year with Hades, and two-thirds with Demeter.”

“Nice one Aunt Hestia.” Smiled Percy

Amazingly, all the gods agreed...She fell in love with Hades and made a place for herself in the Underworld,

Silena cheered.

Persephone smiled at her, which she returned.

Though she still… Demeter’s anger look tame.

“I don’t doubt it.” Grumbled Thalia, though everybody heard her.

The demigods muffled their snickers.

Hera glared.

“I’ll read.” Said Apollo

Nico threw him the book, which he caught well.

Apollo shook his head playfully.

“You’re going to have to throw better Nico.”

Chapter Text

The Greek demigods snorted.

“Is that a surprise?” snorted Annabeth

Hera and Zeus glared at her but Annabeth just ignored them.

LET’S START WITH THE GOOD NEWS.

“There’s good news about her?” said Beckendorf, with a raised eyebrow

“Good one Beckendorf.” Cheered Thalia

Beckendorf grinned at her.

Rhea frowned. She didn’t understand why no Greek demigod seemed to like her daughter.

Hera was glaring at the demigods who were ignoring her.

Hera was hot. I mean totally knockout gorgeous.

Zeus raised an eyebrow at Percy who shrugged.

“I prefer Annabeth.”

Zeus’ eyes darkened as the demigods snickered and Annabeth turned red.

“What? She is my girlfriend.” Said Percy

She had long licorice-black hair...The Greeks described her eyes as “oxlike.”

“Is that a good thing or bad?” asked Clarisse

Believe it or not, that was a compliment.

“Well that clears it.”

It meant she had large, soft brown eyes that you could get lost in.

The demigods looked at Hera.

“I don’t see it.” Muttered Jason

Percy and Nico snickered.

I guess the Greeks spent a lot of time staring at oxen.

Everybody burst out laughing.

Anyway, in the early days of Mount Olympus...that the guy would leave in tears and never try flirting with her again.

“Man I feel bad for them.” Said Thalia

Artemis had to agree.

Mother Rhea decided Hera would do well at a boarding school for girls...and Aunt Tethys at the bottom of the farthest sea.

“Good job Grandmother.” Said Percy

“You know grandma sound weird, you all can call me Rhea.” Smiled Rhea

“Okay” smiled her grandchildren.

For a while, Hera was off the radar screen... unless he could prove he would be a good and faithful husband.

Everybody snorted.

She’d heard about her sister Demeter’s troubles... Not unless you show her a wedding ring and a financial statement proving you can support a family.

Zeus smirked.

Eventually most of the gods and Titans decided Hera was too much work...One god saw her as a challenge, though.

“Zeus.” Chorused the demigods

Zeus didn’t like to take no for an answer. You may have noticed that...he’d suddenly bust into a Kouretes dance number just to get her to smile.

Hera and Zeus flushed red.

Jason and Thalia turned green.

Jason got up and went and sat with Thalia on the Athena couch with Annabeth.

He didn’t forget to take his bucket with him though.

Secretly she enjoyed the attention. Zeus was funny when he wanted to be.

All the Greek demigods pretended to faint.

“I can’t believe it.” Said Percy, holding his head.

“You think we can?” replied Luke

“Nope.”

He was handsome with his dark hair and blue eyes...He was in good shape, no doubt about it.

Hera turned redder.

And, yes, he was the king of the universe…but Zeus had glimpsed her feelings.

A few people face-palmed.

“You like me,” he said. “You know you do.” “I certainly do not,” she said. “You’re a fool, a womanizer, a villain, and a liar!”

“Yep, she likes him.”

“Exactly!” Zeus said. “Those are my best qualities!”

“Wow, if anybody told that to him he would be a pile of ashes.” Said Nico

The demigods nodded.

The romans knew about Percy but apparently all the Greeks were pretty casual with the gods.

She tried hard not to laugh. She’d never met a guy who was so immune to her insults... “How can I convince you that you’re wasting your time?”

“You can’t, I love you.” Said Zeus

Hera blushed like crazy.

“You can’t. I love you.”

Jason and Thalia found good use for their buckets.

Hera gave a kiss to Zeus’ cheek.

This time many more demigods used their buckets and so did one or two gods namely Ares, Hephaestus and Hermes.

Their kids looked at them worriedly.

Jason, Thalia, Nico and Hazel were feeling really awkward.

Jason and Thalia because Zeus and Hera were blushing furiously and Hazel and Nico because Persephone and Hades were still in the same position as the last chapter.

She snorted. “You love anything in a dress.”...Hera began wondering if she’d somehow made a mistake.

Everybody snickered.

By a few nights later, Hera had almost forgotten about the conversation...She wasn’t jealous. That would be ridiculous.

“You are so jealous.” Said Aphrodite

Hera felt she couldn’t get redder but she did.

During the night… another word for crazy.

Zeus glared at Percy.

Anyway, Hera knelt down and scooped up the bird... Possibly the poor bird just got swept away. “

“You know this book is shocking me more and more. I never thought that Hera has a heart.” Said Thalia

The demigods snickered and Hera glared at Thalia.

Zeus frowned.

“Why do you guys not like my daughter?” Rhea finally asked.

“She’s screwed up a lot of lives, we would tell you but it will come up in the books.” Said Percy, a little coldly

Rhea noticed the tone and didn’t say anything.

Poseidon noticed it too but he didn’t say anything. He knew he would just have to wait.

It’s a miracle you’re alive,” Hera told the bird... “I’ll just keep him overnight,” she said to herself. (She’d decided it was a boy.)

“Well it is.” Muttered Zeus

If he’s better in the morning, I’ll send him on his way.” ... Hera laughed in delight. “All right, then. Yes. I love you, too.”

Zeus grinned.

“Well father just won the bet.” Said Hermes

Instantly the cuckoo hopped to the floor... Now, I believe you and I had a deal.”

A few people snickered.

Hera was so stunned, she couldn’t respond...She wasn’t sure whether she should hit him or laugh at him or just kiss him. He was awfully cute.

“I would prefer the last one.” Said Zeus

Hera blushed and gave him a quick kiss.

Jason, Thalia, Ares, Hermes, Dionysus had to use their buckets.

The respective gods’ kids patted their parents’ back while even they felt sick.

“On one condition,” she said tightly. “Name it.”... because it was such a motherly animal.

“Yeah the cow is motherly but she isn’t.” grumbled Hephaestus and his kids.

Personally, if somebody told me, “Wow, babe, you remind me of a heifer,” I would not take it as a compliment; but it didn’t seem to bother Hera. Whatever clunks your cowbell, I suppose.

Everybody burst out laughing.

“Wow babe, you remind me of a heifer.” Said Annabeth with a smirk

Everybody roared with laughter (Except Octavian, Hera and Zeus).

Zeus and Hera announced the happy news... It must’ve taken them forever to get there.

“Yeah, I sent them the invitations first.” Said Hermes

“I pity you dad.” Said the Stolls

Hermes chuckled.

Different people will tell you different stories about where the wedding was held... What’s it supposed to do, swim there? Its little tux would get wet.

Everybody laughed again.

“We dried them off.” Laughed Apollo

“Oh.”

Anyway, everybody who was invited showed up, except for one really stupid nymph named Chelone... That’s the story you’re going with?”

“Lying to the god of lying.” Snickered Hermes’ kids

Hermes patted his kids on the back while laughing.

Hermes got a dark look in his eyes. “Fine.” He marched over to Chelone’s hut and picked up the entire building, Superman-style.

“Oh yeah.” Smirked the Hermes gang.

He marched over to Chelone’s hut and picked up the entire building,... You might need that info on Jeopardy! someday.

“Good job Seaweed Brain.” Smiled Annabeth

The rest of the world was smart… the nymphs of the evening sky.

Zoe and Luke scowled.

Annabeth and Percy flinched as they remembered holding up the sky.

Artemis sent them sympathetic smiles.

Why Hera planted her apple tree way out there instead of keeping it on Mount Olympus...Ares, who was what you’d call a problem child.

Clarisse and Ares glared at Percy.

Hermes, Apollo and Dionysus snickered.

A girl, Hebe, who became the goddess of eternal youth;... ambushing goddesses in snake pits and fun stuff like that.

“Yeah brilliant times.” Said Thalia, voice dripping with sarcasm.

He’d promised to… just embarrassment.

Everybody glared at Hera including Rhea.

Personally, I’m not surprised things turned out badly...Before she could rethink this pretty terrible idea, she tossed the baby out the window.

The Hephaestus gang was glaring daggers.

“Hera.” Said Rhea very sternly, causing Hera to flinch

I know. Totally cold… Ixion to a feast on Mount Olympus.

Hera and Zeus scowled.

You’d think the guy would be on his best behavior... Occasionally we’re useful, if the gods need to kill small things down on earth. But BFFs? No.

The demigods looked down.

The gods flinched at this reaction.

All evening, Ixion kept making eyes at Hera, since she was the most beautiful lady at the table... Uh, do gods even have bathrooms?”

“That’s a good question.” Said Leo

“Down the hall,” Zeus said. “First door on the right... I think you’re awesome, too. How about a kiss?”

Hera and Zeus went into a string of curses.

He put his arm around her… “Not yet,” she said sweetly.

The demigods sniggered.

She led him down the hall and explained what had happened...Zeus off the balcony and take care of Ixion herself,

Everybody laughed their heads off.

“Throw Zeus off the balcony.” Chortled Triton and Poseidon

But Zeus raised his hands to placate her. “I have a plan,” he said... It became an exact replica of Hera, only pale and cold.

“Hera is pale and cold too.” Pointed out Thalia

I take that back. It was an exact replica of Hera.

Everybody laughed louder.

Percy and Thalia grinned at each other from between their laughter.

The demigods were rolling on the floor.

A few gods held their stomachs.

Apollo finally calmed down and continued.

Fake Hera looked…walked up quietly behind Ixion.

“Screwed.” Said the Stolls in a sing-song voice.

Zeus smirked.

Finally Ixion realized…half human, half horse.

Leo turned green.

Like I told you at the beginning, I couldn’t make up stuff this weird...we’d be here for a century. It sort of became Hera’s full-time job.

Rhea frowned.

But one particular mortal girl really got under her skin...as beautiful as a goddess, perhaps even more beautiful than Hera herself.

Dionysus smiled a little at the description of his mother.

Zeus started taking a lot of “shopping trips” down to Thebes…Have to work through trickery.

Dionysus scowled.

Hera floated down… “Thanks,” Hera muttered.

Thalia snickered.

“But I would still know you anywhere. Please, come in!”...“So, who is this guy? Is he local?”

Dionysus growled.

“Dad you good?” asked Castor

“Not exactly, Semele was my mother.” He said softly

Castor got a dark look and told his twin who got a similar dark look.

They resisted the urge to glare at Hera.

“Oh…I’m not supposed to say.”

