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Wise men say
Only fools rush in
But I can’t help falling in love with you.
Hatred had been Shinobu’s constant companion for so long, it was always easy to recognize the stirrings of other emotions within herself. Though it was like a reprieve in her heart, her conscience rebelled against the warmer thoughts that threatened her vigilant mourning.
Yet, she could never find it within herself to feel guilty around Mitsuri.
The other woman had an effect on Shinobu that she’d sooner take to the grave than admit it out loud. She’d seen the way Obanai looked at Mitsuri, and she’d seen how Mitsuri looked back.
It was not her place to come between them much as she wanted to.
But if she let herself bask in the warmth of Mitsuri’s smile and laughter a little longer than was appropriate, then no one had to know but herself.
Shinobu was content to watch from afar, to absorb the love Mitsuri always shared so freely. She was satisfied with the pieces for she knew she would never receive the whole.
This is what Shinobu told herself every night.
And every morning it became harder and harder to believe.
The first time she recognized the warmth in her heart for what it was she had just returned from a mission. The Butterfly Mansion was always a welcome sight after trekking through miles and miles of unpaved forests covered in demon blood, and Shinobu wished for nothing more than the steam of a hot bath and the comfort of a belly full of fresh food.
She had no sooner passed through the gates that surrounded the property when she was stopped by the sight of pink hair and an arcing sword threading through the air.
Shinobu paused to admire the sight of Mitsuri training.
It wasn’t the first time she’d returned to the Butterfly Mansion to find a fellow pillar training in the gardens, but it was rare to find Mitsuri alone.
Shinobu liked Mitsuri. As the only other woman among the hashira, Shinobu felt a kinship with the older slayer. Although they were only a year apart in age, Mitsuri’s constant positivity and affection awoke a certain level of protective instincts in Shinobu that she hadn’t felt since Kanae’s death.
She could admit there was a level of… fondness in her chest.
And Mitsuri’s swordsmanship was truly admirable.
Mitsuri seemed to fly through the air where Shinobu usually floated. Like an arc of light refracted through the thinnest sheet of ice, Mitsuri used the lightness of her body to soar. Her limbs twisted, flitting out almost too quickly to see as her whip-like sword flashed and warped. Leaves, a shade darker than the tips of Mitsuri’s hair, rained down as she severed just the bracts of the wisteria flowers in the trees. Her precision was admirable, and the control she wielded over that unusual weapon was worthy of awe.
She was lovely.
Shinobu was staring.
She must have moved at some point, fidgeted with the unfamiliar feelings in her chest, because Mitsuri stopped her training and skipped up to her.
“Shinobu!” She sounded so happy to see her.
“I didn’t mean to interrupt you.” Shinobu gave her a soft smile, more genuine than the ones she usually wore around company.
“Of course you’re not interrupting! This is your home, after all. And I always love getting to see you!”
Shinobu chose to ignore the casual use of the word love even as it made something inside her thud erratically. “Have you just returned from a mission?”
“A week ago. I only received a few scrapes and bruises, but I’ll always take the chance to come and relax here!” Mitsuri paused to study Shinobu’s less than put together state. “But you must have recently finished one yourself. Was it difficult?”
“Not at all.” Shinobu reassured her, smile fixed firmly in place. It rarely slipped these days. “Just a weak little thing harassing a small village a few days from here. It was the journey there and back that took the most effort.”
Mitsuri nodded solemnly. “I wish I could get the chance to go on a mission with you. Your slaying style is so lovely. I’d love to have a chance to see you in action more often!”
Though Shinobu’s facade had solidified with years of constant use, she always seemed to find herself battling to keep from abandoning it whenever Mitsuri was near. She wanted to reach out and touch Mitsuri’s cheek, flushed from her inherent joy and the exertion of her training. She wanted to invite Mitsuri to dine with her, though she couldn’t have explained why at the time. The feelings were too new and Shinobu had no name for them yet.
Instead, she said, “Perhaps next time.”
“Promise?” Mitsuri clasped her hands together, eagerness writing her emotions across her face as clearly as ink on paper.
“Well, I can hardly promise anything. But next time I speak to the master, I can ask him to consider the two of us for the next high level mission.”
Instead of the disappointment Shinobu had expected from her hesitant committal, Mitsuri laughed in delight.
