Archive of Our Own ^beta

Chapter Text

It's harder than he expected.

He wasn't so naive as to think it would be easy, Tang Yi being in prison, but Shao Fei never really thought about just...all the little things. Waking in a big, empty bed in a big, empty room in a big, empty house; stumbling down to the kitchen, his half-asleep brain sometimes forgetting that no one is here to make breakfast for him, to ask him what interdepartmental meetings he has to prepare for or what progress he's made on his latest cases, to let him know that he has a presentation today that'll probably run long and he might not be home until late. He never thought about powering through day after day by sheer force of will, dragging himself home after dark to reheat some leftovers, if there are any in the fridge, about showering and falling back into that big, empty bed in his big, empty room and trying not to think too hard about how many days add up to three years, how many more times this all is going to play out before it's done.

He wonders now and again when it's going to hit him, all at once. Maybe a breakdown at his desk, or running a red light and pulling over on the side of the road. Crying himself to sleep for hours and hours. It hasn't happened yet.

Maybe it never will. Maybe it'll just be two more years of all the little things, adding up.

Yawning into his hand, Shao Fei reaches to gather up the file spread across the table. If he had known being a captain involved so much bureaucracy, he might not have accepted the promotion so eagerly. Then again, it's probably not the worst thing in the world to have all this to distract him; between working himself practically to death at the station, and building his life around visiting the prison every Thursday at exactly two o'clock, the days just fly by. Weeks, too; the past year has been nothing, it's gone by in a flash. It'll be over before he knows it, Tang Yi will be back with him so soon.

Shao Fei yawns again.

The sun has long since gone down. It may well be Saturday already, for all he knows. Not that it matters overmuch; Zhao Zi and the others have all abandoned him here to do whatever it is he's doing, reviewing all these case files and filling out all this paperwork. No, that's not fair; they're all working hard, putting in overtime of their own to compensate for the fallout of the internal investigation that followed the whole mess of Captain Shi's resignation and Ah Zhi's arrest, the normalcy they're close to finding again but that still hasn't quite settled in. They don't owe him anything.

Shao Fei looks blearily at his watch. Only eleven thirty; sure, why not. Half eleven, one in the morning, what's the difference, really? He ought to go home and get some sleep, or at least try to. Come Monday, he'll be no good to anyone if he keeps on like this, and the last thing he needs is for anyone to be distracted for worrying about him. Pressing down on the table to leverage himself out of his chair, he trudges out into the office, making his way to the front door mostly by sense memory as he widens his eyes to draw in the filtered glow of the street lights shining through the windows.

Where did he park his car? This morning was so long ago... Off to the left, wasn't it? Not too far, just by the curb.

“You little shit!”

Okay, so maybe he's a little turned around, there's no need for such foul language.

Shao Fei turns reflexively toward the shouting man, a shadowy figure standing across the street beside an unmarked white van with its license plates ripped off. The man seems not to be addressing Shao Fei, but another person hidden from view; as Shao Fei watches, he lurches sideways, grabbing at something shoved at him from behind the door and raising his fist, and Shao Fei might not know exactly what's going on over there, but it's certainly nothing good.

“Hey!”

The man hauls back to throw another punch before he glares at Shao Fei, his arms held in such a way that it's obvious he's holding his victim up by the front of their shirt.

“Police!” Shao Fei shouts, storming across the street and sticking his hand into his pocket for his ID, even though it's too dark out to read. “What's going on over there?”

“This is a private matter,” the man sneers. “There's no need for the police to stick their noses in here, so why don't you let us take care of our own business?”

Shao Fei scowls right back. “You're assaulting someone across from the police station, idiot, what did you think was going to happen?”

Glancing down at the person concealed behind the van, the man sneers again before throwing his free hand down, tossing his hostage aside.

“Don't think we're finished with you,” he says darkly, pulling the van door open. “Your debts aren't going to be wiped away so easily.”

The engine idles for a moment as the man seems to wait for some kind of response, but when none is forthcoming, he slams his door, and the van peels away from the curb.

“Are criminals getting dumber or just lazier?” Shao Fei mutters to himself. “Didn't arrange a meeting spot or even check his surroundings.”

There'll be time to deal with that later on, like maybe when the sun is up. Down the road a ways, the van's tires squeal as it rounds the corner, and Shao Fei drops his head back and groans. This is going to be a nightmare to process on Monday; then again, maybe that's what he gets for working so late. There's no one to blame for getting him into these situations but himself.

Then a small voice grinds out a muffled cough, and Shao Fei startles as he remembers that this crime didn't just have a perpetrator, but a victim, too.

Half illuminated by the light of the overhead street lamps stands a small boy, his hand pressed to his side as he eyes Shao Fei suspiciously. Dirt smears his clothes and it looks to have been at least a couple of days since his hair was last washed; if he's not an outright orphan, he's at least a runaway. Maybe abandoned? Poor kid. Whatever his situation is, he belongs with Child Protective Services, that's for sure.

“Hey,” Shao Fei says, taking a step closer and finding a little reassurance when the boy doesn't back away. “Where do you live, are you from around here?”

The boy meets his gaze, his hand flexing against his waist. A few seconds pass in silence, and Shao Fei rubs his hand restlessly through his hair.

“Look, I'm a police captain,” he says. “You're a minor, you're hurt, I can't just leave you out here on the street in the middle of the night.”

The boy looks at him another moment and lowers his gaze to the ground.

“I'm fine.”

Shao Fei rolls his eyes. Does every person in his life have to be so impudent and stubborn?

“What's your name?”

The boy looks up with his eyes narrowed, and Shao Fei shakes his head.

“Fine,” he says, “you don't have to tell me if you don't want to, but like I said, I'm not going to leave you here alone. If you don't have anywhere to go, you can come with me, come with me back to my house and get some rest, and then tomorrow we can figure out what to do next.”

The boy flinches away when Shao Fei gestures toward his little Toyota parked across the street, and Shao Fei sighs wearily.

“I promise I'm not going to hurt you,” he says. “You can stay in the guest room, sleep on the couch, whatever you want. It's perfectly safe, I promise, and I think there's some takeout in the fridge, if you want something to eat.”

Waving aimlessly, Shao Fei turns and walks toward his car, smiling a little when he hears footsteps shuffle along behind him. If the poor kid isn't too tired, maybe he'll even take a shower before he goes to bed.

***

Shao Fei wakes in the early morning to the distinctly unsettling feeling that he's forgotten something.

The sensation isn't a foreign one; it haunted him, in the early days, every time he turned around expecting to see Tang Yi at the door, behind his desk, at the kitchen counter, in the yard. Coming to terms with the reality of things took a lot of work, but he managed. He thought so, anyway; this is one hell of a time for a setback, what with that kid downstairs, probably eating him out of house and home—

Oh. Oh, right. Right, that.

Arching his back a bit, trying to stretch the last remnants of sleep out of his system, Shao Fei pushes the covers aside and climbs out of bed, shuffling across the floor to grab some loungewear out of the closet. What was he thinking, bringing that kid back here? The way he was being shaken down when Shao Fei found him, he's probably got a target on his back, and even if those guys weren't part of some mob or gang or whatever, they sure went out of their way to act like they were; Xing Tian Meng group may have reformed, or nearly so, but that history isn't going to be cast off in just a few months, or even a few years, and if those guys catch wind of Shao Fei's connection to Tang Yi, who knows what kind of stunts they'll try to pull? He might've put the poor kid in even more danger by taking him back here than if he'd left him out on the street, and what kind of cop does a thing like that?

Then again, he thinks as he makes his way toward the stairs, what kind of cop leaves a beaten-up little kid to fend for himself in the middle of the night? A pretty bad one, when you put it that way. So what was he supposed to do, exactly? Dump him off at the nearest watch commander's desk?

Come to think of it, yes, that's exactly what he should have done.

Shao Fei slaps his cheeks sharply and shakes his head. What's done is done, there's no helping that, and anyway, the kid is probably long gone by now, bolting at the first light of dawn. Hopefully he got a few hours' sleep, at least; Shao Fei wishes him well, but he's done about all he can do for now.

Down in the kitchen, he finds a dinner plate still out on the counter; he must have forgotten to put all the dishes away last night. It's understandable, considering everything else that was going on at the time. Even so, Tang Yi would probably chastise him for his untidiness, or maybe make fun of him, if he was in a good mood. Shao Fei smiles a little at the idea; it's not nearly the same as being with him, of course, but those fleeting thoughts of life with Tang Yi make him feel a little bit less alone, if only for a moment.

Shaking his head, he picks up the plate and turns toward the sink.

“I can't have it?”

“Eh?”

Shao Fei turns sharply, his eyes drawn down to the little boy crouched in front of the open refrigerator, clutching a box of some ready made meal he must have found stashed away in there. So he didn't run off after all, then; well, at least this way, Shao Fei knows he's safe until he can bring him back to the police station and let the proper authorities take care of the situation.

“Ah, no.” Shao Fei sets the plate back on the counter. “That's not what I meant; you didn't eat anything last night, huh?”

The boy stands up, holding the boxed meal tight in his hands, and looks at Shao Fei blankly as Shao Fei gestures at the box with a frown.

“Kind of early for chicken fried rice, though, don't you think? I'll make congee, you can have some if you want.”

The boy doesn't put the boxed meal back, but he does loosen his grip a bit, and Shao Fei figures that's better than nothing. Better than another of those suspicious death stares, anyway.

“Did you shower last night?” he asks. “You can take one now, there's soap and shampoo and everything in there, and the towel on the back of the door is clean. I can give you a shirt to wear if you want, I'll put your clothes in the wash.”

The boy's expression turns genuinely baffled, and Shao Fei smiles affably.

“Leave them on the floor outside the bathroom, I'll get them when I finish making breakfast. It's no trouble, they won't take long.”

With one last suspicious glance, the boy puts the fried rice back into the refrigerator and walks cautiously back to the guest room, twisting his fingers in the hem of his shirt. Shao Fei sighs, bracing his hand on the kitchen counter; this is a terrible idea, he knows, asking for trouble in all sorts of ways. Tang Yi would be furious at his carelessness, bringing a stranger back to the house like this. But he's just a little kid, isn't he, lost and alone with no one to turn to; it's not like Shao Fei had a choice. Well, maybe he did, but it was so late, and he was so tired, not thinking straight, and besides, where would Tang Yi be today if Tang Guo Dong hadn't taken a chance on him just like this? No, that's a horrible thing to say, but this year has been so hard, he can be forgiven for his thoughts slipping a little bit, can't he? For a moment of carelessness?

Shao Fei shakes his head vigorously. This isn't getting him anywhere, and anyway, there are more important things to think about now. Turning to the open refrigerator, he retrieves a couple of servings of leftover rice and peers in for the flounder he's sure he put on the top shelf. Didn't he? Yes, absolutely he did... Oh, until he ate it for dinner two nights ago. But there must be something else he can make for breakfast, some vegetables or shrimp or chicken or something.

Dammit. Tang Yi would be ashamed.

Shao Fei tilts his head back and presses his hands to his eyes. He can't just run off to the grocery, leaving that poor kid here all alone, but he can't just not feed him, now that he's promised to make him something more nutritious than packaged fried rice; they can't go out to eat, not when the boy has only the one set of dirty clothes, not to mention those guys who are probably still after him, so what exactly is he supposed to do, send one of the guards out on a run to the nearest 7-11?

Wait a minute.

This one's not actually that hard, if he thinks about it rationally; there's only one person he can call on in this sort of bizarre situation.

By some remarkable stroke of luck, Zhao Zi picks up after only five rings.

“Shao Fei?” he says over a loud yawn. “You do know it's Saturday, right?”

Shao Fei hums a low note.

“Yes, but it's like this...”

Chapter Text

Pressing his hand to the side of his head, Zhao Zi purses his lips and stares at Shao Fei with an expression that can only be described as deeply judgmental as he decides which of the no doubt several questions he wants to ask is the most important.

“What were you thinking?”

Really? That hardly seems worth all the effort.

Shao Fei rolls his eyes.

“I told you, I wasn't,” he says. “It was so late, the only thought in my head was that if I left him alone, those gangsters would probably come back and attack him again. I'll take him to Social Welfare on Monday, I just...wasn't prepared for house guests.”

Zhao Zi frowns. “If he wasn't here, were you not going to eat breakfast?”

“I would've gone to a stall or something,” Shao Fei says, waving him off. Zhao Zi doesn't look like he believes him, but it's not like it's something he can prove. Anyway, it's not fair to judge Shao Fei for his eating habits when Zhao Zi has his own live-in personal chef to make him healthy, delicious meals three times a day.

Jack places bowls of congee carefully arranged with flounder and aromatics in front of the two of them with such perfect timing that Shao Fei wonders for a second if Jack can read his mind. Like he needs that kind of stress in his life.

“Where is he?” Jack asks, returning to the stove to dish out the two remaining servings. “You said he was taking a shower when you called, he should be done by now.”

That's a good point. Shao Fei looks in the direction of the guest room, just in case Jack's uncanny timing ability might apply to the boy as well, but no such luck.

“I'll check.”

Jack and Zhao Zi exchange some kind of look as he goes, but Shao Fei doesn't pay it any mind. He doesn't hear the shower running, but the boy couldn't have left already, could he? No, he would have had to walk right past Shao Fei to get to the front door. Maybe he broke a window? He doesn't seem the type, but then again, it's not like Shao Fei really knows much, or anything, about him.

Leaning in to place his ear close to the door, Shao Fei raps a couple of times on the frame.

“Are you still there?” he asks. “My friends came over to help with breakfast, you can come eat with us.”

No response; feeling only a little bit foolish, Shao Fei knocks again.

“Aren't you hungry? Jack is a really good cook, he made the congee. You're not allergic to fish or anything, right?”

Finally, the door opens a crack, barely enough for Shao Fei to see the boy peering through from the other side.

“Who are they?” he asks, so low that Shao Fei has to lean closer to hear him properly.

“My friends,” he says again, waving in the general direction of the kitchen, even though it's down the hall and around a couple of corners from the guest room. “Zhao Zi is my colleague at the police station, and Jack is his boyfriend. He's really good at cooking, he has his own food truck and everything.”

The boy looks past Shao Fei into the empty hall, and opens the door a little wider, just enough to show off the t-shirt he's currently swimming in.

“Why are they here?”

Shao Fei smiles awkwardly. “You saw before, right? There aren't too many ingredients in the refrigerator right now; I guess it's been a while since I've been to the grocery store.”

“You have green onions and eggs,” the boy says. “And milk.”

Shao Fei shrugs.

“I don't cook too much.”

The boy looks past him again, and Shao Fei turns, waving him along.

“Come on,” he says, “the congee's getting cold.”

After a couple of steps, he hears the door close, and the light sound of bare feet walking down the hall after him. Fine; if that's how this kid likes to receive favors, that's his business. Shao Fei sure isn't going to begrudge him for being cautious.

They reach the kitchen to find all four bowls still laid out with napkins and spoons besides. Well, that makes sense; Jack lived here for so long, it only stands to reason he remembers where all the utensils are.

“Hi,” Zhao Zi says as they sit down. “I'm Zhao Li An, but everyone calls me Zhao Zi. What's your name?”

Shao Fei smirks into his spoonful of rice. He warned Zhao Zi on the phone that the boy isn't much of a talker, but it's not much of a surprise that his optimistic friend is trying anyway. He'll learn soon enough.

The boy looks cautiously at Zhao Zi, glancing at Jack for a second and then back.

“Xu Yang,” he says as Shao Fei nearly chokes on his fish.

Zhao Zi smiles brightly, completely ignoring his so-called best friend's violent coughing fit. “Where are you from?”

Xu Yang stirs his congee, scooping up a spoonful of rice and ginger and dropping it back in the bowl.

“Taipei.”

Very helpful. Then again, what reason does he have to trust them, really, just because they showed him a little bit of kindness? Hell, it wasn't a moment ago that Shao Fei suspected the poor kid of smashing his windows and making a break for it.

“You know,” Jack says as Xu Yang continues poking at his food, “I'm very confident in my cooking abilities.”

Zhao Zi shoves him with a wry smile as Jack grins and leans into the motion. Shao Fei furrows his brow as he looks between them, but Xu Yang dips his spoon back into the bowl for a bit of fish and green onion, so whatever secret language they're speaking, now probably isn't the time to hold it against them.

“It's good, right?” Zhao Zi says, polishing off the last of his own meal as Xu Yang puts another spoonful in his mouth and nods. “Jack has his own food truck.”

Xu Yang hums and stirs his congee some more. “He said.”

Zhao Zi raises his eyebrows, and Shao Fei shrugs.

“Well, he does.”

There's no arguing with that.

Shao Fei sneaks sideways glances at Xu Yang as they eat their breakfast, but the boy doesn't seem interested in much other than finishing his meal. How long has it been since he had a proper one? Since he had anything at all to eat? Tang Yi doesn't much like to talk about his and Hong Ye's time on the streets before Tang Guo Dong took them in, but Shao Fei has been a police officer long enough to see for himself how bad things can get for people in that situation. Kids especially.

“So,” Zhao Zi says as the silence begins to grow uncomfortably heavy, “what are you going to do for the rest of the day?”

Shao Fei opens his mouth and tries not to stumble over his words.

“I...”

“Go back to bed until dinner” probably isn't much of an answer, considering that he's suddenly got a kid to look after for the weekend. Come to think of it, that isn't much of an answer when he's alone, either, but at least then he doesn't have to explain himself to anyone.

“Grocery shopping,” he invents. “And...clean the bathrooms?”

“You fired the housekeeper?” Jack asks from the sink where he stands washing his and Zhao Zi's dishes. Shao Fei glares at his back and does his best to refrain from sticking out his tongue.

“I did not fire the housekeeper,” he says. “This house is plenty clean.”

“Then why are you going to clean the bathrooms?”

Dammit, Jack; why can't he ever be helpful when Shao Fei actually needs it? Not like he just came over to make Shao Fei breakfast or anything, but—that's different, that's a child's welfare at stake, that doesn't count.

“I'm...not,” he says petulantly. “There's a bookshop between here and the store,” he addresses Xu Yang instead, “we could stop there on our way, if you want.”

Zhao Zi shoots him a skeptical look, and Shao Fei widens his eyes belligerently. He could offer some suggestions, if he's so sure Shao Fei is screwing this up; it's not like Zhao Zi has any more experience dealing with kids than Shao Fei does, what does he know? Just because he likes Transformers and Dragonball Z, and still sleeps with dinosaur plushies.

“Or,” he tries again, “we could...stop somewhere for ice cream?”

Zhao Zi's expression turns less judgmental at that, but Xu Yang doesn't seem particularly impressed by either suggestion. A little enthusiasm might be nice, but Shao Fei figures that so long as Xu Yang's impression of him hasn't dropped too much for all of his awkward fumbling, he's still coming out ahead in the long run.

The silence breaks a moment later with a surprisingly timid question:

“Do we have to?”

Do we what?

Since when has any of this been about “have to”?

Shao Fei and Zhao Zi trade curious glances before Shao Fei turns back to Xu Yang, trying his best to look friendly, or at least agreeable.

“Of course not,” he says. “Why, is there something you want to do?”

The beat before Xu Yang's reply feels longer than it really is; somehow, Shao Fei senses that it's best if he doesn't think especially hard about why.

“Can we come back here?” Xu Yang asks eventually. “To the house?”

Ambling from the sink back to the table, Jack sets his hand on Zhao Zi's shoulder as Zhao Zi tilts his head up and grins. Whether it's meant to be a hint or not, it doesn't take any effort at all for Shao Fei to link the thread of the formerly nomadic mercenary with the currently homeless youth; maybe that explains why Jack was so willing to come lend a hand. Or maybe it was just because Zhao Zi asked, and he can never resist when Zhao Zi asks him a favor. Or maybe Shao Fei is just overthinking things as he's trying to plan out the whole day, maybe it's making his mind go all off the rails.

Ha, him overthinking things, what a change of pace that would be. Would Tang Yi tease him or praise him for it? Knowing him, he'd find some way to do both at the same time, that clever bastard.

Shao Fei smiles softly.

“Of course we can,” he says. “And why don't you think of anything in particular you want for dinner, so we can pick up the ingredients while we're out.”

Xu Yang nods into his chest. That's a good sign, isn't it? Better than nothing. The kid's allowed to keep whatever secrets he wants; they're building up trust slowly, a little bit at a time, but it'll come.

Not that it matters, Shao Fei reminds himself as he stands to take his and Xu Yang's empty bowls to the sink. First thing Monday morning, it's straight to the Social Welfare office to find Xu Yang a proper home.

Anyway, a quiet evening in sounds pretty nice to him, too.

***

“Hey,” Shao Fei says as they unpack a decent haul of groceries onto the island in the middle of the kitchen. “I forgot to ask, do you like spicy food? I got stuff to make beef stir-fry, but if you don't like it, I got some chicken too, and I think there are enough eggs in the refrigerator to make omelet rice. Did we pick up any noodles? Because that wouldn't take long, if you want that instead... Oh, but I guess we stopped at that noodle stall for lunch, you probably don't want to have them again so soon.”

Maybe it's his imagination, or maybe wishful thinking, but Shao Fei is pretty sure the silences filling the air between him and Xu Yang have gotten lighter over the past few hours. The kid still doesn't talk much, but Shao Fei still doesn't hold it against him, and they're finding their rhythm, sure enough. Life in this house has to be better than trying to survive alone on the streets, and Shao Fei has to admit that it's kind of nice having someone else around, taking up space.

Xu Yang unpacks a bag full of miscellaneous vegetables, laying them out on the counter in careful rows, and Shao Fei finds himself smiling.

“I guess I didn't plan this out too well,” he says, surveying the mismatched collection they seem to have ended up with. “Sorry about that, but I hope you like pea shoots!”

Looking down at the colorful array, Xu Yang picks up the plastic bag and sniffs the leaves carefully, setting them back down between the cauliflower and tomatoes.

“Maybe,” he says. “I don't know.”

“You've never had it?” Shao Fei asks as Xu Yang shakes his head. “That's no good, you definitely have to try some. We can have it tonight, you want to help me cook?”

Was that too forward? They've made progress, sure, but he doesn't want to set them back to zero by asking too much. Then again, if Xu Yang helps make the meal himself, he'll know for sure it isn't poisoned or anything, and maybe he'll lighten up even more.

Xu Yang picks up the pea shoots again.

“I don't know how.”

That's certainly no surprise. Reaching over to gather the vegetables, Shao Fei puts on a confident smile as he starts packing them away in the refrigerator.

“Don't worry about that,” he says. “It's not that hard, and I can show you what to do. You don't have to if you don't want, but it's better than sitting around doing nothing all evening. And you never know, you might have fun!”

Resting his arms on the counter, Xu Yang leans forward to watch Shao Fei put away the rest of the groceries. Come on now, is this his first time in a kitchen? He could at least offer to help.

Although, come to think of it, yes, actually, this might well be his first time in a kitchen. Eggs aren't much, but they're perfectly fine for breakfast in a pinch, and still, he went straight for the microwave dinner, almost like he doesn't trust himself to make simple omelet. Or know his way around a stove.

How long has this poor kid been on his own?

Shao Fei sighs, tossing a bag of dried chili peppers into the cabinet. It's none of his business. Xu Yang doesn't want to talk about it, and Shao Fei sure isn't in the business of forcing children to relive their traumas to satisfy his own personal curiosity.

“Come on,” he says, closing the cabinet door and turning back to the island. “I'll show you how to tell if the shoots are tender enough to eat, and you can start preparing them. Then we can cut up some vegetables for the stir fry.”

Holding himself oddly still, Xu Yang steps away from the counter, watching intently as Shao Fei picks up the pea shoots and pulls them out of the bag.

“Here,” he says, holding one up. “Try to snap it in two, see; go one at a time, cut off the tough part that doesn't break when you bend it.” Breaking the stem in his hand, he sets the crisp end down and bends the tough end onto itself, nearly in half. “Got it?”

Xu Yang nods sharply, his eyes locked on the vegetables as he picks one up. Shao Fei smiles and moves aside.

“Good,” he says. “Let me know if you have any questions or anything.”

Xu Yang ignores him completely as he snaps one of the stems clean in two, and Shao Fei shrugs.

“All right, well, good luck.”

Xu Yang continues to ignore him, and Shao Fei sets about mincing the garlic and ginger.

This is...nice, actually. Despite the silence, despite the mild tension still in the air, there's something calming about cooking with someone else in this familiar kitchen; it doesn't make him miss Tang Yi any less, and it doesn't replace him in Shao Fei's memories or anything like that, but making food with another person, preparing to eat it with them, it's sort of relaxing. Maybe he should ask Zhao Zi if they can try doing this every once in a while, now and again; not that Shao Fei's cooking can hold a candle to Jack's, of course, but he knows Zhao Zi worried about him back when all of this was new, inviting him over for dinner even when he couldn't bring himself to keep much down, before he'd figured out how to live his new life, his new waiting game. Zhao Zi worried about him then and he worries about him still, taking on as much work as he can at the station, still inviting him over for dinner from time to time, even though he doesn't expect Shao Fei to accept.

It'll be nice.

Shao Fei pushes the garlic and ginger into a little pile on the cutting board with the flat edge of his knife.

“How's it going?”

He raises his head just in time to see Xu Yang yank his arm behind his back, his eyes slightly too wide as he tilts his body to further conceal whatever he's holding from Shao Fei's view.

Shao Fei raises his eyebrows.

“You'd make a terrible thief,” he says idly. “What've you got there, anyway, are you planning to make off with my vegetable peeler?”

Xu Yang takes a quick step backwards, still concealing his hand, and Shao Fei sighs.

“Just tell me what it is, huh? I'm sure it's no big deal, and the sooner we get this all prepared, the sooner we can get started on the stir fry, and the sooner we can eat.”

Xu Yang stares at him, his wide eyes narrowing a little, then a little more; what he's looking for, Shao Fei isn't sure, but hopefully he finds it soon, because it's getting late, and he'd kind of like to eat before midnight.

Shao Fei holds out his hand. “Come on.”

Lowering his gaze to Shao Fei's open palm, Xu Yang takes another shuffling step back before he finally offers up his stash.

It's no vegetable peeler, that's for sure.

“Pea shoots?”

Xu Yang folds his arms over his chest and looks away as Shao Fei holds up the shoots. They look normal enough to him; maybe a little on the short side, he didn't have to trim quite so much of the stem, but there's still plenty enough to eat. And even if there wasn't, they've got lots more to fry up; one lost shoot isn't a big deal, definitely nothing to get all hung up on.

Xu Yang didn't seem upset, though, did he? Not really, not so much as defensive, maybe even scared. What, did he think Shao Fei would be angry? Mad at him for shrinking the size of their side dish by a whole inch?

What kind of life has this boy been living?

Shao Fei takes a small step forward and tries not to think about it.

“You cut it a little short, is this it?” he asks carefully. “Because that's fine. These things happen, I do it all the time.”

His shoulders tucked, making sure to keep his head down, just in case, Xu Yang looks up at Shao Fei through his lashes as Shao Fei tosses the leafy end onto the pile prepared to cook and the tough stem into the garbage.

“There,” he says, “no harm done.”

A second ticks past, then another. Xu Yang lowers his shoulders, relaxing his taught spine just slightly, just enough that he doesn't look so much like he's about to run for it as soon as Shao Fei drops his guard. Shao Fei nods in response and moves back to his cutting board.

“You want to chop the onion or the peppers?”

Looking hesitantly between the two, Xu Yang picks up the knife and a red pepper.

Shao Fei wouldn't put money on it or anything, but for one fleeting instant, he thinks he even sees him smiling.

Chapter Text

Sunday mornings aren't made for alarm clocks and early rising. Sunday mornings are made for sleeping in, for lazing about in the golden light of dawn and dozing until it's turned crisp and white and the day is ready to begin. Sunday mornings are for bracing for Monday, one last chance to take a breath before the next week starts, and hope that maybe things will be better this time around.

This Sunday morning doesn't go quite like the ones he's used to.

Shao Fei isn't a stranger to waking early, of course. He's had his fair share of morning meetings, especially since becoming a captain; he does his best to set a good example for his team, arriving to the office first more often than not. Not just to get out of the house, per se, not just to get away; sometimes, but just that. Just sometimes.

Not this morning. This morning, Shao Fei pushes himself out of bed, brushes his teeth, pulls on a proper shirt and pants, and marches straight down to the kitchen to prepare breakfast. It's not that he's trying to impress Xu Yang or anything like that, but he's not stupid, he knows that going through the system is no walk in the park; it might be days, weeks, months before the kid finds a home, a family. Before he has a proper meal that doesn't come off a conveyor belt, that isn't served on a plastic tray. If Shao Fei has the chance to give him this little bit of kindness before he goes, of course he's going to take it, no question.

Well, one question. Should he make congee with chicken, or chicken with egg crepes? Congee two mornings in a row might be too repetitive, but it seemed to go over pretty well the last time, and Xu Yang did turn down the omelet fried rice for dinner last night. Maybe he doesn't like chicken and eggs. Or maybe he just likes beef stir-fry better; he was ready to eat the instant chicken fried rice without any hangups before Shao Fei made him put it back. Of course, it was the only thing in the refrigerator that was ready to eat at the time, that might've had something to do with it.

Shao Fei shakes his head. He could always ask Xu Yang which he'd prefer.

Raising his hand to cover his yawning mouth, Shao Fei turns to divert his path to the guest room and nearly trips over himself stopping short at the sight of Xu Yang sitting at the kitchen island, clasping a glass of water between his hands and staring down into it as though it's about to tell his fortune.

“Xu Yang!” Shao Fei pauses to regain his footing. “Good morning, you're up early. Have you eaten?”

Still staring into his water glass, Xu Yang shakes his head.

Shao Fei smiles. “I thought as much. I'll make breakfast; we still have the chicken we got at the store yesterday, do you want congee, or egg crepes?”

Xu Yang runs his finger around the edge of his glass a couple of times, and Shao Fei opens the refrigerator door.

“We could have eggs without chicken, if you like,” he says. “Or we got that taro, we can have that with the congee instead.”

Xu Yang looks up through his lashes, pulling the water glass closer and settings his hands down over the top.

“I like chicken.”

Shao Fei nods, pulling a package of chicken off the middle shelf and grabbing the green onions out of the crisper. “Me too,” he says. “The eggs will be ready a lot faster, but congee's no trouble, if you want to wait. It might not be as good as Jack's, but I'm sure it won't be too bad!”

Xu Yang bites his lip, maybe hiding a smile, and Shao Fei can't help but feel that he's being laughed at.

“Eggs,” he says.

Definitely being laughed at. Then again, Shao Fei can't bring himself to be too upset; he did set himself up for it, after all.

“Okay,” he says, “why don't you chop up the green onions, I'll get the other ingredients together. Here,” he hands Xu Yang a knife, “don't think too much about it, just chop them up small.”

To his credit, Xu Yang only hesitates a few seconds before stepping back to the cutting board he used last night, slicing through the green onions with all the deliberate carefulness of a first-time chef.

Shao Fei smiles as he measures out the bread flour and tapioca starch. This kid's gonna be just fine.

Eventually, that is. That doesn't mean Shao Fei is going to hand him over to Child Protective Services without finding out at least a little bit of backstory. Not that he'll ask him about it right this second, of course; he doesn't want to interrupt Xu Yang's intense focus measuring the salt and pepper, but at some point, whether Xu Yang wants to or not, they're going to have to talk about it. No, not now, not while he's watching so closely as Shao Fei cooks the eggs, but after that— Well, not immediately after that, not when oil spitting out of the frying pan as Shao Fei cooks the chicken makes Xu Yang hide his face and shy away, but...soon.

Not until Xu Yang starts eating, though. Not while he's sitting on his hands, looking at the meal in front of him as though he doesn't know if he's allowed.

“Go on,” Shao Fei says, setting a glass of soy milk down by Xu Yang's plate. “Let me know if you want more chicken, there's a little left in the kitchen.”

It doesn't take long at all for Xu Yang to dig in this time, and Shao Fei wonders for a moment if his hesitancy was genuine fear of stepping out of line, or just some kind of terrible habit.

Anyway.

“You like it?” he asks. Xu Yang takes another bite of egg crepe and nods.

Okay. No sense in putting this off even further.

Shao Fei sets down his milk.

“Tomorrow morning,” he says, “I have to take you to the Social Welfare office. Did you hear when I talked about it with Zhao Zi, when he was here yesterday?”

Abruptly, Xu Yang stops eating, his face going unsettlingly blank as he looks up at Shao Fei.

“I guess you were still in the bedroom.” Shao Fei sets his arms on the table and leans forward. “You can't stay here, you know that, right? I'm a police captain, I'm not home nearly enough to take care of you. And my...” Trailing off, he shakes his head. “This isn't a safe place for you right now.”

Xu Yang frowns, lowering his hands to his lap.

“You said it was,” he says. “When you brought me here. You said it was perfectly safe.”

Shao Fei nods. “Sure,” he says, “for a night. It's perfectly fine for you to stay here for the weekend. But this isn't a good place for you to grow up, it isn't... It isn't a home.”

It will be. Not right now, but it will.

Shao Fei presses his lips together tight.

Soon enough.

Xu Yang looks down at his food, his half-empty glass of milk and the few pieces of fried chicken still piled on top of his eggs.

“I'm sorry,” Shao Fei says. “I wish things were different. But you deserve to have a family that can look out for you and take care of you, and that can't happen here.”

The worst of it is that Xu Yang doesn't even look surprised.

Shao Fei sighs.

“I don't think you'd like it,” he says, “if you stayed. I work really long hours, sometimes I have to go out of town for days, there would be no one to take care of you. It would be pretty lonely.”

Xu Yang shrugs, his chin dropped nearly to his chest. That's not too different from how his days usually go now, is it?

“The people at Social Welfare will be able to help you, though,” Shao Fei insists, knowing it might not be true, hoping that it will. “That's their job! They can even try to reunite you with your parents!”

He doesn't know exactly what kind of response he expected to that, but Xu Yang turning pointedly to avoid his gaze isn't quite it.

Shao Fei tilts his head down and tries to catch a glimpse of Xu Yang's face. “You don't want to see your parents?”

Xu Yang shrugs again.

“They don't want to see me.”

And he knows it, too.

His arms still folded on top of the table, Shao Fei clenches his fists, the sharp edges of his nails digging into his skin. He knew it was like that, he knew it was that kind of story, but to hear the words out loud, with that kind of conviction— How someone could throw out a young child, their own child, forcing him into the streets to fend for himself without any support at all... And now Shao Fei is trying to do the same thing, isn't he? That's probably how it sounds to Xu Yang, at least. The first person to show him a bit of kindness in who knows how long, and now he's turning his back on him like he's some kind of inconvenience to be dealt with, some problem to be sorted out and gotten rid of.

He's really messed this one up, hasn't he?

Opening his hands, uncrossing his arms, Shao Fei rubs at the back of his head.

“Are you sure?” he asks, because he believes Xu Yang, he does, but he's been down a road very close to this one once before, and no matter all the good that ultimately came of it, he has no interest in going down that road ever again.

Xu Yang raises his head with a hollow sort of calmness that perfectly embodies his absolute certainty, this thing he must have gone over in his mind a hundred times before, looked at in every light and from every angle.

“They're gone,” he says. “They're not coming back.”

Shao Fei winces a little. “They're dead?”

Pausing a moment, collecting his thoughts, or deciding how much is too much to share with this stranger, Xu Yang shakes his head slowly, his eyes never quite leaving Shao Fei's face.

“They ran away.”

Ran away?

Debts, that man said the other night. Wiping away debts. A picture starts to form in Shao Fei's mind, much less glamorous than the one he expected, somehow even more heartless than the one he feared, and he hopes, for one freezing instant, that he never does meet Xu Yang's parents, that they never come back for him or try to find him, that they live out the rest of their lives looking over their shoulders for whatever horror they're trying to flee, sleepless nights waiting for a knock at the door, a broken window or a shattered latch. That for one moment, just one, they might know the emptiness, the hopelessness and fear they've left this poor child with, the darkness at the end of a tunnel where he thought he might finally see some light.

No one will walk out of this story with the ending they deserve. But if Shao Fei has anything to say about it, Xu Yang will come as close as anyone can.

“I'm going to do everything I can to help you,” Shao Fei says. “I swear it.”

Xu Yang meets his eyes straight on, and Shao Fei looks for any sign of trust, any sign of faith in the words he's saying, the promise he's making, because it must be there, surely, because he'll fight as hard as he can, and Xu Yang has to know that, that Shao Fei won't give up on him, Shao Fei won't be like all the others. On some level, in some way, he has to believe it.

Everything is going to be all right.

All the little things will add up, in the end.

***

Silent car rides always make Shao Fei uncomfortable.

Whether they come about because he's somehow managed to lock himself into a ride with a far senior officer who's trying to intimidate him, or Zhao Zi is mad at him over some slight and hasn't cooled off yet, or worst of all, something is weighing on Tang Yi's mind that he doesn't know how to talk about, Shao Fei has never known a silent car ride to mean anything good.

Maybe he should say something? Anything, to break up the tension. Just to get things started. It doesn't even have to go anywhere, but he could at least offer the opportunity.

Shao Fei glances up into the rear view mirror. Behind the passenger seat, Xu Yang sits with his hands in his lap, staring out the window at the scenery scrolling past, the gold and blue light and the early morning traffic.

“We can stop for breakfast,” Shao Fei says. “There's a stall near here that does pretty good fantuan.”

Xu Yang stares out the window as the blue light fades to white, and Shao Fei thinks about stopping at the breakfast stall anyway.

On the other hand, maybe it's better to get this over with.

“Or we can go straight to the Social Welfare office,” Shao Fei says. “If you're not hungry.”

Xu Yang rests his head against the window, and Shao Fei nods.

“Okay.”

The ride isn't too much farther, anyway. The heavy marble columns of City Hall glint off in the distance, sharp reflections of the skyline across the road, and Shao Fei parks about a block away for a little bit of breathing room.

Xu Yang opens his door without a word, standing on the curb as he waits for Shao Fei to join him.

“I think Social Welfare is on the second floor,” Shao Fei says as he steps around to the front of the car, a vague recollection from some unrelated visit years before. “They'll be able to tell us inside.”

Xu Yang squints up at the massive clock mounted on the roof, the flags flapping in the breeze, and waits for Shao Fei to start walking. Shao Fei thinks of taking him by the hand, but then again, wouldn't that hurt more than it helped?

As they start walking, Xu Yang lowers his head, twisting his fingers in the hem of his shirt. When they reach the front doors, Shao Fei holds one open for him, trying to remember if they've always been this big, or this heavy.

“There,” he says, pausing at the directory inside the front hall, “Division of Children and Youth, on the eighth floor.”

Xu Yang keeps his head down and follows Shao Fei to the elevators.

The eighth floor is welcoming enough, a funny mix of soft yellow light and harsh white fluorescent. Shao Fei walks up to the reception counter and Xu Yang stops beside him, just barely tall enough to see over the top.

“Hello,” Shao Fei says, fishing his wallet out of his pocket and reaching for a business card. “My name is Meng Shao Fei, I'm the police captain from Unit Three.”

The woman seated there smiles at him brightly, accepting the card and setting her hands down such that most of the files and forms surrounding her are within easy reach. “Hello, Captain Meng,” she says. “I don't know of any cases we've handled recently that the police need to be involved in, but is there anything else I can help you with?”

Shao Fei smiles back. “Nothing like that,” he says. “I found— Well,” he sets his hand on Xu Yang's head, “this is Xu Yang. His parents ran off somewhere and abandoned him here in Taipei.”

The woman cranes her neck a bit to look at Xu Yang over the edge of the counter. “Oh, my,” she says empathetically. “Oh dear. How old is he?”

Shao Fei looks down at Xu Yang, who finally lifts his blank eyes to look back at him. Putting his hands down at the edge of the counter, he raises himself up on his toes, and Shao Fei takes his hand back and puts it in his pocket.

“Ten,” Xu Yang says.

Shao Fei smiles again.

“Does he have any known relatives, aside from the parents?” the woman asks Shao Fei. “Any ties to the community?”

Taking a moment to consider, Shao Fei stops short of saying “Just me”; it's not true, strictly speaking, not to mention Zhao Zi would probably kill him if he found out. “And after Jack and I came over so early in the morning to make you breakfast!” he'd say, or something like that. “You don't appreciate me at all!”

It's not true, anyway.

“No,” he says. “He's definitely been abandoned.”

Her gaze darts nervously to Xu Yang, but he only stares at her, his eyes partly shuttered, until she reaches for one of those forms.

“Thank you very much for your service, Captain Meng,” she says with only the smallest shred of uncertainty in her voice. “We'll begin processing this case immediately, of course, and we'll be in touch if we need anything more from you.”

Shao Fei nods. “Thank you.”

And what else is he supposed to say, then? “Goodbye”? “Good luck”? “It was nice knowing you”? Even the thought of the words puts a bitter taste in his mouth, but he can't just say nothing, he can't just leave Xu Yang here in this office all by himself without any kind of acknowledgment. Of course, that's the whole point of taking him here, to remind him that he's not alone, that he doesn't have to fend for himself after all, not any more. That there's someone out there for him, someone to take care of him and love him the way he deserves, someone who will raise him the way a parent should. The way a family should.

Shao Fei pats Xu Yang's head.

“You'll be okay,” he says. “I'm sure of it.”

Keeping his eyes on the desk, Xu Yang nods solemnly.

What other choice is there?

***

Shao Fei makes it in to work a little bit late, but not too much. A few of the rookies still haven't showed up yet, the ones who are still breaking in; it's okay, all in all. They're getting better. Jun Wei nods a greeting as he walks by, and Yu Qi smiles that understanding smile of hers, probably figuring that missing Tang Yi is giving him a particularly hard time today. They're very good to him, those two. He's lucky to have them on his side.

Zhao Zi looks up when he walks by, setting his mouth in a grim line, a commiserating gesture that Shao Fei appreciates, even though it might be a bit too much for the situation. Everything turned out for the best, after all; looking back, the only thing they'll remember about this is that it was a really strange weekend. One out of hundreds, thousands. Then their lives will become hectic again, and they'll forget about it as everything gets back to normal.

In his office, Shao Fei sits down at his desk and opens the first case file he sees. A foiled assassination attempt, if you can call it that, some silly thing that hardly got off the ground before the wannabe perpetrator got too excited about his plans and blurted out the whole thing to some poor elementary school teacher in line at the grocery store. The guy certainly acted alone, but considering the political prominence of his supposed target, Unit Three is still under pressure to follow up, as if they don't have more important things to do with their time.

Shao Fei leans back in his chair. They never did get around to eating the cauliflower that they bought, him and Xu Yang; maybe he'll fry it up for dinner, throw in some garlic and tomatoes. A little salt.

That's what he'll do.

***

Tuesday comes and goes.

At least, he thinks he does. Things tend to move along that way.

***

Wednesday, Shao Fei wakes well before dawn and lies flat on his back, staring up at the ceiling in the dark. What time is it now, three? Four? Groping around the side table, he picks up his phone and squints at the screen. Five thirty, nearly dawn after all; he might as well go to the station, get a head start on the day.

The streets are nice and quiet, this time of morning. Not vacant, as they never truly are, but quiet.

Shao Fei walks into the precinct, into his office; he sits at his desk, turns on his computer. There's a message from the chief, notice of a trafficking ring he'd like Unit Three to help bring down, and a request from the captain of Unit One to spare a couple of officers for some burglary case or something.

Sooner or later, the dusk turns to dawn, then to daylight. The others arrive one by one, filling up the precinct, going about their days.

At twelve forty-five, Shao Fei catches sight of the clock on his computer screen. Wednesday; it's tailor shop day, today. Or, it was, back then; the tailor shop on Wednesday, the Metro Business Hotel on Thursday, and so on. Before all of this. Before everything.

Shao Fei pushes his chair back and stands. It's been a while since he visited the shop, a while since he had any need to; they'll offer to fit him for a new suit, as they always do, even though they know he'll refuse, as he always does. They won't ask why he's there, and none of them will mention Tang Yi's name; he'll walk around, look at the new patterns, maybe hold up some outlandish jacket in front of the mirror, for old time's sake.

The walk isn't especially far. The streets are more crowded now than they were in the early morning, but not terribly so; a young woman carries shopping bags out to her car, an older man shifts his grocery bags from one hand to the other. A small boy stands with his back against the wall, rubbing his arm, and a pair of girls lean in close together, talking fervently as they walk across the street—

Wait a second.

His hand already on the door to Tang Yi's tailor shop, Shao Fei turns around to face the boy huddled behind him. That's a wound on his arm that he's trying to sooth, maybe a rough scrape or a mild burn. His face is turned away, and is he trying to hide from Shao Fei on purpose?

“Xu Yang,” Shao Fei says, stepping away from the door.

The soles of his shoes scuff against the pavement as Xu Yang steps away, cradling his wounded arm to his chest.

“Xu Yang.” Shao Fei reaches out before he can run, grabbing Xu Yang's shoulder and trying to get a better look at his injury. “What happened to you? What happened to Social Welfare?”

Tightening his hold on his arm, Xu Yang ducks his head down.

Shao Fei sighs.

“Come on,” he says, putting his hand on Xu Yang's back and ushering him down the street. “Let's go back to the station— Not like that,” he interrupts himself when Xu Yang's posture stiffens, “my car is back there, I'm taking you to the hospital.”

Xu Yang nearly trips over himself trying to pull away, but Shao Fei slides his arm more firmly around his shoulders and keeps on walking.

“Don't worry,” he says, “this guy doesn't have a very high opinion of me, I think you'll like him.”

Offering up one of those suspicious looks Shao Fei is already so familiar with, Xu Yang slowly lengthens his stride to match Shao Fei's, rubbing his arm again.

Well, that's Wednesdays for you.

Chapter Text

The car speeds along in silence for about two minutes before Shao Fei can't take it anymore.

“What happened at Social Welfare?” he asks, doing his best not to sound too accusatory and well aware that he's not exactly succeeding.

Sitting much less stiffly, although probably not any more comfortably, than the last time he was in Shao Fei's car, Xu Yang turns his head to look out the window and then almost immediately down at the door handle, and Shao Fei doesn't actually think he's desperate or reckless enough to try to jump out of a moving car, but it doesn't say very much for where his head is at if he's even considering it.

“That woman seemed very nice,” Shao Fei tries again. “She wanted to help you.”

Xu Yang doesn't dismiss his concerns outright, but the way he keeps his eyes down as he reaches up to clasp his seat belt convinces Shao Fei without any doubt that talking about whatever happened is absolutely the last thing he wants to do.

Shao Fei scowls into the rear view mirror.

“I won't make you go back there if something bad happened,” he says. “But I can't help you if I don't know what's going on, and I won't know what's going on if you don't tell me. Did she say something to you? Did they try to send you somewhere they shouldn't have?”

Finally, Xu Yang shakes his head.

“They were nice.”

As well they should be; it's basically part of the job description. Nevertheless, Shao Fei raises his eyebrows. “So what's the problem?”

Xu Yang looks back at him blankly.

“They said they were going to try their best.”

But isn't that a good thing? Shao Fei frowns thoughtfully. Xu Yang has been alone for so long, why wouldn't he want to be around people who are nice to him? People who want to help him? Didn't he stay with Shao Fei for exactly that reason?

Well, wait a minute. What happened that night, really? Shao Fei saw gangsters attacking Xu Yang and chose to take him in, went out of his way to insist on it, and tried his best to keep him safe, even if it was only for a couple of days. What sort of normal person does that, what sort of nice, normal person, what sort of nice, normal family wants to harbor a child who's being hunted down by the mob? Even if Xu Yang tried to hide it, they would find out sooner or later, and then what? Would they be able to keep him? Would they even want to try?

Sure, they might. There's always a chance; there might not be many people fit to handle something like that, but they're out there, somewhere. If things were only a little bit different, Shao Fei might even be one of them.

Shao Fei glances into the rear view mirror again, at Xu Yang curled up in the back seat with the seat belt still clutched tight in his fist. Who could turn their back on someone who's suffered for so long, who deserves so much more than he has? Who's only ever done his very best, even though it's never been enough?

He's one to talk.

Tightening his hands around the steering wheel, Shao Fei does his best to keep his eyes on the road until they pull up in front of the hospital. Better late than never, right?

“Come on,” he says as he opens his door. “This is it.”

Xu Yang steps out of the car with much less fuss than Shao Fei expected, following him in through the hospital's front doors without objection, going wherever Shao Fei leads. Doctor Jiang is nowhere to be found, but a nurse he recognizes catches Shao Fei's eye and smiles brightly, gesturing at him to hold on a moment as she disappears down the hall.

“Trust me,” Shao Fei says when Xu Yang places his free hand over his injured arm, “this doctor's seen much worse than that. He's saved my life more than once.”

Xu Yang slides his hand up and down over his wound, looking down the hall where the nurse disappeared. “Is that why he doesn't think much of you?” he asks. “Because he has to keep saving your life?”

“He shouldn't think much of Tang Yi, if that's his reason,” Shao Fei scoffs, waving the comment off when Xu Yang looks at him strangely. “He thinks I'm too careless,” he says. “I keep getting myself into trouble and he says I'm taking up all his time.”

Xu Yang nods slowly, that strange expression not entirely gone from his face.

“Who's Tang Yi?”

Shao Fei smiles tightly. That is...quite a loaded question, isn't it. Given the circumstances.

“Tang Yi is my boyfriend,” he says.

There'll be plenty of time for all the rest of it later. Anyway, Jin Tang happens to appear from around the corner, and there are more important matters to tend to at the moment.

“Meng Shao Fei,” Jin Tang says loudly, striding down the hall toward them as he loops a stethoscope around his neck. “Do you think you're the only patient I have to take care of?”

“See?” Shao Fei mutters. “What did I tell you.”

“And who is this?” Jin Tang arches his eyebrows at Xu Yang. “You think I have nothing better to do than to be your personal concierge doctor, is that it? You plan to bring me every poor bystander who gets caught up in your recklessness from now on?”

“You say you're a doctor, you should be ready to see patients who need your help,” Shao Fei says. “This is Xu Yang, he's my—uh. I'm...taking care of him. He hurt his arm, a cut or a burn or something.”

“'Or something,'” Jin Tang mimics, reaching for Xu Yang's arm. “Now you're dragging innocent children into your messes? You should be ashamed.”

“I'll make a note for later,” Shao Fei says. “Is he going to be okay?”

Xu Yang's eyes dart erratically between them until Jin Tang leans in close to his arm, inspecting the red mark and applying gentle pressure that makes him flinch and pull away.

“The bone doesn't feel fractured,” Jin Tang says, straightening up and folding his arms in front of him. “Probably a bruise, but we should take an X-ray to be sure there's no breakage.”

The fear suddenly filling Xu Yang's eyes is disturbingly familiar, bringing Shao Fei straight back to the kitchen, back to snapping pea shoots and chopping bell peppers, the quiet terror of making the mistake that'll get him sent straight back to the streets, to the terrible unknown. Setting his hand on Xu Yang's shoulder, Shao Fei hopes his presence can offer some comfort, or maybe reassurance; anything to put Xu Yang's mind at ease. He's here to help, after all. He only wants to help.

“The X-ray room is this way,” Jin Tang says to Xu Yang. “Come with me.”

Shao Fei isn't sure whether or not to be surprised when Xu Yang blindly grabs his hand as Jin Tang starts back down the hall, dragging him along with them to the X-ray room. In the end, of course, it doesn't really matter whether it's a surprise or not; Shao Fei is plenty happy to accept it for exactly what it is.

And maybe just a little bit relieved.

Fortunately for all of them, the X-ray procedure only takes about fifteen minutes from end to end, even with the paperwork Jin Tang fills out in the middle. He quickly pronounces his initial assessment to be the correct one and sends a nurse to retrieve a sling for Xu Yang's injured arm.

“You're young, recovery should take about a month,” Jin Tang says. “But Meng Shao Fei, if this is how you treat people in your care, you should be ashamed. If you want to sustain yourself with nothing but instant noodles and Coke, that's your business, but this boy will need plenty of calcium and vitamin D to help him heal quickly.”

Shao Fei glares at him, but he can't mount much of a defense for himself without explaining the whole situation, and this isn't exactly the time for that. Not to mention, he doesn't want to know what kind of judgment Jin Tang would level on him when he heard.

“I'll do my best,” he says. It's obvious from the expression on Jin Tang's face that he knows he's not being given the full story, but as a mob doctor, he's plenty accustomed to that, and Shao Fei gives him the credit he's due for letting the matter slide.

“Protein, too,” Jin Tang says. “Calcium, vitamin D, and protein. Wear the brace for two weeks,” he instructs Xu Yang, “and ice it three times a day. Don't put any weight on it, and if it doesn't feel better in a month or so, have this guy bring you back here and I'll take another look.”

Xu Yang looks up at Shao Fei, and Shao Fei nods.

“We'll take care of it.”

Jin Tang glances down at the paperwork again, probably more for show than anything, and stands from his chair.

“Feel free to discharge yourselves,” he says.

“You've never said that to me before,” Shao Fei retorts as Jin Tang gets a lofty expression on his face.

“You've never deserved it.”

Shao Fei sneers at Jin Tang's retreating back, and Xu Yang stands hesitantly, reaching up to adjust the strap of the sling hanging from his shoulder.

“Let's get going before that crazy doctor changes his mind,” Shao Fei says. “Come on, I'll take you...back to my house, I guess, and I'd better call Zhao Zi at the station to let him know what's going on.”

Zhao Zi won't be pleased with him for taking the rest of the day, but maybe he'll understand when Shao Fei mentions Xu Yang's name. Of course, even that simple thing will certainly raise more questions than it answers, but it's not as though Shao Fei has much information at his disposal at the moment to share.

Out in front of the hospital, on the street, Shao Fei holds open the back door of the car. Xu Yang crawls in with only a small amount of difficulty, and Shao Fei slides into the driver's seat, shifting his gaze to the rear view mirror.

He won't push too hard just yet. They all have their secrets still; Xu Yang is allowed his privacy, after all. But if one of them is in danger, if both of them might be in danger... Well. Educated guesses and vague implications aren't going to be enough this time around.

“Those gangsters found you again, didn't they?”

Xu Yang buckles his seat belt and sets his free arm in his lap.

Shao Fei sighs.

“Doctor Jiang probably suspected as much, too,” he says. “Just so you know. He deals with that sort of thing a lot.”

Xu Yang reaches up to adjust the strap of his sling again, and Shao Fei starts the car engine.

“No one is going to get you in trouble,” he says. “For getting involved with those guys, I mean. You don't have to worry about that, so you should just be honest if something like this happens again.”

Xu Yang rubs his arm through the fabric of the sling, and Shao Fei pulls away from the curb.

“You'll be safe at my house,” he says. “The guys who are looking for you don't know you're with me, right? They don't have any reason to look for you there, not to mention they don't know where I live. And even if they do find it, the guards will keep them out.”

After a moment, Xu Yang's eyes meet his in the mirror's reflection.

“Is there takeout in the fridge?”

Shao Fei grins. It's not much, but it's a start.

“Better than that,” he says. “I've got spicy chicken.”

Turning his head, Xu Yang directs his attention out the window as they drive back to the compound, but just for a second there, Shao Fei is pretty sure he sees him smiling.

Not too bad.

***

Exactly as he does every Thursday at two o'clock, Shao Fei sits in the prison visitation room, eyeing the door on the other side of the glass that'll open any minute now, that'll bring Tang Yi out to see him, finally, breaking up their time apart that seems to stretch longer every week. Exactly as he does every Thursday, Shao Fei presses the telephone receiver to his ear as he waits, unwilling to waste even a moment of their time together, to make any more sacrifices than the ones they already have. Exactly as he does every Thursday, Shao Fei tries his best to straighten out the whirlwind of his thoughts, to pick out the important things Tang Yi will want to know, the funny stories he might like to hear.

Unlike every other Thursday, Shao Fei has no idea what he's supposed to say.

“I found a child,” he could start. That's terrible, not to mention incredibly misleading. “Something strange happened to me the other night.” That's not the right tone at all; what kind of frivolous situation is he making this out to be? “I wanted to get your opinion on something,” but does he though? What will he do if Tang Yi says no?

Blinking quickly, he refocuses his attention as the door opens and Tang Yi is shepherded in to sit on the opposite side of the glass, picking up the receiver in his cuffed hands and smiling, exactly as he always does when he lays his eyes on Shao Fei.

Unlike every other time he sees Shao Fei, he stops smiling almost at once.

“Shao Fei,” he says. “What's wrong?”

“Nothing,” Shao Fei says immediately. In fairness, it's technically a true statement; nothing's wrong, exactly, things are just...complicated.

If his narrowed eyes are any indication, Tang Yi isn't buying it.

“Are you hurt?”

“No,” Shao Fei says with all the certainty he can muster. “I'm fine. Hong Ye is fine. Everyone is fine.”

Tang Yi leans back in his chair a little, doing nothing to put Shao Fei's mind at ease, and waits. Damn, he's good at this, isn't he? All those years as the head of a mob syndicate gave him plenty of practice, that's for sure; it's no wonder Xing Tian Meng group was so successful in all their ventures.

Shao Fei takes a deep breath and lets it out on a heavy sigh.

“The other night,” he says, “last Friday, as I was leaving the station, I saw some gangsters beating someone up, demanding that he repay his debts.”

At his pause, Tang Yi hums quietly, suspiciously.

“You're sure you're not hurt?”

Shao Fei shakes his head. “I'm sure. They didn't touch me at all. The thing is, though, the person they were attacking was a kid, a little boy; his name is Xu Yang, he's only ten years old. His parents abandoned him here, I think they owed those gangsters some money and they must've run away when they couldn't pay it.”

The steely expression on Tang Yi's face is one he hasn't seen in a long time, and it's one he doesn't miss in the slightest. Whatever thoughts are running through Tang Yi's mind, murder is almost certainly a feature, although Shao Fei can't be sure at the moment exactly who the target is.

“He didn't have anywhere else to go,” Shao Fei continues, “and he looked like he hadn't eaten or bathed for days, so I took him back home with me. It was almost midnight,” he says forcefully before Tang Yi can interject, “I wasn't just going to leave him there, all alone, right after he'd been attacked by those thugs.”

Tang Yi's expression doesn't change, and Shao Fei takes a breath to steady his nerves, smiling to cover them, not entirely sure why he's even feeling anxious in the first place.

“On Monday, I left him with Social Services,” he says. “I figured that would be the end of it, but then yesterday, I was out at—on patrol, and I found him again. He'd run away from them, he said they were nice and wanted to help him, but I think... I think he's afraid people won't want to keep him when they find out he's a target of the mob. He's definitely had a hard life up to now, I don't know that things were so great even before his parents ran away, and whatever trouble he's in with that gang, he's scared of what they can do to him.”

