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When the Karasuno Volleyball Club's third years graduated, they did so with promises to stay in touch, with each other and with the rest of the club. In Asahi's case though, that...didn't quite work out. And Asahi was very different now.
It will be fine, Asahi thought. They'll be okay with you, or they won't. If they are, great. If they aren't, it'll hurt but we'll move on. We've done it before. We know who we are now, and rejection can't take that from us. And Asahi knew it was true, and it was a mantra that had been on constant replay in the last few years. And Asahi was still scared shitless.
These were my best friends. These were the people who helped me become who I am, who supported me on and off the court, who haven't seen or heard from me in almost ten years because I dropped off the face of the damn planet. I relied on this team, and they relied on me. They were the only good thing in my life back then. I thought I'd always have them, no matter how long it's been or how far apart we are. I guess now it's time to find out if that's true.
Asahi's hands shook, the door to the old gym creaked open, and a court full of familiar eyes turned to the newcomer.
"Oh, hi! Are you lost?" Suga asked warmly. Asahi tugged on a length of brown hair.
"...No. No, I'm in the right place." Deep breath. "I'm Asahi. Azumane Asahi?"
Here it was, the stunned silence. The moment when Asahi's friends saw her for the first time, the way she really was. It had taken years of shots and pills and laser hair removal and a million other things, and she wasn't sure if she was really the end product yet but she knew she looked so, so very different. She was still tall, taller than most men, but she liked the way her weight sat on her now. Curvy and soft, if a little plump. She liked that her size hid how broad her shoulders were, accented her waist and hips, softened her severe jawline. She liked the dress she was wearing, and her light eyeshadow. She liked herself.
Still, no matter how many times she reintroduced herself to people, this moment always felt like worms inside her belly.
She could have heard a pin drop, so it sounded very loud when Daichi cleared their throat. "Well, um, welcome back! What do we call you now?"
God, Asahi could have cried. "I kept my name," she said, giving the team a wavering smile. "I liked it too much to change it, you know?" Tanaka finally picked his jaw off the ground.
"So, lemme just--you're a woman?" Asahi nodded, looking at the floor. "She/her pronouns?" Asahi nodded. "Did you know when we were teammates?" Asahi bit her lip.
"I suspected," she admitted. "I wasn't...ready to admit it to myself back then though. I wasn't hiding it on purpose."
"Um, I'm a little lost," Kageyama spoke up. Asahi felt her gut twist.
"Well--"
"She's a trans woman, asshole," Tsukishima glared. "Got a problem with it?" Kageyama tilted his head.
"Why would I have a problem with it?" he asked, confused.
Asahi was drawn away from the ensuing argument by a soft hand on her arm. Looking down, she saw Suga beaming up at her with a gentle expression.
"Welcome home, Asahi-chan," he said. Asahi promptly ruined her makeup with tears.
Then, just as Yachi (sweet, sweet Yachi, bless her soul eternally) gave her a tissue to blot at her running mascara, Asahi heard a voice that made her stomach flip.
"Woah, Suga-san! I'm gone for a couple years and you show up with a gorgeous lady? I'm so jealous!"
Asahi sucked in a bracing breath, crushing the tissue in her hand. It was okay. She'd been pushing this part to the back of her mind--because, yeah, okay, Noya had meant the world to her in high school, and she wasn't sure how he was going to react. It isn't any different, she told herself. It doesn't matter that you were in love with him from afar, the fact still remains: Either he's okay with you, or he's not. And if he is, that's great, and if he's not, we'll move on. We've done it before.
Still, she wasn't really prepared to come out to just Noya--she'd gotten there a little late specifically because she was hoping to avoid saying it more than once, and to a group was oddly easier than to a specific person. And Noya still took her breath away, just like he had all those years ago. She wasn't ready for that either. He looked so strong, tanner and broader and still grinning like he owned the world, and all of the feelings Asahi had thought were memories were suddenly living in vivid technicolor all over again. Fuck, she--she had loved this boy. She wanted to love him again.
"Noya bro!" Tanaka greeted.
"Noya-senpai!" Hinata cheered.
"Noya," Daichi cut in, warning on his face, "Suga didn't bring her. This is--" Asahi raised a hand.
