Work Text:
Blaine's heart is soaring though still hurting at the same time.
"You still love him. You never stopped."
The pain on his now-ex-boyfriend's face replays in Blaine's head as he drives to McKinley, even if he knows Dave is right.
Kurt's always been the one, even when Blaine convinced himself that he wasn't.
He told himself they were just friends after Kurt smiled at him as they did homework together at Dalton.
He told himself Kurt didn't love him anymore when he felt lonelier and lonelier at McKinley and Kurt slipped away to text another boy during Blaine's junior year.
Then Kurt slipped away for real, to New York and lifelong dreams.
Blaine screwed up that time and though Kurt miraculously came back into his bed and his heart, it still wasn't enough.
Kurt couldn't love him the way he needed.
So Blaine thought he had moved on but the truth has always stared him in the face.
Kurt is the one, even when Blaine desperately wants him not to be.
No, he doesn't love Dave, not in the same vein as Kurt (God, it feels like an insult to even put them in the same thought together), but that doesn't mean he wants to see the man hurt, or that he wants to crawl back to his parents explaining another failed relationship.
Maybe it will all be okay, however, if he tells the truth to Kurt now instead of hiding behind the lie that they could remain friends. Blaine almost laughs at the notion that he could be satisfied just with Kurt's friendship as he runs through a red light on his way back to McKinley and to Kurt.
He thinks about their kiss at Rachel's party again, a pang of guilt hitting him for letting himself get swept up in the moment and becoming a cheater yet again.
But then a thrill surges through him because it felt exactly right, rushing back to the familiar taste of Kurt's mouth. Since returning to Ohio, he never felt more at home, except maybe in the makeshift elevator when he was filled with warmth and want.
Blaine knows it's not only the taste of Kurt he wants, however; it's the companionship too.
It's waking up and knowing Kurt will be next to him. It's ordering their favorite takeout and eating it on the couch in front of a Real Housewives marathon. It's rolling his eyes when Kurt leaves a wet towel on the floor for the hundredth time. It's making up with cuddles when they're too exhausted to fight anymore.
He wants the lust, friendship, the love, and even the inevitable fights.
Blaine wants all of it forever.
So he pulls into a free parking space at McKinley and hopes he chooses to say something along those lines when he finally sees Kurt.
He pauses long enough to notice that the car that Kurt's been driving since he came back to Lima, a loaner from Hummel Tires and Lube, is still sitting in the mostly empty lot.
He's still here, Blaine thinks with a smile, and allows himself the notion that maybe Kurt is still in this town because of him, even if that may be mostly untrue.
He remembers Kurt's stunned and beautiful face right before he ran away from Rachel's yard.
Nope, Kurt couldn't be staying solely to help his alma mater.
There is something still between them and Blaine can no longer deny it.
With any luck, Kurt won't be able to either.
If Blaine just stayed and explained his feelings that night instead of running, the way he always does, maybe he wouldn't be in this situation now.
Maybe he would have continued kissing Kurt.
He resolves to do exactly that the moment he sees him, words be damned. There would be plenty of time for words after they catch their breath.
First Blaine has to race down the hallway, his pulse quickening as he realizes how true and yet how utterly incorrect his first heartfelt speech to Kurt really was.
Yes, there is a moment, but maybe there isn't just one moment when one realizes they've found what they're looking for forever; maybe these epiphanies need to happen over and over again throughout the years until one's mind, heart, and the rest of one's body is certain.
With that thought, Blaine wrenches the choir room door open, only for his heart to sink to the ground again.
Kurt is with a much older man, who he thinks might be the guy from that blind date that Kurt mentioned almost a month ago.
He seems like a gentleman, so Blaine sighs and makes up a lie.
Then he watches Rachel and Sam leave, along with Kurt and his companion (whose name he can't even think right now).
As Kurt looks back, it feels like Blaine's past, present and future are slipping out of view once more.
Now there's no safety net, no Dave or even an Eli to fall back on.
Sure, if Blaine searched hard enough, he could definitely find the latter, but he bitterly thinks that that's how he ended up in this mess.
It's how he lost Kurt the first time and how he lost him again when Kurt returned to Lima and was willing to get back together, despite their problems.
Blaine's learned enough to know that companionship that isn't Kurt could never suffice on a physical or emotional level though.
Thus Blaine hangs his head and waits until he's sure Kurt and everyone else is gone. Then he shuffles back to his car, hopeless, alone, and debating his next move.
With every big moment that Blaine has put his heart on the line, Kurt had always been there with a resounding "yes."
Blaine can't help but painfully recall a couple of times that stand out:
"We should--we should practice," Blaine said, his face flush and his lips tingling.
"I thought we were," Kurt grinned and Blaine dove back in.
---
"Kurt Hummel, my amazing friend, my one true love, will you marry me?"
"Yeah. Yes." He tearfully nodded before Blaine slipped the ring on his finger and their mouths met, practiced and familiar.
Now, tears of a different kind flood Blaine's eyes and he sits in his car, hoping he can regain enough control to see clearly and drive home.
He's not really not sure where home is anymore though.
It's evaporated into nothing as Blaine realizes it's not a place but a person that he belongs to.
It's Kurt, and he's gone.