He pauses again, in case Tang Yi wants to respond, but it's not particularly surprising when he doesn't. Shao Fei smiles, in case it might cut some of the tension in the air, and carries on.

“When I found him,” he says, “when I found him the second time, I mean, that gang had gotten a hold of him already, so I took him to see Doctor Jiang. He wouldn't talk about how he got hurt, what the gang members did to him, but he has a bruised bone in his arm, so then after we left the hospital, I took him back to the house again to stay the night. Then today I left him there while I went to work, I told him I'd try to be home early, but that in the meantime, he should stay there, where he'll be safe until we can figure out what's going on with those gangsters, and what we can do about it.”

The steeliness hasn't entirely left Tang Yi's eyes, but it doesn't seem quite as harsh, somehow; he's thinking, a lot and very fast, but he won't explain himself until he's good and ready.

Shao Fei tightens his grip on the telephone.

“I know we might be getting involved in something dangerous,” he says, “I know this isn't fair to you, me doing this while you're stuck in here, without even telling you about it first, but I couldn't just leave him out there all alone, Tang Yi, he doesn't have anyone. Even I already abandoned him once, and he doesn't have his parents, he doesn't have any brothers or sisters, I don't think he has any friends, and it's not his fault all this happened to him, it's not his fault his parents ran away without him, he—”

“Meng Shao Fei. Stop.”

Shao Fei snaps his mouth shut. When did he become so firmly committed to this? Has he already made up his mind without even realizing it? That's sure what it sounds like; when did that happen? Maybe this has always been a foregone conclusion, who knows. Tang Yi will understand, won't he? He has to, right?

Tang Yi shifts his arms a little, the cuffs clattering about his wrists, and adjusts the phone held to his ear.

“Of course you have to take him in.”

The relief that washes over Shao Fei at Tang Yi's pronouncement is all-encompassing, and something of a surprise. This is madness, this is completely insane, all of it. But it isn't a question, really. He knows he'll take care of Xu Yang as long as he has to, as long as he can to keep him safe. It won't be easy to figure out the logistics, but when has Meng Shao Fei ever turned down a challenge? Especially when the stakes are so high, and the results are so important.

“I'm sorry that this is all happening so suddenly,” he says. “I'm springing this on you out of nowhere when there's nothing you can do about it, can I even trust that you're not just being agreeable when you tell me to keep him?”

“Have you ever known me to do something like that?” Tang Yi smirks. “And this all started on Friday night, you said? When exactly would you have told me about it before now?”

That's true, fair enough. Shao Fei tilts his head from one side to the other. “I guess so, but so much has happened so quickly, I feel like I haven't really given any thought to any of it.”

Tang Yi nods, his lips going tight in that way they do when he's considering something seriously. “It won't be easy, though. You aren't just adopting a puppy.”

Shao Fei's eyes widen indignantly. “Of course I know that!” he says. “You don't think I can manage it?”

“I'm sure you'll see it through to the end no matter what. Just don't give this child any reason to sue you, I'm not sure he knows how to go about it.”

Laughing brightly, Shao Fei feels his chest lighten as a new future starts to take shape in the form of unexpected colors and a soothing warmth he remembers so well.

“Tang Yi.” His laughter leaves a gentle smile on his lips as he leans forward, his eyes going soft. “I love you.”

Tang Yi smiles back, his empty hand sliding as close to the window as he can reach without setting the phone down.

“Promise me you'll take care of yourself.”

Shao Fei nods. “I promise. And you, you have to promise me you're looking out for yourself, too.”

“Don't I always?”

Laying his palm against the glass, Shao Fei sharpens his expression to a glare. “Promise me.”

It's not much of a promise, they both know. There's only so much Tang Yi can do to keep himself safe, only so far he can go, but the words are something, all the same; a promise of good intentions, maybe, a promise that they haven't stopped thinking about each other, haven't stopped hoping, wishing for the best.

Tang Yi smiles again.

“I promise.”

For now, and every year still to come our way.

Chapter Text

It's not so surprising, this time around, when Shao Fei walks down to the kitchen in the early morning hours to find Xu Yang already sitting at the island. The whole idea of sleeping in on Saturdays, or ever, or even weekends in general, can't mean much to a kid living on the streets who only really cares about survival. Come to think of it, sleeping at all was probably a luxury.

At least Shao Fei can give him that. At least he has that much now.

“Good morning,” Shao Fei says with a smile. “What do you think, eggs and sausage today? Lots of protein, it'll help your arm.”

Xu Yang only looks slightly taken aback by the question, which is as good a sign of progress as any.

“Okay,” he says after a moment, sliding back in his seat when Shao Fei grins and sets a glass of orange juice in front of him.

“I'm sorry I came back so late last night,” Shao Fei says as he gathers ingredients from the refrigerator. “I hope you weren't too bored hanging around here by yourself, but since I was away from the station so much on Wednesday and Thursday, I had a lot of paperwork and stuff left to catch up on before the weekend.”

Nodding slowly, Xu Yang clasps his free hand around the glass and pulls it toward him, swirling it a little and watching the juice tilt up and down the sides.

“It's fine,” he says. “Don't worry about me.”

Shao Fei grins as he cracks eggs into a ceramic bowl. “Even so,” he says, “I was thinking, you don't have a lot of clothing, right? Do you have anything besides what you're wearing now?”

Reaching up to twist his fingers in his shirt collar, Xu Yang shakes his head.

“I don't have anything to do today since it's Saturday,” Shao Fei says, “so we can go shopping, if you want. That way you don't have to keep washing those every night. And then you won't have to borrow my shirts anymore! Oh—” he stops himself when Xu Yang's face begins to fall, “it's fine that you're borrowing my clothes, I don't mind, you still can if you want to. I just thought you might want to have some that are yours.”

Taking about five seconds of hindsight, it's not surprising that those last ones are the words that finally make Xu Yang's eyes widen, his hand freezing in the thin fabric of his shirt and then dropping down to his lap. The idea that that's even an option, that someone might be willing to buy Xu Yang something he needs, something he wants— How long has it been now? How long since he had anyone around him who had the means, or anyone even thought to try?

Shao Fei shakes his head as he turns on the stove. He has to stop thinking like that; Xu Yang is here now. All those hardships he endured in the past, Shao Fei won't keep shaping his actions around them. Trying too hard to make up for things he doesn't know about doesn't make any sense, and if he's too careless, he'll just end up reminding Xu Yang of everything it would be better to put behind him.

He'll get the hang of this eventually.

“So where do you want to go?”

Regretting the question immediately, Shao Fei tries to chase away visions of Xu Yang rattling off a list of thirty stores that'll keep them out all day long, or naming some expensive boutique Shao Fei wouldn't be allowed into even if he wore his best suit and combed his hair. Not that Tang Yi can't afford something like that, if it's really what Xu Yang wants, but Shao Fei isn't too keen to spend his boyfriend's money without letting him know about it, especially when he's...where he is right now.

Of course, it might be that none of that matters, if Xu Yang doesn't say anything at all. Shao Fei looks over his shoulder, mindlessly scrambling the eggs.

“Xu Yang?”

His eyes back on his orange juice, Xu Yang shakes his head.

It suddenly occurs to Shao Fei that those are some pretty stupid concerns.

“Never mind, it's okay,” he says as he lowers the heat under the burner. “But to be honest with you, I don't really know what stores would be good ones to start with, either; I never really plan ahead too much when I'm buying clothes for myself. I guess we could go to a shopping mall and wander around, what do you think?”

Xu Yang picks up his glass and takes a drink.

Shao Fei spoons half the eggs onto one plate and half onto another.

“We can figure it out after breakfast,” he says.

Xu Yang sets his glass down on the table and nods.

It shouldn't be surprising, Shao Fei thinks as he fires the burner back up to fry the sausages. It shouldn't be surprising that Xu Yang doesn't speak much, it shouldn't be surprising that he doesn't seem entirely comfortable here. Yet, doesn't seem entirely comfortable here yet. It's been all of what, a day? Maybe two, if he strains a definition. Shao Fei should be understanding, he needs to be understanding. And patient. And think ahead on things like clothing and food and—school, probably? Is that a bad idea, is Xu Yang too far behind for that? And is it too dangerous to send him into that kind of environment, considering whatever gang business he's tied up with?

Speaking of which, they still need to figure out what all is going on there, and more importantly, how to make it stop. Of course, the best way to find those answers is to get them out of Xu Yang, but if he's not talking, Shao Fei sure isn't going to force him; there must be some other way to figure out who those guys are, and Shao Fei will find out what it is, one way or another.

“Here,” he says, plating the sausages. “Let's go to the table, huh? You can take your juice with you.”

Xu Yang slides out of his seat and shuffles over to the dining area, placing his glass on the side of the table closest to the window, and waits for Shao Fei to come over and set the plates down before he sits.

It's a nice day out, it looks like. Not too bad if they need to do a little exploring before they figure out where to go.

“Besides clothes shopping,” Shao Fei says, “is there anything else you want to do?”

Xu Yang spears a sausage on his fork.

“No.”

Shao Fei scoops up a forkful of eggs.

“Okay,” he says. “Well, while we're out, if you see any stores or anything that look interesting, let me know and we can check them out.”

Taking a bite of his sausage, Xu Yang nods.

“Okay.”

Following through on the agreement is something else entirely, but even just the fact that he said it puts a smile on Shao Fei's face. Sure enough, he'll prove that Xu Yang can trust him; little by little, they'll get there. Sooner or later, it'll all come around.

“You can go wash up if you haven't,” Shao Fei says as they finish their meals, “or...wait out here, or in the—in your room, if you want. I just have one more thing to do before we leave.”

Xu Yang stands from his chair looking slightly unsure of himself, but only hesitates a moment before he starts down the hall back to the room Shao Fei has apparently just handed over to him. Shao Fei contents himself to watch Xu Yang walk away before he brings their plates back to the sink, setting them down and fishing his phone out of his pocket.

“Shao Fei?” Zhao Zi says, sounding a little disoriented. “Are you okay? Is Xu Yang okay?”

“He's fine,” Shao Fei says. “I'm fine. Good morning. I'm just calling because I was wondering if you had any...tips or anything, any ideas I hadn't thought of.”

“What are you talking about?” Zhao Zi asks over what sounds like a muffled yawn. “Is this about a case? Is it those gangsters?”

Cradling his phone against his shoulder, Shao Fei turns on the tap. “Kind of. I mean, no, but it is about Xu Yang.”

“You're sure he's okay?”

Shao Fei smiles as he scrubs the dishes. “He's fine,” he says. “He doesn't have any clothes or anything, though, so we're going to go out today and buy some, but I think I should have thought of that earlier, don't you? At least it should have come up when I was talking to Tang Yi. And he'll need to be enrolled in school, but I don't know if that's such a good idea right now, or if he might run away again.”

Zhao Zi pauses a second before he sighs in that wearied way he has, and Shao Fei knows exactly the type of pouting expression he has on his face right now. But what else is he supposed to do, huh? Who else is he supposed to ask about this sort of thing? Dao Yi?

Actually...

Well, it's a little late for that now.

“You want advice about buying clothes,” Zhao Zi says then, “why don't you ask Hong Ye?”

“You think I have a death wish?” Shao Fei retorts. “I'm not calling for that anyway, more like I'm wondering if there's anything else you can think of that I forgot. Any advice you can give me.”

“Why do you think I know this stuff any better than you do?”

“I don't know, you're the only one around for me to ask!”

Zhao Zi huffs another of his little sighs, but rather than try to argue in his own defense, his words come out so quiet that Shao Fei can't understand him at all, as though he's moved the phone away from his mouth. He's probably talking to Jack; in that case, maybe it's for the best that Shao Fei can't hear them.

“Okay,” Zhao Zi says suddenly, “we'll be to your place in five minutes.”

Shao Fei's mouth drops open, water spilling over his shirt sleeve when his hand slips on the soapy plates.

“What?”

“Just hang on a little,” Zhao Zi says. “We'll be quick.”

“That's not—”

“See you soon!”

Shao Fei stares at his phone for a second before he puts it back in his pocket.

That isn't quite how this was supposed to go.

Coming over must have been Jack's idea. Shao Fei certainly isn't going to let them dress Xu Yang up in leather jackets and leopard print shirts, and realistically, that probably isn't his plan anyway, but then, what does he hope to get out of this? Maybe he suspects that Xu Yang is some kind of plant? No, that's stupid; not even those idiot gangsters who are after Xu Yang would try something like that. Would they? Is this all just a ridiculously clumsy front, a badly-organized attempt to carry out some long-standing revenge on Tang Yi?

Shao Fei scowls at himself as he dries the dishes. He's been watching too many dramas.

Realistically speaking, though, Jack might have all sorts of reasons for wanting to come over right now, and Shao Fei has no way of knowing which one is the truth. He might as well just wait and ask him; what did Zhao Zi say, five minutes? He can bear his curiosity that long.

“Xu Yang?” he calls, turning toward the hall. “It'll be a few minutes more, Zhao Zi and Jack are coming over too.”

After a minute or so, Xu Yang comes back to the kitchen, standing behind the island as Shao Fei puts the plates away in the cabinet.

“Why are they coming?”

Shao Fei shakes his head. “I have no idea,” he says. “They don't mean any harm, I'm sure, but we can ask them what they want when they get here. Jack has a motorcycle, it won't take long.”

Looking off toward the living room, Xu Yang nods, and Shao Fei leans back against the counter.

“You're okay with this, right?” he asks. “Okay with them?”

Xu Yang nods again, and Shao Fei frowns.

“You know you can tell me if something's wrong.”

Xu Yang looks back up, his eyebrows slightly raised, his eyes a little wide.

“I know,” he says.

That's good; Shao Fei just hopes he isn't saying it because he thinks it's what Shao Fei wants to hear.

“Okay,” he says. “Who knows, maybe Zhao Zi will have some ideas for where to start when we go out.”

Just then, the sound of a motorcycle engine rumbles up the driveway, attracting Xu Yang's attention as Shao Fei walks over to open the door.

“Hi Xu Yang!” Zhao Zi says as soon as he enters, leaning sideways to wave around Shao Fei. Xu Yang raises his arm and waves awkwardly back, and Shao Fei moves a bit to the side so everyone can see each other more clearly.

“So,” he says, “what are you two doing here?”

Zhao Zi shrugs. “You said you wanted help.”

“I did not, I asked you for advice.”

“It's easier this way!”

Yeah, that's a reason. Shao Fei rolls his eyes.

“Jack,” he says, leaning to his right and looking over Zhao Zi's head, “why are you here?”

Jack slings his arm around Zhao Zi's shoulders with a finely-tuned, slightly murderous grin on his face. “Call it a professional interest.”

Shao Fei lowers his gaze back to Zhao Zi and arches his eyebrows, and Zhao Zi looks up at Jack with those sad doe eyes of his that make Jack smile like he's forgotten about the rest of the world around them and almost makes Shao Fei forget that he's a mercenary for hire.

Formerly.

“Professional interest?” Shao Fei echoes.

Jack adjusts his arm around Zhao Zi.

“You've been busy the last couple of days.”

Shao Fei narrows his eyes. It would sound like some kind of threat, if he wasn't so familiar with Jack's normal tone of voice.

“Yes...”

Jack glances past him to Xu Yang, still lingering by the kitchen island.

“Not a lot of time to chase down cases without any leads.”

Shao Fei shifts his weight backwards. Even after all this time, it still puts him on edge when Jack starts acting like this.

“I've got lots of things that need doing,” he says. “Just because I don't have a lot of time for them doesn't mean I'm not getting them done.”

Without seeming to realize he's doing it, Jack tightens his arm around Zhao Zi; Zhao Zi reaches to take his hand, tilting his head to look up at him as Jack puts that sharp smile on again.

“So you can't have a lot of time to spend figuring out who those gangsters are.”

Oh, hey, is that what this is about? Because Shao Fei is doing everything he can to protect Xu Yang, it's not his fault those idiots haven't shown their faces again.

“Do you have any leads?” he asks pointedly.

Jack's smile disappears at once, all business now. “Not yet,” he says, “but you asked why I wanted to come here. I don't like having an enemy I don't understand, and you said so yourself, you don't have the time to take on independent investigations right now.”

Shao Fei frowns a little. He wasn't the one who said that. Although, to be fair, having Jack's help in figuring out who's after Xu Yang will definitely make the process move along faster, whatever devious means he plans on using to figure this case out without any leads.

“I'm not going to let you interrogate Xu Yang.”

Jack drops his arm from Zhao Zi's shoulders to raise his hands, shaking his head. “I wouldn't!”

His suspicions not decreased in the slightest, Shao Fei looks over his shoulder at Xu Yang, still standing by the kitchen island and watching them all talk about him.

“So what are you planning on doing?”

Jack lowers his hands and slips one into his pocket, the one where he keeps his trusty butterfly knife, which isn't exactly the most comforting of gestures, but Shao Fei decides it's best to let it slide for now.

“With all due respect to your skills as a police officer,” Jack says, “there are things a person picks up living as a gang member that they don't teach you at the academy.”

Yes, well. There's no denying that. Typically, Shao Fei considers his one-step-removed familiarity with most gang activity to be a plus, but in this instance, this one instance in particular, Jack's insider perspective might just be helpful enough for him to look past all the baggage he happens to know comes with it.

Shao Fei sighs.

“Just...try not to stab anybody.”

Jack smiles that sharp smile of his again, and Shao Fei shakes his head.

“Let's get in the car.”

Jack promptly turns to walk back out the way he came in, and Shao Fei ushers Xu Yang out the door after him, moving to follow along when Zhao Zi stops him with a hand on his arm. Shao Fei takes one last look after Xu Yang before he turns his attention to his friend.

“What's wrong?”

Zhao Zi glances at Xu Yang as well, his expression unusually troubled.

“You really don't know anything about them?” he asks. “The gangsters chasing Xu Yang?”

Shao Fei frowns. “You know, it's not like I know every gang member in town just because I spent so long tracking down Tang Yi.”

“That's not what I meant.”

Shaking his head, Shao Fei starts down the drive as Zhao Zi follows along.

“No,” he says, “I really don't. But I think I'd recognize them if I saw them again, and I'm sure Xu Yang would, too.”

“Do you think they're dangerous?”

Shao Fei hums a deliberate note. “I think they were beating up a defenseless kid for money he doesn't have,” he says. “I think if I see them again, they're not going to be out on the streets much longer.”

“Yeah,” Zhao Zi says, slowing his pace as they near the car, “but if you do that, do you think someone else will come after him? You think the debt is that big?”

Shao Fei pauses with his hand on the door handle. Could it be? He doesn't know anything about Xu Yang's parents, really, or the nature of the debt itself; then again, he doesn't know how big the gang is that's chasing Xu Yang down, either, whether the guys shaking him down the other night are part of a syndicate bigger than Xing Tian Meng used to be, or just a couple of losers trying to make a name for themselves.

“I don't think so,” he decides. “I hope not. It's a pretty bad situation, but all we can do is wait for them to show up again.”

Zhao Zi walks around to the passenger door and puts his hand on the car roof.

“I guess,” he says. “But I don't like it.”

“Who would?” Shao Fei opens the driver's side door. “Let's get going, we can worry about this later.”

Zhao Zi sighs and gets in the car.

“Where are we going?”

Shao Fei shrugs. “I don't know, the mall? Where do you usually go?”

Zhao Zi looks down at his own printed shirt. “The markets, I guess. I don't really think about it.”

He should have expected as much. In fairness, though, a couple of overworked and underpaid police officers aren't exactly the best source of information for something like this. Maybe he should have asked Hong Ye.

Shao Fei shakes his head. Does he want Xu Yang to end up with some new dry-clean only wardrobe of maybe five pieces that still cost twenty times his annual salary? No, the market is a fine place to start, and there will be plenty of places around to stop for lunch later on.

“Let's start with the markets, then.”

Zhao Zi nods. “Oh, Xu Yang,” he says, turning to look over his shoulder, “how is it living with Shao Fei? Does he yell at you when you touch his clothes?”

“That suit cost NTD$60,000!”

“Only because you wouldn't take the discount Tang Yi offered you.”

“He was making fun of me!”

Waving him off, Zhao Zi grabs the back of his seat to turn himself around more fully, smiling when Xu Yang looks at him bewilderedly.

“He's...” Xu Yang clasps his free hand around the strap of the sling hung over his shoulder and shakes his head. “He—he doesn't yell at me.”

Zhao Zi nods. “That's good. And he gives you enough to eat, right? Jack can come over and make breakfast again, if you need him to.”

Xu Yang turns to Jack, who smiles brightly, and then back to Zhao Zi.

“We had spicy chicken.”

Zhao Zi grins. “With Coke?”

Xu Yang meets Shao Fei's eyes in the rear view mirror. “Um...”

Shao Fei shakes his head. “You don't have to answer his questions.”

Slowly dropping his hand from his sling, Xu Yang looks back at Zhao Zi and shakes his head as well.

“We didn't have any Coke.”

“Oh.” Zhao Zi turns back around to face frontwards. “Okay, maybe next time.”

Xu Yang looks at Jack, but he only shrugs.

It doesn't take much longer to get to the market after all that. Shao Fei parks on the street and they all pile out at once, Xu Yang drifting toward Shao Fei and Jack slipping his hand back into his butterfly knife pocket. No one around seems especially suspicious to Shao Fei, but then again, Jack probably knows what he's looking for.

“Have you ever been here before?” Shao Fei asks Xu Yang, even though he's reasonably certain the answer is “no.”

Sure enough, Xu Yang shakes his head, eyeing all the people milling around them and edging closer still to Shao Fei.

“Look around here,” Shao Fei says, gesturing toward a few stalls piled high with clothes, “tell me if you see something you like and we can get a closer look. See there, it looks like they have a lot of t-shirts, or there are some jackets over here...”

They wander about for a while until Zhao Zi spies a rack of novelty anime-themed sweaters, dragging Jack over to inspect them. At another stall a little ways down the street, Xu Yang finds his way over to a row of dark shirts, reaching hesitantly for the fabric like he's waiting for someone to tell him not to touch it.

“You like this one?” Shao Fei asks, reaching over Xu Yang's head to check the shirt's size as Xu Yang rubs the cotton between his fingers and nods. “Me too, it's really soft. You wear a small?”

Xu Yang nods again, and Shao Fei picks the hanger off the rack.

“Okay, let's keep—”

“You two-timing piece of shit!”

Dropping the fabric as though it's caught fire, Xu Yang immediately scrambles backwards at the thundering accusation, skidding into the racks and knocking against the wall as Shao Fei wheels around, raising his arms defensively and stepping sideways to hide Xu Yang from the large man lumbering toward them. That's definitely the asshole from the other night, and Shao Fei didn't see for himself, but he'd put money down on the skinny guy behind him being the getaway driver. Together, they look like stock characters out of some children's cartoon show, and Shao Fei might take a minute to make fun of them if he wasn't so furious.

“You haven't even paid us what you owe, and you're taking money from someone else!” the guy shouts at Xu Yang, cowering under the hangers. “Don't think you can cover your ass by getting this idiot to pay your debts for you!”

“I'm an idiot?” Shao Fei snaps, planting his front foot firmly on the ground. “You're the one assaulting a minor and a police captain in broad daylight!”

The uncertainty crossing the man's face tells him clearly enough that he doesn't remember Shao Fei, and insulting or not, having even a small element of surprise can't hurt him at the moment.

“You are under arrest,” Shao Fei says, his arms still raised and his fists clenched tight. “For assault and extortion!”

“Under arrest?” the man laughs, his uncertainty vanishing as he reaches into his jacket pocket with the unrestrained confidence of a man certain he has the upper hand. “I'd like to see you try!”

Shit. Shao Fei bites the edge of his lip; he can't leave Xu Yang undefended, but he doesn't have his cuffs on him, or really any way to subdue this guy and get him to the car, and on top of all that, it's almost a sure bet that whatever he has in his pocket is some kind of weapon, and Shao Fei doesn't have the slightest idea what his partner might be carrying.

Speaking of which, what happened to that partner?

“If you'd like,” Jack says suddenly, appearing seemingly out of thin air, “you and I could sort this out like the gangsters we are.”

Behind Jack, Zhao Zi stands with the large man's partner restrained against a wall, his hands cuffed behind his back and panic written all across his face. Jack must have told Zhao Zi to bring the cuffs along, maybe hoping for an unlikely moment just like this one, or planning some now-unnecessary manhunt of his own; these guys are completely out of their depth, no question. No wonder they didn't bother to remember Shao Fei's face, they don't have the slightest idea what they're doing. Whoever it is who wants Xu Yang's debt repaid, they don't seem to consider it a matter of much importance.

“You?” the large man replies, ignoring his partner completely. “I know you, you're with Xing Tian Meng. They're out of the game, you don't have any leverage over me.”

Jack's mouth twitches into that shark-like grin again, not too different but somehow much more threatening than the one he showed in Shao Fei's living room as his knife appears in his hand in the blink of an eye, the blade flipping open and closed with that familiar rhythmic click.

“I'm honored that you recognize me,” he says, taking a step forward. “And it's true that Xing Tian Meng has cleaned up their business, but you should know that for those who've been 'in the game,' as you say, as long as I have, some habits are harder to break than others. Would you like to find out which ones are giving me the most trouble?”

The man looks between Jack and Shao Fei, obviously weighing his options, and Jack flicks his knife again.

“Or if you prefer,” he says, “you could come along quietly. I'm sure Captain Meng would be happy to take you somewhere you can get a nice long rest.”

The man keeps looking back and forth, the escape plans in his head no doubt becoming more and more elaborate until the instant it becomes unavoidably obvious that his only real choice is between going with Shao Fei or having his throat slit. Jack keeps clicking his knife for good measure, and Shao Fei grabs the man's arms, pinning them behind his back.

“Xu Yang?” he says, daring to glance behind himself at Xu Yang, still tucked up against the wall.

Damn, this is no good. Even if there was room, he wouldn't put Xu Yang in the same car as these guys, but what is he supposed to do, frog march them back to the station? That's miles away, and the bigger one isn't even cuffed.

“Zhao Zi,” he says impulsively, turning back to his partner. “Put that one in my car; Jack, come with me, we'll drive them to the station, and Zhao Zi, you take Xu Yang back to my house, we'll meet you there.”

It may be a risk to say as much out loud, but it's not like these guys know where Shao Fei lives, and if he has anything to say about it, they won't be getting out in time to make any use of that information, anyway.

As it is, Zhao Zi nods firmly and hauls his prisoner back to the main road as Shao Fei picks up the shirt Xu Yang had selected and winds it around his own prisoner's wrists, knotting them behind his back. It's no long-term solution, but it should do well enough for the time being.

“Xu Yang,” he says, turning again to find him no longer crouched on the ground but still pinning himself to the wall. “Go with Zhao Zi, okay, he'll take you back to the house. I'll be there soon, I promise.”

Xu Yang stares at him with wide eyes, his arms wrapped tight around himself, and Shao Fei smiles as reassuringly as he can manage.

“Trust me, everything's going to be okay.”

Sparing a frightened glance at the man in Shao Fei's restraint, Xu Yang runs past him, down the street to Zhao Zi and the waiting car. Shao Fei makes sure to twist the makeshift restraints tighter, shoving the man forward down the same path.

“Well,” Jack says as they walk down the street. “That was some shopping trip.”

Shao Fei glares ahead and yanks on his prisoner's restraints again.

“It was worth it.”

And he'd do it again. As many times as it takes.

That said, they should probably try the mall tomorrow.

Chapter Text

Whether it's because Captain Meng is the one to bring them in, or because he's accompanied by Jack casually wielding his butterfly knife, or maybe the officers on the weekend shift just don't have enough of their own work to do, it hardly takes any time at all to set the gangsters up for processing. As he hands them off to his colleagues, Shao Fei catches himself jumping back in time, the picture clear in his mind of Tang Yi pressing his gun to the back of Ah Zhi's head and demanding that he beg Lao Tang's forgiveness as Shao Fei understands for a second, just a second, how the merciless cruelty of murder might be worth it.

“Make sure you lock them up tight,” he says, jerking the makeshift restraint tied around his prisoner's wrists one last time before he turns him over. The receiving officer nods, moving swiftly to replace the shirt with a real pair of cuffs, and Shao Fei watches with narrowed eyes as she leads the man off to the holding cells.

“You know they won't be able to keep them for long,” Jack says.

Shao Fei does. Police captain or not, most of his so-called evidence is just his own suspicions and conjecture; without anything solid connecting them to Xu Yang's parents, the only way they'll be successfully charged with anything at all is if Xu Yang himself testifies, and the thought of asking something like that makes Shao Fei feel sick to his stomach.

“They will,” he says. “When we find the rest of them.”

Jack looks uncertainly at the prisoners' retreating backs, but this is no time to get caught up in those kinds of details. There will be plenty of time for all that later, after the adrenaline has worn off.

Right now, the most important thing is making sure that Xu Yang is safe.

“Let's go back to the house.”

Shao Fei heads back to the door without waiting for acknowledgment, and it's to his credit that Jack doesn't hesitate to follow. The world around them is cut down to a tunnel, a straight shot to the car, a straight road to the house. Jack sits in the passenger seat, keeping his mouth shut and thinking probably a thousand thoughts at once, and Shao Fei tries to take deep breaths as he drives, and drives.

Speaking practically, it's not actually that far back from the station, but somehow it still feels like coming into another world as he drives through the gate, the pool and the rolling grounds helping to calm Shao Fei's nerves as he parks the car and leads Jack past the swing set to the front door.

“Shao Fei.” Zhao Zi stands from the couch as they enter, taking an uncertain step forward.

Nodding a distracted greeting, Shao Fei looks past him into the empty living room and around toward the kitchen.

“Where's Xu Yang?”

Zhao Zi winces.

“In the guest room,” he says hesitantly. “He went in there as soon as we got back and he hasn't come out.”

Of course that makes sense; Shao Fei is supposed to be the one keeping Xu Yang safe, and what does he do? He takes him out on a field trip to be accosted by the very same guys he's supposed to be keeping him safe from, that's what. No wonder Xu Yang has hidden himself away, he's probably terrified.

“It's his room,” he says, walking down the hall with his head tilted a little as though it'll help him hear better, the way people always seem to do in movies. “Xu Yang?” he calls. “Everything is okay now! We took those men to the police station and they're all locked away.”

The bedroom door doesn't budge.

Shao Fei knocks on the frame. “Xu Yang?”

Still no answer. Shao Fei frowns; he doesn't want to intrude on Xu Yang's privacy or anything, but this is pretty important, and isn't it good news? Even if he doesn't have much new information yet to share, Xu Yang still might have some questions he can answer.

Shaking his head, Shao Fei opens the door.

“Xu Yang!”

Strangely, it seems that the room is empty. The windows are all still closed, nothing is broken; Xu Yang didn't make a break for it, which would be kind of an odd thing to do at this point anyway, but then where did he go? Shao Fei steps inside, letting the door fall closed behind him as he walks to the bathroom.

“Xu Yang?”

No answer there, either. Flexing his fists, an anxious gesture, Shao Fei turns to leave when a small movement in the corner on the opposite side of the room catches his eye, and he walks around to the other side of the bed instead.

There, huddled in the corner between the mattress and the side table, Xu Yang sits with his face tucked in against his knees as he hugs them to his chest.

“Xu Yang.” Kneeling down, Shao Fei reaches out to set his hand on Xu Yang's back, only for him to flinch away at the touch and shake his head.

Shao Fei sits back on the floor and lowers his hand.

“You heard me say we got them, right?” he asks. “Both of those guys who were attacking you, we locked them up back at the police station.”

Clutching at his still-healing arm as though he can manage to hold himself tighter, Xu Yang shakes his head again.

Shao Fei frowns a little. He's seen traumatized victims before, traumatized children even, but this sort of reaction usually comes before the criminals are captured. Is Xu Yang in more trouble than he's let on? What could he be hiding that's frightening him so much?

Leaning forward again, Shao Fei raises his hand to Xu Yang's shoulder.

“Xu Yang, what's wrong?”

Caught in his little corner, Xu Yang tries to shove himself further away from Shao Fei's touch, kicking blindly in his direction.

“You lied,” he says, pulling his knees back to his chest and rubbing his palm to his eye. “You said it's safe here, you said I could trust you!”

“It is! You can!” Shao Fei exclaims, fumbling for his wallet. “You, you definitely can, I'm a police officer, the captain of Unit Three! That big building where those guys were attacking you when we first met, I work there! Zhao Zi too!”

Xu Yang shakes his head yet again, and Shao Fei sits back, dropping his wallet to the floor. Showing Xu Yang his badge was kind of a silly idea, anyway; it's not like he hasn't already seen it. Whatever happened to scare him so much, seeing it again won't convince him of anything.

“Xu Yang,” he says softly, lowing his head to look him in the eye. “Why do you think you can't trust me any more?”

Still shaking his head, Xu Yang squeezes his eyes shut and wraps his free arm back around his legs.

“You can't trick me,” he says. “Gangsters always lie.”

Gang—

Oh.

Oh, no.

Oh, they really messed this one up, didn't they?

Crawling to his knees, Shao Fei settles himself in front of Xu Yang, folding his hands in his lap and trying not to look as nervous as he feels.

“Xu Yang,” he says. “Is this about what happened at the market? About what Jack said? Because that's...” He averts his eyes with a heavy sigh. “I probably should have told you this before. But I'll tell you now, the whole story, so please promise me you'll listen.”

Xu Yang ducks down and covers his ears as best he can.

“Gangsters always lie!”

Shao Fei looks down at his hands, feeling his forehead crease as he frowns. He understands, he really does; he used to see the world in those black and white terms too, a lifetime ago. Things are so much easier that way.

“I'm not a gangster,” he says. “Neither is Zhao Zi. And neither is Jack, not anymore. He was just trying to scare that man off before, so he wouldn't hurt you, or anyone else.”

Hunching his shoulders up near his ears, Xu Yang curls himself up somehow even smaller, still pressed into his little corner.

“I don't believe you.”

Shao Fei clenches his jaw and hopes as hard as he can that he's not about to make a huge mistake.

“I know you don't,” he says. “But I'm going to tell you anyway.”

Xu Yang squeezes his eyes shut, and Shao Fei curls his hands into fists, his lips parting even though he doesn't have the right words yet.

Where to begin?

Shao Fei closes his mouth and tries again.

“Do you remember at the hospital,” he says, “I told you about Tang Yi?”

Xu Yang glares at him now, that familiar old expression, and Shao Fei smiles.

“My boyfriend,” he says. “I went to visit him on Thursday, that was why I came home early.”

Xu Yang keeps glaring, and Shao Fei lowers his eyes a little.

“I have to go visit him because he's in prison,” he says. “Because he used to be a gangster, too.”

Turning himself as far as he can toward the bed, Xu Yang tucks his shoulder up as though to protect himself from Shao Fei's words, and Shao Fei sighs. This isn't going very well, is it? Of course, he doesn't have much choice now but to tell the rest of it.

“When he was a child,” Shao Fei starts over, “Tang Yi was living on the streets, just like you. He and Hong Ye, they found each other and they stuck together, but they didn't have any family, they were all alone with nowhere to go. Then one day, a man named Tang Guo Dong found them, and he took them in to his home. He raised them, like his own children, and he was very good to them.”

His eyes still narrowed bitterly, Xu Yang dares to peek out at Shao Fei; even if he doesn't believe yet that Shao Fei is telling the truth, maybe he's curious enough to listen, and at least that's a place to start.

“Tang Guo Dong was the leader of Xing Tian Meng,” Shao Fei says, refusing to lose his resolve when the name of the gang makes Xu Yang turn away again. “And he raised Tang Yi to follow in his footsteps, teaching him how to take over the gang some day. But not how you think, not as a gang the way it was when it started, selling drugs and everything; Tang Guo Dong understood that there are more important things than just having a lot of money, he wanted to give all of his brothers a normal life that they could live for themselves. He wanted Tang Yi to have that kind of normal life, too.”

When Shao Fei stops talking and Xu Yang peeks over his shoulder again, his glare doesn't seem quite so bitter as before. Is Shao Fei imagining it? Maybe, but it still seems like a good sign. He's come this far, anyway, he might as well keep going.

“Tang Guo Dong spent a lot of time trying to change the way Xing Tian Meng works so they didn't have to be criminals anymore,” he says. “It was hard, because a lot of his brothers didn't want to stop being gang members, but he was doing it anyway, and he was making progress. But...”

Shao Fei pauses; it's been a long while now, but the wounds still burn sometimes.

“But then some very desperate people made some very bad decisions,” he goes on, “and...Tang Guo Dong was killed. Then Tang Yi took over Xing Tian Meng, and he worked as hard as he could to fulfill his promise to Tang Guo Dong, to stop selling drugs and give his brothers a normal life, and now...”

Despite everything, Shao Fei finds himself smiling as he remembers how far they've all come. How much better they are now than when they started.

“Tang Yi is in prison for a while to make amends for all the bad things he did,” he says, an explanation much too simple for the suffering he endured to get there and the sacrifice he's making in the name of doing the right thing, but good enough for now. “He made mistakes, and he's paying for them, but Xu Yang, believe me that he's not that person anymore. Neither is Jack, neither is Hong Ye. They don't want to hurt you. I don't want to hurt you. Whatever gang is looking for you, whoever is trying to hurt you or take money from you, we're not going to let them. I promise.”

It would be nice if things could be so easy. If Shao Fei could say words like “I promise,” and everything would be all better just like that. Real life isn't so simple, though, and real people are much more complicated; Xu Yang deserves his distrust and his fear, he deserves to be angry with Shao Fei for hiding all of this from him.

But Shao Fei won't leave him all alone.

Setting his hand on the floor, Shao Fei leans forward, enough to offer comfort if Xu Yang wants it, hopefully not too close to make him feel trapped. At least Xu Yang hasn't turned away again; there may be hope for them yet.

“Xu Yang,” Shao Fei says, as sincerely as he can manage. “I understand how you're feeling, I really do. And I know this is a lot to hear at once. But even if you can't accept it right now, I hope you won't give up on all the people here who want to help you. I hope you won't give up on me.”

There's only so much his words can do, Shao Fei knows. Making the same promises over and over again will only get him so far. But even if he doesn't believe them yet, maybe Xu Yang will give them a chance for now, maybe he'll decide to trust them enough to stay one more night. And then maybe another after that, and so on until the days have added up to weeks, and months, and years.

Maybe if he's lucky, Xu Yang won't be gone in the morning.

Hoping for the best, Shao Fei takes some comfort in the fact that Xu Yang doesn't try to kick him again as he stands up from the floor.

“I'll be around if you want to talk,” he says. “Tell me when you get hungry, maybe Zhao Zi can get Jack to make us something for lunch.”

Xu Yang looks up at him, not exactly glaring anymore, even though his eyes are still cold, and Shao Fei smiles.

They'll make mistakes, trying to make their way through this life they've found themselves thrown into, but they'll fix them all, a little bit at a time.

Shao Fei closes the door behind him when he goes, making his way back to the living room as Zhao Zi scrambles up off the couch, his face full of worry.

“What happened? Is everything okay?”

Waving vaguely, Shao Fei sits down in the chair beside the couch and props his chin up on his fist.

“I don't know.”

Zhao Zi stands over him another moment before he returns to the couch, sitting down as Jack automatically drapes his arm around his shoulders.

“What happened?”

Shao Fei drops his hands into his lap.

“He heard that guy say Jack was in Xing Tian Meng,” he says, “and now he thinks I'm lying to him. He thinks we're all lying to him, he thinks we're gangsters. 'Gangsters always lie,' that's what he said.”

Jack flinches a little.

“What did you say?” Zhao Zi asks.

“What could I say?” Shao Fei smiles wryly. “I told him about Tang Guo Dong and Tang Yi, and how Tang Yi is reforming Xing Tian Meng. That he'll—” He stops himself before his thoughts take too much of a tangent down that road, before he makes himself too upset thinking about how Tang Yi isn't here with him. “That he's paying for all his mistakes, but everything will be okay when he gets out of prison.”

“He didn't believe you?”

Shao Fei rubs the back of his head. “I don't know. I really don't. Maybe. If I can catch the leader of that gang that's trying to attack him, I'm sure that would help, but those idiots don't know anything, and I can't ask Xu Yang about it, but...I don't know where else to look.”

He doesn't expect Zhao Zi to have an answer to his question or anything like that, but he's a perfectly sensible person—or, well, at least he's a good police officer, he might have some helpful suggestions, or maybe Jack knows something. Neither of them looks especially thoughtful at the moment, though; actually, they both look sort of...nervous?

“What is it?” Shao Fei asks. “Did you figure something out, what's wrong?”

Zhao Zi casts his eyes away for a second before he speaks.

“Shao Fei,” he says, mindlessly threading his fingers together with Jack's as he looks back at Shao Fei. “Just because you were right about Tang Yi doesn't mean this case is some big conspiracy, too.”

Big conspiracy? That's not what Shao Fei is saying at all! Just because he doesn't trust that those men who attacked Xu Yang acted alone doesn't mean he thinks there's a conspiracy, lies of omission and secret children and all that, but there still might be someone behind the scenes pulling all the strings. Maybe Xu Yang's parents are more deeply involved than he thinks, maybe the gangsters are trying to use them all against each other, how about that? Huh? That's not too crazy, is it, that sort of thing happens all the time.

“I know that,” Shao Fei says. “I'm just trying to protect Xu Yang, I don't want to be caught off guard. I want to be prepared.”

“Prepared for what?” Zhao Zi asks.

Shao Fei scowls.

“What do you think, prepared for more of these gang members to come after him.”

“There aren't any other gang members,” Jack says. “You have to realize that by now. No respectable gang would have those two as members, and if they're trying to start their own, they can't have any more yet than just them.”

“You came to that conclusion awfully quickly all of a sudden!”

Jack pauses, pointedly refusing to get drawn into a shouting match. “I hadn't seen them for myself before,” he says. “I have now, and I'm telling you, they aren't part of a syndicate, or whatever you're thinking is going on. You saw how quickly they gave themselves up, they don't know what they're doing at all.”

Arguments begin piling up in Shao Fei's mind immediately, each one more elaborate than the one before it. Maybe those two were only pretending to be bad at their jobs to lull them all into a false sense of security, maybe they were serving as bait or distractions or something for their shadowy underground boss, maybe they—they planted tracking devices on Xu Yang's clothes, maybe—maybe—

Maybe they're a couple of cold-hearted guys who stumbled over some poor people they could take advantage of, and maybe they got in way over their own heads. Maybe this is nothing more than one horrible accident piled on top of another.

Shao Fei shakes his head.

“You can't be sure of that.”

Zhao Zi looks at him pitifully, and Jack gets that grim expression on his face that he does when he's being forced to say something he knows won't be received well. As if Shao Fei needs their sympathies; he can handle himself just fine, thank you.

“I'll verify the information, if it'll help,” Jack says, “but I'm sure you know I'm right.”

And so what if he does? How does that change anything?

Shao Fei glares at Jack, right at his stone-faced certainty as though he can break it, as though he can force the truth to be what he wants it to be instead of what he knows it is. Jack bears his anger patiently, waiting out the silence, and Shao Fei doesn't know whether it collapses on itself or he finally gives up trying, but the ground falls out from underneath him all at once and he leans back in his seat, closing his eyes and sliding down until his head hits the top of the backrest.

“I just want to give him something,” he says, all of the adrenaline of the morning rushing away, leaving nothing but exhaustion behind. “Some kind of ending.”

Zhao Zi and Jack trade another knowing look, and Jack takes his arm back and sets his hands on the couch cushions as Zhao Zi leans toward Shao Fei.

“You are, though.”

Shao Fei tips his head forward just enough to show off his quizzical frown, and Zhao Zi shrugs.

“It's thanks to you that he doesn't have those gangsters chasing after him anymore,” he says, “and you gave him someplace to come home to where someone will always be waiting for him, that's an ending and a beginning.”

Shao Fei drops his head back again.

An ending and a beginning, huh? And what about the part in the middle, everything he doesn't know? What about all the answers he's missing?

Shao Fei sighs.

“I guess.”

They have to start somewhere, after all. It might as well be here.

Chapter Text

Shao Fei sits with the telephone receiver pressed to his ear, his eyes going in and out of focus on the blurry glass in front of him, and the empty chair on the other side. The door will open soon, he knows, and Tang Yi will come through it in his grey jumpsuit and his metal handcuffs, with his little identification badge pinned to his shirt pocket. He'll come in and he'll sit in that chair, and he'll pick up the phone, and they'll talk. They'll talk the way they always do, about big things and not so big things, and they'll both feel so much better for a minute or two, and then it'll be over, and Tang Yi will be herded back through the door, and Shao Fei will go on his way, and the countdown will start again.

Oh, please. Shao Fei nearly slaps himself. He can't be selfish now, not like this. Not when Tang Yi is the one in prison. Not when things are so hard for all of them.

The door catches his eye when it opens, the motion of it and Tang Yi walking through. He sits down with a smile on his face, and Shao Fei blinks a couple of times and smiles back.

“Tang Yi,” he says.

Tang Yi's eyes crease up at the corners.

“Shao Fei,” he says. “How are you doing?”

They both know, of course. They both know how it is. “I'm fine” stands in for all kinds of things these days that aren't really.

“I miss you,” he says.

Tang Yi's eyes soften then, the creases smoothing out and his smile changing shape around the edges. It was unexpected; he doesn't say it often, doesn't like to make Tang Yi think about it, but it's never unwelcome. It never comes without a reason.

“Tell me about your day,” Tang Yi says.

Shao Fei lowers his head and pushes his hand into his hair. He doesn't deserve this man, he really doesn't.

“We made progress toward shutting down that trafficking ring,” he says. “The one the chief brought us in on, one of the girls escaped and came to us.” He pulls a bitter face. “Of course, now that we've given them a good lead, Unit Two is taking the case back.”

“Hopefully they appreciate your efforts, at least.”

“Yeah, even if they don't say as much.”

Tang Yi hums softly.

I'm fine, Shao Fei thinks. I'm fine. He tries to smile.

It doesn't work out as well this time around.

“Xu Yang found out.”

Tang Yi leans forward toward the table, adjusting the phone against his ear.

“Found out about what?”

Shao Fei waves his arm aimlessly. “About Xing Tian Meng, about you being a former gangster. I told him about Tang Guo Dong, and you and Hong Ye. About all of it. I'm sorry I didn't ask you about it first, but the way things happened at the market...it really couldn't be helped.”

“At the market?” Tang Yi asks sharply. “What happened at the market?”

A week really is a long time, isn't it? Shao Fei's smile comes a little easier now, somehow.

“We ran into those gangsters who were chasing after Xu Yang, if you can believe it. Completely by accident, too, we went there to buy him some new clothes and they showed up and attacked us out of nowhere.”

Tang Yi's hand tightens around the receiver as he leans forward even more, his eyes darting across Shao Fei's face, his chest, the way he's holding his arms. He's looking for concealed injuries, Shao Fei knows, hidden bandages or darkened bruises; not that Shao Fei doesn't understand the impulse, but come on now, he only tried that once.

“I'm fine,” he says. “I am. Jack and Zhao Zi were there with us, and Jack didn't let them lay a finger on anyone. We brought them both back to the station, they're still in custody, Jack says they're no threat at all. They're not part of a bigger group or anything, they're just a couple of thugs trying to make some easy money.”

Tang Yi narrows his eyes. He and Jack have a fragile kind of truce going, mostly on account of who their respective boyfriends are, but for the time being, things tend to work out for the best when they're not too closely involved in one another's business.

“What did Jack do?”

Shao Fei sighs.

“That's the thing,” he says. “He didn't do anything bad, exactly, but one of the gangsters recognized him from his time in Xing Tian Meng, and Xu Yang heard him say he was a gangster, and then...”

Loosening his grip on the phone a little, Tang Yi sits back in his chair, watching as Shao Fei tries to gather himself.

It takes a few seconds.

“I had to explain,” Shao Fei says then. “I had to tell him about the gang. Not everything, just enough to make him understand, but... I don't know. He was so mad. Of course he was,” he says more forcefully, “I wouldn't expect any less from a child who was being hunted down like he was, but I tried to tell him that you're not that way any more, that Jack isn't, that we only want to help him, but I don't know if he heard me. I don't know if he was listening. I'm sure he hates me now, I was sure he was going to run away again.”

Tang Yi furrows his brow. “He didn't.”

“No, no,” Shao Fei shakes his head, “and it's been long enough now that I don't think he will, but that first night, after I told him everything, I really thought I would wake up and he would be gone. I was certain of it.”

Tang Yi nods slowly, thoughtfully. After a moment, he moves the phone to his other hand, leaning into it as he braces his elbow on the table.

“You're not giving up, though.”

“What?” Shao Fei sits up with a jolt, his eyes going wide. “Of course not, I wouldn't. And I want to do what's best for him, but he's so angry with me that besides standing by him, giving him a place to stay and food to eat...” He breathes out heavily, sagging down in his seat as though all the burdens he thought he'd gotten rid of have been laid back on his shoulders, somehow ten times heavier than before.

“I don't what more I can do.”

“Nothing.”

Shao Fei looks up abruptly, but Tang Yi's face is as inscrutable as ever. But he heard that right, didn't he?

“You want me to do nothing?”

Closing his eyes for a second, gathering his patience, Tang Yi shakes his head. “No,” he says, “but there is no 'more.' He's angry, you said as much yourself, and he's afraid, and you can tell him as many times as you like that you won't abandon him, but you can't force him to believe you.”

Shao Fei sighs.

He can't, can he? No. He knows it. He does. Some big, grand gesture would make things so much easier, but that would only be a temporary solution, if it worked at all, and Xu Yang deserves so much more than that.

“You're right,” he says. “Of course.”

And it'll all be worth it in the end. After they've all done their time, and paid their dues, it'll be worth it. All the hardship and the struggle. It will. Definitely.

On the other side of the glass, Tang Yi leans forward with a slight curve to his lips.

“You know,” he says softly, “you look better when you smile.”

Shao Fei laughs, raising his hand up to cover his grin as Tang Yi's smile widens.

They've made it this far already, what's a little farther still? He'll repeat it over and over, as many times as he has to until they make it to the end.

“I'm sorry,” he says. “I'm complaining so much, I'm not being fair at all. Let's talk about something else, what do you want to talk about? How are you, are you doing okay?”

Just as Tang Yi starts to nod, another inmate down the line leaps up from his chair, banging his fist and shouting at the poor woman sitting opposite him as she cowers in her chair, terrified, even despite the glass. Glancing their way as a guard drags the inmate back through the door to the prison, Tang Yi shrugs, dropping his shoulders heavily.

“Such as it is.”

Shao Fei smiles sadly.

“I'm proud of you,” he says. “Don't forget.”

Tang Yi smiles back.

Shao Fei does his best to focus on that smile, on the light in Tang Yi's eyes as he looks through the glass, but it's hard to ignore the darkness that's there too, the shadows and the loneliness. Tang Yi is doing the best he can, he's doing so well, but there's no getting around the fact that this is prison, that he's in here and his whole life is out there, passing on by, all without him.

Shao Fei clears his throat.

“We got an emergency call at the station the other day,” he says, “out to some little house in stuck between a general store and a vacant lot. Actually, now that I think of it, I'm not sure it shows up on any maps, it's just sort of...there.”

Tang Yi nods, his expression so stony and sincere that Shao Fei can't help feeling mocked.

“But you found it.”

“The caller gave very clear directions.” Shao Fei waves his hand. “But the thing is, she made it sound like there was a murder in progress or something, and we got to the house and no one was there, but it was completely full of goats.”

“Goats.”

“And one armadillo.”

Tang Yi laughs, bright and clear, and Shao Fei grins. The case, such as it was, may have ultimately been a waste of time, and he may have endured a stern lecture from the chief about doing his due diligence before wasting department resources by sending his team out on ridiculous false alarms, but he'll gladly suffer through a dozen more if it'll make Tang Yi smile like that.

“And I haven't even told you about what we found in the back yard!”

Tang Yi settles into his chair as Shao Fei rambles on, and it'll only be for little while, only for a few short hours, but the rest of the world has gone away, leaving only the two of them behind. It won't last, he knows it well, but it'll do for now.

Week by week. Day by day, one at a time.

***

In the middle of the night, Shao Fei wakes in his big, empty bed, moonlight shining through the trees and casting long shadows across the walls of the big, empty room.

These nights are the hardest. The ones after he sees Tang Yi. He should be used to it by now, and he is, in his way; he knows to prepare himself for the deeper loneliness, the louder silence.

Xu Yang ate his dinner tonight, at least. He's still quiet, he still doesn't like looking Shao Fei in the eye, but he's still here, at least. He hasn't run away.

It's the little things that keep him going.

Shao Fei raises his hands to his face, digging his thumbs into his temples. Of course Tang Yi is right that there's nothing more he can do than what he is; Tang Yi would know, probably better than anyone. But have things gotten any better at all? It's been nearly a week now since that day, and everything still feels as cold and hopeless as it did then. Maybe more so, since so much time has passed.

But Meng Shao Fei doesn't give up on his challenges.

No. Not even when they seem impossible.

Shao Fei sighs.

Nudging the blankets down, he pushes himself up out of bed, shuffling across the floor toward the door. He isn't even really sure he's gotten any sleep at all; maybe he's just been lying there, pretending, trying to trick himself into believing it as though that'll make him feel rested or refreshed when morning comes around. Well, even if that doesn't work—and it won't—a glass of water might help. It can't hurt, anyway. Better than staring at the ceiling and hoping for the best.

The darkness is different down in the kitchen, weightless in the open space. The sound of water coming out of the tap is strangely comforting, something to focus on that isn't the noise inside his own head; Shao Fei fills up his glass and turns around, some small presence in the back of his mind braced to find Hong Ye standing there shaking her finger, scolding him for thinking he could handle this, for trying to do all these things by himself at once. For daring to have such a hard time when Tang Yi is still locked up in prison, all alone.

Shao Fei sips his water. No need to tell him all that, little sister. He knows. As do they all.

Then, out of the darkness—not Hong Ye, not the berating voices inside his head, but something real makes a noise, something in the house, talking, maybe shouting? Suddenly alert, Shao Fei puts his glass down on the counter and walks carefully down the hall toward Xu Yang's room. Jack was right, wasn't he, that those gangsters aren't a threat anymore? No one has tracked Xu Yang down and sneaked into the compound, have they, Shao Fei isn't going to have to—who knows what, but something, something he would much rather be fully awake for.

The talking gets louder as he nears, cut off by a sharp yelping sound, a sound of pain. Is Xu Yang in trouble? He may still be mad at Shao Fei, he may still be afraid of him, but Shao Fei won't stand for anyone putting him in danger, not for a second. Banging the side of his fist against the door, he shoves it open, holding his arms up in defense as he scans the room.

Empty.

The bathroom? No, the door is closed, and he didn't hear the lock click. Under the bed? No, he arrived quickly, he surely would have seen someone squirming across the floor.

So then...

Walking quietly, Shao Fei moves to the side of the bed where Xu Yang lies, perfectly still, his wounded arm in its sling across his chest, his eyes closed and his breathing measured. Was it him making those noises? It must have been. Just to be certain, Shao Fei crouches down and peers under the bed frame, but the floor is bare, as expected. So then what happened here, what's going on?

He realizes it as soon as he asks the question.

A nightmare.

Shao Fei looks at Xu Yang more closely, at his eyes unmoving behind their closed lids, at his chest rising and falling in perfectly measured rhythm, his hands completely still. Shao Fei must have woken him, banging on the door as he did, and now... It makes sense, doesn't it, that he wouldn't want Shao Fei's attention. That he wouldn't want him to know that he needs help, that he's struggling keeping all his thoughts and feelings to himself. That he doesn't want to admit that he's vulnerable.

It's funny how these things work out sometimes.

Shao Fei crouches down, setting one knee on the floor and laying his hand on the edge of the mattress.

“Xu Yang,” he murmurs. “No one is going to hurt you here. I promise.”

His chest rises and falls, his breaths measured and slow, a perfect imitation of sleep. Years of practice, that's how that gets built up.

Shao Fei sighs.

“Everything's going to be okay.”

I believe it. I do. You can believe it, too.

Standing slowly, Shao Fei pats the edge of the mattress and takes ones last look down at Xu Yang before he turns to go.

They'll try again tomorrow.

***

Shao Fei wakes to the sunlight shining in through the curtains, later than usual but not too late, considering the night he had. All the same, he dresses quickly, hurrying downstairs for something to eat before he rushes off to work.

The kitchen is empty. It's not a surprise; he hoped, in a very small way he won't put into words, that last night might have changed things, that Xu Yang might have started to come back around, but it's fine that it didn't. That he hasn't. Shao Fei will wait for him, as long as it takes.

Much as he'd like to wait around for Xu Yang to come out of his room, he really doesn't have time this morning. Still, it doesn't feel right to leave without offering something, some small comfort to show that he meant it when he said Xu Yang is safe here. Standing at the refrigerator door, Shao Fei looks down at the egg in his hands, and reaches in for another, and some green onion; Xu Yang liked the crepes they had that first weekend, didn't he? Shao Fei doesn't have time to make chicken right now, but a simple egg crepe will be better than nothing. It's a nice gesture, anyway.

He does what he can.

Grabbing flour out of the cabinet, Shao Fei mixes the batter and turns the stove on to heat up while he beats the eggs. He'll put Xu Yang's in the refrigerator and leave a note on the counter, and maybe he'll pick up something nice for dinner on the way home to make up for it.

Minutes later, as Shao Fei shoves the last bites of his own egg crepe into his mouth and sets his plate down in the sink, he thinks he hears a door open down the hall.

Okay. That's a start.

The day moves along in a whirlwind of phone calls, meetings, and paperwork, and it's around two or three in the afternoon that Shao Fei realizes this is the first time in a long while that he hasn't been dragging himself from hour to hour in the blurry haze he's become accustomed to.

Zhao Zi sidles up to the counter as Shao Fei pours himself a glass of cold water.

“Shao Fei.”

“Hm?” Shao Fei puts the pitcher back in the refrigerator, noticing too late the half-full bottle of Coke sitting on the bottom shelf. “What is it, is everything okay?”

“That's what I was going to ask you,” Zhao Zi says, leaning into the counter and raising his eyebrows. “You seem a lot more cheerful than usual, did something happen?”

Did it? Shao Fei lowers his eyes and raises his glass to his lips, drinking slowly. He saw Tang Yi yesterday, of course, but there wasn't anything special about that. No more so than usual, anyway. And he's certainly not happy to learn that Xu Yang is having nightmares, much less that he's having them and not telling anyone about it.