"Let me do it, please," she said, smiling at her old friend. Daichi nodded, letting her take the reins. Suga's hand was still on her upper arm, offering silent support.
"You've gotten so much braver," Suga said proudly. Asahi smiled down, bursting with gratitude that were almost as loud as her nerves. It's okay, she said to herself. They're okay with you.
"Hi Noya," she greeted, refusing to flinch away. Just say it, she told herself. Inhale. Gold eyes sparked.
"Asahi-san?"
Asahi's eyes widened, locking with Noya's own. That was like hitting a brick wall. He knew? He knew? She was too stunned to say anything, too caught in the feeling swooping in her belly as understanding, then awe travelled across Noya's face. Awe, and acceptance, and pride. Then a smile that put the sun to shame, and Asahi felt it shine right into every corner of her. Suddenly nothing could ever go wrong.
"Asahi-san!" Noya cheered, leaping up into Asahi's arms for a flying hug that Asahi automatically returned. Even now this was muscle memory. Noya squeezed her tight, their cheeks pressing together, and he was warm and real in Asahi's arms and his smell was all around them and they were together again. "I missed you so much! Where have you been, HOW have you been, oh my god I have so many stories for you--"
Asahi laughed, giddy. "How did you know it was me? Oh my god, Noya--"
"Your left eye! It's still split into two shades of brown," Noya answered joyfully, pulling back to bless Asahi with another luminous smile. "Right down the middle!"
"Wh--I don't--even I don't notice that Noya!" It felt good to hear their joint laughter echoing around this gym again, weaving together with their teammates as they joined in.
"Get off her before her high heel breaks!" Suga faux-reprimanded, grinning wide. Noya's eyes lit up again.
"Asahi-san, you're wearing heels?!" he asked, twisting to try to see without getting down. "That's so cool! Do your feet hurt?"
"Just small ones, since I'm so tall. And it's not that bad," Asahi answered, floating on cloud nine. "You get used to it."
"Remember that time you wore heels for a night and you kept rolling your ankles?" Tanaka asked. Noya blushed, but leapt out of Asahi's arms to pursue his friend in their normal roughhouse play with a large grin.
"Come on, man, why you gotta do me like that?" he cackled, swiping at his fleeing friend.
"When did you wear heels?" Ennoshita deadpanned, a query that went unnoticed by the troublemakers themselves but made a few team members chuckle anyway. Asahi felt light as a feather.
"Ah! Wait!" Noya shouted, skidding to a sudden halt in his pursuit of his best friend. He looked to Asahi, eyes wide. "Did I deadname you? Fuck, did I just deadname you?!"
"No!" Asahi said quickly, if only to keep that genuine distress off Noya's face. "No, I kept my name. Thank you for--for worrying, though."
"Of course!" Noya said seriously, hands firmly on his hips. "You're, like, one of my favorite people, and that means I gotta have your back!" Asahi smiled wetly.
"You always have," she said. Noya nodded decisively.
"Bet," was all he said. Then, "So did I tell you guys about Thailand?!"
"I thought you said you were going to India?" Suga grinned, like this was a totally common occurrence.
"I did! But I met some people who were backpacking through Eastern Asia and they invited me along, so of course I went. I'm gonna have to go back and spend more time in India at some point--but it was great!" Daichi shook his head fondly.
"I'm amazed you haven't been kidnapped or something, pulling shit like that," he said. Noya just laughed like he was immune to everything bad in the world, and Asahi couldn't help but think maybe he was.
It was good to be back.
______________________________________
They ended up at Ukai's store, as was apparently tradition, only now Daichi demanded someone else pay for the pork buns. "I'm not captain anymore," he said, "I don't have to shell out for you slackers." Ukai looked about the same, except with a few more wrinkles and the tiniest wisp of gray hairs--probably from having had to deal with them for so many years--and Noya had stood like a wall between Asahi and their former coach with a challenging glare, just daring him to say something negative. He hadn't, of course, though he'd been kind of vaguely confused about the situation. But, in his own words, who was he to give anybody shit? He was just happy to see his players again. Though he did say that if Asahi waited another ten years to come by he just might refuse her pork buns.