“I can’t wait!”
Mitsuri returned to her training and Shinobu was left on the path just inside the gates, a curl of a petal unfurling in her heart.
The sun was only a few hours from setting, and the weather was just on the cusp of turning into a chilly autumn, but Shinobu felt inexplicably warm. She remained there another few moments, curtained by the shower of wisteria leaves and hazy, late summer air.
Just an instant, she promised herself. She would let herself enjoy this strange, painfully good feeling for an instant longer. Then she would go inside.
She did not question why that feeling centered on Mitsuri filling the whole of her vision, or why it wasn’t the sweetness of the wisteria flowers that suffused her senses.
Shinobu continued down the path towards the mansion, the taste of roses sitting misplaced on her tongue.
Shall I stay?
Would it be a sin
If I can’t help falling in love with you?
It was only a few weeks later that Mitsuri found Shinobu again at the Butterfly Mansion once more.
Shinobu was sitting on the engawa outside of her rooms, her personal garden splayed out in front of her. A charonda butterfly flitted by, dark in the fading evening light. It wouldn’t be long until the sun set fully and the shadows reached her.
She had been sipping at a cup of rapidly cooling tea, enjoying the lukewarm air and the silence save for the distant cicadas. Their humming broke up the monotony and provided a faraway focus to keep her grounded.
The sound of light footsteps approaching made her alert but Shinobu did not turn.
Mitsuri sat down quietly, a happy sigh escaping her lips. She didn’t say anything for a moment and Shinobu was content to simply share the night with her.
“I hope I’m not intruding.”
Shinobu did turn to look this time. “Why would you say that?”
“You seemed to enjoy the solitude.”
Shinobu glanced back over the shadowy garden. “I do like being alone. But I also enjoy your presence.” She refused to peek at Mitsuri again, to see the pink flush she knew would adorn the other woman’s cheeks. Mitsuri always blushed at the simplest compliments.
“If you’re certain.” They were quiet a moment longer.
At the first flash of light, Shinobu heard a delighted sound come from Mitsuri.
Shinobu glanced sidelong at her, eyebrow raised in question.
“Fireflies!” Mitsuri pointed. An excited grin stole across her face and Shinobu’s breath caught in her throat. “I rarely get to see them so late in the year.”
To punctuate her sentence, another glint of golden light flared in front of them. Several more of the insects had begun to congregate around the bushes and flowers only a few paces from where the two women sat.
“They’re like fireworks!”
“Not quite as noisy, thankfully.” Shinobu felt her own lips quirk upwards in response to Mitsuri’s obvious delight.
“But just as wonderful, I think.” Mitsuri countered and then turned that blinding smile onto Shinobu who had to look away.
Why do you always look so happy around me? Why are you always so pleased with anything I say? The words felt bitter in her heart, but Shinobu couldn’t shake the irritating thread of hope that hung on their ends. She has Obanai. Mitsuri will never… She couldn’t finish the thought.
The warm lights that blinked on and off in front of them twisted the shadows on Mitsuri’s face, though the brightness of her eyes and the softness in her cheeks made the darkness into a tempting one. It seemed not even the nighttime could fully extinguish the radiance she carried within herself.
“In an ocean of stars a firefly might drown, but in the land of the living she is light itself.” Mitsuri spoke again.
Shinobu turned to face her fully.
Mitsuri met her gaze and her smile softened. “It’s something my mother once said to me. I don’t think I made her very proud, but it’s one of the few good memories I have from when I was younger and it’s always stayed with me.”
“What does it mean?”
There was another moment of silence as Mitsuri contemplated her answer. “I think it means that we should always remember where we are, and to never forget that we often have more to give than we ourselves can see.”
It was a sweet sentiment, if overly poetic. But then again, so was Mitsuri.
“Then you must be the firefly, hm?” Shinobu cracked a small grin. It felt strange on her face compared to the close lipped smiles she wore like lip paint.
Mitsuri flushed a charming shade of red. “I’m not so sure about that! I’m not nearly so special as that! Compared to the rest of the pillars, compared to you, I’m so childish and lacking. I wish I was more like you! You always seem so self-assured and confident.”