But...things are starting to come together, in their way. Talking to Tang Yi about Xu Yang, getting his advice about how to get him to open up; finding out about Xu Yang's nightmares—not that he wants him to have them, of course, but it's something he can build on, something he might be able to help with, if Xu Yang is only willing to talk to him. No, not “if,” “when.” He will, for sure. Shao Fei knows it.

He shakes his head with a small smile on his lips. “Nothing specific,” he says. “Things are just starting to look up.”

Taking a couple of seconds to think it over, Zhao Zi nods, satisfied enough with the vague answer to give his friend the benefit of the doubt. Good thing, too, since Shao Fei isn't sure he could explain the whole thing without sounding at least partly insane.

The rest of the day flies by as fast as the morning did, dusk coming on so quickly that it actually takes him by surprise. There won't be time enough to prepare anything as elaborate as he might have liked for dinner, but even just putting in the effort to make something is better than doing nothing.

There isn't too much traffic as he drives home, and he isn't even tempted to speed or anything.

“Xu Yang?” he calls out, elbowing the door open as he balances grocery bags in his arms. “Did you eat already? I'm going to make sticky rice with pork, if you want some.”

The kitchen is empty, of course, but Shao Fei doesn't take it personally. The note he left is gone from the counter, so Xu Yang must have seen it; setting his bags down on the counter, Shao Fei spies another plate in the sink on top of the one he left in there this morning, so Xu Yang didn't just find the note and throw it away. Good; Shao Fei hopes he liked the crepe.

As predicted, dinner comes together fairly quickly. Xu Yang even comes out of his room as Shao Fei stir fries the shallots, sitting in silence on the other side of the counter and watching him scoop rice out of the cooker and into the wok.

“Sorry I came home late,” Shao Fei says as he divides the sticky rice between two plates and adds a cilantro garnish. “Fridays get crazy sometimes.”

Xu Yang selects one of the plates for himself and carries it over to the table by the window.

Shao Fei follows him with the other plate and goes back to the kitchen for a couple of glasses of Coke.

“Oh,” he says, pausing halfway back to the table, “would you rather have something else? Water or tea or something?”

Xu Yang looks at the glasses, raising his eyes to meet Shao Fei's before he shakes his head.

Shao Fei grins and sits down.

“It's not spicy,” he says, “but I hope you like it anyway.”

Xu Yang picks up his chopsticks and starts eating. Shao Fei smiles again.

They're nearly halfway through their meals when Xu Yang sets his chopsticks down and pulls his Coke closer, staring down into the glass.

“Thank you,” he says quietly.

Shao Fei looks up, pausing in the midst of picking up another bite of rice. This isn't about dinner, is it? And it isn't about the Coke, either.

Or maybe it is.

Maybe it's about all of it.

Shao Fei sets his chopsticks down on the table.

“Of course,” he says.

Xu Yang tips his glass back and forth, watching the dark liquid slip up and down the sides.

“I don't have them every night,” he says.

Shao Fei nods slowly.

No, neither does he. But “not every night” isn't the same as “not very often.”

“I'm glad,” he says.

Xu Yang tips the glass one last time and sets it aside to pick his chopsticks back up. After a moment, Shao Fei follows his lead.

“If you ever want to talk to me about them,” he says, “you can.”

Xu Yang takes a bite of sticky rice, staring down at his plate as he chews.

“Okay,” he says.

Shao Fei takes another bite of rice.

Okay. One day at a time.

Chapter Text

They settle into a rhythm over the next few days. It's nothing stable, really, it can't last forever, but a starting point is still better than nothing. Going out of his way to wake up early enough to put together a proper breakfast every morning, Shao Fei catches himself looking for signs as they sit down to eat that Xu Yang has had a bad night's sleep; every morning, he waits to hear about the nightmares he must be having, and every morning, he tells himself he's not surprised that the explanation doesn't come. For his part, Xu Yang doesn't ask much, seeming happy enough to have a roof over his head and plenty of food on his plate; Shao Fei thinks about proposing another trip to the markets, but the weekend is gone before he manages to muster up the nerve. Next weekend, he'll give it another try, but in the meantime, he makes sure before he leaves for work on Monday that Xu Yang knows where he keeps his clean t-shirts and socks.

Tuesday night, Shao Fei goes out of his way to get home early enough to make three-cup chicken, watching out of the corner of his eye as Xu Yang diligently measures soy sauce and shaoxing wine.

“Here,” Shao Fei says as Xu Yang sets the bowl of seasoning to the side, “while I'm cooking the chicken, can you measure some sugar and salt for the vegetables? We don't need too much, about a tablespoon of sugar and maybe...a quarter teaspoon of salt.”

Nodding firmly, Xu Yang picks up the measuring spoons and focuses all his attention on the sugar canister.

Shao Fei smiles and sets up the wok.

Wednesday morning, Shao Fei comes downstairs to find Xu Yang sitting at the kitchen island with an ice pack pressed to his wounded arm.

“Are you feeling okay?” Shao Fei asks immediately, forgetting his plans for ham and egg sandwiches as he walks straight to the island. “Is your arm hurting? Today's the day Doctor Jiang said you can stop wearing the sling, but do you need to see him again first?”

Xu Yang looks up at him suspiciously, pressing the ice park more firmly against his arm.

“Doctor Jiang told me to ice it three times a day,” he says. “It doesn't hurt that much.”

Shao Fei narrows his eyes for a second, casting his mind back two weeks to their visit to the hospital, all the paperwork he filled out and the instructions Jin Tang threw at them so quickly. Come to think of it, he did say something about icing, didn't he, in between the part about the brace and not putting weight on it. Geez, Shao Fei has spent enough time at that hospital that he shouldn't have forgotten something so basic; then again, he's suffered through so many lectures about taking better care of his own health and well being, tuning Jin Tang out has become second nature. Maybe next time, he should take notes.

“But you're feeling okay?” Shao Fei asks again. “You're sure you don't want to see him, to check in?”

Xu Yang watches him carefully for a moment before he nods.

“I'm sure,” he says. “I feel fine.”

“You haven't been straining it at all, have you?”

Setting the ice pack aside, Xu Yang reaches up to tighten the strap around his shoulder, the tilted angle of his face mostly hiding the beginnings of a smile.

“No,” he says. “It's okay.”

Bracing his hands on the counter, Shao Fei leans back and purses his lips as he watches Xu Yang get up and return the ice pack to the freezer. While it's great to hear that Xu Yang hasn't aggravated his injury further, Shao Fei isn't exactly sure why he expected anything different; when he asks them, the bodyguards around the compound consistently report that Xu Yang doesn't leave the house much during the day, if at all, and everything is always in perfect order when Shao Fei comes home in the evenings. How does he even spend his time? Shao Fei doesn't really know. He doesn't leave his room much when Shao Fei is around, but it's not like there's much in there for him to do; is he really so satisfied to have a house to live in that he sits around all day long doing nothing at all?

Shao Fei frowns. Hong Ye and Dao Yi are due back from Norway on Friday, and if anyone he knows can give him advice on taking care of a young boy in these weirdly specific circumstances, it's definitely Gu Dao Yi. No doubt Hong Ye will have her own insights to add on as well, once she gets past the whole issue of Shao Fei apparently having taken custody of a small child without any warning.

This is going to be some kind of weekend.

***

Shao Fei is in the middle of pan frying turnip cakes for breakfast when he hears the gates open.

His head snaps up reflexively. What's going on now? The guards haven't stopped whoever it is, so someone familiar; Jin Tang certainly wouldn't come by the house just to check on Xu Yang, but maybe Zhao Zi and Jack are paying a surprise visit?

“Who is it?”

Shao Fei looks over his shoulder to find Xu Yang looking off to the side, toward the main entrance. There's a line of tension in his shoulders, a faint reminder of his apprehension at first meeting Zhao Zi and Jack, but he hasn't made any moves to leave his seat at the island, so that's a good sign.

“I'm not sure,” Shao Fei says, leaning sideways as though he might catch a glimpse of the car coming up the drive. “I'm not expecting anyone.”

Xu Yang sets his arms down on the countertop and keeps his gaze toward the door as they hear it burst open.

“Meng Shao Fei!”

Shao Fei nearly drops his chopsticks.

“Hong Ye,” he says, smiling as she storms around the corner. “I wasn't expecting you. I would've made a bigger breakfast.”

“Never mind that,” she says, stopping short and setting her hand on her hip. “You couldn't be bothered to tell me I have a nephew?”

“Huh?”

Dao Yi rounds the corner next, stopping behind Hong Ye and offering his usual calm smile as Shao Fei tries to recover his bearings.

“We spoke to Tang Yi yesterday,” Dao Yi says. “He informed us you'd taken in a young boy.”

His eyes darting between Hong Ye's accusatory glare and Xu Yang's abject confusion, Shao Fei wonders what might be the fastest way to explain the situation without angering or frightening anybody into doing something too reckless.

Before anything gets too out of hand, he turns off the stove.

“That's true, I did,” he says then. “This is Xu Yang.”

Hong Ye turns to Xu Yang with a bright smile on her face as he leans slightly backwards.

“Xu Yang?” she repeats. “It's nice to meet you, I'm Zuo Hong Ye. I hope my useless brother-in-law has been treating you well.”

“Hey!”

“He's been in your care only a few weeks and I see he's already injured!”

“That wasn't—” Shao Fei cuts himself off with a scowl; Xu Yang probably doesn't want to relive all of that right now, and it's not exactly Shao Fei's story to tell, anyway.

“It's complicated.”

Xu Yang looks at Dao Yi, then lands his attention on Shao Fei; he still seems more confused than panicked, but Shao Fei doesn't miss the stiffness of his spine or the way his grip tightens on the edge of the counter.

“Xu Yang,” Shao Fei says, stepping forward, “this is Hong Ye, Tang Yi's sister I told you about. And this is Dao Yi, he was a good friend of Tang Guo Dong. He's working hard with Tang Yi and Hong Ye to make their business legitimate and stop working with the gangs.”

Dao Yi smiles. “It's nice to meet you, Xu Yang.”

Relaxing just a little bit in his seat, Xu Yang nods slowly.

“Hi.”

Hong Ye smiles again.

“If he ever gives you any trouble,” she says, pointing behind her back toward Shao Fei, “you can always come to me, I'll take care of it.”

“No,” Xu Yang says instantly, turning to shield his wounded arm as though Hong Ye hasn't already seen the bandages wrapped around it. “He's very good to me.”

Hong Ye's smile stills, fading slightly as she glances back at Dao Yi, who arches his eyebrows pointedly at Shao Fei. Shao Fei shakes his head; as nice as it is that Xu Yang seems to have decided he prefers taking his chances with Shao Fei over going back to Social Services, or whatever he thinks Hong Ye means when she says she'll “take care of it,” the story is too long to get into right now, and anyway, it's probably one best told in private.

“Okay,” Hong Ye says slowly, turning back to Xu Yang, “that's good to hear.”

Xu Yang nods.

In the silence that follows, Hong Ye, Dao Yi, and Shao Fei glance around at each other hesitantly, each seemingly waiting on someone else to speak first. Finally, Shao Fei clears his throat.

“Xu Yang,” he says, “do you want to show Hong Ye your room?”

Hong Ye takes a moment to return Shao Fei's prompting smile with an irate glare before she turns back to Xu Yang with a smile of her own, her eyes wide.

“I would love to see your room,” she says.

Xu Yang slides out of his chair, pausing to look up at Shao Fei before he starts down the hall. Sparing Shao Fei one last glance, Hong Ye goes to follow Xu Yang's lead; he has to hand it to her, she sure knows how to adapt to strange situations on the fly.

As soon as they're alone, Dao Yi turns to Shao Fei, his hands clasped behind his back.

“Am I right to think you have some questions?”

Shao Fei grins, his shoulders dropping forward.

“I'm that obvious, huh?”

Dao Yi only smiles.

“You know, I was going to call you,” Shao Fei says, straightening back up and taking a step closer to the island. “I just figured you would want a little time to get settled after your trip.”

“That's kind of you,” Dao Yi says, “but it's no trouble. Madame was...most eager to meet her new nephew.”

Shao Fei laughs bluntly. “I haven't actually adopted him, you know. And even if I had, she and I aren't related.”

Dao Yi shakes his head. “Semantics.”

Shao Fei laughs again, and Dao Yi extends his arm toward the living room.

“Why don't you start from the beginning.”

“Hm...”

Shao Fei make his way to the chair beside the couch and sits, his arms resting on his legs and his fingers laced together. The beginning, huh? Everything that's happened so fast has gone by in such a blur, how long ago was that now?

Dao Yi sits on the couch with his hands set down on his knees.

“Tang Yi said you found Xu Yang being attacked by gangsters,” he prompts. “Anyone you know?”

Shao Fei shakes his head. “No, we've pretty much ruled that angle out by now. Jack says they're just lowlifes, a couple of guys trying to put on a big show, but we caught them and they're locked up for the time being.”

“That's good to hear.”

“Right.” Shao Fei idly rubs his temple. “I still don't have too many details, but from what I can tell, Xu Yang's parents were being hunted down by those guys, so they ran away somewhere and left him here alone, and that's why he was being beaten up that night. Whatever money his parents owed, they wanted him to pay it.”

Dao Yi nods, humming low under his breath. Despite being well out of that line of business himself, it stands to reason that he's familiar with the practice.

“I tried to take him to Social Services,” Shao Fei says, “but then I found him on the street again a few days later; I'm not completely sure why he ran away, I think he might have been afraid of being abandoned again if someone found out he was being hunted down, but I took him back here with me, and...that's how it happened.”

Funny how something that seemed so complicated at the time can be reduced to such a simple narrative.

Dao Yi smiles affably.

“Tang Yi told us what happened at the markets.”

“Oh,” Shao Fei says, “right, the markets. I think Xu Yang is still getting over all of that, so if he seems kind of standoffish, I'm...sorry.”

“No need for apologies,” Dao Yi assures him. “It's for the best that Xu Yang knows what he's becoming involved in.”

Shao Fei tilts his head back and forth. “I guess. That's sort of what I wanted to ask you about, though; Xu Yang getting involved in this situation, from what I've heard, it sounds a lot like what happened between Tang Yi and Tang Guo Dong.”

The slight change in Dao Yi's expression seems to indicate his agreement, or at least his acknowledgment. Either way, Shao Fei figures he's on the right track.

“I don't really know what I'm doing,” he says as plainly as he can. “Tang Yi says I just need to keep treating him well and he'll open up eventually, once he gets comfortable enough here to do more than sit in his room all day long, but then there are all the basic things that need to be taken care of, not just getting him more clothes but sending him to school, and making sure there's always someone here to take care of him and all that, since I'm working all day long. And since you were there when Tang Guo Dong took Tang Yi in, I was hoping you'd have some advice.”

He looks up hopefully as Dao Yi smiles again in that calming way of his that makes it so easy to forget the sort of life he used to lead, and so hard to believe that the reformation of Xing Tian Meng is taking so long and so much hard work.

“How old is he?”

“Ten,” Shao Fei says promptly. “But...I don't know how old he was when he stopped going to school, I don't know how long ago it was that his parents abandoned him.”

“I see.” Dao Yi raises his eyes thoughtfully. “The new school year doesn't start for some time yet, and it won't be difficult to find tutors to catch him up to his appropriate grade level. I'll check their backgrounds thoroughly, of course,” he says at Shao Fei's uncertain expression, “but Tang Yi needed some help bridging that gap as well, when he first arrived here. It's a reasonable expectation.”

Huh; Shao Fei is a little embarrassed to admit that he never really thought about that, but considering how well Tang Yi turned out, Xu Yang's situation is starting to seem a lot more encouraging.

“Thank you,” he says. “That would be great. But—the rest of the time, when I have to work late or go on trips, what am I going to do about that? I don't know everything about what Tang Guo Dong's life was like from day to day, but a mob leader's schedule isn't exactly nine-to-five, right? I'd think he was able to keep an eye on Tang Yi and Hong Ye when they weren't at school, at least most of the time.”

Dao Yi nods. “He was able to be with them when he wanted,” he says, “but it's also all right if you can't be around every minute of every day. Xu Yang will be safe and protected here, even if you can't watch him yourself.”

“Oh, I know,” Shao Fei says, raising his hands as though Dao Yi might think he has anything less than complete faith in the people tasked with Tang Yi's, and to some extent Shao Fei's own protection. “It's not that I'm afraid he's in danger here, it's just that I work such long hours sometimes, and considering where he came from, and everything that's happened...”

“You're afraid he'll feel that he's been abandoned again,” Dao Yi supplies.

Shao Fei smiles weakly.

“Exactly.”

Hearing the words out loud, it does sound sort of absurd. What does Shao Fei expect to do, hover around Xu Yang every second of the day? Neither of them would be happy with that, and the last thing Shao Fei wants is for Xu Yang to start resenting him, or find another reason to run away. But he's all that Xu Yang has for now, and if he really does need him, and Shao Fei is working late, or on a stakeout, or in the hospital, what exactly is he supposed to do then, huh? “Too bad, you're on your own”? What a terrible message that is for a child to hear; Shao Fei was nearly twice Xu Yang's age when his grandparents died and he had to learn how to handle being all alone, and it was terrible then, too.

For his part, Dao Yi doesn't seem to be so concerned.

“I know very well how difficult this situation is,” he says, “but it seems to me you're doing an admirable job so far. And Tang Yi is right that you can't force Xu Yang to trust you, or to believe you when you tell him that this is his home for as long as he wants it, but if you continue doing what you can, greeting him in the mornings and coming home to him every night, I'm sure he'll be convinced. I'm sure that will be enough to make him understand.”

It's amazing how much more believable something like that sounds when it's someone else who's saying it.

Shao Fei nearly sighs in relief, barely satisfying himself with a wide smile instead.

“Thank you,” he says. “Really.”

Dao Yi inclines his head a bit. “Of course. And I'll find some tutors for you, to help with Xu Yang's schooling.”

Shao Fei nods, pressing his hands to his knees and standing up. “That would be great.”

“Meng Shao Fei!”

Shao Fei turns reflexively at the sound of Hong Ye's voice to find her stalking toward him, Xu Yang trailing along behind. He doesn't seem too traumatized, so that's good; not that Shao Fei expected Hong Ye to be cruel or anything, but it'll be nice if they get along, if Xu Yang can find another friend in their strange little family group.

“What now?”

Hong Ye points back down the hall toward Xu Yang's room. “That room looks exactly as it did when you were staying in it.”

Shao Fei looks blankly over her shoulder, though the hall curves around a corner, and the door is probably closed anyway.

“And?”

Hong Ye makes a petulant face and sighs sharply. “Like a guest room,” she elaborates. “I even saw one of your boring old shirts in the laundry basket, doesn't this boy have anything of his own?”

“I—” Shao Fei stops himself before he says something too defensive; Hong Ye is trying to help, in her own way.

“We had some trouble at the markets last time,” he says. “And last week was very busy.”

Sighing again, Hong Ye shakes her head. “No, that won't do. Xu Yang,” she turns around, “come with me to the mall, hm? Dao Yi will escort us, we can go right now.”

“Right now?” Shao Fei blurts out. “But you— No, that's too sudden!”

“And if we wait around on you, it'll never get done.”

“You can't just buy him a bunch of suits!”

“You think so little of me?” She turns to him with her arms crossed over her chest. “I know perfectly well how to shop for casual clothing, I don't spend all my time in board rooms.”

“Then you'll put him in one of those seaweed shirts of yours?”

This time, Hong Ye only rolls her eyes and turns back to Xu Yang. “Don't listen to him,” she says. “Shall we go?”

Xu Yang looks uncertainly between her and Shao Fei, his fingers twisting in the hem of his shirt. Well, it's not as though Shao Fei doesn't trust them to keep Xu Yang safe, and Dao Yi at least has some experience taking care of children around Xu Yang's age; he'll surely keep Hong Ye from buying anything too outlandish, won't he? And it's not that he doesn't understand Xu Yang's concerns, but he does need some new clothes...

“All right,” he says, “fine, just—be reasonable.”

Smiling cheerfully, Hong Ye extends her hand to Xu Yang.

“Come on!”

Sparing one last glance at Shao Fei, Xu Yang reaches up to let Hong Ye grab his hand, following along when she starts toward the door.

“Don't worry,” Dao Yi says, leaning toward Shao Fei confidentially. “Nothing too outrageous.”

Shao Fei looks after the two of them making their way to Hong Ye's Audi.

“Mm-hm...”

Dao Yi walks out the door, and Shao Fei falls back onto the couch. Some kind of weekend, indeed.

He should probably think about re-frying a couple of those turnip cakes.

Chapter Text

The most unexpected outcome of the whole morning actually doesn't have much at all to do with Xu Yang's new wardrobe, but it does have a lot to do with how Shao Fei ends up spending his day. Or it might be more accurate to say, how he doesn't spend his day, in that he doesn't go back to bed to stare up at the ceiling, and he doesn't turn off all the lights and sit alone in the living room. He doesn't have to convince himself he's hungry and drag himself to the kitchen to heat up old takeout for lunch, and he doesn't stare morosely at the clock and count how many hours are left until Thursday at two.

What he does do is fry the turnip cakes again, forcing himself not to call Dao Yi and ask if they've remembered to stop somewhere for breakfast on the way to the mall. What he does do is wander back to Xu Yang's room, looking at the bed that's all made up and the laundry basket that's only got Shao Fei's clothes in it, and feel unexpectedly disappointed that it's hard to tell anyone is staying here at all.

What he does do is find himself hoping that Xu Yang is having a nice time out wandering around the mall with his aunt and uncle, and that they're treating him well.

As it turns out, Shao Fei is only about thirty percent right in his estimation of Hong Ye and her shopping habits: Most of the clothes she buys for Xu Yang are, of course, much more expensive than anything Shao Fei would have gotten him, or has ever bought for himself, but all of it is safe for the washing machine, and both Dao Yi and Xu Yang himself promise that Xu Yang likes everything they picked out, so he figures he can't ask much more than that. Dao Yi even apologizes that they stayed out so long, but when Xu Yang shows Shao Fei a couple of books and a stuffed pig Hong Ye insisted on getting for him besides all the new clothes, Shao Fei can't bring himself to mind.

Well. Not too much.

Anyway, much as he appreciates the apology, Shao Fei isn't actually surprised that they get back to the house pretty late. Given that Hong Ye informs him that they stopped at the night market for dinner, he doesn't even put up any objections when Xu Yang cautiously asks if he can go to bed early, making every effort to carry all the bulky shopping bags back to his room on his own until Shao Fei takes the them out of his arms, leaving him with only the little pig clutched to his chest.

Shao Fei shakes his head as he sets the bags down in Xu Yang's room. Hong Ye is going to hold that one over his head forever, isn't she?

Then again, he thinks as he watches Xu Yang take out his very reasonable and not particularly outrageous new clothes and arrange them carefully on the hangers, she does kind of deserve it.

“I'm going to talk to Hong Ye and Dao Yi for a minute before they leave,” Shao Fei says. “You don't need anything else before you go to bed?”

Xu Yang looks up at him, his hand stilling in the midst of smoothing out the pair of jeans draped over his uninjured arm.

“No,” he says. “Um.”

Shao Fei raises his eyebrows when Xu Yang doesn't elaborate.

“Everything okay?”

Lowering his gaze back to the jeans, Xu Yang nods and begins to smooth them again.

“Thank you.”

Shao Fei smiles softly.

“Sleep well,” he says.

This time, as he closes the door on his way out, Shao Fei is sure he sees Xu Yang smile back.

Hong Ye and Dao Yi stand in the living room, leaning close to one another and speaking in low tones that fall silent when he walks over.

“So I see you were able to restrain yourself,” he says lightheartedly as Hong Ye gets a haughty expression on her face.

“Naturally,” she says, turning her attention to Dao Yi. “You see how he underestimates me?”

Dao Yi only smiles affectionately as Hong Ye sets her hand on his arm.

“In any case,” she says, back to Shao Fei, “aside from his injury, he seems to be well enough so far, so I guess you must be doing something right. He'll start school in the fall?”

Shao Fei nods. “I haven't talked about it with him yet, but that makes sense to me.”

“Hm.” Hong Ye narrows her eyes, pursing her lips. “I can't imagine that a police officer has much time to spare for overseeing such things.”

“I could say the same of the head of a major real estate development company,” Shao Fei retorts as Hong Ye crosses her arms and tilts her head up. “I'll make time.”

Sparing him one last skeptical glance, Hong Ye lays her hand back on Dao Yi's shoulder and turns toward the entryway.

“Effort is one thing,” she says, “but don't think you'll be able to handle this all on your own.”

Pausing a moment, turning the words over in his mind, Shao Fei smiles as Hong Ye fusses with the purse hanging from her shoulder.

“I'm glad you were able to come over so quickly,” he says. “I think Xu Yang had a nice time today.”

She looks up from slipping on her shoes, and Shao Fei waits for some sharp-tongued retort about Xu Yang having a nice break from Shao Fei or something like that.

Hong Ye only nods.

“Good.”

This thing is bigger than any one of them alone, and much more important than any silly little games they might like to play. But they'll figure it out, all of them; just as they did when Tang Yi first went to prison, they'll learn as they go, they'll get their feet back on the ground. All the hard times, they'll get through them together.

“Thank you,” he says.

Adjusting the strap of her purse, Hong Ye doesn't appear to pay him any mind; after a moment, Dao Yi inclines his head in Shao Fei's direction, and he and Hong Ye take their leave. Shao Fei sits down on the couch to watch them disappear from view, the tail lights of their car illuminating the darkness as they drive away.

One by one, they'll set all their mistakes to rights.

***

It's a little past nine by the time Shao Fei wakes on Sunday morning, nearly throwing him into a panic until he rushes downstairs to the kitchen and finds that Xu Yang isn't even there yet. Maybe he's managed to sleep in, for once; that wouldn't be the worst thing, especially considering how exhausting yesterday must have been for him. Shao Fei seizes the chance to prepare congee for breakfast, hunting through the refrigerator for pickled vegetables and minced pork.

By the time Xu Yang makes his way to the kitchen, the food is nearly ready. He stops at the island to watch Shao Fei fetch bowls out of the cabinet.

“Good morning,” Shao Fei says, turning around and setting the bowls down beside the stove. “Did you have a nice night?”

Xu Yang nods, and Shao Fei smiles as he opens the cutlery drawer.

“I like your shirt.”

Setting his hand on his chest, Xu Yang looks down at himself as though he's forgotten what he's wearing.

“Thank you,” he says. “I do, too.”

Shao Fei laughs into his hand.

A few minutes later, Xu Yang steps up beside him, taking the bowl of plain congee Shao Fei holds out and adding in generous portions of pork and cucumber. He waits for Shao Fei to assemble his own breakfast before following him to the dining table, taking his seat by the windows and waiting further for Shao Fei to sit across from him before he picks up his spoon.

Once they're both a few bites into their meals, Shao Fei clears his throat.

“I was talking to Dao Yi yesterday,” he says, “and he said— I mean, we said, we think it'll be a good idea for you to start school in September. When the new semester starts up.”

His empty spoon cradled in his fingers, Xu Yang looks across the table at Shao Fei curiously, as though he's never actually considered that he might go back to school at some point. Does he not want to? Did he have some terrible experiences there before? Dao Yi could probably find enough tutors, or even one good enough tutor, to keep Xu Yang's education entirely in-house, but wouldn't it be better for him to have somewhere to go? Maybe make friends with other kids his age? Live a normal sort of life? Or as close as someone in his position can get, anyway.

Shao Fei smiles as warmly as he can manage.

“I mean, it's required, too,” he says. “You've still got at least five more years left.”

Casting his eyes down, Xu Yang nods as he scoops up a spoonful of pork and rice.

“I know.”

Shao Fei nods, toying with his own spoon as he feels his smile start to strain.

“When was the last time you were in school?” he asks. “How old were you when you stopped going?”

Xu Yang stirs his congee slowly.

“Eight,” he says. “In third grade. I went for the first semester, but they didn't let me come back.”

Shao Fei's smile drops away completely. They didn't let him? But isn't the whole point of government funded compulsory education to make sure that every kid gets a good start to their schooling? Shao Fei isn't blind to all the problems in the system, and he knows as well as anyone that plenty of kids struggle to keep up, or even drop out entirely, but if Xu Yang tried to go, if he really wanted to, then...

A picture begins forming in his mind, the pieces coming together out of order and none of them exactly the right size. Shao Fei leaves his spoon in his bowl and frowns as he sets his hands down in his lap.

“Xu Yang,” he says slowly, “how old were you when your parents ran away?”

Xu Yang shrugs, his attention still concentrated on his food.

“Seven,” he says. “I think. Maybe eight, almost.”

Shao Fei's back stiffens, his fingernails scraping against the fabric of his pants. For three years, Xu Yang has been on his own. Living on whatever his parents left him for however long that lasted, probably no more than a couple of days, and then, who knows? It's no wonder his school wouldn't let him stay, without a home to sleep in, to bathe, or wash his clothes, much less study, eat, relax—and how could they not have known? The administration, how could they not have helped him? Done something, anything to give him...anything at all?

“Okay,” he says, keeping his voice as even as he can. “That's not too bad. You can start in September, and Dao Yi can find some tutors for you, to help you catch up to where you're supposed to be. And I'm sure they'll work with you as long as you want, until you feel comfortable on your own.”

Finally lifting his head back up, Xu Yang meets Shao Fei's eyes bemusedly. He hasn't said anything too ridiculous, though, has he? They're all trying to make the best of the situation, they're doing the best they can.

After a moment, Xu Yang eats another bite of congee.

Shao Fei sighs.

It's okay. He shouldn't have expected this to be easy. He didn't, really; it's just that it might have been nice, is all.

“They said they were trying to protect me.”

Shao Fei's eyes go wide, his hand frozen halfway to picking his spoon back up. Protecting him. How many times has Xu Yang heard that promise? From how many people? Even Shao Fei said—and the workers at Social Services must have done the same. Of course, it's no wonder he ran away.

Xu Yang rubs his bandaged wrist.

“My mom,” he says. “When they left. She said she hoped I'd understand one day, she said they only wanted what was best for me.”

What was best for him? Shao Fei gives up on his spoon entirely, mainly to keep from choking on his food. What kind of person, what kind of parent convinces themselves that a child only seven years old would be better off completely destitute, roaming the streets alone, than in a home with the people who are supposed to love him the most in the world? What sort of life makes that make any sense at all?

What sort of world?

Shao Fei frowns.

Maybe this one.

Maybe one where no one gets what's fair. Where no one has easy decisions to make, and every choice seems to be worse than the ones that came before, so then what's the difference between them?

Maybe one where the whole world has turned against them anyway, and the only way they can think of to save their poor little boy from the hell they've landed themselves in is to throw him away.

Impulsively, Shao Fei takes a big bite of congee, crunching into a pickled bamboo shoot. There's a fine line between the unforgivable and the deeply tragic, and the cast mostly depends on whose side a person is standing on, listening to the story.

“They probably did think that,” he says, “when they left.”

Xu Yang glances up at him, lowering his eyes almost as fast. Shao Fei hums tersely.

“I've seen people do some pretty terrible things in those kinds of situations,” he says. “When they don't think they have any other options, when they have to make decisions quickly. They don't always do the right thing, and sometimes, once they realize that, it's too late to do anything about it.”

Xu Yang scowls down at his breakfast, and Shao Fei sets his hand on the table.

“I'm not saying what they did was right,” he says. “It wasn't. It's not fair what they put you through, and it's terrible, the kind of life you had to live. But...if that was how they were thinking about it, they probably really did think you'd be worse off with them. Whatever trouble they were in, they wanted to get you away from it, and that was the only way they knew how.”

Sticking his spoon into his congee, Xu Yang pushes the not-quite-empty bowl away from himself. Shao Fei wouldn't be surprised if he's suddenly lost his appetite.

“It's okay if you're angry,” he say. “They made bad choices that really hurt you, and you don't have to forgive them for that. But maybe if you think about it that way, if you try to understand why they did what they did, it might help you figure out how to...find a place for them, in your heart.”

Pressing his hands down against the edges of his seat, Xu Yang continues to glare at his food. Shao Fei sets his own nearly-empty bowl aside and leans forward, toward the table.

“I know it's difficult,” he says. “And you don't have to do it right away. But I don't want you to be burdened with that feeling, I don't want you to be—caught in a trap you make for yourself by getting stuck in the past.”

Xu Yang presses his lips together and leans towards his uninjured arm.

Shao Fei sighs.

They meant so well. All of them.

“But let's not think about that now,” he says. “You said the last time you went to school was third grade? And you're ten now, so you might be in fourth grade anyway; oh!” He smiles brightly, only a little bit of a put-on. “When's your birthday?”

Glancing up uncertainly, Xu Yang loosens his grip on the chair, still holding his shoulders tense.

“December.”

“Okay,” Shao Fei says, “so that's still a ways off. When in December, the beginning or the end?”

Xu Yang narrows his eyes as though the question is some kind of trick, and Shao Fei keeps on smiling at him.

“The end,” he says. “The thirtieth.”

“Oh, that far away, huh?” Shao Fei sits back in his chair. “Well, that's fine, we've got more time to plan. What's your favorite kind of cake?”

Xu Yang tilts his head, his eyes still narrowed but his back a little less taut.

“I don't know.”

Shao Fei nods. “There are so many different ones,” he says, “I don't really have a favorite either. But I'm sure Jack can make something delicious, if we ask him to help. I bet he has lots of great recipes.”

Maybe Xu Yang is more disarmed by Shao Fei's sudden enthusiasm than genuinely cheered up by it, but when he smiles suddenly, small and clumsy and probably not on purpose, Shao Fei still feels better somehow. The congee has started to go cold, but Shao Fei scoops up the last spoonful anyway; when he stands, holding out his hand for Xu Yang's bowl, Xu Yang hurries to finish off his last couple of bites and stands to follow Shao Fei back to the kitchen.

Putting both bowls down in the sink, Shao Fei turns on the tap.

“My mom brought home a strawberry cake once,” Xu Yang says idly, watching the water begin to flow.

Shao Fei grabs a sponge and starts scrubbing the dishes. “For your birthday?”

Xu Yang shakes his head, and Shao Fei hums.

“Did you like it?”

Stepping up to Shao Fei's side, Xu Yang folds his arms on the counter and rests his chin on the backs of his hands.

“It was okay.”

Shao Fei holds one of the bowls underneath the spray to rinse off the soap, and turns the water off.

“I bet Jack knows how to make all kinds of fancy cakes,” he says. “And not so fancy ones, too.”

Out of the corner of his eye, Shao Fei watches Xu Yang peer up at him intently, as though he's trying to figure out the solution to some problem, or the answer to a question he hasn't thought to ask before. “Are you really going to celebrate my birthday with me,” maybe, or “Can I really believe all these promises you're making?”

For once in my life, have I found someone to tell me the truth?

Shao Fei turns the tap back on to rinse off the rest of the soap.

After a little while, Xu Yang lays his head down in the cradle of his arms.

“Your congee is pretty good,” he says.

Shao Fei sets the bowls to the side, reaching for a towel.

“But Jack's is better, right?”

Xu Yang shrugs.

“It's not fair, though,” he says. “He has a food truck.”

Before he can think better of it, Shao Fei reaches out to tousle Xu Yang's hair, smiling when Xu Yang raises his eyes but doesn't pull away.

“I'm glad you liked it,” he says. “But I still think we should ask for Jack's help with your birthday cake.”

Unfolding his arms, Xu Yang steps back from the counter.

“Can we make something besides strawberry?”

Shao Fei opens the cabinet to put the bowls away.

“We can make whatever you want.”

All's not right with this world, so full of bad choices and bad luck. But Shao Fei will keep looking for the good intentions, and the good friends. He'll find reasons to get up every morning and to come home at the end of every day, and he'll share them all with Xu Yang, the little reasons and the big ones.

The old ones, and the new.

Chapter Text

Shao Fei has always prided himself on his determination, his ability to devote all of his attention to his cases until they're solved. Especially as Captain, his refusal to be distracted has proven to be an invaluable skill, allowing him to finish huge amounts of work efficiently and get home at what might even be considered a reasonable hour, by some estimations.

It follows, of course, that such intense focus gets the better of him sometimes.

“Shao Fei!”

Shao Fei startles, nearly knocking over the bottle of Coke still under his hand.

“Zhao Zi?” he says, hurriedly opening the refrigerator to put the bottle back. “What's wrong?”

Zhao Zi purses his lips in a little pout. “I'm beginning to think you are. What are you concentrating on so hard, I said your name three times before you noticed me!”

Shao Fei looks down at the paper cup of soda on the counter. How long ago has that been sitting there? Who knows, but long enough that it's started to go flat.

“Sorry,” he says, turning to his friend. “I've got a lot on my mind, that's all. Did you need something?”

Zhao Zi grins easily, his annoyance already forgotten. “I wanted to invite you over for dinner! You haven't been in such a long time, but Jack is making mapo tofu and spicy wontons tonight, you should definitely come by.”

On the verge of declining the invitation, as he often does in these situations, Shao Fei stops himself to think for a moment. This is actually a perfect opportunity to ask Jack about making a cake for Xu Yang's birthday, and talk to the two of them about what that implies about Xu Yang sticking around for the long run. Of course, making plans with Dao Yi and Hong Ye to send him to school next semester sends basically the same message, but there's more to raising a child than just shuttling him back and forth to classes and giving him a bed to call his own. And considering how quickly Xu Yang took to Zhao Zi at the beginning, it'll be good for him to have the pair of them in his life looking out for him; besides, Zhao Zi hasn't invited Shao Fei over to their place for dinner in a while. They must be getting worried.

“That sounds like a good idea,” he says to Zhao Zi's obvious surprise. “I'd love to.”

“Great!” Zhao Zi's smile brightens further. “Come by after work, I'll call Jack and tell him you'll be there.”

Shao Fei nods. “Sure, thank you.”

Wait a minute, aren't they forgetting something?

“Oh,” he says, “I'll just stop by the house first and pick up Xu Yang.”

Yes, that's it.

Zhao Zi's smile starts to slip. Fair enough, Shao Fei supposes; he forgot, after all, he has no reason to expect Zhao Zi to do any better.

“Never mind, it's okay,” he says, taking pity on the both of them. “Don't bother calling Jack right now, I can come over some other time.”

Zhao Zi shakes his head. “No, no, we'll... We'll have lunch tomorrow instead. You can still come over to our place, it'll be fine.”

Wow, those two really want to hear some updates; Shao Fei isn't sure whether to be surprised or touched that they've gotten so attached to Xu Yang so quickly. Probably a bit of both.

“You're sure Jack will be okay with that?”

“Of course!” Zhao Zi rubs the back of his head, smiling a smile that's somehow also a wince. “Sorry, I didn't think about that part of things.”

“Ah, it's okay.” Shao Fei smiles back. “Maybe some other time.”

“It's not that we don't want him to come over!” Zhao Zi assures him. “We like him a lot, we don't have anything against him!”

Shao Fei cocks his eyebrows and picks up his cup of Coke. “You just want to talk about him when he's not around.”

“It's that obvious, huh?”

“Did you think you were being subtle?”

Zhao Zi winces again. “I guess not...”

Shao Fei shakes his head, turning to walk back to his office. Zhao Zi is lucky he's so cute, that's for sure.

“Tomorrow,” he says as he goes. “And I'll tell you all about his day out with Hong Ye and Dao Yi.”

“Hong Ye?” Zhao Zi calls after him. “He met Hong Ye? Shao Fei, what happened, what did she say?”

“I'll tell you tomorrow.”

“Shao Fei!”

“Get back to work!”

***

The next day, Zhao Zi knocks on Shao Fei's office door promptly at noon; pretty impressive for a guy who spent the first half of the year after Jack moved in arriving to the station at least half an hour late every morning. Shao Fei only makes him wait another ten minutes to finish off writing some report or whatever it is he's doing—filling out a form, who can keep track of what all this paperwork is for—before he proceeds to ignore every one of his questions as they get into Shao Fei's car and drive off down the road.

“Shao Fei,” Zhao Zi says eventually. “You really won't tell me anything?”

“Not until we get to your place,” Shao Fei reminds him. “Jack's the one I want to ask a favor from, anyway, I don't want him to miss out on anything because I'm afraid of repeating myself.”

“Favor?” Zhao Zi pounces immediately. “What favor?”

Shao Fei shakes his head. “No, come on, we're here already. I'll tell you both at once, the whole story.”

Pouting halfheartedly, Zhao Zi follows him out of the car and up to the front door.

“Officer Meng,” Jack greets as they step inside. “Welcome to our home.”

“Captain Meng,” Shao Fei corrects. “And you say that as if I haven't been here a hundred times before.”

“Well, what's one more.” Jack emerges from the kitchen area with a platter of spicy sesame chicken and sets it down on the table in between three plates of omelet rice. “Hungry?”

Shao Fei scoffs, walking up to the table and setting his hands on the back of the closest chair. “Let's not pretend I don't know why you invited me over.”

“Fair enough.” Jack leans back over the counter to retrieve a bowl of some greens Shao Fei doesn't recognize, placing it in the middle of the table as Zhao Zi takes his seat beside Shao Fei. “Chrysanthemum salad,” Jack says at Shao Fei's blank look. “Zhao Zi tells me Xu Yang spent a day with Hong Ye?”

Nodding, Shao Fei pulls out his chair and sits as well. “She and Dao Yi took him out clothes shopping. They seemed to get on well; he had a nice time, he said, and I'm sure Hong Ye enjoyed the opportunity to buy a whole new wardrobe for somebody.”

“They weren't surprised?” Zhao Zi asks, piling chicken next to his omelet.

Shao Fei frowns. “You know what, I'm actually not sure. Tang Yi was the one who told them about him, the last time they talked on the phone. They just came straight to the house without giving us any warning, and Hong Ye demanded to take him out for the day. I guess they must have been surprised at first, but they didn't say anything to me.”

“They can't have been too surprised,” Jack says as he adds salad to Zhao Zi's plate. “All things considered.”

“Well, maybe, but who would've expected this sort of thing to happen again?” Shao Fei shakes his head. “And in the same family, no less.”

“Careful now, you'll start to sound like a conspiracy theorist.”

Shao Fei clicks his tongue. “I'm not. Anyway, doesn't it make sense that Tang Yi would do something like this? Especially considering his history.”

“But you were the one who did it,” Zhao Zi points out.

Rather than respond to that admittedly true point, Shao Fei puts a piece of chicken in his mouth and scowls at the salad bowl as Zhao Zi grins and takes a bite of omelet rice.

Jack clears his throat.

“In any case,” he says, “it sounds like he's settling in well.”

“Mm,” Shao Fei nods, “I think so. He seems to be getting more comfortable in the house, and he's going to start school in September. He hasn't been in a few years, not since he's been living on the street, but Dao Yi will help find some tutors for him, and I think he's pretty interested in going back.”

Zhao Zi nods approvingly, and for once, the smile on Jack's face doesn't unnerve Shao Fei at all.

“Actually,” Shao Fei ventures, “speaking of all that, I was thinking, I might want to take Xu Yang with me. To see Tang Yi, I mean. What do you think?”

He'll have to do it sometime sooner or later, after all, so why not now? Xu Yang has suddenly become an important part of Shao Fei's life, and if he's going to stay that way, then he and Tang Yi are going to need to meet at some point or another. The circumstances aren't ideal, of course, but when are they ever, for something like this?

“Something like this” being a rare enough occurrence as it is.

As if that doesn't describe most of his life. Anyway, it's not important right now; for the time being, Shao Fei is just looking for some outsider perspective from someone who hasn't been turning this over in their mind for days. For their parts, Jack's face is predictably difficult to read, but Zhao Zi, wearing his emotions on his sleeve as usual, seems unexpectedly concerned.

“Are you sure that's a good idea?” Zhao Zi asks.

The corner of Shao Fei's mouth quirks up into a small smile. “You don't think they should meet?”

“I mean bringing Xu Yang to prison.” Zhao Zi pokes at his food, frowning at the salad bowl. “Him meeting Tang Yi for the first time in that kind of environment.”

Prison isn't Shao Fei's first choice for this kind of thing, either, but what other option do they have?

Shao Fei shrugs stiffly. “Of course it would be better if we could do it some other way, but...” He trails off, shaking his head. “Tang Yi won't be out for another year, at least. Maybe two. It's not really fair, you know? Them only knowing each other from the things I say about them.”

“But what about Tang Yi?” Zhao Zi presses. “It's fine for you, you know his real self. You know him outside of prison. But what if Xu Yang meets him there and he never wants to see him again, then what will you do?”

Shao Fei leans back in his chair, away from his food. He's prepared for the meeting to go badly, of course; he would be stupid not to be, but for Xu Yang to refuse to see Tang Yi again... The thought somehow never crossed his mind. Xu Yang has survived for so long trusting his instincts, making decisions and not going back on them, what if he doesn't want to give Tang Yi a second chance? Forcing him to go anyway would end in disaster, for sure, but what if he doesn't have any alternative?

In the meantime, Jack picks up a piece of chicken from the serving bowl and sets it down on his plate.

“Shorty, I think you're underestimating them.”

Shao Fei looks between them curiously as Zhao Zi furrows his brow and Jack eats his chicken.

“You're just saying that.”

“I am not.” Jack leans forward toward the table. “I know Ex-Boss Tang knows how to keep his cool in a bad situation, and I bet Xu Yang is tougher than you think.”

Jack is absolutely not the person Shao Fei expected to be his ally in this situation, but he'll gladly take him if he's offering.

“And I'll be there the whole time,” Shao Fei says. “I'll step in if anything gets out of hand.”

“But don't you think this is moving very fast?”

Shao Fei opens his mouth to reply, to argue that somehow Zhao Zi is misinterpreting the situation, that he's overlooking some detail or has forgotten something important that will ensure that everything is okay, but—the thing is, he's right, isn't he? That's been the problem all along. They've all moved along too fast, saying things by accident, walking into minefields too early, opening old wounds before they're ready. Really, Zhao Zi is only trying to act in Xu Yang's best interests, trying to protect him from all the darkness still left in his world.

As Shao Fei searches for his words, Jack reaches across the table and takes Zhao Zi's hand in his.

“Shorty,” he says again. “How long do you really think they can wait? Building up ideas in their heads, isn't it better for them to see the truth now and make their own impressions?”

Shao Fei smiles appreciatively, even though Jack isn't looking his way. This isn't like a murder case, there isn't one answer he can seek out to resolve all his uncertainties; actually, Jack probably understands this chapter of the story the best out of all of them. Separating truth from lies, misconceptions and low expectations from genuine kindness and the best of intentions; making a family for himself and putting it together piece by piece, all in good time. They've all done their parts, but the one who's lived it the most closely...

This big, colorful world of theirs has many, many layers to it.

As for this moment, though, Zhao Zi lowers his eyes to Jack's hands clasping his, and takes a deep breath.

“I guess so,” he says. “I guess you're right. But Shao Fei,” he looks up abruptly as Jack lets go of his hand, “you have to make sure you take care of everything. You have to talk to Tang Yi before you bring Xu Yang with you, you have to promise to be careful.”

Shao Fei raises his hand up by his shoulder. “I will. I promise.”

“I'll call the captain to reprimand you.”

“Zhao Zi, I'm the captain.”

“I'll— I'll call the chief!”

“On what grounds?”

“I'll tell Hong Ye.”

Shao Fei glares at him, and Zhao Zi glares right back until Shao Fei rolls his eyes.

“I'll be careful.”

Zhao Zi nods.

“Good.”

Having apparently decided the matter is settled, Zhao Zi returns to his meal, shoveling omelet rice into his mouth as Shao Fei looks at Jack hesitantly.

“Oh, Shao Fei,” Zhao Zi says through a big bite of egg, “what did you want to ask Jack?”

Shao Fei turns his head sharply. “Huh?”

“You said you wanted to ask him a favor,” Zhao Zi reminds him. “In the car before, what was it?”

Of course, how could he have forgotten? That was the whole point of coming over here in the first place. Or, maybe not the whole point, but a big part of the reason he agreed to Zhao Zi's invitation, even if Zhao Zi didn't know it.

Anyway.

“Jack,” Shao Fei says, “how much do you know about birthday cakes?”

Finally averting his eyes from Zhao Zi, Jack tilts his head curiously, just the slightest bit threatening.

“Enough,” he says. “But you know there's...the Internet, right? If you need to do some research?”

Shao Fei huffs a sigh. “Obviously I know that. But I might have already told Xu Yang you would make him any kind of cake he wants.”

It's truly impressive how quickly Jack sheds his suspicion at the mention of Xu Yang's name, and Shao Fei might spend more time thinking on it if it hadn't just occurred to him how presumptuous it was to make that kind of claim on someone else's behalf. Especially when that someone is Jack.

“That's a big promise,” Jack says archly.

“I didn't say that exactly,” Shao Fei defends. “Well, maybe I did, sort of, but only because he said the only time he's ever had cake before was when his mom brought a strawberry one home one time. Not even for his birthday, she just brought it home for no reason.”

“He's never had a birthday cake before?” Zhao Zi repeats. “That's so sad, Jack, you have to make him one.”

Simultaneously impressed by Zhao Zi's nearly instantaneous recovery time and his immediate willingness to persuade his boyfriend to go along with Shao Fei's plan, despite a total lack of specifics, Shao Fei sits back in his chair, casually handing control of the conversation over to Zhao Zi.

“I don't even know what he likes,” Jack says. “Or when his birthday is, I don't have much time to do anything elaborate.”

“His birthday's in December,” Shao Fei says. “And he doesn't know what he likes, either.”

Zhao Zi points at Shao Fei. “There, see? You've got plenty of time.”

Jack smiles. “I can't start planning if I don't even know what kind of cake to make.”

“You'll figure something out,” Zhao Zi says. “Your food is always the best.”

“Yours is a pretty biased opinion.”

“It's true, though! And you'll make it, right?”

Even Shao Fei can see by now that Jack's resistance is all for show as he folds his arms over his chest, looking across the table at Zhao Zi with his eyebrows raised.

“You seem awfully confident of that out of nowhere.”

“Jack, he's never had one before.”

Stretching out the tension only another moment or two, Jack sighs wearily, giving up his little ruse without any more fuss as he unfolds his arms and picks up his chopsticks.

“That does seem like a shame,” he says. “And I suppose Officer Meng has already promised my services.”

“Captain Meng,” Shao Fei says reflexively. “And, sorry about that, but if it helps, I'm sure Xu Yang will help you in any way he can, if you like.”

Jack smiles again as Zhao Zi watches him hopefully.

“Don't expect to make a habit out of this, Captain Meng.”

Shao Fei smirks.

“Of course not.”

It doesn't sound like very much of a threat.

***

For dinner that night, Shao Fei makes spicy garlic tofu with watercress soup on the side, and spends two hours deciding how to ask Xu Yang if he wants to visit Tang Yi in prison.

“Remember I told you about my boyfriend?” he could start. But of course Xu Yang remembers, after everything Shao Fei has said, all that history. “How do you feel about meeting someone new?” That's just stupid, is what that is, that's a horrible question and much too lighthearted for all this. “I want to introduce you to somebody,” oh, please, there's no need to be cagey about anything. Come to think of it, though, Zhao Zi has a point that he needs to talk to Tang Yi about this; should he do that first? What if he refuses to have Xu Yang visit? Better to clear the air on that front before Xu Yang has a chance to get his hopes up—but Tang Yi won't really refuse, will he? But Zhao Zi had valid concerns, and it's not like Shao Fei hasn't thought of all that himself.

The time passes in fits and starts until about ten minutes before dinner is ready, when Xu Yang slides onto one of the stools at the island and folds his arms on top of the countertop to watch Shao Fei heat the chicken stock and cornstarch slurry.

Well, it's going to be one or the other.

“I talked to Zhao Zi and Jack today,” Shao Fei says. “They invited me over to their place for lunch because they wanted to hear about how you're doing.”

Xu Yang lowers his gaze and toys with the cuff of his shirt. Flannel, Shao Fei notices, dark and light blue; it reminds him of that one suit of Tang Yi's, in an “inspired by” kind of way. He wonders if Hong Ye did that on purpose.

“Jack says he'll make you a cake,” Shao Fei says as he adds the tofu cubes to the sauce. “For your birthday, I mean. But he wants to talk to you about it first, to make sure he makes something you'll like.”

“Not strawberry,” Xu Yang says.

Shao Fei smiles. “No,” he says, “not strawberry.”

Xu Yang nods to himself, his attention still concentrated on his shirt cuff. A few minutes later, as Shao Fei brings the tofu and soup over to the table, Xu Yang opens the refrigerator and pulls out a gallon of Coke.

Shao Fei grins. Tang Yi is going to kill him for that one.

They sit down in the same chairs they always do, and Shao Fei spoons tofu and extra pork on top of Xu Yang's rice.

“Did you have a good day today?” he asks. “How are those books Hong Ye got you, have you started reading them?”

Xu Yang nods down at his food.

“There's a dragon in this one,” he says.

Of course there is, Shao Fei thinks. Just like Hong Ye to pick something like that; he wonders if the dragon is the hero or the villain. He would believe it either way.

“How's your dinner?” he asks next. “You know, if there's anything in particular you want some night, you can tell me. I might not know how to make it right away, but I'm sure I'd be able to find a recipe somewhere.”

Xu Yang looks up, his eyes sort of wide, though Shao Fei isn't sure whether he's surprised by the offer, or afraid that he's somehow given the impression that he's unhappy with Shao Fei's cooking.

“I like this,” he says, picking up a big bite of rice and tofu. “I like all the food you make.”

Shao Fei smiles weakly.

“Thank you,” he says, “but you don't have to pretend.”

“I do!”

“And I'm glad for that,” Shao Fei says, “but really, it's okay for you to tell me if I make something you don't like to eat. I won't make you starve or anything, I won't...send you to bed without dinner. You have to eat plenty of vegetables, and you should probably still have lots of calcium and all for your arm, but you can be honest with me, it's really fine!”

His eyes darting down to his food, Xu Yang scoops up another big bite of rice and tofu, shoving it into his mouth all at once and looking defiantly up at Shao Fei as if to make a point. It's not a bad effort, either, until he curls forward and starts coughing into his hand.

“Oh—here,” Shao Fei picks up Xu Yang's soup bowl, “here, drink some of this, do you want some water?”

Xu Yang takes the bowl, carefully sipping the hot broth, and shakes his head even as he clears his throat with a loud, scratchy sound.

“I'm okay,” he says. “It's good. The food, it's good.”

What a stubborn kid he is, Shao Fei thinks with some affection. When Tang Yi comes back home, they're all going to have their hands full with each other, that's for sure.

When Tang Yi comes home.

Shao Fei smiles again as Xu Yang takes another, much smaller bite of his dinner. He'll take care of everything.

He made a promise, after all.

Chapter Text

Thursday afternoon at two o'clock, just as he has dozens of Thursday afternoons before, just as he will dozens more, Shao Fei sits in the prison visitation room, his eyes fixed on the locked door on the opposite side of the glass as he presses the plastic telephone receiver to his ear. The prison is as it always is; the faint smell of metal and sweat, the hushed voices of nervous first-time visitors and the excited chatter of those with more experience. Fluorescent light sucks the color from the room, leaving everything with a bluish tint that sharpens the shadows and brightens the highlights on the cold aluminum chairs lined up along the table. All the awful things he doesn't really notice anymore, all the things he hasn't noticed for ages.

The door opens with a click and a creak, he knows, even though he can't hear it. That familiar routine, that most welcome interruption. Tang Yi's smile brightens when his eyes land on Shao Fei, even as he walks with the same heavy steps of every faceless body stashed away in this place, following the guards as they lead him to his seat on the opposite side of the glass where he picks up his plastic phone.

“Shao Fei,” he says warmly.

Shao Fei presses his hand to the tabletop, the edge digging into his palm as he leans forward.

“What happened?”

Tang Yi's smile disappears indifferently, the bruise on his cheek turning sickly green under the fluorescents as he shakes his head.

“It's nothing,” he says. “Don't worry.”

“How can I not?” Shao Fei demands, the words coming out more harshly than he means. “Tang Yi! Knowing you're all alone in here, where these things can happen to you any time, what else am I supposed to do?”

Tang Yi fixes him with a stern expression. “This isn't the first time.”

Shao Fei slumps back down in his seat, curling his hand into a fist and resting his forehead on the backs of his knuckles.

“I know, it's just...”

It's just that things are supposed to be different now, after all this time. Things are supposed to be better, after all they've gone through.

Things are supposed to be easier, from where they are.

Shao Fei raises his head back up and drops his hand.

“I miss you so much.”

Tang Yi reaches his fingertips toward the glass and smiles again.

“I know,” he says softly. “Me too.”

Tightening his grip around the telephone, Shao Fei tries to smile back.

There's no need to dwell on those sorts of things.

“Hong Ye and Dao Yi came to visit,” he says instead. “They said they'd talked to you?”

Tang Yi nods. “I told them about Xu Yang, I'm sure you know.”

“Yes, they were pretty up-front about that!”

Shifting himself around so that the wounded side of his face is mostly turned away, Tang Yi tilts his head down to muffle his laughter. “It wasn't my intention for her to accost you, I promise you that much.”

“Yet you seem pretty confident that's exactly what she did,” Shao Fei says as Tang Yi shrugs. “You're right, by the way. But I'll have you know I was planning to call them myself to ask Dao Yi for advice about getting Xu Yang ready for school next year, since he hasn't been in so long and all that.”

Shao Fei means to go on, to tell him about the private tutors, and the shopping trip, and the birthday cake, but the light he expected to see in Tang Yi's eyes is missing, the smile curving his lips suddenly too forced. If Shao Fei didn't know any better, he would say Tang Yi looks almost—dejected?

“Tang Yi?”

His pitiful mood seems to disappear as quickly as it came on, but Shao Fei knows Tang Yi far too well to be fooled by some halfhearted mask.

To his credit, at least, Tang Yi doesn't deny it outright.

“Things are going quite well, it seems,” he says. “It sounds like you and Xu Yang are getting along.”

Shao Fei narrows his eyes a bit. They are, that's certainly true, but shouldn't Tang Yi be happy for it? Life will be so much easier for all of them if Xu Yang doesn't see Shao Fei as merely a guardian, or an innkeeper, if he can learn to trust him and maybe even let himself be comfortable around him. If they can build some kind of bond, if they can find something special between the two of them, something...

Something no one else can be a part of. Something no one else ever will.

Oh. Oh, Tang Yi.

Shao Fei does the best he can to bring all the life going on on the other side of these walls in with him when he comes to visit in the stories he tells and the questions he asks, but he's only one man. The world outside is so big, and his words can only do so much, no matter how pretty they are.

