Archive of Our Own

"What? Are you telling me.... you like Hyunjoo in that way?" 

Their eyes were widened in shock and disgust.

Shinwoo cluelessly nodded his head, having no idea why his friends threw him such look. What was so wrong for liking someone? Hyunjoo was one of his classmates, a quiet and kind hearted boy.

Boy.

Right, that was what making this complicated. Wrong.

"You shouldn't like another boy, weirdo." One of the friends faked a puke while another friend shouted to the said Hyunjoo who was sitting quietly doing his work at his table, front row of the class.

"Hey, Hyunjoo! Wanna know something? Shinwoo likes you more than just friend! He's probably gonna kiss you after this!" 

It sounded creepily sarcastic. Shinwoo hated this. He hated that surprise and disgust look on Hyunjoo's face. That boy was a kind hearted person, yet he had that expression and Shinwoo was the reason. He felt bad. He hated himself. 

"S-Shut up!!! I w-won't-- I won't do that to him!!" He shouted back at them and ran out from the classroom. 

Since that day, he knew that it wasn't something you could tell people. He shouldn't like someone with a same gender. 

Or they would laugh and call you gross, creepy and weird.

"That's right. I can still like girls though. Then, there'll be no problem." 

At least, that was what he thought and told himself. However, the next few years when he was in first year of high school, he fell in love with a guy again and fortunately unfortunately, he loved him back. 

"You feel the same way too, right? This feeling is mutual, I know." That guy named Minseok, smirked in confidence. As much as Shinwoo wanted to admit his feeling too, he was more worried of the aftermath. What if people find out? Minseok would end up hurting as well. He didn't want that to happen.

"No, I- I don't feel the same--" 

"Why are you keep insisting? You don't like me? For real?" 

"I.. I don't.. know." 

Minseok who was older than Shinwoo by a year sighed and folded his arms across his chest. "Is it because I'm a guy, that's why you're confused?" 

Was that the reason? No. He wasn't confused. He was sure about this feeling towards Minseok, but he was scared to let it out. He didn't want people to look at them in strange way. He wanted to protect the person he loved. Minseok shouldn't receive any hate because of him. The flashback of Hyunjoo's expression upon knowing about his feeling slipped into Shinwoo's head again. 

Hurting the person he liked was never in the list. That was the worst. He should stop this before things get out of hand. Then, he took a deep inhale before bringing his firm gaze to Minseok who was still standing infront of him. 

"No. I don't like you the same way, sorry if I give you the wrong idea."

"Really?" Minseok looked hurt. But this was better than being hurt by countless people later, was what Shinwoo thought. It was okay to hurt Minseok now.

"Yes." 

".... Fine. I guess, no one even want to love me anyway." Minseok scoffed sadly. "Just so you know, this won't change anything. I'm still in love with you." He said before leaving the spot and going back into his class. Shinwoo let out a heavy sigh. For the first time, his feeling was reciprocated but this was how it ended. 

He never thought that was the last time he got to see Minseok because the next two days, that senior didn't even come to school. Shinwoo thought it was just a heartbreak phase. But then, a news began to spread everywhere among students. 

"Hey, Shinwoo. Have you heard the news about one of our seniors passed away from committing suicide? What's his name again... uh, Goo Minseok?" 

Shinwoo snapped his head up from the book he was reading to his friend's face. Goo Minseok? Passed away? They just talked to each other two days ago. 

"I heard that he had some family problem and was being abandoned by his own parents since they got divorce. Lack of love, I guess. His mom found him inside his room that morning, lifeless on the floor and sleeping pills were scattering everywhere."

Lack of love..? Minseok's last words still clear inside Shinwoo's head. 'No one even want to love me anyway.'

Shinwoo got up from his seat and ran out from class, headed to washroom. He locked himself in one of the cubicles and cried his heart out. "N-No. No. You're wrong, hyung. I- I love you. I love you so much. Hyung, I'm sorry. I love you. I'm sorry for not telling the truth. I was just trying to protect you." He crouched down and sobbed hardly into his trembling palm.

This second time of falling in love, he learned something new again. Time wouldn't wait for us. Say it, express it, treasure every moment. So, there would be no regret left, at the end of the day.

"Shinwoo? Shinwoo."

Someone is calling his name. This familiar soft voice from distance sounds closer and clearer. 

"Shinwoo!" 

He snaps his eyes open as the voice gets louder. His chest is rising up and down as he is panting. He is lying down on his bed and the person hovering above him right now is his boyfriend, Woo Taekyung who seems so worried. 

"Y-You scared me!" 

"What... happened?" 

"You was crying in your sleep. I- I thought you were in pain. I tried to wake you up but you didn't listen to me. I was so worried, Shinwoo. Did you have a nightmare or something? You look pale." Taekyung almost breaks into tears himself. His palm is cupping Shinwoo's cheek and his thumb is gently wiping off the wet eyelid. He looks so sad and concern.

Then, Shinwoo reaches up his arms and holds Taekyung's nape before carefully pulling him down for a hug. 

"It just a stupid nightmare. Don't worry. Did I scare you?" 

Taekyung nods and whimpers sadly against his boyfriend's shoulder. The clock on their bedside table reads 7pm, Shinwoo fell asleep right after he came back from his university few hours ago. Today has been a long tiring day for him.

"I'm so sorry."

"It's fine. How do you feel now?" 

"Better after seeing you."

"Okay, that's good."

"Stay here with me a bit longer."

"Sure." 

They stay quiet in each other's arms, exchanging warmth and comfort which Shinwoo very much appreciates it. Taekyung's presence is all he really needs right now, especially after that nightmare. The thought of loosing another beloved person scared him a lot. He shuts his eyes and breathes in Taekyung's scent. This sweet smell brings him comfort...