Shinobu thought back to her rage and the constant agony that never seemed to fade no matter how much time passed. “You’re looking at the ocean of stars.” Shinobu murmured.
The gaping look on Mitsuri’s face had a giggle slipping out despite Shinobu’s efforts to hold it in.
“I’m saying you should listen to your own words. Don’t compare yourself to the rest of us or you’ll never be satisfied. If I spent all my time envying Himejima or Tengen’s height, I’d be too busy to fight demons.”
Mitsuri let out a loud cackle. “You are pretty short!” Her eyes went wide and she blanched. “I mean, not that that’s a bad thing! Your height makes you seem really dainty and cute! I mean, I don’t mean that you’re weak. You’re so strong!” Her eyes scrunched closed as Mitsuri grabbed at her own hair in frustration. “What I mean is that you’re perfect the way you are!” The flush was still high on her cheekbones and Shinobu caught herself before she could reach out to trace a finger across that rosy color.
Instead, she smiled. It was both a reassurance for Mitsuri and a shield for herself. “You’re very kind.”
“I mean it.” Mitsuri fixed her with a serious look. “I think you’re really impressive, Shinobu.”
There was nothing she could think of to respond to that.
At Shinobu’s stunned silence, Mitsuri’s grin fell back into place and she looked back out over the garden. “You’re a firefly too.”
There was an aching need to stretch out her hand and take Mitsuri’s. It was so close to her own. Mitsuri had leaned back to rest against her palms, head tipped backwards in the cooling air. They were only a few inches apart.
If Shinobu leaned forwards, her hair would brush Mitsuri’s shoulders. If Mitsuri turned her head, their noses would be close to touching.
She is not for you, Shinobu reminded herself harshly.
But when Mitsuri’s eyes slid over to look at her once more, Shinobu found it hard to remember why. There was something unsaid between them. It hovered in the air, flaring bright and quiet like the fireflies. It would be so easy, too easy, to grasp it and learn it.
She can never be yours. She deserves so much more. She deserves to be happy.
Shinobu broke eye contact first. It hurt too much to keep seeing that untold truth right in front of her, to call it a falsehood and bury it within herself.
She didn’t know how much longer she could continue to do so.
Mitsuri seemed to understand that a moment had passed, unclaimed. She seemed disappointed by something, but she did not say anything.
It was a small mercy and Shinobu was grateful.
She was always so grateful to Mitsuri.
Like a river flows
Surely to the sea
Darling, so it goes
Some things are meant to be.
Mitsuri finally got her wish. She and Shinobu had been called in to investigate demonic activity in a distant village. The likelihood of it being Upper Moon activity was low, but the level of butchery and cruelty in the murders that had been appearing was too alarming to send a lower ranked slayer.
Shinobu was both dreading and excited for the mission.
She dreaded it for the knowledge that she would be in close proximity to Mitsuri for several days and would have to hold herself in check while also battling a potentially strong opponent. She anticipated it for the chance to take out some of her frustrations on a vile creature that she didn’t have to feel remorse for killing.
It remained to be seen whether or not the dread or excitement would win out.
Mitsuri, for her part, looked completely unaffected. Rather, she was positively beaming and had been chattering nonstop since the two had set out.
Shinobu didn’t mind though. It took some of the edge off her inner thoughts and gave her something to concentrate on.
She wasn’t really sure what Mitsuri was talking about, but her voice was surprisingly soothing.
When they did finally arrive at the village, however, a charged focus came over Mitsuri’s demeanor. She at once seemed to grow taller and more serious as she took in the hollowed faces that dotted the town.
Glassy eyes watched them trek through the village. No one spoke, and the light flurries of snow that drifted down seemed closer to ash. These were a people that had witnessed inexplicable savagery. Isolated and small as the village was, Shinobu doubted they’d ever had to deal with any level of crime more serious than petty theft or bullying.
A demon abducting and murdering their own was probably something more than most of these townspeople could fathom.
And yet it had happened.
The burning hatred that roiled low in her gut spiked sharply.
Getting answers out of any of them proved difficult. It took all of her charm and Mitsuri’s natural ability to warm the coldest of hearts to learn anything of use.
After an afternoon of consoling silently weeping women and stoney faced men, the two women learned that the bodies were always found the morning after the abduction. The victims were all children, just on the cusp of adults - not much older than the Kamado siblings and their friends, Shinobu noted.