“But I’m your old nursemaid, Beryl!” Hera said.

Jason and Thalia flinched.

Zeus noticed this and shot them worried looks.

‘You guys good?” he asked them mentally

“Just bad memories.” They both said back after they got over their shock

“Beroe,” Semele said…That’s the only way you’ll know for sure.”

Zeus glared at his wife.

Dionysus and his kids glared at Hera, causing her to flinch.

Semele pondered this…”Ask me any favor, and it’s yours.”

“Oh no.” said the gods

“That doesn’t end well.” Said Hades, remembering Marie Levesque

“Good.” She allowed herself a smile...Especially pregnant mortals who would like to live longer than a few seconds.”

Apollo and Will nodded.

“The power is too much for mortals especially pregnant ones.” Said Will

Apollo looked proudly at his son.

Nico looked at his boyfriend fondly.

“I can handle it,” she said. “I know I can...  looking at an actor first thing in the morning pre-makeup. Dangerous.

There were a few nervous chuckles.

On the other hand… living room wall.

A tear slid down Dionysus’ face.

Castor comforted his dad while Pollux glared daggers at Hera

A few demigods looked at Dionysus sympathetically while the others glared at Hera who didn’t bother to look ashamed.

Rhea was mad at her daughter.

“Really Hera?” she asked

Her mother’s tone made her flinch.

Apollo continued reading before anything major could break out.

However, the baby inside her did survive…Then he sewed his skin shut.

Jason and Thalia fell of their couches in pain, clinging on to their thighs.

Zeus was clutching his thigh too.

Everybody realized what had happened.

Apollo and Will got up and Will rushed over to the two demigods and Apollo went over to his father.

Rhea looked worriedly at her son.

Nico, Zoe, Percy and Piper rushed over to the demigods too.

Guys…do not try… that looked at.”

“We already knew.” Said Hermes

When the baby was ready…my anger on her son.”

Rhea looked angrily at Hera.

His name was King Aeacus (I think he needs a few more vowels in his name.

“Sarcasm at its best.” Grinned Leo

He and Percy exchanged air high fives.

Zeus and his kids got up and sat on their couches, with tears of pain welling in their eyes.

Everybody sighed in relief and went back to their seats.

No idea how to pronounce it, so I’m going with Eye-AH-cuss.)... and kills everyone in his kingdom. No, that’s not psychotic at all.

“Absolutely not.” Said Annabeth sarcastically.

As you can imagine…Take Poseidon, for instance.

Poseidon raised an eyebrow.

At first, they didn’t get along… Olympian rebellion.

Zeus scowled.

Apollo and Poseidon glared at Hera.

But we’ll get to that when we talk about Poseidon. Now we have to visit the Underworld and see how it’s going with our favorite creepy stalker death god, Hades.

Hades raised an eyebrow.

“Chapter’s done.” Said Apollo

“I’ll read.” Said the soft voice of Hestia

Apollo handed her the book with a smile.

“Uh dad, this position is getting really awkward now.” Said Nico, gesturing to Hades and Persephone.

Hazel and Percy nodded because they were the only other demigods on that couch.

Hades smirked and laid another kiss on Persephone’ head.

Nico turned green.

“Love could you please sit on the couch now.” Said Hades softly

She smiled and sat on the couch.

Nico sighed in relief.

He got up from next to Percy and sat with his father.

There were chuckle sin the room.

Hestia started reading.

Chapter Text

“That’s an odd title.” Said Hades

“When are my titles not odd.” Shrugged Percy

Hades had to admit he had a point.

I FEEL FOR THE GUY. No, seriously.

The underworld gang smiled at Percy.

Hades might be a creep, but there’s no doubt he got the short end of the universe...His dark hair covered his eyes like one of those emo dudes from Japanese manga.

“Yeah about that, you and Nico need a haircut.” Said Persephone

“No.” they both said indignantly

“Give dad one, I’ll get mine done by Will or Annabeth.” Said Nico

“Nobody’s touching my hair.” Said Hades

The others were watching this whole thing with fascination and were chuckling.

Once he became lord of the Underworld, all the color drained out of his complexion, because he was leaving the mortal world behind. Even if the other gods wanted to keep in touch with him (which they didn’t).

The gods looked down.

“Hey Nick why don’t we come over some day?” said Percy

“Yeah sure.” Said Nico

Hades blinked at them and nodded.

“I’ll drag dad with me too.” Smirked Percy

Poseidon blinked at his son who grinned wider.

“Eh, it couldn’t hurt.” He shrugged finally

“I would try to promise that too but well I know it’s not going to happen and I’d like to visit Hades’ palace alive and not because I’m dead.” Said Thalia, smiling

Zeus looked a little hurt but then Thalia gave him a wink to let him know that she was joking.

“Dad?” asked Will

“Fine I’ll come too.” Said Apollo

“I’ll take you guys with me.” Said Hermes

His kids nodded.

The others convinced their parents too.

So the people not coming were Athena and Hera but nobody was really bothered.

Needless to say the Underworld gang was beyond surprised.

“So uncle looks like you’re going to have to throw a party.” Grinned Percy

Hades looked at him and smiled.

“Looks like it.”

“Thanks nephew.” He muttered to Percy, making sure nobody could hear him.

“No problem.” Percy muttered back.

“Speaking of which, we’ll break for the game night after this chapter.” Said Chiron

Everybody cheered.

The Underworld had really bad phone service and zero Wi-Fi... Kind of like, Hey, I’m talking to you!

“No offence but why?” asked Leo

Everybody shrugged.

Why would you want to get Hades’ attention? I’m not sure.

Leo and Percy grinned at each other.

Eventually the entire Underworld would be called Hades after the god Hades,.. but if you got too close, you would hear the cries of tortured souls churning in the current.

Annabeth and Percy shuddered.

See, the Cocytus was fed by the tears of the damned...No wonder the guy was always in a bad mood.

Everybody snickered.

“That’s not really the reason but whatever.” Said Hades

The crazy thing was, Phlegethon water wouldn’t kill you, even if you were mortal. Sure, it would burn like radioactive chili peppers sautéed in acid.

“Yeah, that’s exactly how it tastes.” Said Annabeth, making sure her mother couldn’t hear her.

It would make you wish you were dead...  River number three, the Acheron, was the River of Pain.

“I bet its painful.” Said Leo

If you guessed it was painful, you win a cookie!

“I want my cookie.” Said Leo

Hestia conjured a cookie for the demigods and a few gods who were looking at her with big eyes.

The Acheron started in the mortal world, near a temple of the dead in Epirus... (I’ve had some bad experiences with amnesia. Long story.)

“Same here. It was really annoying” Said Jason

Percy nodded.

Anyway, the Lethe looked harmless... obviously better than the Boston Red Sox. I know—terrifying, right?

“I’m going to ignore the New York Yankees thing and say yes, it sounds terrifying.” Said Thalia

Percy, Nico and Annabeth looked down remembering Bob.

For some spirits of the dead, however, the Lethe was actually a blessing...seriously—who would want to go through twelve boring years of school again if you remembered doing it before?

“Yeah that would suck.” Said Piper

Poppies grew all along the banks of the Lethe... because DRUGS ARE BAD. Okay, I had to put that in there.)

There was silence for 2 seconds and everybody burs tout laughing.

“It’s a good warning but its freaking hilarious.” Choked out Hermes

At one point, the Lethe curved around the entrance of a dark cave where the god Hypnos lived... “Hey, kids, we’re going to the River of Hate for spring break!” “Yay!”

“Wohoo!” yelled Leo

“Sounds lit.” said Luke, sarcastically

The Styx flowed through the deepest, darkest parts of the Underworld... Mix sulfuric acid with sewage and a splash of liquid hatred, and you’ve got the Styx.

“Percy that was extremely detailed.” Said Nico

Percy grinned at his cousin.

So you’re wondering… looking like Brad Pitt

“Brad Pitt Percy.” Snickered Travis

But I guess Charon didn’t care about impressing the ghosts.

“Now he wears Italian suits.” Said Grover

At any rate…rolled into one.

“Yep that’s exactly how it looks.” Said Jason

Zeus and Jason’s friends flinched at the reminder that Jason was dead.

Thalia pulled him into a hug which he returned with equal enthusiasm.

If the spirits hadn’t been particularly good or bad in life... which wasn’t a horrible place—just incredibly, mind-numbingly boring.

Hazel shivered.

That’s how spirits got sorted, in theory... so naturally the kids take total advantage.

“When that happens in school, it’s absolutely awesome.” Said Leo

The demigods nodded.

Doomed souls from Punishment…It’s your turn to croak!”

Everybody burst out laughing.

“That would be hilarious at times.” Said Pollux

Anyway, the judges…humans shared property.

“We aren’t anybody’s property.” Growled Thalia

The gods flinched.

“We know now.” Assured Poseidon

Zeus listened and frowned thoughtfully...At the end of each season, the winning mortal could be crowned Elysian Idol!”

“Wow dad.” Said Thalia, tying to keep a straight face but it wasn’t working.

Zeus grinned.

“Uh, no,” Hades said… Lying will be impossible.”

“Nice.” Grinned Will

Hades smiled at his son’s boyfriend.

“I like it,” Zeus said. “Who will you pick for judges?”... but since almost every Greek king was a son of Zeus, there would still be plenty of kings to choose from.

Everybody roared with laughter.

Zeus shuffled uncomfortably under his wife’s glare.

“Agreed.” Zeus nodded... “Oh, don’t worry. I’ve got that covered.”

“Okay yeah that’s nothing good.” Said Beckendorf

Hades and Nico smirked.

When he got back to Erebos, Hades appointed three former kings, all demigod sons of Zeus, as his dead-celebrity judges: Minos, Aiakos, and Rhadamanthys.

Nico, Percy, Annabeth and Grover scowled at the mention of Minos.

Then he rounded up the three Furies—those spirits of vengeance who had been formed from the blood of Ouranos ages before... so you never knew when they would swoop down on you.

“That’s scary.” Shuddered Frank

Hades’ smirk got wider.

Hades used them to keep the dead in line...compliments of the Underworld Chamber of Commerce.

“Yeah does it include the beauty packages?” asked Aphrodite

Everybody sniggered.

“I’ll add the thing about the daimons.” Said Hermes

Once the souls of the dead made it to the River Styx, the daimon Charon would ferry them across for a standard fee of one silver coin. Hades had convinced him

“Threatened him.” Corrected Nico

(Read: threatened him)

Nico and Percy grinned at each other.

To charge everyone the same price… to knock it off!”

“He’d probably send more then.” Said Nico

Everybody chuckled.

Another upgrade Hades made: he tightened security at the gates of Erebos...Cerberus supposedly had a mane made out of snakes and a serpent for a tail.

“Yeah but he’s pretty sweet.” Said Annabeth

I can’t vouch for that. I only met Cerberus once. It was dark, and I was mostly focused on not whimpering or wetting my pants.