...until a foreign scent greets his nostrils. A bitter one. This smells like... 

"Taekyung, I didn't mean to ruin our moment but.. are you cooking something in the kitchen?" 

The brown haired guy gasps loudly and pulls back from the hug. "Holy crap! Our dinner!!" 

Shinwoo helplessly smiles at his careless boyfriend, still clumsy as ever. Taekyung leaves their bedroom and runs back to the kitchen. He loudly whines and grumbles about how his precious cute eggs are looking like feces now. Shinwoo snickers quietly as he can listen to it from the bedroom.

Taekyung poutily nags himself for being so careless. They have been sharing this apartment and living together for a year now and he wishes to do something for Shinwoo too instead of the one on the receiving end all the time. Shinwoo is a good cook and he's in charge of cooking while Taekyung does the cleaning. But lately, Shinwoo seems so busy with class and study, he gets too tired the moment he arrives home. So, Taekyung thinks of taking the chef role for few days. 

"Yet here I am, nearly set the kitchen on fire. I can't even cook a proper egg." He sighs sadly while washing the pan he used to fry burn the eggs just now. "Useless bitch. I wish I can be a bit useful for Shinwoo." He mutters again before flinching in surprise when a pair of arm sneaks from behind and wraps around his waist for a backhug.

"What are you talking to yourself about?" Shinwoo presses a soft kiss on the skin behind Taekyung's ear. Despite his cold personality and the tsundere type he is, he is quite affectionate and likes doing skinship. Taekyung doesn't mind at all because he likes it too. "Don't call yourself that. Your presence itself is already so useful to me." He continues.

Taekyung let out a low sigh, his hand slide up to intertwine Shinwoo's one against his stomach. "Don't you think you're just being too grateful for everything? You deserve more. I want to spoil you too just like how you keep spoiling me."

Shinwoo hums, as if thinking of something. Then, he places a kiss on Taekyung's shoulder. "Okay, if you want to spoil me then, stay by my side for a very long time."

"What?" The pretty male in yellow shirt turns around in the strong pair of arms and furrows his eyebrows in disapproval. Now both of them are facing each other. "Just that is enough?"

"Just that is enough." The other male in grey hoodie replies and smiles calmly. He brings up his thumb to caresses Taekyung's cheek that slowly turns pink under the heat. Despite has been dating for years, he is still so shy whenever Shinwoo shows too much affection like this.

Their eyes meet each other, not in lust way, just innocence and longing way. The next seconds, Shinwoo takes the next move and leans closer to press their lips together. Taekyung gasps lowly but kisses him back, everything is innocent at this moment. Taekyung always tastes sweet and Shinwoo likes it. That's one of the reasons he quit smoking, because Taekyung keep complaining that his lips tastes like cigarette when they kiss. He received a great help from his boyfriend while trying to quit the bad habit last year. Taekyung felt really appreciated and loved when Shinwoo was willing to stop for him. His hands are placed on Shinwoo's broader shoulders now while Shinwoo's arms are still securing around his waist. They break the kiss many seconds later, yet remain their foreheads connected against one another. 

"I have no idea what kind of nightmare bothered you earlier. But I want you to know that I'll be here for you. I'll try to always be the first thing you see the moment you wake up from those dreams. You hear me?" Taekyung says in whisper tone. His hands are cradling Shinwoo's face. 

"Yes." The taller male replies in a same tone. Only God knows how much he loves this person infront of him. And this time, he will keep saying it again and again. He wants to remind Taekyung every day, if possible, every single second of his life. He wants to say these words while they're still alive, so there will be no regret when they don't anymore. "Taekyung, I love you."

A soft smile appears beautifully on Taekyung's face upon hearing that. This isn't the first time Shinwoo says it to him though, but he loves how it sounds every time he does.

"I love you so much. So damn much. Baby, I love you more than anything and anyone in this world."

Oh. That pet name. Shinwoo being the tsundere he is, very rarely calls him by pet name. It usually Taekyung who uses such names and most of the time just to tease Shinwoo and enjoy his red blushing ears.

Taekyung can't handle this anymore. He likes the pet name a bit too much that he puts aside all the hesitancy and shyness inside him and leans forward to capture Shinwoo's lips for their second kiss tonight. He can sense his boyfriend's smile against his lips. "I love you so much too, honey." He whispers between the kiss. "Yesterday, today, and probably tomorrow, I'll continue staying here by your side... Noh Shinwoo. By your side."

Those words are such a great reassurance and it manages to wash away all the anxiety inside Shinwoo. Later, they break the kiss and hug each other in a comforting silence. Taekyung has his head rests against the crook of Shinwoo's neck, he smiles when the heartbeat beneath his palm begins to beat steadily again. He wants Shinwoo to stop worrying about so much things, such as the uncertain future. He wants him to focus more on what he's having in the present and cherish every moment they're sharing together right now. His thought was being interrupted when Shinwoo breaks the long silence.

"Now... what are we going to do about dinner?"

Taekyung rolls his eyes and pulls back from the embrace. "Noh Shinwoo sure knows how to ruin the perfect mood."

"Sorry." The other male mumbles poutily. He can be so adorable at times. The side that he only shows to Taekyung; his special person. "I- I'm just hungry." He hasn't eaten anything yet since lunch because of his tight schedule.

"Shall we order chicken and pizza?"

"Oh, that sounds good. Let me make the call--"

"No, no. I'll do it. You just have to sit still in living room, I'm gonna spoil you a lot tonight."

Shinwoo scoffs but obeys his boyfriend's words nonetheless. "Fine." He steals a quick peck on Taekyung's cheek.

(end)

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