"Won't be a problem, coach!" Noya said certainly. Asahi smiled.
"No, it won't," she promised. "I have to come back to see Takeda-sensei, don't I?" Ukai grinned.
"He's gonna be so pissed he missed this."
"It's what he gets," Tanaka pouted. "Having a life outside of us." Kiyoko--who was Tanaka's happily wedded wife now, who would have guessed?--tugged on Tanaka's ear warningly.
They ate their pork buns on the way to Ume-Ame, a bar that had opened up in the old drive-through place with the greasy burgers, Asahi having to admit defeat and pull off her heels. She hadn't anticipated this much walking and the last thing she wanted was blisters. Hinata regaled the group with an, ah, animated reprisal of his latest game while Asahi lagged back just a moment to peel her shoes off. Noya noticed and stayed back with her.
"Feet hurt?" he asked.
"Not really," Asahi said, "I just didn't know we'd be walking around. I'll have to wear my tennis shoes next time." Noya smiled something a little softer that made Asahi's heart thump in her chest. It felt private, just between the two of them, even though their friends were only a few steps ahead of them.
"Yeah, you will. I can carry those for you."
"Oh, it's fine," Asahi said. "You haven't finished your pork bun yet, I don't want to take up your only free hand."
"Thanks," Noya said. "Offer stands all night though." Asahi chuckled.
"I'll keep it in mind."
Tanaka and Kiyoko were the first to leave. They had kids--kids!--to get home to, and a babysitter who was herself a teenager. Noya was apparently staying with them but didn't want to leave yet, so they told him to just be quiet when he came in later. Kiyoko gave him a look that could freeze hell when she said he'd better not wake the children by fumbling through the door at 3 am.
"If he's too drunk to be quiet I'll just drag him back to my hotel room," Yamaguchi promised with a smile. "It was really good to see you guys!"
Tsukishima left immediately after, to no one's surprise--part of Asahi was stunned he'd lasted this long, but then again he'd always had a secret soft spot for this group. It shouldn't come as a surprise that he'd willingly travel to meet them all, even if his social battery was depleted faster than most. He'd nodded at Asahi as he left, his own silent promise of support.
Apparently both Hinata and Kageyama had gotten used to the early-rising schedule of a professional player, because they were the next to drop off. They both tried to stay longer, bless them, but there was only so much yawning and nodding off they could do before Daichi sternly ordered them back to their own hotels. Daichi had to leave not long after, since he had a patrol the next day, but he made sure to give Asahi his new number. If it came with a subtle threat of what would happen if she ever ghosted them like that again, well, Asahi supposed it was warranted.
By the time final call hit Asahi was pleasantly tipsy, with a softly sleepy Noya leaning against her arm. He was warm and solid, and he picked her out of everyone here and that made Asahi a little giddy.
Ennoshita ushered the remaining teammates out into the night, thanking the bar staff for putting up with the antics that Suga and Yamaguchi were apparently prone to after a few drinks. (Suga Asahi had expected, Yamaguchi not so much.) In fact, the two of them teamed up to waddle off to another bar with a dance floor and a later close time, cheering quite happily between them and both flushed with alcohol. Asahi shook her head, watching them go.
"Guess Yamaguchi forgot about his promise to take Noya," Kinnoshita deadpanned.
"Eh, no worries," Noya said, stretching his arms up. "I'm a little fuzzy, but I can make it in the door without waking anybody up."
"You were just half-asleep on Asahi-san's side," Ennoshita pointed out.
"Yeah, 'cuz I was sitting still," Noya defended. "A few minutes of being up and walking and I'll be as awake as a kid at recess."
"That might be too awake," Ennoshita said flatly.
"Besides, somebody's gotta walk Asahi-san to her hotel!" Noya announced with a grin. "Can't let a lady walk alone at night." Asahi felt her face flush tellingly.
"Thank you, Noya," she smiled. She wouldn't mind a few minutes of having Noya to herself.
And so they split from the remaining dregs of the group, and this time Asahi let Noya hold her shoes. She didn't have a reason not to this time, and besides, she didn't mind that Noya wanted to do that for her. In fact, it made her belly flutter just a little.