Hades smirked again.

He was pretty glad to know that his dog was intimidating.

 Anyway, once the departed spirits got inside the gates... trying to remember who they were and what they were doing—sort of like teachers during first period, before they’ve had enough coffee.

“Yeah I had a teacher like that once. It was hilarious watching him in the morning.” Said Piper

If you had led a good life, you went to Elysium... It was sort of like winning the Good Person Powerball Lottery.

“There should be more souls like that.” Said Percy

Everybody agreed to that.

If you’d lived an evil life, you got the special naughty treatment... or sliding down a giant razor blade into a pool of lemon juice.

“Razor blades hurt.” Said Hades.

“How do you know that?” asked Nico

“Uh. Got cut while shaving.” Was the reply

Nico wasn’t very satisfied by the answer and he looked around to see neither was Percy.

The both frowned but let it go for now.

“Dude cuts freaking hurt in lemon juice.” Whined Travis

“He got a paper cut once but he didn’t realize and he drank some lemon juice which touched his cut.” Said Katie to the confused looks.

You know, the usual. Most of the punishments weren’t very creative... A couple of examples? Tantalus. That dude was messed up.

The Greek demigods scowled.

“You’re telling me.” Said Charisse

The gods frowned, wondering how they knew Tantalus.

He was a Greek king—a son of Zeus, no surprise—

A few snickers.

Who got invited to share ambrosia…“Funny you should ask.”

The demigods froze.

That night, the gods gathered at Tantalus’s palace for dinner and got served a pot of yummy stew.

“What is this meat?” Demeter said, taking the first bite...that’s him in the stew. Surprise, you idiots! Ha, ha! Ha, ha!”

“What was he expecting?” asked Castor

Honestly, I don’t know what he was expecting... blasted Tantalus to ashes, and turned the king’s soul over to Hades.

“Good one dad.” Said Jason

Zeus smiled at his son.

“Make a special punishment for this one”… water were so close

All the demigods grinned maniacally.

Tantalizingly close, which is a word that comes from his name. Next time you want something really badly but it’s just out of reach, you’ve been tantalized.

Annabeth smiled fondly at her boyfriend.

What’s the moral of the story? I dunno... wake up every morning and think: You know what would be good today? Not dying.

“Oh it’s the same for all of us.” Said Travis

The gods winced.

But Sisyphus took things too far. One day, Death showed up at his house... “Why is there a giant black wing sticking out from under the bed?”

A few people chuckled.

Sisyphus explained what had happened. His wife wasn’t pleased. “This is going to get us both into trouble,” she said. “You should have just died.” “I love you, too,” Sisyphus muttered. “It’ll be fine. You’ll see.”

This time everybody laughed.

“She’s right.” Said Amphitrite.

It wasn’t fine… Those were even more important!

Everybody face-palmed.

“Fine,” Hades said. “Go scold your wife, but don’t take too long... “You can’t cheat Hades forever,” she warned. “You’re asking for trouble.”

Hades nodded.

“I’ve already been condemned… the head so easily.

“Prepared for anything eh?” asked Ares

Hermes grinned.

The messenger god…“You are merciful.”

Everybody including Hades snorted.

“Right.” Hades’ dark eyes glinted. “Merciful.”… Pomegranate trees to honor his wife.

Aphrodite awed and Persephone smiled.

The Olympian gods rarely visited—except for Hermes... Some stories say the father was actually Zeus disguised as Hades, which gets us into a whole new level of gross.

“It was me. She won’t have any ghost powers otherwise.” Said Hades

Everybody sighed in relief.

At any rate… I will always remember you.”

The people present in the room didn’t know whether to laugh or not. They were torn on what to choose.

The poplar quickly multiplied… Hades was lonely.

Persephone decided not to say anything.

Minthe stood…She’ll find us!”

“Wow, learn something from him.” Chided Hera

Everybody sniggered.

“I—I—” Hades gulped… I smell better, and—”

“She’s so screwed.” Said the demigods.

The hillside rumbled… smashed river nymph.

“Dude you just ruined mint for me.” Whined Connor

Percy grinned at his friend.

After that, Hades didn’t have many affairs...Let’s pop over to the Mediterranean, and I’ll introduce you to my dad—the one and only Poseidon.

“Chapter’s done.” Said Hestia

“Well read the rest tomorrow. Let’s get ready for the game night.” Said Chiron

Everybody cheered and left the throne room in groups.

Chapter Text

Nico and Percy got a mischievous glint and went behind Hades.

“Why are you two following me like that?” asked Hades with a raised eyebrow.

“What embarrassing stuff are you hiding related to razors and lemon juice?” asked Nico with a goofy smile.

Hades was turning red.

“What do you mean?” he finally asked

“When we were talking about  that you said razors hurt because you got cut during shaving but that was only half of it because you stuttered.” Said Percy

Hades turned red visibly.

“You better not tell this to anybody.” He warned

“Okay but first tell.” Said Percy

“One day, I was shaving and I got a small cut but I didn’t realize it so I put on some lemon scented aftershave and well…. That didn’t end very well. I’m very sure that Persephone heard the screams till the outside of the room.” Hades said, then cleared his throat.

Nico and Percy had started snickering in the middle but they were laughing like mad-men now.

“You better not tell anybody.” Warned Hades again

“Oh don’t worry uncle, its perfect blackmail material.” Snickered Percy

Then he ran off at top speed towards his dad before Hades could say anything.

Nico nodded.

“Why do I even bother with you two.” Sighed Hades

Nico chuckled.

“What happened?” asked Persephone, who had just come from the room

“Oh the aftershave thing.” Said Hades

Persephone chuckled.

Percy reached Poseidon, Triton and Amphitrite.

“Where were you son?” asked Poseidon

“Oh I was with Nico.” Grinned Percy

“Why though?”

“Hehe” said Percy

Poseidon rolled his eyes playfully and Percy stuck his tongue out.

“We better wear some loose pants if we’re going to play twister.” Said Triton

Everybody nodded.

The Hermes gang was walking to Hermes’ quarters.

“Dad what about the pranks?” asked Luke

“I have that figured out. I’ll come ten minutes late to the throne room and if anybody asks, you can tell them that I’m getting ready.” Grinned Hermes

The kids smiled mischievously.

The demigods got ready quickly and rushed out of their quarters to meet near the lake.

The gods were very confused as to what was happening except Hephaestus and Hestia who were smiling.

“Okay so Lord Hephaestus did Leo and Beckendorf tell you about the machines?” asked Percy

“Yes Percy, they told me but I feel they will be more effective if they are in the water.”

“But won’t they sink?” Frowned Percy

“We can use a light metal.” Said Beckendorf

Hephaestus and Leo nodded.

“Okay so till when can they get finished?” asked Thalia

“Depends on when we start. It isn’t a project that can get over in a day. It’ll probably take around 3-4 days.” Said Leo

“That’s fine because we’re here for quite a few days.” Said Annabeth

“We’ll start tomorrow.” Said Beckendorf

Everybody nodded.

“Thank you.” Said Percy, gratefully

Hephaestus laughed and waved it away.

The demigods went back to their respective quarters.

“Where were you guys?” asked Poseidon

Percy grinned and shrugged.

They all went to the throne room.

Octavian wasn’t invited.

Apparently everybody had had the idea of wearing track pants for twister.

Funnily the demigods and gods were wearing colors related to their particular domains.

The demigods ran and formed their own group, the couples held hands and the gods and titans watched them with smiles.

‘If they could forget everything and get along then why not us?” was the question in every gods’ head

They all reached the throne room only to find that the thrones were removed. They all figured it was probably by the fates.

“We’ll have the drinking competition in the end.” Said Chiron

Everybody nodded.

Leo started the recording.

“Where’s Hermes?” asked Ares

“He’s getting ready, we took the bathroom before him so he’s getting ready right now.” Said Luke, completely poker-faced.

“Maybe we could start with some spin the bottle.” Suggested Apollo

The demigods grinned and nodded.

“Is it truth or dare?” asked Nico

“No burning building.” Grinned Apollo

“Kill, save, ditch?” asked Percy

“Oh no. Kiss, Marry, Kill.” Said Apollo mischievously

The demigods groaned good-naturedly.

“I’ll spin first.” Said Thalia

Everybody sat down on mattresses.

Thalia spun the bottle on the floor.

It pointed to… Apollo!

He groaned.

Thalia grinned.

“Are we allowed to give characters from shows and movies?” she asked

“Yeah you can but it would be a little more fun if you gave from our lives.” Said Artemis

Hermes walked into the room and everybody explained him everything.

He nodded and sat down with a grin.

He whispered something in Thalia’s ear which caused her to grin wider.

 “Hey that’s cheating.” Whined Apollo

“You can do it too.” Said Nico

“Zeus, Hera, Python.” Said Thalia, finally.

She was grinning so wide that she thought her face might break.

The demigods, gods, Rhea and Leto burst out laughing.

Zeus and Hera looked horrified.

Apollo paled drastically.

He gulped and said

“Kill Python, Marry Hera and….” He trailed off

Everybody roared with laughter.

“You have to complete it brother.” Teased Ares

“Kiss dad.” Apollo said

The laughter increased somehow.

Apollo took the bottle and spun it.

It landed on… Zeus

Apollo smirked.

“Hera, Beryl Grace, Io.” He grinned

Zeus turned too bright red to explain.

Everybody muffled their expressions at his expression.

“Kill Io, Kiss Beryl Grace and Marry Hera.”

Hera nodded.

Zeus spun the bottle and it landed on… Hera

“Well dear.” Zeus started

Hera was horrified.

“Me, Argus, Chiron.” He smirked

Everybody laughed their heads off.

Chiron was horrified.

Hera was speechless.

“Kill Argus, Marry you… Kiss Chiron.”

Everybody had tears of laughter in their eyes.

Hera quickly spun he bottle.

It landed on… Annabeth

Hera smirked

“Connor, Luke, Percy.”

“Okay so I would Kill Luke, Kiss Connor and Marry Percy.”

“That makes sense Annie, Connor has his whole life ahead of him and well I’m already dead.” Appreciated Luke

She spun the bottle and it landed on Thalia.

Thalia paled.

She looked at Artemis who gave her a thumbs up.

“Apollo, Hermes and Ares.” Smirked Annabeth

“Kill Ares, Kiss Hermes and Marry Apollo.” Said Thalia

Ares shrugged.

Hermes smirked.

“Aww I knew you liked me cuz.” Said Apollo

“Haha so funny.” Thalia rolled her eyes

She spun the bottle again and it landed on… Hades

When Thalia smiled, Hades knew he was screwed.

“Hazel’s mom, Nico’s mom and Persephone.” She said

Hades gulped and shot Hazel and apologetic look.

“Kill Marie, Kiss Maria and Marry Persephone.” He said

Everybody nodded.