Well, maybe there's still something more he can do about that. Promptly leaning forward toward the glass, he braces his arm on the table to push himself so close that his face is nearly pressed up against it.

“I have a question for you,” he says.

Tang Yi hums a curious sound, his expression largely unchanged, and Shao Fei concentrates as hard as he can on the unblemished half of his face.

“How would you feel about me bringing Xu Yang here with me? To visit you?”

Tang Yi's mask slips a bit.

“Startled” is not the sort of reaction Shao Fei expected, but it's certainly the one he reads in Tang Yi's briefly widened eyes and slackened mouth. Come to think of it, after Zhao Zi's response the other day, he wonders if maybe he shouldn't be so surprised.

“You're going to meet sometime,” he pushes on, “when you get out of here, at least, and don't you think it would be best if you already know each other by then? If you've already met in person?”

Tang Yi presses his lips together and smiles in a way that's probably not supposed to look as uncertain as it does.

“So this arrangement is a permanent one?” he asks. “You're convinced he's going to stay?”

“What changed” is the question he's trying to ask. “What am I missing out on” is the one that he won't.

Shao Fei sighs.

“I don't think he's looking for excuses to leave, anymore,” he says. “I thought he would run, after the markets, but he didn't. I thought he might try after I found him having nightmares, or after he told me about when his parents abandoned him, but he didn't then, either. I don't know if he really believes yet that our house is a place he can make into a home, or that our family can be his, too, but I think he wants to. I think he's trying his best.”

Tang Yi nods slowly, the thoughts in his mind surely racing, turning over and over again, and Shao Fei smiles at him.

“I think this is important,” he says. “I think this is an important step. It's important that you know each other for real, that Xu Yang doesn't just make up an image of you in his head as some former gangster, or, that man I talk about all the time. I want him to have a chance to know you outside of all the stories.”

Tang Yi's smile turns teasing at that, and Shao Fei feels his heart start to lighten.

“You talk about me all the time?”

Shao Fei rears back suddenly. “No shit! Of course I do, who else am I going to talk about? Even you'd be bored of me by now, I'm sure!”

Laughing at Shao Fei's indignation, Tang Yi tilts his head, smiling an endeared smile that's almost enough to hide the wound darkening his cheek. Almost enough to pretend that everything is just fine this way.

“I could never be bored of you,” he says. “I promise you that.”

Shao Fei narrows his eyes. “You say that now.”

“I'll say it forever.”

Meeting Tang Yi's eyes through the dirty glass, the open sincerity he sees there nearly breaks Shao Fei's heart. To think that he could ever have accused this man of being emotionless, to think that such a time has ever existed, that he could have been so foolish...

Blinking quickly, tightening his jaw, Shao Fei reaches to touch the glass.

“Hey,” he says. “You're okay with this?”

Tang Yi's smile dims, softening. The cold light shines down on his injured face and he cradles the plastic telephone to his ear, sliding his empty hand as close to the window as he can reach.

Shao Fei smiles.

“Yes, then?”

Tang Yi nods.

“Yes.”

The silence around them is colored in by the rise and fall of other people's whispers and murmurs, the rest of the world disappeared in every way that matters.

Then the moment's come and gone, and Shao Fei clears his throat.

“I didn't even get to tell you about when your sister came by the house.”

“Oh?” Tang Yi leans back in his chair. “What happened?”

“She practically kidnapped Xu Yang! So brazen. As soon as she saw his room, right away she decided she needed to take him to the mall to buy him new clothes. Before breakfast, even, she dragged him right off.”

“Didn't you want to buy him new clothes anyway?”

“Of course I did, and I'm grateful to her for doing that for him, but then you know what else she bought? For no reason at all, she bought him a stuffed animal, a little pig.”

Tang Yi doesn't try at all to hide his smile at the story, his eyes crinkling up in amusement. “Maybe he was the one who picked it out.”

“So now the two of them are going to be ganging up on me?” Shao Fei drops his chin into his hand with a sullen frown. “Great, that's just what I need.”

“I'm sure you'll be able to hold your own.”

“Yeah, lucky me. Zhao Zi and Jack aren't going to be of any help either, I'll bet.”

“And what makes you so sure of that?”

“Zhao Zi invited me over to their place for lunch the other day, and let me tell you, I knew right away that it was just an excuse to ask about Xu Yang.” Shao Fei rolls his eyes. “They think they're so clever, those two. You should've seen how quickly Jack agreed to make a cake for Xu Yang's birthday, that man has no shame at all.”

Tang Yi raises his eyebrows. “Xu Yang's birthday?”

“Yes, it's December thirtieth.” Shao Fei waves his hand a little. “We were talking about school and things, trying to figure out what year he should enroll in, and it came up then.”

“And...Jack is making him a cake.”

“Well, Zhao Zi was so horrified that he's never had one before, that might've had something to do with it, but I bet he would have agreed either way.”

Smiling broadly, Tang Yi tightens his grip on the telephone as he lowers his head, his huff of laughter barely audible through the line. Shao Fei smiles too, unable to help himself; the world passing on by, all those things going on outside these hostile walls will make room for Tang Yi when he comes back to join them. They'll all be waiting with open arms.

After a moment, Tang Yi looks up again, his expression calmer than before, settled in a way Shao Fei doesn't expect.

“It sounds like you're doing very well,” he says. “Both of you. All of you.”

Shao Fei nods.

“I think so,” he says. “We're trying, at least.”

“Mm.” Tang Yi shifts his posture, setting back into a position somewhere between relaxed and resolute, the look of a man determined that he's made up his mind. “I'm glad, although I can't say I'm surprised.”

As Shao Fei watches, he takes a steadying breath and smiles again.

“I look forward to meeting him.”

Shao Fei grins back.

“I'm sure he'll look forward to meeting you, too.”

Tang Yi arches his eyebrows. “You haven't asked him yet?”

“I wanted to check with you first!”

“Meng Shao Fei.”

“I didn't want him to get ahead of himself if you said no.”

“You really thought I would refuse you?”

“I didn't—” Shao Fei stops himself short. “You—what did you say?”

Tang Yi looks at him evenly, the phone cradled to his ear.

“I know there's not much I can do to help you right now, but I can give you this, at least.”

At least, he says. As if this is nothing.

Shao Fei rests his cheek in his palm and looks at Tang Yi through the glass, at the dark spot coloring his face, the metal shackles shining around his wrists. The dirt in his hair and the pallor of his skin.

As if he isn't giving Shao Fei everything.

“Tang Yi...”

Tang Yi hums softly, and Shao Fei parts his lips as he searches for the words that can express how much it means to him that Tang Yi is here, now, making the sacrifices he's making. That he stayed as long as he did, even before any of them knew any better, that he never stopped fighting even when he probably should have. That he's given Shao Fei more than he ever could have hoped for, more than he ever thought to wish for, that he keeps giving him more and more every single day just by being himself. All of these things that are too big to put into words, too much to explain, what can he say?

“Tang Yi, I love you.”

A few seconds pass before Tang Yi smiles again, and Shao Fei is pretty sure he understands.

“Just a little while longer,” Tang Yi says.

Shao Fei does his best to smile back. After everything that's happened, they can wait a little more.

Now, and forever.

***

There's a lot left to do at the station, as there always seems to be, and Shao Fei figures he ought to go back and get some of it done, at least to keep it from hanging over his head all weekend. He is the captain, after all, and he should set a good example.

His hands resting on the steering wheel of his car, idling in front of the prison at nearly half past three, Shao Fei knows with absolute certainty that the rest of the day won't be a very productive one. And won't it do more damage to the team's morale to see him sitting there in his office, bent over his desk with his pen pressed to paper and getting nothing done?

Not that he needs a rationalization. He is the captain, after all.

Putting the car into drive, Shao Fei sets off for home, pulling ahead of another car on its way out of the prison. Yes, well, it's that time of day again.

A while later, the compound comes into view in the distance, and Shao Fei presses his lips together. The peace after he leaves the prison gets shorter and shorter every time, that sense of lightness growing heavier and heavier with each passing week. The first day, so long ago now, he remembers even daring to think that this might not be so bad after all, that he'd expected the worst for nothing.

No. No, not this time. This time, they're making plans, they're figuring out where to go next, and how to get there. All the space in between, the space for things to go wrong, there's plenty of it, but—no. They having to keep going, they have to keep living. They'll keep waiting, just a little while longer.

Shao Fei parks the car in the driveway, his eyes drifting up to the second story windows as he walks toward the door, up to the gauzy curtains hanging down. Tang Yi's room.

He smiles wryly at himself. If anything, isn't it his room now? Sure. The thoughts just get jumbled up sometimes, is all.

It's not true, anyway. It's both, still. It's theirs.

Shao Fei opens the door and slips off his shoes. This is no time to get distracted with doubts and self-pity; he's got an important question that needs asking.

“What's wrong?”

“Eh?”

Shao Fei jerks his head up abruptly, his steps pausing when he finds Xu Yang already standing at the edge of the kitchen island as though he's been waiting there, or maybe he came out to meet Shao Fei when he heard him come inside.

“Xu Yang,” Shao Fei says, relaxing his overly-alert posturing. “Nothing's wrong, why would you think that?”

Xu Yang looks over his shoulder out the window, at the sunlight shining in, and folds his arms tight.

“It's so early,” he says. “Usually it's dark when you come home. Time for dinner.”

“Ah, yeah.” Shao Fei walks the rest of the way into the house proper, beckoning Xu Yang over to the sofa as he pointedly ignores the part where Xu Yang still measures his days by how close the light is to darkness and what time he might get to eat next. “I see why you might think that. Nothing's wrong, though, I just didn't want to go back to work after I saw Tang Yi this afternoon.” He smiles again as Xu Yang sits beside him. “Actually, I wanted to come home and see you.”

Xu Yang looks up at him blankly, his hands pressed down between his knees.

Shao Fei looks down at the coffee table and tries to gather his thoughts.

“When I went to see Tang Yi today,” he says as he looks back up at Xu Yang's face, “I told him all about how you're doing, about how you met Hong Ye and Dao Yi, and you're planning to go back to school in September. And how Jack is making you a birthday cake, and all that.”

Shifting back in his seat, tucking himself into the sofa cushions, Xu Yang pulls one of his knees up to his chest and wraps his arms around it.

Shao Fei smiles again.

“He said it sounds like you're doing well,” he says. “And—I asked him if it would be okay if I brought you with me next time I went to visit. If you wanted.”

Xu Yang lowers his eyes to the floor, clasping his hand around his no longer bandaged forearm and sliding the black fabric of his shirt up toward his elbow.

Shao Fei leans a bit to the side.

“He said he'd like to meet you.”

Xu Yang lowers his eyes a little more.

“It's very safe,” Shao Fei goes on. “There's a room where people who are in prison can meet the people who come to visit them, with this big glass window down the middle; you and I would be on one side, sitting in chairs, and Tang Yi would be on the other side, and we'd talk through a telephone that no one else can hear. Only the people holding it. Nobody would be listening in or anything, it would just be you and me and him.”

Xu Yang pulls his shirt back down his arm to cover his hand.

“There are other people in the room?” he asks. “There are other prisoners?”

Shao Fei nods. “I think so, probably. Prisoners are only allowed to have visitors at certain times of day, so the room usually has a few other people in it. But they won't pay any attention to us, I'm sure of it; even if they could hear us, they'll be too busy talking to whoever's come to see them. And—those guys who attacked you aren't even there, they're locked up somewhere else, so there's no way you'd run into them.”

Xu Yang twists his fingers in the hem of his sleeve and raises his eyes up to about Shao Fei's chest.

“You'd be there too?”

“Of course!” Shao Fei sits up straight, as if it might give his words some more authority. “I'll be right there with you the whole time. If you don't like it, if you want to leave, all you have to do is let me know, and we'll go right away.”

Xu Yang twists his fingers in his sleeve a little while longer before he sets his hands down and looks back up at Shao Fei.

“Okay.”

Shao Fei grins. Considering all the pressure leading up to this moment, Xu Yang is taking it a lot better than he expected.

“Okay,” he says. “That's great. I'm sure Tang Yi will be happy to see you—but, if next week is too soon, if you don't want to go yet, I can go by myself again. We can wait until the week after to go together, if you need more time.”

Xu Yang pulls his sleeves down again.

“Next week is okay.”

Shao Fei nods.

“And...there's one other thing,” he says carefully. “It's not bad, don't worry, and it's not a big deal, but I thought you should know.”

When Shao Fei doesn't go on right away, Xu Yang picks his other leg up off the floor and raises it to his chest. Shao Fei scratches his arm and clears his throat.

“You need identification to visit someone in prison,” he says. “I'll have to add you to our household registration here, mine and Tang Yi's. So...this will be your home from now on, for real. Here with us—with me, and Tang Yi, when he comes back. Okay?”

Xu Yang clasps his hands in front of his shins and tucks himself back up against the armrest.

“Did you adopt me?”

“Ah, that's—” Shao Fei's eyes widen a bit at the sudden question, and he raises his hand haltingly. “No, that's...different, that's a lot more complicated. Right now, this just means I'm responsible for you. You live here, and I'm taking care of you.”

Xu Yang looks at him evenly, the expression so familiar that for an instant, Shao Fei forgets that Xu Yang and Tang Yi really haven't already met one another.

“That's a big conversation,” he says. “Adoption. That's— I wouldn't just spring that on you like this, we would definitely talk about it first. But we'll meet Tang Yi next week, okay? You and me. And you can ask him any questions you want.”

Nodding, Xu Yang lowers his legs again and sets his feet back down on the floor.

“Okay.”

Shao Fei smiles as a profound relief settles over him.

All the words still unspoken, the things they may have missed, there's still time to take them all on. Together, they'll get to wherever it is they're going.

Chapter Text

It's a bright, cheerful day on Thursday, hardly a cloud in the clear blue sky. A perfect day for a picnic or something, maybe a walk in the park; this is one of those days that feels full of possibilities, like a great chance to try something new. Like all the fates might be on the right side, for once, like the sort of opportunity that doesn't come around very often.

The car comes to a stop at a red light, and Shao Fei looks into the rear view mirror for probably the fiftieth time in half as many minutes.

All those bright, cheerful feelings haven't quite come around their way just yet.

Shao Fei isn't having second thoughts or anything; he had plenty of those last night, and the two nights before that, for good measure. Xu Yang still hasn't completely gotten rid of his fear of being thrown out of the house over any minor inconvenience, but he's finally started opening up about his honest opinions of things—not all the time, never very much at once, but here and there—and surely this would be worthy of an objection, if he had one. Surely this, of all things.

In the rear view, Shao Fei watches Xu Yang sitting in the back seat, his hands laid one on top of the other in his lap as he stares out the window.

It's not that Shao Fei begrudges Xu Yang his nervousness, if that's what this is. He won't hold his silence against him, either; he understands the habit. He thinks he does, anyway; it's only natural that Xu Yang still keeps to himself in new situations, trying to get a sense of what he's getting himself into before he decides how to react. It's probably a big part of how he survived on his own for so long.

It's just that even the smallest hint of how he's feeling would be so helpful right now.

The traffic light turns green, and Shao Fei presses his foot against the gas pedal. They're not far from the prison, at least, so he won't have to wait much longer to find out.

Sure enough, the sprawling complex comes into view only moments later. Shao Fei glances into the mirror again, and Xu Yang keeps his eyes fixed out the window.

Maybe that's as much of a hint as he's going to get.

Thumping the steering wheel with his palm, Shao Fei opens his door and steps out of the car, pausing for Xu Yang to follows suit and come around to join him. His eyes are locked on the ground now, sharply focused on the cracks in the pavement, the path leading up to the gate of this unfamiliar place; Shao Fei tries to remember the first time he ever came here, a junior officer so sure he knew what he was getting into only to find that he had no idea at all. Even that was hard enough, and now he's daring to judge Xu Yang for his trepidation? Unforgivable.

The quiet is broken up by the muted sound of a bus opening its doors at a stop a few streets away, and Xu Yang reaches out to grasp Shao Fei's hand in his.

Shao Fei smiles.

“You ready?”

Shifting his shoulder around until he can twist the fingers of his free hand in the cuff of his shirt, Xu Yang nods.

It probably helps that the walk to the front doors isn't very long.

“Hello,” Shao Fei says as they approach the front desk. “I'm here to see a prisoner.”

The officer sitting there looks up at him dryly. “No kidding,” he says. “Could it be Tang Yi?”

“That's a lucky guess.” Pulling his wallet out of his pocket, Shao Fei sets it down on the counter and does his best to fish out his ID with one hand. “And I have another visitor with me today.”

Taking Shao Fei's ID, the officer lifts himself out of his chair until he can see Xu Yang standing at Shao Fei's side.

“Hi there.”

Xu Yang meets his gaze unblinkingly, his grip on Shao Fei's hand tightening a little bit.

“Xu Yang,” Shao Fei says, “this is Officer Tsai. He works here at the prison, I've met him lots of times. Officer Tsai, this is Xu Yang. He's on my household registration.”

Officer Tsai hums an indifferent acknowledgment as he scrawls something on a piece of paper and begins typing away on his computer. “Sign in there,” he says, nodding toward a clipboard set off to the side of the counter. “He got ID?”

“I mean, he's only ten.”

“Really.” Officer Tsai arches his eyebrows skeptically. “He your nephew or something?”

“Ah.” Shao Fei glances down at Xu Yang and back to Officer Tsai with a sheepish smile. “The thing is, he's an abandoned child; I found him on the street getting beaten up by some gangsters, and... It's a long story, but this is how things are for now.”

“I see.” Officer Tsai looks back at his computer screen and taps the pads of his fingers lightly against the keys. “How'd you get him on your registration?”

“A...friend at the Ministry of the Interior?”

Officer Tsai levels him with a cool stare before raising himself up out of his chair again to study Xu Yang staring back at him, still clutching Shao Fei's hand tight. Shao Fei makes an awkward sort of laughing sound, and Officer Tsai sighs wearily.

“Fine,” he says, “I'll take your word for it this time. Tang Yi's expecting you both?”

Shao Fei grins. “Of course. Nothing out of order here, don't worry. We won't start any riots.”

“Don't even kid about that,” Officer Tsai mutters, handing Shao Fei's ID back to him. “Go on in, you know the drill.”

“Thanks so much!”

“Don't push it.”

Shao Fei bends his waist in a little bow as Officer Tsai pointedly turns his attention back to his computer, a clear dismissal that prompts Shao Fei to guide Xu Yang over to the door beside the desk and into the hall leading to the visitation room.

“Well, that was close,” he jokes.

Peering up at him as they walk down the corridor, Xu Yang tugs on Shao Fei's hand.

“Hm?” Shao Fei slows as he lowers his eyes to Xu Yang. “Everything okay?”

Xu Yang tugs his hand again. “You cheated.”

“I what?” Shao Fei stops in his tracks. “How did I cheat?”

“With Officer Tsai,” Xu Yang says, stopping as well. “You said you could put me on the household registration because you have a friend at the Ministry of the Interior. That's what people say when they're cheating.”

Shao Fei sighs through his teeth. He sure is a perceptive one, isn't he.

“Right.” Shao Fei raises his eyes to the ceiling for a second. “Well. That wasn't really cheating, exactly, that was more like...good luck. Knowing some very helpful people. But don't tell Zhao Zi I said that.” He frowns. “Or Jack, definitely don't tell Jack.”

Xu Yang looks down at their clasped hands and shakes them a little. “Is Officer Tsai going to take me off the registration?”

“What?” That's certainly some kind of conclusion to leap to. Crouching down to put them at eye level, Shao Fei sets his hands on Xu Yang's shoulders. “No. Absolutely not. He can't do that, and that's just bureaucracy anyway, don't worry about it. And—I think I still have to talk to a lawyer about being your legal guardian, but Tang Yi knows the best lawyers in all of Taiwan, I'll definitely be able to do it. And I promise you, I promise you, no one is going to make you leave if you don't want to. I won't let them.” He tightens his grip on Xu Yang's shoulders, just enough pressure to show he means it. “Okay?”

Xu Yang looks at him solemnly, no doubt searching for any signs that Shao Fei is lying, or that he's telling the truth, and Shao Fei holds his gaze with all the sincerity he can muster and hopes it's enough. Is there anything more he can say? Any way he can prove himself?

No, not really. There's only so much his words can do, after all.

Then Xu Yang nods his acceptance, and for now, it's enough.

“Okay.”

Shao Fei smiles, just barely holding back a sigh of relief as he pats Xu Yang's shoulders and stands back up.

“Okay. Now let's go meet Tang Yi, huh? I bet he's waiting for us.”

They make it all the way to the door to the visitation room before Xu Yang grabs his hand again, not that Shao Fei minds the gesture. Leading them to his usual window, Shao Fei realizes a moment too late that each visitor's station is equipped with only a single chair; how do people normally do this, is Xu Yang supposed to sit on his lap? Should Xu Yang sit down alone so he can introduce himself, or should Shao Fei sit down and take care of that for him?

Of course that's the same moment that the door opens on the opposite side of the glass, Tang Yi's customary smile turned quickly to a frown as he shuffles across the floor toward the two of them while Shao Fei stands there, awkwardly drumming his fingers on the divider between their window and the next one over.

“Tang Yi!” Shao Fei blurts out, his eyes widening as he fumbles to pick up the phone and throw himself into the single chair as Xu Yang huddles up behind him.

On the other side of the window, Tang Yi calmly picks up his receiver and raises it to his ear.

“Shao Fei.”

Shao Fei smiles, much too wide and showing far too many of his teeth as Tang Yi quirks his eyebrows bemusedly.

“Is there something you want to tell me?”

“I— Yes.” Shao Fei looks over his shoulder, reaching back to lay his hand on Xu Yang's arm and nodding toward the window. “This is Xu Yang. Xu Yang, this is—this is Tang Yi.”

Well, that probably could have gone better.

To his credit, Xu Yang only hesitates for a second or two before he edges around the chair to Shao Fei's side, looking up shyly with his averted eyes that are probably only focused about as high as the edge of the countertop.

“Shao Fei,” Tang Yi says. “You're sure this is all right?”

Glancing at Xu Yang, at his timid posture and his cautious gaze, Shao Fei lowers the telephone receiver and puts his hand over the mouthpiece.

“Xu Yang?” he says softly. “Are you okay?”

Xu Yang nods, a determined set to the line of his mouth, and Shao Fei rubs his hand up and down his back as he raises the receiver again and turns back to Tang Yi.

“Yes,” he says, “everything is fine. And I'll be right here,” his eyes dart to Xu Yang, “if you need anything at all. Either of you.”

Tang Yi smiles.

Maybe they're not so off track after all.

Holding the receiver out to Xu Yang, Shao Fei steps out of the chair, hovering over the seat until Xu Yang takes his place and accepts the phone.

Only then does Shao Fei realize another thing he forgot to account for: Not being much of a lip reader, he's only able to understand half of the conversation. The first part isn't hard to guess; “Hello, Xu Yang,” some normal sort of greeting, probably, but this is clearly going to get awkward, and fast. Faster than he expected, even; Tang Yi says something else, and rather than give his answer, Xu Yang looks up at Shao Fei uncertainly.

Shao Fei presses his lips together on a sigh.

“It's okay,” he says. “We'll figure this out. What did he say?”

Xu Yang shifts his grip on the phone.

“He said you talk about me a lot.”

Sure, of course he does. Is Xu Yang really surprised? He knows Tang Yi's relationship to Shao Fei, it's only natural. But then again, how must that have sounded? “Shao Fei talks about you a lot,” “I've heard a lot about you from Shao Fei,” something like that is pretty open to interpretation, especially coming from someone Xu Yang doesn't know. Especially a former gangster.

“I do, but all good things,” Shao Fei says. “Don't worry about that. But...maybe this is still moving too fast, huh? Seems like it's not working out quite how we expected. How about I talk on the phone for now, I'll tell you what Tang Yi says and you ask me if you have any questions, and then you can talk to me, you can tell me what you want to say back to him.”

Nodding, Xu Yang turns back around to face Tang Yi.

“It was very nice to meet you,” he says.

Tang Yi's lips part uncertainly, his brow furrowing as Xu Yang stands up and hands the phone back to Shao Fei.

“What happened?” Tang Yi asks, sounding so genuinely troubled that Shao Fei can't help but feel touched. “Is he okay, did I say something wrong?”

“He's fine,” Shao Fei says, “everything is fine. We're not leaving, don't worry, we just need to rework this a little bit; you don't mind if I play go-between for you two, right?”

Tang Yi shakes his head slowly, even though there's still a trace of concern in his eyes. Reaching blindly for Xu Yang's hand, Shao Fei tries to smile reassuringly without letting on too much that he's making up his new plan completely on the spot.

“Okay,” he says. “So what did you want to ask him?”

Casting his eyes to Xu Yang standing stiffly at Shao Fei's side, Tang Yi smiles again, more affectionately than Shao Fei would expect after that minor disaster of an introduction.

“This is a strange thing to ask with you as intermediary, but—is Shao Fei treating you well?”

Shao Fei smiles wryly. “Hong Ye said the same thing when they first met, though she made sure to mention how useless I am.”

Tang Yi looks pointedly from Shao Fei to Xu Yang and back, and Shao Fei shakes his head quickly.

“Right, sorry; uh, he wants to know if I'm treating you well.”

“Yes,” Xu Yang says instantly, much as he has every other time the matter has come up. Then, a moment later:

“Does he treat you well?”

Startled by the unexpected retort, Shao Fei fumbles for a moment before he relays it through the phone. Tang Yi's eyes widen briefly in surprise as he takes a moment to get his thoughts in order, and Shao Fei has to admit, he's curious to hear the answer himself.

“Shao Fei,” Tang Yi says eventually, “may I answer him directly? Will he take the phone back?”

Oh. Well. That's probably for the best; this isn't really his business, anyway.

“Um.” Shao Fei holds the receiver away from his ear and turns back to Xu Yang. “He wants to tell you himself, is that okay?”

Xu Yang hasn't taken his eyes off of Tang Yi since he returned the phone to Shao Fei, and for a moment, Shao Fei wonders if his probing gaze is putting Tang Yi too much on edge. In fairness, that sort of thing probably happens in the mob all the time, although he has to imagine that staring down a rival gang leader is at least somewhat different from a small child.

Nevertheless, Xu Yang nods, holding his hand out for Shao Fei to give him the phone as they trade places again. Shao Fei instinctively reaches for Xu Yang, but Xu Yang holds the receiver with both of his hands, one around the handle and the other cupped around the speaker as Tang Yi meets his focused stare with obvious sincerity, a blatant contrast to their unfortunate surroundings.

Shao Fei wonders briefly if he should look away.

Then again, given that he's here to offer his support to them both, that would be kind of counterproductive.

Tang Yi's answer, when it comes, is much longer than Xu Yang's simple “yes,” but even so, it doesn't do anything to change Xu Yang's piercing expression any as he tilts his head closer to the telephone.

“Are you lying?”

Gangsters always lie, after all. Of course, the fact that he's asking the question in the first place, that he's prepared to accept the answer for what it is, means there's only really one way this can go. Looking Xu Yang in the eye with a resoluteness Shao Fei knows all too well, Tang Yi shakes his head, his lips forming the words that they're all expecting, equal parts meaningless and meaningful but still critically important for him to say, for Xu Yang to hear.

They hold each other's gazes for a little while longer before Xu Yang nods.

“Okay,” he says.

Nodding in return, Tang Yi sits back in his chair. He says something else, maybe another question, and Xu Yang barely looks at Shao Fei before he offers his response:

“How much longer do you have to be here?”

Raising his eyebrows, Shao Fei folds his arms and shifts his weight onto his heels. From his tone, it seems unlikely that the question is coming from a place of nerves; for as long as he's been in Shao Fei's care, Xu Yang has been aware that Tang Yi will be coming back home sooner or later, and all in all, their meeting doesn't seem to have gone so badly that he's suddenly feeling the need to brace himself for his arrival. Could it be then that he's already looking forward to it?

Tang Yi gives his answer, and Xu Yang frowns for a second, glancing over at Shao Fei.

“Can't he make it shorter?” he asks. “He has helpful friends.”

Shao Fei covers his mouth to stifle a wide smile as Tang Yi laughs outright before he offers his reply. Whatever he says doesn't seem to completely satisfy Xu Yang, but he doesn't try to argue any more, and Shao Fei has to admit that as introductions to the concept of incarceration go, this one sure is an interesting crash course.

Then Xu Yang looks back at Shao Fei again, his eyes wide and innocent, and Shao Fei knows better, he really does, but he can't help wondering if maybe he can do something about Tang Yi's sentence, if maybe there is some detail he's overlooked, some friend he can call. Because Xu Yang has met Tang Yi now, and he knows him, knows he's real, and there's no going back from here.

“I'll see what I can do,” Shao Fei says, setting his hand on top of Xu Yang's head. “I'll try my best.”

Xu Yang nods and turns back to Tang Yi.

“He talks about you a lot,” he says.

Tang Yi smiles as he replies, and Xu Yang shakes his head before he tips it back to look at Shao Fei.

“He says he's sorry if you've made me sick of him before we even got to meet.”

His mouth dropping open, Shao Fei gapes indignantly through the window at Tang Yi, but the traitor only smiles again.

“I knew it,” Shao Fei accuses, “I knew you'd join the rest of them, I knew you'd all team up against me.”

Tang Yi says something else, and Xu Yang tips his head back again.

“He says he can't hear you.”

Shao Fei scowls.

Tang Yi winks.

Okay, okay. Maybe he can let it slide this time.

***

The sky is still clear and bright as they drive down the road, the sun still shining down on a whole world of possibilities that suddenly seem a lot easier to believe in than they did a few hours ago.

Xu Yang still sits in the back seat with his hands in his lap, still looking out the window, but there's much less stiffness to his posture now, much less apprehension. As Shao Fei glances into the rear view, Xu Yang drops his head against the backrest, his eyes not fixed on the scenery rolling on by so much as letting it pass in the background as he gets lost in his own thoughts.

Shao Fei smiles, turning his attention back to the road. He and Xu Yang are still figuring out their own relationship, of course, still trying to work out the boundaries of how to be in one another's lives, but if they've gotten to a point where Shao Fei can stand in as a place of security when Xu Yang needs something to hold on to, if he can be his something familiar in an unfamiliar place, then he figures they must be doing something right.

They're about halfway back home when he decides to ask.

“I thought that went pretty well, huh?”

Picking his head up off the backrest, Xu Yang meets Shao Fei's eyes in the mirror.

“You can visit him with me again sometime, if you want,” Shao Fei says. “Just let me know, and we can go together.”

Xu Yang hums a puzzled note under his breath as Shao Fei pulls up to a red light and turns his head a bit.

“What is it?”

Xu Yang frowns.

“Is Tang Yi as good at cooking as you?”

Visions of Hong Ye's horror at such a comparison, of Tang Yi's self-satisfied teasing and Jack's subversive jabs flash through Shao Fei's mind at the question, and he clears his throat to cover a startled laugh.

“He's much better than I am,” he says. “When he gets home, I'm sure he'll be glad to show you.”

Furrowing his brow, Xu Yang looks out the window for a moment before turning back toward the front seat as the light turns green.

“Is he better than Jack?”

Shao Fei grins.

“You'll have to take that up with the two of them.”

Xu Yang turns to look back out the window, evidently content with the answer for the time being. Shao Fei smiles again; between himself, Zhao Zi, and now Xu Yang, Jack and Tang Yi will certainly have their work cut out for them, proving their respective culinary prowess.

Shao Fei wonders if he'll ever get to cook another meal for the rest of his life. It would be a shame to have to give that up over some silly sense of competitiveness.

All things considered, there are probably worse fates.

Chapter Text

The oddest thing happens on Friday: Shao Fei wakes up early enough to prepare green onion pancakes with scrambled eggs for breakfast, makes it to the police station at a reasonable hour, gets a decent amount of work done, and leaves without incident at six o'clock. Jun Wei and Yu Qi finish a massive stack of reports that's been piling up, and Unit Three even manages to make some pretty significant progress toward dismantling an exotic animal smuggling ring.

Zhao Zi doesn't ask him about Xu Yang's meeting with Tang Yi even once. If anything, he seems to be going out of his way to keep to himself.

Shao Fei is a little insulted.

The strangeness continues well into the weekend: Shao Fei and Xu Yang go to the grocery store on Saturday, this time making sure to bring a fairly long but incredibly specific shopping list, and spend most of the afternoon in the kitchen. On Sunday, they go for a pretty leisurely walk, staying out a half hour or so longer than they planned because Shao Fei loses track of time and it doesn't occur to Xu Yang to bring it up.

Hong Ye and Dao Yi don't drop by or anything. They don't even call.

Shao Fei is a little confused.

Does everyone else know something he doesn't? Are they having secret meetings behind his back? Probably not, coordinating everyone's schedules alone would be a nightmare—to say nothing of getting Jack and Hong Ye to stop sniping at each other long enough to make it worth all the trouble—but they're definitely acting weird.

By the time Monday afternoon comes around, Shao Fei has had enough.

“Zhao Zi,” he says, sitting down beside his friend and the obscenely large lunch Jack seems to have packed for him today. “What's going on?”

Zhao Zi furrows his brow down at his food and then back up at Shao Fei.

“Takoyaki?”

Shao Fei levels him with the most unimpressed scowl he can manage.

“Zhao Zi.”

Zhao Zi looks down at his food again, and Shao Fei nudges his chair closer.

“Come on, why are you acting so strange?”

Curling his arm around his lunchbox, Zhao Zi takes a bite of his squid, and Shao Fei sighs loudly.

“You tried to trick me into coming over to your house so you and Jack could ask me all about Xu Yang, and now you don't even want to know anything about his very first meeting with Tang Yi?”

“I didn't want to make you any more upset!”

Shao Fei drops back in his seat. Upset? About Xu Yang and Tang Yi?

“More upset?” he asks. “Why do you think I'm upset in the first place?”

Zhao Zi pierces his takoyaki with a toothpick and raises his shoulder nearly up to his ear.

“Because the meeting went badly?”

Shao Fei frowns. “Says who, why do you think it went badly?”

“Because...” Zhao Zi looks at him uncertainly. “Because you were so worried about it and planned it out so carefully, and then you didn't say anything after, I thought it must have. Of course I'm curious! But I didn't want to bring it up if you didn't want to talk about it.”

Geez, that's what all this is about? And Hong Ye and Dao Yi, this is their excuse, too? No, that doesn't make sense, they haven't spoken to Shao Fei for days; Tang Yi certainly told Hong Ye that Xu Yang was coming to visit, and she must have called him to find out how it went, but why hasn't she tried to speak to Xu Yang about it, too? She seemed to like him well enough the last time she came over, already spoiling him so much and treating him like a member of the family, wouldn't she at least want to ask? Unless Tang Yi told her not to. But the meeting went so well, didn't it? Why would he have done that?

Not that there's much he can do to figure the whole mess out right now. For the time being, he just shakes his head.

“Not at all,” he says. “I should thank you for the thought, I guess, but it went very well. Actually, it was sort of a rough start, there were some details I hadn't thought of, but once we figured out how to handle everything, they seemed to really enjoy each other's company. I wouldn't be surprised if Xu Yang wants to come back to the prison so he and Tang Yi can exchange stories about me, I'm sure Tang Yi would enjoy that, too.”

“You would let him go by himself?”

Shao Fei scoffs. “Of course not, but I don't think my being there is going to stop them.”

Piercing another takoyaki, Zhao Zi grins brightly. “Well, that's great!”

“Yes, I really appreciate your support.”

“Oh—no,” Zhao Zi's face falls a bit before he smiles again, “I meant it's great that they got along so well, you must be relieved.”

His eyes drifting down to the tabletop, Shao Fei tightens the line of his mouth as he clasps his hands together.

“I am,” he says. “I knew that they might not, but I never really confronted the possibility, I don't think I would have been able to bear the stress. And do you know,” he looks up again, “I think Xu Yang is actually excited about it now? About Tang Yi coming home, I mean. When we were driving back from the prison, he asked me about Tang Yi's cooking, if he's any good at it. I think he's looking forward to getting to know him better.”

Zhao Zi picks a California roll out of his lunchbox and nods thoughtfully.

“Xu Yang likes to cook?” he asks. “You said he would help Jack with his birthday cake, is he very interested in that kind of thing?”

Shao Fei shakes his head. “I'm not sure, but I wouldn't be surprised.” Leaning in, he steals a sushi roll before Zhao Zi can position himself too defensively around his food. “He seems to enjoy himself when we make dinner together, now that he knows I'm not going to punish him for not cutting the carrots perfectly or something.”

“Mm.” Zhao Zi stabs another takoyaki. “Does he cook very much on his own?”

“He—” Shao Fei stops himself short. “Huh...”

That's not a bad question. Now that he thinks about it, Shao Fei has never really noticed any food missing from the refrigerator that he hasn't taken out himself. Maybe it's not such a surprise that Xu Yang hasn't tried to make anything from scratch without supervision, especially if he's still nervous about using the stove, but there are fruits and vegetables around that he could snack on, and even leftovers, sometimes. What does he do alone at the house while Shao Fei is at work, does he prefer to starve himself rather than take food when he gets hungry? Just because Shao Fei isn't around to give him permission?

Propping his cheek on his fist, Shao Fei frowns at Zhao Zi.

“Why is it that every time I talk to you about Xu Yang, I realize something else I'm doing wrong?”

Zhao Zi shakes his head vehemently. “No, I was just asking a question! I'm sure you're doing plenty of things right! And Jack wouldn't mind teaching him some things, some easy dishes he could make for himself, if you want to help him out that way.”

“You've talked to him about it?”

“Well...no, but I'm sure it would be fine.”

“I'll ask his permission first, I'm not making that mistake again.” Shao Fei sits up and stretches his arms out in front of him. “But it's not a bad idea; I'd have to ask Xu Yang if he's okay with it too, of course, but I'm sure he would have fun spending some time with Jack. Better than hanging around all day long with nothing to do, anyway.”

Zhao Zi hums as he takes another bite. “He likes spicy food, right?”

Shao Fei nods. “And Coke.”

Reaching over to clasp Shao Fei's shoulder, Zhao Zi smiles.

“You're doing good, Shao Fei.”

Shao Fei smiles back.

***

Sitting in his usual chair at his usual window, Shao Fei presses the plastic telephone receiver to his ear and drums his fingers against the countertop with his free hand, stopping every now and again to check his watch. One fifty-nine, two o'clock, two oh-one; each minute seems to last an hour, does it always take this long? Will Tang Yi ever come through the prison door?

Just as Shao Fei is about to go back out into the reception area to ask Officer Tsai if there's some kind of holdup, the door opens and Tang Yi shuffles into the visitation room, his eyes landing on Shao Fei and his smile brightening as he takes his seat.

“Shao Fei.”

Shao Fei smiles wide, maybe a little giddy. “Tang Yi,” he says. “How are you, how are things going?”

“As well as can be expected.” Tang Yi straightens his posture a bit, his eyes shifting as though he's trying to see something behind Shao Fei before he relaxes back into his chair. “You've come by yourself today?”

And to think, they were all so nervous things would take a turn for the worse. It's even laughable, in hindsight, how much Shao Fei let himself get worked up about the two of them meeting; of course, looking at it from another angle, this is still one more thing Tang Yi is missing out on, one more thing to bring him down day after day.

For now, Shao Fei makes an effort to put on his most affronted expression.

“I see how it is,” he says. “Suddenly that's not good enough for you?”

“Of course it is,” Tang Yi says crisply. “Of course you are. I'm only hoping I didn't scare him off last time.”

“Xu Yang?” Shao Fei smirks. “Hardly so; I told him he could come back here with me any time he wanted, he seemed to like the idea very much. Two weeks in a row might be too much right now, that's all. He still needs some time to get used to all of this.”

“I see,” Tang Yi says with thinly veiled relief. “That's good to hear.”

“Mm.” Shao Fei nods. “I'm surprised Hong Ye didn't come by to check on us, I assume you told her Xu Yang came to visit.”

Tang Yi gets a thoughtful look in his eyes, focusing on a spot slightly over Shao Fei's shoulder. “I did,” he says. “She had an awful lot of questions about it. I answered as best I could, but she may have thought it was too much to bombard him with all at once; I suppose she didn't want to risk overwhelming him, if he wasn't ready to talk about it yet.”

“That's impressive restraint on her part.”

“I thought it was very considerate.” Tang Yi smiles. “She probably thinks he's safe enough for the time being, anyway, I told her how attached he seems to have gotten to you.”

“A recent development, to be sure.”

“So you're not trying to replace me, then?”

“As if I could!” Shao Fei rears back with a scandalized expression on his face. “How you could even think such a thing!”

Tang Yi grins teasingly. “What can I say, you do seem to attract a certain type.”

Shao Fei returns the smile instinctively, even laughing a little, before the humor in the situation seems to get lost somewhere between them. Sliding down a bit in his chair, Shao Fei leans to the side as he moves the phone slightly away from his mouth, his thoughts beginning to turn over the way they sometimes do right before a breakthrough on a difficult case.

“That may be so,” he says slowly, “but do you know, it's not just you that he reminds me of.”

“Of course.” Tang Yi raises his eyebrows a bit. “Now that you mention it, I did notice a hint of Andy's mischievous temperament lurking behind that stoic expression of his.”

“So funny.” Shao Fei centers himself again and straightens his posture. “I was talking about myself. Of course his similarities to you are obvious, losing your irresponsible parents at such a young age— Well, your foster parent, but then living on the street and all, it makes sense that he's very cautious like you, but...”

But then there's something else. Something more than a cold, unwavering expression hiding the profound need for a heedless sort of love. Something deeper that he can't exactly describe, something that has to be felt to be understood properly. Solidarity? No, that's not it. Empathy? That's closer, but it's still not quite right.

Then he hears a quiet clinking sound and looks up to find Tang Yi watching him tenderly, the cuffs around his wrists falling together as he awkwardly shifts the telephone from one hand to the other so he can reach closer to the window.

“He walks a straight line,” Tang Yi says. “He's an honest boy.”

“Yes,” Shao Fei says with an impulsive grin, “he would have done terribly in the mob, don't you think?”

Tang Yi frowns exasperatedly, and Shao Fei shakes his head.

“Sorry, sorry. You're right, it's just that...when I was young, when my parents died, even though I had my grandparents to take care of me, there was always a small part of me that felt like I was all alone in the world.” He smiles grimly and lowers his eyes, clearing his throat before he looks up again.

”And then they died too,” he says, “and I really didn't have anybody left. When I met Zhao Zi at the academy, we were there for each other as much as we could be, but there were still so many times that it was just...me.”

This is it, then, isn't it? The help he can offer, that small thing tying them together.

Shao Fei slides his hand toward the window to mirror Tang Yi's.

“I want to be there for him,” he says. “The support I needed when I was younger, I want to give it to him. I want to make sure he never feels like he's alone in this world, not if I can help it.”

“Mm.” Tang Yi smiles, an affectionate little quirk at the side of his mouth. “That does seem to be a talent of yours.”

His eyes crease up at the corners as Shao Fei smiles back.

“I do what I can.”

Tang Yi's smile softens for a moment before a familiar hint of sadness comes into his eyes, the kind that he always does his best to hide as fast as he can. Raising his hand up to press against the glass, Shao Fei meets his gaze determinedly, with a sharp nod for good measure.

“Not much longer, remember?” he says. “Just a little while.”

“A little while,” Tang Yi repeats, blinking the shadows away for the moment. “I'm very lucky to have you, I hope you know that.”

Shao Fei takes his hand off the glass with another grin. “I could say the same to you.”

“And Xu Yang is, too.”

Oh, but you don't know that, he could say. You're only saying that to be kind. You haven't seen all of my mistakes, all the wrong turns I took.

Without all those wrong turns, though, who's to say where they'd be now? Without all those mistakes to build on, how much weaker?

Shao Fei smiles a little.

“Thank you.”

Tang Yi breathes out a gentle sigh, his eyes sliding sideways before he brings them back up to meet Shao Fei's.

“You think he'll want to come see me again?”

Shao Fei nods. “I'm sure of it. In fact, he's already looking forward to you coming home and teaching him how to cook.”

A complicated sort of uncertainty passes over Tang Yi's face, a whole lifetime of memories no doubt swimming through his mind; all the life lessons Tang Guo Dong taught him by the click and light of a burner, the smoke of a seasoned wok. His lips part for a moment before he presses them together and shifts his grip on the telephone.

“I suppose in the meantime, you're filling in,” he says, his tone forcibly light. “I'll have my work cut out for me.”

“Hey.” Shao Fei wrinkles his nose and breathes a stubborn huff. “I'm perfectly capable as a cook, you've eaten plenty of things I've made, and I already told him you're much better than I am, so your reputation is still intact. And for now, I've asked Jack to show him his way around a kitchen, just enough to get him familiar with some simple dishes he can make on his own.”

“Oh, did you.”

“Ah...” Shao Fei reaches to rub the back of his head, clenching his teeth together. “The thing is, Xu Yang is really uncomfortable around the stove; whenever we're cooking together, he does simple chopping and measuring and things, but he always keeps his distance from the flames. I don't want him to go hungry just because I'm at work all day and there's no one around to prepare him anything.”

Tang Yi frowns. “He doesn't eat when he's alone?”

“Not much, as far as I can tell.” Shao Fei slides his hand down to the side of his neck, massaging the muscle there. “He told me he eats leftovers sometimes, but I'm not so sure that's true, and even if it is, we don't always have any. He seems to have taken a liking to Jack, though, especially now that the whole gangster issue has been sorted out, and I think this will be good for him.”

Unsurprisingly, Tang Yi doesn't look particularly thrilled about this development, but he won't object too strongly to the plan, will he? They don't have many options, and they can't leave Xu Yang to starve for hours and hours just because Shao Fei has a job he has to go to.

“Remember Jack is making his birthday cake, too,” Shao Fei points out. “It's not as though he isn't already involved in Xu Yang's life this way. And isn't it better for Xu Yang to have more people around him who care for him? I'm sure he likes you best anyway, Jack is just...closer by, right now.”

“Meng Shao Fei, are you patronizing me?”

“No!” Shao Fei widens his eyes. “Of course not! I just mean—he likes Jack, of course, he likes seeing him and Zhao Zi when they come over, but he's never gone out of his way to ask to spend time with him. He's never asked to visit him at his house. I know Xu Yang didn't come with me today, but he did ask me again if any of my friends can get you out of here earlier, I really think he wants to have you in his life. He took to you very quickly, you saw! You were there!”

Tang Yi furrows his brow pointedly. “Didn't you say the same thing about his first meeting with Jack?”

“That was just because Zhao Zi was with him, you know the effect he has on people.” Shao Fei leans forward again, resting his arms back on the tabletop. “Anyway, stop being argumentative, you know you've forgiven him.”

Tang Yi glowers, and Shao Fei sighs.

“Mostly forgiven him.”

Tang Yi's glower turns a bit skeptical, and Shao Fei rolls his eyes.

“Started to forgive him. And don't—do that again, because I know you have.”

Tang Yi thins his lips in a mild grimace. “It's just as well,” he says, “if Xu Yang's taken a shine to him. I should pay closer attention, I must be missing something.”

“Look, I promise not to respect you any less if you admit it, so will you just tell me how long you're planning to put on this act?”

Shao Fei has a sneaking suspicion that Tang Yi's sudden silence amounts to about the same as an admission that he's right. Grinning again, he places his fingers back against the glass.

“You think you've got your work cut out for you showing off that you're a better chef than me, I'll tell you what, Xu Yang asked if you're better than Jack. You'd better start planning now how you're going to prove yourself, I'm sure he'll have pretty high standards by that time.”

“I'm sure he will,” Tang Yi says, finally permitting himself another smile. “But I'll do my best to be up to the task.”

“Start preparing yourself,” Shao Fei says. “It'll be here before you know it.”

If we say it enough times, after all, it might as well be true.

Chapter Text

Friday morning, before he leaves for work, Shao Fei double checks to make sure there are plenty of leftovers in the refrigerator, all stacked in storage containers with transparent lids on easy-to-reach shelves. At the last moment before he runs out the door, he writes “For Xu Yang” on a couple of Post-It notes and tapes them to the fronts of the containers so they're impossible to miss.

When he gets home at night, one of the containers is set out on the drying rack next to the sink, and he finds a Post-It note crumpled up in the garbage.

Not too bad.

Saturday morning, a little on the late side but nothing unforgivable, Shao Fei stands at the counter beside the stove and whisks a ceramic bowl of eggs with a fork while Xu Yang stands at the island, diligently chopping a small bunch of green onions.

“How's it going?” Shao Fei asks after a while.

The blade of the knife thumps against the cutting board a couple more times before it stops.

“The green onions are all done,” Xu Yang says. “But I didn't do the ham yet.”

Shao Fei smiles and stops whisking. “That's okay,” he says. “We've still got some time left before the dough is finished resting, anyway. But do you know what, I was talking to Zhao Zi last week, and he had an interesting idea; what do you think about Jack giving you some cooking lessons?”

Xu Yang gathers up the ham and starts dicing, and Shao Fei props his fork against the side of the mixing bowl.

“Not that you're not doing a good job now,” he says as he turns to face Xu Yang. “Because you are, you help me out a lot when we make dinner. And I'll still keep cooking for you, of course, and I can still bring home take-out if I'm going to be home too late to make anything properly. I just think it's a good idea for you to learn some basics, so you can make yourself food if you get hungry when I'm not here, in case we don't have anything already in the refrigerator. Plus,” he adds impulsively, “it would give you something to do during the day besides sitting around all by yourself, since I'm sure you've finished those books Hong Ye bought you by now.”

Xu Yang pushes the pile of diced ham to the right side of the cutting board.

“They were good books,” he says. “But...what kind of food does Jack sell in his food truck?”

“Huh?” Shao Fei frowns thoughtfully. “I don't know, I don't think he's very consistent. He makes all kinds of things; last week it was South American, two weeks ago it was Korean...” He shrugs. “You could ask him how he decides, if he has any reasoning at all. Whatever food Zhao Zi happened to mention most recently, maybe.”

Setting the knife down on the counter, Xu Yang turns himself about halfway toward Shao Fei, his eyes briefly darting to the half-finished pile of ham as he fidgets his left hand inside of his sleeve.

“I don't think I've ever had South American food,” he says. “I don't know what it is.”

Shao Fei directs his attention back to the eggs and turns the burner on. “Don't worry about it,” he says. “Jack knows how to make all sorts of different things, and I'm sure he'd be happy to teach you anything you want to know. All Taiwanese, if you like!”

Xu Yang raises his hand up in front of his stomach and keeps fidgeting with his sleeve.

“Maybe,” he says. “I think other things might be good too, though.”

Shao Fei grins.

“I bet you'll find all sorts of new things you like to eat. And you'll probably be a better cook than me in no time at all.”

Xu Yang shakes his head, and Shao Fei pauses in oiling the frying pan.

“I mean, it's fine if you are,” he says. “I wouldn't mind at all, and I wouldn't make you cook for me or anything. Unless you wanted to, of course! I'd definitely eat it, if you did, I'm sure it would be great!”

Xu Yang shakes his head again, so fervently this time that Shao Fei is worried he's legitimately frightened of something. Setting the oil aside, Shao Fei switches the burner off again and turns back around; Xu Yang always seems so interested in going back to school when they talk about it, this can't just be a fear of learning something new, and Shao Fei didn't mention anything about the stove or anything that might be dangerous, so that can't be it. But then what did he say wrong? They've already agreed that Jack is a better cook that Shao Fei, and Shao Fei has made it clear that Tang Yi is, too, so it can't be over him mocking his own abilities, but then what...

Oh; maybe it's that?

Shao Fei smiles a little sheepishly.

“You know, it's fine if you do get better than me,” he says, “but it's also fine if you don't. If you only learn one or two recipes, if it turns out you don't like to cook very much. I just want you to know how to take care of yourself if you have to, if I'm not around.”

His eyes widen as Xu Yang looks up with a start, and Shao Fei waves his hands in front of him.

“Not that I'm planning on going anywhere! But you do need to eat during the day, and in an emergency, if something happens, or if—if I'm working on a case and I come home late, and you don't want to wait for me, you shouldn't have to, that's all I meant!”

Xu Yang blinks a couple of times, his expression turning cautiously thoughtful as Shao Fei lowers his hands and furrows his brow.

“Okay?”

Xu Yang shifts his gaze around to the chopped ham and green onions, then back to Shao Fei.

“Okay.”

Shao Fei nods and picks up his fork to give the eggs another little stir before he turns the burner back on.

They're getting there.

***

It isn't that Shao Fei is nervous or anything like that. Well, maybe he is a little, but not because he doesn't trust Jack. Well, maybe a little, after that whole kidnapping incident at the police station, but that was over a year ago, and it's fair to say things all worked out for the best for everyone involved. Jack won't be throwing Xu Yang over his shoulder and dropping him down on the seat of his motorcycle, that's for sure, and they'll certainly both be wearing helmets while they ride. Besides, the trip isn't that far; he's just being silly, everything will be fine.

Not that that stops him panicking for a moment—just a moment, thanks—when Dao Yi calls his cell out of the blue in the middle of the day. Rather than stoically inform him that Jack and Xu Yang have been rushed to the hospital after a head-on collision with a mailbox, though, or an unplanned encounter with some random mobster, Dao Yi explains that he's found a suitable tutor who will be able to prepare Xu Yang for the coming school year, and if Shao Fei can spare an hour or so on Wednesday afternoon, Dao Yi is more than happy to introduce her to him and Xu Yang together.

Anyway, the point is that it's not nerves that pushes him to leave the station promptly at five o'clock on Monday afternoon and drive straight to Jack and Zhao Zi's place. It's just that he wants to check in and see how things went, is all, and it's only polite of him to arrive at the agreed-upon time, given that Jack has been taking care of Xu Yang nearly half the day. He's being civil, that's all. Considerate, even.

Maybe just the tiniest bit restless.

Shao Fei knocks loudly on the unlocked front door and lets himself in without waiting for a response, only to find Xu Yang sitting at the dining table while Jack puts clean dishes away on the high shelves. It doesn't look like anything's exploded or sustained any permanent damage, so at the very least, the day couldn't have been a complete disaster.

“Xu Yang.” Shao Fei walks toward the table with a smile. “How did it go, did you have fun?”

“Mm.” Xu Yang stands from his chair as Shao Fei nears. “Jack taught me how to make fried rice with chicken. We made extra so I can take some home.”

“Oh yeah? Maybe you'll let me try a bite.” Shao Fei looks over at Jack. “Any problems?”

“Of course not.” Jack steps out of the kitchen area and ruffles Xu Yang's hair. “He's already an expert at chopping up the ingredients, he'll be ready to make the whole thing by himself in no time.”

It's not that Shao Fei expected a terrible report, exactly, but he can't say he's not surprised that Xu Yang did any actual cooking, even with Jack's close supervision. Still, Shao Fei smiles again as Xu Yang looks up at him.

“You'll have to come back for some more lessons, then,” he says. “Oh, and speaking of lessons, before I forget, Dao Yi called me today, he said he found a tutor for you to work with before school starts up. We're going to meet her on Wednesday, you and I, but maybe you can come back here on Thursday, if that's okay with Jack.”

Jack grins. “Fine with me, I'll see you then.”

“Okay, great.”

Xu Yang looks up at Shao Fei with the littlest crease in his brow, a tiny trace of uncertainty that sets Shao Fei promptly on edge. Did something go wrong he hasn't noticed? Is Thursday too soon? Does Xu Yang actually dislike Jack, is he just too polite to say anything? Is he scared he'd be punished for refusing to come back?

“Thursday?”

Shao Fei nods slowly. “Unless that's too soon? Do you want some time to practice on your own, or...”

Xu Yang looks up at Jack, then back at Shao Fei.

“Thursday is Tang Yi's day.”

Goodness. What a thing to have missed.

And how exactly is he supposed to argue with that?

Jack looks askance at Shao Fei, setting his hands on his hips as Xu Yang starts fidgeting his hands inside of his sleeves and Shao Fei struggles to find his words as fast as he possibly can.

“Tang Yi's day?” Jack says indignantly. “Captain Meng.”

“It— I wasn't sure he'd want to go back there already!” Shao Fei stammers, his eyes darting between the two of them. “I didn't want you to think you had to, that's all, of course you— If you want to, of course we can, Tang Yi would be happy to see you.”

Jack smirks, far too entertained by Shao Fei's clumsiness, as Xu Yang stops fidgeting with his shirt.

“I can go with you?”

“Absolutely, of course you can,” Shao Fei says. “In fact, Tang Yi asked about you when I saw him last week, and I'm sure he'd love to talk to you about anything you want to tell him.”

“Overshadowed again, Captain Meng?”

Shao Fei glares mildly at Jack until Xu Yang reaches up for his hand, one of those wordless moments of reassurance that always seem to work both ways, and looks up at Jack as well.

“But can I come here on Friday?”

Barely even glancing at Shao Fei, Jack hums a confirming sound, his smirk softening into one of his least threatening smiles.

“We'll practice fried rice some more, and then I'll show you some new things you can try.”

Just for a second, Xu Yang tightens his grip on Shao Fei's hand before he nods his head, smiling a little bit, too, and for an instant, one ridiculous instant, Shao Fei is tempted to say that everything is going right with the world. It's not true, of course, for all the obvious reasons, and surely plenty of less obvious ones as well, but he'll take what he can in the small moments he finds, wherever they happen to come along.

Those moments can only last for so long, though, before he needs to drag himself back to reality. Even now, there's so much left that they have to do, and so much still that he needs to know.

“Xu Yang,” he says, “I want to talk to your Uncle Jack about something before we leave. Are you okay to wait for me in the car for a couple of minutes?”

Out of the corner of his eye, Shao Fei catches Jack startling slightly at the designation, though he doesn't seem to be readying himself to raise any objections. In fact, as Xu Yang nods and releases Shao Fei's hand to make his way toward the front door, Jack steps forward to stop him from going too far.

“Zhao Zi has lots of games and stuffed animals upstairs,” he says. “I'm sure he wouldn't mind you playing with them if you want to wait there instead.”

Xu Yang looks to Shao Fei for a confirming nod before he runs up the stairs to the bedroom with a surprising level of familiarity, almost as though he's done it before. Then again, Jack probably did show him around the place, and according to Zhao Zi, that's more or less how Jack acted the first time he came over to visit; with him serving as a guide, it stands to reason that Xu Yang is already treating this house like a second home.

The moment they're alone, Jack rests his arm on the low kitchen wall, turning his head to focus on Shao Fei.

“So.”

Shao Fei sticks his hands in his jacket pockets, looking back apprehensively.

“So.”

Jack raises his eyebrows a bit. “I'll assume you've noticed that he doesn't like to use the stove.”

“I picked up on that.” Shao Fei frowns. “Do you have any idea why?”