"You know," Asahi said, concrete cool on her feet as they walked, "I'm sure you've heard it from just about everyone, but I'm surprised you didn't decide to go pro." Noya shrugged.
"I don't know why," he said. "I mean, I was gonna quit the team if you didn't come back." Asahi whipped her head towards the former libero.
"What?!" she asked, aghast. "Noya!" Big gold eyes blink up at her.
"Oh yeah, I forgot you didn't know that," he said simply.
"Noya, you--Karasuno would have never made it to Nationals without you!"
"We wouldn't have made it without you either," Noya said easily. "Besides, you came back, and I stayed, and we did go to Nationals, and it was all worth it. Even that big stupid fight." Asahi chuckled, shaking her head.
"Ah, god, yeah," she said. "You know, it wasn't until years later but, I finally realized why that loss hit me so hard."
"Yeah?" Noya asked, watching her intently.
"Yeah. I, I mean, I didn't know I was trans, but I knew my body didn't feel right, and the court was the only place where my size was an advantage. A good thing, even. So when we lost because my body wasn't strong enough to break through, I... It ripped that feeling away from me. Volleyball was the only thing I could use to soften the blow of being big and muscly, the one thing I would latch on to on days I couldn't look in the mirror, but if my body wasn't good enough for volleyball then I didn't have that life raft anymore." Asahi fiddled with her hair, too scared to look Noya in the eye. "The problem was never that we lost."
After a moment of silence she risked a glance over and found Noya's eyes locked on her intensely, making her shiver in an exciting kind of way. Noya's lips were a thin line, though, like he was worried. Asahi probably should have expected that--she didn't talk much about her dysphoria but it tended to cause that effect. Asahi looked away.
"Can you look in the mirror now?" Noya asked. Asahi blinked, eyes drawn back to him. He looked at her like the only important thing left in the world was her answer to his question. Asahi felt grateful tears well up, but they didn't fall as she smiled.
"Yeah, I can," she said. "There are still things I don't like, but I don't feel...wrong, anymore."
"Good," Noya said. "Cuz there's nothing wrong with you. Wanna sit in the park for a minute?" Asahi's breath stuttered in her chest. God, how could he say something so impactful so casually? Her heart squeezed. Nothing's wrong with you.
She blinked tears away (again) and nodded, swallowing thickly. "Sounds good," she said, voice cracking. "Did they ever fix that fountain?"
"No, but they did replace it," Noya gave her another one of those soft smiles. "I don't know how that was less expensive."
"It probably wasn't," Asahi agreed sagely. "As always, our town puts taxpayer money to the best possible uses." Noya snorted, leading the way into the park.
"I missed your sense of humor," he said.
The fountain had, in fact, been replaced, and now sported a few leaping dolphins. It appealed to the kids, Asahi supposed, and according to Noya the artist was a Miyagi local. The sound of the water, the rustle of the trees, and the pinpricks of the stars above them--something in Asahi committed it all to memory. Somehow this felt like the best moment from the whole night.
"You know," Noya said eventually, not taking his eyes from the fountain, "I always hoped you'd become someone who could smile freely someday. I didn't know it was going to look like this, but--I'm so glad I finally get to see my wish come true." Asahi sucked in a slow breath as Noya's warm hand covered her own. She flipped her hand over and, in a moment of braveness, linked their fingers together. Noya finally looked up at her. "Asahi-san, you are so beautiful."
Asahi braced herself, looking right back into his eyes. They reflected the moon, and Asahi's face. "I loved you," Asahi breathed. "In that pining, high school way. I know things have changed, but I still think--"
"I loved you too," Noya said, leaning closer. "And I want to love you again, for real this time. Not that stupid high school crush way, but like real adults who work and fight for what they have together. And not just because you're openly a woman now. I like you, Asahi."
Asahi's breath caught. "You like me?" she repeated dumbly.
"I like you," Noya confirmed. "I always did, and I still do."
Asahi rewarded his certainty with a kiss. And then another. And another. They kissed, soft and gentle, until the sun started turning the black sky grey and they finally parted with conspiratory giggles. Asahi led Noya by the hand to her hotel, where--finally, finally--they cuddled in the bed in their fancy clothes and let sleep take them. They knew the other would still be there when they woke up.
It was really good to be back.