Chapter Text
Cincinnati, Ohio
September 1st, 1993
September greeted Hamilton County with rain, grey clouds menacingly frowning over the neighborhood. The post boy flew by, ringing the bell on his bike loud enough for everyone to hear, then disappeared down the street, probably to devour his mother’s pancakes.
Natasha stirred awake, stretching under her covers, hand bumping the paperback she’d fallen asleep to the previous night. So that’s where it went. Some of the pages were slightly bent so she attempted straightening them, flattening the surface with her fingers before placing the book back onto her nightstand. Matilda would have to wait until the afternoon.
Somebody must have snuck in at some point during the night, most probably Melina, because Yelena’s nightlight had been turned off, the butterfly quite boring now without its neon glow. A pile of laundry stood neatly folded on top of their dresser, the clothes smelling faintly of lavender when Natasha passed them by en route to the bathroom.
The water hit cold against her face, knuckles vigorously rubbing the sleep away under the sound of the running tap. She yawned, then stuffed a toothbrush in her mouth, squeezing a dollop of toothpaste over Yelena’s too.
A strip of white was peeking under her pajama shirt in the reflection of the mirror, where the one-piece had hugged her just a few days prior, the skin at least a shade lighter than the rest of her. Last remnants of a summer now gone.
It was an ordinary magic of sorts, to witness nature shy away and fade into amber. She’d felt strangely at peace, running back home for dinner every evening, under the dome of evanescent greenery, and crunching yellowed leaves with her sneakers. Freedom was idyllic, it had turned out, and so unlike the threatening image the Red Room had put in her head, one of fear and deception, of having no place to belong to.
And as if on cue, a clock went off next door, loud and invasive, hauntingly reminiscent of an emergency siren. Not strong enough to send her spiralling, but startling nonetheless. Ohio is safe, Natasha gulped, staring at the swaying trees outside, a single chill running through her. At least for the time being.
*
It was a little past seven when Natasha made it into the kitchen, drawn in by the smell of breakfast. Her trousers brushed the floor ever so slightly, flannel flailing behind her as she made her way down the stairs.
“Good morning,” she flew by Melina and Alexei, prying the fridge open with orange juice on her mind. She’d grown a liking to it ever since she’d first tried it four months ago, so rich and colourful and full of flavour, that she was willing never to go back to water.
“Good morning yourself. Sleep well?”
Melina had this smile on her face, the knowing one, when she brought the mug to her lips. They’d stayed up late last night for once, arguing heatedly over a board game, before she’d herded the girls off to bed.
It wasn’t like her to linger, painfully aware of how intimate it was to fall asleep under somebody’s watchful eye. Yet it would’ve been wrong, to push Yelena’s hand away when it pulled so softly on her own.
‘Stay, mama?’
She’d hesitated, perhaps she shouldn’t have. But it was difficult, to shove her past back far enough so there was room for one such emotional attachment. She couldn’t blame Yelena for craving affection, for longing for her touch and for her time of day. She was just this tiny human, naïve and susceptible and vulnerable, unable to separate loving from breathing. And Melina? Melina was a jagged edge, coming apart at every mama, fearful of being judged for not stroking her daughter’s face. It isn’t real, the voice kept whispering. Yet, here she was.
‘It’s late. You need to sleep.’
She’d turned the nightlight on, its faint glow kissing Yelena’s cheeks the way she herself couldn’t, giving them each a tired smile before leaving them for the night.
Or so she’d thought.
She’d sneaked back in around two, carefully removing Alexei’s arm from her waist and wrapping a silky robe around her frame. The girls were sleeping soundly, even Natasha with her book spread open on her chest. She would’ve removed it, but she knew now, how easy the redhead startled. That night, Melina was just not prepared to handle both of their demons all at once.
“Yeah,” Natasha sat across the table, eyes darting between mom and dad, and the swirling liquid in her glass as she poured the juice “You shaved.”
“You like it?” Alexei grinned at her when she nodded, folding his newspaper in half to reach out and rough up her hair “Big day today. Are you excited?”
“Should I be?”
Natasha shrugged, sinking deeper into her chair. She could hear the rain again, drumming against the roof and blending in with that song on the radio Yelena liked. School wasn’t something that she felt like discussing yet, not before she’d seen it for herself and even warmed up to the fact she had to attend at all. Luckily for her, Melina was good at reading faces, emotions even more so.
“Can you get your sister? It’s nearing eight.”
Natasha gave her a curt nod, sliding out of her seat and sprinting up the stairs, grateful for the distraction. She passed by her school bag, resenting the thought she’d have to spend the entire day among strangers and away from the little comfort her bed provided. But mission was mission and there were worse ways to waste those six hours.
“Lena?” She found her in the bathroom, perched up on the windowsill and staring at the downpour outside “You okay?”
“I don’t want to go, it’s scary,” She’d slid on a long sleeve under her corduroy dress, its colourful stripes going all the way to her fingers.
“It’s just rain. Unless you mean school, in that case, I’m not too stoked either. But don’t tell anyone,” Natasha winked at her, offering her a hand, the blue of Lena’s sneakers bright against the faded tile “Listen, how about we just make it through today? I promise I’ll be there to pick you up and you can tell me all about it. Deal?”
“Okay. Can I bring my bunny, too?”
“Of course. Now let’s go eat.”
*
“Everybody strapped in?”
She watched the garage door close, carefully running her fingers over the braid in her hair, courtesy of Melina. Her hands shook a little, though safe inside the pockets of her jacket, a tiny bit afraid of what was to come. She wasn’t special, only about the millionth kid to be sent off like that today. But the Red Room had left a bitter taste inside her mouth when it came to institutions. So, naturally, she was bracing herself for the worst. Be it just public school.
Yelena seemed to have cheered up, babbling something about a princess castle in the back seat right beside her. The windshield wipers came and went, like the metronome in her ballet class, traffic quickly building up around them. The lights were all blurred out, washed away by the storm.
They were in a queue now, barely moving forward, car doors opening to let the brightly coloured toddlers and their parents out. The kindergarten towered to her right, its red brick façade warm and inviting.
“You ready to go, Lena?” Melina picked up her umbrella, fingers clutching the doorknob.
Yelena sighed, undoing her belt, and throwing a quick look at Natasha. For reassurance.
“Remember what you promised me.”
“You too. Bye, Nattie. Bye daddy.”
“Have a good day, котенок.”
They walked together, Melina and Lena, hand in hand. Something inside Natasha burned. She wasn’t young enough to have that, to hold onto Melina’s skirt and have her hand brush against her face. She wiped a tear off her cheek, quickly before Alexei saw and Melina returned, her trench coat blowing in the wind.
“Teacher seemed nice,” Alexei threw in, swerving into traffic again.
“She was. But you can never be sure. Natasha, dear,” she turned around for a brief moment, flashing the redhead a smile “Roll up your pants. It just couldn’t have picked a worse day to pour like that.”
“Don’t take it as a bad omen, Lina. What do you say, Nat? You liking the rain?”
“It’s refreshing. Makes it more tangible.”
“Tangible? Where did you learn that?”
“My book?” Natasha offered.
“Right. I think you completely got this whole school thing. They got nothing on you.”
She saw Alexei smile in the rear-view mirror, feeling a pull in the corner of her own lips.
The car grinded to a halt in front of yet another imposing building. She could hear the cheers from here, the kids running around, chasing each other despite the downpour. They looked happy, carefree, something Natasha wasn’t used to seeing.
“Well, this is it, fox,” they were looking at her weird, Melina and Alexei, something beaming in their eyes she couldn’t understand “You got this.”
We’ll see about that. But for now, let’s just make it through the day.