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In hindsight, this was the worst idea Laurence had ever had. But he was trapped here, and couldn’t leave without looking like the goddamn fool he was. Fuck the natural consequences of his actions.
Before, the plan seemed so brilliant, so ingenious, the pinnacle of brilliance. Laurence loved his hair so very much, and kept it’s upkeep very seriously, in order to keep dying it to look closer to his sister’s. But because he took so many hair vitamins and that nasty tasting potion Lucinda brewed for him every month in order to counteract the effects of the strong-ass chemicals he used, his hair grew inordinately fast. That meant, more often than not, Laurence and Cadenza were touching up his roots. But his darling sister was out of town, as she often was, and his roots were very, very brown. And he needed her to get to the back of his head, so what was a man to do?
And like the horrible idiot he was, he asked Aphmau to help.
He realized far too late that he could’ve asked literally anyone else. Literally anyone else could've helped him, but no one could save him now. When he casually broached the topic to her, his reasoning was that because Malachi had been asking for dyed hair, wouldn’t it be better to get some practice before dyeing her son’s hair?
“Aren’t you worried about me messing up your dye job?” Aphmau had asked, doubt filling her voice that he loved so, “I know how much you care about your hair, and I would feel really bad if I did something bad to it.”
Irene, it would be easier if she just bashed his head in. This was one of the many reasons that he was head over fucking heels for one of his dearest friends, she just always cared so much! Maybe it was because she was a mother and her maternal instincts just kicked in seeing his messy ass, but whatever the reason, it made his lovestruck heart melt.
Now, if he wasn’t such an idiot whenever it came to Aph, he would’ve responded with some smooth quip, like how he only let pretty girls ruin his hair. But ever since he developed these,, what did Garroth call them? “Actual, genuine feelings for Aph, Laur, please deal with them before you implode.”? his natural flirty demeanor simply vanished when she was near.
“Don’t worry, Aph,” he only muttered, desperately avoiding her eyes, “I trust you.”
Now, the next part of his dilemma, a secret that only Cadenza and Garroth knew about Laurence was that he loved having his hair be played with. Like a cat, if someone even as so much brushed up against his hair, he turned into an ooey-gooey mess. When he schemed as Garroth half-listened with raised eyebrows, it seemed to be a perfect plan. Not only did he get to hang out with Aph one on one-
“You could just ask to hang out with her like a normal person, Laur.” Garroth had interjected, not even looking up from his toenails that he was painting black.
“Shut the fuck up Gar,” Laurence retorted, taking his own green nail polish to paint one of Garroth’s toes.
“You whore!” Garroth cried, leading to a 15 minute wrestling match that Dante and Travis had to pry apart, only for Garroth and Laurence to team up against them. Nothing unites two enemies like beating their roommates with pillows.
Once they finally all flopped down on Laurence’s bed a mess of tangled limbs, Laurence’s mind continued to run rampant. He just wanted to be near Aphmau all the time, to soak in her presence like sunlight. He just wanted to pepper her with kisses, to have her fingers in his hair, to be hers. But, he supposed as he drifted off to sleep, having her dye his hair was the next best thing.
And here he was, sitting in his bathtub in his finest sweatpants and high school gym shirt that he cropped as soon as he graduated, regretting every decision he ever made. Aphmau sat outside the tub on his toilet, gloved hands in his hair as she talked about something that he could not hear over his internal screeching.
What Laurence had realized far, far too late, was that the minute that Aph’s gloved hands made contact with his hair, yes, it was just as amazing as he thought it was going to be, but he failed to account for the fact that he was going to immediately blush like the fool he was. Sure it was soothing and felt so right, but he was unable to get the giant blush from creeping across his face. Irene, someone could replace his head with a ripe tomato and no one would be able to tell the difference. And it certainly didn't help that Aph’s knees were gently pressing into his back and her breath was on his neck. So he just sat there, thanking Irene that Aphmau couldn’t see his face, and praying that she couldn’t feel the sweat slowly soaking his shirt.
“And then, his teacher said I couldn’t send in his wolf stuffie with him everyday, but it’s like, you’re going to tell me I can’t make sure my 5 year old doesn’t start crying in the middle of class? Seriously, how did..” Aphmau blabbers as she paints the orange dye into his freshly bleached roots, completely oblivious to Laurence’s complete meltdown in the tub. Irene, he knows that he’s said he could listen to Aphmau talk all day, but this might honestly just kill him.