She surmised that the demon was likely taking refuge somewhere higher up the mountain. Probably in a cave or abandoned shelter, she decided. It definitely wasn’t close enough that either Shinobu or Mitsuri could sense it, but it couldn’t be too far away from its prey.
The first murder had taken place nearly a fortnight ago, and the rate of killings was only increasing. Three more children had been taken and slaughtered in just as many days, leaving a total of eight people dead.
There was a steely glint in Mitsuri’s eyes that looked out of place on her sweet face.
They didn’t have to speak to come to an agreement.
The demon would come again tonight if nothing was done, but it would never get the chance to take another child. The demon’s life was forfeit.
Shinobu and Mitsuri would end this tonight.
The day was fading rapidly, however, and time was of the essence.
They did not bother stopping to rest, electing instead to begin the trek up the mountain. It was risky to start after the demon so late in the day and with the sunlight already so weak, but they couldn’t afford to wait. And this was no Upper Moon.
Between the two of them, Shinobu doubted the demon stood much of a chance even in the deepest of nights.
At the edge of the town, they decided to split and fan out to search for the monster. Neither would venture too far from the other, but it would increase the range of their searching and Shinobu had full confidence that their senses were keen enough to pick up a trace before long.
Without Mitsuri by her immediate side, Shinobu had the opportunity to notice just how silent the mountains actually were.
Only the sound of her footfalls gently crunching through the fresh snow reached her ears. There were no birds this late in the year, and Shinobu saw no sign of any wildlife among the bare trees.
The air was too misty to see far ahead, and she lost sight of Mitsuri almost immediately.
It was suffocating in a way.
She thought of Tanjirou, and how his family had once lived on a mountain not dissimilar to this one and shuddered at the thought. She couldn’t imagine making a home amongst this barren deadness, this oppressive silence.
She missed Mitsuri.
Then, all at once, the smell of blood hit her senses. She didn’t have the acute sense of smell that Tanjirou had, but blood always had a tang to it that even her nose could pick up. The coppery stench thickened in the air as she trudged forwards.
It was heavy, disgusting.
“Mitsuri.” Shinobu called out a warning, confident the other woman was close enough that she would hear it. And in the quiet of the forest, there was little to block the sound.
She couldn’t track scents like Tanjirou, so Shinobu moved forward slowly, backtracking only when the scent faded, and moving faster when it grew stronger.
When it grew so strong Shinobu had to lift a sleeve against her nose, she called out for Mitsuri again.
The woman was by her side in an instant.
She’d likely been following Shinobu at a distance, catching up gradually.
“It’s close.” Mitsuri’s eyes, alert, scanned the treeline. She’d unsheathed her sword and it glimmered in the dim light. Soon, night would fall.
“Can you see anything?” Shinobu was searching as well, looking for any break in the forest. Scratched bark, a droplet of blood, anything that would give away the creature’s lair.
Mitsuri hummed. “There.” She pointed and Shinobu straightened.
Almost invisible, an outcropping of boulders shouldered one side of the forest. Their light grey color made them near impossible to see clearly in the haze and shadows and Shinobu admired Mitsuri’s sharp eye.
They approached cautiously and the stench grew thicker.
The boulders were large enough to dwarf Shinobu, and some had low overhangs that could reasonably provide shelter if one were desperate or foolish enough.
For a demon, it would suffice.
The stones had all fallen close to each other, leaving only a few feet of space between them. It was just wide enough for Shinobu to pass through comfortably, though not enough for Mitsuri to walk beside her.
Shinobu withdrew her sword silently and stepped lightly around the maze of boulders.
Blood suffused the air around them, and Shinobu could no longer tell which way it came from. They were clearly in the heart of the demon’s hideout, though Shinobu had no idea where the creature actually was.
The skittering of nails against stone was all the warning she had before a form flew at them from above.
Mitsuri jumped away, her reflexes sharp, and Shinobu fell backwards.
She recovered quickly and spun around to face the demon.
It stood between them, hair long and untamed.
Humanity had long since fled its eyes as it tracked the two of them with wild, catlike pupils. Its nails were long, almost unnaturally so, and it clicked them together as it licked its thin lips.