He spun the bottle and it landed on Percy.

Hades smirked.

“Hera, Gaia and Hyperion.”

Percy turned green.

The demigods and a few gods burst out laughing.

Percy cleared his throat.

“Kill Gaia, Marry Hera and… Kiss Hyperion.”

Everybody roared with laughter.

Percy grinned.

He spun the bottle and it landed on Nico.

Nico groaned.

“Persephone, Demeter, Hera.”

Nico turned paler.

“Why am I included in almost all?” asked Hera, angrily

“Because we aren’t really your fans here.” Retorted Thalia

Hera scowled.

Hades, Persephone and Demeter raised an eyebrow at Nico.

Percy was busy smirking and the others were clutching their stomachs.

“Kill Hera, Kiss Demeter…”Nico trailed off, turning very green.

“Marry Persephone.” He said finally, turning even greener.

Everybody saw the change of color in Nico’s face.

Hades raised his eyebrows.

“I don’t like Persephone but I don’t want to listen to the benefits of cereal and nor do I want anything to do with Hera.” Said Nico

Everybody roared with laughter.

Nico spun the bottle and it landed on Poseidon.

Nico got a confused look.

Percy grinned and leant over to Nico.

Poseidon groaned.

Nico grinned and said-

“Medusa, Gaia, Demeter.”

Poseidon face palmed.

“Cheeky brat.” Poseidon said to his son.

Percy grinned.

“I love you too dad.” He smirked

Poseidon smiled.

“Kill Gaia, Kiss Medusa and Marry Demeter.” He said finally

“Though I would marry Amphitrite any day.” He added.

Percy and triton were laughing their heads off but then that happened.

“Dad this is supposed to be funny.” They whined

Poseidon spun the bottle and it landed on Hermes.

“Aphrodite, Selene, Hera.”

“Easy, Kill Hera, Kiss Selene and Marry Aphrodite.”

Hermes spun the bottle and it landed on Dionysus.

“The nymph you chased, Ariadne, Aphrodite.”

“Kill the nymph, Kiss Aphrodite and Marry Ariadne.” Dionysus shrugged.

“Okay should we play some other game now?” asked Apollo

“Yeah we could do that. What about some charades?” asked Percy

“Okay so lets make teams.” Said Luke

“What about the capture the flag teams?” asked Percy

“We can have mother and Hestia and Hera on our team.” Said Apollo

“We’ll have Rachel, Aphrodite and mother Rhea.” Said Poseidon

Everybody nodded.

So Percy’s team gave the first movie/show.

“Stranger things.” Percy whispered to Apollo

Apollo tried acting it out and his team guessed it in the last second.

Apollo’s team gave Percy’s team The Lion King.

Percy was able to get them to guess the movie within 10 seconds.

They played charades for some time.

Then Nico suggested-

“What about we play Nerf wars?”

All the demigods agreed at once. Hermes, Apollo and Hermes agreed too.

The others didn’t know what nerf wars were.

The demigods quickly explained it to them.

They put some loud music as the background.

They all distributed the guns and played same teams.

They hid behind their respective couches.

Percy got up and shot Travis and quickly ducked.

Connor sneaked up behind Rachel and shot her.

Nico ran to the opponent base and shot Luke.

Hermes and Apollo fired from their couches and it hit the twins.

The gods surprisingly turned to be great at nerf wars.

Zeus took out Athena within the first 5 minutes.

Soon equal amount of players were eliminated.

The only people left were Percy and Annabeth.

The two of them were behind their couches.

Percy started crawling to reach Annabeth who was doing the same thing.

They both ended up shooting each other at the same time.

They both bust out laughing and Percy kissed Annabeth’s cheek.

Everybody cheered.

“What about some Twister?” asked Rhea

Everybody agreed.

Hestia laid down the Twister sheet.

She took the spinner.

“Let’s start off in two’s then we can move onto groups.” She said

They nodded.

“We’ll go first.” Said Percy and Annabeth

Everybody cheered.

They both walked onto the sheet.

“Okay so Annabeth, right foot on green.” Said Hestia, smiling

Annabeth put her right foot on the nearest green circle.

“Percy right hand on yellow.”

Percy put his right hand on the yellow circle.

“Annabeth left foot on red.”

Annabeth spread her left leg to the blue circle, above Percy’s hand.

“Percy left foot on red.”

Percy put his right hand up and slid his left foot under it to reach the red circle.

Everybody whistled.

Hestia smiled.

“Annabeth right hand on yellow.”

Annabeth bent over Percy’s leg and reached over to the yellow circle.

They were starting to get tangled.

“Percy right foot on green.”

Percy somehow managed to take his right foot and put it near Annabeth’s foot from under her hand.

He was wobbling dangerously while grinning.

Everybody else was laughing or cheering.

As soon as Hestia was about to say something, Annabeth readjusted herself a little and Percy fell down.

He and everybody else burst out laughing.

Annabeth and Percy separated themselves and got up.

“Come on dad, why don’t you go next.” Said Nico

Hades and Persephone went next.

“Alright Hades right leg on blue.”

Hades put his right leg on the blue circle.

“Persephone right hand on yellow.”

Persephone bent and put her right hand on the yellow circle.

“Hades right hand on blue.”

Hades bent and put his right hand in front of his leg.

He was grinning at Persephone.

“Persephone left leg on red.”

Persephone stretched her left leg from in front of Hades’ leg and put it on the red circle.

“Hades left leg on yellow.”

Hades stretched his leg to the circle near Persephone’s hand.

“Persephone right leg on green.”

Persephone adjusted herself and stretched her leg on green.

“Hades right leg on yellow.”

Hades removed his leg from the blue circle and put it over Persephone’s hand on yellow.

“Persephone left hand on red.”

Persephone tried to do that but she wasn’t able to and lost her balance right on Hades’ hand.

“Ouch.” He said, though he was grinning.

Everybody was cheering.

“What about groups now?” asked Percy

“Okay.” Said Poseidon

“What about me, Hermes, Ares and Dionysus.” Said Apollo

Everybody nodded.

The four got up and went to the mat.

“Apollo left leg on yellow.”

Apollo put his leg on the yellow circle.”

“Ares right leg on blue.”

“Dionysus, left hand on green.”

“Hermes left hand on yellow.”

“Apollo right leg on red.”

Apollo stretched his leg in front of Ares and onto the red circle.

“Ares left leg on yellow.”

Ares managed to stretch his leg on yellow near Apollo’s hand.

“Dionysus right hand on blue.”

Dionysus put his right hand on the blue circle from the top of Ares, Apollo and Hermes.

“Hermes left leg on red.”

Hermes stretched his leg on red causing Ares to fall.

Ares got up which caused Apollo to fall and then that just resulted in a kind of dominos.

Everybody burst out laughing.

The four of them joined in.

“Let’s have the drinking competition now.” Said Hestia

“Okay but can we do this again but next time physical sports?” asked Castor

Everybody nodded with smiles.

The goddesses, Rhea and Leto decided not to participate.

The others filled their glasses with nectar and in demigods’ case juice.

“3….2….1…. GO!” said Chiron

Everybody chugged their glasses as fast as they could.

The gods all had nectar dribbling down their chin but the demigods were perfectly fine.

The demigods were finishing faster than the gods.

“Done”

Castor and Pollux and Dakota finished first.

Dionysus was extremely proud.

Then Percy, Dionysus, the Stolls and Leo, Nico, Thalia, Apollo gang, Hermes and Apollo, Beckendorf and Piper and Hephaestus, Hades, Poseidon, Zeus….

Everybody cheered and the demigods fist bumped.

“Now we’ve had the game night, let us give you a taste of Camp Half Blood campfire.” Said Will

The romans clapped and so did the gods.

They all gathered outside along the logs.

Hestia roasted some marshmallows and the Apollo kids led the sing along.

“These are awesome Aunt Hestia.” Said Percy and Nico

Everybody agreed.

Hestia smiled at them warmly.

They all sung some Camp Half - blood special.

Everybody felt home.

Once they finished-

“Let’s go to sleep everybody, we will continue with the reading tomorrow.”

Everybody nodded.

“Next time it’s going to be physical sports.” Said Apollo

Everybody cheered and went to their respective quarters after saying good night.

Chapter Text

Everybody woke up early and went to breakfast but before that the gods found a surprise in their clothes.

“HERMES!” all the gods yelled.

“WHAT HAVE YOU AND YOUR KIDS DONE TO MY SHIRT?” yelled Hades whose shirt said Cereal rocks

“AND MINE?” yelled Zeus and Poseidon.

Zeus shirt said under the sea and Poseidon’s said I believe I can fly.

Hermes and his kids were rolling on the floor in laughter.

“Come one, it’s just fun.” Said Hermes

They scowled.

They ate quickly and were discussing the events of last night.

They went into the throne room and Triton picked up the book.

I’M BIASED. But if you’re going to have a Greek god for a parent, you couldn’t do better than Poseidon.

“Yep he is biased.” Said Jason

Poseidon grinned.

Sure, I’ve had my problems with him.. At least Poseidon has awesome powers and a laid-back attitude.

“Most of the time.” Said Hermes

(Most of the time)

Hermes and Percy grinned at each other.

He’s amazingly cool, considering how hard it was for him as a young god...Or sometimes: You’re not as much of a loser as Hades!

“Dad isn’t a loser though.” Said Nico

“I know this is what others said.” Assured Percy

That can really grate on a guy after a few centuries... He liked the beach. He liked swimming. He liked seafood.

“Seafood?” asked Apollo

“Those are the ones who are not under my influence.” Said Poseidon

Apollo nodded.

True, Poseidon wasn’t as flashy or powerful as Zeus... If he was in a bad mood, he could level whole cities or make islands sink beneath the waves.

“That’s scarily cool.” Said Travis

Poseidon smirked.

The Greeks called him…Poseidon is in the house!” or whatever.

Everybody snickered.

But sometimes the sea got angry, and Poseidon was the same way... we’ll call it even, and the Greeks thought he wanted an actual red bull.

“Wow Percy.” Said Dakota, playfully

“I haven’t had Red Bull but it seems good.” Percy shrugged

If you forgot to sacrifice, there was a good chance your ship would get smashed on the rocks, or eaten by a sea monster, or captured by pirates with bad personal hygiene.

“Pirates are bad enough but bad personal hygiene…’ Silena shivered.

Even if you never traveled by sea, that didn’t mean you were safe... because a fight between the sky and the sea could rip the world apart.

“You’re telling me.” Snorted Nico

Percy snickered.

Mother Rhea must’ve sensed the tension early on.

Rhea nodded.

Shortly after the gods took over the world, she suggested that Poseidon get out of Olympus... which was kind of cool in a gross, smelly way.

“That’s cool but very scary.” Said Travis

Some stories say that the telkhines invented metalworking, and even made Kronos’s scythe at Gaea’s request. Could be true. They were greedy, and would do anything for the right price.

