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Small, white flurries of snow fell upon the town as the night set further in. Henley Hall was being emptied of all excited occupants, leaving the theater fueled by the delight caused by the latest performance of ‘A Midsummer Night’s Dream’. Family and friends alike congratulated the hard work of their cast and crew members in front of the building. The members of The Dead Poets’ Society did the same for their fellow member, Neil Perry, who meekly accepted their words of appreciation with a silent blush and smile. It was a lively crowd that night, filled with bright cheers and laughter. Despite how many people were present, Neil only cared for the attention of one person.
In the midst of the group of boys talking about their method of transportation back to Welton Academy, Neil reached over and grabbed Todd’s arm, asking in a hushed whisper if he’d like to step away for a bit. Todd, far too used to Neil’s antics, happily agreed. Before they ran off into the night, Neil called out to the poets that the two would find their own way back and not to worry. The boys simply nodded and waved them goodbye. Deep down, they knew the two were going to go off on their own eventually.
The town around them was quiet and empty. It was to be expected this time of year as the nights grow colder and longer with the coming of winter. While some may see the empty streets and cold weather as a dreary sight, Todd and Neil basked in it. They made their way down the street as though they were the only ones in the world. In the air were the familiar calls of crickets and cicadas. Neil practically danced between the lights from the glowing streetlamps, reciting words from the play even if they were not Puck’s. Todd watched him in pure admiration as he laughed at his friend’s dreamlike state. It reminded him of the many endless days and nights the two spent together helping Neil get prepared. How those times made the two grow even closer together as friends, and how those times helped Todd realize the deeper feelings he had for the other.
“God!” Neil called out, tilting his head up towards the dark sky. “I knew about aftershow highs, but I didn’t realize it’d feel this great! It’s just adrenaline, and ecstasy!” He spun around, stumbling over his own two feet and bumping into Todd’s shoulder. Todd smiled, gently pushing the other away.
Neil began to speak with great gusto. “‘What thou seest when thou dost wake, do it for thy true love take. Love and languish for his sake’,” he quoted dramatically, stepping onto the lip of a sidewalk planter and balancing himself as he walked. “‘Be it ounce or cat or bear, pard or boar with bristled hair, in thy eye that shall appear, when thou wakest, it is thy dear’.”
He hopped off as his hand jutted forward, reaching out and grabbing one of Todd’s own. His smile was sharp with mischief. “‘Wake when some vile thing is near’.”
Todd tried and failed to hold back his smile. “Are you sure you didn’t take any drugs backstage?”
Neil gasped in faked-offense. “How dare you imply such a thing, Mr. Anderson! Maybe one day you’ll understand this feeling when I get you on stage.”
“Oh yes, like that’ll ever happen.” Todd said while rolling his eyes. Neil seemed unfazed, dragging Todd along with him. The last few opened shops were beginning to close up for the night, leaving only the streetlamps and windows from occupied homes to light their path. A faint sound of classical music could be heard from one of the still opened restaurants. Neil’s steps began aligning with the song’s rhythm.
“You never know,” Neil said. “You said you would never read poetry in front of people, and you did that. You did not think I would be able to perform, and I did! So well, in fact, that could see you stunned in your seat during the performance.”
Todd nudged Neil with his shoulder. “What’s your point, Puck?”
Neil’s smile widened at the naming of his character, catching him off guard. “Well, my point, Whitman,” he paused to nudge Todd back, “is that impossible things have been happening ever since we met. Who knows what else could happen?!”
Todd laughed at the truth of the statement. He felt like a completely different person after coming to Welton and joining The Dead Poets’ Society, especially after meeting and growing so close to Neil. No one was ever able to get Todd out of his shell before. It was a struggle for his parents all his life before they just accepted that he probably wasn’t going to make many friends. Yet, somehow, a group of eccentric, young wannabe poets changed that completely. Whenever Todd thought about it too much it made his head spin.
After a beat of silence, Todd looked down at his feet. “Hey, you know, it wasn’t that I thought you couldn’t perform on stage. I knew you had the skills for it. I was just worried about how your dad would react and-”
“I know, Todd.” Neil cut him off, leaning in close to get Todd to meet his gaze. His expression was soft and caring. It always was whenever he looked at Todd. There was a natural feeling of warmth from Neil’s body. “You were just being cautious.” A light squeeze made Todd finally realize that the other had never let go of his hand. Todd debated whether he should pull away, if Neil was simply waiting for Todd to do so, but pushed the thought out when Neil continued holding it as he walked.
“I just know what it’s like dealing with strict parents like that,” Todd said. “You have to do everything they desire or else you disappoint them and everybody they care about, and then they threaten to kick you out onto the streets to wrot without second thought.”
“Yeah! I feel like my parents are trying to live through me. Like I’m here just so they can have a second shot at whatever miserable life they had. Even if I breathe wrong it somehow affects them personally. At least you had Jeffrey to probably take some of the heat.”
Todd cringed. “I-I don’t know about that. Sometimes he did, but other times it felt like he raised my parents’ expectations for me too high, even if it wasn’t intentional. You know, like, he's athletic, intelligent, hard-working, charismatic. If Jeff could be like that, why couldn’t I? Maybe it meant that I was broken or something.”