“I’ve never had dinner deliver itself to me before.” It cackled, revealing sharp canines. “Though you seem a bit old for my tastes.” It studied them, then shook its head. Finger bones, tangled within the knots of ashy grey hair, rattled. “Nevermind. I never look a gift horse in the mouth and your blood smells as sweet as any.”
Shinobu felt her smile curl upwards, a reflex. “Oh my. I hadn’t realized we were being so rude, barging in on your supper.”
The demon grinned and studied its claws. “Can’t interrupt what hasn’t yet begun.”
It was coherent and eloquent. That spoke of a creature that had consumed far more than just eight humans. This was a monster that had been devouring people for far longer than two weeks.
Shinobu pointed her sword at it. “Won’t you be so kind as to surrender? I promise I won’t hurt you any more than is necessary.”
“Demon slayers?” It glanced back and forth between Shinobu and Mitsuri. “You’re not the first two that have tried to kill me. The others that came before screamed so loudly when I peeled their skin from their flesh.”
Against her best efforts, Shinobu felt her eyelid twitch in annoyance. Just how old was this beast?
“You’ll pay for the people you’ve murdered.” Mitsuri growled and lunged, whip like sword snaking out.
The demon dodged, but only barely. It seemed surprised at the speed with which Mitsuri had moved and it leaped to the top of a boulder. Its expression sobered though a glint of amusement still lingered in its eyes.
“Oh ho! Looks like a bit of exercise before dinner then!”
Mitsuri didn’t give it a chance to retaliate. She jumped after it, spinning through the air like she had that time in the gardens. Her sword arced out, cutting where the demon’s head had been only a moment before.
Shinobu was there when it evaded, though, and it was forced to change its trajectory mid-jump.
She thrust her sword, the edge barely brushing its ribs as it twisted around her.
An inch to the left and her sword would have cut a line through its side and wisteria poison would already be pumping through its blackened heart.
She cursed her slowness.
Mitsuri had leaped back down, bracketing the demon between them once more.
It watched them, clicking its nails.
They stared at each other for a moment, three predators eyeing each other up as each waited for someone to make a move.
The demon shifted first.
Shinobu thought it was planning to lunge for her, but it flipped backwards, claws reaching for Mitsuri.
Mitsuri batted it aside and spun, brushing by the demon and whipping her sword to slash its arm.
One long talon fell to the ground.
The demon bared its teeth. “You’ll pay for that, you little-” It never finished its rant - Shinobu was cutting forward, aiming for the heart.
It saw her approach and danced backwards.
The boulders were too close together for Mitsuri or Shinobu to utilise their full range of motions with the swords, but Shinobu doubted they’d be able to lure the demon out. They would have to make do with the disadvantage and keep an eye on each other’s movements just as closely as the demon’s to avoid hitting each other.
Shinobu suddenly had a new appreciation for the tactical brilliance of utilising the boulders as a shelter.
The demon had a shorter reach with its claws. It could maneuver much more easily in the narrow spaces than they and it seemed to know it.
As Shinobu’s sword arced downwards, it lashed out with both hands at the two of them and Shinobu just barely managed to deflect the claws with her sword, elbow bent at an awkward angle to slip the sword up close to her body.
Just one cut, that was all she needed. She sliced sideways and out, hoping to nick it as its arms went wide, but Mitsuri’s cry had her swing waver an inch and it passed harmlessly through open air.
She chanced a glance to her right and saw Mitsuri stumble backwards, red blooming across her forearm.
Shinobu’s vision whited out.
She withdrew her swing and arced it overhead, but the demon rolled its head and twisted beneath it.
Sensing that one of the slayers had weakened, it turned its attention to Mitsuri once more and, dodging yet another attack from Shinobu, it leaped at the other woman.
Despite her injury, though, Mitsuri was still fast and she lashed her sword out, forcing the demon to hop away to avoid losing a limb.
Shinobu was right behind it though, cold fury masking her face.
“You dare touch her.” She seethed, swinging again, and a lock of hair with dangling bone bits clattered against the stone.
The demon bared its teeth, aiming a claw sharpened punch at Shinobu’s abdomen. “Just wait til you see what I do to her once I’ve taken your legs off. I’ll kill you last, so you can hear the pretty screams I wring from her neck while you watch.”