Pushing off of the wall, Jack steps around Shao Fei to position himself in such a way that he can keep an eye out the window while they talk. Not that that means anything, though. It's just one of those habits of his. Probably.

“Some,” he says. “It seems that those thugs who were after his parents' debt were a lot more brazen than I gave them credit for.”

Shao Fei narrows his eyes at the mention of Xu Yang's tormentors. “They didn't hurt him back then.”

“No.” Jack puts his hand in his pocket, the one where he keeps his butterfly knife. “I don't think so, or if they did, it wasn't severely; I didn't examine him too closely, but I didn't see any obvious scars, and considering the rest of his personality, I think that if he'd been the one they'd attacked, he'd stubbornly face the problem now rather than hide from it.” He shakes his head, glancing out the window again.

“Probably his parents were the ones being hurt,” he says, “and you can imagine how barbarically. Those thugs must have thought that was a good way to quickly build up a reputation for themselves. To get people scared of them before there was any real reason to be.”

Shao Fei sighs sharply through his gritted teeth. He knows as well as anyone, better than most, even, that cleaning up a mess isn't the same thing as fixing all the damage it's left behind, that solving one problem can easily expose another, but he's already long since decided not to dwell on Xu Yang's past, not to let it drag him down in the present, or do anything to corrupt the future. Not to let it hurt him, hurt any of them.

As if that was ever really an option. He should have known better.

“Are they back on the street?”

Jack frowns, thumbing his pocket seam. “Not yet, but they will be soon, and you know they're unlikely to face any prison time. This is probably their first charged offense, and without any proof of the extortion, they'll be fined for threatening the two of you at the markets, and sent on their way.”

Of course he knows that, but this time, shouldn't it be different? Can't the prosecutors look at Xu Yang and see what those men have done, can't they just take his word for it?

Shao Fei presses his palm to his temple and tips his head down as he massages his fingers against the back of his skull. No, no special treatment. Meng Shao Fei acts according to the law, even when it's hard. Especially then.

“They'll try again,” he says. “You know this type, they won't stop just because they've been caught once. Especially if they aren't going to be held long, especially if the only thing they're charged with is that one attempted assault.”

“They won't try again.”

Shao Fei raises his head sharply, dropping his hand to his side, but Jack is looking out the window fully now, his shoulders drawn back and his spine curved with that slight arch that means he's not ready to run for it quite yet, but he's certainly giving it some thought.

“You know I can't stand by and let you hurt them,” Shao Fei says. “And think of Zhao Zi, too, you'll only be hurting him if you act that way.”

Crossing his arms, his spine relaxing back into a neutral posture, Jack turns around with a smile on his lips that could mean too many things for Shao Fei to know how to read just now.

“Of course I won't,” he says. “But they're arrogant and headstrong. The things they think they know about mafia life are things they've seen on television shows and in movies. It won't be difficult to convince them to keep to themselves.”

Shao Fei slips his hands back into his jacket pockets and takes a long breath. If he can't be completely confident of anything else about him, he can at least believe that Jack would never do anything to hurt Zhao Zi. And if Shao Fei knows anyone who can be trusted to find a way to accomplish any task they set out for themselves, no matter how, or how quickly, the circumstances change, it has to be Jack.

Still...

“How can you be sure?”

Jack puts his hand over his pocket again, so casually that he doesn't even seem to notice he's doing it, as his smile turns chilly and snakelike.

“Trust me.”

He does have his ways, there's no arguing that. After all his years spent as a top-tier mercenary, Jack has refined getting what he wants down to both an art and a science.

Clenching his hands into fists, tightening them and forcing himself to relax when his nails start to dig into his skin, Shao Fei sighs softly and looks up the narrow staircase.

“Yeah, I do.”

Whatever it is he has planned, Shao Fei is probably better off not knowing too many details.

Chapter Text

Shao Fei does his best not to think about all the paperwork still stacked up on his desk, and all the files on his computer that still need to be examined, as he takes advantage of his position as captain to leave the station in the middle of the day, getting in his car a little later than he would have liked but still early enough to make it back to the house for his meeting with Dao Yi and the new tutor. Pulling out of the drive, it suddenly hits him that Captain Shi really did cut him a lot of slack, all things considered; the annoyance of those endless apology letters was a small price to pay for so much freedom. If Shao Fei had to deal with himself as a subordinate now, he'd probably go nuts. Oh, well; at least he's got Jun Wei and Yu Qi to hold down the fort. And Zhao Zi probably helps out some, too.

Not like he doesn't have enough on his mind right now as it is. The tutor will be wonderful, Dao Yi would never settle for any less, but why is he still so nervous? Shao Fei has never had any problem meeting new people before, and it's not like he needs to convince her to take the job. It wouldn't hurt to make a good impression, of course, but the point is, the pressure's not on him this time around, so what's he got to be so uptight about? Actually, thinking back on it, this is exactly like the other day when he was all edgy going to pick Xu Yang up from Jack's. Everything is fine, he knows everything is fine. He's sure of it, in fact. What's wrong with him, is he so incapable of relaxing that he needs to invent things to get himself worked up over? That doesn't seem right either, though, considering how near-catatonic he's been since Tang Yi went to prison. Or at least, he was, before Xu Yang came into their lives.

Oh, wait. Wait one second.

Wow. Maybe all that desk work really is making him soft.

Of course it only stands to reason that his worry isn't for himself, but whether Xu Yang will like her, whether all of this will be what's best for him. Because that's the most important thing, obviously. Whatever is best for Xu Yang, that's what he'll do.

Shao Fei's hands slacken around the steering wheel as he stops at a red light.

He's known his priorities have been shifting for a while now, hasn't he? In some way. When he first told Tang Yi about him, when Tang Yi insisted he take Xu Yang in. When Hong Ye and Dao Yi hurried over after arriving home from Norway to meet him so eagerly and took him out to spoil him all day long. When Zhao Zi invited Shao Fei over for dinner to press him for updates and then insisted that Jack bake Xu Yang a birthday cake, when Jack's biggest objection was that he didn't have enough time to plan.

Or is it that everybody's known but him?

Then a car horn honks behind him, yanking him from his thoughts, and Shao Fei startles in his seat and presses down on the gas pedal. There's important business to attend to, and this is no time to get distracted.

It's no surprise that Dao Yi's car is already parked in the driveway when Shao Fei pulls up. They must already be inside, him and the tutor, they've probably even met Xu Yang already. Hopefully the introduction was a good one. Not that those are always the best measurement of a person's character, of course, but they don't exactly have four years to sort things out between them between now and the start of the school year.

Shaking his head, Shao Fei opens the front door and walks inside to find Dao Yi and a woman he doesn't recognize sitting on the couch together, Xu Yang perched somewhat rigidly in the armchair beside them. Xu Yang twists around in his seat at the sound of Shao Fei's approach, the tension immediately going out of his shoulders, and Shao Fei smiles as he ruffles Xu Yang's hair.

“Dao Yi,” he says. “Thank you for coming over to meet us.”

Dao Yi stands with his usual composed smile. “I'm glad you were able to get away from work,” he says. “Shao Fei, this is Han Ling Li, a friend of mine from university. She tutors at Taipei Japanese School and Taipei American School.”

“Oh?” Shao Fei turns to her as Han Ling Li stands to greet him. “That's very impressive, you must have a lot of experience.”

She nods with a polite smile. “Thank you. Dao Yi tells me you're a police captain?”

“I am.” His gaze darts to Dao Yi and back. “Uh, what— Just out of curiosity, what else did he tell you?”

Exchanging a glance of her own with Dao Yi, she turns back to Shao Fei with a sympathetic expression on her face and lowers her head slightly.

“I was so sorry to hear about Tang Yi's situation,” she says. “That must be very difficult for you.”

Shao Fei looks to Dao Yi again, but he only looks back with that placid expression of his, completely unbothered. All things considered, if Han Ling Li knows that Tang Yi is in prison, she probably knows why he's there, and it follows that she knows about all the rest of it, as well, or at least enough that Shao Fei can be sure there's nothing left for her to find out that would suddenly frighten her away. Besides, if she and Dao Yi have been friends since university, maybe none of this is new to her at all.

“It is,” he says, “but we're getting by as best we can.”

“Mm.” She smiles again. “From all that I've heard, he sounds like a lovely man.”

A lovely man. At the heart of things, when it comes right down to it, that's the truth that matters the most.

Shao Fei nods, his eyes creasing up at the corners as his mouth stretches a little wider.

“He is.”

The silence settles in comfortably between them as the tension of uncertainty fades away, and Shao Fei steps back toward Xu Yang's chair, setting his hand down on the sloping curve of the backrest as Han Ling Li and Dao Yi return to their seats on the couch.

“In any case,” he says then, “do you have any questions about what we're expecting of you, or anything you'd like to tell us?”

“Dao Yi has already explained the fundamental situation to me,” she says, “but naturally, I wanted to wait to speak to you before deciding on specifics. Many parents prefer to arrange lessons on Fridays and Sundays, but I do understand that the circumstances here are a bit unusual.”

“A bit,” Shao Fei echoes, looking down as Xu Yang leans back in his chair. “Considering my schedule, I think weekdays would be best, don't you? We can be pretty flexible during the week, I don't think Jack would mind accommodating this.”

Xu Yang angles his head to look up at him, slightly wide-eyed and his lips parted as though he doesn't know whether or not to voice his thoughts, and Shao Fei holds his gaze for a moment before it dawns on him what he's probably concerned about.

“Not Thursdays, though,” Shao Fei says. “We're busy on Thursdays.”

“Of course.”

***

It crosses Shao Fei's mind fleetingly, so much so that it barely counts as crossing it at all, to make Xu Yang's presence today a surprise for Tang Yi, before he firmly reminds himself that Tang Yi will be happy enough to see Xu Yang in the visitation room just as he is, no shock value necessary, and who knows how badly Xu Yang would react to being hidden away and sprung like some kind of trick play, and really the whole thing is so stupid that Shao Fei should be ashamed of himself. Ultimately, rather than try to be unnecessarily clever, he simply prompts Xu Yang to sit in the visitation chair at their usual window, cradling the phone to his ear as Shao Fei stands behind him with his attention split between the door on the opposite side of the glass, the boy at his side, and any potential threats or disruptions the other visitors might cause while they wait.

As it happens, as it usually does, the other visitors and prisoners all keep to themselves, far more interested in their own business than in his, and Tang Yi's winning smile when he lays his eyes on his guests is more than enough to assure Shao Fei that he's made the right decision. Even if it's still incredibly strange and, to be honest, a little off-putting to watch Tang Yi speak without being able to hear him, this is still the right thing to do. He'll hear the important details he missed later, anyway, and at least they're all together, which is much more than a lot of people can say when one of them is locked up behind bars.

Once they've all taken their proper places, Shao Fei watches Tang Yi carefully compose himself, the expression on his face pleasant but unimposing as he makes his greeting.

After a second, Xu Yang nods in response. “Jack is teaching me how to cook my own food.”

It's probably a good thing Shao Fei warned Tang Yi about that ahead of time, he thinks as he watches Tang Yi contain his reaction to merely raising his eyebrows and asking another question that makes Xu Yang lower his eyes before he responds.

“Only a little,” he says. “It's okay. I mostly chopped the vegetables for the fried rice, but I cooked a little bit, too, and Jack says everything will be fine as long as I never walk away from the stove while the burner is on.”

Shao Fei grins as Tang Yi's eyes dart to him and then back to Xu Yang, maybe an unconscious gesture, and Xu Yang nods again.

“Jack made chili oil too, it smelled really good. But Shao Fei says you'll make fun of me because I like spicy food with Coke.”

“Hey!” Shao Fei's mouth drops open and his shoulders rear back as Tang Yi and Xu Yang turn their attention to him. “I did not, I said he would tease me for teaching you such bad habits in the first place!”

Lowering the phone from his ear, Xu Yang turns slightly toward Shao Fei as Tang Yi presses down on a smile.

“Spicy food and Coke is bad?”

Shao Fei scowls through the glass at Tang Yi's obvious amusement. “Not at all. This guy and his refined palate, if it were up to him, no one would ever drink anything besides tea.”

Xu Yang continues to look at him curiously for a moment before turning back to Tang Yi, who merely grins and speaks in what Shao Fei is certain is a smug tone of voice. Whatever he's saying, though, it puts a little smile on Xu Yang's face, so he can't exactly hold it against him.

“Maybe,” he says. “But Jack says Zhao Zi is the same.”

Crossing his arms, Shao Fei does his best not to sulk as Tang Yi makes what looks like a pretty flippant response. He's enjoying this far too much; what the hell is Shao Fei getting himself into?

Oh, well. Too to back out late now.

“Not too much, though,” Xu Yang says, “since Teacher Han is going to come over three days a week now. And—”

Xu Yang stops himself short, his posture stiffening some before he sits back in his chair, almost as if to put distance between himself and Tang Yi. Tang Yi looks to Shao Fei, but Shao Fei only shrugs, inching closer to Xu Yang and unfolding his arms in case he needs to step in in a hurry.

Nudging his chair forward, Tang Yi says something that makes Xu Yang look up again.

“She's my new tutor,” Xu Yang says. “We met her yesterday. She's going to help me get ready for school. Dao Yi says he knew her at university.”

Tang Yi nods earnestly and says something else, and Xu Yang averts his eyes, pressing the phone against his ear.

“Yes,” he says, “but school starts in September. I'll have class all day, so I can't come here anymore.”

Well. What a thing to worry over.

To think, it was only a couple of weeks ago that Shao Fei was so nervous to bring Xu Yang to the prison to meet Tang Yi, that Xu Yang himself was so full of apprehension, and now all it takes to shatter his good mood is the very idea that he won't be able to come back. But it's good, isn't it, that he's already become attached to Tang Yi? Better than the alternative. It's good that he's bragging about his lessons with Jack, that he's comfortable teasing Zhao Zi, that he settled without any trouble into that meeting with Dao Yi and Han Ling Li.

He came around to Shao Fei eventually, after all. It's good that he's warmed up so easily to every single other person he's met. It's all for the best.

It's a little bit confusing.

No, no, it's fine. It's good, however it happened, it's better this way. Besides, this is the wrong time to dwell on all that as Tang Yi turns to him with uncertainty in his eyes, his grip on the telephone receiver loosened as he searches for the words that can make this all better, words more persuasive than that old standby, “Don't worry about it.” Smiling, hopefully showing off some confidence, Shao Fei sets his hand on Xu Yang's back, meeting his gaze when he looks up.

“We said we'd work something out, though, remember?”

Xu Yang nods, still holding tight to the receiver, and Shao Fei sighs a bit.

“We've still got some time before then, anyway,” he points out, “and you never know, a lot can happen in a few months.”

Xu Yang nods again.

“Did you talk to your friends?”

His lips part uncertainly as Shao Fei tries to make sense of the odd question before he abruptly remembers those “helpful friends” of his, the ones who have the power to let visitors in to the prison without the appropriate paperwork, and maybe even to tighten prison sentences, if he asks politely. Shao Fei can fix everything, of course; Shao Fei can do anything he sets his mind to.

Maybe that's not so far off after all.

“Sort of,” he says. “When you and Tang Yi are finished, he and I can talk about it and we'll see where things go from there.”

Lowering the phone away from his ear, Xu Yang pauses a moment before he tries to hold it out to Shao Fei, promptly halted by the short connecting cable.

“It's okay,” he says. “You can talk about it.”

Shao Fei wonders how much of the offer is for his and Tang Yi's benefit, and how much is a convenient excuse not to have to think about the unavoidable eventuality of Thursday visits being discontinued. Whatever the case, Tang Yi watches bemusedly on the other side of the glass as Xu Yang stands from the chair for Shao Fei to sit down, and Shao Fei tries to maneuver around him without causing anything, or anyone, to fall over.

“Hi,” he says as he settles in.

Tang Yi looks between the two of them again.

“Hello,” he says. “Is...everything all right?”

“Fine, fine,” Shao Fei assures him. “There's just something I need to talk to you about.”

Tang Yi settles back in his seat, his eyes taking on that light they get when he thinks something is going to be particularly interesting, and Shao Fei leans forward toward the table to balance out the distance between them.

“How are things going in here?”

Frowning, Tang Yi shifts the phone to his other hand. “Largely unchanging,” he says. “As to be expected. I'm not going out of my way to cause trouble, if that's your concern.”

“I should think not.” Shao Fei grins. “But in that case, I might have some good news for you. I've become friendly with one of the officers here— Not like that, obviously, I just mean we've gotten to know each other a bit since I'm here so regularly to see you. He's impressed by the two of us, actually, he says he admires my dedication.”

“As do I,” Tang Yi says. “But I can't imagine someone in that position has much leverage to grant me any sort of special privilege.”

“Oh, no, he doesn't. What he does have, though, is access to a lot of paperwork.”

Tang Yi sets his free hand above his ribs, the closest he can get in handcuffs to crossing his arms, and Shao Fei smiles wryly.

“Most of it is pretty boring, as you can imagine, but he was kind enough to mention to me that he saw the Screening Committee's assessments for this month, and he suspects that if you keep yourself in good standing until the end of August, you'll be eligible for promotion to a Level 2 classification.”

“No.” Tang Yi sits up straight, his free hand dropping from his chest to the top of the table. “He must be mistaken. I haven't been interviewed, the warden hasn't informed me of anything.”

Shao Fei cocks his eyebrows. “You know how these things can slip people's minds,” he says scornfully. “But this guy wouldn't lie to me, definitely not about something like this; if the warden forgets to tell you, I'll just have to call in my official capacity as a police captain and remind him, we'll get it all sorted out.”

The shock on Tang Yi's face gives way to a disbelieving smile, his gaze flickering as Shao Fei feels a tug on his shirtsleeve.

The phone drops away from Shao Fei's mouth as he turns to Xu Yang. “You okay?”

Xu Yang releases his hold on Shao Fei's sleeve, his fingers beginning to fidget absently with the hem of his own shirt.

“Did they make it shorter?”

Shao Fei tips his head a bit to the side. “Almost,” he says. “If Tang Yi behaves himself very well from now on, then they can make his sentence shorter, and—do you know what 'parole' is?”

Xu Yang looks at him blankly, and Shao Fei shakes his head.

“Sorry, that was a dumb question. It means that he'll be able to finish the end of his sentence at home with us, instead of here at the prison. Would—would that be okay with you?”

Xu Yang turns his gaze to Tang Yi again, and then back to Shao Fei.

“Yes.”

So who needs Thursday visits, anyway?

Grinning at Xu Yang's conviction, Shao Fei turns back to Tang Yi and raises the phone back to his mouth.

“I don't know how much of that you overheard.”

Tang Yi arches his eyebrows. “Enough to have a sense of what I didn't. I take it I should make sure to be on my best behavior from now on?”

“I think you'd better, if you want to stay in this one's good graces.”

His face softens as Tang Yi smiles again, looking over at Xu Yang and then back to Shao Fei.

“You've done very well, you know.”

“What?” Shao Fei furrows his brow. “I'm just telling you what Officer Tsai told me, I didn't do anything.”

Tang Yi shakes his head. “No,” he says, “not about that. I'm talking about Xu Yang; I wasn't lying when I told Hong Ye how attached he's become to you.”

“Oh.” Shao Fei purses his lips thoughtfully. “I guess so, but that's really a group effort. Everyone is doing their best to help, it's not just me.”

An easy sort of detachment comes over Tang Yi's face, like he's considering something very far away.

“Maybe it's harder to see from where you are.”

“Huh?”

Tang Yi lowers his eyes a moment before he raises them again to meet Shao Fei's with that familiar laser focus of his.

“You're guiding him,” he says. “Giving him something to hold on to. He knows Jack was a gangster, he's seen it with his own eyes, but just this week he spent the whole day with him, at his house, learning to cook. And Teacher Han, I'm sure he was nervous to meet her for the first time. You told him they were safe, though, you told him it was safe to trust them. They wouldn't hurt him.”

Shao Fei sets his elbows on the table, the phone still cradled to his ear. Everyone could use a little helping hand now and again, that's all it was.

But...he did, didn't he. All of Shao Fei's patience, all his efforts, all his wrong turns and his good intentions, all the little things have added up to something big, without his even really noticing. Shao Fei glances at Xu Yang out of the corner of his eye; he's come awfully far from that frightened little boy who wouldn't even give his own name, who would only follow Shao Fei down the street or down a hall if there was plenty of room between them for him to run away. That little boy who knew the whole world was against him, because everyone is a liar, no matter what they say.

Seeming to notice Shao Fei's eyes on him, Xu Yang turns away from Tang Yi, his face carefully disciplined.

“Are they going to give him parole?”

Are you going to fix everything?

Smiling a little, Shao Fei nods. They'd sure better, after all this.

“I hope so,” he says. “We're all going to do everything we can to help him get it.”

So what more can they ask than that?

***

A lot of the paperwork that was hanging over his head on Wednesday morning is still lingering on Shao Fei's desk when he returns to Unit Three on Thursday afternoon, but Xu Yang promises that he doesn't mind being left home alone for a few more hours, especially when Shao Fei promises to stop by that pricey stall Hong Ye took him to at the night market and bring something home for dinner.

Truth be told, Shao Fei wouldn't mind an early night, either; it's not that visiting the prison is tiring him out any more or less now than it ever has before, but it seems to have tired him out in a new way, one less centered around bone-weary exhaustion and the yawning emptiness inside of him than the potential of what's to come next, everything they'd given up on that suddenly seems worth trying again. It's not the weariness of suffering through another day of monotony that makes him want to fall asleep on his feet, but the drive of possibility that makes him want to crash into bed so he can get up again in the morning and get right back to it.

Not that all that paperwork doesn't supply plenty of monotony of its own.

It doesn't matter overmuch. Shao Fei is exhausted, is the point, and neither he nor Xu Yang puts up any kind of fight when they finish washing the dishes and go their separate ways; it may be barely past ten, but the darkness and the silence are welcome all the same.

Maybe it's the warmth he feels in his heart from the end being brought closer into sight, or the smile it put on Tang Yi's face hearing the news, but his dreams aren't the harsh ones he's become accustomed to, the ones full of sharp angles and creeping shadows. Memories mix together with fantasy, the past and future crossing over each other in a picture of soft colors and muted sounds; some of the pieces are missing or blurred out of focus, but it doesn't matter. Everything will come together, sooner or later, and he'll see the whole of it clearly.

Then, suddenly, a sharp clicking sound pierces the hazy scene, jolting him half-awake— Shao Fei gropes for the side of the bed, empty, expected, but that was real, wasn't it? There's something on the other side of the wall, just out of reach—

Opening his eyes wide, blinking quickly and opening them again to pull in as much of the sparse light as he can, Shao Fei presses his arm against the mattress and pushes himself up, focusing on the door, cracked open a few inches. Has someone sneaked in? No, that's hardly possible, but then what...

Shao Fei blinks again as the light gets lighter and the dark gets darker, the colors starting to come into focus, and there, tucked behind the door, huddled in his sleep shirt with that little stuffed pig clutched to his chest, he sees Xu Yang, frozen with his hand clutched around the doorknob and his eyes fixed on the floor beneath the bed.

“Hey,” Shao Fei says, pushing himself to sit up further. “What happened? Are you okay?”

Shaking his head, Xu Yang tightens his grip on the knob and starts to pull it closed again as he edges backwards.

“Wait—” Shao Fei pushes himself toward the side of the bed as the sheets tangle around his legs, “wait, it's okay, you can come in. What's wrong?”

A few seconds pass in silence, both of them holding completely still until Xu Yang opens the door again, just enough to squeeze through, and wraps both his arms around the little pig.

“Bad dream.”

Oh, Xu Yang.

Bracing his his arms at his sides and raising himself up to sit properly, Shao Fei shakes off the last haze of sleep as quickly as he can, shoving away the abrupt memory of that night so long ago, of Xu Yang holding himself so still under the covers, so terrified, so determined to be alone.

How long has it been now? How many nightmares has he suffered through since then, what makes this time so different?

Does it even matter?

“Do you want to talk about it?”

Xu Yang holds his stuffed animal and keeps his eyes on the floor.

“You went to prison,” he says, “and they locked the door.”

And there was no one left at all.

That's probably not even the whole of it, that simple explanation. But isn't it enough? Untangling himself from the sheets, Shao Fei reaches into the closet for his dressing gown, slipping it on over his boxer shorts and making his way to the door to crouch down in front of Xu Yang.

“I'm here now,” he says. “They didn't lock me in. Or you, either, we're both here. And Tang Yi will be too, in a little while, because he's going to be very good, and his sentence will get shorter, and he'll come home soon.”

Xu Yang presses his lips together tight and shakes his head.

That's okay. It's hard to chase away the nightmares when the darkness makes every kindness sound like a lie, but dawn will come again soon, and it'll be easier to remember what's the truth.

Shao Fei sets his hand on Xu Yang's shoulder.

“Do you want me to go back to your room with you for a little bit?”

Finally lifting his eyes up off the floor, Xu Yang lands them on Shao Fei's shoulder, at the grey fabric all bunched up from where he's reaching out his arm. For a moment, Shao Fei thinks he's going to refuse, to shake his head again and walk away, but they've come this far already, so what's a little further?

Sure enough, Xu Yang nods this time, turning around to face the door and looking up when Shao Fei reaches past his head to turn the knob and open it wide.

“I have thoughts like that sometimes, too,” Shao Fei says, closing the door behind them when they step out into the hall. “It helps when there's someone there to remind you they're not real.”

They walk slowly in the dark, and Xu Yang pauses at the bottom of the stairs to wait for Shao Fei to meet him before he leads them past the kitchen, sticking close to the wall and flinching when the wooden floor squeaks under Shao Fei's bare foot.

“Sorry,” Shao Fei murmurs.

The bedroom door is already open when they approach, and Xu Yang crawls underneath the comforter as Shao Fei sits in the chair by the window.

“Everything's going to be okay.”

Meng Shao Fei can do anything he sets his mind to. Don't you know that?

Chapter Text

Something is funny about the sunlight this morning. Unless it's shaping up to be a particularly cloudy day, or it's already raining or something, Shao Fei usually wakes to a hazy band of light falling across his chest or his waist—or his hips, if he really sleeps in—but this morning, it hits him right in the eye, waking him up in time to catch those few minutes when the sky still looks like it's on fire, right before the air gets too sticky to be comfortable. Squeezing his eyes shut against the glare, he laces his fingers together and stretches his arms out in front of him, curving his spine forward and yawning into his sleeve.

Hang on a second, his sleeve?

Shao Fei rubs his eyes and yawns again.

Something's not right with this picture.

Not that he'll figure out what that is by sitting around with his face in his hands. Sure enough, the moment he forces his eyes open, the events of the previous night all but smack him upside the head, everything from his and Xu Yang's mutually agreed upon early bedtimes to their unexpected midnight reunion. That explains the weird angle of the sun, though, not to mention why he's wearing his dressing gown, plus the fact that he's sitting in a chair rather than lying in his own bed. He certainly doesn't remember deciding to spend the night there; “for a little bit,” wasn't that what he'd said? Just until Xu Yang fell asleep, that had been the plan.

Funny the way these things work out, isn't it.

Carefully levering himself to his feet, Shao Fei creeps toward the door, eyeing the lump of Xu Yang's body curled up in bed under the covers. He's nearly made it to his destination, his hand on the knob and everything, when the lump stretches out and Xu Yang lifts his head up off the pillows.

“Hey,” Shao Fei says quietly. “Sorry, did I wake you?”

Narrowing his eyes, Xu Yang pushes himself back into the pillows, just enough to prop up his head.

“You stayed.”

Shao Fei smiles. “Of course, I said I would.”

Some accidents do turn out for the best, after all.

Xu Yang peers at him for a few seconds before his eyes slip closed, his head still tilted at what must be an awfully uncomfortable angle for his neck.

“Time to get up?”

“Ah...” Shao Fei looks out the window again, at the light of the sun still low in the sky. “It's so early, why don't you go back to sleep for a while?”

Xu Yang slides back down under the covers without a fight, his head coming to rest at a more natural elevation, and Shao Fei casts one last glance out the window as he opens the door as quietly as he can. If he hurries, he probably has time to make some steamed pork buns before he has to leave for work.

Nothing like a good breakfast to chase the memory of a bad nightmare away.

***

The next morning, a rainy Saturday, finds Xu Yang and Shao Fei tucked away in the living room, Xu Yang reviewing pages of notes from his first session with Han Ling Li while Shao Fei pores over some casework he brought home from the station yesterday evening. Not that it's behavior he particularly wants to encourage in himself, but all things considered, it's a small price to pay for the freedom to come and go throughout the day when he needs to take care of Xu Yang. Anyway, Xu Yang doesn't seem to hold it against him as they sit there on opposite sides of the couch, diligently concentrating on their respective paperwork, the sounds of their scratching pencils a complimentary rhythm.

It follows naturally, then, that they look up from their work in tandem at the sound of a car pulling into the driveway. His pencil still pressed to the page in front of him, Xu Yang looks curiously in Shao Fei's direction, but Shao Fei only shrugs and turns in his seat in the direction of the door.

“Meng Shao Fei.”

Shao Fei sets his work aside at the sound of Hong Ye's voice and stands, stepping out of the living room into the hall. Come to think of it, this might be the first time she's ever come to visit without immediately reprimanding him for something.

“Hong Ye,” he says. “Good morning, is everything all right?”

“So suspicious.” Walking right past him, she sits gracefully in the chair beside the couch and crosses one leg over the other. “I spoke to Tang Yi yesterday.”

“I see.” Shao Fei returns to his seat and leans forward. Of course that in itself isn't surprising, but why is she here to tell him about it? “Did something happen?”

Hong Ye arches her eyebrows critically. “You're concerned he's started keeping secrets from you, is that it?”

“Of course I'm not, but if he was, I'd think he'd keep them from everybody, so I'm still not sure what you're here to tell me.”

Placing her hands on her knee, Hong Ye straightens her posture to a somewhat imperious effect. “I heard the news,” she says.

“The...”

She levels him with a deeply unimpressed scowl. “Tang Yi's parole,” she says. “He told me about the hearing.”

“Oh—” Shao Fei sucks a breath in through his teeth, “I didn't mean to give him the wrong impression about that; what did he say?”

She rolls her eyes. “You of all people should know better than to underestimate him. He's well aware that there's a ways to go before that possibility is realized, as am I. But are you saying I'm wrong to believe that you'll follow through on the process?”

“Of course not!” He rears back, bracing his hands on the edge of the sofa. “There's only so much I can do to influence things, but you can be sure I'll do all of it.”

“Mm.” Lowering her gaze mainly for the dramatic effect, she drums her fingers against her knee. “Perhaps I should instead be thanking Xu Yang for his positive influence over you, finally moving this case forward.”

Trust Hong Ye to go about expressing her gratitude in the most roundabout manner possible. Shao Fei grins, shaking his head with only mild exasperation.

“No one's to be held accountable for this timing working out the way it did. His good influence notwithstanding.”

“Even so, it can't be denied that you need someone to keep you in line in my brother's absence.” Hong Ye leans slightly to the side to face Xu Yang as he peers back at her from behind his lesson notes. “Thank you for all your hard work. I'm sure handling my brother-in-law isn't an easy task.”

Glancing at Shao Fei, Xu Yang shakes his head uncertainly.

“I didn't do anything,” he says. “He has friends.”

Hong Ye kindly refrains from making some smart comment about Shao Fei's personability, instead smiling again to hide her confusion as she looks back at Shao Fei with a silent directive to explain.

“The people I know who work in law enforcement,” he says, doing his best to phrase his response in such a way that it won't give her ideas about using her own, possibly less reputable connections to manipulate the situation to Tang Yi's benefit. “People with direct links to the prison system. But it's mainly just inside information, I should say. Little hints and things. Nothing that might give anyone any special treatment or anything like that.”

Shao Fei waits for a snide remark about the pointlessness of having friends in law enforcement who can't give him anything but information, but to his surprise, none is forthcoming. Not even close. Instead, Hong Ye purses her lips thoughtfully, eyeing Shao Fei in a manner that reminds him so strongly of Tang Yi that he briefly wonders if this is all part of some bigger plan the two of them have devised together.

Then Hong Ye's gaze flickers behind him to Xu Yang, and maybe he shouldn't be so surprised by her silence after all.

“I suppose that's a start,” she says, uncrossing her legs and tilting them to the right. “Assuming you keep your word to follow through.”

Smirking, Shao Fei picks up the obvious cue: “Have you ever known me to go back on my word?”

She raises her hand to inspect her flawless nails. “On the contrary,” she says, “I've known you to keep it occasionally to the point of obnoxiousness.”

“Oh, ha, ha.” He leans back in his seat with a more welcoming smile. “Now that you've bothered to come all the way here, why don't you stay for lunch?”

Shaking her head, Hong Ye stands from her chair and smooths her skirt.

“I can't today,” she says, sounding genuinely regretful. “I'm attending a business lunch with a hopefully soon-to-be former associate.”

Whether that refers to a mob connection she's looking to sever in the name of legitimizing Shi Hai Corporation, or some garden-variety obnoxious jerk trying to coerce her into accepting a bad business deal, Shao Fei doesn't know, but Xu Yang certainly doesn't need to hear about the former, and he'd probably be bored by the details of the latter. Honestly, Shao Fei thinks he would be, too; he has plenty of respect for the hard work Tang Yi and Hong Ye do, and how good they are at it, but there's a reason he became a police officer rather than joining some big corporation right out of college.

“I'm sure you'll be able to cut ties,” he says, standing as well to see her out.

“Of course I will.” Hong Ye casually fluffs her hair as she turns toward the door. “Your confidence is well-placed.”

Shao Fei muffles a laugh into his fist, following her past the kitchen.

“Of course,” he says. “I'll let you know if I hear any more updates about Tang Yi's case. And you and Dao Yi should still come by for dinner sometime, I'm sure we'd like to catch up with you both.”

Hong Ye smiles and slips her shoes on, leaning to the side to look past Shao Fei. “Bye, Xu Yang,” she calls. “Let's go out again sometime, I'm sure you could use some new books.”

Shao Fei glances over his shoulder to find Xu Yang standing by the kitchen island with a small smile on his face, his hand raised to wave goodbye to Hong Ye. Raising her hand as well, Hong Ye waves back before she retrieves her umbrella and pokes the handle toward Shao Fei.

“We'll be in touch about that dinner.”

Nodding his agreement, Shao Fei watches Hong Ye walk out the door before he turns around and walks back toward Xu Yang, still standing in the kitchen.

“Well, that was a surprise,” Shao Fei says. “We didn't interrupt your studying too much, did we?”

Xu Yang shakes his head, folding his arms over his chest. It isn't a defensive posture, exactly, but then he starts curling his fingers in the fabric of his sleeve, and Shao Fei immediately takes a step closer.

“What's wrong?”

Xu Yang's hand stills, twisted in his shirt cuff, and he looks up at Shao Fei uncertainly.

“Nothing.”

“Hey, come on.” Shao Fei sets his hands on his thighs and bends forward. “It doesn't have to be a big deal. If it's bothering you, then it's something.”

Twisting his fingers in his shirt one last time, Xu Yang lowers his hands and shifts his gaze to somewhere around Shao Fei's shoulder.

“You always keep your word,” he says. “Does that mean you're taking care of me because you said you would?”

Shao Fei frowns, standing back upright. Doesn't that make sense, though? He said he'd take care of Xu Yang, so he is. What else does he expect?

“Of course I said I would,” he says. “Do you not want me to? Are you unhappy, do you want to be somewhere else?”

Xu Yang shakes his head vigorously, which isn't exactly a surprise, but the reassurance is a nice one all the same.

“If you don't want me anymore,” he says, “you won't send me away?”

“What?”

His eyes widening, Shao Fei raises his hands haltingly as he does his best to remember everything he's said, anything he might have done to give such an incredibly wrong impression. Was it something at the prison? Something in the car? Over dinner? In the morning before he left for work?

No, Xu Yang is a straightforward boy; he doesn't hold on to questions like that, and he wouldn't make these things up out of nothing. Shao Fei has to think about this logically, there must be some way to make sense of it.

Shao Fei always keeps his word. What did Hong Ye say? He annoys her with it sometimes, keeping it until it's obnoxious. But what's so bad about that, huh? He's an honest guy, and reliable. He keeps his word no matter what, and he's given his word he'll keep taking care of Xu Yang, no matter what. But then why does that make Xu Yang think Shao Fei will get sick of him?

Does he even think that, though? “If you don't want me,” he said, not “when.”

So that must be it.

Shao Fei sighs.

“I'm not going to get sick of you and throw you out of the house,” he says, kneeling down and resting his hand on his bent knee. “I like you. I promise I do. This isn't just a hobby I'm playing with, you're not some kind of burden on me, and I'm not taking care of you because I feel like I have to. I like having you around, I like making dinner with you, I like going on walks with you, I... I like going to visit Tang Yi with you.”

Xu Yang shifts his weight to one side, absently scratching the outer seam of his jeans, and Shao Fei smiles.

“And you don't have to worry about trying to do things to make me keep liking you, okay? You and I will disagree about things sometimes, that's all right. It isn't always going to be perfect, that's just how life is, but as long as you don't run away from those sorts of things, we can get through them together.”

And maybe don't turn off all the lights in the house and hide out in the bathtub.

Maybe he just won't mention that.

Xu Yang looks down at the floor before he raises his eyes back to Shao Fei and nods slowly. It's taken some time, and it's still a work in progress, but they're figuring each other out. Learning how to work together.

“Is that it?” Shao Fei asks. “That's all that's bothering you?”

Scratching his jeans again, Xu Yang pauses a moment, maybe to build up his confidence, or figure out what it is he even wants to ask.

“I'm a good influence,” he says eventually. “Is that why you're helping Tang Yi?”

It takes an awful lot of strength to keep from laughing out loud at the question, but Shao Fei manages to hold himself back. Their relationship does look a strange one from the outside, he knows that well enough; a police captain and a former mob boss, who wouldn't have their doubts and their questions? And Xu Yang, so alert to any hints of impending abandonment, any signs of conflict or unfaithfulness, must have plenty of those. He's only ever seen them treat one another with love and affection, of course, but to be fair, he did miss out on their entire history together. So how is Shao Fei supposed to make up for all that with nothing but his words?

There's really only one way he can think of.

Standing, Shao Fei beckons Xu Yang to follow him back to the living room, to sit with him on the couch.

“Let me tell you,” he says as Xu Yang takes his place beside him, “it's definitely not. Hong Ye was just making fun. I'm completely sincere in my feelings for Tang Yi; the entire time he's been in prison, I've been to visit him as often as I can, every single week. Except one, when I had to go to Kaohsiung for a conference, but I made sure Hong Ye was able to visit him instead so he wouldn't be alone while I was away.”

Xu Yang looks at him with that expression he has that's so like Tang Yi's, calmly impartial as he takes in all the new information Shao Fei is offering him without making a single judgment. The best decision is the one made with the most information; any time he has that luxury, he's surely going to use it.

Shao Fei does his best to look back with equal patience, though he's certain some of the unsettled energy that always seems to color his retelling of this whole story is showing through. Not that he could have known it at the time, not with any certainty, but they've been headed here ever since Shao Fei first told Xu Yang about Tang Yi's childhood, that brief sketch of history that started them all on the road to where they are; that may have been all he could take at the time, but it was never going to be enough, not for him. Not if they're serious about all this.

“Do you remember when I told you about Tang Guo Dong? How he took Tang Yi and Hong Ye in off the street and raised them as his children?”

Xu Yang nods.

“He wanted to fix the gang,” he says. “So they didn't have to be criminals anymore.”

“Exactly.” Shao Fei smiles grimly. “I told you he was killed.”

“By desperate people who made bad decisions.”

“You have a good memory.”

Xu Yang nods again. “This is important.”

Unbidden, Shao Fei smiles again, folding his hands between his knees. “Right.” He looks down for a second to collect himself and then back up at Xu Yang, still watching him so steadily. “Tang Guo Dong wasn't the only person who died that day. My mentor, Li Li Zhen, was killed as well, by the same desperate person. And two other people were there, a man named Chen Wen Hao, who used to be Tang Guo Dong's partner in the gang, and Tang Yi, too. The way it happened, Chen Wen Hao thought that Tang Yi was the one who killed Tang Guo Dong and Li Li Zhen, so...he shot him.”

“Tang Yi wouldn't do that.”

Shao Fei has to pause at the sudden interruption. The certainty in Xu Yang's voice, the total conviction of his immediate response, practically a reflex, is so endearing and so touching that he nearly stops the story right there.

Of course, that would completely defeat the purpose.

“No,” he says, “he wouldn't. He didn't. But he appeared very suddenly, and Chen Wen Hao didn't know who he was, and he was so furious and heartbroken that he acted without thinking. And then he was so scared and confused by what had happened, and what he'd done, that he ran away. Tang Yi spent two weeks in the hospital, in intensive care, and when he got out, he gave his statement to the police that he didn't know anything about who the killer was, and that was all he could say.”

“But he saw Chen Wen Hao.”

Shao Fei smiles again, bowing his head in agreement. “He did,” he says, “but you're skipping ahead. The reason I'm telling you this part now is that that's how Tang Yi and I met, when I started looking into his involvement in the shooting. I knew he hadn't done it, of course, I knew he was a victim. But I needed to know who had shot Li Li Zhen, and I was sure he knew more than he'd said in his official report, so for four years, I investigated him, learning everything I could about him, following him all over.”

Xu Yang leans back in his seat, keeping his eyes on Shao Fei with that same stoic expression on his face, listening, considering. It can't be too encouraging for him to hear about Tang Yi's long deception, but Shao Fei doesn't come off especially well in this retelling, either, and Xu Yang doesn't look like he's lost interest in hearing the rest of it. He hasn't distracted himself picking his schoolwork up again, or run off to his room, anyway, so that's something.

“That's why Hong Ye said I'm obnoxious, by the way,” Shao Fei says. “For those four years, I was very...intent. I might have gone overboard with some of it, Tang Yi actually sued me a bunch of times.”

Xu Yang raises his eyebrows at that, and Shao Fei grins.

“That whole time while I was trying to find out who killed Li Li Zhen, I didn't know it, but Tang Yi was trying to find out who killed Tang Guo Dong. And after four years, he finally managed to make some progress, and though we were doing it from opposite angles, we were actually investigating the same case, so it was progress for me, too. And...as it turns out, when we aren't trying to get in each other's way, we're actually a very good team. We—” He pauses and shakes his head. What a time that was, to have led to where they are.

“Once we started talking honestly,” he says, “we found that we didn't know each other as well as we thought we did. And once we started getting to know each other for real, when we understood each other, it didn't take too long to figure out how important we are to one another. We even saved each other's lives a couple of times.”

That's a fine place to end things for now, right? The rest of it is so complicated anyway, it's too much to tell all at once. At least Xu Yang has heard about all the major players, so that'll save some time if he wants to hear the rest later. Well, all except for Ah Zhi, but from Xu Yang's perspective, the whole backstory is probably more compelling than his actual identity; unfortunately, the most obvious question now is “Who's the murderer,” and maybe Shao Fei should have thought this through a little more thoroughly before he began.

The silence falls over them as Xu Yang tilts his head back to rest it on top of the backrest of the couch, his mind no doubt spinning as he looks up at the ceiling, and Shao Fei braces himself for the inevitable and tries to come up with the quickest way to explain what happened that day without getting too deep into the weeds. Or the story of Tang Yi's parentage, which, if anyone is going to tell that part, it really should be him.

Then Xu Yang picks his head back up, and Shao Fei just needs one more minute, one more to come up with the right words—

“He doesn't deserve you.”

He...

Shao Fei furrows his brow. That's not at all what's supposed to happen next.

“Tang Yi?”

Xu Yang nods.

“That's what he said,” he says. “You're very good to him. You treat him better than he deserves.”

Does he treat you well? Tang Yi wanted to know.

Yes, Xu Yang replied. And how about you?

In an instant, all the fight goes out of Shao Fei. All the nervous energy, all the excitement and the uncertainty. No wonder Tang Yi didn't want him to overhear those words, that answer he gave after so much thought and consideration; what would it have done to him, stuck on the other side of the window, the other end of the phone, unable to touch Tang Yi, to hold him, to reassure him? What would it have done to Tang Yi to see him like that?

And here Xu Yang is now, sitting all alone in the shadow of the story of the two of them, two people who claim to love each other so much and still make the choice to place so much space between them. Xu Yang, listening to all this talk of the lies and deceit in their wake, their shared history, as they do what paltry little they can now to prove their devotion. To show their worth.

Not completely meaning to, but unable to stop himself from doing it, Shao Fei reaches his arm out and lays it across Xu Yang's shoulders, a small act of comfort offered without asking anything in return. Xu Yang falls against him anyway, letting himself be drawn in and leaning into Shao Fei's side as Shao Fei tightens his hold.

“It's not about deserving,” Shao Fei says. “It's about being there for someone I love, and doing all that I can to help him when he needs me. And he does the same for me. No matter what things were like when we first started.”

There's no need to think about the things that caused all that hurt back then, not right now. They all carry their wounds with them, and maybe they always will, but they'll help each other heal, and when they can't, they'll help each other learn to live with the pain that will never go away.

Xu Yang nods and slides a little closer.

So for now, there's this.

Chapter Text

The next few days somehow pass by at two different speeds, one much too slow and the other much, much too fast. Xu Yang sticks close to Shao Fei for the rest of the weekend, though whether that's for his benefit or Shao Fei's is impossible to say, and the time is gone before Shao Fei knows it, giving way to a Monday that moves along in fits and starts, the way Mondays sometimes do. Tuesday drags on for ages until suddenly it's Wednesday afternoon, and Shao Fei hasn't the slightest idea where the last twenty-four hours have gone.

On Thursday morning, picking over his breakfast, Xu Yang despondently reminds them both that today is the last day he has to visit Tang Yi before the school year starts, nevertheless declining Shao Fei's suggestion that they mark the occasion in any special way. It wouldn't be fair to Tang Yi to treat themselves sympathetically when he's the one who has to be in prison, after all.

Still, Shao Fei makes sure to get home in plenty of time to drive them to the prison by two o'clock, following along courteously when Xu Yang pulls him by the hand into the visitation room and casually hanging back as Xu Yang takes his place in the single chair facing the window.

“Have you been behaving well?”

Shao Fei bites down on a laugh as Tang Yi offers his sincere assurance with a stoic expression on his face that Shao Fei immediately recognizes as carefully concealed amusement. Xu Yang nods in response, nudging his chair closer to the table between them.

“School starts next week,” he says, the words like an apology, or a warning, and Tang Yi relaxes into a gentle smile, trading a quick glance with Shao Fei.

Just a little while longer now.

***

Shao Fei doesn't mean to shut himself up in his office all morning. In fact, the door isn't even locked; anyone could come in as they please and ask him any questions they might have, or for anything they might need. Just because he's hunched over his desk, combing through heavy classification folders and scribbling in the margins of the files inside, scrolling through page after page on his computer and typing like a man possessed, obsessively checking his phone for messages and missed calls despite not receiving a single one, doesn't mean he can't still help his team with...whatever it is they're up to today.

It isn't until he emerges into the main area of the precinct at nearly one thirty in search of something to eat that Zhao Zi approaches him, walking with a hesitancy belying an expectation that he's about to be yelled at.

“Shao Fei?”

Pouring hot water into a cup of instant noodles, Shao Fei turns his head toward Zhao Zi, his eyebrows raised inquisitively.

“What's up?”

Zhao Zi rubs the back of his head with an awkward smile. “I'm not sure. You've been working so hard all morning, it reminded me of back when you were investigating Tang Yi; is...everything okay?”

“Hm?” Shao Fei idly stirs his noodles. “I'm the captain, I have a lot to do.”

“Yeah,” Zhao Zi hedges, “but...are you sure there isn't something on your mind?”

Something. That's one way of putting it.

Shao Fei shrugs.

“It's Xu Yang's first day of school today, that's all.” He picks up the cup with a small smile on his face. “If I don't put all of my attention into what I'm doing, I think I'll be too distracted to concentrate on anything at all.”

Zhao Zi nods sagely. “That sounds right.”

“Is that meant to be an insult?”

“I mean you have good focus!”

Shao Fei smirks around a bite of noodles. “If you say so.”

Rolling his eyes, his concerns apparently vanished, Zhao Zi ducks around Shao Fei to grab a bottle of Coke out of the refrigerator and a paper cup from a stack of them on the counter. “You work very hard, everyone knows it.” He twists the cap off the bottle with a satisfying hiss. “Are you nervous?”

“About work?”

“About Xu Yang.”

To be fair, it was pretty obvious that was what he meant. Shao Fei didn't really need to ask; he was just procrastinating.

“No,” he says, “I'm not. Not about him going to school, anyway, I think he was pretty excited about that, but...I might be a little, about him coming home to an empty house.”

Zhao Zi puts the Coke bottle back in the refrigerator. “You think he'll be lonely?”

“Mm.” Shao Fei lowers his eyes and stirs his noodles again. “I guess not. Dao Yi and I talked about it a while ago, when I was still worried Xu Yang might run away, and he made a pretty convincing argument. And this morning, I told Xu Yang he could call me if he had any problems, and he knows he can call Hong Ye and Dao Yi too, if I'm not around.”

“Or Jack.”

“You can be the one to tell him that.”

Leaning against the counter with an indifferent shrug of his shoulder, Zhao Zi raises the paper cup to his mouth and takes a long drink, lowering it again with a furrow in his brow.

“But then what's wrong?” he asks. “It sounds like everything is going well.”

It does, doesn't it?

Shao Fei fidgets with his chopsticks, pushing the noodles all to one side to let the salty broth pool in the empty space. Everything is going well, all planned and accounted for and everything; Xu Yang is happy to be going back to school, Han Ling Li will be by in the afternoon to help him with his studies, and Shao Fei will be home in time for dinner. It's fine, it's all fine.

Shao Fei sighs.

“It is,” he says. “Nothing's wrong. I'm being unreasonable.”

“Mm-mm.” Zhao Zi hums, taking another sip of Coke. “Sounds more like you're being a parent.”

His head swings around toward Zhao Zi, eyes widening at his friend's casual observation as the fleeting thought crosses Shao Fei's mind that it's a good thing there isn't any food in his mouth for him to start choking on. Sure, he's thought about it here and there, the concept hanging out in the back of his mind, something to focus on in more detail at some point, eventually, later, but for someone to say the words, to put it out there in the open like that is just so...forward.

So what other direction does he expect them to go, exactly?

For his part, Zhao Zi takes another sip before he reaches out to pat Shao Fei on the back, a kindly gesture that can only be described as deeply performative.

“It's okay.”

In all fairness, someone was bound to say it eventually. And of all the people who could've done it, Zhao Zi is probably the least likely to make fun of him for taking so long.

Shao Fei glares at him anyway.

***

It's a bit funny how quickly things can change. How quickly what counts as “normal” can be turned upside down and inside out. Sitting alone in the visitation room, pressing the plastic telephone receiver to his ear as he waits for the door on the other side of the dirty window to open, Shao Fei has to stop himself looking around for Xu Yang, reaching out to clasp his hand or offer him the phone to take his turn with Tang Yi, or even just check that he's doing all right.

Nearly a year and a half of solid routine completely upended by a single month.

Shao Fei rests his chin in his hand, pursing his lips thoughtfully. Everything stays the same until the moment that it doesn't.

Then the door opens and Tang Yi walks through, shuffling to the window and picking up the other receiver as he sits in his chair with a warm smile on his face.

“Shao Fei,” he says. “How are you?”

Shao Fei grins. “Better now. How about you, is there anything you need?”

“Such a romantic.” Tang Yi's smile widens a bit before it falls away. “I don't need anything, unless you've heard anything more from your officer friend, but—are you sure you're doing well? How is Xu Yang?”

Right on the verge of brushing off his concerns, “Everything is fine,” Shao Fei manages to stop himself from saying something comfortingly dishonest. There's no sense in putting on some masquerade for Tang Yi, of all people. He would surely see through it, and anyway, Shao Fei has no interest in deceiving him about anything. Especially not about this.

“I called the warden about getting you a parole hearing,” he says, “but the petition has to come from you, there's not much I can do to help until I come in to testify. You can try filing it now if you want, but even if you can get a hearing, I don't think they're likely to grant you parole yet, since you were just promoted and all; you'll probably have to wait a few more months. And,” his lips curve into a sudden grin, “Xu Yang is all right. He just started school, of course; you know, I tried to enroll him in fourth grade, since he was forced out halfway through third, but he absolutely refused. If he hadn't been made to leave back then, he'd be in fifth grade by now, and he insists that's what he wants.”

“Where could he have picked up that stubborn attitude, I wonder.”

“Hey, that's nothing to do with me! He's been that way as long as I've known him!”

Tang Yi shakes his head. “I don't mean it in a bad way, I haven't got any room to criticize him for refusing to compromise his ambitions. But—even besides following your guidance, I think he's taking after you more than you know.”

Shao Fei frowns. “What do you mean?”

“You said he refused to let himself be enrolled in the fourth grade?” Tang Yi leans into the table, his handcuffs clattering against one another. “Stubbornness, maybe, but you could just as easily call it 'determination.' He won't sit back and take the easy route, but he's not doing it for the sake of being contrary; he wants to prove to himself, or to you, that he can work just as hard as anyone else his age. Harder, considering where he's starting from.”

“And that reminds you of me?”

“Don't tell me you've suddenly become too modest to accept a compliment.”

“Of course not!” Drawing his shoulders back in an arrogant posture, Shao Fei holds it just long enough to make a point. “I don't want to be praised for his effort, is all. I can't take credit for his strength.”

Tang Yi tilts his head toward the phone. “Shao Fei.”

Shao Fei scowls. It's absolutely true; Xu Yang has struggled so much and worked so hard already to come as far as he has, and Shao Fei will always be there for him when he needs something to hang on to, but he's done all the most difficult parts on his own. And Tang Yi is so good to worry about them both, and so quick to assure Shao Fei that his best is enough when all Shao Fei can do to help him in return is stop by for a visit, staring at him through this smudged window and reminding him of everything he's missing. And Hong Ye and Dao Yi are being so good to them, and doting over Xu Yang whenever they can, and Zhao Zi and everyone at the station is being so supportive, doing their work so diligently without complaint, and—Shao Fei is only doing what he has to, that's all! He's taking care of what needs to be done, being there for everyone who relies on him so much. As well they should! Meng Shao Fei can do anything, of course! And it's just a little while longer, just a little bit more. One day at a time.

And then a little bit more. And a little more after that.

Well.

Shao Fei sighs. It was a good effort, though, wasn't it? For a little while?

He should have known better than to try some silly masquerade.

Still, he shakes his head. “Don't worry about me,” he says. “A lot of things are happening at once, that's all, but I'll be all right. You know that life moves very fast, sometimes it's harder to keep up than others.”

Tang Yi's eyes glisten in the harsh light when he tries to lean in closer, even though there's only so far he can go.

“You would ask the sun to stop shining?” he asks as Shao Fei smiles faintly. “Of course I worry about you. I know as well as anyone how strong you are, but no one can stand up under all that weight all the time.”

Pressing his palm to his eye, Shao Fei nods and tries not to laugh. This isn't funny; it isn't, it's the furthest thing from it. But what else is he supposed to do?

“Such a romantic,” he teases. “This isn't even what I had in mind to talk to you about today.”

Tang Yi smiles like he's not quite sure he should. “Life moves very fast,” he says. “It's difficult to make plans.”

Shao Fei laughs aloud this time, a quick burst that doesn't seem to soothe Tang Yi's mood any. “You and I both know that well enough!”

“On those rare occasions that you plan at all.”

“Hey...”

Tang Yi does smile a little wider then, sitting back in his chair. “So then what was it you wanted to talk about?”

“Do you know, it seems sort of out of place now.”

“Shao Fei.”

There's not much point in avoiding this any longer, is there? Everyone's been waiting.

Resting his elbows on the table, Shao Fei re-balances the phone against his ear and does his best to settle his nerves.

“I was thinking I want to adopt Xu Yang.”

Silence.

Some delighted exclamation would have been an unreasonable expectation, but Tang Yi can't really be surprised, can he? He may have had his concerns at first, his doubts and whatnot, but he's seemed so welcoming of Xu Yang since then, so happy to see him and to hear about his life with Shao Fei; isn't this the natural progression of things? Shouldn't he be pleased, shouldn't he have a dozen questions, shouldn't he look a little less...troubled?

“Tang Yi.” Shao Fei rocks forward, leaning over his arms. “What's wrong?”

His mouth set in a grim line, Tang Yi takes a shallow breath, the hardness in his eyes one Shao Fei recognizes at once, one he knows all too well. For all Tang Yi has done, for all he's doing, the thing he wants most is still out of his reach, and no matter how hard he tries, that's where it stays.

Just a little while longer. Just hold on.

After a beat, Tang Yi sharpens his gaze, doing his best to get rid of the uncertainty behind his eyes and not quite managing it all the way.

“Isn't this too much all at once?”

Shao Fei smiles, tilting his head to the left.

“I don't think so,” he says. “It'll be good for him, to have that kind of proof, and it'll look better at the school, too, for him to have a parent instead of just a responsible caretaker, or legal guardian, or whatever they think I am. I'm sure we're going to end up here eventually, so why not now?”

Tang Yi presses his lips tighter together as some of the turmoil comes back into his expression, and Shao Fei smiles again.

“Xu Yang asked me about it, you know, back when we came to visit you for the first time. He asked if I'd adopted him then, and I don't even think he was surprised when I said no, I don't know that he's ever really believed this is something that might happen for him. Even now, he still can't completely get rid of all his doubts.”

“I'm not opposed to the idea itself,” Tang Yi says, fixing Shao Fei with a pointed stare, “and I'm sure it would be to his benefit. But I'm not worried about that, I'm worried about you.”

Shao Fei frowns. Tang Yi is still worried about him? But Shao Fei has everything he needs, everything he could ask for; he's doing everything he can, and this isn't about him, this is about Xu Yang, this is about Tang Yi, this is about them, this is about—

All of it.

All the little things adding up to something big.

Reaching his hand toward the window, digging his nails into the seam of the divider, Shao Fei takes a shallow breath.

They can deny it all they want—he can deny it, but they both know better, don't they? They've both been there, at some point or another. Bearing those burdens that only they can carry, telling themselves they'll make it to the finish line before something gives way. Standing tall under more weight than anyone should have hold.

But what other choice does he have?

“It's not fair,” he says. “I know. And I know it won't be a simple thing. His parents are impossible to find, and he doesn't have any paperwork, besides the household registration. As far as the government is concerned, he might as well not even exist, so why bother, right?”

The hurt in Tang Yi's eyes doesn't go away, and Shao Fei shakes his head.