“But I love his new teacher! Her name is Zoey, and she’s so nice, I really think she’s gonna be a good fit for Levin!” Aph continues, and then falls silent. Oh this was, far, far worse. At least Aph’s chatter had drained out most of Laurence’s thoughts, but not they all came rushing back full force. While there were many, many, of these annoying thoughts, from running away and never coming back, to just saying fuck it and kissing Aphmau and THEN running away, his thoughts primarily centered on escape. No planning ahead after that, though after today’s fiasco, maybe that’s something he needed to start doing.
Okay, right now Laurence just needed an escape plan. If he said he needed to go to the bathroom- wait, he was in the bathroom. He could kick Aphmau out under extremely false pretenses, lock the door, and then escape out the window. He was a genius! Next course of action was to locate the window, and then make his brilliant escape.
There were no windows in this accursed bathroom.
As he began to tap his bare feet against the tub in an attempt to try and expel the nervous energy coursing through his veins, Aphmau’s hand accidentally brushed against his neck, and his entire brain just - quit. Being touch starved was normally not a problem for him, as his wonderful roommates and friends were very open to physical affection, but sometimes it just caused him to short circuit. And Irene, this was that time.
“Laur. Laur. Laaaaaaaauuuuuuuuuur.” Oh no. Oh no Aphmau was calling his name. Oh no, what did she want? Okay Laurence, think, think, think. No wait, those thoughts were about running away. Bad Laurence. Bad. “Laur? What do you think?” Okay words, words come out, he just has to open his mouth!
“I’m in love with you!”
-shit oh irene oh fuck oh shit mother of irene fucking-
“I. Uhm. Meant about the hair.”
Time for Laurence to die.
“Laurence. Laurence Zvahl. Hey, Laur, look at me. Please?” she asks, gently pulling on his shoulders. He can only wordlessly scooch spin around to face her, the extent of his even worse blush now clear, locking eyes with her own amber ones. Damn, every time he saw them, his heart screamed a little.
“Laurence, are you.... Are you being serious right now?”
He could lie. Irene, it’s so tempting but.. Damn his sense of integrity.
He nods.
“Oh my- oh my irene.” she mutters, immediately dropping eye contact, running her hands through her own hair, leaving flecks of orange.
“I’m.. I’m really sorry, Aph, I know I’ve put you in a awkward position and I’m just-”
“I didn’t want to confess in your fucking bathroom!” She cries, cutting him off.
What.
Aphmau groans, burying her head in her hands, and then very quickly whipping up, and grabbing Laurence’s hands. “Laur. Laurence. Uhm. I uhm. How long?”
“How long what?” He asks, trying to ignore the bubble in his stomach at how right it felt, even though the plastic of Aph’s gloves kept their skin from touching. Actually, that might be a good thing.
“How long… have you… been… in love with me?”
Oh. Oh. Oh. “Since… I think senior year, I think?” He says, thinking back to how he constantly wanted to be around her, how he wished that just one girl could be professing her love for him in the halls. “I, uhm, have had a crush on you since… the end of sophomore year…. Actually…. And I, uh realized, that uhm, in senior year, that it wasn’t just a crush, ya know? Like, I had uhm,... romantic feelings… for you, but it was kind of… how do I put this?” He sighs, starting to calm down a little. “I wanted to have Garroth, Dante, Travis, the entire gang, in my life forever, I didn’t want to lose them. And I just realized that I wanted that with you too, you know? ‘Cause you’re one of my closest friends, and it finally clicked that I could never truly love you like I love the guys. I wanted…. I want to kiss you, for you to kiss, for you to run your hands through my hair, I just…” He trails off, looking up into her eyes. “I just want you all the time, Aphmau. You make me want to be a better person, want to enjoy life like you do, to be a good parent like you, and to.. be part of your life. And have you be a part of mine. Forever. And I’ll be content with however that happens, but I’ll always be wanting just a little more, you know?”
He was not expecting Aphmau to start crying.
“Uhm.. Aph?”
“Nooo…. Don’t look at me…” She mutters halfheartedly, leaning forward to lay her head on Laurence’s chest, causing his heart to try and break the sound barrier. “Did you just squeak?”