The silence of the mountain had given way to a roaring in Shinobu’s ears. She spun, using the momentum of her movement to thrust forward again. Once more, the demon’s claws deflected her blade.
“I think I’ll take her eyes first. Such pretty eyes, she has. And I’ll rip the arms off of her, I’ll drink the marrow from her bones, and I won’t let her die until I’ve quenched myself with her blood.” Spit flew from the demon’s mouth. Its focus was back on Shinobu and she found herself stepping back to avoid swinging claws that hissed in front of her face.
It certainly was not one of the twelve kizuki; its fighting style was too wild and untrained for that. But it was fast, and it had the upper hand in the narrow spaces between the boulders. Shinobu cursed under her breath.
The demon twisted suddenly, unexpectedly, and Shinobu stumbled.
It had turned back towards Mitsuri who was threading her sword into an impressive maneuver that would have skewered it had it been just a bit slower.
“Back for more so soon?” It howled. “Perhaps you’d like to die last and watch me open up your tiny friend here from nose to navel.”
More blood splattered the cold ground. Shinobu wasn’t sure if it had scored a new wound on Mitsuri or if her first wound had simply not yet stopped bleeding, but the effect was the same.
Shinobu bared her teeth in turn, a savage feeling she hadn’t felt since Kanae’s death unfurling beneath her ribs.
Her sword flicked out, too quick to see and a slice opened up on the demon’s chest.
It glanced down at the cut. Then it began to laugh. “My head is up here, dear-”
The demon’s head toppled from its shoulders.
Mitsuri stood behind it, panting heavily. There was a murderous glow in her eyes as a snarl twisted her mouth into something terrifying. “I know where your head is.” She growled.
Shinobu stared at her. In all the moments she’d shared with the other woman, she didn’t think Mitsuri had ever looked so attractive. Her hair was wild, thick strands escaping her braids to create a mane of pink and green. The cut on her arm was more minor than it had seemed in the heat of battle, though it dripped steadily to stain the ground red. And her eyes - those feral, untamed eyes screamed violence and terror upon any who stood in her way.
Shinobu was in love.
There was no denying it any longer. She was completely and utterly in love with Mitsuri and she was helpless before that gaze.
Mitsuri’s snarl deepened into a grimace as the demon whimpered pitifully at their feet.
Its head was already beginning to disintegrate, but Shinobu took a savage glee in kicking the skull so that it lay face down in the dirt. Its whimpers turned muffled.
The spell didn’t break for a while. The two of them watched the crumbling demon until it was nothing more than dust, and then that too scattered into the wind.
The mountain became quiet once more.
Shinobu snapped back into consciousness once more and she hurried over to take Mitsuri’s arm into her grasp. “It appears to just be a surface level wound. I don’t think it will scar.” She said, examining the cut. The wound had already begun to clot and it no longer weeped blood now that Mitsuri had stopped moving.
Mitsuri smiled gently and she closed a hand over Shinobu’s. “I’m glad.”
“You weren’t injured elsewhere, were you?” Shinobu looked up to search Mitsuri’s eyes, ignoring the painful thudding of her heart.
“Nope!” Mitsuri’s cheer seemed to have returned. “I’m alright. Are you?”
Shinobu scoffed and then was surprised at her own lack of decorum. “It didn’t even touch me.”
Mitsuri’s smile cracked into a full grin. “Of course. You’re so quick! I could barely see your movements in the fight!”
There was an awful burning in Shinobu’s cheeks and she desperately hoped she had not turned red, and that if she had, Mitsuri would mistake it as exertion from the battle. “I lost control for a moment. I shouldn’t have let what it said get to my head.”
“Were you worried for me?” Mitsuri searched her eyes. There was an offering in that question. If Shinobu took it, the thing between them would change forever.
“Of course.” Shinobu let her hand drop from Mitsuri’s arm. “I would have worried for any of my fellow pillars if they’d gotten injured in battle.”
“Oh.”
The sound was so small. It twisted painfully inside Shinobu’s heart.
She refused to examine it. She couldn’t let herself pick it apart and reach for something that cannot be there. Mitsuri was good, and whole, and beautiful. She belonged with someone who could preserve that kindness, who would love her in the way that she needed without the undercurrent of anger and fury tainting the feelings.