“You’re not broken-”
“I know I know.” Todd patted Neil on the shoulder, keeping the other from getting himself into a rant. “I just meant that it made my parents think there was something wrong with me.”
“I’m sorry to hear that, Todd. But your family lives pretty far from the school, so at least you don’t see them as much when you’re here.”
“Yeah, but winter break is coming up so I’ll have to deal with them soon.”
Neil let out a long sigh, ending it with a tired groan. “Don’t remind me! I’m praying to God that nothing gets back to my father about what happened tonight.”
“I’m praying nothing we did gets back to our parents!” Todd almost shouted with an incredulous laugh. “Running out past midnight to gather in an old cave and recite poetry? Going against every moral the school tries drilling into us? They’d think we’re part of some fucked up cult.”
Neil laughed at that. “If The Dead Poets are a cult then lay me down on a pentagram and sacrifice me to our dark lord.” He was rewarded for this comment with a quick elbow to the ribs. The boy retracted from the hit but was still laughing through the pain. “Okay, okay! Maybe I shouldn’t take it that far.”
Todd huffed, unable to believe that this was the one he’s fallen for. The fact it was a guy was insane, but adding on the fact that he was a loud, erratic performer-type only made it more so beyond belief. In all honesty, he couldn’t remember the moment when he fell for Neil. Maybe it was when Charlie recited Lord Byron and he caught Neil looking at him instead of either one of the girls. Maybe it was when Neil said that he refused to accept Todd’s want to take care of himself alone. Maybe it was all the way back to the moment when they first met and heard each other’s names. All Todd knew now was that he never wanted to live his life any further without Neil by his side.
“Seriously though,” Todd said. “If my parents find out what’s been happening, I think I’m just going to run away or something. I’d be better living on the streets than going through whatever punishment they’d have waiting for me.”
When he attempted to keep walking, the hand holding his own forced him to come to a stop. He turned around to see Neil looking at the pavement below, refusing to move. His eyes slightly widened but filled with hesitation. There was a silent beat before Neil looked up again and tightened his grip.
“Why don’t we?” Neil’s voice was quiet, as though speaking any louder would scare Todd off.
“‘Why don’t we’ what?”
“Run away.”
Todd watched the other, initially unsure if he heard his friend correctly. He waited for a laugh or some kind of punchline to the joke. It took a second until he realized there was none. This was a genuine proposal being laid out to him. Todd came closer to Neil, lowering his voice. “Run away? What are you-”
“I’ve been thinking about it for a while, ever since I was little.” Neil confessed, voice raising and speaking faster. “I had started developing a whole plan and everything. The older I got, the more clear the idea became. In truth, the thought went away after meeting you, and Keating, and the whole Dead Poets thing started, but then my father came to our room the other night. He heard somewhere that I wanted to try pursuing theater and was furious. Saying I had to go to the director and tell him I was making a mistake! Keating told me to talk to him about why I want to do the play, but when I did he wasn’t having any of it!
“Every night since I’ve been thinking about taking off with whatever I have in the dorm. Just leaving everything behind me so I’ll never have to see my father again. I planned on heading down to New York and staying with my aunt who lives down there. She always liked me better than my parents do.”
Neil’s dark brown eyes were filled with sheddinging tears. He tried collecting himself, but failed as the feelings and trauma within his home life set further and further in. Todd was quick to act, reaching up with one hand to wipe his tears away and using the other to massage his arm. It was not the first time Neil cried in front of him and needed comforting, but usually being at Welton caused the need to keep a physical distance between one another. Here however, with the dark of the night and a noticeable lack of prying authoritative eyes, they were very close. Close enough to where Todd could feel Neil’s hot breath on him as Neil tried to catch it. Todd prayed he wasn’t blushing too hard when he felt Neil’s face lean into Todd’s touch. It was not helped when Neil’s hand came up and held his wrist.
“But,” Neil spoke up, trying to get through his sobs and sniffles to speak clearly. “But I realized I couldn’t leave. I couldn’t leave because of you.”
Todd felt his own breathing stop at the words. He tried looking into Neil’s eyes to spot any sign of exasperation or lying, but there was nothing there except earnesty. Neil gave a smile. A sad, pitiful smile. “I can’t just leave you behind. That’d be unfair. I promised I’d be there for you, even if you didn’t want me to be. So I want you to come with me!”
Todd stared at the other, unsure of what to say. It was a lot to take in. There were so many questions, things that could go wrong, preparations to make in advance, the list went on. He opened and closed his mouth several times before finally speaking up. “How would we get there?”
“There’s a few buses and trains that run down to New York. I have a map with a route layout inside my desk.”
“How’d we get the money?”
“My mother gave me a decently sized emergency stash before I left that I haven’t used yet.”
“What about the guys? And what if someone tries to blame them, or Mr. Keating?”
This was the only question Neil seemed to hesitate on. “They’ve been looking out for one another for a long time. They’ll be fine. I’ve voiced my wanting to run away to Knox, Charlie, and Meeks several times, so it would not surprise them much if I actually did it. I even told Charlie my whole plan once. If we left, Charlie said he’d cover for us. I think he’s smart enough to get Keating in on whatever cover he would think of too.”