“But Xu Yang needs a family. A real one. I can't keep going like this, putting it off until it seems more convenient. Every day he's afraid will be the day I decide I'm finished with him, or I try to send him back to his parents, or those gangster wannabes, or just...put him back where I found him. No matter how many times I tell him I won't, that's the life he knows best. That's what he's learned to expect. I can't let him keep living like that, I... Not when I have a way to stop it. I can't.”

“Wait for me.”

Tang Yi looks at him imploringly, pleadingly, and Shao Fei's smile is a brittle one this time, he feels it in his heart.

“How long?” he asks. “Who knows how long they'll make you stay here before you get your parole? You could be a model prisoner, you could be completely perfect, and they still might deny you just because they feel like it, or someone on the board decides they want to make an example of you. What if it's four months, or five, or six, and the whole time we keep wondering why we didn't do it now, when we had the chance?”

Tang Yi shakes his head. “It won't,” he says. “It'll be soon.”

“I hope so too.” Shao Fei pulls his hand back from the divider, tucking it close to his chest. “I want that more than anything, and whatever happens, I'll wait for you as long as it takes, I swear, but this... This can't wait that long. He can't. I can't make him.”

Tang Yi's eyes narrow, his handcuffs rattling as his fingers twitch with some pent-up energy, scratching against his palm, the joint of his wrist.

The hardest problems never have the tidiest solutions. They can only do so much, making the best of something miserable.

Shao Fei looks away for a moment.

“I won't be alone,” he says then. “Hong Ye and Dao Yi will do everything they can to make the process move as quickly as possible, I'm sure. And I've got Zhao Zi and Jack too, and everyone back at the station. They all want to help out however they can.”

Tang Yi's jaw tightens like he's clenching his teeth.

Shao Fei tries to smile again.

“And most important,” he says, “I have you. I know I do. And you have me, too. And we'll get through this together. All of it.”

Tang Yi holds his gaze as long as he can bear it before it all becomes too much, too heavy. Lowering his head, dropping it down to his chest, he pushes his empty hand into his hair, the mouthpiece of the phone knocking against his temple as the cuffs tying his wrists together press a brand across his forehead.

Shao Fei slides his hand closer to the window.

Life has brought out the worst in them, desperate and unrelenting. Taking back all that it has to give. But it doesn't matter; they've come too far to give up now.

Side by side, they're still standing.

***

The weeks are getting longer, it seems. Days, too; Shao Fei sits in his car in the prison parking lot and tries to remember how many hours it's been since he left the visitation room. Three, was it? Four? Oh, no; look at that. Ten minutes. The time sure does fly.

Shao Fei puts the car into drive. It's not too far back to the precinct, and he still has so much left to do.

Soon, Tang Yi said. It'll be soon.

He wants to believe that. He wants to, so badly, even though he knows better; even though they both do. But it sounded lovely, didn't it? The words were nice to hear for a moment, even if they might not be true.

Shao Fei drives down the road, a bit crowded but not terribly so, at this in-between hour not particularly suited to doing anything of any importance. The car driving in the opposite direction in the lane beside him seems to be speeding a bit, or maybe he's running a little slow. It's impossible to tell.

I have you, Shao Fei said. I know I do.

I have you in the in-between moments, that was what he meant. I have you in my heart while I can't do it for real. One hour out of every one hundred and sixty-eight.

The days are getting longer, it seems.

Shao Fei drives down the road, maybe a little slow, and watches the traffic lights turn red as he coasts on through. A car horn honks behind him, the traffic in the rearview coming to a standstill.

It's not fair. I know.

Shao Fei pulls over on the side of the road, putting the car into park as a pair of motorcyclists race past with their heads tucked down between their shoulders, doing everything they can to minimize wind resistance.

We'll get through this, Shao Fei promised. Together.

We will.

Shao Fei takes a rattling breath that catches in his throat as he looks out the window, out at the horizon underlining the blue and grey sky.

Life moves very fast. But we can hold on a little while longer.

Just breathe.

Chapter Text

The light from the lamps posted around the compound cuts through the night, softening the moonlight that shines down through the trees and stretching out the shadows that fall across the big, empty rooms.

Shao Fei lies in his big, empty bed and watches the curtains waver in the air coming up through the vents. They don't move much; there's a surprising weight to them, for such sheer fabric. The subtle shifts, the reflections, are usually easier to catch in the dark.

He forgets, sometimes. He forgets how hard it really is for Tang Yi to do what he's doing, to be where he is. How much more there is to it than just being in prison, how much more than being locked away; as hard as it is for Shao Fei, the two of them being apart for so long, as much as he feels that missing rib cut out of his body, how much harder is it to be the one who has to see the people he loves hurting so badly all because of him? Wanting nothing more than to soothe their pain, all the while knowing that all he can do is add to it simply by doing what he has to, simply by doing the right thing. How much harder is it to be the one who has to watch as they destroy themselves trying not to fall apart, clambering around in the dark trying to remember how they managed to survive yesterday and wondering if it might work again tomorrow?

Shao Fei lays his arms over his eyes.

They're all walking down this same dark hall together, side by side. All of them being pulled apart in every direction at once, he's nothing special.

Tang Yi is only trying to look out for his best interests. Even locked away where he is, even all alone on the other side of that dirty glass, Tang Yi only wants what's best for him. Tang Yi only wants to protect Shao Fei from himself.

So how is Shao Fei supposed to deny him that?

***

Saturday morning, Xu Yang sleeps in late.

It's not a bad thing. Shao Fei doesn't mind. This week has been very difficult, after all; even with Han Ling Li coming by three days a week for tutoring, heading straight into fifth grade after a year and a half away from school takes a lot of effort, and for Xu Yang, so well-trained at keeping to himself and being so self-sufficient, being around all those other children must be exhausting. On top of all that, no matter how many times Tang Yi assures him everything is okay, insisting that he understands, Xu Yang still seems to feel terrible about no longer being able to visit the prison. All Shao Fei can do is hope it hasn't kept him up nights.

For the time being, poking around the refrigerator, Shao Fei has nearly convinced himself that they have all of the ingredients he needs to make green onion pancakes when his phone ringing saves him from having to make any firm commitments.

“Zhao Zi,” he says. “Isn't this awfully early for a Saturday?”

“It's already nine, what are you talking about?”

“For you of all people to be awake and making calls, that still seems early to me.” Shao Fei glances toward the hall as if Xu Yang might suddenly appear, even though he doesn't really expect it. “What's going on?”

“Jack wants to talk to Xu Yang,” Zhao Zi says. “He has cooking questions, he says, but he won't tell me what they are.”

“So mysterious.” Shao Fei looks down the hall again. “But Xu Yang isn't up yet, I don't think.”

There's some muffled sound as Zhao Zi presumably moves the phone away from his mouth to relay the update to Jack, followed by a brief pause before he jumps back in to the conversation.

“Come over for breakfast!”

There's a certain appeal to that, Shao Fei thinks as he looks back at the forlorn state of the cabinets.

“You haven't eaten yet?” he asks anyway, picking up a bag of flour and trying to guess how much is left in it by the weight.

“Ah... No, I just got up,” Zhao Zi admits. “But Jack says he'll make French toast if you guys come over.”

“For breakfast?”

“He says it's a western thing.”

Shao Fei quirks his eyebrows, adjusting the phone against his ear. “He's spoiling you again, huh?”

“I'd want you to come over anyway!”

Shao Fei grins. “Sure, sure. I'll ask Xu Yang when he gets up, I'll bet he won't say no to Jack's cooking.”

“See you soon!”

Laying his phone down on the island, Shao Fei raises his hand to ruffle his hair, his eyes dropping to the counter as he breathes out slowly. Zhao Zi is just trying to be nice, that's all. Supportive and kind in the way that comes so naturally to him, the way he's best at. A good friend.

Shao Fei is so tired.

“Hi.”

His eyes snap open as Shao Fei jerks his head up, smiling reflexively at Xu Yang standing in the corridor with his hands tucked inside his sleeves.

“Hi,” Shao Fei says, his hand coming to rest over his phone. “Good night? You sleep okay?”

Xu Yang nods, stepping forward toward the island. “Did I miss breakfast?”

“What?” Shaking his head, Shao Fei slips his phone into his pocket with a little laugh. “No, of course not. It's the weekend, if you wake up late, you just have a late breakfast, it's okay. Or...early lunch. You're not going to starve here, I promise, and once Tang Yi gets back, there'll be so much food around, you won't know what do with all of it, I bet.”

Xu Yang looks up at him with that piercing stare of his, carefully neutral, quietly assessing, and Shao Fei can only smile again, completely defenseless, an open book. A few seconds later, or a small eternity, Xu Yang sets his hands down on the edge of the counter, his sleeves sliding down off of his wrists as he narrows his eyes.

“What's wrong?”

Shao Fei wastes a couple of seconds thinking about denying it, but what would be the point in that, really? And just how long does he think he can keep up such an act?

He shakes his head again.

“It's nothing. Don't worry about it, I'm just tired is all.”

Xu Yang levels him with an impressively world-weary glare. “If it's bothering you,” he says, “it's not nothing.”

Huh, and where could he possibly have picked that one up? In his defense, Shao Fei walked right into it, but...still. This kid sure is something else.

Sighing, the effort of hiding his weariness no longer seeming worth the trouble, Shao Fei takes his hand out of his pocket and rests it back down on the counter.

“Tang Yi has been in prison a long time,” he says. “I miss him a lot. Last week was a little harder than usual, but I'll be okay.” Leaning over, he reaches to ruffle Xu Yang's hair. “I've got you around to keep me company, after all.”

Raising his eyes toward Shao Fei's hand on his head, Xu Yang nods his agreement, and Shao Fei smiles again.

“He asked about you, you know,” he says. “When I went to visit him. He asked how you're doing, if you're all right, and I told him all about school, how you wouldn't let me enroll you in the fourth grade class. He's quite impressed by you, he says you're very determined and hardworking.”

Xu Yang shrugs and tucks his hands back into his sleeves, folding them one on top of the other and pulling them close to his chest.

“Is he doing well?”

Shao Fei smiles wanly. “He's doing as well as he can be,” he says. “He misses us, too.”

“Mm.”

His eyes cast down, Xu Yang sniffs quietly as he fidgets with his hands, mindlessly twisting them together. After a moment, Shao Fei ducks his head down to try to catch his gaze.

“Xu Yang?”

Xu Yang shakes his head, and Shao Fei sighs.

Of course he's not the only one here who's hurting.

“You know he understands,” he says. “He understands why you can't come see him anymore. He's not going to get mad at you, and he's... He's definitely not going to forget about you. There's no way.”

When Xu Yang looks up, finally, his eyes aren't red-rimmed as Shao Fei expects them to be, holding back tears or anything like that; instead they're openly vulnerable in a way Xu Yang isn't often, or at least that he hasn't let himself show before, and Shao Fei can only smile again.

“We'll figure something out. But, in the meantime,” he reaches into his pocket to retrieve his phone, “Zhao Zi called to invite us over to his and Jack's place for breakfast, he says Jack wants to talk to you about something.”

Xu Yang blinks a couple of times and shuffles his hands again.

“Congee?”

Shao Fei grins. “French toast. How about you go get dressed and we'll drive over there, huh?”

Nodding quickly, Xu Yang turns and hurries back to his room. Shao Fei rests his elbows on the island counter and sets his chin in his hand as he watches him go.

Every day he thinks might be the last one he can stand to wait, Shao Fei remembers that there's always someone there to offer their hand to pick him back up again and keep on walking alongside.

Every day, they get a little closer to that finish line.

***

Shao Fei hardly knocks on the front door before Zhao Zi opens it to beckon them inside.

“You're never this eager when it's just me coming to visit,” Shao Fei observes, bracing his hand on the wall to step out of his sneakers.

Zhao Zi frowns. “But I see you every day at work.”

“How fickle are you?”

Zhao Zi rolls his eyes as they all head for the dining table, Shao Fei pulling out a chair as Xu Yang drifts toward the dividing wall to peer at the stove where Jack stands with his back to them.

“Xu Yang,” Jack says instantly, still facing the stove where he's frying a few pieces of battered bread. “Do you want to help me out?”

Shao Fei glances over the wall, but Xu Yang doesn't seem the slightest bit startled that Jack apparently doesn't need to see him to know he's there, simply taking the invitation to step up to the counter and offer his assistance. Just how much of his own past did Jack need to tell Xu Yang to make him comfortable with that hyper-awareness of his? How much about all he had to do to survive the trials he threw himself into, how much about the man who was in so many ways different from the Jack who Xu Yang has come to know?

How much of himself does Jack see in Xu Yang, Shao Fei wonders.

Or the other way around.

Shao Fei shakes his head. They're here now, that's the important thing.

“Shao Fei,” Zhao Zi murmurs, sitting across from him and leaning forward. “How's he doing, is everything going well?”

“Xu Yang?” Shao Fei arches his eyebrows. “You could ask him yourself, you know.”

“Yeah,” Zhao Zi says hesitantly, “but I haven't talked to him in a while, I don't know what he's been getting up to. I don't want to bring up something that might make him uncomfortable.”

Shao Fei smirks. Actually, Zhao Zi has been getting plenty of updates about Xu Yang from Shao Fei himself; big things like starting school and working with Han Ling Li, and little ones like the time Shao Fei found him sitting by the pool and he confessed that he doesn't know how to swim. Right now, though, it's not hard to guess that Zhao Zi is hoping to hear about how Xu Yang is handling Tang Yi's imprisonment, now that the possibility of parole has introduced so much uncertainty into the situation.

“He's doing all right,” Shao Fei says, lowering his voice as well and leaning closer. “I don't think he wants to talk about Tang Yi right now, though, he feels bad about stopping Thursday visits.”

Nodding, Zhao Zi cranes his neck back over his shoulder to get a better view of the situation in the kitchen where Jack moves another slice of French toast from the frying pan to a serving plate and Xu Yang carefully pours syrup into a carafe.

“Have some patience,” Jack says with a grin, his eyes still on the frying pan. “One more minute and it'll be ready, you can eat as much as you like.”

Zhao Zi smiles back, that delighted one that seems to be reserved specifically for Jack, and Shao Fei settles into his chair with a soft smile of his own. This really is nice, this arrangement they've made for themselves; Xu Yang is happy here. Comfortable. This is a safe place for him to forget all the things that might be weighing him down, a place where he can be protected from his troubles for a while. A place to rest.

It can be that for Shao Fei, too, can't it? If he'll let it. Zhao Zi did his best to make that for him, if he'd only take him up on it. He's still trying, too, even if he's doing it in a little bit of a different way now.

“You can have fruit as well,” Jack says, emerging from the kitchen to set the mountainous plate of French toast in the middle of the table. “And there's eggs and sausage.”

Xu Yang sets the carafe down beside the serving plate, bowing slightly in Jack's direction before he sits beside Shao Fei with his hands in his lap. The bow is a funny sort of gesture, Shao Fei thinks, weirdly deferential considering how comfortable Xu Yang is around here, around Jack and Zhao Zi. Then again, maybe it's some kind of habit he's picked up during their cooking lessons; for his part, Jack is grinning like he thinks it's cute, and hey, if the two of them have become close enough to have those kinds of inside jokes, or whatever this is, Shao Fei isn't going to interfere.

“Thanks,” Shao Fei says as Zhao Zi sets a couple of pieces of French toast on Xu Yang's plate before he begins piling his own. “And, thanks for inviting us over.”

“We're all so busy,” Zhao Zi says, grabbing the syrup as Jack and Shao Fei help themselves, “I haven't seen you both in so long.”

“You were just saying you see me all the time!”

“At work,” Zhao Zi says pointedly. “Of course that's not the same.”

Shao Fei grins. Of course what Zhao Zi really means is that it's been too long since he's seen Xu Yang, but there's no need to embarrass either of them by pinning him down for that.

“Xu Yang,” Zhao Zi says then, turning to him without pretense, “how have you been? You started school, right?”

Pausing in the middle of cutting off a corner of his French toast, Xu Yang nods and sets his utensils down.

“The classes are very hard,” he says, “but they're better than the ones at my old school. And Teacher Han helps me with my homework, since she knows all the subjects.”

Zhao Zi smiles. “That's very good,” he says. “It's great that you have someone to help you out. I bet it's nice to be with a lot of other kids your age, too, isn't it?”

Looking down at his plate, Xu Yang picks up his fork to pierce the French toast corner and put it in his mouth, chewing slowly. Zhao Zi's eyes dart up to Shao Fei, but he only shrugs; Xu Yang doesn't seem terribly upset by the question, merely thoughtful.

“They're nice,” he says eventually. “Most of them don't talk to me very much.”

Jack frowns. “Doesn't sound very nice to me.”

“It's okay.” Xu Yang looks back up across the table at Jack and Zhao Zi. “They already know each other well, they already have their friends. But they're not mean to me.”

It doesn't speak especially well for him that Xu Yang considers the main qualification for “nice” to be “not mean to me,” but maybe it shouldn't be such a surprise, considering the sorts of people he must have encountered in his time on the streets. And that's not even getting into the issue of those fake gangsters harassing him and his parents for so long. Or his parents themselves.

Shao Fei puts the biggest bite of French toast into his mouth that he can fit.

“It's okay,” Xu Yang says again, his tone bordering on consoling as he turns to Shao Fei. “Zhang Qing Yuan is my friend. She's very smart, she helps me sometimes when I have questions. She says I learn things fast. And she ate lunch with me.”

Shao Fei raises his eyebrows at that. Granted, given Xu Yang's insistence about moving straight into fifth grade, most of their discussions about school have been about his studies and whether he needs any more help than what Shao Fei has thought to offer, but even so, he hasn't mentioned Zhang Qing Yuan's name once.

Not that Shao Fei thought to ask.

“That's great,” he says, hoping his smile covers his irritation at himself for the oversight. “If you ever want to...invite her over to the house, or spend time with her after school, you can let me know.”

Xu Yang nods, although something about it isn't especially convincing.

“Okay,” he says.

Shao Fei's smile brightens. “You can,” he says. “It's really okay. Just tell me first.”

Xu Yang looks back down at his French toast.

“Maybe.”

Oh. Oh, all right. It's been a while, but Shao Fei knows that tone too well: Maybe once he's sure she isn't going to leave, that's when. Maybe once he's sure he can believe her kindness, that she isn't planning to run away.

Shao Fei nods.

“Sure,” he says. “Whenever you're ready.”

Xu Yang smiles at him.

Zhao Zi reaches for the syrup again, and the four of them eat diligently for a while before Zhao Zi's curiosity suddenly gets the better of him, prompting him to reach out and tap Jack on the shoulder.

“What was so important for you to talk to Xu Yang about?” he asks. “You made such a big deal of it this morning and you still haven't said a word.”

“You did?” Shao Fei can't resist asking, trying to keep his smile contained to a reasonable degree as Xu Yang tilts his head. “What is it?”

Jack points at Shao Fei with the handle of his fork. “Of all people, you ought to shoulder at least some of the burden for this one.”

“Hey!” Shao Fei widens his eyes belligerently. “What did I do now?"

“Nothing,” Jack says as though that's exactly the problem. “But we're running out of time, don't you think?”

“For what?”

Jack nods toward Xu Yang. “Before his birthday. I still don't know his favorite cake, we haven't gotten a chance to try any out.”

That's not why he invited them over this morning, of course. Shao Fei knows it's not. They all do. But it's a good pretense, nice and safe and well-meaning.

Still, he raises his hand to his mouth to smother his laughter. “You invited us this morning just to ask about cake flavors?”

Jack takes the opportunity to put on a lofty expression, straightening his posture excessively.

“You would have me rush at the last moment? Who was it who asked this of me in the first place?”

“It was Zhao Zi!”

“You asked him first!”

“Only because you didn't know, but you were the one who insisted!”

Cutting into their banter with a loud sigh, Jack sets his folded arms down behind his plate, exchanging an exhausted look with Xu Yang that still somehow manages to perfectly convey an incredibly patronizing attitude. Shao Fei is about to make some jabbing rejoinder when he notices the playful grin on Xu Yang's face, and...the whole thing is a pretty silly one to be arguing about, when he thinks about it.

Especially now, of all times.

Shao Fei contents himself with rolling his eyes to cut off Zhao Zi's next retort as Zhao Zi sticks out his tongue, an equally effective counterargument, and all in all, this one's probably a stalemate.

“Fine,” Shao Fei says, “so what's your plan? Is this a wedding, are we going cake tasting?”

“No need for that,” Jack assures him, taking his arms off the table and sitting back upright. “I'm perfectly capable of handling the whole matter myself. But it's a pretty big waste of cakes to make every different kind when something like this gives a much better starting point.”

Zhao Zi looks down at the mostly-decimated pile of French toast at the center of the table. “Breakfast tells you about cakes?”

“This one does.” Jack grins. “Xu Yang, did you like it? What was your favorite part?”

Spearing the last remaining bite on his plate, Xu Yang considers the small puddle of syrup he took and ended up mostly ignoring, turning the plate until the syrup is facing the opposite side of the table.

“It's good,” he says. “I like the spices a lot.”

“Not the syrup, though?”

Xu Yang purses his lips. “It's better without it,” he says. “Not too sweet.”

Jack gets a thoughtful expression on his face as though that scant information has somehow told him everything he needs to know, and for one stupid, irrational, ridiculous second, Shao Fei thinks he might start crying.

No, no. What would be the point of that? Getting so emotional over something so small, such an easy detail of how the three of them all seem to belong together. How they all seem to fit in.

Instead, Shao Fei leans toward Xu Yang furtively, as if he's about to tell him a secret.

“Tang Yi is the same as you,” he says. “He doesn't like cake that's too sweet, either.”

Xu Yang nods solemnly at the information, setting his hands down in his lap and turning his attention back to the syrup on his plate as though he doesn't know quite what to do with it, or like it's about to tell him something crucially important. Shao Fei is right on the verge of offering him another piece of French toast, in case he's too nervous to take one for himself, when he looks up again with a shy hesitancy in his eyes.

“Does he have a favorite kind?”

Jack folds his arms in front of himself as though he's offended by the very idea that Tang Yi's favorite cake might play a role in determining what Xu Yang requests for his own, though he doesn't raise any actual objections; for his part, Shao Fei smiles wryly, shaking his head as the sugary scent of whipped cream seems to suddenly pass him by.

“I don't know,” he says. “I can ask him, if you want.”

Rather than agree immediately, as Shao Fei fully expects, Xu Yang shifts his uncertain gaze to Jack before he returns it to Shao Fei.

“And then can we make a cake for his birthday, too?”

Can we remind him that we're thinking of him? That we keep him with us all the time, even when he's not around? So that he knows we all belong together? Wouldn't that be nice, if we could do that?

If only things could all be so easy.

Shao Fei and Zhao Zi exchange tense frowns, biting their tongues on a wordless conversation until Shao Fei shakes his head slowly, turning a bit in his seat.

“Tang Yi usually can't have any food that comes from outside,” he says, stopping himself just short of reciting some formalized line from the Regulations of Rehabilitation about prisoner behavior. “Only on special festivals.”

Xu Yang holds his gaze a moment longer, just in case the answer might change, but then he nods, returning his attention to the pool of syrup in front of him. He's not surprised. It would have been nice, but some things are too good to be true. He knows better than to ask too much of anyone, or anything.

This small gesture, this effort at kindness is going to be the thing that defeats them? No. Not if Shao Fei has anything to say about it, it won't.

Urging his chair closer, Shao Fei reaches out to put his arm around Xu Yang's shoulders and look him in the eye.

“We'll figure something out, though,” he says. “Even if it can't be that. We won't forget about him.”

Xu Yang nods again.

Maybe they can't bring him a cake, but there are plenty of other ways to celebrate birthdays. Surely there must be something they can do, some way to mark the occasion; whatever it is, Meng Shao Fei will find it. He may not be able to do everything, but he can certainly do this much for Xu Yang. For all of them.

“I promise.”

They'll be there for each other, every step. All the way.

Like families do.

Chapter Text

Visiting the prison is never a cheerful thing. It's a place all full of malice, grungy and dimly lit by design; people are encouraged to leave as soon as they enter, or bleakly reminded that they're not allowed. There's nothing Shao Fei can do to change all of that, but he brings with him all the light that he's able.

He does his best.

Today isn't a sad day, anyway. It isn't. Things are going well, things are settling in to their routines; he may not have any particularly uplifting news to bring to Tang Yi, but he doesn't have anything particularly bad, either, and in some ways, that's just as good. Almost as good. It's a place to start.

Tang Yi will understand.

Arching his back, stretching away from the hard backrest of the stiff metal chair where he sits, Shao Fei rests the phone against his shoulder and looks through the window toward the door. These acts of theirs are temporary, all of them. Holding patterns. They've fallen into them by accident, by circumstance, but they'll break free once things are back to normal. Once they're back to how they should be.

Soon.

Shao Fei perks up as the door opens, but he doesn't recognize the man who walks through and sits down at the window in the corner, hidden from view as quickly as he appeared. The door swings shut again, and Shao Fei puffs out his cheeks and sighs in a huff, tapping the phone against his clavicle. The longest he's ever had to wait for Tang Yi to appear, back in December of last year on a particularly busy day during the holiday season, and well before any of the guards knew him by sight, was twenty-seven minutes; he'd wait ten times that, of course, but even that dedication can't compensate for the fact that Tang Yi has to live in such a place that has so little respect for him, such disregard for his dignity. His humanity.

The door opens again, and this time it is Tang Yi who walks through with a kind smile on his face. Shao Fei lifts himself a few inches out of his seat, almost reaching his arm out before common sense gets the better of his instincts; funny how even after all this time, all this routine, he can still be so easily undone by something so small. He'll wrap Tang Yi in his arms the moment he's released from this hell, grab hold of him and never let him go, but until then, his words will have to do.

Tang Yi picks up the telephone, and Shao Fei raises his receiver to his ear.

“Hello.”

Shao Fei feels his smile in the creases around his eyes.

“Hi.”

Holding his cuffed wrists up, Tang Yi rattles them in a teasing sort of way.

“I've been behaving myself well.”

“How did you know that was going to be my first question?”

“Well,” Tang Yi lowers his hands and straightens his posture, “you have to make your report, of course.”

“Mm.” Shao Fei's smile softens. “Yeah, I suppose I do.”

They sit in the silence for a moment, not because there's nothing to say so much as no words with which to say it, or not exactly the right ones, yet. They could repeat themselves, of course; “I hope you're doing well,” “It won't be much longer now,” “I miss you,” “I love you,” on and on and on. Those things are as true now as they've ever been, every one of them.

But maybe that's the problem. How long can the promises sustain them? Everyone needs some tangible thing every once in a while, some bright spot to give them energy enough to reach the finish line. To keep going until the light at the end of the tunnel comes into view, until they can touch the edge of that horizon.

Shao Fei's hand edges closer to the dividing window, and he sighs.

“I'm not going to adopt Xu Yang right now,” he says. “I still want to eventually, I still— I still think it's a good idea, but you're right. Now's not the right time. It's going to be hard on him, whenever we go through with it, and it'll be too much for me, to support him the way he'd need while I'm going through all that bureaucracy by myself, plus being captain of Unit Three, something would get lost. I don't even know which part, but I don't want to find out.”

The smile on Tang Yi's face isn't the relieved one Shao Fei expected. He's tempted to call it sadness, that light in his eyes, or an apology; no, not sadness, something softer, kinder. Gratitude, maybe, or affection. Or—maybe it doesn't matter exactly what it is. Maybe it's enough that whatever it is, it comes from a place of love.

Shao Fei smiles back.

“I hope I didn't make you worry too much.”

Tang Yi shakes his head.

“I knew you would be all right.”

“Did you, though?”

Tang Yi smirks. “It had to happen eventually.”

“Hey!”

“No,” Tang Yi shakes his head again, “no, I knew you would. I knew you would find your way.”

There's always someone to stand beside him when the ground begins to give way, after all. Even if he doesn't know it.

Shao Fei presses his hand to the window. They've said it all, haven't they? Everything that can be said. Everything that needs saying.

There's nowhere left to go but forward.

***

October twenty-first.

Shao Fei leans back in his chair and presses his palms down against his eyes. That's a little over a month away still; there's no need to panic, he has plenty of time.

But why is he suddenly so bad at this?

Sure, he and Tang Yi haven't known each other for years— Well, okay, maybe they have, but not intimately, not in any sort of way that would help him come up with something really clever or meaningful to do for Tang Yi on his birthday. Surprising him with a cake that time wasn't even about the cake so much as the message of it, the promise in his stolen wish, and that promise hasn't changed, obviously, his resolve hasn't lessened any, but this time, this time has to be something different. Something more.

Something that Xu Yang has a part in creating, for one thing. With food out of the question, that only leaves some substantial item, a book or something, but first of all, the process of applying to send and receive a gift requires telling Tang Yi what the gift is, which takes all the fun out of it, not to mention the whole complicated ordeal takes so long that even if they were to start it today, Shao Fei can't be sure it would be approved in time. Not to mention the part where he would have to already know what the gift is.

And he's suddenly so bad at this.

Raising his hand up over his head, Shao Fei presses his fingers together, watching the light shining through shift as he spreads them apart again. To be honest, really honest, there's another reason he doesn't want to give Tang Yi some regulation-approved souvenir that could sustain him a good long while: He meant it when he warned Tang Yi that getting his parole might take a long time, that they shouldn't make any plans around something so impossible to predict, but he wants to believe as much as anybody that it'll be soon. That it won't be long at all before they can start counting down the time before he's back home in days, instead of weeks, or months, or years. That even if Shao Fei tries to send some birthday present to him in the mail, who's to say he won't be released before it's fully approved? Why not wait to give it to him in person? Place it in his hands and watch his eyes light up when he sees it, whatever it is.

Isn't that a much sweeter thought? It would be so nice.

Shao Fei sighs. If only it was practical, too.

Well, they can't just do nothing. He promised Xu Yang, after all.

Huffing under his breath, Shao Fei leans forward and props his elbow on his desk to rest his chin in his hand. If Xu Yang were to write Tang Yi a letter, Shao Fei could fold it up and stick it in his pocket and bring it along with him to read to Tang Yi through the phone; if he wanted to draw a picture, Shao Fei could hold it up to show him through the window.

If Tang Yi's birthday were to fall on a weekend, he could bring Xu Yang himself. Sit him right down in that chair and let him give the message in his own words.

Shao Fei sighs again and taps the shift key to wake up his computer. Maybe distracting himself by doing some actual police work for a few hours will give him some ideas, somehow. Although, come to think of it, any idea brought on by reading police reports is probably not going to end up being the most romantic thing in the world, or the most...child-friendly.

Shao Fei squeezes his eyes shut and rubs his fingers vigorously through his hair. Damn calendar.

No, it's okay. There's still time.

Clicking on his folder of active case files, Shao Fei hunches forward toward the screen and concentrates as hard as he can. There's a preliminary report of a drug shipment coming into port in a few days, Unit One wants Unit Three's cooperation to root out any gang connection; as if Shao Fei would know, what a presumptuous question that is. No reputable gang deals in drug trafficking in this day and age.

“Reputable gang,” what is he talking about? Shao Fei slaps his cheeks, glaring at his computer. Is he some kind of admirer? The only reputable gang is one that's disbanded, obviously. The only reputable gang in all of Taiwan is Xing Tian Meng.

Shao Fei drops his head down on his desk. This is absurd. This is ridiculous. He's a police captain, for goodness' sake, he's perfectly capable of doing his job without letting his own biases and opinions get involved and start influencing his decisions. He's perfectly capable of separating his work life from his home life.

If only they weren't so unavoidably tied up in one another.

Shao Fei groans.

This is pointless.

Then again, he thinks with another bleary look up at his monitor, it's nearly two o'clock already; maybe he'll be able to think more clearly after he has something to eat. It always seems to work for Zhao Zi, anyway.

Out in the bullpen, Yu Qi has gathered a couple of the new recruits to her desk for some sort of demonstration as Jun Wei pretends not to watch out of the corner of his eye, and Zhao Zi is dividing his attention between something on his computer and something on his phone. They might not be in line to win any efficiency awards, but at least they all seem to be accomplishing something or other. Anyway, Shao Fei is one to talk; besides, it's Friday. Today is probably just one of those days.

“Shao Fei!”

Or maybe not.

Shao Fei glances over his shoulder as Zhao Zi jumps up from his chair and hurries to meet him at the counter.

“Something wrong?”

Zhao Zi shakes his head. “Does Xu Yang like spice cake?”

No, it's one of those days, all right. Still, Shao Fei furrows his brow as Zhao Zi looks at him expectantly.

“Huh?”

“Spice cake,” Zhao Zi repeats. “Do you know? Jack says it's unusual for a birthday, but he doesn't think Xu Yang will mind if he likes the flavor.”

Of all the asinine questions. “How in the world would I know something like that?” Shao Fei asks irritably. “I thought Jack said he could handle this part by himself, why are you asking my advice?”

“I—” Zhao Zi raises his hand to the back of his head with a sheepish expression and leans back a little ways. “I don't know, I just thought he might have mentioned something after you guys came over the other day.”

Taking a shallow breath, Shao Fei tips his head back and looks up at the ceiling. Right. Right, of course. Of course, Zhao Zi and Jack are worried about Xu Yang, too. They want to help him and take care of him and make sure he's safe and happy, and now that school has started, Jack gets most of his updates from Zhao Zi, and Zhao Zi gets his updates from Shao Fei, and—it's possible that Shao Fei is having a harder time separating his work life from his home life than he'd like to admit.

Then again, thinking back to his old apartment, his old board mapping out the shooting, his photos of all the major players, his hand-drawn mug shot of Tang Yi, hung up right in the entryway so it would be the first thing he saw when he came home, maybe the truth is that he's never been much good at it at all.

One character flaw at a time. For now, he lowers his head with an apologetic smile. “Yeah,” he says. “Sorry, I'm sorry. To be honest, we haven't talked about it much; do you know, I think I've been avoiding bringing it up to him because I still don't have any idea what to do about Tang Yi's birthday, and I don't want to remind him any more than I have to of how limited our options are.”

“Mm.” Zhao Zi nods, lowering his hand back to his side. “Do you have any idea what Tang Yi wants?”

Shao Fei levels him with a glare. “His freedom?”

“Sure, but you're already doing all you can for that,” Zhao Zi brushes him off with a thoughtful frown. “He hasn't said anything to give you any hints?”

“I think he's been a little preoccupied to worry about those kinds of things.” Turning back to the counter, Shao Fei reaches to pick a cup of instant noodles from the stash they always keep in the cabinets. “He asks me every week how Xu Yang is doing, but his birthday's on a Wednesday, and I can't exactly take Xu Yang out of school for something like this.”

“Why not?”

Shao Fei switches on the water heater with another baleful glance in Zhao Zi's direction. “Why do you think? He's already behind the rest of his classmates, I'm not going to make him miss half a day to come with me to visit a prison.”

“To visit Tang Yi,” Zhao Zi corrects. “On his birthday. And isn't he doing very well in his lessons with Teacher Han? You could ask her to help, maybe she can cover the stuff he'd miss.”

Shao Fei shakes his head again. “He just started school. I can't give him this new routine and then interrupt it right away, that's not fair.”

“But Tang Yi's birthday isn't until the middle of October,” Zhao Zi says. “Xu Yang will have plenty of time to get used to things by then, so aren't you just making excuses?”

Isn't he— No, not at all! Of course that's not what he's doing! He's trying to look out for Xu Yang's best interests, that's what. It's taken them so long and so much effort to get to where they are now, how can he break all that for something like this? How can he do that to Xu Yang, how can he ask something like that of him?

Then again...if not for this, then what? If not now, then when?

Shao Fei turns back to the water heater.

“Shao Fei?”

Aren't they a family, the three of them? Isn't that what he keeps saying? And isn't this something that's important to Tang Yi? Didn't Shao Fei promise to always be there for him on his birthdays, and didn't he promise Xu Yang that he'd figure out how to fix things?

Zhao Zi sidles up carefully beside him, and Shao Fei sighs.

“I guess I am.” He turns to Zhao Zi with a faint smile. “If Xu Yang thinks he can handle it, that would definitely be the best idea.”

Nodding firmly, Zhao Zi pats him on the shoulder. “I bet he can,” he says. “He's tougher than you think.”

Shao Fei leans into the counter with a breathy laugh. Seems they could all use a reminder of that every now and again, huh?

The water heater begins to steam, and Shao Fei smiles.

“I know.”

Zhao Zi pats his shoulder again and smiles back.

Now is as good a time as any to take a chance.

***

Considering the fact that he's spent the better part of a week dedicating a fairly outlandish amount of time and attention to this whole plan, Shao Fei is profoundly tempted to think of some way to bring it up to Xu Yang over dinner that very night. Or while he's making dinner, or even before that.

Those are all awful ideas.

In order for any of this to work, Shao Fei will need to arrange with Han Ling Li to accommodate Xu Yang's missed lessons, and more importantly, he'll need to get permission from the administration to take Xu Yang home in the middle of the day. And the members of Unit Three are well accustomed to his habit of skipping out on Thursday afternoons, but he'll need to warn them of his plans to leave earlier than usual, in case they have any special concerns he needs to address ahead of time.

The point is, there's groundwork to be laid before he risks getting Xu Yang's hopes up.

In a remarkable turn of fate, he manages to arrive home just in time to catch Han Ling Li leaving the house after her and Xu Yang's Friday lesson, and he's hardly even voiced the question before she agrees to consult with Xu Yang's teachers and completely rearrange her lesson plan for the entire month of October. She even refuses his attempt to give her a bonus for all the trouble, though he suspects that's mainly an undue level of deference; he'll talk to Dao Yi about it later.

Dinner, and the preparation thereof, is a quiet affair as Shao Fei goes perhaps a bit too far out of his way to avoid bringing up the subject of Tang Yi, or birthdays, or cakes, or cooking lessons with Jack, or anything that might lead to accidentally hinting at his plans. They've had quiet meals together before, though, that's nothing too alarming.

On the weekend proper, Xu Yang spends all of Saturday resolutely focused on completing his homework so they can spend Sunday in Neihu and wander around the Dalunwei Mountain range, the lovely scenery serving to both conveniently distract Shao Fei from potentially bringing up his plan, and briefly relieve him of much of the stress of not bringing up his plan.

Finally, first thing Monday morning, Shao Fei calls the school to secure the administration's permission to take Xu Yang out of school halfway through the day for “family matters,” making a mental note to invest some time in practicing separating his home life from his work life. He'll figure it out, somehow; after all, it's never been a problem before.

Technically speaking, that might be because he's never really had a home life before that needed separating. He'll get the hang of it.

At the moment, he has a very important proposition to make.

“Xu Yang.”

Xu Yang looks up from his ginger chicken and bok choy, curious but completely unbothered, and Shao Fei can't help but smile.

“You remember when we were over at Zhao Zi and Jack's last week for French toast,” he says as he gets his expression back under control, “and we were talking about Tang Yi's birthday?”

“Outside food is only allowed on special festivals,” Xu Yang recites.

“Right.” Shao Fei nods. “Exactly, so no cake. But we said we'd figure something else out.”

Setting his chopsticks down, Xu Yang lowers his hands to his lap and shifts his weight from side to side, and Shao Fei takes a breath.

“The thing you should know,” he says, “is that Tang Yi's birthday is October twenty-first, and that's a Wednesday. And you remember visiting hours in the afternoon are only from one thirty to four.”

Xu Yang nods slowly, the hint of recognition coming into his eyes quickly balanced out by a shade of suspicion.

“I talked to Teacher Han the other day,” Shao Fei goes on, “and I called your school this morning, and if you want to, I could come pick you up at one, and we could go to see Tang Yi for his birthday. You would have to miss all your afternoon classes, but Teacher Han says she can use one of your lessons to cover the stuff you would've learned then, and the school gave permission too, so if you want, we could do that. You and me.”

Exactly as expected, Xu Yang draws his mouth taut, the line of his shoulders going tense for a second before he relaxes them and settles back into his chair. Shao Fei smiles again, picking his chopsticks up in a loose grip.

“You don't have to answer now,” he says. “October is still a little ways away, not to mention the twenty-first. I haven't said anything to Tang Yi about this, he isn't expecting anything, and it's completely fine if you don't want to. Just don't leave it until the very last second to decide, okay?”

Xu Yang lowers his eyes thoughtfully, inclining his head in the barest acknowledgment, and they sit in silence as he turns the offer over in his mind, splitting up the risks from the rewards. After a few moments' pause, Shao Fei leans back in his chair, tilting his chin forward toward his plate.

“So, the chicken's okay?”

His head snapping back up, Xu Yang puts one piece of chicken in his mouth and grabs another in his chopsticks as he chews.

Shao Fei reaches over to set a couple of leaves of bok choy on top of Xu Yang's rice with a solemn nod.

“Glad to hear it.”

Xu Yang snorts a laugh into his hand, and Shao Fei grins.

They've got time.

***

Shao Fei knows as well as anyone how single-minded he can get about something, once he's set on the trail. Cases are obviously the most likely and the most frequent targets of his focus, but as the last week and a half has clearly demonstrated, personal items aren't off the table by any stretch of the imagination.

The thing that few people realize, though, is exactly how tiring, how achingly exhausting it can be to have his attention so narrowed all of the time. Even when the situation is out of his control, the problem still lurks in the back of his mind, haunting until he can move it forward somehow, until he can make enough progress to fit all the pieces together and see the picture clearly.

The thing about this time is that he already knows the answer. He's done all he can do for now, and he knows what he has to do next, but the next step is all Xu Yang's. But Shao Fei won't be presumptuous, and he won't push; Xu Yang is a thoughtful boy, and he'll take his time, and until then, Shao Fei will let him be. It's actually kind of relaxing, in its way; he figures he has about a week's wait ahead of him, maybe two.

Or maybe more like a day.

Wednesday evening, Shao Fei walks through the door with a bag of takeout in his hand and an apology already on his lips when Xu Yang emerges from the living room with stoic resoluteness in his eyes and plants himself in the corridor to stop Shao Fei in his tracks.

“I want to visit Tang Yi on his birthday.”

It's not the greeting Shao Fei expected, that's for sure.

Blinking a couple of times, his eyes darting away, Shao Fei sidesteps into the kitchen and sets dinner on the counter.

“Okay,” he says. “Uh. Are you sure? You don't need to think about it any more?”

Xu Yang shakes his head and lifts himself up onto one of the stools by the island. “I talked to Teacher Han about it, and she said it's okay. And Zhang Qing Yuan and Xie Jian Qing said they'll help me too.”

“Did they,” Shao Fei says as he begins to unpack. “Did— Wait, who's Xie Jian Qing?”

Xu Yang sets his arms down on the island. “He's Zhang Qing Yuan's friend since first grade. He can help with history, and Zhang Qing Yuan can help with math.”

“They sound nice, I'm glad you're making friends.” Shao Fei passes Xu Yang a takeout box and goes to the cabinet for a couple of glasses. “Does that mean you told them about missing school? And how—uh.” He winces for a second, hoping he hasn't made another dramatic miscalculation. “How much did you tell them about Tang Yi?”

Pausing with his hands on top of his takeout box, Xu Yang presses his lips together and averts his gaze.

“No, it's okay,” Shao Fei hurries to reassure him. “I'm—I'm sure it's fine, I'm not mad or anything. I just didn't think you would want to bring it up, I wasn't sure if—how much you'd want anyone to know.”

Xu Yang shakes his head. “I didn't,” he says. “I only said some things.”

Of course he did. Of course. Calm down, this is nothing.

“Oh yeah?” Shao Fei opens the refrigerator and grabs a bottle of Coke. “Like what?”

Xu Yang presses his lips together again and pulls the box closer.

“I told them that you saved me,” he says to the countertop. “And that Tang Yi is far away and we have to make special trips to see him. I didn't say he's in prison,” he adds quickly, looking back up, “but I was sitting by myself at lunch, and Zhang Qing Yuan said I looked worried, and Xie Jian Qing asked what was wrong, so I told them, and they said—they said family is more important than school. And I have to go.”

Shao Fei seems to have forgotten how to move.

The refrigerator door is still open a crack. The handle is still clutched tight in his hand, it wouldn't take any effort at all to close it the rest of the way.

Curiously, Shao Fei has forgotten how to move.

Family. Shao Fei saved Xu Yang, and he and Tang Yi, they're his family.

Shao Fei has saved people before. Shao Fei is a police officer, that's his job. People have told him he's saved them, people have thanked him for saving them. Some people have even thanked him for saving them when he did nothing of the sort, when they were terrified out of their minds of no real danger.

This is.

Xu Yang was all alone in the world, and Shao Fei saved him. And they have to make special trips to see Tang Yi. Because they're family, and that's what families do.

Shao Fei shuts the refrigerator door the rest of the way and reaches into the cabinet for a couple of glasses that he sets down on the counter beside the ones he forgot he'd gotten down a minute ago.

“Oh,” he says, reaching into the cabinet to put two of the glasses back. “And you think so too?”

Xu Yang picks at the corner of his takeout box.

“I haven't seen him for a long time,” he says. “And Zhang Qing Yuan said visiting my dad on his birthday is more important than a couple of hours of school. And I know he's not, I know that's different, I told her that, but she said it doesn't matter, she said that you saved me, and that—that means...”

He trails off, still picking at his box.

Staring down at the glasses of Coke in front of him, Shao Fei wonders if he might forget how to stand, too.

A few seconds pass. Then a few more, and he thinks he might be safe to stop bracing all his weight on the counter.

“You know what Uncle Dao Yi says?” he asks, turning toward the island. “He says it's all just words. Names we call things. They mean what we want them to mean.”

Xu Yang stops picking at his box, and Shao Fei smiles.

“You're right,” he says, “adoption is different. It's complicated, and it will take a long time. We have to wait for Tang Yi to get out of prison if we want to do it right. But...family is about helping each other, and loving each other, and taking care of each other. Right?” Leaning into the island, Shao Fei ducks his head down to look Xu Yang in the eye. “And Zhang Qing Yuan sounds like a very smart girl, and it sounds like she cares about you, too. And I'm sure she didn't mean any harm when she called Tang Yi your dad.”

Xu Yang shakes his head, his eyes darting away, and Shao Fei straightens his back and sets his hands on the edge of the countertop.

“You don't have to call him that, if you don't want to. You don't have to call me that either, you don't have to call either of us anything you don't want. But...if you do,” he says, pressing his palms against the blunt edge to keep from fidgeting too much, “that's okay, too. You can. If you want to.”

Moving along in fits and starts the way they are, it stands to reason that some steps will be bigger than others. The key is to take them all in stride. Stop, look around, figure out their bearings, and start back up again.

Shao Fei taps the underside of the counter with his thumb.

The Coke fizzes and sparks as the carbonation begins to wear off, and the food is probably starting to go cold. It doesn't matter; they can heat it up again, if they have to. And there's plenty more to drink.

Xu Yang pushes his takeout box far enough away that the food won't spill down his shirt when he opens the lid.

“I want to visit on his birthday.”

Shao Fei nods.

“We can do that.”

All together now. Just keep holding on.

Chapter Text

“I'm telling you, there are easier ways to handle this!”

“And I'm telling you that using illegal tactics to ensure the parole hearing is a success defeats the purpose of being awarded parole in the first place!”

Folding her arms with a dramatic huff, Hong Ye leans back in her seat and meets Shao Fei with a sour glare.

“It's not illegal in any serious sense of the word.”

Shao Fei scoffs. “'Immoral,' then. Call it what you want, it's basically the same problem.”

“You have absolutely no taste for the practical realities of operating within the judicial system.”

“I am not going to have this argument with you again.”

Hong Ye sniffs loudly, tossing her head as Dao Yi places a fresh piece of steamed fish on her plate and Xu Yang peers across the table at her. For his part, Shao Fei can only sigh, his shoulders sagging as he slouches down in his chair. He understands her point, or at least the spirit of it, but Tang Yi's case has the potential to become so much more complicated than it is now, and there are so many additional charges that a truly committed prosecutor could uncover and try to tack on to his sentence, that the best and safest way to handle it is definitely by moving through all the proper legal channels.

Plus the fact that it's, well. Legal.

She's not really making the argument, anyway. She doesn't like to talk too plainly about how much she misses her brother, but he understands her frustration well; moving through the appropriate legal channels is the right thing to do, but it certainly isn't fast. Hong Ye is nothing if not industrious, always finding new and better ways to get what she wants, when she wants it, and she certainly isn't wrong in her argument that there are officials and attorneys who could be paid off to expedite Tang Yi's release.

There's just the fact that it's, well. Illegal.

Shao Fei clears his throat.

“It's taken us such a long time to have you two over for dinner,” he says pointedly, “you can't tell me there's nothing more interesting you want to talk about.”

Hong Ye offers him a sidelong glance before she turns back toward the table properly, focusing her attention on Xu Yang.

“Xu Yang, I haven't seen you in so long,” she says, her grin bordering on conspiratorial as she thoroughly abandons her tired argument with Shao Fei. “How have you been, has this guy been treating you well? You've started school, haven't you, that must be quite a lot.”

She's actually very good at this, Shao Fei thinks appreciatively, the quick adaptation to her circumstances and the ability to draw others in seamlessly alongside her. Tang Yi has surely been passing along to Hong Ye all the updates Shao Fei has been giving him about how Xu Yang is doing, but she knows well enough to let him tell her in his own words, to treat him with that respect. They may have met only twice before, but it's no wonder Xu Yang already likes her so much.

Setting his chopsticks down beside his plate, Xu Yang places his hands in his lap. “Everyone else in my class knows a lot more than me,” he says, “so I have to study a lot. But I'm getting better, and my friends are very helpful.”

“Friends?” Hong Ye's expression turns suddenly alert, her eyes darting to Shao Fei. “That's—lovely, what are their names?”

Oh, no. No, no. This family might have its roots in the mob and carry all the self-preservation instincts that come along with that, but they're not going to go around screening every single kid Xu Yang starts getting close to before he's allowed to let them into his life. Not if Shao Fei has anything to say about it.

Setting his hand down on the table, he fixes Hong Ye with a stern gaze. “They're his schoolmates. And they're very nice. And they're only ten years old.”

She narrows her eyes right back. “I'm simply acting with prudence,” she says. “Someone around here needs to do it, and I don't know that it should the one who has a habit of getting shot all the time.”

“Twice,” he says flatly. “Both times with good cause. And they are children.”

“One never knows.”

Dao Yi lays his hand on Hong Ye's back with a placating smile.

“I'll take care of it, Little Miss.”

Shao Fei rolls his eyes as Xu Yang looks up at him uncertainly.

“Don't worry,” Shao Fei says, “your aunt is just being a little too protective.”

It's not that he doesn't understand where she's coming from, it really isn't. But she and Tang Yi and Dao Yi have worked so hard and for so long on reforming the gang, and they've made so much progress, and Xu Yang has nothing at all to do with Xing Tian Meng, and he's burdened enough as it is, and...

Shao Fei takes a breath and sighs again. She's only trying to help.

“Zhang Qing Yuan and Xie Jian Qing.”

Startling a little, Shao Fei glances over at Xu Yang. His attention is entirely focused on Hong Ye, his eyes bright with that slightly edgy version of concession that Shao Fei remembers from after the market, those few days it took for Xu Yang to start trusting him again after their run-in with the wannabe gangsters forcibly outed Jack's and Tang Yi's own shadowed pasts. Xu Yang knows well enough that something unusual is going on, even if he doesn't know what it is, but he believes in Hong Ye and her good intentions, and her impulse to look out for him. There will be hell to pay if she abuses his faith in her, but at least this time around, Shao Fei considers himself better equipped to play damage control, if it comes to that. Which it won't, he's sure. But...all the same. Best to be prepared.

Dao Yi smiles warmly, his hand still on Hong Ye's back, and she hums under her breath, leaning forward as though they're engaging in some sort of business negotiation.

“Just those two?”

Xu Yang nods. “They've been friends for a long time, but they're very nice to me. And they're very smart. They both said they'll help me if I have questions after I miss afternoon classes.”

“You're missing afternoon classes?” she asks with an arch look in Shao Fei's direction.

Xu Yang, on the other hand, takes her suspicion in stride. “For Tang Yi's birthday,” he says. “Visiting hours are from one thirty to four.”

She's so concerned with being cautious, all prepared for the unknown, so how's that for advance notice?

Hong Ye smiles at Xu Yang, a reflexive act to cover the fact that his words have taken her by surprise, and Shao Fei raises his eyebrows with a hint of impudence. She's made it clear before that she's uncomfortable with the idea of celebrating Tang Yi's birthday, too accustomed to years of steadfastly ignoring it, but she knows well enough that Shao Fei doesn't have the same hangups; all things considered, she shouldn't have any reason to object to Xu Yang tagging along.

“We got special permission from the school,” he says. “And Xu Yang's tutor is going to make up the lessons. It's a surprise, though, so don't say anything to Tang Yi about it.”

“Because he can't have cake,” Xu Yang adds. “No outside food.”

Hong Ye's brow begins to furrow, her smile fading a bit, and Shao Fei shakes his head with a grin.

“Long story.”

“Ah.” Hong Ye looks between them for a bewildered moment before she seems to shake off her concerns, her usual smile already back in place. “I'm sure Tang Yi would much rather see you than have a cake, anyway. And next year, when he's back home for his birthday, you can give him both, that will be even better.”

Next year. Next year, for sure.

His back stiffens as Shao Fei takes a bite of water spinach, chewing it slowly. Next year, Tang Yi will be out on parole and living at home. Next year, they'll all be together. Next year, their lives will be much closer to some version of normal than they are now.

Won't they?

His eyes go out of focus for a second as he swallows. They will, of course. They absolutely will. Tang Yi's petition will be accepted, and his case will be added to the docket, and he'll have his time at the hearing, and he'll be granted his parole. He'll come home soon. Before next year, for sure.

And if he doesn't?

Shao Fei works hard to be an optimistic man, in the best and the worst of times, but confronting the reality of things, he's been a police officer for a long time. He knows the difference between how things ought to work, and how they do. He's fought to keep men in prison who have been let out too early, and to free those who end up staying in too long; he'll do everything he can for Tang Yi, as will they all, but there's only so much within their control. Only so far they can go without a little bit of luck to help them out.

“Next year will be better,” Xu Yang says.

Next year.

Xu Yang lowers his gaze to his plate as he takes a bite of rice, looking back up toward Hong Ye once he's finished chewing.

“Do you know his favorite kind of cake?”

If they're going to do this, they're going to do it properly, of course. They're going to do it right.

Hong Ye smiles warmly. “I don't think so,” she says. “All I know is what he liked when he was your age; after all this time, it's certainly changed, but you can ask him, when you go visit. I bet he'll be touched that you're thinking about these things.”

Good intentions, that's what they have now. All the best.

Shao Fei wonders if Xu Yang knows that all of their confidence, all of their bravado is just for show. He's a clever boy, and observant; he probably does. Maybe Shao Fei should tell him, though, just to be sure. Fair warning not to get his hopes up and all that.

Xu Yang takes another bite of rice and fish and nods deliberately.

“For next year,” he says. “We have lots of time.”

Of course we do. Of course.

Shao Fei sets his hand on Xu Yang's head and rubs his thumb back and forth over his hair.

“We'll figure it out.”

Raising his eyes up toward Shao Fei's hand on his head, Xu Yang nods again.

And everything will be just fine.

***

There's something relaxing about cleaning the dishes after a big meal. Something dull and tedious, to be sure, but when the whole world seems in danger of being upended by every little thing, every second of every day, a few minutes of straightforward monotony aren't so bad.

Shao Fei pours some dish soap onto a sponge and turns off the tap.

It's not that the dinner went badly, even. It didn't. He likes spending time with his sister-in-law, as she's termed them; her stubborn contrariness helps ground him, in its way, and Dao Yi's calming presence helps take the sting off when it becomes too much at once. Hong Ye doesn't mean anything by her arguments, anyway, he knows it well enough. She's as serious as Tang Yi is about reforming Xing Tian Meng, getting every trace of that corruption out of their lives. He's not really afraid that she'll ask her lawyers to do anything nefarious or underhanded; she doesn't want to fall back into that habit, that sort of life. She just wants her brother back home. He understands.

Shao Fei presses his lips together, biting down as he scrubs at a particularly sticky spot on one of the plates. How can it be that the closer they get to the end, the harder it becomes to keep waiting? He will, of course, as long as it takes, he's said as much from the start, but the shine seems to be wearing off of the possibility of parole as every day it goes unrealized hits a little bit harder, cuts a little bit deeper. Of course he knows that this is just how these things go, that Tang Yi can't be awarded something he hasn't even applied for yet, that it doesn't mean a thing, he knows all of that perfectly well, but every time he has to remind himself, the words are a little harder to hear clearly, coming from a little bit farther away.

“Will Tang Yi be home soon?”

I don't know.

No. He can't say that.

Shao Fei closes his eyes.

“I hope so.” Wringing out the sponge, he sets it down on the counter and turns around to find Xu Yang lingering in the hall. “We're all doing our best, right?”

Xu Yang pulls himself up onto a stool by the island.

“But I'm not doing anything.”

That's what's at the heart of everything, isn't it. For all of them.

When all they can do is offer their support, the promise to be there at a moment's notice as they spend their days idling around, standing by and waiting, what good are they to anyone? Throwing out words and gestures, well-intentioned theater.

Shao Fei sighs.

“I know it feels that way,” he says. “It feels like that to me too, sometimes. But it's Tang Yi who has to do a lot of the work, all the big stuff, so for you and me, and Hong Ye and Dao Yi and everyone out here trying to help, all we can do is be there for him. Calling him and visiting him, and giving him what he needs, if he asks for anything.”

Xu Yang nods a little, his eyes lowered to the countertop.

Helplessness is always such a terrible feeling, Shao Fei knows it well.

He steps forward to lean against the island.

“It is helping, though,” he says, “even if it doesn't seem like it. Prison is a really bad place to have to be, and Tang Yi needs a lot of help to keep his spirits up, and every time I visit, or Hong Ye visits, or he can talk to someone on the phone, all of that helps him out. And every time I see him, I tell him all about you, how you're doing, and that helps a lot, too, he really likes to hear about those things.”

Xu Yang nods again, even though nothing's really changed.

Shao Fei looks over his shoulder at the dishes, about half of them still left in the sink, and steps around the island to put his hand on Xu Yang's shoulder.

“Hey,” he says, “come on, let's go talk about what you're going to say to Tang Yi when you see him.”

Sliding off the stool, Xu Yang looks up at him with his eyes wide.

“Can we tell him we'll help with parole?”