Percy scowled.

After Zeus threw them into the ocean, their forms changed so that they looked like a cross between dogs, seals, and humans...A couple of times he flipped mountains right on top of his enemies, crushing them flat.

“That’s super cool.” Said Leo

Poseidon smirked.

See, I told you he was a boss.

“Percy you really are biased.” Said Nico

Percy grinned and shrugged.

Eventually, Poseidon got tired of the telkhines and decided to build his own palace. (Good move, Dad.)

“Thank you son.” Said Poseidon

He went to the bottom of the Aegean Sea and used his earthshaking... because every once in a while the whales and sea monsters would float through to pay their respects.

“That sounds beautiful.” Admitted Thalia

“You could come over sometime.” Offered Poseidon

Thalia was surprised. She knew Poseidon was cool if she wanted to use sea transport but inviting her to his palace was next level.

“T-Thank you Lord Poseidon.”

“Eh, just Poseidon’s fine.”

If you ask me…negotiations with the city elders.

“That’s awkward.” Said Leo

“It was.” Said Poseidon

“Ah,” Poseidon muttered. “Awkward.”… smack Athena into the sea

Ares, Apollo, Hermes, Dionysus and Percy burst out laughing.

“Smack Athena into the sea.” Choked out Apollo

But she had…pet jellyfish.

“Percy you are the only one who would want pet jellyfish.” Said Nico

Percy grinned

Everyone turned to Athena…stains on your kitchen counters.”

“You know I still don’t get the importance. Inventing pizza is one thing but olives…” Percy shrugged

Athena glared at Percy but Percy wasn’t looking at her.

She turned to the crowd of mortals…like Poseidonopolis.

Everybody snickered.

“Percy you are not good at naming stuff.” Said Nico

Poseidon stormed off…around them in the water.

“Aren’t you a Nereid?” Clarisse asked Amphitrite

Amphitrite nodded.

Everyone knew they were absolute knockouts

Amphitrite looked at Percy.

And having them in his domain was something that delighted Poseidon...she started bragging about how she was way more beautiful than the Nereids.

“She reminds me of Niobe.” Muttered Artemis.

Poseidon had no patience… She’s a stupid-looking constellation, too.

“It does look stupid.” Said Zoe, thoughtfully

After that, the Nereids were grateful to Poseidon for upholding their honor... Naturally, she was the one who caught Poseidon’s eye.

“Mother” sighed Triton.

Her name was Amphitrite, and her idea of paradise was living a quiet life at the bottom of the sea with no gods calling her up for dates or trying their cheesy pickup lines on her when she went to the underwater mall.

“You have malls?” asked Annabeth

“Yep.” Said Triton, proudly

“What about you guys?” Reyna asked Nico

“We have malls in Elysium and Isles of the Blest.” Nico said

“They are pretty good.’ Michael admitted

Unfortunately, Amphitrite was gorgeous... She had a kind smile and a beautiful laugh.

Amphitrite and Poseidon blushed.

“She’s taken son.” Teased Poseidon

“So am I.” replied Percy

Everybody burst out laughing.

“Good one.” Grinned Triton

“Annabeth’s laugh is beautiful.” Percy muttered though everybody heard him

Annabeth blushed.

Usually she dressed in a simple white gown, her only piece of jewelry a circlet of polished red crab claws across her brow—which doesn’t strike me as very attractive.

“Maybe not but it probably suits her.” Said Silena

But I guess it was fashionable among the Nereids.

“And that.” Added Silena

Poseidon tried everything to win her heart: saltwater taffy, a serenade of whale songs...crying like a humpback whale, confusing all the sea mammals, and giving the giant squids migraines.

Triton paled slightly.

“Wow dad, giving giant squids migraines. That’s next level.” Said Percy

Poseidon blushed.

Eventually the sea creatures elected this god named Delphin to go talk to Poseidon...So Delphin swam into the throne room and chattered in Dolphinese:

“Dolphinese?” asked Triton with a raised eyebrow.

“It makes sense.” Shrugged Percy

Triton tilted his head.

“Fair enough.”

“What’s up, P-man? Why the face?” “Oh, it’s Amphitrite.”... “I don’t care!” Poseidon sobbed. “I want Amphitrite!”

Poseidon and Amphitrite blushed.

Percy went slightly pale and Triton was going green.

Poseidon placed a kiss of Amphitrite’s forehead which caused her to blush fiercely.

Triton’s guts gave out.

He threw the book at his father who caught it with surprise.

Triton grabbed the bucket and was thanking the fates for it.

Percy rubbed Triton’s back, feeling a little sick himself.

Nico was trying not to snicker at Percy’s face.

Once Triton was okay, he took the book and continued reading.

“Yeah, well, that’s a bummer,” Delphin said. “Look, your moaning and groaning is messing up everybody’s sonar. Just this morning two blue whales got in a head-on collision and backed up the Aegean morning commute for miles.

“Now that’s serious dad.” Said Triton

So how about I find this lady Amphitrite and convince her to marry you?” Poseidon’s tears dried immediately, which was impressive since he was underwater.

Leo whistled.

“That is impressive.” He said

You could do that for me?” “I’m a dolphin,” Delphin chattered... near where the Titan Atlas held up the sky.

Zoe, Artemis, Thalia, Grover, Annabeth, Percy and Luke winced.

Amphitrite sat on a coral ledge, watching the sunset filter through the deep water... Delphin wasn’t sure why, but that whole thing about getting wiser as you got older? Not so much.

The demigods muffled their snickers.

Delphin floated up to Amphitrite. “Hey, what’s up?”...Delphin had to resist the urge to snap up the fish. Seabass were tasty.

Poseidon chuckled.

“Poseidon’s not a bad guy,” Delphin offered. “You could do a lot worse.”

“Poseidon is not a not bad guy, he’s awesome.” Said Amphitrite

Needless to say this time both Percy and Triton found their buckets useful.

Poseidon smirked and patted his children on the back.

“But I don’t want to get married to anyone!” Amphitrite protested... I want to be my own person, do my own thing, without some man lording over me!”

Everybody looked at Amphitrite.

The demigods shared glances and got up.

The gods were all wondering where this was going.

They all started clapping and cheering.

So she basically got a very enthusiastic standing ovation from the demigods.

“Oh, is that all?” Delphin chittered with relief...which he thought made him look intimidating.

Triton chuckled.

“You would do that for me?” Amphitrite asked…The boss is coming! Everybody look busy!

“First that was a good description, thank you and the second is that is exactly what I do.” Grinned Triton

Percy returned the grin.

Poseidon and Amphitrite’s second kid was Rhode... Their third kid, a daughter named Kymopoleia

“Hey Jason did you send her the action figure?” asked Percy

“Yep.” Grinned Jason

The others did not know what they were talking about but they didn’t ask.

Was big and clumsy and loud… Amphitrite was cool.

The demigods broke into another round of extremely loud cheers.

Amphitrite turned red under the praise.

She was even nice to Poseidon’s demigod children, unlike some other goddesses I could name.

“Hera” chorused the demigods

“Dear old step mother.” Said Thalia, sarcastically

Everybody burst out laughing.

Hera scowled and Zeus frowned.

She’s been pretty cool to me, too. She doesn’t freak out when I leave my dirty laundry in the guest room.

“DUDE!!” every demigod whined.

“HOW?!” whined Nico

“Uncle Poseidon does have a good taste in both mortals and immortals.” Said Jason

Poseidon smirked.

The gods felt a little guilty that their children didn’t have anybody like that.

She makes cookies for me. She’s never tried to kill me that I know of. Pretty much all you could ask of an immortal stepmom.

All the demigods started yelling again.

A few of the demigods were fake crying.

“Kelp Head you have the coolest mom and step mom.” Whined Thalia

“Can we please adopt you as our step mother?” begged Nico and Jason

Amphitrite smiled and gave them a thumbs up.

The big three demigods burst into extremely loud cheers.

“Wait you won’t turn me into sea bass right? I have had enough of being changed into something.” asked Nico

Amphitrite chuckled.

“No don’t worry.”

Percy and Triton grinned very wide.

Percy and the other big three demigods jumped on Amphitrite and engulfed her in a bear hug.

Poseidon chuckled and softly pulled them off.

They all started dancing.

“Guys, I want to continue reading.” Said Triton

They sat down.

As for Poseidon, it’s a good thing he had an easygoing wife...We’d call it Poseidon’s Little Black Book.

“That’s a good name.” said Triton

But it would be too weird for me to talk about all my dad’s girlfriends...” Which is probably not the thing to say if you’re chasing a girl.

“Nope” said Hermes, popping the p.

Koroneis panicked…named Medusa.

Everybody groaned.

Unlike Koroneis, Medusa was flattered that the sea god liked her...Medusa should’ve said no, but Poseidon could be pretty charming when he wanted to be.

“Yeah and that quiet spot was my temple.” Grumbled Athena

He took her into town, straight to the temple of Athena...” Now, I’m not going to excuse Poseidon’s behavior.

“You aren’t that biased Percy.” Appreciated Michael

He knew very well that Athena would get angry. He was using Medusa to get revenge. He lost sight of the fact that Hey, maybe Athena will take her anger out on this poor mortal girl….

“Yeah and now she takes her anger out on us.” Growled Percy

Poseidon and Medusa made themselves comfortable and got romantic at the foot of Athena’s statue...running away. Not that I have ever personally done anything like that, of course.

Everybody burst out laughing.

“You’ve so done that.” Said Will

Percy grinned sheepishly.

The Hermes gang looked at Percy with increased respect.

Athena looked down…to poor Medusa.

“I never thought I would say this but I kinda almost feel bad for Medusa.” Said Grover

Medusa quickly…I’m going out with your enemy!

Everybody burst out laughing.

Anyway, they had a kid together named Bellerophon, who became a great hero...That’s just Zeus’s PR machine at work.

“Good to know.” Said Lee

My favorite thing about Poseidon? If he really liked you, he could grant you shape-shifting powers... Me, I can’t change shape. Thanks a lot, Dad.

A few people snickered.

“Son you’re already very powerful judging by a couple of adventures that know about. If I would have given you more then you would probably just burn of power.” Said Poseidon

“I know dad, I was just joking.”

On the other hand…  “You’re welcome,” said a big ram, right next to her.

A few people snickered.

Theophane gulped. (Can ewes gulp?) “Poseidon?” The ram winked. “You like my new wool coat? Because I like ewe. Get it? Ewe?”

Everybody face-palmed and Poseidon turned red.

Theophane started to feel queasy…related to a sheepskin rug.

“Wow” said Leo, voice dripping with sarcasm.

This is why you don’t want to think too hard about who you’re related to in the Greek myths. It’ll drive you crazy.

All the demigods nodded.

