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Dean had been preparing for this day (forever it seemed) but the baking preparation and research had really been only for the last couple of weeks. He had been researching all aspects of cake, frosting, tools and decorations and he had a specific vision of what he wanted. Every time anyone saw him, his nose was in a cookbook or watching a baking video or he was at the library getting more research. Sam always laughed when he saw the history for the laptop. It was all baking shows and tutorials. Dean made a note to himself that when this was all over, he was going to have to watch the British Baking Show with Cas. He could not believe the talent of these bakers and their baking feats. He knew that he would never be an expert baker like them but he was going to be successful in making this cake. Dean had decided to treat baking like solving a case. The monster would be the cake. He had been met with blank stares when he had said it aloud one day in passing but it made sense in his head and that’s all that mattered, really.
At the beginning, he had tried to bake without the measurements and tried to treat baking like cooking but he had quickly learned that it was not the same thing AT ALL. Cooking is throwing food you love into a pan or the oven with some spices and following a recipe (loosely) and this makes sense. Baking was all about math and measurements and precision and this was aggravating. But he would figure it out for Cas.
Sam had gently suggested after some of Dean’s baking attempts hit the floor (and the ceiling) that maybe they should just all pitch in and let a professional make the cake. “It will still be special, Dean, even if you don’t make it all from scratch. Cas is going to love it so much no matter what”. Dean refused and said “No, absolutely not, not happening”. He looked up from the laptop at Sam. “It’s the first birthday he’s celebrating since I got him back and you know how important it is to celebrate (especially when it comes to us). A birthday is a real gift, Sammy. Another year to celebrate that WE made it. So no, I’m not paying another stranger to create his birthday cake. Who ever heard of such a ridiculous thing?!” He threw an admonishing look at Sam. “They don’t even know Cas”. “It was just a thought, Dean” Sam said as he walked out of the kitchen and put his hands in the air, defeated. Sam walked over to Eileen who had looked up from what she was reading. “Leave him be, Sam”, Eileen said when he told her about Dean’s stubbornness. “He just wants it to be perfect for Cas and part of that to Dean is that it has to be homemade”. “Yeah, I guess so”. Sam just shrugged.
After Sam left the room, Dean was left with his baking fails all over the room mocking him. At least some of it tasted okay, he thought as he licked his fingers. It was not all raw and flat like a pancake, only most of it. “I can do this. I know that I can. I just need to regroup and try again”. He looked around the room, “after I clean all of this up, I guess”. Then he set to start all over again the next day, and ended up working late into the night and repeated this pattern night after night until he was satisfied. Cas would come in and watch him quietly, making sure that he was out of sight. But Dean was much too involved to notice anyone at all, even Cas.
All of this had all began about a month ago. Dean had insisted that Cas was going to need a date to celebrate his birthday and so Cas had picked out the only date that made sense to him. Dean had already started planning in his head the moment Cas told him the date. “You know, you don’t have to go overboard with this; it's just a small day of celebration with you and our family. Whatever we choose to do, we will be together and that’s the important part and this includes the birthday dessert, Dean. He grabbed his chin and lifted it so Dean was looking into his eyes. Dean was half lost in his eyes and half cursing at Sam in his head. “Fucking Sam can never just shut his mouth about anything, can he?” Dean thought to himself. Cas went on. “I just want us all to be happy. Maybe play some games or do a puzzle. You can even just get me a nice pie and some candles and we’ll call it a day. I know how much you love pie”. He kissed him. PIE AND SOME CANDLES?! Dean’s thoughts were screaming but instead he said “There are occasionally times where pie is not the answer, Cas and this is one of those times. No, I will figure this out. Don’t you worry. Your only job is to enjoy the day cause it only comes once a year, you know” and he kissed him back and went back to planning. Cas nodded to himself, knowing that Dean had not really been listening to a word of what he had been saying.
Dean had seen bakers use fondant in all their videos and he was intrigued. He wanted to make Cas some bees for the cake and decided to try and make them out of fondant. So he bought a little bit of it. How difficult can this be? He thought to himself. “It’s just edible play-doh or fancy clay”.
Dean had already felt like he was settling for less than Cas deserved. He had initially wanted the cake to be tiered. A tiered cake seemed fancy (like Cas deserved) but Sam said “Why don’t you try to make just one cake and then next year, you can try a tiered cake if you still want to”. Dean had reluctantly agreed with him. And one of the only reasons he agreed with him was if it was tiered, he would need a lot more fondant to look like the baker’s videos and it was very expensive stuff.
The next day Dean sent Cas out to run some errands so everyone could practice making bees. (Cas played along with the charade and stayed away longer than necessary, Eileen would text him when he could come back). Everyone was gathered at the kitchen table and Jack was playing with actual play-doh on the floor next to them. He was creating some great things, none of which were bees. Dean had brought in a few of Cas’ bee books for reference. “Okay, here we go. The best looking bee will be the winner that goes on the cake”. He rubbed his hands together excitedly at the thought of his bee winning. After about an hour and a ½ of trying, everyone realized it was not easy to create out things out of fondant. Dean was getting aggravated and discouraged and he wanted to smash his bee flat like a pancake. Eileen then made a suggestion. “Why don’t we put all 3 bees on the cake and that way there will be 3 bees instead of just 1 bee”. Sam was very grateful for her suggestion and hoped that Dean would go for it. He was sick of this activity after a ½ hour and now it had been close to 2 hours. Dean agreed that this was a great idea and high fived her. “Why are you not smart like Eileen, Sam”? He nudged his brother in the side. Sam retorted back “Why aren’t you?” “Nah, I asked you first” and he threw a handful of the used fondant in Sam’s face. Sam reciprocated and threw some back at him. Eileen made sure to move the 3 bees so that they were safe from these two lunatics, now throwing fondant and barbs at each other. She just rolled her eyes at them but her face was beaming. She thought back to a year ago when there was no laughter or light and she was so grateful in that moment, staring at those two men, playing with edible clay like the children they never got to be. She picked up Jack and walked out of the kitchen, leaving them to their fun.