Shao Fei inhales sharply, tilting his head to the side. “I know it sounded that way,” he says, “but your aunt Hong Ye was just...talking. We can ask Tang Yi if he's heard something about the next hearing, though, if you want to.” He glances down at Xu Yang as they make their way to the living room. “That's the name of the meeting where the people in charge of the prison decide who gets parole and who doesn't. If he knows anything, I'm sure he'll tell us.”

Xu Yang frowns. “How do they decide?”

Shao Fei thins his lips, just managing to bite back on the word “arbitrarily” as he urges Xu Yang toward the couch.

“Tang Yi will explain to them why he thinks he should get it,” he says, “and then they'll ask him some questions about what he says. Then some other people will be able to give their opinions about why he should get it or not, and then the people in charge will look at all of that evidence and they'll decide whether they think it's a good idea for him to go home yet.”

Nodding, Xu Yang sits down on the couch and looks at Shao Fei intently.

“What should I say?”

Oh goodness. Oh, dear.

Shao Fei sits more heavily than he intends to, suddenly losing his balance in between freezing in place and his legs going out from under him.

“I know we don't know when the hearing is,” Xu Yang says, as though that must be Shao Fei's concern. “But won't the questions be the same all the time? And we can get special permission again, so I can miss classes.”

Shao Fei clenches his teeth, tipping his head up a bit and then looking back down.

The closer they are, the harder the hits seem to come, every single one.

“They will be the same,” he says carefully, “but...this isn't like when you and I go visit Tang Yi. This is a lot more about the rules. Whether all the rules have been followed, and being in prison for this long was enough for Tang Yi to pay back what he did.”

“He did,” Xu Yang says. “They have to know he's been very good, I can tell them.”

If only things worked the way they should. If only they could be so good to us.

Shao Fei turns in his seat to face Xu Yang and sets his hand down on the cushions between them.

“I'm happy you want to help,” he says. “It means a lot to me. And it'll mean a lot to Tang Yi, too. But the people making this decision, the rules they're following say who gets to talk to them, and who they can listen to when they're deciding, and that means they can only listen to the people who got hurt by what happened. They only want to know if those people have forgiven Tang Yi, if they think he's been locked up long enough to make up for what he did to them.”

Xu Yang frowns again. “Who are they? I have to tell them.”

Who, indeed.

Isn't it a wonder, Shao Fei thinks, that the spaces in their lives that were filled with so much darkness and solitude are now so full of light? So full of love? That they've all managed to find themselves in each other, to bring out the best in one another in ways they've never been able to see on their own.

Shao Fei lifts his hand up from the cushions, reaching out to wrap his arm around Xu Yang's shoulders and pull him close, even as he feels Xu Yang turn his head to look impatiently at Shao Fei for his answer.

“It's me,” Shao Fei says. “I'm the one they'll ask.”

“But you already know Tang Yi has been doing well!” Xu Yang presses his hand to Shao Fei's chest to push him back slightly, enough to look up at him with those eager eyes of his. “You can tell them, then they have to listen. You can fix it.”

Sliding his hand from Xu Yang's shoulders, Shao Fei rubs up and down his arm for a second before he takes it back. Everyone needs to believe in a hero every now and again, even when they know better.

“I'll do my best,” he says. “My absolute best.”

Xu Yang nods again, more slowly this time.

“But...”

Shao Fei raises his eyebrows and hums under his breath, and Xu Yang's eyes slide to the coffee table before he turns them back.

“If they only want to listen to people who got hurt,” he says, “why are they asking you?”

Because...

Shao Fei scratches his nails against the couch fabric.

Because.

It's been a while now, hasn't it? Enough time for the next part of the story, enough space to breathe between the chapters. Where did they leave off last time?

Don't worry. The end is coming soon.

“Do you remember,” he starts, “I told you that Chen Wen Hao shot Tang Yi because he was angry and heartbroken? It made him panic, and he acted without thinking.”

Xu Yang nods twice, and Shao Fei nods back.

“And when Tang Yi and I found out who had really killed Tang Guo Dong and Li Li Zhen,” he says, “we both had feelings a lot like that, too. And Tang Yi had been searching for that person for so long, and he was so overwhelmed by what he had found out, that he made a very bad decision. He decided he was going to hurt the person who killed Tang Guo Dong, he thought that was the only way to fix everything.”

A shadow starts to color Xu Yang's eyes, confusion holding back his fear as he forces himself to stay where he is, to listen to the rest of the story. It won't be much longer now, and everything will be all right when it's through.

Shao Fei laces his fingers together as though he can brace himself against the rest.

“And you know I'm a police officer,” he says, “so it's my nature to protect people when I see them being hurt. I stopped Tang Yi from hurting that person, but...the thing I was most worried about was stopping Tang Yi from hurting himself. Because I know he's a good and kind man, and I love him with all my heart, and I couldn't let his fear and his anger make him into a—a sharp and ruthless blade.”

Xu Yang watches carefully until Shao Fei looks him in the eye, his smile this time a small one, touched with sorrow around the edges. Knowing how it's all turned out up to now, they can look back with dignity and grace on the choices they've made, can't they? Even the bad ones, everything that got them to where they are.

“Aunt Hong Ye said you got shot,” Xu Yang says.

His smile suddenly feeling a lot more like a grimace, Shao Fei nods again.

“That was one of the times. But I said both times were for good reasons, remember? I made sure to step right in his way, I didn't give him a choice about it, and he was... He was horrified.” Shao Fei's jaw tightens, his teeth clenching together for a moment. “It was terrible. But that person who killed Tang Guo Dong and Li Li Zhen is in prison now for a very long time, and I'm all better, and...Tang Yi will be all right, too.” He presses the pads of his thumbs together, the skin turning pale under the pressure. “He'll come home soon. And everything will be okay.”

In time. They'll get there.

Sitting back against the cushions, Xu Yang leans his head on top of the backrest, looking up at the ceiling with his darkened eyes as he turns the story over in his mind, adding it on to everything he knows and everything he's seen. Everything he feels. Beside him, Shao Fei contents himself to wait, untangling his hands from one another and leaning forward to rest his arms against his legs as he listens to the silence.

Then Xu Yang picks his head back up and looks at him, his eyes bright again, the shadows all gone away for now.

“Do you promise?”

Promise you can make all the bad things go away.

Shao Fei turns to place his hands on Xu Yang's shoulders and look him in the eye.

“I'll do my best.”

Xu Yang nods. They'll wait as long as they have to, and in the meantime, they'll do all that they can. Every little piece, every single day.

Keep looking out for that finish line.

Chapter Text

The clock has only just turned over to six when Shao Fei opens his eyes, the sun barely risen and the thready cloud cover still throwing spikes of light across the blue grey sky. This is no time to sleep in, though; he has to get to the station extra early today. Fortunately, the morning is cool and clear, and even if it is just a coincidence, it's hard not to think of it as an auspicious sign. Today isn't even a bad one to be leaving early, all things considered; Shao Fei has some reports to write and some paperwork to file, as usual, but the team is reasonably on top of their caseload, and there aren't any big meetings or conference calls he needs to attend.

By nine o'clock or so, once everyone has arrived at the station and the day gets going for real, the team is moving around the station with practiced ease, a well-oiled machine. In his office, Shao Fei sits at his desk cross-referencing his notes and double checking his sources and trying not to let himself become too distracted checking the time; his phone alarm is already set to go off at twelve thirty as a signal to go pick up Xu Yang, and they'll reach the prison in plenty of time for visiting hours. Everything is in order, there's no need to worry.

Naturally, it's around noon that the skies start pouring.

So much for good omens.

Shao Fei stands at the window, looking forlornly at the mess outside. It's not exactly the end of the world, of course; he'll be soaking wet when he arrives at the school, and likely the prison, too, but that's a pretty small price to pay, in the grand scheme of things. But still, after a month, over a month of planning, how could he have overlooked something so simple as checking the weather report, of all things? What a stupid detail to forget, and at the last minute, too.

His car isn't that far away. Who knows, maybe the storm looks worse than it really is. Maybe he won't get completely drenched.

Yeah, right.

He's halfway to the door of the precinct when a hand on his shoulder makes him pause.

“Zhao Zi?”

His friend offers him a skeptical look, holding up an umbrella as the rain drums against the front doors. Instinctively reaching to accept the offering, Shao Fei pauses just short of taking it.

“Are you sure?” He furrows his brow. “You shouldn't be walking home in the rain on my account.”

Zhao Zi shakes his head. “It's only going to rain for a couple of hours. And if it goes on longer than that, Jack can come pick me up, I'll be fine.”

“You know all that and you still brought this?” Shao Fei grabs the umbrella from Zhao Zi's hand with a grin. “You assumed I'd forget?”

“Ah...” Zhao Zi reaches up to rub the back of his head. “I didn't really. But I thought it couldn't hurt to have it, just in case.”

Shao Fei nods, not believing him for a second. “Even so. Thanks.”

Zhao Zi smiles and lowers his hand. “Tell Xu Yang I said hi?”

“Yeah, of course.” Shao Fei glances down at his watch and takes another step toward the door. “Thanks again!”

Zhao Zi waves his farewell, and Shao Fei pauses outside to open the umbrella before he runs off to his car, parked by the curb on the left.

Twelve thirty-three. Not bad, not bad; who needs some kind of good omen, anyway? Good friends are so much more reliable. Then again, maybe “reliable” is too strong a word, considering there was that whole...mountain incident, after all.

“It was nearly two years ago,” Shao Fei scolds himself as he turns on the windshield wipers. “Get over yourself, everything worked out fine.”

So there.

Shao Fei wonders if the umbrella was Jack's idea.

That's really, really not important. Shaking his head, Shao Fei resists the urge to speed toward Xu Yang's school, given that it would be doubly dangerous in the bad weather and save him maybe five minutes at best, and refuses to call it an omen of any sort, good or bad, when he finds a parking spot only a block away. The rain doesn't show any signs of stopping, but it feels like it's let up slightly since he left the station, and the walk to the school gates takes less than a minute, and there's an overhang for him to stand under to help keep him dry, and everything is fine.

Twelve fifty-seven.

“Stop it,” Shao Fei mutters, sticking his hand in his pocket to keep from checking his watch again. He's done the best he can to line up all the preparations, and a few minutes here or there aren't going to make much of a difference. So it's raining, so what? He can't control the weather, can he? Anyway, he's got his friends looking out for him, helping out when they can, and they'll make the best of it, like they always do.

He'd go on with the chastising lecture a while longer, except that the school door opens and interrupts his train of thought as Xu Yang walks out, trailed by a small girl with long hair and a fit-looking boy wearing glasses.

And who would have expected him to prepare for that?

No, it's okay. Shao Fei does his best work on the fly, anyway.

“Xu Yang,” he says, turning toward him with a grin. “No one gave you any trouble, did they?”

Shaking his head, Xu Yang steps forward to join him under the umbrella. “Teacher Xi told me 'good luck.'”

“That's kind of him.” Shao Fei raises his gaze slightly, just over Xu Yang's head. “These must be your friends?”

Clasping her hands in front of her waist, the girl lowers her eyes and bows her head. “It's very nice to meet you, sir,” she says. “My name is Zhang Qing Yuan. Thank you for letting your son be friends with me.”

Shao Fei parts his lips uncertainly at the overly formal and somewhat dated greeting, but he's saved from having to come up with a response when the boy smiles up at him.

“Hello, sir,” he says, “my name is Xie Jian Qing. We're going to share all our notes from class with Xu Yang so he doesn't miss anything.”

Xu Yang looks away toward the heavy rain as he clasps the straps of his backpack, and Shao Fei sets his free hand on top of Xu Yang's head. It's not exactly a typical “meeting the parents” type of introduction, but he's not surprised that Xu Yang is feeling shy.

“That's very nice of you,” he says. “Thank you both for taking such good care of him.”

“He works very hard,” Zhang Qing Yuan says immediately. “All the teachers are so impressed.”

“He's very good at history,” Xie Jian Qing adds. “We study together.”

Xu Yang lowers his chin and tightens his grip on his backpack, and Shao Fei ruffles his hair. The poor kid, having to listen to his friends saying such nice things about him right in front of his face.

“Is that so.” Shao Fei smiles down at the pair of them. “Now that you mention it, I seem to remember him saying that's his favorite class. I'm glad the three of you are able to help each other out!”

“He helps me out a lot,” Xie Jian Qing says. “He knows it really well.”

“I'm happy to hear that.” Shao Fei smiles at them again. “We have to leave now, and I bet you have to get back to class, too, but Xu Yang will see you again tomorrow.”

Zhang Qing Yuan clasps her hands again and bows, her whole body this time. “It was nice to meet you, sir!”

“Uh—you really don't...”

Xie Jian Qing shakes his head minutely, and Shao Fei raises his eyebrows; these kids are characters, that's for sure. It's weirdly comforting to know that Xu Yang has people like them around to look out for him when Shao Fei can't be there himself.

“It was nice to meet you both, too.”

Xu Yang edges closer under the umbrella, and his friends call out their goodbyes as they hurry back inside.

“I didn't ask them to come,” he says to the ground after the door swings shut. “They said they really wanted to meet you.”

That explains that, at least. Shao Fei lays his hand on Xu Yang's back, biting down on a laugh as they start walking down the block.

“I don't mind,” he says. “They think pretty highly of you, huh?”

Xu Yang shrugs, and Shao Fei puts his arm around his shoulders. They don't need to get into all that right now; today is a big enough day as it is without any other unexpected happenings weighing down on their minds.

“Okay. Well, I don't think we'll run into much traffic around this time of day, so we should get to the prison in plenty of time.”

As expected, Xu Yang jumps on the distraction without hesitation, loosening his grip on his backpack straps and standing up a little straighter as he lengthens his strides to better match Shao Fei's. Shao Fei can't be sure whether the brief disquiet was sparked by his friends insisting on introducing themselves or his embarrassment at their praise, but either way, discussing their visit to the prison is safe enough ground to get him back to his comfort zone until they make it back to the car.

They lead interesting lives, there's no denying it.

“I know you haven't been to the prison in a while,” Shao Fei says, setting Zhao Zi's umbrella down in the opposite footwell as Xu Yang pushes his backpack over into the middle seat and shuts his door. “Are you feeling okay about it? Do you have any questions about anything?”

Reaching for the seat belt to buckle himself in, Xu Yang shakes his head. “I remember. But—do I have to change my clothes?”

“Hm?” Shao Fei glances into the rear view mirror. “I don't think so, is something wrong with your uniform?”

Xu Yang twists around a little and adjusts the hem of his tucked-in shirt. “No.”

Where is this sudden concern over appearances coming from? Sure, Xu Yang has nicer clothes at home, but Hong Ye was the one to insist on dragging him out and buying them for him, and of all places, the prison must be the last one where he'd need to be worried about looking his very best.

That is, unless it's a special someone's birthday.

Shao Fei smiles as he pulls out into the road. As long as Xu Yang isn't in a numbered jumpsuit, Tang Yi won't even slightly care what he's wearing, whether it's a tailored tuxedo or his bathrobe and pajamas. When it comes right down to it, he'll probably be too surprised seeing Xu Yang in the first place to even notice a detail like that.

“Everything will be fine,” he says. “Tang Yi will be happy to see you no matter what, I'm sure of it.”

Reaching up to grab his seat belt, Xu Yang leans back and tilts his head to look out the window as he begins to lose himself in his thoughts. And maybe it's the sound of the rain pelting down keeping him distracted, or the fact that he knows it's not coming from a place of ill intent, but Shao Fei finds that for once, he doesn't mind the silence in the car so much.

The prison comes into view in time, appearing from the opposite direction of the one he's used to, and Shao Fei drives down to the next traffic light and turns around to approach again from the other side. Xu Yang picks his head up, curious and alert, but he doesn't say anything, which is probably for the best. Shao Fei doesn't really have an explanation.

“All right,” he says as he pulls up to the curb and puts the car into park. “You ready?”

Nodding, Xu Yang unbuckles his seat belt, taking hold of the door handle and even starting to pull it open before he raises his eyes up to the sky and the rain still falling heavily on the pavement below.

“Oh, hang on,” Shao Fei says, reaching for Zhao Zi's umbrella, “I'll be right there.”

Shao Fei hurries around to the back passenger seat to open Xu Yang's door for him, ushering him around to sidewalk and locking the car up behind them. Xu Yang sticks close as they walk to the door, forcing them into an awkward sort of gait as they try to keep dry, but at least the only real casualty between the two of them is the cuffs of Shao Fei's pants.

“Officer Tsai!” Shao Fei greets as he closes the umbrella and shakes the water off onto the floor. “Are you surprised to see us today?”

“Surprised to see your names on the registration list,” Officer Tsai says dryly, “but that you're on time, not at all. Xu Yang,” he raises his voice slightly, “it's been a while; I'm not going to find out that you're skipping school to be here, am I?”

Keeping close to Shao Fei as they near the visitor's counter, Xu Yang vehemently shakes his head.

“They said I could,” he says. “We asked the school, and they said it was okay.”

Officer Tsai grunts under his breath, taking Shao Fei's ID and entering something into the computer without seeming to pay too much attention. “So long as the two of you are keeping each other in line,” he says as he hands Shao Fei's ID back, “we shouldn't have any trouble.”

“No, sir.” Shao Fei grins, sliding his ID back into his wallet. “No trouble at all.”

“You've been here enough times, I'd think you'd know better than to say a thing like that.”

“I'm sure you have everything well in hand.”

Officer Tsai looks at him askance. “Speaking of which, Captain, you can't expect to take that thing in with you.”

Shao Fei look down at the umbrella propped against the desk, much too large to fit into the square lockers lining the wall. “I don't suppose you'd be willing to make an exception?”

“I don't suppose you want to be thrown out for trying to bring in contraband.”

Smiling grimly, Shao Fei picks the umbrella back up and turns toward the door. All these little forgotten details keep on piling up and up; well, it's not that far back to the car, really. Surely he won't get that wet.

Xu Yang looks up at him nervously, and Officer Tsai affects a weary sigh.

“Hand it over.”

“Huh?”

Turning back to the desk, Shao Fei finds Officer Tsai holding his hand out, his eyes still firmly locked on his computer screen.

“I won't make any promises if you forget to pick it up when you leave.”

Shao Fei sets the umbrella onto his waiting palm with a grin, bowing his head contritely as he sidesteps to the door beside the desk. Xu Yang waves to Officer Tsai, earning himself a little smile, and follows Shao Fei into the hall to the visitation room, grabbing his hand seemingly out of habit as they walk.

“You want to go first,” Shao Fei asks, “or should I start?”

Biting his lip, Xu Yang lowers his gaze to the ground, swinging his and Shao Fei's hands a bit. Shao Fei looks down at him with an encouraging hum, but Xu Yang keeps his eyes down, tipping his head to the side, and it isn't until they reach the door that he makes his decision.

“I want to.”

Shao Fei smiles. That sounds about right.

“I'll be right behind you.”

Xu Yang grabs the door handle, taking one last look up at Shao Fei before he pushes it open. It's early still, and a Wednesday no less, so it's no surprise that there are only two other visitors in the room, one at the window farthest from the door and the other at the window closest. Both of them speak in hushed voices, the closer one with a hitch in her voice and tears in her eyes, her hand cupped around the mouthpiece of her phone; Shao Fei averts his eyes as they pass on by, but she doesn't seem to notice.

At the center window, Xu Yang sits down in the cheap metal chair, exactly as he used to every Thursday afternoon, and settles back to wait, the way they have to do. Placing his hands behind his back, Shao Fei makes to lean against the wall until the instant his shoulder blades touch the plaster and he remembers that such things are generally frowned upon. After all of this, wouldn't that be some kind of birthday present, getting thrown out on the basis of bad decorum? Xu Yang would never let him live it down.

A few minutes later, not the shortest time he's ever had to wait but still shorter than most, the prison door opens, the guard holding it snapping something to the prisoner behind him. Shao Fei frowns as the guard reaches back, grabbing whoever is standing there and shifting his weight to haul him through the doorway.

Seems that someone forgot to tell Tang Yi they were coming.

The moment his eyes land on Xu Yang, Tang Yi hurries forward as fast as he can down the narrow corridor, fumbling to pick up the phone and blurt out some distressed greeting.

Xu Yang ignores his words completely.

“What happened to your arm?”

Glancing down at his right forearm, at the bandages wrapped around it that Shao Fei hadn't seen at first, Tang Yi starts to lift it before he gives up on the motion, dropping it back to the table quickly and leaning forward, his bright eyes narrowed as he seems to repeat whatever he said when he first arrived.

“Nothing,” Xu Yang says. “Everyone is okay except for you, what happened to your arm?”

Tang Yi's expression doesn't much change even as his words seem to, but Xu Yang only shakes his head.

“You first.”

Shao Fei steps forward, pretty interested to hear the explanation for this one himself, as Tang Yi presses his lips together and sighs. His eyes soften, finally, as he begins talking again, his tone seemingly more controlled this time until he tries to raise his injured arm in front of his face and nearly jerks the telephone receiver into his chin.

As Tang Yi scowls at the phone, Xu Yang grips the edge of the table and leans forward.

“Are they gangsters?”

That's not the most encouraging of questions. Lowering his free hand and adjusting the phone back to his ear, Tang Yi shakes his head, likely for Shao Fei's benefit, and says something that makes Xu Yang frown again.

“Were you behaving badly?” he asks. “Will they still let you have parole?”

Shao Fei can't help but think he looks less confident than he did a moment ago, but Tang Yi shakes his head again all the same before he offers his assurances. The words don't seem to put Xu Yang's mind completely at ease, somehow, as he purses his lips and rests his weight on his elbows.

“Eat lots of calcium and vitamin D,” he says. “And protein. And put ice on it three times a day for two weeks.”

Doctor's orders.

Shao Fei smiles as Tang Yi nods hesitantly, glancing past Xu Yang as though Shao Fei might interrupt with an explanation for the impromptu instructions. Sorry, no chance on that one; Shao Fei will wait his proper turn.

Seeming to get the message, Tang Yi turns back to Xu Yang and says something that makes him raise his eyebrows.

“No,” Xu Yang says. “I wanted to come and say happy birthday.”

Never saw that one coming in a million years, did you?

Actually, it seems like he didn't. Tang Yi looks downright baffled, his eyes widening and his jaw going slack, and whatever he says next puts a nervous expression on Xu Yang's face as he glances over his shoulder toward Shao Fei.

“He said,” he says. “October twenty-first. And I checked the calendar this morning to make sure that's today.”

Leaning back in his chair, looking off to the side, Tang Yi smiles a tremulous little smile before he turns back and says something that looks an awful lot like “Thank you.” Xu Yang smiles back until something seems to occur to him, a deep crease lining his brow.

“Did you forget?”

His smile thins as Tang Yi shakes his head, and Shao Fei has to wonder how he'll try to explain that time passes differently in this place, that things like dates aren't so important in this world where his life is scheduled down to the minute by forces well out of his control. That even the length of a single day doesn't really matter until he has something real to make them worth counting down. Something worth waiting for.

He doesn't say much, in the end, but it seems to be enough.

“It is,” Xu Yang says when he's through. “We wanted to bring you a present, but they're not allowed.”

Tang Yi smiles again, his eyes crinkling as he gives his answer, and Xu Yang cocks his head and raises his eyes contemplatively toward the ceiling.

“We went to the bookstore last week,” he says after a moment. “I got a history book. And I got another one that's kind of a history book but not exactly, about real people and real things they did, except there are some stories in it that I don't know how anyone would know about because they happened so long ago and no one wrote them down, so I think those parts might be made up. And we got a black book with a picture of some rocks on it, and then a white one that has the title on the cover and no pictures, but I don't know what they're about. And then when we were leaving, the store cat followed us outside and he climbed up on my shoulders.”

Tang Yi laughs gently, and Shao Fei crosses his arms over his chest, scratching at the crook of his elbow to distract himself from the memory of the sound echoing so perfectly in his ears. This is far from what he imagined when he made that promise, that careless wish to stand by Tang Yi for all his birthdays in the future, but it's the best they can do for now. And maybe that's not too bad, when it comes right down to it.

Tang Yi says something that makes Xu Yang smile, then something else that makes his smile stutter, slip and fade away as he tucks his free arm close to his chest. The silence settles in around them, a trembling blanket tossed over the other visitors still murmuring at the corners of the room, and it's only Tang Yi's patient gaze that keeps Shao Fei from stepping forward to offer his help. Xu Yang can find his words in his own time.

Finally, he looks up with that familiar resoluteness in his eyes, and Shao Fei touches the wall with his fingertips to hold himself steady.

“Family is about helping each other,” Xu Yang says, his words a little clipped, carefully planned, achingly sincere.

Tang Yi nods. Take your time.

Xu Yang takes a quiet breath and tries again.

“I can't do a lot to help you,” he starts over. “I'm not allowed to go to the hearing, when they decide about parole. And I have to go to school, so I can't come visit very much. Even though I want to. And family is about caring about each other, and I care about you, and he— My—” Xu Yang shifts in his chair, making a faltering gesture toward Shao Fei. “He said it's okay if I want to call you my dad. And him too. But I don't want you to be mad, so I want to ask you first.”

Closing his mouth tight, frozen at the edge of his seat, Xu Yang clasps the phone in both hands and looks through the window, unblinking, expressionless. However this turns out, whatever Tang Yi says, he'll be ready. He's said his piece. He knows where he stands. It'll all be fine.

Shao Fei wishes he could say the same of himself.

He thought nothing of it, when Xu Yang didn't take him up on his offer back then. Too much, too fast, that was surely how it seemed, forcing the pieces into place before the outlines were clearly defined. They understand one another, is the important thing, they know who they are, and they can take their time putting it into words, waiting on one another as long as they need.

That's not what this is at all.

They're a family, the three of them. And family doesn't leave anyone behind.

Tang Yi looks through the dirty glass at Xu Yang, at Shao Fei, astonished, elated, terrified, who knows, maybe everything all at once. Shao Fei tries to smile like he knew this was coming, like he hasn't been blindsided by the question just the same, and Xu Yang sits at the edge of his chair, clutching the phone in both of his hands.

A beat passes, and Tang Yi nods.

Whatever words he speaks next, Xu Yang nods, too, and holds the phone tighter still.

“Okay,” he says. “You promise?”

Tang Yi says something else, and Xu Yang loosens his grip a bit.

“Okay,” he says, “I will. But that's not the only reason, though, I don't think I would have been allowed to come except that it's your birthday.”

Dropping his head down, Tang Yi ruffles his fingers through his hair and looks up with another smile, his next words making Xu Yang lean forward as that crease deepens again between his eyes.

“I wish you weren't hurt,” he says. “I wish you didn't get into fights.”

Tang Yi sighs.

After another moment or two, one last promise, one last reassurance, Xu Yang lowers the receiver from his ear and turns around.

“It's your turn.”

Shao Fei steps away from the wall. “You sure?”

Xu Yang nods, holding out the phone.

“But I want to say goodbye before we leave.”

Taking Xu Yang's place in the aluminum chair, Shao Fei nods as he accepts the phone. “I think we can manage that.”

Xu Yang steps aside to position himself behind Shao Fei, slightly to the left, and settles in to wait.

Shao Fei cradles the receiver to his ear and rests his elbow on the table.

“Hi.”

Tang Yi shifts his weight, straightening up in his seat.

“Things are going well, I see.”

Shao Fei quirks his lips. “By some measures, you could say. I'm sorry I didn't tell you about any of that, I didn't think—”

“Shao Fei.”

Shao Fei shuts his mouth as Tang Yi smiles.

“This is a lovely birthday present.”

Shao Fei breaks into a smile of his own.

“Good. But—what was that,” he nudges his arm toward the door into the prison as his smile disappears, “when you first came in? What did you think was going on? And how did you get hurt?”

“Self defense,” Tang Yi assures him. “I was assaulted by some other prisoners, they managed to get a couple of hits in before we were separated. As for that guard just now, no one told me who was visiting, only that I had someone who wanted to see me. Since Hong Ye usually visits on the weekends, and it hasn't been a full week since you were here last, I didn't know what to expect.”

There's no need to keep track of things as precise as dates, in here, but to live without any time at all would surely drive a man to madness. How do others do it? Maybe it's the first question they ask on the phone when someone calls, “What day is it today?” Or maybe they resign themselves to the loss of it all, giving in to the fiction of time itself.

Tang Yi, though. Tang Yi has Shao Fei to keep him above the fray.

Shao Fei sinks into his shoulders a little ways.

“You had no idea at all?”

Tang Yi shakes his head. “None. I'm very happy to see you both, of course, although now that I think of it, if it is October twenty-first today, there's something I ought to tell you.”

“Hm?” Shao Fei arches his eyebrows. “Something like what?”

Twisting his hands around, Tang Yi presses his fingertips into his palm, a pale substitute for drumming them against the table but stalling the conversation just the same, biding about the same amount of time for him to gather his thoughts.

“I've been working with my lawyers,” he says, “and some time ago, we submitted notice of my intention to appear at the next parole hearing.”

“You what?” Shao Fei leans forward, the edge of the table pressing against his stomach. He wouldn't be saying as much if it wasn't good news, would he? He wouldn't offer such a tease.

Tang Yi's eyes dart to Xu Yang for an instant before he answers, making sure to keep his expression stoically neutral.

“I'm sure it comes as no surprise to you that I was denied for October, but I learned recently that I've been granted time to argue my petition in November.”

November. November is only a week and a half away, coming up so fast already, and then it'll only be a few days until the hearing, and then maybe—maybe—

Shao Fei bites down on the inside of his cheek. Maybe, maybe not. A chance, not a certainty. This is absolutely the wrong time to get anyone's hopes up.

“I'm glad to hear it,” he says, hoping Tang Yi knows well enough to read between the lines of his excitement, his pride. “Of course I'll do whatever I can.”

“Mm.” Tang Yi presses his lips into a line and breathes out softly. “Your testimony will certainly be invaluable.”

“I'm not so sure about that, but I'll do my best to speak well.”

Tang Yi smiles tenderly, his whole bearing seeming relaxed in a way Shao Fei hasn't seen in a long time. Well, sure; they all find their moments of solace where they can. There aren't many, but now and again, something comes along that's hard to miss.

“Should we tell him?”

Shao Fei purses his lips hesitantly. Of course they should, of course they have to; can he handle it, is the real question. Will he understand the truth of it, everything this is and everything it isn't.

But whatever happens, family doesn't leave anyone behind.

“I will,” he says. “I don't think we have a choice, do you?”

Tang Yi shakes his head.

“No.”

After everything they've been through, everything that's gotten them to where they are. Every trial and every mistake, every wrong move and every right one, don't they owe it to one another to be honest? Above all else.

Shao Fei edges his hand closer to the divider between them, the seam of the dirty window.

“Happy birthday, Tang Yi.”

Here's to all of our better days still to come.

Chapter Text

Shao Fei doesn't know why they were so worried.

No, that's not true. He knows exactly why they were worried, and they were perfectly within their rights to be, too. No matter how many times he tells Xu Yang that the hearing isn't a guarantee of anything, no matter how much they all believe that Tang Yi deserves to have his parole granted, no matter how persistently Xu Yang says he understands, there's no denying that stumbling into the reality of it, landing with it finally within their grasp, makes this into a different game altogether.

As it happens, though, even after all their completely justified worrying, Xu Yang is far less concerned with the long shot that is a parole hearing than he is with why Shao Fei waited until Sunday evening to tell him about it.

“I didn't want you to get your hopes up,” Shao Fei says, which doesn't feel completely like the truth, but might be part of it.

Xu Yang sets his arms down on the kitchen island and leans forward in his seat. “I know they might not give it to him,” he says. “He still has to tell them why they should. And you have to tell them how good he's been, and that you forgive him, and then they still have to agree with you.”

Shao Fei sighs, his shoulders dropping down and his head suddenly feeling a lot heavier.

“You're right,” he says. “That's exactly what's going to happen next.”

“I know.” Xu Yang frowns. “You told me before. Lots of times.”

That's...true. Shao Fei raises his hand to the back of his neck and slides it up to sift his hair through his fingers.

“I guess I did. I'm sorry I didn't tell you sooner about the parole hearing, I should have said something right away after we left the prison.”

“Maybe not right away.” Xu Yang shifts his weight over to the right. “You probably should have waited at least until we got home.”

Shao Fei grins.

“Fair enough. But I promise won't wait so long to tell you when I find out when the hearing is, how about that?”

Xu Yang nods. “First thing.”

Humming agreeably, Shao Fei opens the refrigerator door and pulls out a package of pork and some hot green peppers. There's no telling when the next parole hearing will be scheduled, but it can't be too far away. November is coming up so soon, it definitely won't be long.

They're ready for anything.

***

In retrospect, Shao Fei should have seen this coming. Thinking about it practically, Unit Three has been coasting on a manageable caseload for far too long.

Still, when Interpol calls without warning at nine thirty sharp Monday morning, he can't say he isn't thrown for a bit of a loop. Hanging up the phone after listening to a rather lengthy yet somehow still incredibly vague description of a money laundering case that seems to have spiraled wildly out of control, he finds his mind drifting back to his first cooperative job with the International Police so many years ago; it was so thrilling at the time, such an honor to be selected to work with such a far-reaching organization. Now, poring over the files upon files arriving in his inbox, all that honor feels a whole lot more like he's being picked on. Gang infiltration, undercover work, dummy accounts, shell corporations... Shao Fei heaves a sigh, leaning back in his chair and staring up at the ceiling. The paperwork generated by this case alone will last him until his retirement.

Then again, what good is being captain if he can't delegate to his subordinates?

Sitting back up, Shao Fei rests his forehead in his palms with another sigh. No, no, they'll all do their fair share. These projects always seem endless at the outset, but somehow everything still gets done in the end. They'll handle it; they always do.

Shao Fei closes each document as he sends it to the printer, finally ending up back in the browser window he's had open since the moment he first sat down at his desk. Surprise, surprise, the November dates on the parole calendar haven't populated yet; refreshing the page just in case, he tells himself not to be too disappointed when the results don't change. November itself isn't for a few days yet, and this is one of those details that always seems to fall through the cracks. It doesn't mean anything.

By the time his stomach starts rumbling for lunch, Shao Fei has already made it through about two thirds of the intelligence Interpol dropped on his plate, begun mapping out his own counter-proposals to some of their more outrageous plans, and fruitlessly refreshed the parole calendar three times. Not too bad, if he does say so himself.

Maybe the “fruitlessly” part isn't so great, but he's doing his best.

Out in the main area of the precinct, Yu Qi and Zhao Zi sit at the communal table, she with a takeout box from a convenience store she passes by every day on her way to work and he with a sizable tin absolutely packed with all sorts of colorful dishes. Shao Fei tries to quell his momentary stab of envy with a smile as he turns on the water heater and reaches into the cabinet for a cup of instant noodles; this isn't the first time he's felt some sort of way about Jack and Zhao Zi enjoying such an easygoing life together after everything they all went through, and it probably won't be the last.

It'll pass. It always does.

“Senior,” Yu Qi says in that cheerful, if slightly stressed tone of hers, “I finished all of my reports on the shooting at the convention center. All the counterfeit product has been accounted for, and I checked with the hospital, the victims are all expected to make full recoveries.”

“Oh?” Shao Fei turns and leans against the edge of the sink. “Good work, that's good to hear. Song Wei helped you with that, didn't he?”

Picking up a piece of pork in her chopsticks, Yu Qi wrinkles her nose. “If you can call it that. He still thinks police work is thirty percent paperwork and seventy percent running after bad guys, instead of the other way around.”

“You'll bring him into line,” Zhao Zi says. “You just have to be patient, that's all.”

Yu Qi sighs, and Shao Fei has to grin. Like it or not, that's the name of the game all around.

“Shao Fei,” Zhao Zi says as the water heater begins to steam, “any more news about the hearing?”

“Mn.” Shao Fei pours hot water into his noodle cup and sets the heater back down to fish out his cell phone, flipping immediately to the prison website. “Not yet, but—”

The prison calendar refreshes, and Shao Fei abruptly forgets about his lunch.

After a moment, Zhao Zi leans forward hesitantly, waving his hand in Shao Fei's direction.

“Shao Fei?”

“Huh?”

Shao Fei looks up with a start, and Zhao Zi sits back down, holding his chopsticks tight in his fist.

“Is everything okay?”

“Yeah,” Shao Fei says. “Uh. They just posted the dates for the rest of the year.”

“Oh!” Yu Qi straightens up in her seat, her eyes bright. “When is it, is it soon?”

Shao Fei stares absently at the screen.

“It's next Tuesday.”

The silence weighs down on them as Yu Qi and Zhao Zi look at each other, then back at Shao Fei.

Zhao Zi sets his chopsticks down.

“That's...so soon.”

Yu Qi nods fervently.

“Can they do that?”

No. No, they can't. Unless Tang Yi and his lawyers submitted his application much earlier than he implied— Turned down for October, that's what he said, and how does Shao Fei know, how does he really know that Hong Ye had nothing to do with it, that they acted completely above board? What proof does he have?

Stop it. Stop it right now. Tang Yi's lawyers are the best in all of Taiwan, and he pays them top dollar to perform these kinds of miracles. “I learned recently,” that's how Tang Yi put it, and how long did it take to get to that point? How many endless days, how many sleepless nights? How much suffering did he try to spare Shao Fei, not telling him about it all until there was something worth telling? What could Shao Fei have done, anyway, just worried alongside him, that's all, and who would that have helped? No one, that's who. Besides, it's done now, no backing down, and they have more important things to worry about.

Blinking at the screen one last time, Shao Fei turns it off again and and slips the phone back into his pocket. “I—I have to tell Xu Yang.”

“Now?” Zhao Zi frowns. “Isn't he in class?”

“I...”

Yes. Yes, he is. So maybe it won't be “first thing,” but Shao Fei will tell him right when he gets home tonight. A few hours won't make much difference either way. He'll understand. It's fine.

“It's only a week away,” Yu Qi says. “Will you be able to prepare in time?”

All at once, his mind fills with the stacks of work piled on his desk, Interpol's new job that he hasn't even told the rest of the team about yet, that he's only just begun to understand himself. The petty larceny ring they broke up last week, all the suspects who still need to be questioned and a couple in the holding cells who haven't even been processed yet. That prisoner's daughter who was kidnapped by some desperate drug runner and then rescued from an abandoned building in their jurisdiction by an off-duty technical specialist from another precinct entirely.

The parole hearing scheduled for next Tuesday.

Shao Fei shakes his head.

“It's not like I have a choice.”

Yu Qi and Zhao Zi exchange another unsettled look, and Shao Fei forces himself to smile again as he picks up his noodle cup.

“I've testified lots of times,” he says, taking a seat across from them. “I know how this works, and I know Tang Yi's case inside and out. I'll talk to his lawyers beforehand to make sure we're all on the same page, but there's nothing the board can ask that will surprise me, I'm sure of it.”

Absolutely sure.

Yu Qi smiles weakly, and Zhao Zi takes a big bite out of his lunch.

It's fine. Anyway, the important thing is that Shao Fei believes it, so that's all that matters. And he does believe it. Really.

They'll be ready for anything.

***

Thursday afternoon, Tang Yi arrives in the visitation room with dark circles under his eyes and a faintly sallow tinge to his skin, and Shao Fei presses his palm to the glass between them as though he might be able to reach right through it, as though he might be able to set his hand at the stark juncture of Tang Yi's shoulder, to cradle his face and run his thumb along the jut of his cheekbone. Instead, he talks emphatically, fifty-four minutes straight about lots of things and nothing at all, and Tang Yi smiles, holding the telephone receiver in such a way that makes it a little easier to cover his mouth every time he can't bite down on a yawn.

Thursday night, Shao Fei stays at the precinct working late, stumbling home a little after eleven and struggling to ignore the chorus of whatever song it is that's stuck in his head on a loop as he tries to remember what ingredients they have lying around that might make for a quick dinner. Picking up a knob of ginger, he's just begun to convince himself that it might be enough on its own to season a pot of water for soup when Xu Yang comes out of his room, clutching his little stuffed pig as he quietly informs Shao Fei that he made himself fried rice with some chicken that was on the bottom shelf in the refrigerator, and it wasn't as good as when he makes it with Jack, but it wasn't bad for his first time by himself, and at least he isn't hungry anymore.

Shao Fei kneels down to wrap him in a hug, and sends him off to bed.

***

Tuesday is much too soon, isn't it? When he thinks about it. Not that that changes the reality of things, but. Isn't it?

Nevertheless.

The hearing is scheduled for ten twenty.

At ten fifteen, Shao Fei arrives at the Office of the Parole Board and sits in a chair near the front entrance. There's another chair beside him, and one sort of across the way; this may be meant to be a waiting area, or a temporary stand-in. The parole board likely doesn't have much need for such a thing most of the time.

The woman sitting at the front desk looks up at him a couple of times while he waits. It's difficult to tell whether she's trying to be subtle and failing spectacularly, or doesn't particularly care that he sees her; either way, he doesn't mind. Most police officers testifying in regards to parole applications probably don't bother to show up in full dress uniform.

Ten seventeen. Shao Fei reaches up to flatten his palm against that one errant curl that always persists in flipping away from his head and wonders if he should have spent some more time combing his hair. Would it make any sort of difference? Not likely. But doesn't every little bit help? That might be nice, if it were true. Really, though, the board is probably too distracted to care. Probably too distracted to notice. He's just here as an addendum, anyway. A side story.

Ten nineteen. A prisoner walks past toward the door, his hands shackled at his waist and his eyes cast down low. Things must not have gone well for him in there, poor guy. Then again, maybe he deserves what's coming to him, whatever it is.

Shao Fei clears his throat.

The minutes pass on by, one, two, three. It's fine, though; he understands how it is. Nothing in this world moves on time.

When the door opens again, finally, when it's Tang Yi who walks through, his back stiff and his face blank and a little pale, Shao Fei finds himself standing at once, clenching his fists tight to stop himself from reaching out, holding on, pulling him close, running away and never looking back. Tang Yi only keeps his eyes fixed straight ahead as a guard ushers him along and one of his lawyers trails behind with a sturdy black briefcase clutched in his hand. Taking his cue, Shao Fei follows along at a bit of a distance; it isn't far to the hearing room, just down the hall a little ways. He could see the door from his seat.

It doesn't look like anyone else is coming.

No, well. Who would.

Shao Fei shuts the door behind him.

The room is one of the bigger ones Shao Fei has ever seen for a parole hearing, only in that it's noticeably larger than a decent-sized supply closet. In truth, it's nothing special; more a multipurpose conference room than a formal setting, it makes no pretense of being anything other than exactly what it is. Whatever space happened to be available, that is. Maybe tomorrow, someone will stand at the whiteboard and give a presentation about recidivism statistics.

Today, though, today, when it matters, seven men in heavy suits sit with their backs to the far wall, their hands folded on the long table before them as they peer apathetically at Tang Yi, standing beside the chair where he's clearly meant to sit, the pedestal meant for him to put himself on display. The guard withdraws to the corner to lean against the wall, and Shao Fei sits in the chair furthest to the left, the only one where he can clearly see the side of Tang Yi's face.

The man in the best-fitting suit drags his finger down a clipboard on the table and pushes a pair of half-moon glasses up his nose.

“Prisoner,” he says, “state your name for the record.”

Tang Yi glances down at the chair and laces his fingers together in front of him.

“Tang Yi,” he says.

The man clears his throat into his fist.

“Prisoner Tang Yi,” he says. “You are currently incarcerated for the battery of Officer...Ah Zhi, and the shooting of Officer Meng Shao Fei.”

Tang Yi dips his head down as one of the other men scribbles something on a notepad.

“Yes.”

“Mm.” The first man flips open a manila folder laid out in front of him and fans through the pages. “Aside from apparently not instigating any conflicts, your behavior under incarceration seems to be rather unremarkable; I don't see any evidence of vocational training, how do you intend to support yourself outside of prison?”

Tang Yi looks evenly at the man interrogating him, or a spot somewhere above his head.

“I have Master's Degree in Business from National Taiwan University, and Shi Hai Corporation has offered me assurance of employment following my release.”

“Liu Zong Kang,” the lawyer cuts in, “attorney for the prisoner. For the convenience of the board, we have for submission a signed testimonial from the CEO of Shi Hai Corporation attesting to the company's offer of employment.”

The man with the half-moon glasses nods to one of his colleagues, who stands and leans forward to accept the document without looking twice before he hands it over.

Shao Fei grips the sides of his chair.

“We'll be confirming the authenticity of this offer at a later date,” the man says as he slides it into the back of the manila folder.

Tang Yi dips his head again, a bare acknowledgment, and the man tents his fingers in front of his chest.

“Shall I assume the company has thus seen fit to provide you with appropriate residency during your tenure there?”

Shao Fei smiles thinly, but Tang Yi only stiffens his spine.

“I have no concerns in regard to my residence.”

“A copy of the household registration,” Liu Zong Kang says, “for the location of Tang Yi's intended residency subsequent to his release.”

The same colleague stands to receive the registration, handing it over in the same deferential manner, and the man in the half-moon glasses raises his eyebrows as he skims the page.

“Meng Shao Fei,” he says. “The same man who suffered the consequences of the crime for which you've been incarcerated, he intends to take you into his home?”

Shao Fei perks up as Tang Yi nods slowly, his nails pressing lightly against the backs of his knuckles.

“I am confident that he does.”

“And why is that,” the man says, “did you threaten him?”

Tang Yi's lips pinch as he bites his tongue with the effort of controlling himself, just beginning to take a breath to answer when Shao Fei instinctively raises his hand and lifts himself partway out of his chair.

“I'm Meng Shao Fei,” he says as Liu Zong Kang glances back at him. “Sir. And, I will attest that Tang Yi has not threatened or coerced me in any way into taking him into my home.”

His home, in fact. Our home.

Best not to get into that for now.

“I see,” the man says, glancing down at the registration again. “And—Xu Yang, who is that? Is Officer Meng running some sort of boarding house for transients?”

The very nerve of this asshole, this disrespectful man holding Tang Yi's life in his hands! Does he have even the slightest idea the effect he's having, the minefield he's dancing in?

“Xu Yang is our—”

Liu Zong Kang shakes his head hastily, and Shao Fei shuts his mouth, his eyes narrowing. Without an adoption certificate or birth record, claiming Xu Yang as their son will doubtless raise more questions than they have answers for and only compound the difficulties of passing this hearing, not to mention the problems it might cause down the line when they attempt to go through with the adoption for real.

Shao Fei falls back into his seat.

“I am his legal guardian.”

The man in the most ill-fitting suit scribbles on his notepad, and the one in the half-moon glasses tents his fingers again.

What good would it do to explain? None, that's what. Will this bastard be able to use it to keep Tang Yi behind bars for another year? Then he doesn't want to hear it.

Tang Yi sighs.

Shao Fei pins his hands between his knees.

“We will be conducting independent investigations into all of these claims,” the man says eventually. “Now, as for the next stage of these proceedings.”

Two of the other men pull notepads across the table toward themselves, and one clicks a retractable pen.

“Additional supporting testimonials and affidavits,” Liu Zong Kang interrupts, procuring a sheaf of documents seemingly out of nowhere. “Notarized documentation of Tang Yi's behavior and performance during incarceration, character witness statements from multiple individuals who have had regular contact with him during that period, and testimony of their intention to continue serving as his support network subsequent to his release.”

The same man as before rises to accept them, setting them down at the end of the table too far off for any of them to read.

No pretenses this time. Thank you for your submission, we'll get to it when we get to it.

The man in the half-moon glasses looks at Liu Zong Kang as though he's just scraped him off the bottom of his shoe.

“Accepted into evidence,” he says. “Now. Are you prepared to offer your oral arguments?”

For a second, fixing his gaze to as much of Tang Yi's face as he can see, the slight redness of his ears and the sharp edge of his jaw, Shao Fei thinks Tang Yi might dare to look back at him. For the assurance, maybe, a small amount of confidence.

It's all right, if he won't. They all have their parts to play.

Tang Yi sits.

“I am,” he says.

The man gestures toward him, a prompting wave, and Shao Fei's pulse pounds in his ears as Tang Yi takes a breath.

No turning back now.

“I have no regrets about turning former officer Ah Zhi over to the police for the murders of my mother and my foster father,” Tang Yi begins, a script rehearsed a hundred times until he can recite it in his sleep. “Despite the amount of time I had to wait for that criminal's guilt to be uncovered and for him to be brought to justice, I believe what was done was right.”

Liu Zong Kang looks on approvingly as one of the parole board members narrows his eyes and scribbles away on his little notepad.

Tang Yi edges forward in his seat.

“As for the accidental shooting of Officer Meng Shao Fei, I will carry the burden of that mistake with me to my grave.”

Shao Fei bites his lip. He knew it would be something like that, he really did, but to hear the words from such an angle, in this place, this way... None of this ever should have happened.

Of course, then where would they be?

“It is one of the worst mistakes of my life.” Tang Yi frowns, just slightly; these words haven't been written down anywhere. There's no warning for this.

Shao Fei closes his eyes.

“The rest of my days are not enough time to make up for what I've done,” he hears Tang Yi's steady conviction. “But I will do all that I can to try, for as long as he will allow me.”

You've done it, Shao Fei wants to tell him. You've done it a thousand times. You can't do any more than what you already have. I would never ask it of you.

The man at the table drums his fingers against the plastic seal bordering the wooden surface.

“Officer Meng Shao Fei seems to have visited you quite a few times during your incarceration,” he says, tapping his index finger against the manila folder. “Am I to take it this visitation has not all been about the terms of your eventual residency?”

Tang Yi shakes his head.

“Captain Meng has done a commendable job offering me his support during this time,” he says. “There has been no ulterior motive to his visits.”

“Support?” the man prods. “As the victim of your crime, has he needed so many visits to convince you of his forgiveness? Or you've needed them to convince him of your regret?”

Tightening the muscles in his abdomen, Shao Fei holds his breath to keep from making some outburst at the man's brazen misunderstanding of the situation, but Tang Yi keeps his poise with practiced ease.

“Neither,” he says. “Meng Shao Fei is my partner.”

Liu Zong Kang's lips twitch in a shadow of a frown, but he doesn't seem terribly shaken by the declaration; Tang Yi must have warned him he planned to enter it into the record. It makes sense, after all; what with all the background checking the board plans to do, they're bound to stumble onto it eventually, if they don't already know.

Sliding his arms down off the table, sitting back up straight in his chair, the man casts his eyes past Tang Yi to Shao Fei seated off to the side, ready to take his place and tell his story as soon as he's able, as soon as he's allowed.

“Partner?” he repeats. “He was a willing accomplice to this event? Are you saying that we should have put him on trial, as well?”

He's misunderstanding on purpose, he must be. Trying to sow some discord, trying to throw them off their game. Tang Yi is above such pathetic tricks, though, much too good for all this; he can keep himself together. He can. He will.

“Certainly not,” he says. “Meng Shao Fei bears no responsibility for my actions.”

The man clicks his tongue against his teeth and jerks his head in Shao Fei's direction. “Shall we ask the officer to answer that for himself?” he asks, making no attempt to hide the scorn in his voice.

“Captain,” Shao Fei says at once, standing with his arms clasped to his sides. “Captain Meng Shao Fei. Sir.”

Giving himself a moment to indulge in an insolent stare, the man scoffs, shaking his head.

“Police captain, shooting victim, shooter's lover, don't you think you're a bit conflicted?”

Shao Fei bristles at the man's derisive tone on the word “lover,” but at least it keeps him from laughing aloud at the question. Tang Yi tips his head back a bit, no doubt thinking much the same, but the man behind the table only looks between the two of them smugly, completely unaware of the accidental effect of his words.

“As a police captain,” Shao Fei says, “I am bound to see that the law is upheld at every turn. Tang Yi has certainly repaid his debt to society for the violence he may have caused in the process of apprehending a dangerous criminal, and I have complete confidence that he had no intention of shooting me and that I face no danger from him whatsoever.”

Not to mention the part where Shao Fei was the one to step in front of the bullet in the first place, he thinks bitterly. No, no, he won't make this about himself, he can't; Tang Yi's lawyers worked so hard to keep the charge of attempted murder off the record, he can't throw all that away for a moment of satisfaction. No. He won't be the one to ruin this.

The man juts his chin forward. “I take it then that you're here advocating for his parole to be granted.”

To put it mildly.

Shao Fei holds his head up high as he grips the hem of his jacket and tugs it straight.

“I have gone out of my way to keep myself well informed of Tang Yi's progress during his incarceration,” he says, “and it is my firm belief that his primary interest is in reforming himself and his actions. I do not believe he is a danger to himself or others. Myself included. And,” he adds spontaneously, “isn't it in this board's best interest for Tang Yi to return home at this point? What better environment is there for his continued rehabilitation than to be living with a police captain? Under the constant supervision of law enforcement, what more can you ask than that?”

Oh, was that too candid? After all this careful preparation, these months and months of hard work, did he just throw it all away? Losing control for a moment, did he just—

No. No, he didn't. He couldn't. Not that he can't appreciate the irony, of course, but there's such a thing as too much.

Shao Fei tugs the hem of his jacket again and sticks his chin out a bit, just enough to refine his profile. They've gotten past bigger obstacles before, the two of them together, and they'll get past this one, too.

“We appreciate your enthusiasm, Captain Meng,” the man says, not sounding like he appreciates much about Shao Fei at all. “Your testimony will be taken into account during deliberations. Now, if there are no other witnesses present...?”

Wait, that— That was it? All their hard work, all the sacrifice and the suffering and the waiting and the bargaining, and that was all they had to show for it? The only chance to tell their side of the story, to show what really happened and all it really meant? All it could have been, all that it was and all that it wasn't? That was it?

But how about the part where I need him, Shao Fei wants to know. How about the part where I still look for him in the dark corners of the house, the part where I reach for him on the other side of the bed, the part where I tell stories to myself about the things we'll do when he comes home, about how we'll put all this behind us and start fresh and new? How about the part where this wonderful man has found the strength to open his heart to a young boy with nothing in the world, a boy waiting with patience beyond his years to know him outside of prison walls? A boy who deserves to see how much alike they are, these two who only know one another from a distance but have found it in themselves to love each other all the same. How about the part where all we want is to be a family together, to help each other heal all our broken pieces? How about all of that?

All of that will still be there when this is done, is the thing. All of that will still be there for the taking when they've answered all the questions there are to be answered, when they've followed all the rules written down.

This is how things have to be, that's all.

The man at the head of the table gives that scripted summary that always comes at the end of parole hearings, “We thank you for your time and attention” and so on, “We will deliver our verdict as time permits,” et cetera, as his compatriot keeps on scribbling away on that notepad of his and the others trade knowing glances that could mean anything or nothing at all, best not to think about it either way. Shao Fei stands in front of his chair with his hands at his sides, and Tang Yi offers a somber bow to his interrogators before he turns, his eyes fixed on the door ahead as he walks.

Maybe it's his imagination, but for one fleeting instant, Shao Fei is pretty sure Tang Yi smiles at him.

Wishful thinking? Maybe.

The silence seems lighter all the same.

Chapter Text

“Did they say no?”

Shao Fei startles at the sudden question, his grip tightening on the takeout bag still clutched in his fist as though it might fall off the counter if he loses his concentration.

“What?”

Partly hidden behind the corner, Xu Yang stands in the shadows cast across the hall as though stepping all the way into the kitchen proper isn't allowed, or might bring him bad luck.

“Tang Yi,” he says. “He didn't come home with you. And you got dinner from the stall at the market that Aunt Hong Ye likes that you said is too expensive.”

Shao Fei looks down at the takeout bag and wonders how many more times he has to make the same stupid mistake before the lesson starts to sink in.

“I did,” he says, taking the food containers out of the bag and turning around. “Not because of bad news, though, just because we've been doing so much and working so hard, I thought it would be a nice break.”

Taking a step forward out of the dark, Xu Yang fidgets his hand inside of his sleeve.

“But did they say no?”

Shao Fei's breath doesn't quite fill his lungs all the way, he doesn't think.

“They didn't say no,” he says. “They don't decide right away. They're going to take all the records they have about everything that happened before, and everything they know about how Tang Yi's been doing in prison, and everything we said today, and they're going to talk about it, and then they have two months to decide what to do. Tang Yi's lawyer said we did a very good job, though, Tang Yi stayed very calm when the parole officer was trying to make him angry, and I didn't—say anything I shouldn't have, so maybe they won't even need the whole two months, maybe they'll tell us a lot sooner.”

Hurrying the rest of the way into the kitchen, Xu Yang sets his hands on the island and looks up at him plaintively.

“Did you tell them he's been very good?”

Did you keep your promise? The most important question, of course. Did you do everything you could?

Shao Fei smiles.

“I did. He told them he feels terrible about what he did, and I told them that he's been in prison long enough to make up for everything, and that we want him to come home with us.”

Xu Yang pushes himself up on his tiptoes. “You said 'we'?”

“Mm.” Shao Fei nods. “I did, I told them he's been working very hard and it would be the best thing for everyone, both of us and all of them too, if he came back home.”

If we could just start over again. If we could have one more chance, one more try to get it all right this time. One more.

We've just got so much to live for.

Xu Yang folds his arms on top of the island and sets his chin down on the back of his wrist.

“I hate this.”

Oh, don't say that, Shao Fei wants to tell him. We're doing our best with everything we have. We're fighting as hard as we can. We're doing as we're told, we're doing everything right. Every single thing, absolutely every one. Because that's how these things are supposed to work, we follow all the rules and we play the stupid games and we come out the other side stronger for all the things we've had to sacrifice along the way.

Please don't say that, Shao Fei wants to tell him.

Don't say it, because then I would have to say it, too. And I don't know what would happen after that.

Shao Fei walks around to Xu Yang's side and folds his arms on top of the island counter.

“It's hard,” he says. “It's really hard. I would love to tell you it gets easier, but I don't know that it does.”

Xu Yang turns his head away, resting his ear on the back of his hand and fixing his eyes on the refrigerator door.

“And I know it feels like we're going nowhere,” Shao Fei says, looking down at the back of Xu Yang's head. “I know you want to do more. I know.”

Xu Yang hikes his shoulder up, cradling his head in the nest of his arms.

“And I know it hurts to hear this,” Shao Fei says, leaning in a little bit. “I know you don't want to think about it. But sometimes all you can do is live with the sadness for a while, live with the pain, and let it be proof of everything that came before it, and proof that none of your efforts have been in vain.”

Xu Yang lifts up his head and sets his chin down on the back of his hand, staring out the window across the way.

“I still hate it.”

Shao Fei reaches out to wrap his arm around him, rubbing his thumb up and down over his shoulder as Xu Yang leans against him.

“Me, too.”

But what a waste it would be to give up now, when we've come so far.

So just hold on.