“You might even be related in multiple ways like Demeter is my Granty being my dad’s sister but also Persephone’s mother.” Said Nico

Last story about Poseidon, and it’s a tearjerker...Hera got it into her head that the gods should have a rebellion against Zeus.

Rhea sat forward.

I can’t blame her, really. Zeus could be a total diaper wipe.

Zeus glared at Percy who glared right back.

She decided that…unflattering names.

“I bet he did.” Said Luke

“WHAT DO YOU WANT?”… People’s Republic of Olympus.

Many people snickered at the name.

They quickly found that voting on everything was messy...saw him tied up, and said, “Uh…is this a bad time?”

“Yes for the gods but no for Zeus.” Said Leo

“Thetis, thank the Fates!” Zeus cried. “Get me out of here!"... No matter what she did, she was going to make a powerful enemy.

“That’s a…. fair point.” Frowned Clarisse

“If I let you out,” Thetis said, “promise me you’ll be merciful to the other gods."... On second thought, don’t blast them.”

Everybody snickered.

“Hang on,” Thetis said…that rope and watch you fall!”

“Would anybody miss her?” Thalia muttered to Annabeth who muffle her laughter.

That’s the sort of loving relationship they had.

Everybody burst out laughing.

Hera eventually got free, but we’ll get to that story later...Like an idiot, Zeus believed her.

“That’s not fair.” Frowned Nico

Annabeth had to agree.

“She participated but lied just to avoid punishment and let others suffer.” Frowned Will

“You know now I know very well why you aren’t a fan of Athena.” Said Nico

Athena glared at them but then they all glared at her together.

Apollo and Poseidon…Troy nearly invincible.

Percy whistled.

“Good job dad.” He praised

Poseidon grinned at his son.

At last, tired and sore and irritated…  “Are you still here?” Laomedon asked.

“That’s seriously messed up.” Said Castor

Every word Triton just read was laced with anger.

All the demigods nodded.

Zeus made him a god again, but Poseidon never forgot how Laomedon had insulted him... But if you made him angry, he had a long, long memory.

Poseidon nodded.

“Lesson learnt Professor Percy.” Said Leo

“Good job young man.” Percy grinned

Everybody chuckled.

The only god who held longer grudges…yeah, you guessed it. Old Thunderpants himself. I suppose we’ve put him off long enough. It’s time to talk about Zeus.

“Old Thunderpants.” Sputtered Zeus

Nobody answered him.

“I’ll read.” Said Luke

Triton tossed him the book

Luke started reading.

Chapter Text

“Say what now?” asked Rhea

YOU WANT SCARY?

“Not really, we have enough scary in our lives.” Said Leo, casually

The demigods shrugged.

The gods were surprised that the demigods could talk about it so casually.

Think about this: Zeus was the god of law and order... oaths were kept, and strangers were given hospitality.

“Okay that is kind of scary.” Admitted Clarisse

That would be like making me the god of homework and good grades.

Everybody snorted.

I guess Zeus wasn’t all bad. Sometimes he would show up at mortals’ homes disguised... Just knowing that every traveler or homeless person might be Zeus in disguise kept the Greeks on their toes.

“That’s a good idea dad.” Smiled Jason

Zeus smiled at him.

Same with kings. Zeus was the god of kingly power... Zeus was busy chasing some girl and didn’t notice);

The demigods and gods snickered as Hera scowled.

But there was always a chance that if you did something really evil or stupid, Zeus would bring down the godly thunder and lightning and blast you right off your throne. Example? Salmoneus.

Zeus scowled.

That dude should’ve won…keep people in line.

The gods got a dark look in their eyes.

That night Salmoneus sat in his partially built palace, watching his citizens working late... Salmoneus was always the best actor.

The demigods groaned and face-palmed.

“That guy is going to die.” Said Nico

The demigods nodded.

He called in his most… “You look like Salmoneus.”

“Brave and intelligent guy.” Nodded Beckendorf

“Yes!” Salmoneus agreed. “But I am also Zeus!...placing food baskets on the ground near the chariot.

“Knowing dad, these are going to be the first ones to die after Salmoneus and his advisor.” Grimaced Thalia

Zeus cringed a little.

One man called out, “Why do you have chickens painted on your chariot?”...Salmoneus kicked his advisor under the blanket.

“I feel bad for the advisor.” Said Silena

The advisor started pounding… I shall strike you down!”

The demigods snickered.

“That’s a torch!” somebody yelled... “I am ZEUS!” “YOU’RE NOT ZEUS!” yelled the crowd.

“Names have power mortal.” Said Grover, in his best imitation of Dionysus

All the demigods who recognized it roared with laughter.

Even Chiron was laughing.

Dionysus raised an eyebrow at Grover who whistled innocently.

So many people were yelling the name Zeus that the big guy himself up on Mount Olympus took notice... The god of the sky wasn’t sure whether to laugh or rage.

“He’s going to decide on raging.” Said Castor

He decided on raging.

“Told ya.” Grinned Castor

Storm clouds gathered over the new city of Salmonea...SOME OF YOU BROUGHT HIM OFFERINGS. SOME OF YOU ACTUALLY BELIEVED THAT FOOL!

“Dad” groaned Thalia.

“No!” the mortals yelled, groveling and cowering... LIGHTNING BOLTS INCOMING IN FIVE, FOUR, THREE…

“Well at least somebody got a warning.” Muttered Nico, making sure his dad or Persephone couldn’t hear him.

Though Percy heard him. He looked at his cousin worriedly and placed a hand on Nico’s shoulder.

The mortals broke ranks and ran, but Zeus didn’t give them much time... and a bucket o’ torches.

“That was overkill.” Said Triton

Overkill. Literally.

Percy and Triton grinned at each other.

But it wasn’t the worst punishment Zeus ever doled out...or they were cursing a lot and driving over the speed limit.

Rhea face-palmed.

Whatever. Zeus got angry and decided to destroy the entire race... “All right, that’s it! Everybody is getting detention right now! The whole class!”

“Yeah those teachers are hilarious but damn the punishments.” Said Travis, pulling a face

Hermes chuckled.

Like, Dude, please. There are options between nothing and going nuclear.

“Exactly!” exclaimed all the demigods.

Zeus scowled.

Anyway, Zeus called…rain until all the humans drown!”

“First that is awful and second floods are dad’s department.” Said Percy

Poseidon grunted. “Floods are my department.”

Poseidon and Percy exchanged grins.

“You can help,” Zeus offered. “But without humans,” Hestia asked from the hearth...but the main thing was: they died off, and we haven’t…yet.

“Yep, the yet there is very important.” Said Chris

The demigods nodded.

The gods winced slightly.

“Besides,” Zeus continued, “a flood is good. We need to give the earth a proper power-washing once in a while to get all the grime off the sidewalks.”

“Yeah your girlfriends and children are grime.” Said Percy, sarcastically

Zeus scowled but didn’t glare at Percy.

Reluctantly, the gods agreed to his plan, but many of them had favorite humans...You can’t exactly join a dating service when you’re chained to a rock being tortured.

There were a few sniggers.

Whatever the case, Prometheus somehow heard about Zeus’s plan... FLOOD COMING! GATHER SUPPLIES IN THE BIGGEST CHEST YOU CAN FIND! HURRY!

“He seems like a good titan and somehow even he turned against the gods.” Muttered Beckendorf

Deucalion woke up… But I’m just guessing.

Everybody chuckled.

Finally the waters sank back into the sea, and the land started to dry out...” Pyrrha said, “we make a sacrifice to Zeus and ask him never to do this again.”

“Good job lady.” Said Ares

Deucalion agreed…I don’t carry her bones around with me!”

Everybody burst out laughing.

I just pronounce the prophecies, the Oracle muttered. I don’t explain them. Now, shoo!

Rachel and Apollo were laughing their heads off.

Deucalion and Pyrrha…  “That’s why you married me.”

Silena and Aphrodite cooed.

So Deucalion and Pyrrha started picking up rocks... he wouldn’t have had any pretty mortal girls to chase after.

“That is sooo important.” Said Nico

You can’t swing a cat in Ancient Greece without hitting at least one of Zeus’s ex-girlfriends.

The demigods snickered and Poseidon and Hades burst out laughing.

We’ve already covered a lot of his romances...(Seriously, how do you corner somebody when you’re an ant, and how would you…never mind.)

“That’s….I don’t even know what to say.” Thalia gave up

Zeus shuffled awkwardly.

“Same here.” Said Rhea

Zeus even tricked some women by appearing as their husbands. That’s just low.

“Yeah I give up.” Said Leo, throwing his hands in the air

One particularly sneaky trick was when he kidnapped this lady named Europa...when gods showed up, girls tended to run away for good reason

“I love how you add the good reason in it.” Said Nico

And c) he really wanted to talk to Europa alone... He stopped on a grassy hillside near the beach and started grazing, like, Ho-hum. Don’t mind me.

A few people chortled.

All the girls noticed him…eventually the name stuck as Europe.

“Informative Percy.” Grinned Piper

Percy clicked his tongue and gave her a thumbs up.

Zeus didn’t always get his way with women, though...That freaked Zeus out pretty good.

“I didn’t swallow her.” Said Zeus, quickly to Thalia’s looks.

Thalia visibly relaxed.

“A kid greater than me?” he muttered to himself...None of us needs a super-powerful Zeus Junior running around.

“Nope.” Said Triton, popping the p.

Zeus by himself was powerful enough to handle anything…well, almost anything. The only time he got schooled, fooled, and totally tooled

“Nice” grinned the Hermes gang and Leo.

Was when he faced…Did I mention that?

“That’s freaky.” Shuddered Pollux

“I only saw him clearly once.” Said Percy

“You best hope it remains that way too, you don’t want to see him more than that.” Said Poseidon.

Typhoeus was born…The Sphinx needs her dad!”

“Never thought I would be similar to a sphinx.” Joked Nico

He gave a wink to his dad to let him know he was joking

Hades relaxed visibly.

Typhoeus shuddered…sounded more like “charge?”

A few snickers.

When Typhoeus saw them coming, he experienced something he’d never felt before... “DIE, IMMORTALS!” he bellowed.

“That doesn’t make sense.” Said Amphitrite.

Which wasn’t a logical challenge, since technically immortals can’t die... which is pretty close to being dead.

The demigods paled.

“Yep” gulped Leo.

Anyway, the storm giant spewed poison and belched fire and rose to his full height... The gods changed their war cry to: “RUN!” “HELP!” And: “MOMMY!”

The demigods managed a few snickers despite the seriousness of the situation.

Everybody except Zeus turned and fled…Anger gave him courage.

“That’s an odd thing that gives courage but sure.” Said Artemis, tilting her head

“You’re going down, big boy!” Zeus yelled...Typhoeus snatched him up in a snake-fingered hand and began to squeeze.

Zeus, Jason and Thalia were feeling as if somebody was compressing them from their sides.