Todd swallowed something in his throat. The reality of how much Neil had thought this through was catching up. “But what if your father tries finding you?”
Neil let out a laugh. “We’ll be days from here by the time he cares.”
“But what if-”
“Jesus Todd.” Neil cut through. He lifted his face away, the grasp on Todd’s wrist tightened slightly as his face grew a shade of red. “What’s it going to take for you to come with me?”
There was no anger to his voice, just sadness and honest desperation to get out of his situation. Todd took a deep breath in. What was really stopping him from saying yes? Neil was impulsive, but he was good at planning things out when he actually took the time to do so. Todd didn't have any family who cared about him enough to make him stay. Hell, if he disappeared it would probably take weeks before his parents started to notice. The fact that Todd also had some unused allowance money made cash even less of an issue. But a thought kept him from going. The idea that this was all a lie, that the way Neil looked at him was disingenuous, that Neil was going to leave him as soon as Todd became too much. Todd bit the inside of his cheek at the thought of it.
“I just,” Todd spoke in a small, hesitant voice. “I just want you to promise that you really want me to come with you. That you won’t leave me.”
Neil’s body relaxed. There were clearly several thoughts going through Neil’s head, but Todd knew what none of them were. The grasp on his wrist began to loosen. Todd was about to pull away. He accepted that deep down Neil didn’t want Todd to come, that he just felt bad for Todd because he was so socially inept, when suddenly he was unable to move.
Neil leaned in close and pulled him in for a kiss. Todd had been kissed before, mostly by girls who were dared by their friends to do so, and as such those were always quick and sporadic. But this was a real kiss. Deep, long, and heartfelt. One of Neil’s hands came to lightly stroke Todd's cheek as Todd began kissing back, while the other rested at his hip. Being in Neil’s hands made Todd feel steady and secure for the first time. Neither boy opened his eyes when they parted, instead allowing the second to wash over them in peaceful darkness.
Neil came closer again, but this time to Todd’s ear. His breath was hot, and his voice was like trickling honey. “I would never leave you. I don’t think I can live without you now. You’ve cursed me, Todd Anderson. Ruined me. I love it.” The smile in his voice was clearly present. Todd’s grasp on Neil’s shoulders tightened as he felt his legs almost give out. It was a lot to take in, but he loved it all the same. He could only nod in response.
Neil pulled back. His eyes, still slightly puffy from earlier, were wide. The black pupils blended beautifully with the dark brown, also being indistinguishable amid the low lighting. Todd could see himself staring at them for hours, losing his grip on reality as he became lost in the small windows into space the other harbored. “So,” Neil said. “Will you join me?”
Todd didn’t reply with words. Instead he leaned closer and kissed Neil again. The two stayed like that, enjoying how the other felt, tasted, and sounded as they finally allowed themselves to act out what they both wanted to do for so long.
The thought of the next steps in his future with Neil left Todd with a bittersweet feeling.
Later, much later, the two will sneak back to Welton. It will be dark as most residents will have already gone to bed hours earlier. Neil and Todd will go to their dorm and immediately begin to pack all their belongings. All their clothes, any sentimentals, any money they could gather. Despite trying to stay quiet, the noise will alert Charlie as he makes his way back from the bathroom. He will open the door and lock eyes with his two most valued friends. Nothing much will be said, but Charlie will whisper, ‘Say goodbye to us before you go,’ before leaving. The two will finish packing and leave the dorm, coming to find all the poets gathered together in the hallway.
Meeks will give a firm hug to both of them. He will tell them to stay safe and joke that they’ll see each other again when he gets rich and moves to New York himself.
Pitts will be on the verge of crying as he hugs them both at once. He reassures them not to worry about any of the poets because he will keep them safe and sound.
Knox’s eyes will be filled with tears as well, and his hugs will be tight. Todd will be given a leather bound journal from him, encouraged to keep up the love for writing poetry that he and Knox share.
Cameron will have a flat expression on his face. The boys will worry he might tattle, but quickly realize that he won't when he bursts into tears and wishes that they didn’t have to leave. Neil and Todd will have to hug Cameron themselves, as he can’t bring himself to actually have to say goodbye so soon.
Charlie will hug them both wordlessly, but he and Neil will share a long stare. His eyes will grow glossy but filled with intense admiration for his friend. The look they have together will be broken when Charlie gives Neil a soft kiss on the forehead.
After that the two boys will be gone without a trace, on their way to the nearest bus stop. The poets will already have tight knit alibis prepared thanks to Charlie. Mr. Keating will find a note in his classroom clearly written by Todd, thanking him for everything he did for them. When the teacher comes to get them the next morning there will be nothing left but a nearly empty room. All of their materials and books for their classes are abandoned to gather dust.
As the current happenings seeped back into the forefront of his mind, Todd smiled while he and Neil made out in the middle of the freezing weather. The snow gathered below them but neither wanted to move just yet. The future will come. It will be full of stress and heartache just as it will be full of sweetness and peace. No matter what happens though, it will be alright as long as Neil was still there to hold him steady.