***

For the next week or so, every evening when Shao Fei returns home from work, Xu Yang makes a point of greeting him promptly and asking if he's heard any news from the parole board. Every evening, Shao Fei smiles and tells him no, and every night, it seems to take Shao Fei a little bit longer to fall asleep than it did the one before.

Every few days after that, when Shao Fei returns home from work, Xu Yang asks him if he's heard any news about Tang Yi's case, and every day that Shao Fei says no, he looks a little bit less surprised than he did the last time.

When five days pass without any question at all, Shao Fei figures that Xu Yang is finished asking.

It's probably for the best.

It's not until Shao Fei chances to look the calendar one afternoon and realizes that it's already gotten to be the fourth of December without his notice that he decides something might be going wrong.

“Shao Fei?”

His head snapping up at the sound of his name, Shao Fei widens his eyes at Zhao Zi before his friend's expression clues him in that he might be coming off a touch more manic than he'd like.

“Zhao Zi,” he says, doing his best to sound authoritative, or at least professional. “Did you need me for something?”

Zhao Zi braces his hand on the door frame and leans hesitantly into Shao Fei's office, his brow still sort of furrowed and the tip of his tongue seemingly held between his teeth. “No,” he says, raising his other hand to the back of his neck. “Not really 'need,' but...”

Setting down his pen and pushing the papers in front of him off to the side, Shao Fei folds his arms on top of his desk and leans forward. “What is it, does Interpol want another update?”

“Nn...” Zhao Zi shakes his head and looks away for a second. “Jack wants to know if Xu Yang can come over this weekend so he can talk to him about his birthday cake.”

Shao Fei's head drops down immediately, landing right on top of his arms.

“Zhao Zi,” he says to his desk before he picks his head back up, “why are you acting like I'm about to fire you? Or...put you on traffic duty?”

“I don't think that.” Zhao Zi takes his hand off the door frame and steps into the office, strangely shy, strangely cautious. “You look so tired and you've been working so hard, though, and I didn't want this to be piled on top of everything else you have think about right now.”

“'Piled on'?” Shao Fei repeats. “Zhao Zi, you're talking about having Xu Yang over for lunch or something, you're not asking me to coordinate a whole interdepartmental conference. What's going on with you, why are you being weird?”

“I'm not, I just...”

Shao Fei clasps his hands together, tilting forward imploringly, and Zhao Zi shakes his head again.

“You're getting that way,” he says. “Like how you were when Tang Yi first went to prison.”

Well, that's a ridiculous claim if Shao Fei's ever heard one. Sure, this case has been taking a lot out of him, and he's put in longer hours and brought takeout home for dinner more often in the last couple of weeks than is probably healthy, and he may not be sleeping so great these days, and he might have lost track of time, but he's not—he's not moving through his life on autopilot, he's not losing his mind or anything. It's just that there's a lot going on all at once, and there are a lot of things he needs to do, and check on, and remember, and he's handling it just fine, actually. It's all getting done, it'll all get done.

Shao Fei shakes his head.

“I'm not,” he says. “I'm fine.”

“You're not, though.”

Shao Fei narrows his eyes, and Zhao Zi winces, knotting his fingers together.

“We're worried about you.”

Shao Fei arches his eyebrows. “Jack is worried about me.”

“Yes, he is!” Zhao Zi frowns. “And if you don't believe it, then believe that he's worried about me, and I'm worried about you. And he's worried about Xu Yang, too, so he has to be worried about you, no matter what!”

“Xu Yang is fine,” Shao Fei says, sitting back up in his chair. “He doesn't like all this waiting, of course, but he's handling it as best he can, and I'm still taking care of him. What does Jack think is going on?”

“Nothing on purpose,” Zhao Zi says, taking a couple of steps closer to the desk, “but Shao Fei, you know how Xu Yang is, he won't make waves if he thinks you're having a hard time. He doesn't want you to worry about him, he doesn't want to cause any problems.”

Shao Fei opens his mouth indignantly, some coldly defensive retort on his tongue about Zhao Zi's totally unfair accusation, but then his brain catches hold of his instincts, and the words wither and fade away before they can take shape in the stale office air. Because the thing is, he's right. He's completely right. Xu Yang may no longer fear being thrown out on the street, but it's still his instinct to keep his feelings to himself, especially his troubles. Especially if he thinks that fixing those troubles will make things harder for Shao Fei.

Shao Fei drops his face into his hands.

“What have I been missing?”

Zhao Zi sighs.

“He's not sick,” he says. “He's not hurt, or anything like that. But he stays up every night to wait for you to come home, have you noticed? He's not sleeping enough. And there isn't always much food around the house, and he doesn't always know what to do with what is there, if he gets hungry, you know he doesn't know a lot of recipes.”

Shao Fei digs his fingertips into his forehead. How could he have missed all of that? It's one thing when he's running himself ragged, but how could he treat Xu Yang like this? How could he have let him down so badly, and had no idea at all? Some father, huh. Xu Yang doesn't deserve this. Doesn't deserve him at his worst.

“He told you all that?”

Zhao Zi tilts his head. “He told Jack about the food when they were trying to decide what to practice making next, but Jack figured out the part about him not getting enough sleep, since I don't think Xu Yang would have thought of it that way. When he was living on the street and it was so dangerous for him to let his guard down, you know? He's probably used to not sleeping much.”

And now Shao Fei is reminding him of his life on the streets? Could he have screwed this up any worse, is that even possible?

“Shao Fei.”

Picking his face up out of his hands, Shao Fei looks at Zhao Zi flatly, an aching soreness already creeping in under his eyes, though whether it's the result of this sudden revelation, or all his built-up stress, or a lack of sleep finally catching up with him, is impossible to say. Maybe all three.

Zhao Zi sighs again.

“He knows you're having a hard time,” he says. “So is he. He'll forgive you.”

He will, too. Whether or not he should.

Shao Fei closes his eyes for a moment.

“This birthday cake,” he says. “What's Jack thinking?”

Zhao Zi grins and takes a seat.

***

“This is a matter of utmost importance.” Jack presses his hands down on the dining table and leans forward. “Have you made your decision?”

Xu Yang nods, staring up at him resolutely and gripping the sides of his seat tight.

“You're sure?”

Xu Yang nods again.

Jack thumps his palm against the table and stands up straight. “Ginger spice it is.”

Shao Fei can't decide whether to smile or roll his eyes. To think, he once tried to arrest this guy for murder.

“We can do the dark chocolate next year.” Jack flips open one of the cookbooks laid out between them and points to a photo of a particularly decadent-looking cake. “This one's very rich, though, we might have to try a few different recipes before we find the one you like best.”

Xu Yang peers intently at the picture, and Shao Fei contents himself to shake his head. It's only a matter of time before those two start speaking in some coded cooking language, he's sure of it.

“But for now,” Jack says, closing the book again, “we have one more thing to decide before we're all ready to go.”

“Cream cheese,” Xu Yang says firmly.

Jack nods. “Agreed.”

Well, that was fast. When no further explanation seems forthcoming, Shao Fei looks over at Zhao Zi, who shrugs like this is the most natural conversation he's ever heard.

“Frosting.”

Of course. Why didn't he think of that.

“Glad you got that sorted out.” Shao Fei sets his hand on top of Xu Yang's head, ruffling his hair as Xu Yang looks up with a little smile. “Is there anything special you want to do that day, besides all this?”

Xu Yang shakes his head.

“No.”

Of course there isn't. Shao Fei doesn't know what he expected; Xu Yang would never ask for some trifling little toy, and the whole matter of the cake is obviously well in hand. A favorite dinner, maybe? Not that Shao Fei has any idea what that would be; Xu Yang is still in the habit of insisting he likes all of Shao Fei's cooking, though Shao Fei has been careful not to hold his skills up for comparison with Jack's again. It would hardly be fair; Jack has a food truck, after all.

“Do you want to invite your friends over or anything?” he asks, even though he knows the answer will be no. He still gets along well with Zhang Qing Yuan and Xie Jian Qing, certainly, and Xu Yang even went out of his way to explain that they're not usually “that weird,” as he put it after their impromptu introduction a few months back; apparently, they had somehow gotten it into their heads that Shao Fei might consider taking him out of school if he wasn't performing as well as his peers, and were only doing their best to make sure he wouldn't dare. The whole matter was cleared up easily enough, but inviting the two of them over to meet the whole family is an awfully big step. This family, especially.

What would be the point, anyway, when Tang Yi isn't even here.

Sure enough, Xu Yang shakes his head again, and Shao Fei nods.

“Okay,” he says, “that's okay. We don't need to do anything too big; that's more Zhao Zi's thing, anyway.”

“Hey!”

“You think I'm going to forget that anime convention you dragged me to?”

Zhao Zi rolls his eyes. “It wasn't my fault they happened to fall on the same weekend.”

“How does that justify your making me go in costume?”

“You said it was your birthday present to me!”

“Sure,” Shao Fei points staunchly at his own face, “but the eyeliner.”

“Stop it, you know you looked great.” Zhao Zi leans to the side to get a clear view of Xu Yang, twisting around in his seat with a curious expression on his traitorous little face. “He looked great.”

“Shorty, do you—”

“Don't you start.” Shao Fei scowls at Jack and sets his hand on Xu Yang's shoulder. “Don't believe a word either one of them says.”

His efforts are already a lost cause, if Xu Yang's barely-stifled grin is any kind of evidence, though Shao Fei tries to take some solace in the knowledge that whatever Xu Yang is imagining, it can't be as dramatically dark as the stuff Zhao Zi made him wear back then.

“Yeah, yeah.” Shao Fei tousles Xu Yang's hair again. “This is what I get for being a good friend, huh? I thought we were here to talk about your birthday.”

“It's okay,” Xu Yang says, “we can talk about you.”

It's difficult not to hear the avoidance in his assurance, the desire to throw focus from himself and talk about other people, other things. Shao Fei wonders if he'll ever be secure enough in his new life for it to go away; or maybe it has nothing to do with that at all, maybe no amount of love and care any of them can offer will change it. Maybe that's just how Xu Yang is.

It's okay. Shao Fei doesn't mind letting himself look the fool every now and again. Anyway, he knows what Xu Yang really wants for his birthday; it's not hard to guess.

It's good of him not to ask.

***

Thursdays all seem to happen one after another, when they come about. Funny how the space between them can go on forever or not exist at all, depending on the time of day.

Pressing the plastic receiver to his ear, Shao Fei rests his elbows on the table and sets his chin in his palm. So much has happened since he was last here, so little of it of any importance; there's so little that matters at all, now, in the in-between time of waiting, and waiting. It'll never end, will it? They say it will. They say, but who can be sure.

Still. No point in stopping now.

Tang Yi comes in through the door a moment later, or a minute, or something like that. Shao Fei presses his fingertips to the glass, blinking as his eyes go soft and start to lose focus, and Tang Yi sits down and picks up the phone with a gentle smile.

“Shao Fei.”

Shao Fei smiles back.

This is how it goes.

“How are you doing?”

Tang Yi leans back in his chair. “You know how it is.”

Yes, he does.

“Shao Fei,” Tang Yi says, “what's the date today?”

He's asked that once before, though Shao Fei doesn't know why. He checks his watch, just to be sure, even though he already knows it well.

“The thirty-first,” he says. “Thursday.”

Tang Yi smiles again.

“Tell Xu Yang I said happy birthday,” he says. “I'm sorry I missed it.”

For every morning that Shao Fei wakes up feeling the wound in his heart, every passing day that the sadness and the suffering become so heavy that he starts to think they might never go away, there comes a moment like this one. A single moment, a word or two to remind him why he stays, why he'll hold on until the very end, as long as it takes.

Shao Fei skates his fingertips down the glass.

“Have I been talking about it too much? I didn't want you to feel bad.”

Tang Yi shakes his head. “Hardly. But you mentioned it once, back when you first told me that Jack was making him a cake.”

“You remember that?” Shao Fei smiles faintly. “That was so long ago, I hardly remember saying it.”

It's sort of a silly way to put it. Of course Tang Yi remembers Xu Yang's birthday, of course Shao Fei remembers telling him about it. But the memories only exists in the ephemeral way that things do when they surround something that's already become second nature, the “when” and “how” of them simple details that will become unimportant in time, when all the noise around them quiets down.

Tang Yi takes a breath, a shallow sigh that barely makes it down the line, and Shao Fei smiles again, a little softer.

“I'll tell him,” he says.

This is important.

***

“They take a long time to decide.”

Shao Fei looks up from the sink at Xu Yang's reflection in the window and turns the water off, even though the pot is only about a quarter full.

What do you mean? he could ask. For the moment it would give him to breathe.

Don't be stupid.

“They do,” he says, turning around and bracing his hands on the counter behind him. “They only meet once a month, usually, so they have a lot of cases to deal with at the same time, and their list is always getting longer. And some of the cases are very complicated, and it takes them a long time to decide what to do.”

Xu Yang lifts himself up into his seat at the island and looks down at his hands splayed out in front of him.

“Tang Yi's is easy,” he says. “They should have done his first.”

Shao Fei lowers his eyes. It feels that way, doesn't it? It's so easy to be certain from here, where everything they want feels like such a natural conclusion.

“I'm sure they're going to talk about his as soon as they can.”

Maybe. Who can say?

These things happen all the time.

“But you know what's going to happen,” Shao Fei says, looking back up with a smile on his face only a little bit forced, “as soon as they decide, things will finish up right away. They'll send their decision to the prison, and then if they said yes, if they're going to give him his parole, they have to let Tang Yi out in twenty-four hours, and it has to be before noon. So as soon as we hear the news, we know we'll get to see him first thing the next day.”

If. If they said yes.

When they do. They will. They have to.

If.

Xu Yang meets his eyes cautiously.

“First thing?”

Well.

Shao Fei folds his arms over his chest.

“Maybe not exactly,” he says. “Around ten or eleven, I think. And—since we won't get any time to prepare, we won't be able to get permission from your school for you to miss any of your classes.”

Xu Yang nods and looks down at his hands again.

“He'll be here, though,” Shao Fei says. “Waiting for you right when you get home.”

And all of this weight will fall right off our shoulders for a minute, easy as can be, and we'll look back and see how far we've come, see every fight we've already won.

For a minute, we won't think about how far we still have to go.

Xu Yang pulls his sleeves down to cover his hands and lays them one on top of the other.

“I wish they were faster.”

I wish I'd never put you through this, Shao Fei wants to say. I wish I'd never made you feel the way that I feel. I wish no one would ever have to feel this way, being pulled apart from the inside, clambering through the dark without knowing if you'll even get to where it is you're trying to go.

But don't you want to see where we'll be when this is over?

Shao Fei sighs and sets his hands back on the counter by the sink.

“I do, too,” he says.

I just want to know.

What more is there to it than that?

***

There are only so many times Shao Fei can tell himself that he just needs to make it through one more day before the mantra starts to feel like a punishment. The clock is ticking down, the deadline drawing near; only a few days remain before the two month limit is up, before the board has to extend the prison contract or grant Tang Yi his parole. Shao Fei's phone is always on, always charged, the battery never falling below thirty percent, and the calls coming in may all be the wrong ones, but there's always next time. And the next one after that. And he'll keep waiting, one more day. And one more, and one more.

It's only natural, then, that it's in the moment he stops trying that everything seems to fall into place.

“Captain Meng?”

Shao Fei moves the phone away from his ear and looks down at the screen. Just as he thought, the ID labels this call as coming from an unidentified number.

Still.

“Officer Tsai?”

Officer Tsai sighs loudly. “Yes. Thank you for picking up, I'm sorry to be calling from my personal phone.”

Fair enough; this is probably a breach of some protocol, some kind of flouting of one or two or twenty prison rules. Then again, isn't that what friends are for?

“Sure.” Shao Fei frowns suddenly, a sickening feeling twisting his stomach. “Why are you calling, did something happen to Tang Yi? What happened, what's wrong?”

“Yes,” Officer Tsai says, and Shao Fei thinks for a moment that his heart is going to stop beating. “No—nothing, nothing's wrong, I mean, but yes, it's about Tang Yi.”

Shao Fei's fingers twitch around his phone's volume button.

“What is it?”

Papers shuffle, a notebook flipping open, keyboard keys clacking. “His parole application, the decision was delivered to the prison about an hour ago.”

“An hour?” Shao Fei stiffens in his chair as his spine contracts, a nervous reflex. “No one told me, I didn't hear anything.”

“I know,” Officer Tsai says. “But you know they're only obligated to tell the family if the prisoner is gravely ill or enfeebled. So if you think of it that way, maybe you should be glad no one got in touch with you.”

Shao Fei scowls. Was that supposed to be a joke?

“But I am the victim,” he says. “I testified at the hearing, that was the whole point.”

Officer Tsai murmurs a dissatisfied sound. “I don't know what to tell you. Someone must have decided you have too many conflicts of interest.”

Shao Fei shakes his head. Captain, victim, lover, he'll take all that and a hundred titles more that they want to slap over his file, it doesn't change a thing.

“I don't care,” he says, “it doesn't matter. What happened, what did they decide?”

Shuffle, shuffle, click.

“Well, Captain, I hope you're not busy tomorrow morning.”

Tomorrow morning.

The phone nearly slips from Shao Fei's hand, the focus of his gaze going in and out, shifting from the words on his computer screen to the frame of the monitor, the gloss of his desk to the shadows on the floor.

Tomorrow morning.

“Captain?”

All these days, weeks, months. A year, and then some more, of hours passing in minutes, nights taking decades, waiting, waiting, always hoping, never knowing. All the little things, all the small moments, adding up into something big.

“Captain Meng?”

Tomorrow morning, he said. I hope you're not busy.

It seems that life is moving very fast all of a sudden.

Don't forget to breathe.

Chapter Text

The silence in the car is nearly deafening. Every acceleration, every tap of the breaks, every staccato click of the blinker reverberates from door to door like rolling thunder across the sea.

For once in his life, Shao Fei doesn't mind in the slightest.

Nearly a year and a half. A year and a half of waiting, of wondering, of questions that don't have any answers, of asking them anyway. A year and a half of time dragging on, of turning round in circles, stumbling toward this edge or that, free-falling over cliffs and crashing to a stop in midair. Picking himself back up and starting again.

And here they are.

The blurry scenery passing by out the window carries him into some vaguely surrealist other world, the balance of this trip he's taken hundreds of times somehow off its mark, the sunlight bouncing off the road from a different spot, lighting it up in a different way. In truth, the beaten path is the same as it always is, the starting point and the end, but that hardly matters now. Not when all the rest of it is the part that's important.

Are they close? Shao Fei recognizes this intersection, he thinks. They're coming up on the complex from the wrong side, the opposite of the one he's used to, but it's not like it matters anymore, not like it's something he'll ever have to think about again. Shao Fei leans his head against the window and figures that it might be for the best that it's happening this way.

A year and a half of wandering through the dark, suddenly thrust into the light, and here's that ending they've been looking for. One moment, arriving without warning.

The sprawling complex comes into view over the horizon, and Shao Fei's hand moves to unbuckle his seat belt before the car has even begun to slow. Then Dao Yi turns off the engine, and Shao Fei hopes it won't be long before someone tells him what he's supposed to do now.

This is the last time.

Dao Yi and Hong Ye opens their doors and step out onto the pavement, and Shao Fei reaches for his door handle.

This is how it goes. The last time, the same as the first, and every other one in between.

Shao Fei steps out of the car and looks up at the gates.

Everything and nothing new.

Other people are here, too, people he doesn't know waiting for their own loved ones to step through that door at the other end of the driveway. An older woman stands off to the side clutching a purse in her hands, maybe just for something to hold on to, something to keep her on the ground while the time passes. A small group huddles together, muttering, whispering, darting glances over their shoulders every now and again, maybe planning something spectacular, maybe waiting for some terrible news, maybe bracing themselves for both at once.

Hong Ye takes a step closer to Dao Yi, and he sets his hand on her shoulder as she crosses her arms in front of her.

Shao Fei stands by the car, looking up at the gates. A hundred thousand hours, a million pounds of pressure, all leading up to this. Another car drives up, stopping at the curb; the silence here is awfully loud.

Then the prison door opens, and he can't hear anything at all.

A young man walks out first with his head thrown back as he inhales the fresh air, his hands in the pockets of his ragged jeans and his pace downright lethargic as he embraces the freedom of nothing to do and no one to do it with. The woman clutching her purse digs her nails into the leather, biting down on her lower lip, and cranes her neck to see past him.

A older man walks through the door next, favoring his left leg and limping forward at a clumsy rush when his eyes alight on the idling car. The huddled group begins to step apart from one another, breaking off into singles and pairs.

Time is erratic and interminable.

Then comes the moment when nothing else matters.

Tang Yi steps through the door and walks down the drive, his blue striped coat not hanging quite right off his shoulders, too big or too small or too long spent balled up at the bottom of a plastic storage bin in the gritty prison basement. His hair is a little too long, a little too unkempt; his skin is a little ashen, or that may be the way the sun is lighting him up from overhead, slightly to the side.

Tang Yi walks straight into his freedom, the most beautiful sight Shao Fei has ever seen in all his life.

Hong Ye throws her arms around him as he approaches, pushing her face into the crook of his neck as he holds her tight, leaning his head against hers and murmuring something into her ear that makes her back tremor with a sudden laugh and her grip around him tighten even more. They part after a little while, her hands still resting on his arms as they speak, questions and answers and anything they want without having to worry about being overheard, about repercussions or slipping up or saying anything they shouldn't. After a minute or so, she hugs him again, because nothing is stopping her, no dirty window or plastic telephone or callously indifferent officer telling her to keep her distance.

Dao Yi takes his turn with a modest smile, reaching out to shake Tang Yi's hand and speaking softly, falling into their old patterns as though nothing has changed at all. Whatever new challenges are about to face them, whatever steps need to be taken, he'll handle it. Any help that Tang Yi needs, he'll be there.

Impulsively, Hong Ye reaches for Tang Yi's hands, holding them in hers not for any particular reason, not to pull his attention but simply because she can, simply to indulge in her need to touch him, to assure herself that this is real, finally, that their waiting is done, it really is. She says something else with a teasing smile on her face and he smiles back, indulgent the way he always is with her, as she laughs at his reply.

Then she drops his hands again, taking a step to the side as he looks over her head.

Time is erratic and interminable.

Shao Fei smiles wide as their eyes meet, and he can't be sure, but he thinks he might be crying. He moves away from the car, quick and light, and Tang Yi walks toward him, meeting somewhere in the middle, and it takes a moment to remember where they are, and where they aren't. What this is and what it isn't. But they do, soon enough, and Shao Fei stops smiling, though those might still be tears in his eyes as he reaches to cradle Tang Yi's face, to pull him close and kiss him like a drowning man finally able to breathe, a dying man remembering how it feels to be alive.

Running his thumb along the arch of Shao Fei's cheekbone, Tang Yi leans their foreheads together when they part, his eyes slipping shut as their breaths ghost across each other's lips.

Shao Fei lowers his hands to encircle Tang Yi's waist and tilts his head to press them closer.

“I've got you.”

Tang Yi smiles, blinking his eyes open just long enough to take Shao Fei's face between his hands and lean in to kiss him again.

“Don't you always?”

Shaking his head, Shao Fei slides his hands up to clutch at the back of Tang Yi's coat, pressing himself in close to his chest and holding on for dear life as Tang Yi threads his fingers through his hair and wraps his other arm around his shoulders.

The good times and the bad ones, they'll get through them together.

For now, forever.

Shao Fei tightens his hold on Tang Yi one last time before they part, their hands still lingering together, fingers brushing as Hong Ye and Dao Yi draw near. This moment has been a wonder, of course, everything they could have hoped for and more, but the ending is a new beginning, too, and if they're ever going to start down that path together into the light, it might as well be now. Dao Yi and Hong Ye take their places in the car's front seat without fanfare or room for any doubt, and Shao Fei holds the back passenger side door open for Tang Yi, mostly for the excuse to look at him a few seconds longer before he walks around to the other side; once they've all settled in, Dao Yi starts the motor, and the scenery rolling by alongside them melts from the ragged city skyline to a cascade of trees, the sprawling green rustling faintly in the breeze.

Tang Yi looks out the window and reaches blindly for Shao Fei's hand, interlacing their fingers when he finds it, and Shao Fei smiles and holds on.

“You'll return to the company next week,” Hong Ye says eventually, at some point that doesn't interrupt anything in particular. “I'll show you the documentation on the new property we've acquired since you've been away, and you can familiarize yourself with the conditions of our ongoing projects. The parole board has made it clear you're not to have complete control of the company yet, and they'll be paying close attention that you're not involved in anything that looks like it's affiliated with any mob connections, but we'll make do.”

“Mm.” Tang Yi turns his head toward the front seat and then looks back out the window. “That's probably for the best.”

Hong Ye scoffs. “They hardly know what they're talking about. Dao Yi and I have severed nearly all of Xing Tian Meng's old ties by now, and you'd be able to manage just fine.”

Tang Yi smiles and doesn't say a word.

The moment before everything stopped, that's where she wants to be. The moment of all their triumphs, the brilliant future laid out in front of them, waiting. There's no need for her to worry; it's still there, still where they left it. They'll get back to it, in time.

Shao Fei tightens his grip on Tang Yi's hand.

They'll get to somewhere better than before.

The compound comes into view before long, the gate and the rolling grounds, the pool and the swing set around back, everything just as it was this morning. The car comes to a stop inside the front entrance, poised to turn back around, and Dao Yi keeps his place in the driver's seat as the rest of them step out into the driveway.

Tang Yi walks a few paces away from the car, tilting his head up and breathing a heavy sigh, and Shao Fei smiles.

Everything that he's been missing, it's all been missing him, too.

“I'll send over some materials for you to look at this week,” Hong Ye says, setting one hand on the roof of the car and gripping the top of her open door with the other. “To bring you up to speed.”

Tang Yi takes another breath before he lowers his head on a nod, ambling toward the house and then turning around to head back to the car.

“Thank you,” he says. “I'm sure everything is well in hand.”

She grins. “Obviously.”

As if any of them would stand for anything less.

They smile at each other for a moment until her giddy cheer begins to slip, the light in her eyes still shining bright even as the span of her shoulders seems to stiffen, the line of her throat going taut as she takes a breath and digs her nails into the plastic seam of the car window.

“Don't do that again.”

Tang Yi shakes his head, walking around the car to pull her into a hug and holding her head against his shoulder as she presses her hands to his chest.

“Don't worry.”

Nodding, she lifts her hand to brush underneath her eye and takes a step back out of his embrace.

“Okay,” she says, sniffling a bit and smiling again. “No more of this, no more lazing about. I'm a busy woman, I've got things to do. I'll send you those documents and we'll talk next week.”

“Next week,” Tang Yi says, grinning as she climbs back into the car. They both know it'll be sooner than that; there's no one to stop them, after all.

They drive off without looking back, without stopping to think twice. The pungent exhaust fades away soon enough, and Tang Yi takes another breath.

After all the trials they've endured, the suffering they've done, the time they've lost. After everything they've overcome, everything they thought they never would, every day they thought might be the last. Here they are, side by side, still standing tall.

Shao Fei watches as a tear slides down Tang Yi's cheek, then one more, and reaches out to hold Tang Yi's hand in both of his.

Tang Yi lowers his eyes to the ground and sighs.

“I suppose Hong Ye was right,” he says. “We shouldn't waste time hanging around.”

“Hey.” Dropping Tang Yi's hand, Shao Fei steps around in front of him and grabs his shoulders. “Don't worry about that. Today is— Today doesn't count, okay? Today is whatever you want it to be. It's whatever you need it to be. Work and terms of parole and all that stuff, we'll worry about it later.”

Tang Yi raises his eyebrows and puts on a skeptical expression. “Don't you have someplace to be, Captain Meng?”

Shao Fei scoffs, his eyes going wide. “You think I didn't arrange to take the whole day off? They'll survive without me.”

“From what I hear, that may be easier said than done.”

“Well, they'd better figure it out, because I'm not leaving.” Shao Fei's laughing grin tempers quickly into a tender smile as he raises one of his hands to wander down the side of Tang Yi's face, fitting his thumb under his jaw and raising himself up to press a firm kiss to his lips.

“I love you.”

Tang Yi lowers his head and shifts his gaze to the side, a poor job of hiding a smile of his own, and Shao Fei ducks around to kiss him again, quick and teasing the way he likes to do sometimes.

“Come on,” he says, grabbing Tang Yi's hand. “Let's go inside. Do you want to eat? I can make you something, or you can, if you like, if you want to get back into the kitchen. Or do you want to take a shower, anything like that? Change your clothes?”

Shaking his head, Tang Yi lets himself be guided along toward the house, the smile still etched on his face.

“A shower, I think.”

“Mm.” Shao Fei pulls the door open and leads him inside. “Yeah, of course. Just—tell me what you want.”

Anything that exists in all the world. Or maybe Shao Fei should dare him to ask for something that doesn't; he'd find that, too, whatever it is. Anything he wants, anything he can imagine. Anything to start to heal the broken pieces.

Resting his hand on the side of Shao Fei's face, Tang Yi pulls him into another gentle kiss, drawing back with a smile as his touch lingers against Shao Fei's skin.

“I will.”

Shao Fei nods and doesn't put too much thought into the way Tang Yi walks through the house with a deliberate slowness, taking his time to reacquaint himself with this space he knows so well, everything almost exactly as he remembers it but not quite the same. In truth, very little has changed; Tang Yi will find the same brand of shampoo and conditioner in the shower that he's always used, his clothes all hung in the same place, the same color-coded order on the rack. The papers and things he left all laid out on his desk, the skeleton keychain hanging off the little metal hinge clipped to the Newton's cradle.

Tang Yi touches his fingertips to the wall as he climbs the stairs, and Shao Fei slips his hands into his jacket pockets.

He'll put on a brave face for as long as he can, Shao Fei knows. Habits built up from a lifetime in the mob aren't going to be broken overnight, especially after how well they must have served him in prison. But the cracks are already starting to show, and Shao Fei will be patient, waiting for the break. Or maybe it'll never come, maybe it'll just be a thousand little things, all adding up; he'll be there for all those, too.

Shao Fei sighs.

He has no idea what's coming next.

Not that it matters, of course. Shao Fei has always been good at thinking on his feet.

Shaking his head, Shao Fei walks to the kitchen, where everything is just as he left it this morning. All the dishes are put away in the cabinets, a few crisp apples laid in a bowl on the island, a decent mix of ingredients stocked in the refrigerator, nothing too specific. The counters all wiped clean, ready to be dirtied again. Or maybe not.

Just as they please.

Shao Fei keeps on walking, all the way down the hall to the room at the end, the one with its door closed the way it always is during the day. Xu Yang has done it that way right from the start; Shao Fei doesn't mind. It's not important, after all, and he doesn't ask why; Xu Yang would let him in, if he asked.

Lowering his eyes to the floor, Shao Fei tightens his fists and shuffles around until he's standing at a spot exactly the same distance from door and the left and right walls. More or less.

None of this is going to be what they expect.

They'll tell themselves they're ready. They'll tell themselves they can take it, all of “it,” whatever that means. They'll tell themselves they're ready and they'll be blindsided by things they never saw coming, things they never thought to look for, and they'll get through it all. Come hell or high water, they're in this together, for good. No question about it. They'll hurt each other, even though they won't mean to, and they'll help each other, every way they can.

Everything life has to throw at them, they'll take it all on.

Shao Fei takes a deep breath and lets it out nice and slow.

All he wants right now, the only thing is to be near Tang Yi. To touch him, to hold him, even just to see him, back in this house, this place that's been missing him for so long. But today's not about him, is it, no, today is about what Tang Yi wants. What he needs. A moment to himself, a moment to collect his thoughts, to rearrange his mind around this new reality. Shao Fei understands.

Does he?

Maybe not. Then again, he doesn't really need to.

Walking slowly, Shao Fei goes to the living room and sits down on the couch, picking up a black book with a picture of some rocks on the cover and opening it to somewhere near the middle.

Piece by piece, they'll get to where they belong.

Some time later, a little while or a long one, Shao Fei looks up from the book he doesn't think he's been reading to the muted sound of Tang Yi coming down the stairs at an even pace, unhurried and untroubled. Shao Fei sets the book aside and stands, smiling at the sight of him in his familiar white turtleneck and soft grey slacks, his hair still too long but perfectly styled the way he likes it best, his smile small, private, like he doesn't even know he's doing it.

Beautiful.

Shao Fei steps forward, his own smile surely much less reserved as he does his best to drink in his fill, even though it certainly won't be enough, might never be enough. Covering the rest of the space between them in a few short steps, Tang Yi reaches to take his hands, barely even holding them, keeping contact all the same as his smile grows, just a bit.

“Thank you,” he says, looking down at their hands, up into Shao Fei's eyes.

Thank you for staying, thank you for waiting. Thank you for being here. Thank you for loving me.

Thank you for everything.

Closing his eyes, Shao Fei presses a kiss to his lips.

“You're welcome.”

Tang Yi's eyes drift toward the window over Shao Fei's head as his grip tightens just slightly, just for a moment. When he doesn't speak, Shao Fei follows his gaze, but there's nothing special out there now; just the crisp winter air, leaves rustling in the breeze. Everything as it's always been.

“I'm going outside,” Tang Yi says then. “For a little while.”

Out into that endless world, that wandering space without any walls.

Shao Fei nods and lets his hands slip from Tang Yi's grip.

“It's kind of cool out,” he says.

Tang Yi nods. He knows, of course. The bracing fresh air against his skin, the reminder of everything it means to be alive. The freedom to be himself in whatever way he pleases. He knows what he's doing.

“Come with me?”

This life is his, and he'll live it the way he wants.

Shao Fei grins and takes his hand again, following Tang Yi outside, down the path past the pool, into the yard. They walk around the house to the swings and Tang Yi takes a seat, rocking gently forward and back as Shao Fei steps up behind him and drapes himself over Tang Yi's back, wrapping his arms around him and setting his chin on his shoulder.

“Hong Ye's planning a big party for you this weekend,” Shao Fei says, and Tang Yi hums softly.

“Is it supposed to be a surprise?”

Shao Fei clicks his tongue. “I don't think she really expected me to keep it a secret.”

“Mm. I suppose she knows you well enough by now.” Tang Yi turns his head a bit. “I think I'll get my hair cut before then.”

“If you like.” Shao Fei adjusts his arms around Tang Yi, mindlessly rubbing his thumb over his bicep. “I could probably use one, too.”

“If you like.” Tang Yi reaches up to stroke the hair beginning to frame his face. “Your hair looks good longer.”

“Flatterer. Have you always been this unashamed?”

Smiling, Tang Yi strokes his face again before he lowers his hand.

Never mind. It doesn't really matter.

They stay there in silence as the chill in the air sinks down into their bones, no fire to keep them warm this time. Then again, that's not the point of things, is it? No. This is more than enough, just as it is.

The swing rocks back and forth, a bit of an angle side to side.

“There's still work to be done,” Tang Yi says, his eyes gone soft, his gaze losing focus as he stares out at the trees. “Cleaning up Xing Tian Meng.”

Shao Fei murmurs a quiet sound.

“Dao Yi and Hong Ye have been doing very well,” he says. “Hong Ye has no patience for anyone trying to interfere with the legitimization, she's very determined. There are some things they haven't been able to do without you, of course, but Dao Yi says they're close.”

The swing rocks back and forth, side to side.

Tang Yi reaches to lay his hand over Shao Fei's.

“However well they've managed everything,” he says, “I don't know that we'll ever be out of danger. Completely safe.”

Is anyone ever? Shao Fei could ask. Anything can happen, as they well know. Anything can happen, and it often does, and when those new gauntlets drop down in their paths, all they can do in the face of it is choose what type of person they want to be.

That's not what he's saying, though. That's not the question he doesn't know how to ask.

I'll never be out of danger, will I? It'll always find its way back to me, one way or another.

If he doesn't put it into words, then he doesn't have to hear the answer.

Shao Fei wraps his arms around him a little tighter.

“I think we will,” he says. “That way of life you're getting away from is still going to be there, those bad people will still exist in the world, but it doesn't have to touch you if you don't let it. And I think there will be times when it feels like it's never going to get better, like it'll never be over, but I know you won't give up. Whatever you want, you'll find a way to get it.”

The demons living inside of you, I'll help you chase them all away.

Tang Yi tilts his head back a bit and holds Shao Fei's hand in his.

“You're the only one in the world who thinks that.”

Shao Fei smiles.

“Because I'm the only one in the world who knows you.”

And don't you forget it.

Squeezing Shao Fei's hand, Tang Yi lets it go and stands up from the swing, taking a step away before he turns back around toward the house.

“We should probably go back in,” he says. “Xu Yang will be home soon?”

A sudden warmth kindles in Shao Fei's heart at Tang Yi's words, his casual acknowledgment of such a plain truth. This place, this home isn't just his anymore, and it never will be, not again. Whatever else happens, whatever battles they still have left to fight, they all have someplace to come back to, someplace to belong. No matter what.

“Mm.” Shao Fei nods. “I think so. When I talked to him this morning before he left for school, he was pretty clear that he'd be coming straight home today.”

As if he could do anything less.

Taking one last glance up at the clear sky, Tang Yi starts walking, a measured pace as Shao Fei strides across the yard to join him. Now that everything is behind them, why don't they leave it there? Sure, why not? What would be the harm in just walking away, as though it never happened at all?

Shao Fei looks at Tang Yi as they walk, at his sturdy expression, his careful poise. His masterful calm.

No, they won't do themselves that disservice. They won't give in to that impulse to forget.

Tang Yi opens the front door, and Shao Fei follows him inside.

“We've still got some time left,” Shao Fei says. “What do you want to do?”

Anything at all, you know. It's all there waiting for you to take it. He doesn't say as much, but Tang Yi hears the words all the same. The whole world laid out at his feet, every challenge and every obstacle waiting to be overcome. Every prize waiting to be won.

Tang Yi casts his eyes around the foyer, up the stairs and down the hall.

“I haven't had a good cup of tea in a long time.”

A thousand little things.

“Your tea set is in the same place as always,” Shao Fei says. “I think we have some rice cakes in the refrigerator.”

Nodding, his eyes still wandering, Tang Yi makes his way to the kitchen to gather up all the pieces he needs. Shao Fei only hesitates a moment before he goes to the living room, picking up a white book with the title printed on the cover and no pictures, opening it to somewhere near the middle.

Which part do you want to remember the most? the words scrawled across the page. Would you stop time in that moment, if you could? Wouldn't you, when you thought everything was perfect?

Shao Fei closes his eyes and leans his head on top of the backrest.

But you never know what might happen next.

A few minutes pass, then a shuffle and a clatter; he opens his eyes again as Tang Yi sets the tea tray down on the coffee table, taking a seat on the couch and lifting the dish of dried leaves in front of his face.

Shao Fei smiles.

Sitting back up, he sets the book aside to watch Tang Yi prepare the tea, his elegant movements only slightly out of practice as he pours steaming water into the teapot, the tea into the fairness pitcher. He gives each step is proper due, patient and deliberate, muscle memory dusting off and carrying him through, and the tea is the perfect amber color when he's finished, of course; as if Tang Yi would allow himself anything less.

As it happens, the sound of the opening front door takes them both by surprise.

They look at one another briefly, some small reassurance, and Tang Yi returns his attentions to the tea tray just long enough to cover the fragrance cups before they both stand.

“I told you,” Shao Fei murmurs, looking down the hall toward the door.

Tang Yi nods.

It isn't a moment longer before Xu Yang appears, clutching the straps of his backpack tight, his eyes bright and focused. Shao Fei hangs back as Tang Yi takes a step forward, stopping in between the coffee table and the armchair, close enough to touch, not enough to impose.

“Xu Yang,” he says.

Clutching his backpack straps, Xu Yang only looks at him. A second passes, then a few more.

The turn is a small one, but Xu Yang takes it sharply, stalking down the hall toward his room without a word.

Tang Yi looks over his shoulder, and Shao Fei furrows his brow. They've talked about this so many times, wanted it so badly for so long; is he afraid that the picture in his head hasn't come perfectly to life? Is something missing, something they've forgotten? Shao Fei is just on the verge of heading down the hall himself when they hear Xu Yang's footsteps pacing back across the floor and he appears again, unburdened of his backpack and changed from his uniform into one of his favorite shirts. Stopping in front of Tang Yi, he tips his head back to gaze at him evenly, assessing in that way he has as Tang Yi waits with practiced ease and Shao Fei's breathing begins to slow uncertainly.

The moments, the seconds pass in stillness until Xu Yang breaks it in one sudden move, taking a step forward and wrapping his arms around Tang Yi's waist, pressing in close and holding on tight. Tang Yi only hesitates an instant before he returns the embrace, his hold no less firm until Xu Yang looks up again, waiting for Tang Yi to meet his unwavering stare before he dares to loosen his grip.

“Are you going to stay?”

Can you promise me this isn't some clever masquerade?

Setting his hands on Xu Yang's shoulders, Tang Yi kneels down in front of him without hesitation, so unbearably sincere that Shao Fei has no doubt he knows exactly what he's doing, exactly what he's saying. Exactly what's being asked of him, and everything it means.

“I'm staying,” he says. “I promise.”

Xu Yang looks straight into his eyes as he nods.

“Good.”

Tang Yi nods back.

“Xu Yang,” he says as he takes his hands away and sets them on his knee, “would you like to help me make dinner?”

Abruptly disoriented, Shao Fei tries to think of what Tang Yi might have found in the cabinets and the refrigerator to make into a proper meal before he remembers that it's only about four thirty, and there's still time to run to the store, if he has something specific in mind.

Xu Yang begins to fidget his hand inside his sleeve.

“I have homework,” he says.

Tang Yi tilts his head a bit. “That's okay. I probably have to go out and do a little shopping first anyway, I can wait for you. You like spicy food, don't you?”

Xu Yang glances at Shao Fei out of the corner of his eye.

“Spicy food and Coke.”

“Ah.” Tang Yi casts a glance at Shao Fei as well, but Shao Fei only folds his arms across his chest, edging back as if to physically remove himself from any culpability, and Tang Yi resigns himself to a reluctant sigh.

“It seems that I'm already fighting a losing battle on that front.”

“But I bet it would be good with tea too, though,” Xu Yang rushes to assure him. “Spicy food. I've never had it that way, but I bet it would be good.”

There's plenty of room here for all of them. Plenty of room to fit in, in the spaces they make for each other.

Tang Yi smiles.

“We can try both ways,” he says. “For now, why don't you go on and start your homework, and I'll get things ready for when you're done.”

Nodding, Xu Yang nevertheless hesitates as Tang Yi stands, waiting until Shao Fei ventures from his spot on the other side of the coffee table to Tang Yi's side before he takes his leave.

Shao Fei grins and leans in closer.

“You're definitely going to be the favorite parent.”

Casting him a skeptical look, Tang Yi makes his way back to his seat on the couch. “That's a baseless claim.”

“Come on, after he sees you in the kitchen and tries one of your dishes?” Shao Fei sits down as well and sets his hands on his knees. “I won't stand a chance.”

“Nonsense.” Leaning forward, Tang Yi turns his head around in the general direction of Xu Yang's exit. “He wants to know if I'm as good a cook as Jack, doesn't he? I'm simply trying to measure up to his standards, I'm sure you've done plenty of other things to prove yourself.”

Shao Fei nearly laughs at the assurance, the downright normalcy of it all. The two of them, the three of them, as if it's been this way for as long as any of them can remember.

He nearly laughs. He doesn't quite make it.

“You don't have to,” he says instead, looking around at the side of Tang Yi's face, the angle of his jawline, turned away. “You know that, right? You're here, that's all he wants.”

Tang Yi huffs a short breath, his mocking smile mostly self-directed.

“Call it making up for lost time.”

Call it making the most of all we have. Call it righting all the wrongs strewn about these terrible places where we've found ourselves. Everything we never had a chance to fix before. Every chance we might have had if we hadn't given up before we knew that it was even there for us to find.

Every life we might have saved.

Shao Fei slips his arm behind Tang Yi's back and pulls himself in against his side as Tang Yi wraps his arm around his shoulders without a thought, the most natural thing in the world.

“You haven't lost any time,” Shao Fei says. “You and Xu Yang. None of it was wasted.”

Tang Yi hums softly.

Shao Fei holds him tighter.

A little while later, after the memories have settled down behind them, after the what-ifs and maybe-thens have gone away for now, Tang Yi takes his arm from around Shao Fei and leans closer to the tea tray, uncovering one of the fragrance cups and setting it down beside the pot.

“Huh,” Shao Fei murmurs, furrowing his eyebrows at the sight of the cool drinks. “Do you want to make a fresh pot?”

Tang Yi shakes his head.

“Maybe later.”

They've got time, after all. As much as they want.

Shao Fei leans against Tang Yi's side and rests his head on his shoulder.

They've got time.

Chapter Text

It's harder than he expected.

The long hours, the late nights. Shao Fei didn't think everything in the world would magically fall into place for them the moment Tang Yi got out of prison, that their lives would become some fantasy right out of the movies, but he did sort of figure there would be...more. Not that what they do have is nothing, of course; even something as simple as falling asleep with Tang Yi in his arms at night and waking beside him the next morning still seems wonderfully unreal, but it's just that he somehow imagined that having Tang Yi back home would mean seeing him for more than about twenty minutes in the morning before work and an hour or two at the end of the day before bed. They're making an effort, they're doing their best, but between the two of them, the rigors of being a police captain and the challenge of rejoining a company that's been moving on without him for so long—

No, no. Tang Yi is doing fine; this one's all on him. Forces outside his control, technically, but still.

Shao Fei scowls as he pulls into the driveway at half past ten. His team is more than pulling their weight, but this damn case is taking so much out of all of them that he'd suspect Interpol of stalling their progress just to mess with him, if not for the fact that the longer it drags on, the more incompetent it makes them look. He wonders, not for the first time, how much longer this is going to go on, or how much longer he'll be able to put up with it; how much longer can he pretend that this is enough, that this is all they deserve? That they should be grateful for whatever small favors they can scrape together, every glimpse of all they've worked so hard for?

Sliding out of the car, he closes the door behind him a little too hard, the sound louder than he expected, and shakes his head. These things happen as they happen; they're all doing their best.

That's just how life is.

Shao Fei hunches his shoulders against the chill in the air. There's no need to be so dramatic about all this; they're settling into their new routines and figuring things out as they go, it's only natural that it isn't perfect right from the start. Anyway, this case won't last forever. It's just bad timing, that's all.

Pulling the front door open, he tries to put his long day behind him as he steps out of his shoes and into the house, frowning at the soft light spilling out from down the hall. They haven't been waiting on him for dinner, Tang Yi and Xu Yang, have they? No, they're more rational than that. Aren't they? Just because Interpol is intent on making his life a waking nightmare certainly doesn't mean they should have to suffer alongside him.

Sure, they're both plenty rational, but emotionless...hardly.

Shao Fei sighs.

“Tang Yi?” he calls, raising his voice over the sound of sizzling oil as he makes his way to the kitchen. “Are you here?”

Tang Yi doesn't reply, but as Shao Fei draws near, it isn't hard to guess why: Xu Yang stands at the stove, staring fixedly at the wok in front of him as Tang Yi hovers off to the side, eyebrows arched as he peers in at what looks like steaming spicy gnocchi and sausage.

“There,” Tang Yi says when Shao Fei stops beside him, “you see? Perfect timing.”

Xu Yang barely nods his acknowledgment as he stirs the gnocchi, and Shao Fei is somehow equally touched and annoyed at their ridiculous thoughtfulness.

“Tang Yi,” he says lowly, doing his best to keep his tone even despite the deep scowl lining his brow. “I told you I'd be home late, why did you wait for me to have dinner?”

Turning toward him, crossing his arms over his chest, Tang Yi opens his mouth to respond just in time for Xu Yang to beat him to it.

“We didn't,” he says. “We had chicken before. This is for you.”

Make that touched, embarrassed, and slightly ashamed. Schooling his expression as quickly as he can manage, Shao Fei steps closer to look into the wok.

“You made me dinner?”

“Mm,” Xu Yang mumbles. “After you called. Dad said you'd forget to eat while you were working and this is better for you than instant noodles.” He stirs the gnocchi again. “Is it done?”

It would be an unfair accusation if it wasn't completely, undeniably true. Shao Fei smiles as Tang Yi sets his arm across his back and leans around him to get a better look at the stove.

“It looks good to me,” Tang Yi says. “Are you going to check?”

Still unshakably focused on his work, Xu Yang presses the edge of his spatula against one of the gnocchi and nods to himself, reaching to the counter beside him for the spoon sitting there to dip it into the sauce and lift it to his lips before he turns off the heat.

Come to think of it, it was only a couple of hours ago that Shao Fei called. How quickly did they pull this all together? Or maybe the better question is, how long has Tang Yi been waiting for this to happen? Days, weeks. Months. Who knows?

They take care of each other, is the important thing.

Shao Fei reaches out to ruffle Xu Yang's hair.

“Thank you,” he says. “This is exactly what I needed.”

Xu Yang raises his eyes to Shao Fei's hand on his head with a small frown. “I still have to get the Coke.”

Tang Yi sighs, a weary put-on, and Shao Fei grins as he takes his hand back. “Of course.”

“And there's rice.”

“Oh yeah?” Shao Fei glances past him to the rice cooker, the “Keep Warm” light glowing red. “It seems like you thought of everything.”

“We certainly tried,” Tang Yi says, picking up the wok to spoon the gnocchi into a serving bowl as Xu Yang averts his eyes and turns away at Shao Fei's praise. “And of course I still need to take every chance I can get to prove that my cooking skills measure up to Jack's.”

“You're better,” Xu Yang says instantly, emerging from the refrigerator with the Coke bottle clutched to his chest.

“Am I?” Tang Yi says with a teasing smile. “Shall I make some chili oil for your fried rice?”

Xu Yang purses his lips. “You could,” he says indignantly. “I only said I liked his a little more.”

“No, no,” Tang Yi dismisses as he brings the wok over to the sink, “I know my place.”

“He could,” Xu Yang mutters to Shao Fei. “And I like his omelet rice more than Uncle Jack's, too.”

Shao Fei hums under his breath with a conspiratorial nod. Unsurprisingly, they haven't had time for cooking lessons every single day since Tang Yi's return home, but even with the somewhat inconsistent schedule resulting from his reintegrating himself into the work at Shi Hai Corporation, plus all of Xu Yang's schoolwork, the two of them have managed to make dinner together six times over the past two weeks that Shao Fei knows of, plus one impromptu Saturday breakfast. It didn't take long for Xu Yang to identify a stark difference in Tang Yi's and Jack's cooking methods, not to mention their teaching styles, and although he adamantly refuses to declare a firm preference for either one, based on nothing more than the number of times he's mentioned how much he likes this or that recipe that Tang Yi has taught him, Shao Fei has a sneaking suspicion he isn't as equally minded toward the two of them as he claims.

For the time being, Shao Fei glances over his shoulder to where Tang Yi stands washing dishes. “Well, you know he has his pride. But, come on, you want to sit with me while I eat?”

Xu Yang nods, taking a step to follow Shao Fei toward the dining area before he turns back to look up at Tang Yi imploringly until he comes along to join them.

This is just how life is.

The conversation flows easily, as it always seems to do around the dinner table; most of Xu Yang's teachers are ramping up their classwork in this last week before winter break, giving more and harder assignments before they run out of time, though by Xu Yang's estimation, his math instructor is an exception, choosing instead to go easy on them, much to Xie Jian Qing's relief and Zhang Qing Yuan's dismay. Tang Yi adds in a somewhat derisive comment about Xu Yang's history teacher that Xu Yang counters by pointing out that it's only natural for her to have been surprised when he handed in an extra credit essay about the potential international ramifications of territorial disputes between rival real estate corporations, and anyway, she still gave him a good grade.

“As she should have done,” Tang Yi says. “You argued your points very well, even Han Ling Li told me she was impressed.”

Xu Yang shrugs, and Tang Yi smiles.

“In any event,” he says, glancing down at his watch, “you've still got two more days of school before winter break. Time for bed after this.”

Xu Yang nods. “Dad,” he says as Shao Fei starts to pick up his last bite of rice, “how much longer do you have to work so late?”

Lowering his gaze to the nearly-empty bowl in front of him, Shao Fei sets his chopsticks back down and presses his lips together. He tries not to feel too selfish asking for much more than what they already have, but the timing on all of this really couldn't be any worse.

“Hopefully not long,” he says, “but I can't tell you for sure. This is Interpol's case still, and they probably want to finish their work with us as soon as they can, but until they find everything that they need to get it all wrapped up, they pretty much get to take charge however they want.”

“They don't seem to be very good at their jobs.”

Tang Yi grins delightedly as Shao Fei sighs.

“Well, this is a very complicated case.”

Fidgeting his hand into his shirt sleeve, Xu Yang looks down at the table, at Shao Fei's decimated meal, and nods to himself.

“I'll learn how to cook better,” he says. “When school is on break, when I have more time to practice, I can make better dinners.”

They take care of each other.

Shao Fei and Tang Yi glance across the table at one another as the humor of the whole situation suddenly begins to sour, the joke of it all becoming so much less so. They take care of each other, sure, of course, but there's a balance to these sorts of things, a limit to how much they can ask before it all becomes too much.

Shao Fei shifts his gaze to meet Xu Yang's and tries to smile anyway.

“I'll see what I can do.”

Meng Shao Fei can do anything he sets his mind to, of course. Especially when he's not doing it alone.

***

Lies always come easier in the dark, under the cover of night. “I'm fine, I'm fine.” Such kind words are much easier to believe when it's hard to see the space around them.

Shao Fei finishes rubbing his hair dry and hangs the towel on the back of the bathroom door, pushing it open to find Tang Yi sitting in his chair in the corner, his vacant eyes turned toward the floor, that spot where he tossed the clothes he'd worn home from prison as soon as he was able. That spot where they stayed, all evening and all night long, until Shao Fei gathered them up the next morning and brought them down to the kitchen to put into a trash bag and hide away underneath all the greasy chicken bones and broken vegetables stems.

He walks slowly, waiting to be sure Tang Yi sees his reflection in the windows before Shao Fei sets his chin down on his shoulder and wraps his arms around his chest.

“Bad night?”

Reaching up to lay his hand over Shao Fei's, Tang Yi turns his head a bit, catching sight of him out of the corner of his eye as his mouth curves into an easy smile.

“I'll be all right.”

It might be true. These things are hard to predict, but it might. And even if it isn't, if another thread snaps that's helping to hold him up on his feet, Shao Fei will be there to tie it back together. If the nightmares come back again, if they're even worse than last time, Shao Fei will be there to turn on the light.

“I love you,” he says.

It's nice to hear the words out loud every now and again.

Tang Yi wraps his hand around Shao Fei's and rubs his thumb over the back of his wrist.

It's good to remember, from time to time, how far it is they've come. Even when everything gets very hard, even when it feels like it's never going to be enough, the moments like this help to carry them on.

All of this.

“Every day,” Tang Yi says, “I think of how lucky I am to have you.”

Shao Fei tilts his head to rest their temples together.

“I could say the same.”

Tang Yi hums a quiet note, his gaze slipping back to their reflections.

“Liu Zong Kang accompanied me to see my parole officer today,” he says. “He won't come every time, but because this was the first meeting, he felt it would be beneficial.”

Shao Fei adjusts his arms around Tang Yi, tightening his hold. “How did it go?”

“Oh, fine.” Tang Yi keeps mindlessly rubbing Shao Fei's wrist, an idle source of calm, a single point of focus. “The visits will be quite routine from now on, I think. But I asked him, afterwards, if he had any advice for us about how to go about adopting Xu Yang, if there might be anything he can do to help.”

“Oh?” Shao Fei raises his eyebrows, wondering somewhere in the back of his mind why he isn't more surprised. “What did he say?”

Taking a slow breath, Tang Yi drops his hand from Shao Fei's, his eyes going soft in the faint sketch of them in the windowpane. “He said it's to our advantage that you're his legal guardian already,” he says. “We may be able to avoid bringing his birth parents into things.”

“Mm, that's good.”

Tang Yi nods.

The silence that follows is a weighted one, all full of hesitation, reluctance, fear of breaking something fragile. Too good to be true, too much of everything he's ever wanted.

The lies are so much louder in the dark.

Shao Fei drops his arms and steps around to Tang Yi's side, reaching for his hand as Tang Yi stands to meet him.

“It'll take as long as it takes,” he says firmly.

Tang Yi's chin drops toward his chest as he smiles, turning his palm over to knit his fingers together with Shao Fei's and raising their clasped hands to press them to his lips.

“You know it's going to be difficult. The courts won't be very supportive.”

“Well then,” Shao Fei says with all the confidence he can find in him, “it's good that we're so determined.”

It's good that we found each other when we did. It's good that we held on tight, that we fought so hard for everything we wanted. That we'll keep on fighting until there's nothing left to give, until there's nothing left to gain.

It's good that we've found something so worth fighting for.

Opening his hand, closing it again around Shao Fei's, Tang Yi picks his head back up with a calmer expression than Shao Fei expected, settled in a way he hasn't seemed to be in a long while.

“There is no one in this world I would rather have beside me than you.”

Shao Fei smiles, his eyes crinkling up at the corners.

“Careful,” he says. “You might say something you can't take back.”

“I'll say it again.” Tang Yi holds his gaze, overwhelming in his certainty. “I'll say it forever.”

Shao Fei's smile starts to weaken around the edges as the air around them starts to thin, the planet tilting slightly off its axis, his balance shifted side to side.

“Are you...”

Tang Yi lifts his free hand to frame Shao Fei's face, his index finger pressing lightly at the juncture beneath his ear.

“Can't you tell?”

Shao Fei laughs, a clumsy little sound. “You're Tang Yi,” he says. “Why would you be proposing to me?”

It's not a real question. He doesn't mean it. But the world has gone sideways, upside down and inside out, and what else is he supposed to do?

Tang Yi slides his hand back to cradle his head more securely.

“Your reply?”

What comes next?

Come on now. What else is there?

Shao Fei presses his lips to Tang Yi's, tilting his head and letting himself be held in place until Tang Yi pulls him in closer, the rest of the world fading away as their eyes fall shut. Just this, that's all there is. That's enough.

There are still so many questions left, but what they need right now isn't answers. No. Just the warmth of a gentle embrace, the hush of acceptance.

Leaning back, not too far, barely enough to look Tang Yi in the eye, Shao Fei smiles at him, wrapping his arms around his waist.

“You're really telling me you're the lucky one?”

Tang Yi smiles back, running his thumb over the arch of Shao Fei's cheekbone.

“You can't imagine how much.”

Shaking his head, Shao Fei leans in for another kiss. That's not a matter they'll ever agree on, he's fairly certain; well, it doesn't really matter. This life of theirs, it's one worth waiting for.

They've got all the time they need.