Zeus changed his size, growing as large as he possibly could... Okay. Prepare yourself. This is gross.

The demigods and gods grabbed their buckets.

 …they ripped out Zeus’s tendons. What does that mean?...He was completely helpless, and in so much pain, he couldn’t even see straight.

Everybody except Jason, Thalia, Zeus and Hera emptied their guts out in the buckets.

Jason, Thalia and Zeus were screaming but luckily the pain was minimized.

Jason and Thalia’s friends got up after they regained themselves and rushed to them.

Luke continued reading.

“There we go!”… ZEUS SUX and TYPHOEUS WUZ HERE.

A few snickers.

They weren’t the bravest gods. They were just the sneakiest. One was Hermes the messenger, who could fly very fast and was good at staying off the radar.

“I love that description, especially the sneaky part.” Smirked Hermes

“Yeah go dad!” cheered his kids.

“Yeah he really is sneaky.” Said Poseidon, pointing to his shirts.

The other was a minor satyr…reputation for playing very well.

Grover smiled.

Suddenly, Zeus got a crazy idea...“When strength doesn’t work,” Zeus said, “trickery might.” “I like trickery,” Hermes said.

“So do we.” Grinned the demigods.

Zeus told them his plan…girlfriend’s freshly shampooed hair….

Annabeth and Percy turned bright red.

Aphrodite and Silena cooed.

Everybody else burst out laughing.

Sorry. I got distracted…extraction if things went bad.)

Hermes’ kids cheered for their dad who chuckled.

“Oh, hello,” said Aegipan... That’s disgusting!

The demigods choked on air.

As soon as you conquer the universe...Fighting with the moon. It’s exhausting!”

Grover cheered Aegipan.

“Yes, my lord,”… the back of the head.

Everybody snickered.

Thalia, Jason and Zeus felt as if somebody messed with their bodies which they kind of had.

“Sorry!” Hermes said. “I can fix that!”... making him feel stronger than ever.

“I can’t believe these words are coming out of my mouth but good job Zeus.” Said Percy

“And great job Hermes.” He grinned and added

“Time for payback,” he grumbled… supernova right up your nostrils.

“OUCH!” yelled all the demigods, though they didn’t feel anything, obviously.

Typhoeus fell flat on the ground, but Zeus blasted him again... shredding his cloud of darkness and blinding him over and over.

“Nice.” Said Leo

Before Typhoeus could recover, he stumbled into the sea... but Aegipan was given a constellation to honor his bravery.

“He deserves it.” Smiled Grover

“Yes he does.” Nodded Percy

It’s in the shape of a goat with a fish’s tail...she’s my girlfriend Annabeth’s mom—good old crafty, scary-smart Athena.

“I like that.” Smirked Athena

“I’ll read then.” Said Annabeth.

Luke passed over the book with a grin.

Annabeth flipped through the pages.

“Uh Lord Poseidon, can I tell you something?” asked Annabeth

“Sure and I told you Poseidon’s fine.” He grinned

Annabeth smiled and got up.

She whispered something in his ear and his expression went serious.

He whispered something back and Annabeth went to her seat.

“Triton, uh Pallas would be mentioned in this chapter.” Poseidon said

Triton’s expression went sad.

“Yeah okay.” Said Triton

“Uh dad, what’s going on?” asked Percy

“Well, Pallas was Triton’s daughter.” Poseidon muttered to Percy

Percy nodded and his expression turned serious.

He got up and sat next Triton which he appreciated.

Poseidon and Amphitrite gave a small smile

Annabeth started reading.

Chapter Text

SO ABOUT A MILLION PAGES AGO, I mentioned Zeus’s first wife...I get a headache trying to keep them straight.

“Feta Cheese.” Chortled the Stolls

Anyway, here’s a recap:

Last week on The Real Gods of Olympus:

“Nice name.” smiled Persephone

Metis was pregnant with Zeus’s child... He panicked and swallowed his pregnant wife whole.

Dun-dun!

“DUN - DUN!” yelled Leo, the Hermes gang and the Apollo gang

What happened next? Well, immortals can’t die, even when they’re ingested by other immortals, so Metis gave birth to her daughter right there in Zeus’s gut.

Nico, Jason and Leo grabbed their buckets.

(Feel free to get sick now… That was even grosser.

This time every demigod except Annabeth grabbed their buckets.

She was a strong young goddess, so she might have been able to break out of Zeus’s chest, but then everybody would think she was one of the monsters from the Alien movies.

“That would be creepy.” Said Demeter

And again, that was not the kind of entrance...Don’t tell him I said that.)

Hades and Poseidon roared with laughter.

Zeus glared at Percy.

“Well now I just found out.” Zeus said

As you can imagine, this gave Zeus a splitting headache..Hera and Demeter exchanged worried looks.

Everybody sniggered loudly.

“Uh, my husband?” Hera asked. “Everything…okay?” “Headache!” Zeus bellowed...which demolished the pancakes and the plate and put a crack in the table, but did nothing for his headache.

Everybody burst out laughing.

They would keep imagining Zeus’ head in the pancakes and start laughing again.

It took a good 10 minutes for them to calm down.

Suddenly Thalia, Jason and Zeus clutched their heads.

Annabeth continued reading quickly.

“Aspirin?” Apollo suggested. (He was the god of healing.) “Nice cup of tea?” Hestia suggested. “I could split your skull open,” offered Hephaestus, the blacksmith god.

“Nice one dad.” Grinned Leo and Beckendorf

“Hephaestus!” Hera cried. “Don’t talk to your father that way!”... Pain racked his body, and a voice in his head screamed: LET ME OUT! LET ME OUT!

Jason, Zeus and Thalia were shaking.

Zeus fell from his chair, writhing in agony...  marched up to Zeus, set the point of the awl in the middle of the sky god’s forehead, raised his hammer, and BANG!

“Wow dad.” Grinned Beckendorf and Leo

Thalia, Jason and Zeus were holding their heads

He used enough force to penetrate the skull without turning Zeus into a god-kebab... At any rate, the goddess made quite an entrance.

“I magically created it.” Said Athena

“Hello, everyone,” she said calmly. “I am Athena, goddess of warfare and wisdom.” Demeter passed out.

Everybody snickered.

Hera looked scandalized, since her husband...You can still be in charge of the stupid, bloody, ‘manly man’ aspects of war.”

“Wait what? He’s pretty good at strategies.” Said Clarisse, angrily

“Pride.” Chided Nico, imitating Athena

Athena glared viciously at him but then she got the medium Nico special death glare.

She stopped.

“Yeah that was the medium glare.” Said Percy 

Hephaestus sewed… (Yeah, he is a sweetheart, that guy.)

A few people snickered.

Aphrodite didn’t understand the sarcasm and said dreamily-

“Yeah he is violent at times but he is a sweetheart.”

Ares blushed.

Clarisse, Piper and Silena turned pale.

Athena’s sacred plant was the olive tree, since that was her big gift to the Athenians... like they couldn’t remember their own names?

Everybody chuckled.

Athena glared at Percy.

“These are my thoughts, at least I’m not telling them at your face.” Percy snapped

Snakes have never struck me as very smart, either... Hold that rattlesnake a little closer to your ear. He’s got something to tell you.

“Yeah, your death sentence.” Said Nico

Everybody burst out laughing.

“Nice one Neeks.” Choked out Will

Athena is easy… and don’t petrify anyone.

The laughter from Nico’s joke hadn’t stopped so it just increased.

One of the biggest… In no time, they became BFFs.

Triton looked down.

Percy put his hand on Triton’s shoulder which made him feel better.

Poseidon smiled at Percy.

Then one day, Athena and Pallas…Pallas crumpled to the ground.

“YOU-“ said an enraged voice

Everybody expected a reaction from Triton but he was crying at the time.

The person who said those three letters was Percy.

One hand was on Triton’s shoulder and the other one was clenched into a fist. His eyes were a little stormy.

Nico, Poseidon and Amphitrite were holding him down.

Percy pulled Triton in for a hug and Annabeth was hugging her mother.

After 5 minutes when both the pairs pulled apart, Annabeth continued reading.

Percy’s shirt was wet but he didn’t care.

Poseidon smiled proudly at Percy.

Nymphs are magical creatures...“I thought…I didn’t mean to…Oops.”

“So Athena was looking as intimidating as Typhoeus.” Stated Hermes, trying to lighten the tension.

It worked a little.

There were a couple of chuckles around the room.

Nico played along.

“Yeah, I wouldn’t be surprised.” He said

Percy continued.

“I remember once she gave me a lecture about dating Annabeth and she left my t-shirt a little scorched.” He chuckled.

This broke it.

Everybody started laughing lightly.

He disappeared and fled back to Olympus...The punishment for doing so was death.

“Yay.” Said Chris

The statue of Pallas looked so much like Athena that people began to call it the Pallas/Athena... but don’t ask her if you can book a room at the Palace Athena.

Everybody burst out laughing, even Triton was chuckling.

Athena was glaring at Percy.

“What? It sounds similar.” He shrugged.

Triton raised an amused eyebrow at Percy who winked at him.

“I have to say it might be good hotel. A place of relaxation for demigods and gods, book your rooms at reserve them now at Palace Athena. Sounds pretty good to me.” Said Percy

Everybody roared with laughter.

Athena was sputtering.

A few gods and demigods were rolling on the floor.

Poseidon and Hades were rolling on the couches.

Even Triton was laughing. He was pretty grateful to his half-brother for lightning the mood so much.

I can tell you from personal experience, she doesn’t think that’s funny.

“You actually called her that?” Annabeth fondly asked her boyfriend.

“Once, when I didn’t know.” Percy said sheepishly

Come to think of it…Athena doesn’t have a great sense of humor in general. The way she dealt with Arachne, for instance? Harsh.

All the demigods immediately stopped laughing.

The gods frowned at this reaction.

Arachne started life with no advantages at all...sort of the South Dakota of Ancient Greece. (Sorry, South Dakota.)

“No problem Percy.” Dakota grinned.

“I meant the place.” Percy grinned back

“I know.”

Arachne’s parents were lower-class wool dyers... Next time you’re in a boring chemistry lecture, check it out.

“You are supposed to listen to the lecture.” Growled Athena

“Have you tried that with ADHD and Dyslexia?” said Clarisse

Athena had no answer this time.

The cloth is made of threads—millions of them going up and down, back and forth...Curtains or sheets? Forget about it!

“Whoa.” Said Travis

And that’s if you just made… out like party favors.

“That’s nice.” Smiled Silena

That made her popular… What had they ever done for her?

The demigods looked down and shuffled their feet.

Arachne had built… She knew that mistakes happened.

“Wow so you want her to thank you for her skill despite the fact that you actually didn’t play a role there, she learnt it herself, all you did was invent it.” Growled Thalia, getting up from the Athena couch.

