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Tsukishima Kei thought that he was good at keeping his "habits" under wraps. He didn't think that anyone suspected anything when he didn't bring anything for lunch, he rarely ever purged (especially at school) and when he did he was always as quiet as possible making sure that the sink was running. None of his friends suspected that anything could be wrong with him. They knew he was underweight and people would occasionally make an insensitive joke or comment towards him but nobody thought anything of it. Nobody really noticed him. They never did.
Kei wasn't blameless though. He never opened up to anyone about his eating habits. He had a few reasons why he hadn't told anyone about it. The main reason being shame. Besides people had their own problems. They shouldn't be forced to deal with his. Plus he wasn't even sure why he was starving himself. Control, maybe? A desire to punish himself? Was it just an unhealthy coping mechanism? He couldn't be sure. Maybe it was some combination of all three. Maybe there wasn't any reason. All Tsuki knew was that it felt good so he kept doing it.
The boy was good at playing volleyball and he always ate something before practice. It was one of his rules. He loved playing volleyball. He really did regardless how often he told himself that he didn't care. The blonde wouldn't let his personal problems get in the way. No matter how guilty he felt he always ate before practice. Usually he ate a granola bar just something small to give him a little energy and on days when Tsukishima couldn't bring himself to eat he would drink juice from the vending machines.
After one particularly bad practice coach Ukai asked Tsukishima to meet him in his office. Kei was caught off guard but he agreed. What choice did he have? The boy wondered if coach would finally kick him off the team. About time, he reasoned. Tsukishima would never be as good as the rest of his teammates. He knew that. Hineta and Kageyama were working hard on their sets together and it seemed like the whole team was improving just as quickly. He worried he wouldn't be able to keep up.
"Tsukishima?" Coach Ukai was talking to him. He'd been so lost in his thoughts he didn't realize someone was talking to him. Ok. That's not good. He just needs to focus.
"Sorry." Tsukishima cleared his throat "Can you repeat what you said?"
The coach nodded giving him a look of concern. "Well, I was just saying that you seemed off at practice today. Your blocks were slow. You looked like you were about to pass out. Is everything okay?"
"Yeah." That was a lie. An obvious one too. Normally the boy was good at lying. Normally he would have gotten away with it. But today he just didn't have the energy.
"Tsukishima. I want you to be honest with me. I'm not against you here. I'm your coach. I want to make sure everyone is playing to the best of their abilities." The coach wasn't angry at him. Ukai looked at the boy with genuine concern in his eyes.
Kei looked towards the floor. He didn't know what to say so he didn't say anything.
"Have you been eating?"
Shit. He knows.
"I eat before practice." That was true, to be fair. He hoped it would be enough to placate the coaches worries.
It wasn't.
The coach sighed. "Look, I can't tell you what to do. I'm not going to say 'just eat' because I don't think that's helpful. I just want you know that what you're doing to yourself isn't healthy. You could end up in the hospital"
The blonde knew that already. Obviously starving himself wasn't healthy. It didn't take a genius to figure that out.
The coach kept talking despite the glare he received from Tsukishima"I want you to be able to play well. You have real potential Kei. If you keep abusing your body all of that potential will go to waste and I don't think either of us want that."
Coach was right. Still, the idea of eating like a normal person terrified him. How pathetic he thought.
"I'm not asking you to stop. Just try to increase your calorie intake by at least two or three hundred. Can you do that?"
Kei noded
"Good. Start off with baby steps if you need to. But I do want to see some improvement. There are people looking out for you Tsukishima. "
That was the day Tsukishima Kei promised to himself that he would at least try to get better before giving up. That day Tsukishima ate a full meal without trying to throw it up afterwards.