The ache inside of Shinobu would be shelved alongside the rage. She could never have what she truly wanted. Happy endings didn’t exist for people like her.
Take my hand
Take my whole world too
For I can’t help falling in love with you.
Shinobu didn’t see Mitsuri again for several weeks. She couldn’t be certain if Mitsuri was actively avoiding her or if the recent surge of demons popping up across the countryside was simply keeping all of them too busy for socializing.
Shinobu herself was sent out another three times after the fight in the mountains. She wasn’t paired up with any of the other hashira and she tried to tell herself that the hollowness inside her chest was fleeting.
She tried to pretend that she didn’t glance to the side whenever she saw movement, expecting the flash of pink hair and cheeks to fill her vision.
It hurt, but Shinobu was used to hurting.
She saw Obanai once, on her way out from the Butterfly Mansion to her latest mission. He didn’t notice her and she fought against the hot pang of envy that cut through her as he passed through the entrance to the healing ward.
He would be good for Mitsuri, she told herself. He loves her, and she loves him. They belong together.
Winter had settled fully into itself, and the air was biting as she trekked home once more. She hoped briefly that Obanai had left the mansion and that she wouldn’t be forced to face him, to speak to him, before she’d completely buried her feelings.
She hoped even more that Mitsuri would still be gone.
The only thing worse than seeing one of them would be seeing the both of them together. Shinobu didn’t know what she would do if that happened.
She had sustained no injuries on any of her missions, so there was no need for a check up with the nurses in the infirmary. She thought about boiling a pot of tea to enjoy in the garden, but memories of Mitsuri and the fireflies had her passing by them without a second glance.
Everything felt oversaturated.
Without Mitsuri, the colors looked wrong.
She had just slid the shoji doors to her room shut when the feeling of a second presence had her drawing her sword and levelling it at the darkness.
“It’s just me.” A quiet voice said.
No. This couldn’t be real. Shinobu’s hand wavered, the sword suddenly weighing a ton. She let the point drop down to tap against the floor.
Mitsuri shuffled forward out of the shadows, always out of the shadows, and met Shinobu’s gaze. “I was waiting for you.”
“What are you doing in here?” Shinobu slid the sword back into its sheath and untied it from her waist. She would clean and polish it later. “There are rooms set aside for guests.”
Mitsuri knew that already; of course she did. She’d visited the Butterfly Mansion countless times and Shinobu knew better than she’d like which room Mitsuri used every visit.
“I think we need to talk.” Mitsuri had crossed her arms, eyes level and mouth set in a firm line.
“About what?” Shinobu could play dumb. She did it so often that the humiliation had long since faded. Her pride was not so fragile anymore.
“I know you’re in love with me.”
The temperature of the room dropped, or perhaps that was just Shinobu’s own heart. She felt cold suddenly. “I’m not sure what you mean.”
It was the wrong thing to say because Mitsuri’s face hardened into something reminiscent of that terrifying visage she’d had after decapitating the demon on the mountain. Shinobu was reminded all of a sudden that Mitsuri’s bubbly demeanor did not change the fact that she was a huntress.
“Stop acting around me, Shinobu. You don’t have to.” Despite her look, Mitsuri’s words were soft, consoling. It sounded like she was coaxing a feral animal.
Shinobu’s facade wavered. “It would be better if you left.”
“No.”
“Pardon me?” Shinobu gaped.
“I’m not leaving until we’ve talked.”
“And if I don’t want to talk?” Her voice was shifting. Shinobu had kept up her cheerful tone for so long that letting her throat relax into a resonance less restrictive felt odd.
Although her irritation was clear, Mitsuri seemed encouraged by Shinobu’s shifting attitude. “Well, I’d like to talk. And the least you could do is listen.”
Shinobu did not respond so Mitsuri continued.
“I know you’re in love with me.” She repeated. “I’ve known for a while, but I was hoping you would come forward on your own. I know you’ve been hurting since Kanae’s death, but that’s not a good enough reason to keep letting yourself hurt. You deserve happiness, Shinobu. I wish you could see that.”
Shinobu’s fingernails bit into the palm of her hand as her fists clenched. “Stop.”