Athena glared very angrily at Thalia who ignored it.

“Why do you guys hate Athena so much?” asked Leto

“Well, it’ll come up in the books.” Shuffled Will

Leto smiled and nodded.

She took the shape…anyone else for my hard work!”

“Arachne has a point.” Said Nico

“Not all people give credit to Hermes if they find an answer on the internet.” Said Percy

Athena tried to keep her cool… fall on your face and grovel.

“Yeah we are the armed cockroaches.” Chuckled Nico

“None of us do that though.” Said Will

The crowd did…That’s enough trash talk.

Ares groaned and snapped away the popcorn he had conjured for him and his children.

“That was fun.” Agreed Lee

It’s time to weave…Ancient Greek television history.

“Alright bets everybody!” advertised Leo

Everybody put their bets.

Annabeth already knew what happened so she bet for a draw.

Percy bet for a draw too.

A few people for Athena and the others for Arachne.

Hermes bet for a draw too as did Apollo.

As it turned out… material to choose from.

The gods looked down awkwardly.

When the tapestries were done, the crowd was absolutely silent... “It’s a tie,” she said grudgingly. “

The ones who bet for draw whooped. They all earned a good amount of drachmas.

“Dinners on me.” Grinned Hermes

“Yeah we could go to the café down the street on Olympus itself.” Suggested Annabeth

Everybody nodded.

Your skill, your technique, your use of color... “Now, I beat the crud out of you for insulting the gods!”

“Be a good sport.” Snorted Poseidon

 WHACK! WHACK! WHACK!... calling her names and jeering as Athena hit her.

“That’s awful.” Said Hazel, in disgust

“Cruel.” Said Frank and Reyna

Everybody agreed with that.

Cruel? You bet. But if you ask me, that mob painted a picture of humans... Athena realized maybe she’d gone too far with the punishment.

“Yes but it just gets worse.” Said Jason

“Enough!” the goddess yelled…trying to kill herself.

“That’s horrible.” Said Zoe

“Foolish girl,” Athena said. She was overcome with pity, but she also hated suicide. It was a cowardly act. “I will not let you die.

“Yeah I’m gonna curse you so you kill my children.” Snarled Leo

You will live on, and weave forever.” She changed Arachne into a spider... Don’t give away free tapestries. I’ll let you decide.

“I’ll say all of them are good.” Smiled Artemis

Everybody chuckled.

Athena tore up the tapestries…Athena fled in humiliation

“Sometimes looks aren’t everything.” Said Silena

Aphrodite was scandalized.

All the demigods nodded.

“That’s right.” Said Apollo

The other gods and goddesses shuffled uncomfortably.

You would think, being the goddess of wisdom...“let the worst fortune befall him!”

“Are you serious?” asked Will, disgustedly

Eventually the flute…  “Like…another set of eyes?” Teiresias asked.

Everybody chuckled.

Athena managed a smile. “Sort of. From now on... I’d pitch over a cliff, or ram headfirst into a brick wall.

“A few of them might do that.” Said Dionysus

But apparently the arrangement worked out okay for Teiresias, and the birds took care of him. It also shows how Athena could calm down and moderate her punishments.

The demigods admitted there was a point in that.

The one thing she couldn’t stand, however... Grade-A Industrial-Strength Ugly with Extra Gross.

“Sorry.” Percy said, genuinely.

Hephaestus waved it off.

He tried in his own… Then she ran away.

“Man that’s sad.” Said Silena

“Yeah.” Agreed Piper

That should’ve been the end of the story... I will claim you as my own, and name you Erikthonius.”

“That sounds like the guy Demeter cursed.” Said Michael

“Yeah, they are pretty similar.” Said Lee, thoughtfully.

She gets one chance to name a kid… plummeting to their deaths.

“It’s quite possible.” Said Pollux, after thinking the possibilities.

As for the baby, he was fine, but the spell was broken... I’m pretty sure she didn’t spring from a dirty handkerchief.

“I assure you I’m didn’t.” Smiled Annabeth

Hmm. Actually, I’ve never asked her. Nah, forget it. I don’t want to know.

“You did ask me and second I’m a brain child.” Annabeth grinned

“Between chapter’s over.” She added.

“Who is the next chapter about?” asked Nico

“Aphrodite.”

“I’ll read then.” Said Silena

Annabeth gave her the book.

Silena started reading eagerly.

Chapter Text

“Aww thank you Percy.” Said Aphrodite

NO, SERIOUSLY. That’s an order...And I mean she literally crawled out of the sea.

“Percy…” Aphrodite started.

“Oh no, I’m sorry Lady Aphrodite, I am in my first stable relationship, please I don’t want any more love triangles or any drama whatsoever.” Percy said

Everybody looked at Percy.

Aphrodite’s bad mood went away in one second.

Annabeth blushed.

Aphrodite gave Percy a thumbs up.

Percy exhaled in relief.

Aphrodite didn’t have parents…freak them out.

“Yeah they were pretty freaked.” Said Poseidon

Aphrodite rose from the sea…forgot everything else.

Aphrodite grinned.

Ares had a dreamy look in his eyes.

They saw Aphrodite walking toward them and completely forgot everything else... She just wanted to hear them say it.

A few people snickered.

“Dazzling!” said Spring. “We should take you to meet the Olympian gods... freaking gorgeous and you’re making the rest of us feel bad!

Aphrodite giggled.

Instead she said, “If you appear like that, you’ll drive the gods insane with desire. I mean…they will literally go insane.” “Oh.” Aphrodite pouted. “But I didn’t bring a thing to wear.”

Piper looked a little green and Ares was slowly turning red.

Clarisse leant behind her father’s back and Piper behind her mother’s

They both exchanged identical gag motions which everybody except Ares and Aphrodite could see.

They all muffled their laughter.

Frank, Nico, Hermes and Apollo put fists in their mouth.

The Horai took care of that. They summoned up some magical clothing and had a fashion show... what happened when Aphrodite showed up.

“Let me guess, the girls didn’t like her and the guys were drooling.” Said Nico, calmly

Silena read the next sentences.

“Dead on.” She said

“Pun intended.” She added.

Everybody burst out laughing.

“Nice one dear.” Said Beckendorf

The women were immediately, like: I hate her. The guys fell all over themselves, tripping on their tongues and trying not to drool.

Nico smirked.

“It would be my honor to marry you,” said Apollo, god of poetry and archery. “No, my honor!” barked Ares, god of war. “My honor!” yelled Poseidon.

“You’re already married!” exclaimed Amphitrite and Triton

“You’re already married,” Zeus snapped. “It would be my honor.” “You’re already married!” Hera protested. “To me!” “Curses!” said Zeus.

Thalia chortled.

“That’s right dad.”

Hera scowled again.

Er, I mean, of course, dear.” The gods argued and shoved each other and offered Aphrodite various gifts... a bunch of horses, and a set of his-and-hers matching tridents.

Everybody face-palmed.

“You know I just have to say this but uncle you have one hell of a wife.” Said Jason

“Yeah, she’s one awesome step-mom.” Grinned Percy

“Yeah, Percy hasn’t been turned into anything, I was turned into a freaking dandelion for entertainment purposes.” Protested Nico

“Dude do you want me to be turned into sea bass?” Grinned Percy

“I absolutely agree, I mean which other married would be really sweet to their husband’s demigod children and his nieces and nephews especially agree to be their adopted step-mom.” Said Thalia

Poseidon chuckled.

“I know that guys, that was Aphrodite’s aura.” He said

“We know we were just saying.” Shrugged Nico

“I mean not that I’m saying mom isn’t great but Amphitrite’s cool too.” Percy said

Apollo made up some bad haiku in her honor and vowed to give Aphrodite free archery lessons. Ares offered to take her on a romantic chariot ride over the crushed lifeless bodies of his foes.

“That’s so romantic.” Said Zoe, voice dripping with sarcasm.

Everybody looked at her.

“Zoe can be sarcastic.” Cheered Thalia, Percy and Grover

The entire Olympian council…run away ASAP.

“Oh I totally agree.” Said Jason

She raised her arms and yelled, “SILENCE!” The gods were so startled... I’m sure my husband Lord Zeus will support my decision…with force, if necessary.”

Everybody sniggered

“I will?” Zeus said… whiskers of his beard.

The Hephaestus kids glared at Ares who winced a little.

“They’re perfect together,” Hera said... “Oh! No, indeed, my dear. You’re absolutely right.”

Hera gave a light poke to the back of Zeus’ head which made everybody laugh.

Athena stood, her gray eyes gleaming…  HAHAHAHAHA.

Everybody muffled their extremely loud laughter rand somehow managed.

No.

A few people’s chuckles left them this time.

Aphrodite stayed away from her husband as much as possible... helping them discover the joys of love!

Piper snickered.

Aphrodite took her place…you fall in love with anyone.

Nico scowled at the mention of Eros.

If Aphrodite likes you, she might cause you to fall for somebody attractive and nice...She thought that was the best fun ever.

Piper tried her best not to glare at her mother.

If you’ve ever had a crush on somebody who didn’t notice you... just like her. (Insert gagging sound here.)

Leo made it under his breath so only Beckendorf could hear him who had to try not to snicker.

She had dozens of other sacred plants and animals and stuff...feeling lovey-dovey as you shred romaine lettuce, now you’ll know why.

Everybody burst out laughing.

Aphrodite’s sacred stone was the pearl, since it comes from the sea...Then she’d probably curse me, and I’d end up engaged to a ’72 Impala or something.

“Fair point.” Said Nico

This time everybody burst out laughing.

The demigods who had partners tried their best not to.

Aphrodite was a popular goddess… looked like a kindergarten project.)

A few snickers.

Anyway, Hera once asked to borrow it, which took guts... “Of course, my wonderful mother-in-law!

Thalia and Annabeth snorted.

“Sweet, my foot.”

“Well sometimes you just got to say stuff.” Said Aphrodite.

After everything you’ve… looking…matronly.”

The demigods silently cheered for Aphrodite.

Hera gritted her teeth. “Yes, well…the belt?”... The way the poet Homer put it, she “beguiled his brain.”

Zeus got a dreamy look.

Thalia noticed this and so did Annabeth.

Annabeth passed her friend the bucket which she found very useful.

Personally, I don’t like having my brain beguiled…Don’t accept any gifts from the gods!”

“He is very intelligent.” Said Rhea

“Frosties?” Epimetheus said. “I like frosties.”… Premium sports channels.

“That’s cool.” Said Travis

Hermes chuckled and ruffled his son’s hair.

“I’m sure Hephaestus can make a monster-proof one.’

Hephaestus nodded.

He would have a lot of stuff to build though.

Epimetheus turned him away. Zeus became so exasperated he complained to the other gods... unleash misery and death on the human race! Is that too much to ask?

“Yes” chorused the demigods.

But he’s so stubborn…Zeus figured her plan must be good.