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Jeno was way too drunk to know what time it was exactly.
The flashing neon purple and red colored lights blinded him as he made his way into the crowded space.
After a few seconds (and lots of struggle) Jeno finally managed to reencounter with his friends, all sloppily dancing in the corner of the dance floor, most of them holding the same kind of radiant blue drink in their hands.
As he dived deeper into the loud crowd, a familiar song blasted on the speakers. Definitely way too loud, considering how sensitive to sound Jeno gets when he’s wasted. He couldn’t quite seem to remember the name, only that he’d heard it before once or twice. The melody made his head pound.
Asides from the song, Jeno could only hear distant chatter, fading more and more second after second, and screams of random folks, all trying to understand each other mid madness.
When Jeno saw him, it all came to an abrupt end.
I saw you dancing in a crowded room
Jaemin. Jaemin Na.
Naturally, he stood out. Dancing sensually, grinning teasingly at someone he didn’t recognize.
It was suddenly quiet. Jeno couldn’t see anyone else but Jaemin. He was all he saw, all he thought about, all he felt. Just him, not anything or anyone. Just… him. Though it wasn’t Jeno’s place to, he couldn’t help but feel his blood boil in jealousy. The whole “Na Jaemin situation” was by far the most painful breakup he’d ever had, and the most recent one too. Not that it was extremely recent— it’d been a year, almost two, since the two of them broke up. It was the fact that none of the people he met after succeeded in earning an important role in his life. No, at least not in any romantic way, shape or form whatsoever.
Not that Jeno wanted them to have one. After all, at the end of the day, he knew they would never compare to Jaemin.
You look so happy when I’m not with you
His legs had stopped moving for, what, minutes now. And so he stood there, and stayed. Frozen in place.
Jeno suddenly felt dizzy. Mayhaps it was the overwhelming wave of emotions that hit him, or it was the alcohol, or the music ringing painfully in his ears. It might’ve been the weight of all his bottled up emotions finally crashing down on him. And, fuck, it hurt. It all hurt like hell— an unimaginable amount of pain, both emotionally and physically. Despite all, he couldn’t bring himself to look away from the dancing man, as much as he wanted to, he simply couldn’t.
Jaemin looked so... happy.
That’s it. As simple as it is, the man looked happy. There was genuine happiness, genuine joy in his eyes.
Jeno’s eyes were locked in his figure— Jaemin had slicked back black hair— which was particularly surprising to Jeno, considering Jaemin had blonde hair the last time he’d even heard of him—with some strands falling on his forehead. It looked neat, not too formal, not too casual. Perfect, as always. Asides that, he was wearing a white shirt, one that was tucked into some ripped black jeans, and, fuck, did he look good. Bare minimum, and he still managed to look breathtaking.
Jeno realized he’d been staring for way too long when Jaemin himself looks at him in what could only be pure shock. Eyes open wide in disbelief, eyebrows furrowed with confusion. He’d stopped dancing, the people around him stealing glances every so often at the still man in the middle of a violent crowd.
For a second, Jeno could’ve sworn he spotted a glistening tear, running down his cheek, falling down his chin.
But then you saw me, caught you by surprise A single teardrop falling from your eye
His breath hitched.
And, without thinking twice, he ran away.
Like the last time, Jeno ran. He ran away just like before, he ran away when he’d promised not to, and he ran away now.
And Jaemin didn’t run after him. No, no, Jeno knows for a fact he didn’t. Because he never did. He never did, he never will. Once again, he just let Jeno go. Just like that.
The music becomes quieter and quieter as he once again runs through the crowd, tears fogging his vision and his heart tightening in his chest.
I don’t know why I run away
I’ll make you cry when I run away
As he slowly sits down, with his back dragging dramatically on the wall, the extremely recent memory of that one tear falling down Jaemin’s cheek repeats over and over in his head. Just like when they were together, it was always only one, single, lonely tear. The difference is, this time, this one time, Jeno couldn’t cup the man’s cheek and kiss it away. This time, he couldn’t do anything. It was something Jaemin had to face alone— and that made him physically want to throw up. Yes, he knew Jaemin was strong enough to deal with his problems on his own, but why, and God, please tell me, why does he want to run back there? Why, why does Jeno want to run there, why does he want to embrace Jaemin as tight as possible, and why does he want to never, ever let go, when he has no right to?
But he won’t, he won’t come back, and he hates himself. Jeno hates himself so fucking much for the possibility of ruining Jaemin’s night, for the certainty of ruining whatever it was that they once had. He hated himself for running away and for many, many other things, all to which he just wasn’t brave enough to admit to.
Take me back ‘cause I wanna stay
And of course, what seemed like never-ending tears rolled down his face. He’d never felt so pathetic, sitting on what seemed like a vacant alley with his head on hands. Seemed like.
And, after what seemed like eternity, a voice called out to him.
Save your tears for another
”Jeno?”
A voice he knew all too well.
Save your tears for another day