“Why? What are you holding yourself back for?” Mitsuri took a step forward, arms lifting as if to hold Shinobu.
Shinobu backed away and Mitsuri stopped advancing. “You don’t want this. Me. You love Obanai.”
“Obanai?” Mitsuri repeated, looking dumbstruck. “Of course I love Obanai. But not like I love you.”
Shinobu’s heart seized at Mitsuri’s confession. “You-”
“I love you. I don’t understand why we can’t just be together.”
“But-” Shinobu’s head spun. “I thought you were in love with Obanai. The two of you- you always seemed so-” It wasn’t like her to lose her words but Shinobu couldn’t seem to find her tongue.
Mitsuri laughed, a tinkling, merry sound. “Silly. Perhaps in another life. But he isn’t you. No one is like you and I can’t help it. I love you.”
“But Obanai loves you .”
Mitsuri’s face took on a crestfallen look. “I know.” She said. “But I can’t do anything about that. Should I ignore what I feel, what you feel, to avoid hurting him? I don’t want to break his heart but Obanai is a kind person. He will find someone who loves him more than I can and be happy.”
“I don’t-”
Mitsuri raised an eyebrow.
Shinobu had always considered herself to be logical, calculating. She wondered just when she had stopped rationalizing around Mitsuri.
She’d held herself back for so long out of consideration for Mitsuri’s feelings, all the while ignoring the clear signs the other woman had been giving her. And Shinobu wasn’t dumb - she’d known what Mitsuri had been trying to say all along. But, foolishly, Shinobu had thought herself wiser than her friend regarding Mitsuri’s own feelings rather than believing the woman herself.
“What am I supposed to say?” Shinobu whispered.
“‘I love you’ would be a good start.” Mitsuri smiled, taking a cautious step forward. When Shinobu didn’t back away, she closed the distance between the two of them and took Shinobu’s hand.
The words caught in her throat. She wanted to say them back to Mitsuri so badly. It was only acknowledging out loud what Shinobu had known for so long but breaking the silence felt sacrilegious.
When Shinobu hadn’t said anything for several moments, Mitsuri’s smile dipped but she clutched her hand tighter. “I can wait.” She said finally.
Air released itself from between Shinobu’s lips in a rush. “Thank you.” The words were quiet, almost inaudible, but Mitsuri’s teeth shone in the dark in an answering grin.
For I can’t help falling in love with you.
The first time Shinobu told Mitsuri that she loved her, they were huddled together beneath a futon. The winter chill had not yet left the air although several months had passed, but Shinobu had never felt warmer.
Mitsuri’s fingers, hot in the shared air between them, tightened around Shinobu’s as they traded giggles.
Her irises were gleaming through crescent moon eyes, crinkled in laughter, and Shinobu noticed a dimple to the left of her mouth.
It was pure impulse that had her ducking forward and pressing a kiss to that dimple.
Mitsuri’s laughter cut off suddenly as she stared wide-eyed at Shinobu.
A rosy flush was climbing quickly up her cheeks and Mitsuri sputtered out a few flustered noises.
Shinobu only laughed and pressed another kiss to the tip of Mitsuri’s nose. “I love you.” She said it finally, and the air seemed to warm and hush simultaneously.
Mitsuri huffed out either a sigh or another giggle. “Worth the wait.” She said through her deepening blush.
Shinobu raised an eyebrow.
“I love you too.”
Shinobu’s grin was wide and genuine in a way it hadn’t been since Kanae was alive. She kissed Mitsuri, properly this time, and felt her smile against her lips.
“I’m sorry it took so long.” She whispered.
Mitsuri shook her head, still smiling. “I could have gone lifetimes waiting for you. Now I get to look forward to the rest of my life with you. I wouldn’t have changed a thing.”
“Then I’ll just have to make sure I never leave you waiting again.” They kissed again and Shinobu decided that there was room in her heart for more than grief after all.
Mitsuri’s heart was big enough to encompass all of Shinobu, and Shinobu could learn to find the space for both Kanae and Mitsuri. Where one would remind her that pain was real and irrefutable, the other would heal, and keep her from drowning in it.
She could allow herself to love, even as she hurt.
At least she wouldn’t be alone. Because, somehow, the pain never felt so raw when Mitsuri was there.