“No. Absolutely not and anyone that says otherwise will be hearing from my lawyer.”
“I’ve been in love with you since my junior year.” she whispers, her grip on his shirt tightening. “I just… ran from my feelings. Katelyn or Nana or even I would accidentally bring up maybe finally confessing I would just ignore it because it hurt so much to think about it. You were, just, so cool, and how was I supposed to even pretend that someone like me could even have a chance with someone like you? And even now, almost a decade later, I still couldn’t come to terms with the fact that I might, just maybe have a chance with you. You’re just so perfect, you know? You geek out about video games, you have a closet full of thrifted clothes that you make look expensive, you write really well, my sons fucking adore you, you’re so funny, but like, in stupid ways, but you always make me laugh….and it’s just… I just love you! And oh my Irene when I let myself imagine this moment,” she laughs, tears beginning to soak his shirt, “I never imagined it would happen with you sitting in your fucking bathtub.”
Oh. Oh. Oh.
“Aphmau?”
She looks up from his chest, teary eyed and snotty nosed, and she has never looked more beautiful. “Yes?”
It was now or never.
“How much would you hate me if I asked you to be my girlfriend while still in said bathtub?”
She laughs that damn laugh, and Irene, if she asked him to jump off a cliff or go brunette forever, he would do it, just for her. “I’m tempted to hit you except I’d much rather..” she trails off, her own blush creeping across her face.
“Much rather what?” He laughs, running a hand down her face, a teasing tone entering his voice. “You know, I’m not a mind reader, Aph. If I was, we’d have been together by now.”
She just glares at him, a smile tugging at her lips. “I’m trying to decide if I want to kiss you before or after I say yes to being your girlfriend, if you must know.”
He had to be cool and suave, he had to be cool and suave, he had to be cool and suave. “You know,” he says with a shrug he can only hope is cool, “You can just do both.”
“I think you’re right,” she giggles and leans forward, and he finally catches her lips on his own. If high school Laurence could see him now! It’s awkward at first, both of their hands unsure to go, noses squished against each other’s faces, but that’s okay, because well, he has a lifetime to figure this out, doesn’t he?
She pulls away, and leans her forehead against his. “Yes.” She whispers, the word ghosting over his lips.
“Yes what?” he murmurs, dazed by all of this, happening so quickly.
“Yes, I’ll be your girlfriend, Laur.”
Nevermind. He was a genius. This was the best plan he had ever had. His brilliance may have confused even him, but it had gotten him this far, hadn’t it?
“I think you owe me another kiss,” he crowed, and pulled her into the tub with him.
Aph had given him the kiss, and then a few more because, “I’m just that good at kissing, huh?” “Shut up, Laur.” until Aphmau had decided that she had had enough of their main relationship firsts being in his bathtub, and dragged him out to go get a snack from the kitchen.
But, because the world works in mysterious, mysterious ways, not one, not two, but all three of his roommates were draped over the couch. Maybe they just wouldn’t see him and Aphmau! Yes, his day was going very very well, so it could happen, he would just have to be very, very sneaky.
“Laurence, where the hell do you keep your chips?”
His girlfriend, and oh that felt so right to say, was going to be the death of him.
Immediately, all three flip around to stare at them, and then immediately start cackling.
“Hey!” Laurence tries to yell over the din of their laughter. “What’s the big idea?”
“Look, look in the mirror, both of you!” Dante chortles, clutching his sides.
Aphmau pulls open her camera and Laurence realizes far too late that the two of them are covered in smears of orange dye, like they had just fallen into a giant hole filled with cheetos. “Guess I never took these off,” she says sheepishly, wiggling her still gloved hands.
Normally, Laurence would be horribly peeved, but today is a good day, and not even being covered in orange dye could possibly ruin it. He only takes Aphmau’s hands and begins to peel off the gloves.
“What were you two doing in there?” Travis asks, genuine confusion in his voice, not seeing the looks Garroth and Aphmau were both casting him.
Pulling off a glove, Laurence grabs Aph’s hand and brings it to his lips. “It’s a long story, isn’t it?
She flushes as she watches him press a kiss to her knuckles. “Lucky for us, we have all the time in the world.”