Cas’ birthday was tomorrow and the kitchen was off limits. Dean would sometimes pop his head out of the kitchen and yell “I’m alright” after shouts of “sonofabitch” and loud clanging and crashing sounds could be heard from the kitchen. Cas just shook his head and smiled softly to himself. After the fifth time of loud noises followed by swearing, he offered his assistance. “Would you like some help in there, Dear?” he offered. Dean hurried into the room where Cas was working on a puzzle and Jack was coloring next to him. Cas could not come in the kitchen, it would ruin everything. “No, I’m fine, I’m good, I’m great, actually. You just stay there and don’t come in, please. “If I need help I will holler for Sam or ask Eileen”. He gave Cas a thumbs up and a grin and turned on his heel back into the kitchen. Dean had frosting on his cheeks and flour on his forehead. And his apron was a mess of colors and baking ingredients. The towel draped over his shoulder was the only clean thing left on Dean from head to toe. Cas wondered how he had gotten so lucky.
Cas’ cake (aka Dean’s monster) was a ¼ sheet yellow cake swirled with honey, lemon filling and decorated in buttercream tinted light blue with the 3 fondant bees (D, S, and E initials). Dean had written in yellow writing: Happy (1st) Birthday Cas and a We Love You right below. (Dean had gotten pretty good at writing with a piping bag after his many, many attempts on wax paper). He had then carefully placed the bees on top of the cake to go around the sides of the writing (one before Happy, one after Cas, and one after You). He took in a giant breath and stepped back to see what his end product looked like. This was his monster and he had taken it down. Hah! Dean was very proud of this cake, he would probably never admit this but he was. And he knew that Cas was going to love it ‘cause of the bees.
He had forgotten to get candles on his last run a few days ago but he figured there must be some lying around here somewhere. After tearing apart the kitchen as well as looking in a few other rooms, he realized that they did not have any birthday candles in the entire house. Shit. “Sammy”! he yelled. “What, Dean?” Sam yelled back to him. “Come here”! Sam walked into the kitchen. “Yeah, what’s up? I’m playing a game with Cas and Eileen and I am winning! I never win at this game”. Dean ignored Sam's boasting. “I need you to go and get some birthday candles, we don’t have any. And believe me, I looked. Okay, EVERYWHERE. Sam thought over his options for a moment. He did not want to stop playing the game but he also did not want to be in charge of watching the cake in the kitchen (which is what he would be instructed to do if Dean went) so he decided on the candles. “Okay, I will go and grab some. Let me just tell Eileen and Cas to pause our game and Jack’s taking a nap, so maybe try and keep it down”. Dean ignored that remark and reached into his pocket and gave him some money. “Oh and Sam, not pink candles. Pink will not go with the chosen cake decorations of yellow and blue”. Sam just stared at him for a moment. “What?” Dean just frowned at him. Sam shook his head but then said “Nothing at all, got it, no pink. I will be right back”.
As Dean waited for Sam to return with the candles, he looked at the cake. He knew that it was not as special as the professional cake makers and bakers. But he was not a baker so that made sense. As he stared at the cake, his mind started to wander back in time. He remembered back to when Cas had first mentioned the whole bee thing. Back when he was in the loony bin on Sam’s behalf and back when Dean was so scared about losing him yet another time. Dean wasn’t sure how to accept these feelings, let alone attempt to explain them to Cas, so he had let his anger get the best of him that night in the game room, throwing Sorry (of all games) across the room. He later apologized when it was just the two of them that next day. He told Cas he knew that he was doing the best he could. Cas just looked at him and hugged him in response and so that had to be enough and it was for the both of them.
Then he thought back even further when they had met in that barn all of those years ago. He remembered staring at Bobby’s arts and crafts all over the walls and asking him if he had done everything right since no one was coming. Then in that exact moment, he did come. It was loud and the doors came swinging open off their hinges and bulbs crackled and busted as this man in a trenchcoat strode towards him. Dean could have never known that his life would change forever in that moment when their eyes met. When he had stabbed that self-assured angel in the heart, he had no idea it was the beginning of everything that they would have to endure but it was all worth it, all of it, because they were finally together. And they were celebrating the night they met with Cas’ birthday no less. A million little memories of their years together flashed quickly through Dean’s mind. He smiled softly and tears rolled down his cheeks. Sam came into the room then with the candles. “I had to go to 4 Gas n’ Sips to get you your “not pink” candles, I was surprised you didn’t call me yelling about where the hell I was’. He then looked at his brother’s tear stained face. “Dean, are you okay”? he asked. “Yeah, I’m okay, Sammy”. Dean wiped his face. “Thanks for grabbing the candles. I will be out in a couple of minutes with the cake”. And for the first time in what seemed like forever, Dean said he was okay and he meant it.
Dean realized that he could not put the amount of candles that Cas really was on his cake. In fact, he actually had no clue how many that would be. So he used a different number instead, a new number. An 18. For the date of Cas’ chosen birthday, the 18th of September. As he walked the cake out carefully into the map room, and saw everyone gathered, he was only staring at one person through the glow of the flaming candles. It was the same person that he had been consistently staring at for over a decade. Even though it was not his birthday, Dean made a silent wish that he would get to stare into those indescribably beautiful blue eyes for at least another one. And when Castiel made his birthday wish, he wished the exact same wish, only for the man with the indescribably beautiful green eyes staring back at him.